Prompt: CCS Pride Week 2019 Day 6 – A is for Acceptance

Tomoyo knew she needed to talk to Sakura. She'd never be able to move on if she didn't. They'd spoken before on this subject, but the situation was different then, and Tomoyo didn't think Sakura really understood what she meant. She'd been content to let it go at the time, but she knew she had to resolve it. For her own sake, if not for Sakura's.

And perhaps even for Akiho's.

Tomoyo didn't think it was fair to explore that possibility while there was still a part of her longing for Sakura.

So she knew she had to talk to Sakura and clear the air. It was just hard to find the right time; she was always asking herself if she should do it now, or if there was a better time, or maybe it would be better not to say anything at all.

She knew why it mattered. Her feelings for Sakura meant something to her, and they always would, even though Tomoyo had chosen not to pursue Sakura after she realized about Syaoran.

Still she kept letting opportunities to talk slip past her. It was difficult to let go; it was difficult to acknowledge that she was changing. That her love for Sakura was taking a different form, so a new love could grow alongside it.

She had opportunities, but the girls were always in the middle of something, or there were other people around, or a new card appeared. It was easier to let them pass by.

But the longer she let it go, the worse she felt about it.

It came to a head when Tomoyo decided to hold a small garden party. There was a lot going on lately, with the Clear Cards and everything that came with them, and she felt that Sakura deserved to have a chance to relax and have fun between incidents.

(Of course, she couldn't predict whether a card would appear in her garden, but even if it did, it wouldn't ruin the whole afternoon.)

She invited Sakura and Syaoran and Akiho too, because she wanted for Akiho to feel like she was a part of their group. It was a bit selfish of her, since it would make Sakura worry if she had to capture a card while keeping it a secret from Akiho, but she really did want to make Akiho welcome.

It was nice at first. Tomoyo had tea and cakes brought out to the yard, and Sakura could sneak Kero's share down without Akiho noticing – Syaoran sat between them, and he didn't seem to object to Sakura and Kero using him as a shield. Akiho leaned forward to listen to his story of trying to escape a tea party held by his older sisters, and how they chased him all over the house.

"But you don't mind having tea with us, right?" Sakura asked worriedly. Syaoran turned to her with a smile on his lips.

All at once Tomoyo felt like she would burst. In an attempt to distract herself, she peered into the teapot. It was nearly empty.

She could run away. "I'll just fetch us some more tea," she said, interrupting Syaoran's assurances. "You all carry on."

She did not actually run back up through the garden to the house. She was proud of herself for that.

In the kitchen, she insisted in putting the kettle on herself. She liked to prepare tea for her friends. As she leaned on the counter to wait for the water to boil, she gave herself a stern talking-to.

Sakura and Syaoran were perfectly happy, they loved each other, and Tomoyo was happy for them. She had no claim on Sakura, and she meant to pursue Akiho. There was no reason for her to be unhappy.

No reason, except that she had loved Sakura for such a long part of her life, and change was hard.

She poured the hot water into the pot and added the tea mechanically. She had let it all go for too long, hadn't she? She was deep enough in her thoughts that she didn't notice the sound of footsteps in the hallway. Not until a voice as familiar to her as her own called her name. "Tomoyo-chan!"

Tomoyo jumped as Sakura came in through the door. She pasted a smile onto her face. "Sakura-chan! What is it?"

"You forgot the serving tray," Sakura explained, holding it up. "I thought it would be easier if you had it than carrying a hot teapot in your hands."

Tomoyo hadn't realized she'd gotten so flustered. "That's true. Thank you."

"Of course, anytime!" Sakura beamed at her.

Tomoyo checked the time; the tea had about finished brewing. She removed the leaves from the pot. "Your timing is perfect, i would have just realized i needed it."

Sakura laughed. "That's why i came." She set the tray down on the counter. Tomoyo moved the teapot onto it and picked the array up.

"Oh, i can carry it," Sakura started.

"No, it's fine, i have it," Tomoyo assured her.

"I feel bad not carrying anything, though," Sakura admitted sheepishly.

"Well . . ." Tomoyo looked around the kitchen. Her eyes landed on a sleeve of shortbread cookies. "You could carry the cookies, we'll probably need more of those soon as well."

"Okay." Sakura picked them up, but then she hesitated. "Tomoyo-chan, i've been meaning to ask, but . . . is something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Tomoyo repeated, leading the way back outside. "How do you mean?"

"Um . . . it's nothing specific, just . . . you've seemed worried, for the past few weeks." Sakura trotted after her.

"I have?" Tomoyo hadn't realized she was so transparent. Maybe it was just because it was Sakura.

"Yes." Sakura squeezed around her at the vestibule to open the door for her. "It's fine if you don't want to talk about it, but i was worried about you."

"I'm sorry." Tomoyo stepped out past her into the afternoon sun. "I didn't mean to worry you. I've just had something on my mind."

Sakura closed the door and came to walk beside her. "Okay. But i'm here if you ever want to talk about it, okay?"

Tomoyo's steps slowed, and she came to a stop on the garden path. She did want to talk about it, but she also didn't. "Sakura-chan."

Sakura stopped, and turned around to face her. "Yes?"

"Do you remember the athletic festival from a couple years ago, the one where you caught the Flower Card?" Her heart was pounding. Tomoyo could barely hear herself speak.

"Yes, why?" Sakura asked.

"And after it was all over, i told you that i loved you?" Tomoyo couldn't meet her eyes, and instead found a hedge to look at.

"Yeah, of course. You're my best friend, Tomoyo, i'll always remember that."

"What i meant, back then, was that i was in love with you." Tomoyo did have to look at Sakura then; she couldn't keep her gaze away.

"Oh." Sakura's eyes widened. "Oh, Tomoyo-chan, i don't–"

"It's alright," Tomoyo interrupted her. "I still love you, and i think i always will, but now it's more like the way you feel about me."

"Okay." Sakura seemed relieved, and Tomoyo suddenly worried that she had ruined what they had by speaking up. "Sakura-chan, are we . . . ?" She couldn't finish.

Sakura leaned against her and squeezed her shoulder. "We're always good, Tomoyo-chan, you know that. I'm sorry i didn't realize, did i hurt you?"

Tomoyo leaned the side of her head against Sakura's. "No, you never did anything wrong. I think i always knew you didn't see me that way."

"Good." Sakura pressed a little tighter, then pulled away to stand in front of Tomoyo and look into her face. "But are you happy?" she asked. "I do love you, even if it's not the same way. I don't want to see you unhappy."

Tomoyo looked past her into the garden and caught Akiho's eye. Akiho smiled brilliantly, and Tomoyo smiled too.

"Yes," she said to Sakura. "Yes, i'm very happy."

Sakura sighed in visible relief. "Good," she said. "I'm glad." She squeezed Tomoyo's arm gently. "You deserve to be happy."

"So do you," Tomoyo replied, without missing a beat.

Sakura laughed. "Come on, let's go." She started walking again. Tomoyo followed more carefully with the tray, but it wasn't long before Sakura slowed down again. "Just one thing . . ." she said. "Next time you meet someone you love that way, you should tell them while you can still say 'you love them' instead of 'you loved them'."

Tomoyo looked ahead to Akiho again, speaking with Syaoran. "Yes," she said to Sakura. "I will." Soon.

But before that, Tomoyo thought she needed to call Meiling and let herself have a good cry. It was well past time.

A/N: And, true to the spirit of CLAMP romances, they don't even kiss in the end. (I've been thinking recently about how, even when i write romantic scenes, the characters rarely kiss, and it's just like, "Man, you can totally tell i learned how to romo from CLAMP.")