Happy Birthday, Don Vorleone
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle and I am NOT responsible for the Vorlags. They break it, they pay for it. Rating: K Time: After Season Eight.
Kate Beckett limped over to her favorite chair in the living room and gently raised her left leg and put her foot on a footrest. She sighed and relaxed.
No sooner had she been cleared to return to work after being shot by Caleb Brown than an overeager rookie had slammed into her with a cart loaded with police files. Kate's ankle wasn't broken, but she did have a bad sprain. Once again, she was recovering at home.
Castle had called her from Europe, ready to fly home at a moment's notice.
"Rick," she had said, "I'm a big girl you know. I'm a cop. I can handle a sprained ankle with no help. You should stay in Europe, Babe. Black Pawn is selling the rights to the Nikki Heat books in Eastern Europe. That's half the continent, but they need you there to whip up some excitement for Nikki. I'll be fine just sitting here."
"Most police captains would be fine, but I know you. You'll want to keep running your precinct." He said.
"True, but the Chief of Police knows me too. He's made it very clear that there will be no communication between me and anyone in the precinct, or for that matter, between me and anyone in the NYPD. Anyone ignoring that order will suffer a fate worse than death."
"Just out of curiosity, what is a fate worse than death in the NYPD?"
"Budget meetings at One PP."
"The Chief is truly a sadist then."
"And an efficient one, so I'll be right here until you get back. Love you, Rick."
"I love you too, Kate."
Both Martha and Alexis had called offering to come home to help Kate. Martha was in Seattle doing summer stock and Alexis was on a summer internship in Florida. Kate had thanked both of them but told them the same thing she had told Rick. She did promise to call if she did need any help. Which she wouldn't.
Kate sat there wondering what she'd do for the rest of the day when the answer to that question materialized in front of her.
"Buggsy, Muggsy, Puggsy, how are you?"
The three seven-foot-tall wolf like Vorlags smiled at her. Normally a look at a Vorlag's fangs would be frightening, but they were Kate's friends.
"We's jist fine, Miz Castle. We hoid youse was laid up an' decided ta drop by ta see if dere was any'ting we could do."
"Not really…" Kate began.
"Hows about a foot massage." Puggsy said.
Kate had to stop and think about that. In spite of his fierce appearance, Puggsy definitely had a way with foot massages.
"Well, okay."
Puggsy began tenderly massaging Kate's injured foot. She began to relax.
"Does youse need any'ting to eat, or drink, Miz Castle?" Buggsy asked solicitously.
"No. Nothing. Do you guys want something? Rick has installed a Vorlag sized refrigerator, you know. It's filled with your favorites."
"Naw, we're fine. Every'ting is copacetic. We're not hungry."
That's when Kate began to get suspicious. Vorlags were always hungry. In fact, she had a theory that they had tiny black holes instead of stomachs since food disappeared down their throats so fast and so often.
"How did you hear that I had a problem, anyway? It's not like it was on the news or anything."
"Oh, our liddle buddy Curly has a machine dat monitors youses police broadcasts. It lets us know if eenyone named Castle or Beckett has a problem. If so, we is here, Johnny on da spot, so ta speak."
Curly was a teenaged Vorlag who was quite brilliant. He was fascinated by human technology but couldn't understand why humans built wonderful things like X Wing fighters, transporters, replicators and light sabers, but never put them into mass production. Since he knew that all of these things were possible, since humans had built them, he set to making them himself. Being a genius, he succeeded.
Don Vorleone, the Vorlagfather, who ran a galaxy spanning ice cream empire from the far side of Earth's moon discouraged anyone from telling Curly that these inventions were simply human movie magic. After all, the Dandy Don had said, you never could tell when a functional death star, minus any stupidly undefended exhaust vents, would come in handy.
"Guys, "Kate said, "are you sure you don't have any ulterior motives for coming to see me?"
All three Vorlags assumed airs of injured innocence, something they'd had years of practice perfecting.
"Us. Ulterior motives?" Buggsy said.
"Yes. A Vorlag that isn't hungry is a contradiction in terms, and a sure sign that something is wrong."
"I tole youse dat she'd catch on." Muggsy said.
"She's one smart cookie." Puggsy said.
"Youse has got us, Miz Castle. As youse knows, Don Vorleone's boithday is comin' up an' we, all of us Vorlags here, is plannin' a big surprise party fer him."
"Buggsy, you plan a surprise birthday party for him every year. Don't you think that maybe it's not a surprise anymore?"
Buggsy shrugged.
"It's da t'ought dat counts. An' Don Vorleone would be very unhappy if we din't have no surprise boithday party fer him."
"I remember the surprise at last year's birthday party." Kate said. "You hired a stripper named Furry Galore to jump out of a big birthday cake."
"We admits dat we made a mistake. How wuz we ta know dat Furry Galore was really Don Cheech's granddaughter en her wild child phase?"
"I almost hate to ask, but what do you have in mind for this year's party?"
"We's brung in Da Boss's fav'rite singers." Buggsy looked up." Okay, Curly, send 'em down."
Two more Vorlags appeared in the loft. One was tall and somewhat slender, the other shorter and heavier. Both wore black suits with white shirts and black ties with black fedoras. Both wore sunglasses.
"Allow me ta innerduce Jake an' Elwood Vorlag, da Blues Vorlags." Buggsy said proudly.
"How do you do, Mrs. Castle." Jake said politely, shaking Kate's hand.
