AN: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! and a Gift for you all!
[h2]Glittervale's Siege of South Park Elementary[/h2]
The wind whipped through my short, blonde hair as I jogged next to Wendy Testaburger. My mage robes billowed around me like a cheap Halloween costume. The girls, our army, jogged behind us, charging into the fray. We charged as one towards South Park Elementary. Cartman, the self-proclaimed Grand Wizard, stood atop the jungle gym, his staff raised high above his head commanding the humans around him. His eyes widened as he noticed our advance, but he quickly composed himself, bellowing out a rallying cry.
"Sir Douchebag has arrived! For Kupa Keep!" His forces roared in response, reinvigorated by the turn of events. They were currently fighting gingers and elves in a free for all- The school protectors having apparently been dragged into the conflict- They will have to be dealt with.
I scanned the field, thinking quickly how this would all play out. Across the way, I caught sight of Kyle, the High Jew Elf King, signaling his elven archers to ready their arrows against the humans. He seemed confident that we were on their side, barely sparing us a glance, a mistake that would soon be rectified.
Wendy glanced over at me, as I pointed towards the gingers. "We'll show them who's boss," she said, her voice filled with conviction. A small, humorless smile crossed my lips as I nodded in agreement. Wendy half turned as we entered the playground giving one last yell, "Shine Bright! Shine Strong! For Glittervale!"
And with that bit of roleplay, the girls charged in. Though I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for the few boys I'd be fighting against today. At least I didn't see Kenny anywhere.
As if in slow motion, I watched my team charge towards the impeccably organized ginger hall monitors. Their shouts of "School is closed! Stop fighting on the grounds." falling on deaf ears. It was almost comical, really—their futile attempts to maintain order.
"Hey, Douchebag!" one of Gingers called out, swinging his makeshift sword at me. I sidestepped the attack, my mage's robe billowing around me as I did so. He stumbled past, and I threw a well-aimed firecracker in his direction, igniting his hallway monitor sash with a loud crack. The boy yelped and dropped to the ground, frantically trying to put out the flames. I couldn't help but smirk at the sight—serves him right for underestimating me.
"Nice one," Wendy said approvingly, before tossing a handful of marbles beneath the feet of an approaching elf who promptly slipped and fell with a yelp of surprise. We moved through the battlefield together, defending ourselves when necessary but never outright attacking either side. The confusion in the eyes of our former allies was satisfying.
"Watch out!" I heard Butters shout, and I turned to see him barreling towards a group of elves, his hammer swung high above his head. With surprising strength, he crashed into the enemy lines, his weapon colliding with wooden shields and shattering them like matchsticks. I clenched my teeth at the sight of him—Butters, my friend, who I'll have to betray.
"Damn it," I muttered under my breath, a twinge of guilt settling in my chest. But there was no time for regrets now. I had chosen our path, and I had to see it through. With a deep breath, I tightened my grip on my firecrackers, and prepared to face the chaos head-on.
"Stay focused, Tony," Wendy reminded me, her voice filled with determination.
I nodded, swallowing hard as I forced myself to push aside my emotions.
The sun began to dip low behind the school, casting long shadows across the battlefield as Wendy and I weaved our way through the chaos. The confusion in the eyes of Cartman's knights and Kyle's elves was starting to disappear as their minds began to see what was going on, despite them denying it.
"Stand your ground!" Wendy called out to her girls, her voice strong and commanding. "We've got them right where we want them!"
As the hall monitors scrambled to intervene, however, we targeted them with ruthless precision. One by one, they fell before us, their attempts to restore order crumbling like a house of cards.
"Keep it up, ladies!" Wendy shouted, her eyes alight with fierce determination. "We're winning!"
"Protect the girls!" Stan yelled, motioning for his elvish forces to form a defensive line around Wendy's team. Cartman see this, and still believing us to be on his side as well, sent his knights into the fray to support us.
"Ha!" I couldn't help but laugh, watching both groups try to prove themselves.
"We still need to take control of the doors." Wendy reminded me of the plan.
I nodded, my resolve hardening once more. We directed the girls to seize the high ground near the school steps, knowing that whoever controlled the entrance to the school, would control the Stick of Truth at the end.
The Gingers had formed a phalanx at the base of the stairs, keeping all children out of the school and standing firm despite the chaos. That however didn't last long as Wendy grabbed the nearby girl's attention, "Bring 'em down!" Wendy roared, her fists raised in defiance.
