The door to the rotunda whips open and slams against the wall with a bang as Ellana rushes through. She doesn't stop. She runs back to her quarters, climbing the stairs two at a time, breathing heavily and teary eyed. She blinks them away as she deposits the letters, scroll, and toy onto the floor and heaves the lid off of the chest at the foot of her bed. These must be forgeries. I would know if my Clan was in danger! She thought. Another voice in her head battles the first, Then how does Leliana have my June's Knot? Ellana tosses aside neglected armor and camp supplies from her adventuring days. She claws at the contents of the chest until she finds what she is looking for: a collection of letters that she has received since joining the Inquisition. She hastily tugs at the knotted string with her teeth until it snaps. It's not real. It's just an attempt to lure me away from the Inquisition. Leliana was just protecting me and doing her job. And she hid them for…. Safekeeping? Kneeling on the floor, she flattens out an early letter from her Keeper alongside one from the Spymaster's hiding place. She leans closer to inspect the handwriting. If it is a forgery, it's perfect. Both messages contain the same slanted dots above the i's and loopy tails on the g's and y's. She sits back, vexed. Leliana had reported that her Clan was fine not even an hour ago. The letter! Ellana lunges towards her vanity, almost knocking the empty washbasin to the floor. She seizes the letter she received from Keeper Deshanna earlier that day. Her eyes dart back and forth between the papers at lighting speed. At a first glance, it looks the same as the others. It is not missing anything, but there is an addition. Unintentional. The proportions of the symbols on today's message don't match the others. Pen strokes are narrow in some places and bold in others. The slightly emboldened script shows signs of retouching because someone has closely copied Deshanna's writing. She never would have noticed without seeing the samples side by side.
"It's not possible." She fights to steady her breathing. "Why would they hide this from me?" Her lungs are stiff in her chest as she thinks about her people and what could have happened to them. The Inquisition never sent help. Deshanna requested gold to pay for a ferry across the Waking Sea, but would they have even made it that far with their numbers scattered? A sob rips from her throat as Ellana staggers to her feet and back down the stairs to the main hall. She wipes away the confused tears and shoves open the door to Josie's office. The diplomat is so startled that she drops her quill. Black ink smears onto the letter she was penning.
"Inquisitor!" She gapes. Her eyes roam from Ellana's disheveled hair and red-rimmed eyes to the blood on her sleeve, "You're hurt? Did something happen during your training?"
Ellana ignores her questions, "Where is Leliana?" She strides across the office to the opposite door, shouldering it open. Josephine's chair tips backwards with a clatter as she jumps to her feet and follows her friend.
"Wait! She's not in the War Room. Ellana please, stop -"
Ellana whirls around to face Josephine and snaps, "did you know too?"
"Know what? Please just tell me what's going on!"
"About the letters hidden in the library?"
"What letters?!" The diplomat pleads.
Sharp, joyless laughter bubbles up from Ellana's chest like a thunder clap. "The real letters, Josie. The ones you and Cullen and Leliana copied so that you could impersonate my keeper and convince me that Clan Lavellan was safe."
"I promise you, Ellana I have not the faintest idea what you are talking about!"
"Well someone must!" She demands, "someone knows and they will answer for this! Tell me, where Is Leliana!"
"I - I'm not sure. She wanted to confirm supplies for the journey. She might be out at the barracks…?" Josephine's eyes are full of concern. Ellana brushes past her friend and stalks back through the main hall. Josie's heels click rapidly on the hard floors as she follows the elf. "I'm sure there's an explanation. Please Ellana, help me understand what's going - oh!" Josephine halts at the top of the stairs. Ellana, feeling that she had walked up and down too many staircases today, plants her hand on the top step and drops off the edge of the platform. Her knees and ankles flex to land her nimbly on the ground below. She may not be an adventurer anymore, but Ellana still moves with a rogue's finesse. Her closest advisor hurries down the stone steps, jogging slightly to keep up. She tries another attempt at reason, "what did the letters say?"
Too little, too late, Ellana thinks. She doesn't want to be reasoned with. It's unforgivable. If it is true - If her advisors hid the demise of her people, there will be no room for reason. Even the strongest hero wouldn't recover from such cruelty, a voice inside her insists.
"There." Ellana growls as she spots her spymaster and her commander talking together near the armory. They look up as she approaches and their faces shift to the same shocked expression that Josephine wears. "Which one of you did this?" Ellana jerks the fake Deshanna letter out of her pocket and holds it out to them.
Cullen accepts the letter and furrows his brow, "Ellana, what's wrong?"
"You know what's wrong. I want to know how long you've been lying to me." Her volume increases with every word.
"Lying about what?"
