A/N: AU on timeline and a few details, in this version Soichiro Yagami and Light Yagami died in basically the same way as in canon, but it was right after Sayu's kidnapping and release. One-shot.
In this story, Sayu was released from the hospital a few days ago and is struggling to comprehend the deaths of her father and brother. She has been told her father died on duty and her brother was murdered by Kira.
Sayu Now
The Sayu before had loved karaoke. Ice cream parfaits. McDonald's breakfast.
Expensive sushi out was her favorite thing in the entire world. She was going to insist on that next birthday.
No matter how old she got she was not too old to beg her father for expensive sushi.
…that's what the old Sayu had thought.
She looked in the mirror.
Who was this person?
She looked like she had lived through a war.
But that was impossible, said the old Sayu.
The husk in the mirror agreed. It was quite impossible.
She shouldn't think anymore about it today.
She should call her father, he would know what to do.
Oh.
She sat on the bed.
She had known of course that her father would die one day. He was much older than her. He would die some day before she did. So would her mother.
But that would be in the future some day far away. Some day so far in the future it seemed as if it would never come.
And Light.
Light.
She chocked.
She could not think the name without an ache in her soul.
Light.
Light would always be there when she needed him.
Her perfect, amazing, almost flawless big brother.
He wouldn't always be in the room upstairs. They were adults now, he would get married and move away. Sayu would move away too.
But he would always be there.
She chocked.
Kira.
She clenched her hand, shaking.
She'd get him for sure.
He'd taken Light away from her.
He would pay.
It was a whole extra day before she thought of Misa.
Her mother was losing her mind, frantic and hurrying, crying suddenly and talking constantly, and Sayu could not be in her presence for long.
Always a little older than the average parent, always a little overprotected by her husband, she looked like a doddering elderly woman now, aged before her time.
Her mother would never understand her need for revenge.
But Misa might.
Misa loved Light. If there was anything she was sure of, Misa loved Light.
She had found Light's key to Misa's apartment before she had left. She had avoided thinking of him while she was in his room. It was just as if he'd be back, she told herself.
She shook as she headed out in the streets of Tokyo.
But she had a mission.
Misa would understand. Misa would want to find Kira as badly as she did.
Misa would understand the rage boiling her veins. The wrongness of it all.
Misa was young and energetic. And not old and used up.
There was no response to her ring at Misa's door.
But that didn't deter her.
She expected Misa to be crying. Curled up in her bed. Maybe blackout drunk.
She turned the key and stepped in the doorway, shouting for Misa.
It only took her a few seconds to realize the shouts would never be answered.
That Misa had chosen an entirely different way of dealing with Light's death.
Why am I not surprised?
There was no denial in her mind.
She did not even need to check the pulse.
She knew looking at the body.
The old Sayu would have screamed, would have shouted, would have cried.
Would have gotten on her knees and begged Misa to come back.
…would have called for Light.
He could fix anything, couldn't he?
Her perfect, flawless, amazing big brother.
Sayu reached for her cell and called Matsuda.
She told herself, as the cell began to ring, that she was only calling Matsuda because her father was busy being chief of police.
And she was only calling her father because Light was out of town.
And any minute, both of them would show up and deal with this.
…..and surely Misa was not dead, but only injured, injured in a way that Sayu could not realize was somehow different than death. One of those comas, that made you appear dead.
The blood on the carpet wasn't nearly as bad as it looked.
And the knife in her hand was somehow a fake.
No…..Matusda would call her father. And her father and Light would take care of it.
Just like they always did.
"Hello," came a voice on the other end.
"Matsuda?"
"Sayu?" came Matsuda's eager voice, concern and relief all mixed together, "How are you doing? Do you need something?"
She suddenly remembered Matsuda had had a crush on her. The thought was irritating.
"Misa's dead," came Sayu's voice.
It did not sound like her own voice. And certainly Misa wasn't dead. She should be asking for an ambulance.
"Where are you?" said Matsuda, voice suddenly intent, the detective taking over.
"Misa's apartment," came Sayu's cold voice again, giving the address, "She cut her belly, like a seppuku."
"You just, stay there," said Matsuda, voice mixed again, "We'll be there in a few minutes. Just…..sit down and don't…..do anything. It'll be alright."
Sayu clicked off without saying goodbye. She sat on the floor, and felt bitter laughter bubble up from somewhere.