Her girls followed her lead, their attacks swift and brutal, and the phalanx shattered. Wendy whipped her brow next to me as we watched the hall monitors struggled to regroup. With the doors to the school secured I stood on the steps, surveying the carnage around me, I knew that no matter how dark and twisted our path had become, we would emerge victorious.
"Let's finish this," I whispered, my gaze locked on the last remaining holdouts of the ginger hall monitors. Wendy nodded, her eyes filled with steely determination.
"Together." She looked around the field receiving, seeing both sides of the main battle had enough girls spread out and with a piercing whistle she grabbed the attention of them all, "For Glittervale!" The girls roared in response to the unspoken command, each one turning on whoever was closest to them and attacking.
Taking advantage of the chaos I too dove towards the nearest boy, knocking him on the ground with a well placed punch.
"Traitor!" one of the boys snarled as a firecracker exploded in his face, but I didn't have time to dwell on his accusations. Instead, I focused on the task at hand, striking at my former allies with ruthless efficiency.
"Go, Bebe!" Wendy shouted, her voice carrying above the din. I glanced over just in time to see Bebe sucker-punch a boy who had tried to grab at her boobs, then proceed to pummel him mercilessly as he lay on the ground. Her rage was contagious as I felt myself feeling more vindicated in my assault of the boys.
Instead of guilt, all I could feel was flickers of pride at this turn around. We had turned the tables on both factions, using their trust against them. Moments later the battlefield erupted in a dazzling display of color as Leslie set off glitter bombs, a massive number of them, the shimmering debris coating the air like a kaleidoscopic haze. I squinted through the vibrant explosion, my mind racing with questions, was this some kind of mage skill? Were glitter bombs even allowed in this game? But as the glimmering cloud blinded Cartman's forces and disoriented Kyle's elves, I shrugged off my doubts. Rules be damned; we had a fight to win.
I gave the girl a large grin and a thumbs up as she looked in my direction, the awkward girl's blank face turning into a grin. The other girls seized the opportunity provided by the glittery confusion, raining down merciless blows on the boys. It was brutal and oddly beautiful. Just as any girl should be.
My momentary amusement vanished as I spotted Butters swinging his hammer at Annie, sending her crashing to the ground. I didn't know what to feel at the moment, my only two true friends in town fighting one another.
I slid in front of Butters, raising a firecracker threateningly. He faced me, his eyes wide and hesitant. Just by his look I knew that he didn't want to fight me, but I had chosen my side.
"Sorry, Tony," he mumbled, gripping his hammer tightly. "I gotta do what I gotta do."
And he had chosen his.
I nodded, readying myself. I swung at him, and he blocked, his movement clumsy and reluctant. He swung at me, but it was simple to dodge his clumsy swing.
In the midst of our scuffle, I glanced over at Annie, who looked too exhausted to move. I couldn't let her down. I looked back towards Butters who raised his hammer towards me, "Cartman would never forgive me if I didn't defend the humans," Butters said, his voice wavering. "But we're still friends, right?"
I nodded, as we squared off, and within moments, we were trading blows once again. After a few clashes, Butters tried to knock the wooden sword from my hand, but I gave him a kick to his stomach forcing him back.
Around us the cracks of wooden swords clashing started seemed to get louder as more skirmishes began.
"Ha, ha!" Butters laughed, swinging his hammer around at the battle, "All this chaos...it's so invigorating! I feel like I'm the master of it all!"
His laughter deepened, filling the air with an ominous rumble. For a moment, I blinked, and an image of a much more muscular Butters appeared in my mind. It was both terrifying and absurd, causing me to hesitate for just a second.
"Behold!" Butters declared, his cloak billowing dramatically as he raised his hammer high above his head. Dark clouds swirled overhead, lightning cracking through the sky like a whip.
"Wait, Butters—" I tried to warn him, but it was too late. With a triumphant shout, he pointed his hammer at me, and a bolt of lightning struck it with a deafening crash.
The shockwave hit me like a physical blow, knocking the breath from my lungs and leaving my body tingling with residual energy. Yet somehow, I remained standing.
"Uh...Tony?" Butters stammered, his eyes widening in disbelief as he stared at the hammer still crackling with electricity. "I didn't mean to—"
But before he could finish his sentence, the hammer slipped from his grasp and fell to the ground. The impact sent a wave of electricity surging back up his arm, causing him to collapse in a heap on the grass, twitching and spasming.