"About my family!" Ellana's shrill voice is drawing attention now. The merchants down the hill stop their chatter. The soldiers carrying crates of weapons and supplies out the gates freeze. The world is slowing down to watch her unravel. She cannot stop the tears from leaking down her face as she shouts, "My friends! My people! You told me that they were fine! You told me that nothing has changed while they were stranded and fighting for their lives! Fighting for their children-" She chokes on another sob and clamps her hand over her mouth.
"Ellana, they are safe! We have never received a report that suggested otherwise!" Cullen insists. He frowns at the parchment again, "Does it not say they await our call, right here?"
"The letter is a counterfeit, Cullen!"
"We need to take this discussion inside, Inquisitor." Leliana speaks urgently in a hushed voice. Ellana almost gasps when she sees the look of guilt in her spymaster's eyes.
"You alone did this!?"
"Please, Ellana. Let's go up to the War Room." Josephine reaches for the elf's hand, only for her leader to rip it away.
"No!" She rounds on the Spy Master, "You deceitful little viper! Tell me why you've done this?!"
"I did not want to!" Leliana retorts, "It was not my decision."
"Then who?!"
"The order came from the Divine."
"Cassandra?" Ellana is floored. Cassandra, who set aside her grieving doubts to trust an elf after Justinia's murder. Who defended Ellana's innocence when they founded the Inquisition. And who Ellana had helped become the next Divine. Her friend. "Why?" she asks hoarsely.
"It's complicated. I can explain everything inside."
"Answer me, now!"
"War is coming, Ellana! Divine Victoria is doing what she must to ensure that there is only one." The bard pinches the bridge of her nose like she has a headache. "The Tevinter supremacists have declared Fen'Harel to be an enemy. They plan to restore the Imperial Empire before he restores the Elvhen one. The Zealots are weaponizing rumors of the rebellion to present themselves as the solution, and it's working. They threated to turn the Northern regions against the Divine if we do not cooperate. You must understand, if we are forced to defend beyond our borders as well as inside them we will lose. The Chantry needs to appease the Imperium for now. It was an impossible decision."
"And yet, they decided. You're telling me that the Chantry does not wish to spill blood unless it is Elven. No matter how loyal the Clans are to the humans, it's better to paint the Free Marches red than be seen as helpers to Fen'Harel."
"I'm sorry. The inquisition was forbidden from siding with the Dalish-"
"And what of your Dalish Inquisitor?!" Ellana mocks, "Have you forgotten? Or am I 'one of the good ones' to you shemlens?"
"It's not like that, Ellana, she had no choice." Cullen urges to no avail.
"She's a Spy Master! Herpeople move in shadows - or so she says - You cannot convince me that she 'had no choice.'" She turned back to Leliana, "you could have easily sent some form of aid to Lavellan yet you chose not to. Now our blood is on your hands."
"Maker help me, of course I know that! Don't you think that I know that? When we arrived at Haven you overheard me speaking to my messenger about Butler. He betrayed me, exposed and killed my best agent, and you questioned me when I ordered his death. I told you then that I would condemn one man to save dozens."
Ellana remembers Leliana's words from long ago: I may not like what I do, but it must be done. I cannot afford the luxury of ideals at a time like this.
Leliana continues, "It had to be done. It is as the saying goes, 'heavy is the head who wears the crown.' We can make sure that your people's sacrifices matter by staying focused on the task at hand."
"You're delusional if you still expect me to help the Chantry after this." She scoffs.
Leliana paused, then reluctantly she adds, "It is our obligation."
"How long ago did the true letter arrive? The one demanding my return?"
"A week ago."
A shiver runs through her like someone has dumped ice water on her head. How much could have happened in a week? She turns away from them, "I'm starting to think those rebels are right. Nothing ever changes. Even when we do everything the humans ask, you still condemn us to death."
"Your Clan might still be out there! It's not too late." Cullen calls after her weakly.
Josie, ever the voice of reason, speaks next, "Wait! Duke Cyril's Chateau is just West of the Free Marches. Maybe the soldiers can search while you are at the council. Or perhaps you yourself can go?"
She calls over her shoulder and starts back up the stone stairs, "Oh yes, I will be going to the Free Marches. But I'll be going on my own. Tell Cassandra she can go to Hell!"
"You cannot leave! You are duty bound!" Leliana follows her.
"How dare you attempt to appeal to my honor when you have none! Tell me, harrelan, what will you do?!" Ellana has never screamed at anyone like this before. Empowered by her ancestors, she shrieks down at the courtyard "You would attempt to keep me here? You would lock away the fucking Herald of Andraste? The people's savior? Do it, Leliana. I dare you. Send your spies to watch my door and I will tear them apart." Her voice feels raw, but powerful. This time when she walks back up the stairs, no one follows her.
