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Chapter 9 :: Make You Feel My Love
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Ohio...
Carole Mae Hudson-Hummel stood quietly in the shadowy hallway of her home, peering in at the most heartwarming, picturesque scene in her living room. It sort of took her breath away.
Her stepson – well, her newer son – was curled up on the couch with his legs tucked under himself, nestled into the side of his boyfriend, whose arm was lovingly draped around his shoulders. Both boys were reunited for the first time in a while, back from faraway places and were clearly completely in love based on their tell-tale warm gazes, close contact and occasional stolen kisses.
Beneath the pair of young men sat her (inevitably future) daughter-in-law, with her back leaning against the couch. Her son lay on the floor perpendicular to his girlfriend with his head in her lap and her hands stroking his hair. All four young adults watched while her grandson scooted on hands and knees across the floor toward his parents, cooing and giggling and following their encouraging 'you can do it' voices.
Once he reached his daddy's long outstretched arms, he was easily scooped up and levitated in the air. Carole felt her stomach swoop for just a moment before reminding herself how strong and athletic her son was (and also, all the drumming and that quarterback thing he did for so many years probably helped with his superb grip strength), so there was no cause for concern over dropped babies with skull fractures.
She smiled to herself watching as his father pressed a big wet kiss onto one chubby cheek, then flew him in the air up to his mother's eye level, where she leaned in to kiss the other chubby cheek before the giggly drooling infant was passed up one more level to his uncles, where even more kisses awaited.
Her heart swelled with an ocean of pride when she saw the look of complete adulation passed from her someday-daughter-in-law to her son, a look mirrored on her son's face, before they too pressed their lips to one anothers in a sweet, tender display of love.
Norman Rockwell had nothing on the Hudson-Hummel-Berry clan. This was her joy. This was her family.
She'd always wanted a noisy, bustling house full of love, but after Christopher died, months turned to years and she didn't think it was in the cards for her.
For so many years when it was just her and Finn alone (the dy-no-mite duo, as Finn used to call them – thanks to him watching old reruns of Good Times), she'd done her very best to make it feel that way, but it just wasn't the same as this. In fact, it was typically quite the opposite of this, with many home-alone nights for Finn while she worked long hours to provide for them. No, their life hadn't always been easy.
Before Burt and Kurt came into their lives, she was still prone to long episodes of sadness and depression from the loneliness and loss of her first love – her husband, her son's father – but also from having to fill both roles as a single mother, oftentimes feeling at failure at both. Those spells could drag on for days or weeks. Birthdays and holidays were always difficult for her when Finn was young, but she did her best to push through her own despair for the sake of her son's happiness.
She knew there were times when Finn must have felt so lonely, especially as he got a little older when he was left home alone while she worked extra shifts and weekends just to provide the basics for them. They never had much, but they always had one another, and sometimes that was enough. Most times it was enough.
Those days were long behind them now though, and this scene in front of her today was what she'd always wished for. And now here it was, a dream materialized.
Each one of them had been broken at some point in the last few years; some by each other, some by outside forces, and yet they'd all come back together. Individually they were sturdy but fallible; together, however, they were seemingly invincible. Together they were a FAMILY.
She was so overcome by emotions that she didn't bother fighting the tears that collected in the corners of her eyes. Her watery smile stretched across her face as she watched silently from the shadows. They were finally all under the same roof at once, joyously reunited for the first time in such a long one, and it just felt so damned good.
She'd missed having them all here together, and she would miss them even more when they all departed again in a few short days. At least she knew they would always come back.
She heard his quiet sock-footed gait approach from behind and felt a pair of strong arms and rugged hands wrap around her waist. Without turning around, she whispered "Just look at them all. Isn't this wonderful, sweetie?"
Burt kissed her cheek and buried his face in the crook of her neck, gazing with pride at their brood as he murmured "Next to seeing your beautiful face in the mornings, it's the best thing I could ever imagine looking at."
"Thank you, Burt, for everything. These last few years have been some of the best, happiest years of my life. Thank you for providing this wonderful home and this amazing life we share together. I love you so much, and you've made me so happy."
"Thank you for loving an old, washed-up grease monkey red-neck like me. I love you too Care, more than you could possibly know. Happy anniversary, baby." As he started nibbling on her neck, their hushed conversation and her quiet giggles caught the attention of four sets of eyes who all grinned with reverence (and okay, a little embarrassment maybe).
"Dad!" "Mom!" Finn and Kurt whined in harmony. "There are CHILDREN present here, you know!" Kurt complained teasingly while gesturing to the infant in his arms. Rachel and Blaine just laughed at their respective partners, each lightly scolding their counterparts.
"Dinner's ready kids, everyone come and eat!" Carole announced as she unwound herself from Burt's embrace. She pressed a kiss on his cheek and headed back to her kitchen.
. . . . .
"I'm so proud of you, honey."
Finn looked up at his mother from the soapy dishwater his hands were submerged in. "Uh, thanks? Not sure why, but it's always nice to hear," he chuckled.
"You've grown into such an incredible young man. So mature, so confident... and seeing you with Rachel and Camden, watching you become a FATHER, well. I'm sort of in awe of you, son."
"Mom, you don't have to say all of this."
"Sure I do," she leaned her head into his shoulder as he handed her a pan to dry. "You've really stepped up for both of them and it just makes me so happy."
"They're my family mom, of course I'm gonna be there for them."