I quickly made my way to his side, filled with concern. But to my relief, he showed signs of life as he attempted to push himself up. I reacted instinctively and wrestled him back down to the ground, straddling his stomach and looking into his wide, apologetic eyes. His hammer lay scattered just out of reach as we were caught in the midst of a chaotic battle. Despite the chaos around us, time seemed to stand still for a moment as I held him pinned on the ground.
"S-Sorry, Tony," he stammered, ceasing his struggles beneath my grip. "We're still friends, right?"
"Of course," I whispered.
Just then, Cartman's voice cut through the din of battle like a knife. "Damnit Butters! You lost to the fucking Douchebag?!" he bellowed, his words dripping with contempt. The anger simmered within me, bolstering my resolve. No, I couldn't afford to hesitate. Not when everything was at stake.
With Butters disarmed and subdued, I turned my attention back to the fray. Cartman, realizing the betrayal, roared in rage and as he called for a full retreat. It was too late, though; Wendy's girls were relentless, cutting through the human and elf forces with ease. During this, Kyle had somehow made his way towards where the Human king was commanding.
"Cartman, we have to team up against them! Use the Stick!" Kyle yelled, desperation etched across his face.
"I will never team up with a Jew! And you are the ones with the stick!" Cartman spat back.
As I watched the boys' futile attempts to regain control of the situation, I couldn't help but feel a hollow sort of satisfaction. This was our victory, the girls' moment of triumph. But somehow, the satisfaction refused to come.
"Damn it all," I muttered under my breath, my gaze drifting back towards the defeated Butters.
I needed to end this farce. So I rushed towards where Cartman was, eager to put the self proclaimed Wizard King in his place.
As I fought my way towards him, a few well placed firecrackers landing on some unsuspecting backs, the sun began to dip towards the horizon, casting long shadows over South Park Elementary. The battlefield grew eerily quiet, as I broke through the last bit of resistance. I now stood in the center of a protective circle formed by Wendy's girls, my fists clenched with determination. Across from me, Cartman and Kyle looked equally defiant, their faces streaked with dirt, sweat, and blood.
"Cartman," Kyle urged through gritted teeth, "If you aren't going to use the stick we have to put our differences aside and work together against Douchebag."
"Are you deaf?" Cartman snarled, his eyes narrowing. "I said I'll never side with a fucking Jew! And Douchebag, you're no better than him for turning traitor!"
Kyle shot me a sly grin, taunting, "You gonna take that, Douchebag?"
I felt anger bubble up inside me, but instead of lashing out, I spat on the ground between them, letting them know exactly where I stood.
"Fine," Cartman hissed. "You want a fight? You've got one."
As we faced off, each of us poised for battle, the air around us seemed to thicken with tension. The ginger hall monitors, seeing their last chance slipping away, attempted one final push to stop the fighting. But they were no match for Wendy and the army of girls, who quickly pushed them back.
"Nice try," Wendy called out smugly, easily taking down the same ginger hallway boss I'd fought just days prior. The other girls followed her lead, their victory all but assured.
My heart pounded in my chest as I squared off against Cartman and Kyle. I knew this was it: the decisive moment when everything would come to a head.
Gritting my teeth, I charged at Kyle and Cartman, fists clenched and ready to strike. The girls formed an impenetrable ring around us, ensuring that this fight would be between the three of us alone. My heart hammered in my chest as adrenaline coursed through my veins.
I clenched my teeth, throwing a punch that connected with Kyle's jaw. He staggered back, his eyes flashing with anger.
"Douchebag!" he spat, lunging towards me with a wild swing.
I dodged deftly, only for Cartman's chubby hand to grab at my arm. Twisting away from his grip, I barely managed to escape. The three of us circled each other warily, each waiting for an opening to strike.
"Give it up already," Cartman panted out, sweat dripping down his face. In a fit of rage, he pulled out a burrito from God knows where and shoved the entire thing into his mouth. A moment later continuing his threat, voice muffled by the food, "It's useless to resist."
I just raised a brow at his attempt at intimidation.
"Seriously?" Kyle snorted, "You're pathetic."
"Enough!" Cartman bellowed, burrito bits flying out of his mouth, his cheeks still somewhat stuffed, "This ends now!"
As much as I despised him, part of me agreed with Cartman. This battle had gone on long enough. It was time to end it, one way or another.