Nothing would ever be alright.
Still, she waited patiently for Matsuda and the cops to arrive. It was what her father would have wanted.
And when he arrived it was almost funny, Matsuda going on as if it were just another day. Playing detective. Playing hero to the chief's daughter.
As if there was anything to protect anymore.
Still, there he was, getting her a glass of water and telling her to breath, sitting her down on one of Misa's plush chairs, off in the corner.
"Don't you dare take her statement right now!" snapped Matsuda to one of his fellow cops.
Someone's been promoted, she realized suddenly, as Matsuda issued orders.
Why was he promoted? Because there was an empty spot at the top.
It ached.
It ached.
It ached.
And it would never stop.
Sayu moaned and shifted her limbs, water shifting out of the glass as she moved.
"Sayu?", came Matsuda's voice again.
He was in her vision again suddenly. "Let's get you out of here."
He took her arm and almost picked her up, maneuvering her past all of Misa's furniture and the blood stains on the floor.
He looked around as they left the apartment. There was nowhere for her to sit.
"Can you sit on the floor?" he asked her.
"Wait for me," he insisted, as he helped her to the ground, his voice again that mix of concern, and relief and eagerness, "I'll walk you home,"
He gave her a worried look and she nodded.
It would not be fair to make Matsuda worry unnecessarily.
…..her father would not be happy with her if she did….
Whenever he got back from where he was.
"Close your eyes Sayu," said Matsuda, what seemed like hours later.
She knew what it meant, she had seen the stretcher go inside.
She closed her eyes, until he told her to open them.
"Should we go home now?" asked Matsuda, looking at her again. He held out his hand, the same look on his face as had been.
She handed him the glass of water she had been nursing, and he took it respectfully.
He diligently returned Misa's glass to Misa's apartment, despite Misa being a blood stain on the floor.
He's a good man, came Sayu's thought from somewhere.
Matsuda came back and reached his hand out again, she took it, and let him support her to the elevator.
They took one train, and then waited in the darkness of the station for the next connection.
Her mother would be worried.
"I don't want to go home," said Sayu suddenly.
"Where do you want to go?" said Matsuda, the concern and relief again mixing. The eagerness in his voice was almost like a puppy's.
"I want to go where my father and Light and Misa are." said Sayu, as a train rolled down the track in the distance.
He made a sudden movement and Sayu looked at him.
"You can't do that to your mother," said Matsuda, voice suddenly intent again, "And besides, you have a lot to live for."
"I know," said Sayu, turning up her head, "I'm going to kill Kira."
"Kira?" said Matsuda in shock, as they mindlessly entered an empty train car.
"Don't think I can't do it," said Sayu bitterly, glaring at him. She clenched her fist and sat down, to keep herself from glaring further at Matsuda. She felt as if she would scream or attack him if she looked at him any longer.
"I knew Misa was the only person who would believe in me," said Sayu, "But we could have done it, us together. Misa had contacts and charm, and I'm….I'm the daughter and sister of detectives. I can do it."
She glared at Matsuda again, a predatory glint in her eye, as he sat across from her. Perhaps attacking him was the first thing she needed to do, to be the kind of person who could kill Kira.
She would have to change, and be a different person. More like Light.
Who could've done anything.
She was not sure what the look on Matsuda's face meant. He was not responding to her threat.
But the puppy eagerness was gone, there was something there she did not understand.
"Sayu…" he whispered quietly but very firmly, "Sayu…..you can't kill Kira, because he's already dead."
"You're lying," the sound was a hiss.
They were lying about her father being shot. And about her brother being gone. And Misa was obviously faking her death.
Everyone was lying. Including Matsuda.
"No," he said, very gently, "No, Kira is dead, I saw him dead. I know it was him Sayu. I wouldn't lie to you."
The puppy eyes were back.
"I want him to suffer." said Sayu viciously, clenching her fists, nails digging into her palms as she stared up at Matsuda.
"He did Sayu," said Matsuda, "I shot him myself."
He held out his hands, the same mix of concern and eagerness in his face. For some reason she took them, putting her bloodied hands in both of his, and letting him clench them, where her nails couldn't reach her own skin.
His voice was firm, even as he looked away for a moment.
"I got revenge for your family."
Somehow that was all Sayu now needed to know.