"Oh I know that, honey. But not everyone would have been able to cope with the circumstances you and Rachel have been facing. And certainly not every man would walk so willingly into the unknown with a baby the way you've done."
"Yeah... I guess. I'm just glad things have worked out like they have. Don't get me wrong, I would've been there for Cam either way, loved him no matter what, but I can't lie – it makes me so happy to know he's actually mine." He paused, side-eyeing her a moment. "And don't think I don't know how worried you were about the results of the paternity test."
Her eyes widened a little, but then she nodded, realizing of course he would know how she felt. They'd had countless long talks in the aftermath of the whole nightmare with Quinn Fabray's high school pregnancy. "Of course I worried. You're my only baby. And now my baby has a baby! I still can't believe it."
"Me either." His smile faded to a solemn expression. "But uh, about all of that. I'm... I'm really sorry things happened the way they did, Mom. I mean I'm not sorry they happened at all, and I sure wouldn't trade Cam for anything, but, it wasn't supposed to go like this. I hoped it would happen one day, maybe after college. Definitely with Rach; it was always gonna be Rach, at least in my mind. But, y'know, I kinda feel like I let you down."
"Finn, just stop. Life is unpredictable. I wouldn't trade Rachel or my grandson for anything either. Would I prefer that you could have waited a few years, maybe even been married first? Well, sure, but none of that is a deal-breaker. You and I are living proof that stuff happens in life, and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches. The truth is, I think you've adapted in the face of this tragedy with Rachel far better than I did after losing your father. I think in many ways, you're a lot stronger than I am. I'm certain Rachel is."
He looked at her with surprise. "Well, Rach is stronger than anyone I know... but are you crazy? Mom, you raised ME, completely on your own for like fifteen years. I don't know anyone who coulda handled that job and not shipped me off to like, military school, or dropped me off at the nearest orphanage," Finn laughed.
Carole snickered and nodded in agreement. "You were quite a handful sometimes, that's true. You and Noah could've been the death of me – more than once. And yet, you turned out pretty okay, I think."
Finn shook his head, "But I could've done better sooner than I did though." Finn sighed, thinking back on all the turbulence his relationship with Rachel has gone through. "You raised me to be a better man than I was by graduation. I kinda dropped the ball there. I should've listened to you more, or talked to you more that last year of high school. Maybe things wouldn't have gone so sideways and gotten so messed up."
They finished the dishes and both sat down at the breakfast bar. "Hey, Finny, you had your own path to follow. You had to grow, to learn, do things on your own, to discover who you were and what you wanted. Yes, I tried to offer advice and guide you as much as I could, but in the end, you needed to find your own way. And honey, I know keeping the truth away from you about your dad's death didn't help, and telling you the truth when I did really only made things harder on you. I'm still so sorry for that, Finn."
"Mom, c'mon, stop. It's okay. You and me, we're still a team, we just have more players on it now." He took her hand and kissed the back of it. "And that stuff about dad, I know I sure as hell didn't handle hearing it well at the time, but we worked through it. Sorry it took a year of me being a stubborn ass for that to happen. Not sure why I had to damn near lose everything in the process before I sorted myself out, but I got past it."
"Because you're your father's son. He was a little prideful and pigheaded like that too sometimes."
"Yeah? Did he almost lose YOU when you were that age?"
"More than once – and for a lot less complicated reasons," Carole nodded.
He grinned ruefully. "Guess we had more in common than I know, huh?"
"So much more. God, I see so much of him when I look at you. Not just your appearance either – although there's no denying the resemblance. But your mannerisms, your moodiness, your laugh... And I'm sure someday you'll get to experience that too. You'll understand one day, now that you have a son of your own. You'll see yourself mirrored in him. And then at some point, you'll have all this hard learned life knowledge to pass onto him, and maybe he'll fight against it and give you just as much hell as you gave me at times. And when he does, just remember we had this conversation."
Finn burst out laughing. "Is that some kind of future case I told you so?"
She chuckled. "No. It's just how it works when you're a parent. You try to teach them and guide them and hope they learned something from the mistakes YOU made. As they grow up, you pray you gave them the right tools to succeed. Then you sit back and hope like hell they don't stick them in an electric socket and burn the house down."
"Well at least I never actually burned the house down..."
"True. But you did come close a few times."
"I was six!"
"The first time."
"Well the second time was Puck's fault, not mine. Anyway, I thought we agreed to never discuss it again!"
"Okay okay..." she giggled and placed a hand on his upper arm. "So tell me, how've you really been, honey? We haven't had a lot of time to talk, just the two of us, since you and Rachel found each other again. How are you coping with everything?"
"I'm good Mom. I promise."
"Mmm. But carrying the load you've been carrying all these months... You walked into an instant family – a family in recovery. You can't tell me it's been easy."
"Hell no, it hasn't. I can't lie, it's been one of – no, probably the hardest thing I've ever done. But it's so worth it. I just love them both so much, Mom."
"I know you do, baby, it's plain as day. So you and Rachel, things are good then?"
"Yeah, I think so. Maybe better than we've ever been. Mom, I don't know how she's survived all this shit and come out the other side in one piece. It gets a little nerve-wracking for me sometimes, like, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for her to snap or fall apart. Waiting for ME to screw up and her to send me packing again..."
"Yeah, please don't screw up again, Finn."
He chuckled, "Hey, I'm trying my hardest not to, especially now. But y'know, she's doing really great for the most part, and I'm trying my best to help her stay that way. She's so damned strong and determined to be a good mom for Cam. And she really is, Mom. She's like, cut from the same steel-threaded cloth as you I think."
