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Mrs. J.K., our favorite chew toy, our Muse, I bet you are crying your eyes out when you read some of our stories. Harry with Harems, Harry getting shagged by Bellatrix or his own Mum, or worse, Snape is buggering Harry. That is enough to melt your brains, isn't it? I am the Harem kind of writer… it is still better than hooking him up with Ginny and having an Albus Severus! Ah, Disclaimer, it is all yours.

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An old Big Game Hunter interrupted, "Why don't we first harvest a Basilisk before we look for the one to put the blame on?"

11 Professor Tonks.

I raised my hand and asked, "If that Basilisk is dead, can those eyes still hurt us like Medusa from Greek Mythology?"

Harry commented, "That is what worries you? What if those roosters didn't kill that snake? Who is going to check that out?"

The leader of the Hunters said, "Both are good questions, how do we check that Basilisk is dead and or still has deadly eyes?"

I smiled innocently, "Send Harry in, he understands snake language."

Harry glared at me, "If I have to go, Hermione has to come too. See if she likes it to be bait for a bloody big snake."

Ginny killed all the roosters in the story, so there must be a grain of truth in it. I bravely offered, "Sure, I'll come with you, can someone conjure a small shield with a mirror for each of us? If it is not dead, it will be if it sees its reflection. And some fabric to cover its eyes, please."

Sirius exploded, "Like Hell am I allowing two children to do a grown man's job! That is why we hired the Big Game Hunters in the first place!"

The Leader chuckled, "Relax, Lord Black, we were not planning to allow that, but it was fun to hear those kids talk about it. The lass has good ideas though, Rob, Fergy, Bernadette, Clarissa, you heard the girl, mirror shields, and don't look in the eyes of the beast, dead or alive. Boy, open the door when we are ready."

Every Hunter conjured a mirror shield, Harry opened the door; when the Hunters moved in, Harry yelled, "It is still alive! I can hear her and she is angry!"

Hmm? Were those roosters sleeping on the job? I poked my wand inside and cast a wide-ranged Enervate! Enervate! Enervate! Enervate! Enervate! Enervate! Into the Chamber. Suddenly I heard a few roosters crow. A loud Hiss and scared screams were followed by silence, only disturbed by the sound of the crowing of two roosters.

A few minutes later, the Leader of the Hunters called us in, "We covered his eyes! It is safe to come inside."

When we entered the room we saw the damage that Basilisk caused, almost every Rooster was dead or petrified before they could let out a single crow, two escaped their fate by standing behind a pillar and were still crowing, one of the Hunters was petrified too. Cautiously, we observed the carcass, that snake was HUGE!

The leader took a potion and poured it into the petrified hunter's mouth, "It cost a lot, but I am glad I bought those potions in advance, thank you for that suggestion, little lass."

Lord Greengrass rubbed my hair, "That was not all she did, Morgan. She was the one that enervated those two Roosters and saved your bacon."

Sirius smiled, "She is a special one alright, scary smart too, I will kick Harry's ass if he let her slip away from him."

Harry grumbled, "If I survive that long, for all I know tomorrow she will put me in front of a Dragon."

I did some damage control by doing a titty press against his chest, and a peck on his lips, "Don't worry, Harry, I'll promise no Dragons until your fourth year. Maybe a Dementor in our third year, I was saving the Basilisk for next year but Dumbledore pissed me off."

Harry frowned at me, "Why do you think I would be ready for this Basilisk next year? Did you have a good look at that beast? Hmmbllmm… you are right, I would kill that snake for you, Hermione."

I got a lot of respect from the grown-ups and Harry turned into The Boy Who Got Whipped! Chuckling, they went to the Basilisk to estimate its value. It was a huge motherfucker, almost a hundred feet long and three feet in diameter, enough to swallow a man and have room for five more.

Morgan said after a first inspection, "It is bigger than we first thought, Goblins will be fighting for the meat, Wand makers will kill for the eye strings and Hearth strings, Potion Masters will go for the Venom, marrow, and organs, The leather workers are going into a bidding war for the skin. All in all, it is a good day for all of us."

He faced me, "You already had a cut of the profits, little lass, count 5% of our cut of the deal as a bonus reward. You made our hunt easier by reviving those Roosters and suggesting that potion."

I grinned, "I am glad I could help, what do you think, Acromantulas next week? They are hibernating now and are vulnerable. I bet the Centaurs will be eager to help out."

