Tony was pretty sure he was going insane. That had to be the only reason behind his current behaviour. Insanity. That had to be it because even for him this was not normal. The thing was, he didn't want to stop. Okay, that sounded bad and it wasn't that bad, if that made any sense? It might be a bit unhealthy, though. Just a bit, though, and even then, it was understandable. Yeah, it was understandable. A bit crazy too though.

Ziva. This was all about Ziva because of course it was about Ziva, how could it not be when she was right there, always there (now, anyway). Ziva. Ziva. Ziva. Ziva. He felt this incessant need to be around her when they were together, to get in her space. To be close to her. And if not that and least in his line of sight. And he meant that in the least controlling way possible because who on earth could control Ziva David? Certainly not him. But being close was better. It was like she had this pull on him. That he couldn't help himself no matter what he did or tried to do. And he had tried. And he hadn't been successful at all.

And sure, neither of them was exactly good when it came to this thing called personal space. It was like personal space existed around the two of them, not between them, if that made sense. It did in his head. If they were standing next to each other it was like they were in one bubble rather than two separate ones and everyone else was around them. That was normal for them. Of course, that was normal. Always had been.

But this was more than that. Far more than that and Tony wasn't sure whether it was a good thing or not.

It wasn't even this need to be close to her, though that was definitely a thing as well but that was always a thing, it was also this need to know where she was. Which made him obsessive but really that behaviour made the most sense. At least in his mind. He had spent a whole summer not knowing where she was and not knowing if he would ever see her again. And, okay, it was a little bit obsessive. And a bit sad. He did panic when she took too long coming back from the bathroom that one time. It turned out that she had just been waylaid by Abby about who knows what. He'd been trying to calm himself down when she was sharing what Abby told her. He couldn't help it that his mind went to her getting kidnapped!

He just hoped that it wasn't obvious what he was doing. The last thing he needed was Gibbs on his case about him and Ziva acting inappropriately. Which they weren't, they definitely weren't. But he could see how people would get the wrong idea. They always got the wrong idea about them. They were just partners who looked out for each other. Nothing more and definitely nothing less. Partners that just needed to be close.

Ziva realised what she was doing almost too late. She had actually began doing it before she became fully conscious of it. Since when did she do things that she was not aware of? Never. She never did. For she was always in control, no exceptions. Except when it came to this, apparently. Which didn't even make any sense because it was so pointless and unnecessary so why was she doing it? Because her mind was stupid, that's why. Or, at least, that was the reason she was giving.

She found herself snatching her hand back from him a lot these days. And stopping herself from touching elbows when they were standing next to each other. And taking a step forward when she felt herself leaning into him when he stood behind her. And that was because she, for some reason, always seemed to be on the point of touching him. Putting hand on his back, squeezing his shoulder, briefly tapping his hand, even putting a hand on his chest. Which were all technically normal interactions with someone but not at the rate at which she found herself doing those things. Or rather, the rate she was stopping herself from doing those things. It was a lot of times. More than she cared for.

And all of this was unintentional! How had she not realised how many times she almost or was touching Tony? Was she really that bad? Or was it just because she was now overly aware of it that it was a problem? Either way, she should not be touching him this much surely!

It was like she still could not believe that all of this was real. That Tony was not real. That this was ok some sort of elaborate hallucination in the desert. She had had plenty of those, after all. Hence the needing to touch Tony to make sure he was really there. Except she couldn't do that because it was inappropriate and, more importantly, would raise far too many questions. Questions she didn't want to think about never mind give answers for.

Anyway, she should be getting better now, not second-guessing herself. She was safe. She was alive. She was with the people she considered family. When did that stop being a mantra and start feeling, being, real? When would she stop feeling like she needed to check that Tony was real? When would she stop feeling lucky to be here?

She felt a presence behind her and, for the first time in a while, she did not jump. She did not need to because she knew who it was.

"Thinking about something fun?" Tony asked cheekily, eyes sparkling in that obnoxious way of his.

She scoffed at him.

"You wish."

He leaned over her and she tried not to make it obvious that she was taking in his very distinct scent.

Yes, this was becoming a problem.