Carole nodded. "We single moms have to be tough like that. And yes, I was still grieving when you were still so small and I had to worry about raising you on my own, but Rachel's certainly going through something just as bad if not worse. She had much more than love taken from her. I'm so impressed with her resilience."
"I know. She is like, the most amazing person ever... but she often reminds me that she didn't pull through it all alone. And I gotta say, I'll never figure out how or why Santana Lopez helped put her pieces back together again, but she did – and thank GOD she did. She may have even done more for Rach and Cam than I ever could have."
"Listen, that girl has surely come a long LONG way since high school, and she absolutely will hold a special place in my heart from now on, but don't kid yourself, Finny. You would have been just as much help to Rachel as Santana or anyone else could have been."
"I don't know mom... just with what I know now about how hard things were for her then, what she went through, I'm not sure I could've handled it or been much help. I don't know how I could have been strong enough. I mean, her just telling me what happened to her made me vomit. Literally."
"Oh sweetheart. That was just the shock of it all. You always have felt everything on such a deeper level where Rachel's concerned. But I think, just like now, you would've gotten past that and done what you had to do. And I know you hate that you weren't there for her in the beginning, especially for the pregnancy. I just hope you don't still blame yourself for what happened to her, that you're not holding onto all of that regret."
"I'm not. Well, I'm trying not to anyway. I kinda was at first, if I'm being honest. It was hard to let that idea go for a while there, but I swear I'm really not. Thanks to Dr Reyes, I'm figuring out how to move past those feelings and just be in the present. Planning for the future with her and Cam kinda helps too."
"Good. That's terrific, sweetie. And that's really good advice. I'm so happy you two have stayed in therapy together. I can see how much benefit it's been – for both of you. You seem much less tense, and Rachel seems much more confident and less burdened, even just since your last visit. Together you both just seem stronger and more in love than I've ever seen you."
"I think we are. I know we're on some different level in our relationship. It's kind of a shitty irony that THIS is what we had to go through to get to this point, though."
"Yes, I'd have to agree with that."
"Too bad high school Finchel didn't have a Dr Reyes to mediate things, maybe coulda saved everyone a WHOLE lot of heartache, huh?"
"Are you kidding? You two were BOTH so stubborn, I'm not sure either of you would have listened if you had found someone like that back then!"
"You're probably right."
. . . . .
Carole wanted to spend a little time with Rachel alone and had insisted they take a couple of hours to go shopping for new outfits for the anniversary dinner (her treat). They left all their boys at home and went to the mall, stopping at the food court for a quick lunch.
"Finn and Kurt have both raved over your show stopping performance at karaoke last week! You must feel really good about that, getting back on a stage and being in front of a crowd again?"
Rachel nodded slowly as she sipped her unsweetened iced tea. "Yes, I-I think I do. I was kind of terrified at first, if I'm being completely honest... but something inside me said 'no, Rachel, it's just a bunch of drunks in a bar, you can do this!' and then I looked at Finn, and just knew that I could."
"He told me you've been struggling with the idea of pursuing Broadway again. Honey, can I ask why you've been so reluctant?"
Rachel sat quietly for a few beats, trying to decide how to explain her reasons. "I lost myself for a long time, I think. It's like... almost like he took my identity that day. The day of the attack, just before it happened, I was preparing for my Funny Girl callback, and I was feeling on top of the world. I was so ready to conquer Broadway then, so confident and sure of myself, prepared to make Finn proud and show him that his sacrifices weren't made in vain. But afterward, it felt like I'd never be that person again. Something changed inside my soul that night. It's a little hard to explain..."
"Sweetheart, you don't need to dredge up painful memories. I can't even imagine what you endured or what it's been like to get past it. I'm just glad that you have – or you seem to be getting there."
"No, it's okay. I don't mind talking to you about it. Finn and I talk about it quite a bit – and not just in therapy. But to be honest, I think I've needed someone, like a mom to just vent to now and then. A woman's point of view, you know?"
Carole covered the smaller girl's hand with her own. "Of course. And if you need me, I'm always here, honey. I've always thought of you as family, Rachel. I just hadn't wanted to pry or ask questions that made you feel uncomfortable."
Rachel smiled and placed her other hand on top of their already joined ones. "Oh, Carole you simply couldn't ever. And thank you for being that mother figure I've been missing. There's probably truth in something Finn said, about how my not talking through things would eat away at me, and I think he's right. I usually do feel better once I've talked things through."
"He worries about you so much, sweetheart."
"I know he does. It still amazes me how I got so lucky to find someone like him. I'm unsure why he still puts up with all my crazy like he does after all this time. Especially after how much I hurt him when I pushed him away that last time."
"Oh Rachel, traumas and tragedies aside, every relationship has troubled times. No couple can go on without occasional arguments or pain. We both know he's hurt you just like you've hurt him in the past, but he loves you so much, with his whole heart. And it's so clear how much you love him, so as long as you both care enough to put in the work together, you've got nothing to worry about."
"I hope not, because I can't ever imagine my life without him, certainly not now, And this last time when I pushed him out, I know now that was just my own defense mechanism at play. You know, for a long time after I learned I was pregnant, I sort of shut down. I'd already felt like I lost so much that night, but then – and this might sound terrible, but, being pregnant sort of took away whatever slivers were left of me, of my dreams, of the future I'd planned for and worked so hard to achieve. I thought I'd never have any of it back and that I wasn't worthy of any of it anymore either."