Morgan messed my hair up and laughed, "Lass, I wished you were my Granddaughter, you have the right Hunter instincts."

From the other side of the Chamber came a voice, "Dad! I told you I am not ready yet to have kids! Quit pressuring me! Although I would not mind if I have one like her in a few years."

Hah! Take that! I am a role model! All the barbies and brainiacs from my previous life can suck it! Boys are groveling at my feet! Girls are green of envy! Lords want to write marriage Contracts between me and their Heirs!… SHIT!

Xxxxx

The Horcrux hunt went smoothly, I delivered the Tiara at Christmas to Sirius and forced Kreacher to tell Regulus' story to Him. An expedition with a team of curse breakers got the ring out of the shack and the Goblins are in the known of the Horcruxes now, it was a small step to tell them Bellatrix had one in her vault. It helped that Sirius went Lord Black on Bellatrix and confiscated her vault for faulting her marriage contract. A few drips of Basilisk Venom did the trick to deal with all the cruxes.

That leaves us with Malfoy's Diary, and where is Tommy Vapor? He must be fuming to know we killed Grampies Snake. It makes him more dangerous… or he is still in Albania.

Xxxxx

Just after New Year, I called out to Winky, Junior got snogged and Senior got Sirius's spot. That left her without someone to care for, Winky popped in front of me, pisdrunk with a bottle of butterbeer in her hand, "What does Muggleborn is calling Winky for?"

I answered, "I am in need of a good Elf, you see, I am a Muggleborn now, but when I am of age I will take a heritage test and will be Lady Dagwort-Granger. Chances are that I will marry Harry Potter as a Consort, that will mean there will be a Lady Potter too. Two wives mean double the children, and we will need a proper elf that knows how to handle babies."

Winky looked up, "Yous be making babies? Bad Winky can take care of babies?"

I nodded, "And let me tell you a secret, Harry Potter is going to be Lord Black too, that are four wives and a lot of babies to be nursed. What do you think, Winky? Do you want to be my elf?"

Winky looked me up and down for a minute, "Maybe Winky be asking Harry Potter to be her Master, He be Lord Potter and Lord Black. You only maybe marry Harry Potter."

I cracked up, that Elf is not stupid at all, I finally offered, "That is smart of you, Winky, I'll tell you what, stay here until you are sober and clean, then I will take you to Harry Potter, and tell him to hire you. That way you are guaranteed to have babies to care for. Find a nice place in our house to sleep, and I'll introduce you to my parents tomorrow. Where do Elves sleep if I may be so curious?"

Winky answered with a sleepy face, "We be liking small warm nests close to the Mistress or babies."

I pointed to my wardrobe, "You can make your nest in my wardrobe, you can move my clothes aside and use one or two of my blankets. Good night Winky."

A few drunken finger snaps later I hear her snoring. I bet Canon Hermione would screech her lungs out about slavery by now.

I told Mum and Dad about Winky and her situation, I ended with, "I offered her a spot in our family, but House Elves want a full magic family. They take magic from the family, if there is only one Magic user that is not enough for a House Elf, the home has to be Magical too. When she is recovered I'll take her to Harry and let her bind to him."

The next morning a sober and clean House Elf was preparing Breakfast, we came down by the smell of a full English Breakfast, I introduced Winky to Mum and Dad, "Winky, these are my parents, Mum, Dad, this is Winky, I told you about her yesterday, and as you can see as a proper Elf she takes care of her family, even if it is a temporary one."

Mum smiled, "Good morning, Winky, I must say, breakfast smells good. We are happy to be your temporary Masters. Harry is one lucky boy to have you."

Dad tasted the food, and praised, "Just the way I like my breakfast, thank you Winky."

Winky blushed, "Yous be nice Masters. Winky be thanking Mistress Hermi for calling Winky here."

Keep talking like that Mum and Dad and I'll bet she wants to stay here.

Xxxxx

That day I visited Harry, he is still living with the Bones, Sirius has a problem cleaning his ancestral home and it is not child-friendly.

Winky came up in our conversation, I promoted her to Harry as an investment for the future, "Look at it this way, Harry. Soon you will have a home and family, Winky is craving for a family, all a House elf wants is a Home and Family… and lots of babies. I bet Sirius can use a hand in cleaning his place too. The Bones Elves don't need help by the look of this place."

Susan shook her head, "No, both have been with us for years and we love them a lot. Bonnie nursed me from day one, she is my second Mum. We would be lost without her and Manny."