Back in her quarters, Ellana sits surrounded by the clues of her Spymaster's deception: the hidden letters, Andruil's Prayer, and the old memento from a life she might never get back. The raised voices of Josephine, Cullen, and Leliana echo up to her balcony from far below
"You should have told us! You have turned the Inquisition into cowards! I cannot fix this, Leliana!" Josie shouts accusingly.
And then Cullen's voice, "There was no other way, Josie! Just give Ellana time, she understands this is the way of war."
The soldiers who understand sacrifice versus the bleeding heart who was taught to shield sacred things. Their confrontation mirrored the conflict inside Ellana. She used to be a solider too. At the height of the Inquisition, she made many hard decisions. When they troubled her, she pushed them to the darkest corners of her mind and tried to forget. But this is too far. Some things are too precious, no matter the reward. Her advisors' voices gradually fade away as they take their argument elsewhere. Meanwhile, Ellana mourns what she cannot confirm. She presses her face deep into the bedding and surrenders to the worry and the rage and the deep sadness clawing at her chest. She cannot escape images of her clanmates cold and terrified, wondering when the Inquisition guards will arrive. Alone and forgotten. Raw sounds of anger and despair are drowned out by the soft bear pelt and blankets. She cries until there is nothing left but anguished croaks. Without her clan, she too would be alone and forgotten. Another piece of my identity robbed. Time creeps by until the fade finally welcomes her exhausted mind like an old friend. It envelops her in ancient magic, tucking her away someplace safe. Hours later, Ellana opens her eyes and finds herself in the dark forest from the previous night.
"Frightened. You don't know what to do." His familiar voice speaks softly. Ellana feels a hand rest gently on her shoulder, "you are scared to know the truth but you cannot move on without it. Frozen until you know what happened to them."
"How did you find me, Cole?" Seeing him lifts her misery the tiniest bit. He is more of a spirit than a boy now. He sits beside her on the forest floor, casting a pale aura of light around them.
"I'm not sure. I came back to the fade to prepare for pain after the Exalted Council. So much pain to come. Too many spirits need compassion." Cole's eyes glow brightly beneath his silly hat and a mop of white hair. "I felt a pull and I followed it. You're hurt. Your heart is breaking." He frowns, reading her thoughts like a book. "Betrayed again. But it's different this time."
"Cassandra ordered the Inquisition to abandon the Dalish. Even the Clans who allied with us. Even…" She squeezes her eyes shut as pain grips her throat.
"Your people?"
She nods.
"So you are leaving the Inquisition to find them?"
"I have to know what happened. I'll never forgive myself if I don't." She opens her eyes again, pleading, "Can you help me?"
A pause to think, and then, "I can search for their souls in the fade surrounding the Free Marches. I can try to guide them to peace."
Ellana was wrong to think that she had no tears left to cry. Dull throbbing hopeless fury fills her chest again. Without her Clan she has nothing. In that moment of weakness, her desperate mind wanders to the man she once loved.
"I think that he does not want to be found. I know that he comes to the fade and I've looked for him but there's something… in the way. Stopping. Pushing. Not allowed." He pauses to glance into her mind, "you wonder if you will have more luck?"
"It's not like that." She's defensive. "I only thought about him because sometimes I feel like he's watching me. It's not because I care. He manipulated and abandoned me and - don't look at me like that - I don't even want to see him again, I - Cole, I'm so angry. I want to know why he's still toying with me when he's the one who left."
"And you fear you have nowhere else to go."
She sucks in a sharp breath between her teeth. Damn him. It's a truth she's not ready to accept. "You don't understand what it's like! Having people close to you and relying on them for survival makes your community feel alive. It's all I've ever known! In the Free Marches, they needed me just as much as I needed them. I went to the Conclave alone but that was different. My Clan was always waiting for me." She's rambling now. "Deshanna wrote me letters … I was recruiting for the Inquisition so I had my friends close to me. Now it's…"
"You have never been on your own before?"
She stifles another sob, "Not like this." She waits for a reply but it doesn't come. "I want to believe they're still out there but I don't even know where to start looking."
"You do. It's like Cullen said, you need to trust yourself. Think differently than you've been thinking. Differently than Leliana would think. You'll figure it out. I believe you will find some kind of closure at the end of this." He glances up as a freezing breeze rustles the branches overhead. "I don't think I like how this place feels. Too big. Your mind is open. Too inviting. You're right to think someone is watching and you should stop coming here."
"I don't think he's going to hurt me, Cole. Not physically."
The spirit hums quietly, lost in thought. He is listening to something she cannot hear. "Skyhold sleeps now. It's time to trust yourself. Be safe." He clasps her other shoulder and gives her a firm shake with both hands.
Elvish Vocabulary:
Shemlen - (Insult) human, literally translates to "quick children"
Fenedhis lasa - (common curse) dammit all/fuck off
Harrellan - (common curse) trickster