"That sounds completely logical to me, considering what happened to you. Every part of you had to be affected by this trauma. But you know, of course, none of that is true, right?"
"I do now, yes. And I almost let the monster win, to succeed in breaking me completely, irrevocably. But Santana pushed me past the worst parts, and then Finn came back into my life and has helped keep me focused on the future. Since then, everything has improved so much.
"I can't say I feel one hundred percent back to my old self – and maybe I never will – but I do feel my old ambition stirring. I still think being a mom is my number one priority now, and my relationship with Finn is tied up in that too, but, I think if I can put in some effort, I can find room for myself again. I think I was afraid to dream anymore after the attack. Finn reminded me of why I shouldn't be though. Your son is truly amazing."
Carole smiled and patted Rachel's hand. "You two are quite amazing together, sweetie. You bring out the best in each other. And okay, maybe also the worst sometimes too, but that's love... I just know I've never seen either of you happier than when you're together. And I hope you know, if you decide to take your shot at Broadway again, it should be for YOU and what you really want, not because Finn is pushing you in that direction. If you're not ready, you're not ready."
"Oh, no no, he's never pressured me to do anything; he just gently reinforces the positives and helps restore what I thought I'd forgotten or lost – my self-esteem, my confidence, my ability to dream. I felt so hopeless for so long. Dr Reyes and I had been working on that for nearly a year before Finn and I reunited. Since Finn's been back though, I've definitely felt more like the old Rachel Berry with a headful of dreams and eyes full of stars – just not all of that is Broadway related. I still worry I might be taking on too much too soon, but I won't know what I can handle until I try."
"And that's all you can do, sweetie: try. Just know we're all here for you and we'll support whatever choices you make."
"Thank you, Carole, that means so much to me."
"Now, how is motherhood treating you?"
"Oh my gosh, it's the single most rewarding thing I may ever do in my life! I'm sure you already know what I mean."
Carole nodded, "Sure I do."
"There is just something indescribable about looking into the eyes of this tiny human whom I created... it might be partly why I walked away from the idea of Broadway for so long too. I felt the need to put everything into raising Camden. Growing up without a mother, I knew I didn't want him to feel the same things I've often felt in my life. My dads are wonderful and have given me all the love and support in the world, but it's not quite the same as a mother's love. I have to tell you, you are the reason I now know what I was missing. Seeing you and Finn together, I have to admit in the beginning, I was a little envious of Finn for the bond you two share."
"Stop it now, you're going to make me cry."
"It's true though, you're such an incredible role model to me, and now having a son of my own, I just know that I want so much for him, for his future... but maybe that means setting good examples by following my own dreams and having a strong work ethic too. You did it, and you did such a tremendous job of raising Finn, so I think I can do it too. I'm going to do my best to try to be both: be a great mom and at some point, a good wife, and also follow my dreams to find career success. And I now realize, it's perfectly okay if I fail at the career thing, but I will not allow myself to fail at being a mother. And this time, I will not let Finn down again; I'll prioritize my family above all else."
"Wife huh?" Carole smiled with wide eyes, "I noticed the ring dangling from your necklace but I didn't want to assume anything. Does this mean what I think it does?"
Rachel giggled softly as she fingered the diamond ring at her throat. "Oh! You mean Finn hasn't told you? Yes, we've talked about it, and yes, we are engaged again. But, I'm not in a hurry to start planning a wedding. I will be, one day, but there's just no rush. I mean, we love each other and we've committed to each other already, and that's enough for right now. But it's always been Finn, you know?"
"Yes, and for him, I'm certain it's always been you too. I'm very happy to hear you're talking about the future together, and even happier that you're engaged again. You're right though, there's no reason to rush things, but... can I ask why you're not wearing the ring on your finger?"
Rachel looked down, feeling a little ashamed. "I... I guess there's a few reasons why, but it might seem silly, and I don't want you to think less of me."
Carole's warm cinnamon brown eyes that matched her son met Rachel's big brown ones. "Oh sweetheart, why on earth would I ever think less of you? That simply isn't possible; but if you'd prefer not to tell me, that's fine."
"Well, it's just that, part of me is maybe still feeling unworthy of Finn. It's stupid, because I know it's not true, but it's this tiny nagging voice in the back of my mind. A voice that sounds like Brody and calls me unspeakable things and makes me feel..." Rachel sighed and struggled with her words and fought to keep her tears at bay.
Carole came around the table to Rachel's side and pulled her into a hug. "You just ignore that voice, Rachel, because it's wrong. You are beautiful and talented and have such a pure soul... and a big heart. And so much to offer my son and YOUR son. We all love you sweetie; and no matter what that voice says, it's just wrong."
Rachel hugged her back and couldn't stop a few tears from slipping out. "That means so much coming from you, and I know I shouldn't feel like I do, but still... thank you mom." The moment the word slipped out of her mouth, Rachel gasped and pulled away, looking extremely apologetic and attempting to backpedal. "Oh my gosh, I mean Carole! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to–"
"Oh, hush! You're more than welcome to call me mom, honey," Carole said with her hands on both of Rachel's cheeks.
Rachel beamed a watery smile. "Thank you... You know, after all this time, it still astounds me to think we ended up together like this, Finn and I. He's brought so much joy to my life, the least of which has been you and this wonderful family that I feel so privileged to be a part of. I know now where Finn gets it from, that thing that makes him so special.. It starts with you."
"Well... That might just be the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me, Rachel," Carole admitted with tears freely flowing.