Harry argued, "But Hermione, I live here, what can I let Winky do for me here? I have been at Sirius's house, that place gives me the creeps and so does Kreacher. Would she be willing to work in Grimmauld place?"

I called Winky in after asking permission from Susan, "Winky? Did you hear all that? There is nothing for you to do here, but Lord Black's House has an Old Elf who is failing in his duty. Are you prepared to bond with Harry but to work at Lord Black's place? You could stay with me and my parents if you prefer that."

Winky looked at me, "Winky wants to bond with Mistress Hermi. Winky likes Mistress' parents too."

Winky turned to Harry, "Winky be willing to help the Harry Potter family too if Mistress permits."

I have an Elf! Bonding with Winky was easy, a vow and mutual agreement was enough to seal the deal. Sirius was happy for the extra hand, after Harry introduced her as my Elf and made the offer, Winky was dividing her time at home and at Grimmauld Place. A dirty house is a pleasure to clean for an Elf and Winky is loving it. Winky and Mum were the best of friends, their favorite topic? My future babies. I have to learn those anti-conception spells fast.

Xxxxx

The Daily Prophet got the picture of the Basilisk on the front page.

The real identity of the Dark Lord Revealed! The Monster of Slytherin is finally slain!

Dear Readers! Yesterday, Lord Black and his Allies guided us to the Legendary Chamber of Secrets! Nobody could find it in all those centuries, and yet is was located by a brave young couple.

Yes, our Hero Harry Potter and his best friend Hermione Granger located the Secret Entrance of the Chamber and led a Hunting expedition to slay the beast!

As you can see in the picture, it was a hundred-feet-long BASILISK! A Class Six Wizard Killer!

Lord Black explained, "My Ward Hermione Granger is an intelligent and studious girl, in the Muggle world she is famous for that too, several institutions have offered a scholarship to attend their School. Compared to our world it is as if she is going to study for a Master's degree."

Dear Readers, we did not know that Muggles could do more than to read and write, Lord Black told us they are almost as smart as we are! This reporter will get to the bottom of this.

Lord Black showed us where the entrance of the Chamber of Secrets was located and how Miss Granger found out about it. It so happened the Dada Professor Imperio'd Miss Granger to Moaning Myrtles Bathroom, we all know that particular Ghost, and lured a Troll into the Castle in an attempt to turn Miss Granger into a Ghost too.

Lord Black commented, "That Dada Professor was promoting Death Eater ideals, my Ward objected against them and argued the rightfulness of that cause, claiming that He Who Must Not Be Named was not a Pureblood. Otherwise, he would have used his real name. That Ghost was the reason Miss Granger investigated Moaning Myrtle's death."

Dear Readers, that tale exposed another of Dumbledore's blunders. Fifty years ago the Chambers was opened, and Rubeus Hagrid, a third-year student at that time was pointed out as the one responsible for keeping an Acromantula! Dumbledore ignored that Moaning Myrtle was killed by a dead stare instead of Acromantula poison, and let Hagrid take the blame, fully knowing that the boy who framed Hagrid was the true killer.

That boy, Tom Marvolo Riddle, even got a reward for it!

Lord Black stated, "If you rearrange the letters of that name, you will get, I AM LORD VOLDE… yes Tom Marvolo Riddle is the real name of You Know Who! We tracked his pedigree down to a Muggle squire in Little Hangleton, a neighbor of the Gaunts, rumored to be the last line of Slytherin. The name Tom Marvolo indicates that he was the son of Merope Gaunt, daughter of Marvolo Gaunt, the last Lord of House Gaunt. That house was known for its insanity and inbreeding, the last five generations were all brother and sister marrying each other. This was something Dumbledore knew all too well."

Lord Greengrass, leader of the gray faction commented, "Too long have we been fooled by those Death Eaters, they claimed to fight for the pureblood cause, instead they wallow in murder, torture, and rape to sate their animalistic urges! It is time the Dark Faction stops promoting to suppress the Muggleborn and Halfbloods. It is a Halfblood and a Muggleborn that exposed it all. Our very own Harry Potter led the Hunting party to the Basilisk, guided by his smart best friend. The picture said it all.

It took three pages to describe my heroic feats… OK, Harry got most of the Glory, but we managed to drag the Purebloods through the Mud and ridiculed their cause.