"Pleased to meet you." Elwood said, also shaking her hand.
"We needs a favor from youse, Miz Castle." Buggsy said. "Jake and Elwood need a place ta stay. We can't have 'em at da moon since Don Vorleone would find out. Could dey stay here?"
"We promise we'll be no bother, Mrs. Castle." Jake said.
The two new Vorlags seemed polite and friendly and Kate was friends with many Vorlags, including Don Vorleone. Besides, now she'd have some company.
"Sure. You can stay here for a few days until Don Vorleone's birthday."
"Thank you so much." Elwood said.
"Mebbe we kin find da jamoke dat did fer yer ankle and learn him some manners." Buggsy said.
"I was hit by a cart full of police files being pushed by a rookie policewoman. She doesn't need any etiquette lessons, thank you. Besides, if a police officer was taught some manners by a large furry alien, that might cause problems."
"We could wear masks, mebbe." Buggsy said.
"You'd still have to explain why the etiquette lesson was being administered and that would lead right back to me. And Officer Morgenstern is upset enough about injuring me. She doesn't need or deserve any more grief over this."
"Youse has allus been too kind." Buggsy said. "Speakin' o' kind, is da offer o' a liddle snack still on da table?"
"Sure, go ahead."
Buggsy, Muggsy and Puggsy got to the refrigerator so fast that Kate thought for a moment that Curly might have used the transporter to move them.
Jake and Elwood remained where they were.
"Are you two hungry?'
"We could do with a bite." Jake said.
Da Boyz, as the three were known, soon had Vorlag sized plates piled with food. To her surprise, Jake and Elwood used human sized plates and ate a small sandwich and some chips along with glasses of lemonade. And, when they were all done eating, Jake and Elwood put all of the dishes into the dishwasher.
Kate's phone rang.
"Ms. Castle, this is Eduardo, the doorman. Your friend Doctor Parish is on her way up to see you."
"Curly!" Cried Buggsy. "Emoigency extraction. Now."
Nothing happened.
"I'll bet da kid is inventin' sumpin right now."
"Go upstairs to Martha's old room. It's the furthest down the hall. The Vorlags were gone in an instant.
Kate walked slowly to the door when she heard the knock and opened the door.
"How are you, Sweetie?" Lanie asked, coming in.
"Not too surprisingly, I feel like I have a sprained ankle. Come in and sit down."
"How about we crack open a bottle of Castle's excellent wine and talk?"
Kate shook her head.
"Sorry, I'm taking pain pills. Those and alcohol don't mix."
"I'm so sorry. I should have realized that."
"You can have a drink if you'd like." Kate said, hoping her furry guests hadn't eliminated all of Castle's wine.
"No, I couldn't possibly drink if you can't, but we can still talk."
"So, tell me what's happening at the precinct?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all."
"Lanie!"
"Nothing's happening. There hasn't been a single crime in the whole Borough of Manhattan since you got injured."
"Do you expect me to believe that?"
"No, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it. It's better than doing autopsies on roadkill for the rest of my career."
They chatted for half an hour with Kate trying to subtly bring the conversation around to the people in the precinct and Lanie quickly changing the subject. Then Kate yawned.
"Are you tired, Sweetie?"
"It's the pills. I find I need to take an afternoon nap every now and again."
Lanie got up. Then she stopped and sniffed.
"Did you and Castle get a dog?"
Before Kate could answer, there was a muffled thump from upstairs.
"A dog? No. Why do you ask?"
"It smells a little like a dog in here. And what was that thump?"
Kate yawned again, although she didn't need to.
"Probably a truck hitting a pothole outside."
Lanie smiled.
"If you're feeling better tomorrow, maybe we could go out?"
"I'd like that. And I am feeling better." She decided she'd have to ask Puggsy to continue with the foot massage.
When Lanie was gone, the five Vorlags came back downstairs, led by an angry Buggsy.
"Youse pal t'inks we smells like dogs! Dat's an insult ta da whole Vorlag race! We has a pleasing natural aroma."
"But sometimes you do borrow Rick's cologne." Kate said. "Sometimes I smell Brut on you."
"I din't t'ink he'd mind." Buggsy said softly.
"He doesn't."
"Don't get too upset by the humans' limited smelling ability." Elwood said. "They have many other fine qualities, particularly the invention of ice cream."
"Youse is right, Elwood. We gotta look on da bright side o' t'ings."
Buggsy checked his watch.
"We should be getting' back ta da moon. Dis is one o' our busy seasons, Christmas."
"But it's summer." Kate said.
"We like da idee o' Christmas so much, we has one every month."
"How could I have forgotten."
"Curly? Youse dere? We're ready."
Buggsy, Muggsy and Puggsy disappeared in a sparkling column of light.
"If you don't mind, Mrs. Castle," Jake said, "we've heard about your husband's collection of computer games. Could we try them?"
Kate did take a nap while the Blues Vorlags played games. Then it was dinner time. Elwood cooked dinner, which was excellent. Then the two Vorlags did the dishes and put everything away.
Kate was quite impressed with the two.
Human beds were rather small for Vorlags, but the two got into their jammies and went to bed.
Kate woke up the next morning and got ready for the day. She checked the bedrooms the Vorlags had used and found the beds had been made.
"Jake? Elwood? Where are you? Would you like some breakfast?'
Getting no reply, she searched through the loft. When she was done, there was no doubt in her mind that Jake and Elwood were gone.
TBC