"But it's true. If he were anyone else, I don't think things would be the way they are with us. It wasn't supposed to happen for us, you know? The nerdy theater geek and the popular jock, the most unlikely pairing who should've never worked – and yet against all the odds, here we are."
"Oh, I don't know if I agree with that; I think you two complement and balance each other perfectly. I'm not sure that the odds were ever truly against you at all."
"Hmm... maybe you're right, maybe it wasn't the odds – just the student body of McKinley High School."
The two women shared a laugh. "Everything is working out as it should, Rachel. The way it was always supposed to. I'm so proud of you both for not giving up on each other. I'm quite positive you will go the distance together, marriage certificate or not. Not that I wouldn't love to dance at your wedding someday – I think I've been Team Finchel since before I even knew what that was!"
Rachel burst out laughing with tears glistening in her eyes. "You'll get that dance someday, I promise. Somehow I just know, Finn and I are forever, and I know one day I will walk down that aisle to him."
Carole nodded, believing the same thing. "So... Finn said you'll have to testify at the trial. Are you ready for that?"
"I think I'm in a better state of mind to handle it now, yes. It's just, the idea of speaking in court, in a public setting like that, and facing HIM again, it sort of terrifies me a little. But I've been working on it in therapy, and the prosecuting attorney has been preparing me... so has Finn. He tells me all the time I shouldn't let him have that power over me, that this is MY story, my truth, and I need to hold my head up high and just tell it like it is."
"I'm inclined to agree... My goodness, when did my son become so wise?"
Rachel giggled, "Your son is amazing and full of surprises. Mostly, I think he's been deeply engrossed in our therapy sessions. He's even had a few private sessions with Dr Reyes without me. I love him for being so committed to helping me work through all of this... he didn't have to be."
"Oh honey, I think there's nothing Finn wouldn't do for you."
Rachel nodded. "I think I'm starting to believe that. He's seen some of my darker moments already, and he's never once blinked or turned away. He's always asking what he can do or what I need... He seems so worried he'll hurt me or break me somehow, which is kind of ridiculous. Honestly, all I feel from him is love, support, encouragement... He's my safe place. He's my home, you know? So, yeah, I know I can handle giving my testimony in court. It might be hard, but I know I'll have Finn to help pull me through, and it'll be okay."
"As happy as it makes me to hear how well my son is treating you and handling all of this, and how proud I am of both of you for working together, you need to know you have more than just Finn on your side, honey. We're all here to support you in any way we can. Don't forget that. And I'd really like to be there with you for the trial. Would you be okay with that?"
"That would mean so much to me, Carole... you have no idea."
Carole cupped Rahel's chin. "That's what moms are for, sweetheart."
Rachel beamed her megawatt smile. "Thank you, mom."
. . . . .
"STEEEE-RIKE!" Finn threw both fists in the air in celebration as Mike hung his head.
"What is that, like five frames in a row you've thrown all strikes? Dude, maybe you should go pro. We'll get you one of those fugly tan cardigans with reindeer on it and you could be like the Big Hudowski of Lima or something," Mike chuckled.
"Like hell you will!" Kurt shrilled. "Bad enough I suffered through Rachel's unfortunate style choices for so long; I'll be damned if I'd allow my brother's wardrobe to be invaded with animal prints too! I'm still working on abolishing his flannel problem."
Rachel frowned and was about to respond but Finn beat her to it. "Hey! I don't have a flannel problem – you do. Anyway, I always liked Rach's reindeer sweaters," Finn shrugged, walking over to kiss his girl on the cheek.
Blaine chuckled and spoke up. "Calm down Kurt, I'm sure Mike was just joking... but ah, Mike, I think you are confusing your bowling references. Yes, The Dude in The Big Lebowski was a bowler, but a more apt reference might be Finn Munson, as in Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson's character in Kingpin."
Finn grinned, shaking his head. "Sorry man, think I'd rather go with the reindeer sweater. I don't think I can rock a comb-over or a hook for a hand."
Kurt looked first to his brother and simply exclaimed "NO." then turned to Blaine. "And exactly why do you know all these bowling movie references anyway? Who are you right now?"
Blaine shrugged, "Sorry babe, Finn and I enjoy those movies. And football. And World of Warcraft. It's our form of male bonding. Besides, I can only watch so many Judy Garland musicals before I need to watch something a little less... gay." At that Kurt gasped.
"Yeah Kurt, he might be your boyfriend, but he's my sort of brother in law too. So just, y'know, chill. You can share Blaine with me, just like I share Rach with you."
"Um..." Blaine tried to find something to say to avoid further igniting the conversation, but it was too late. Kurt's head was already spinning, Exorcist style.
"SHARE? You think you SHARE my best friend? No, no sir, that is not what happens. And the truth of the matter is that you've always monopolized all her time anyway. Even when you're not around or when you've been broken up, you're still all we end up talking about most of the time! And since when have you and Blaine become so close? He's been in California for the last three years while you've been thousands of miles away on the other side of the country!"
Finn took a long pull from his beer. "We play Xbox Live online. And sometimes we've Skyped a movie together. But I dunno, we hung out a lot during senior year too, usually when you were off having girls nights with Rach, Tina and Cedes. And we hung out even more when you took off for New York," he stated as he sat down next to Blaine, offering him a fist bump.
Mike laughed at the (pointless) quarrel brewing between Finn, Kurt and Blaine. "Sorry guys, I didn't mean to create issues. I'll have to rewatch Kingpin and refresh my memory for more accurate pop culture references in the future."