Harry was quoted, "The first thing I learned from Madam Bones was that Dark Spells taints and corrupts the mind and leads to a life of crime and darkness. It surprised me that so many Purebloods were so eager to follow that madman. The Gaunts were known to be the last line of Slytherin, why would any pureblood follow someone who claimed to be Slytherin's last Heir? It makes no sense."

At the end, the reporter concluded,

Dear Readers,

Our values are questioned here, our intellect is questioned here! Why was Dumbledore silent all these years? Why did he not move a finger to clear Hagrid's name? Why did he not expose the Dark Lord's real name and Heritage? What could Dumbledore gain by stoking a conflict between the Purebloods and Muggleborn? A lot of students reported that Slytherins and Griffindors are encouraged to have conflicts with each other, most of their classes are together. Is it as Lord Black suspects that Dumbledore wants a War so he can be the Hero again?

We can only hope it is not true, but I fear the worst.

Your Reporter, S. Holmes,

Pictures by J. Watson.

Dark Lords and Silly Anagrams, more on page 3

Why was Salazar Slytherin's Secret Entrance in a girl's bathroom? We speculate on page 4

The Boy Who Lived will be The Boy Who Hunts? TWW reports.

The Dangers to be The Boy Who Lived Friend! We calculated the Hazards on page 5

Basilisk meat, a Delicacy to Goblins, a poison to humans, Ragnar the Fifth proclaims: We had to stomach human behavior for centuries, we are immunized by it. Eating habits of Goblins on page 6

Who will be the next Lady Potter? Classmates say there are three major contenders and seven hopefuls. TWW ranks them all.

Lord Black is Bachelor NR. 1 again! His time in Azkaban boosted his Bad Boy Reputation sky-high! Play Witch Monthly made an independent report.

The President of the Potter Fan Club comments, "A Basilisk or Dragon is just another Thursday in the life of The Boy Who Lived. He has been dealing with those from his fourth birthday, his first book Harry Potter and his Pet Dragon is proof of that."

Xxxxx

Back at school, Harry got the most of the attention, not from Smiths though, he pointed his finger at me and said, "I was you, wasn't it? What are you going to hunt next? Griffins? Eagles? Badgers?"

I glared at him, "No, it will be snotty Puffs, I heard they are long overdue for a good culling. Be glad that Neville, Hannah, and Susan are balancing it out."

Hagrid's mind was in a bad place, first, he did not get to see the Basilisk, and the week after they came to kill his pets! Those Stargazing Mules even helped those killers! He had to stop complaining when Madam Bones told him the number of years in Azkaban would get him for illegally breeding Acromantula. The only thing stopping his arrest is that Hogwarts is autonomous and the Ministry did not have jurisdiction. Culling the Acromantulas was a Board of Governors decision and saved his ass.

Dumbledore's job is balancing on one vote at the Board of Governors, to sack him there has to be a 75% majority, lately, he spent most of his time outside the castle to boost his reputation back up. More bad news came when they cut Bins paycheck, so his budget to buy new robes took a hit… poor man.

I earned big bucks this break, my cut from the Basilisk was about 95,000 Galleons, and a 5,000 Galleon bonus from the Hunters. I invested it all, of course, I am Griptooth's favorite human, that nasty bugger gained a lot of respect thanks to me, he even smiles sometimes.

The one class I hate is the flying class, the thought of flying on a broomstick was bad enough, but those broomsticks are safety hazards! I refused to fly higher than four feet from the ground, it proved my point when Neville's Broom malfunctioned and he fell from fifty feet to the ground, he should be glad I am good with Levi-OH-Saa! Or he would have made a dent in the lawn.

A visit from Dowager Longbottom got two palm prints on Dumbledore's cheeks and forty new training brooms for us, I might have sent a memory of the incident to her and told her where Bins paycheck went. Am I a snitch? Meh, I guess I am, I don't give a rat's ass though.

Xxxxx

Saturday after dinner, Harry held his first bare tit in his hand. Yep, my tit. It was a bit of retribution for getting him to face a Basilisk and me forcing him. He was nervous though, up til now he had some chaste kisses while holding us on the small of our back. Tonks always slapped the back of Harry's and Neville's heads when their hands went too low, this time he got the green light to explore the goods.

I had to spell his boxers clean again, everyone saw the poor boy lose his load but did not comment on it. Daphne and Tracey got a determent expression on their face and it was obvious they had a new goal in life, they had to top Granger! Hannah and Susan had hungry looks on Neville, the poor boy was about to run away until Hannah put his hand on her boob and he lost a load too. A high five with Susan was about to start a competition.