Meanwhile in the lane next to them, Rachel was throwing her seventh gutterball in a row. Tina wasn't that far ahead of her on the scoreboard, but both girls were faring better than Kurt, who refused to actually put his fingers in the holes of the ball.
"Rach, babe I think I need to give you a few more lessons," Finn said, stepping over to hug her from behind as she fretted over her scorecard. He knows how frustrated she gets when she isn't succeeding at something. Her competitive nature was still present, even if it wasn't always obvious. He knew she'd be stewing over her poor performance for the rest of the night.
She looked over her shoulder with a small smile. "Baby I appreciate the offer, but that might be part of the problem. You like to wrap yourself around me and then I'm too distracted by YOU to actually learn anything. I may just have to hire an actual professional bowling instructor to teach me this ridiculous game." She huffed, but then spun around in his arms and kissed him soundly on the lips. "But you can still try to coach me; I'd still enjoy your... efforts."
Finn smiled as he tightened his hold on her and planted a searing kiss on Rachel's mouth. "I like teaching you," he said as he smiled into another kiss.
"Oh gawd. You two are still as nauseating as ever. It's just like high school all over again," Kurt complained. "Why did I even agree to this as our date night out together?"
"C'mon Kurt, they're engaged again. They're in love. I think it's adorable seeing them like this, especially after everything they've been through," Tina defended.
"Tina Cohen Chang, you're in love; Blaine and I are in love. None of us are seen spelunking in our partner's mouths all the time – and in public, no less!"
"Yeah but don't you think they've kinda earned the right after everything, Kurt? Besides, they're barely kissing," Mike added, then looked at the couple in question and saw an impromptu heavy makeout session beginning to ramp up. "Okay, well maybe not right now, but usually..."
"Easy for all of you to say! None of you are related to either of them. He's my brother after all, and she's my best friend. I've been scarred by far too many instances of walking into rooms and finding them far too undressed for my liking over the years. Excuse me for having horrific flashbacks!" Kurt huffed and flicked his hair to the side.
"Which you wouldn't have in the first place if you'd ever learn to KNOCK FIRST and not just barge through closed bedroom doors uninvited," Finn interrupted his kissing session to snipe at his brother.
"Or maybe you should learn how to use a LOCK, Finnegan," Kurt slapped back. "Or better yet – get a hotel room, or go to Rachel's dad's house! They're hardly ever home anyway!"
"Can we change the subject now? I'm getting hungry. Are we going to eat?" Rachel added hopefully, in an attempt to douse this little skirmish before it got any more out of hand (or any more embarrassing).
"Yeah, me too, Rach. This little one is always wanting to be fed already and she's not even four months along," Tina smiled while rubbing one hand over her little bump as she looped her free arm through Rachel's. "Let's head to the concession stand and see if there's anything good and greasy there to hold me over until we get to the restaurant."
Rachel giggled, "Excellent idea, Tee. Although, I wouldn't recommend ordering anything greasy, but I understand the cravings. Cam made me crave bacon quite a lot by the middle of my pregnancy. We can discuss your wedding plans, too, while the boys finish their game. Kurt, are you joining us?"
"You had me at wedding plans. So when is our season, what is our color scheme, do we have a designer in mind for the gown? How many bridesmaids are we thinking?" Kurt began rattling off a hundred questions and Tina pulled a face at Rachel, mouthing 'thanks a lot' in silent protest.
. . . . .
The next day, the group of former gleeks decided to get together for lunch at Breadstix since it was the day before Finn and Rachel were set to return to New York. Much to everyone's surprise, Puck showed up for a long weekend visit, stating that he hadn't seen his own mother or sister in far too long.
"So Noah, exactly where have you been disappearing to on weekends for the entire summer?" Rachel asked coyly, although she already knew the answer to her question.
Puck took a big bite of his burger and proceeded to answer her while chewing. "As a matter of fact, that's the news I was gonna share with everyone. I've been hanging with Q a lot, and we decided to give this thing a real try. So..." he paused to suck down several gulps of his chocolate shake, "I'm moving to Connecticut with her."
"WHAT?!" The group sang out in unison.
"Dude seriously? You're finally making your move?" Finn asked as he lightly punched his buddy in the shoulder.
"That's amazing!" Tina squealed. "You two were always meant to be."
"Well, having a kid together does that for you, I guess," Blaine mumbled to Kurt who seemed to nod in agreement.
Puck shrugged. "Guys it's not that big of a deal. I just, I dunno, I think she's finally chilled out enough to really give us a fighting chance. She lost some of her bitchy chick-battiness and seems to be serious this time... so we'll see."
"So you're hanging up your sex shark ways, huh?" Mike asked while popping his eyebrows.
"Hey, I can still be a sex shark, I'll just be a one-woman shark tank from now on. And I think I'm cool with that."
"You think? Noah, don't you think you should KNOW by now?" Rachel asked.
"Listen, Baby Babs, we're not all FINCHEL, okay? Some of us have to like, test the waters, learn to swim in the deep end, shit like that. You two have been a done deal since sophomore year. That's pretty rare. And y'know, Q's put my balls and my heart through the ringer more than once, but she thinks she's ready to trust me and really do this thing. So... we're just gonna try and see where it goes, okay?"
Rachel leaned over and hugged Puck. "I'm sorry Noah, I get it. And I'm happy for you both. I just wish Quinn was here with us today."
"Well she wanted to be, but she just started a hoity-toity new job and couldn't get away right now. But she wants you two to come visit after the trial is over. And bring the little barf-meister here too, I guess," Puck said looking at Camden in his high chair, then leaned toward the baby whispering, "Just dude, remember what we discussed, no more puking on Uncle Puck or I'll lock you in a closet."
"You'll do no such thing to my son, Noah Puckerman!" Rachel shrieked.
"I'm pretty sure he's only joking babe," Finn nudged her in the side. "Because if he's not, he won't live to apologize."
"So... Mike and Tina are tying the knot in October with a new Chang baby on the way, Puck and Quinn will be playing house in Stamford, the Finchels will be Fincheling in The Big Apple, and I will be permanently moving to Paris by November as the newest assistant to the head men's line designer at Lanvin!"
"Whoa! That's awesome little brother!" Finn exclaimed, "But, what about Blaine?"
Blaine quickly replied, "I'll be moving there with him after graduation next year. I'm planning to focus on international contract law, so I'm hoping to line up a clerkship or something and maybe get into a Parisian firm, or maybe something in Amsterdam, somewhere I can commute to. It'll be a great experience for me and would make me far more marketable to larger firms if and when we return to the states. Until then, we'll just keep doing what we've been doing, making the long distance thing work."
"That's so great Blaine! And I'm so proud of you Kurt, I always knew that Hippo Brooch was going to take you places," Tina giggled. "Does Cedes know this news yet? Has anyone heard from her?"
"Absolument! She's my fashion sister from another mister! I spoke to her a few days ago when I got the news. She's over the moon happy for me and insisted that once her album is done being recorded, she and Sam are going to fly out from LA to come visit me. I think she's expecting some free sample couture as a souvenir though..."
"I think Sam is just looking for a sappy romantic place to finally pop the question," Mike added matter-of-factly.
"Sam's going to propose?!" Rachel exclaimed.
"Yeah, pretty sure... he was asking my advice on gemstones and diamond cut styles. I gotta take that as a sign," Mike laughed.
"Well looky at all of us. It's like we're all grown-ups and shit," Puck chortled.
Rachel wrinkled her nose and glared at him as he wiped a blob of ketchup off his shirt, "Well, most of us anyway," but before she could say anything more Finn pulled her into his side and planted a firm kiss on her lips.
. . . . .
"To my beautiful wife Carole, and this wonderful family we have together now – Finn, Kurt, Rachel, Camden, Blaine – it's been a terrific four years so far, and I can't wait to spend the rest of our future together. Thank you for making me such a happy man. I love you, honey," Burt said as he concluded his toast and leaned over to kiss his wife.
That evening, the Hudson-Hummels celebrated their four year wedding anniversary at a new Italian Bistro – Lima's first and only – with their children, grandson and their someday in-laws, Hiram and Leroy Berry. The night was filled with good food, laughter, embarrassing stories of the kid's pasts, and plans for their futures.
Kurt shared stories of Paris and the new job he'd soon be starting. Blaine talked about college life and then found himself in a deep conversation with Hiram about some sort of lawyer-type things, while Finn, Burt and Leroy discussed something sports related that Rachel couldn't follow. She bounced Cam gently on knee then looked to Carole and smiled.
"Isn't this wonderful? All our boys, so happy together."
"I couldn't ask for anything more," Carole said with a few tears gathered in her eyes.
New York...
Rachel felt very anxious upon their return to the city. Leaving Lima was just another indication of how much closer they were to the start of the trial and her need to take the witness stand.
While they were gone, they learned Brody had been arrested again, this time for the male prostitution charges, and this time held without bond thanks in part to him essentially breaking the restraining order by being present for the day of Cam's visitation with his mother, but also for filing misleading reports to police against Finn. Seems the NYPD and the judge were finally seeing what Rachel and Finn already knew – this guy was bad news and needed to be locked up.
. . . . .
Monica Sarfati was the Assistant District Attorney prosecutor in the assault case against Brody. Rachel had met with her twice before, and had several phone calls with her in preparation for the trial.
A compassionate but sharp-witted young woman, Miss Sarfati was in her mid 30's, had a take-no-BS approach and an excellent conviction rate. Rachel thought she was exactly the right defender of justice for this case and was hopeful that, with her help, Brody would be locked away for a long time, and this whole nightmare would soon be behind her. Then she and Finn could move on together with their future and raise their son in peace.
Finn and Rachel entered the D.A.'s office hand in hand for Rachel's final meeting to prepare for the trial, which was to begin the next day. The ADA greeted them cheerfully and seated them in a conference room that was setup to look like a mock courtroom. Finn supposed that was to help the witness feel less overwhelmed and offer an idea what to expect when the time came for their day in court. He knew without her saying it that Rachel appreciated this practice run and was sure she considered it a dress rehearsal.
During this meeting, Rachel wasn't too surprised to have been presented with a final request for a plea deal from Brody's lawyer. The lesser charges they'd suggested would mean a guaranteed conviction, but only eighteen to twenty four months in jail (less, with time served while awaiting trial). The plea deal would also include fines and restitution, mandatory counseling for anger management and sex offender rehabilitation among other things, but he would not have to register with the National Sex Offenders Database, since the sexual assault charges would be reduced to simple assault and battery.
Considering how much Brody's actions upended Rachel's (and also Finn's) life on that fateful night, she knew there would always be an echo of the pain he'd inflicted present in her mind, probably for the rest of her life. She also didn't want to chance the possibility of other women being victimized by him ever again. She didn't feel two years' punishment was going to make a significant difference in his life, nor in her feeling of security.