Tonks, after a scourgify on Neville's boxer, stopped the fun, "Hold it! You are two years too soon! Hermione? Why did you let Harry fondle your tit? Wasn't it you that drew the borderlines?"

I shrugged, "It was compensation for letting him face that Basilisk, it was a one-time deal. I had nothing to do with Hannah and her Longbottom though."

Tonks sighed, "Alright! Everyone out! Except the boys. Professor Tonks needs to do some tutoring. Out!"

Xxxxx

At curfew, a blushing Potter came into our common room, intermediately Daphne, Tracey, and the Patils took him aside and grilled him for answers, he refused to answer, saying he swore secrecy. Even though they could tell he was lying.

When we went to bed, Daphne, Tracey, and the twins came into my room. Daphne asked, "Hermione? Do you know what Tonks did with the boys?"

I shook my head, "No, but I can guess, I bet she taught them to masturbate. Especially on Saturday. You must know that it is embarrassing for boys to ejaculate prematurely. That Harry and Neville shot a load in their pants because they had a tit in their hand is a blow to their self-esteem."

I explained when I saw their puzzled faces, "I bet they never masturbated before, so they were trigger-happy after being apart for the holidays. Harry shooting his load when he held my boob was getting the pressure of the kettle. Hannah doing it to Neville and high-fiving Susan gave the wrong message to the boys, it dented their confidence, it was making fun of their emotions. Don't forget they are almost a year younger than us."

The girls understood, Tracey sighed, "We will take it slow with Harry, Hermione, we don't want to lose him over this, can you fix this for us? Please? Pretty please?"

I nodded, "I'll talk to them. To Hannah and Susan too."

Parvati asked, "Hermione, do you masturbate?"

I nodded, "Sure, every Saturday morning or Friday night. That cools me off before we play with the boys on Saturday evening."

Crap, I had to spend three hours teaching and demonstrating how to rub one off. Those girls are too eager for Harry and are prepared to go the extra mile for it.

Xxxxx

The next day after lunch, I took Harry and Neville into the ROR and vanished the door, "Alright, guys, it is time we discuss what happened last night before we do something foolish. Tonks taught you how to masturbate, didn't she? Come on, Harry, you know you can tell me everything."

Harry shyly nodded, "She did, Hermione, she explained everything and helped us the first time."

I smiled, "Be glad you have an older sister who teaches you the ropes, a lot of boys and girls stumble through their first few relationships without a clue. Now I have to explain the girl's point of view to you."

Their puzzled faces showed they didn't have a clue, "You see, the girls saw you cum when you held my boob, to them it was a sign that you care a lot for me, so much that you came just from kissing and holding my boob in your hand. Hannah knew Neville liked her and wanted to know she could trigger that response too, the high five was her being happy knowing you care for her."

I grinned, "You must know that the other girls like you too and were eager to try the same. That is why Tonks intercepted, once you shoot a load, the second one will last longer and will not trigger for the next girl. I know, we girls are complicated. I set them straight, and from now on it will be kissing without grabbing. Maybe next year we get that far."

Harry nodded relieved, "Thank Merlin for your explanation, Hermione. We were not sure what to think anymore. I like you, I like you a lot. I like the other girls too, not as much as you, but I like them. As I bet Neville likes Hannah and Susan too."

Neville agreed, "I thought they saw it as a competition, but for me it was embarrassing. Thank you for explaining it, Hermione. Kisses and the hands on safe spots until next year is fine for me."

My final remark was, "Guys, what Professor Tonks taught you is genuine, although boys usually start masturbating at thirteen or fourteen. But that's because they do not have a flock of pretty birds at their side. Don't complain boys, you are living every guy's fantasy."

I put my arm on Harry's shoulder and softly said, "I don't mind if you use me as a fantasy while you rub one off, Harry. More so, I would be sad if you didn't use my naked body as inspiration. Tonks would be a great fantasy too, she has a great set of tits, doesn't she? Oh, Harry! Imagine Daphne, Tracey, and the Patil twins crawling all over you! That will set you off fast I bet. Neville? Hannah and Susan, each on one side, with Tonks on top? That would be great, no?"

It would, they were adjusting their stiffie in their pants, and have a hungry look in their eyes. Maybe I put too many pictures in their head.