Despite her forgiving nature, she had no desire to see him walking free again any time soon, especially not with her young son in mind. With Finn's full agreement and support, Rachel refused the deal, understanding that it meant with certainty that she would be testifying in court. She'd be taking her chances on the opinions of twelve strangers on the jury in hopes of getting a maximum sentence that carried a minimum of twenty years jail time. Miss Sarfati was fine with this decision, feeling the state's evidence was strong enough to merit a solid conviction with hefty jail time.
As much as Rachel objected, Finn was asked to step out while Miss Sarfati went over the questions she had planned to ask Rachel on the stand. Thankfully, Rachel could at least still see him through the glass wall of the mock courtroom space. After approximately thirty minutes, Rachel was rushing back into Finn's arms. She managed not to cry or break down in any way, but her stomach was full of nervous knots and she just wanted to get home to Camden.
. . . . .
Finn and Rachel lay together in bed, naked and sated from an hour long love making session. When they got home after their visit to the ADA, they'd spent a quiet evening in. Their parents came to eat dinner and her dads took Cam for the night to stay at their hotel so Finn and Rachel could prepare for what was to come.
After everyone left around 8pm, they'd spent a few hours talking through her anxiety for the next day which included a twenty minute unplanned phone session with Dr Reyes, who told Rachel he'd be available for her any time during the trial.
There had been some debate as to whether Dr Reyes should testify, but in the end, Rachel didn't want to risk him airing anything unrelated to this case (considering she'd been talking to him about much more than the assault – in particular, anything pertaining to her and Finn was to remain closely guarded). She didn't trust that they wouldn't be opening a can of worms allowing Dr Reyes to take the stand.
Ultimately the ADA agreed with Rachel and felt they had strong enough evidence to get a conviction; Dr Reyes would just serve to garner added sympathy votes from the jury and they'd already have that in the form of Santana and Rachel's testimony, not to mention, the bomb that Cassandra July was going to drop right on Brody's head.
Finn made it a point to relax his girl as much as possible that night, beginning with a bubble bath and a massage and ending with three orgasms.
"Are you ready for tomorrow, baby?"
"I guess I'm as ready as I'm gonna get. Question is, are you ready, Finn?"
"Me? Honey, don't worry about me... I'll be fine."
"Finn, I know you've been working on letting your guilt about all of this go, but I also know at least some of what you're going to hear tomorrow and over the next few days. It's going to be ugly. I just worry that–"
"Don't, okay Rach? Please babe, don't worry about me. You are the one who has to do the heavy lifting here. I'm just, I'm gonna be your pit crew, okay? I'll take care of you when you need me. I'll be fine."
Rachel thought it was incredibly sweet and possibly a bit naïve of Finn to think he'd easily remain so steadfast and unaffected over the next few days. Yes, she'd done her best to let him in completely, and yes, he knows what happened to her. But even in therapy there are things she hadn't said, not out loud.
More to the point, there were things she still might not even know herself yet about the events of that night. She's only been able to share her experience from her perspective with Finn. Some of her anxiety about the trial was over hearing all the other versions of what happened that night – Cassie's, the doctors, the nurses... but she didn't want to completely freak Finn out, so she let the matter drop for the night.
She felt his tender kisses on her bare shoulder as he spooned her in bed, and she allowed herself to get lost in the feeling of everything Finn. He was her sanctuary once again, her home. He began humming softly a familiar tune in her ear, and soon was taking her back to some of their best memories together with one simple song. As if she couldn't love him enough, he made sure to distract her with what she needed, just when she needed it most.
His sweet serenade was the last thing she heard as she drifted off to sleep, secure in his strong arms. She'd worry about the trial tomorrow; for tonight, she'd let Finn's beautiful honey-warm baritenor voice remind her how loved she was while he lulled her to peaceful dreams (she hoped). Nobody could promise what would happen tomorrow, so for now, she'd simply revel in his love tonight.
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
And on the highway of regrets
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love
There is nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
tbc...
A/N – Okay don't hate me but I lied again. (Did I mention before about my Finn math?) :-D This is NOT the final chapter before the epilogue, one more will follow. I think that works out for you, because it means you get a BONUS CHAPTER, YAY! =)
I had a touch of writer's block (sorry for that), and then the dam broke loose and the courtroom scene became MUCH bigger than I planned originally. What was meant to be the final chapter was fast becoming a behemoth. So, I hope this lighter, fluffier chapter (consider it the calm before the storm) tides you over a little longer and that you enjoyed it!
I promise the next chapter will be out very soon as it is about 95% complete already, as is the epilogue. The end is neigh folks...
SONG CREDIT:
'Make You Feel My Love' - written by Bob Dylan, used as this chapter's title & also as Finn's bedtime serenade to Rachel. And of course, performed hauntingly by Lea Michele in glee eps s5x03. The full studio track is included on my SDF YT Playlist, as well as the complete QB scene as aired performed by Rachel.
In two days it will be 11 years... I hope to have the next chapter published by then, but either way, this song and chapter is in memory of Finn and Cory. They'll both remain in our hearts and live on in all my fanfics, always ❤️
And because she has such a prominent place in this fic, this is also dedicated to Naya. 4 years ago yesterday she joined her good friend Cory... I like to think they're having a blast hanging out together and being so excited for Lea's new bundle of joy.
Pass the tissues, please. ;(