With a final surge of determination, I focused on the task at hand, letting go of my fears and doubts. The three of us clashed once more, fists flying and insults hurling. But no matter how hard we fought, it seemed like none of us could gain the upper hand.
Once more we broke away from each other, I landed a solid kick to Kyle pushing him to one end of the circle, while Cartman fell to the other end. I took a moment to get my breath as Cartman and Kyle slowly stood back up. Then Cartman did something wasn't expecting…
I watched Cartman pull down his pants, revealing his white ass in my direction, a malicious grin spread across his pudgy face. Meanwhile, Kyle pulled out a leaf blower filled with thorns and sharp pieces of wood like it was a weapon of mass destruction.
"Ready for this?" Cartman taunted, lighting a match and holding it dangerously close to his exposed rear.
"Bring it on, fatass," Kyle retorted, revving the leaf blower to life.
As the flaming fart erupted from Cartman's behind, the world seemed to slow down. I felt my stomach churn at the putrid smell, and instinctively closed my eyes against the impending storm of thorns.
"Ugh," I gagged, feeling the stinging cuts appearing on my arms as the wooden projectiles tore through my skin.
"Gotcha!" Kyle shouted triumphantly.
Anger I've never felt before in this life flooded my mind. After a moment, the burning fart and the leaf blower both died off leaving me with nothing but a cool anger boiling. With a primal scream, I lunged out of the smoke and fart cloud, remembering last night, I swung my gushing wounds towards both Kyle and Cartman. My blood blinded the two. Not giving them even a moment to complain, I aimed swift kicks at their groins, knocking them to the ground.
"Damn you, Douchebag!" Cartman wheezed, clutching his injured crotch.
"Y-you're a monster," Kyle stammered, his face a mixture of pain and disbelief.
'Maybe I am.' I admitted in my mind, an eerie calm settling over me as I continued to kick them without mercy. 'But you two are dicks.'
"Please... stop..." Cartman begged, tears streaming down his cheeks.
I relented, taking a step back. The lingering stench of Cartman's flaming fart filled my nostrils, almost causing me to gag. All around, most of the kids had stopped fighting staring in our direction, the silence was deafening.
"Victory is ours!" Wendy's triumphant cry pierced the quiet air. The girls erupted into cheers, their voices a cacophony of jubilation. They celebrated, but I felt hollow.
"Alright, Douchebag," Cartman wheezed, clutching his bruised and battered body. "You...you win." Kyle nodded in agreement, his face a mix of pain and resignation.
"Hey!" Wendy approached us, "We beat you boys. Now where is the Stick of Truth?"
"I don't have it! Cartman hid it!" Kyle insisted.
"You're lying, Kiehl! You're just trying to cover your own tracks, you lying Jew!" Cartman retorted, his face red with anger.
Wendy stepped between them, her eyes narrowing. "Enough! Kyle, where do you think it is?"
Kyle hesitated, then spoke up. "I heard from my spy that Cartman hid it in his desk." The news caught my attention, and I could see the gears turning in Wendy's head as well. "Shut up, Kiehl!" Cartman shot back, "You have a human spy? Bullshit!" Cartman sneered at Kyle, his voice dripping with disdain. "You're just a lying Jew!"
I could see the frustration building in Wendy's eyes, her patience wearing thin. She motioned for Bebe and Red to pick up the two bickering boys, and we all marched towards the classroom. The halls were empty, all the ginger guards unconscious outside, or having routed away.
We entered into what will one day soon be my classroom. I took the time to scan it, taking in the rows of empty desks and chairs. Wendy, accompanied by the downtrodden kings, marched ahead into the familiar room.
"Where is the Stick?" Wendy asked, her voice strained with frustration.
"Should be right here," Kyle muttered, pointing to an unassuming wooden desk in the center.
As we neared the desk, it quickly became apparent that there was no storage space within it, no secret compartment or hidden drawer where the precious Stick could be stashed.
We were all confused. Cartman being the only one smug. "I told you Kiehl was a dirty liar!"
"Maybe it's underneath," I suggested, my voice barely audible through the pain in my throat. Wendy nodded, bending down to inspect the underside of the desk. After a moment, she straightened up, holding a crumpled note in her hand.
"Check locker 37," she read, her eyes narrowing. Without a word, we knew what needed to be done. Leaving the disgraced kings behind, the two started up another argument between each other, Wendy and I made our way to the school's locker-lined hallway, our steps echoing softly against the cold linoleum floor.
"Here it is," I whispered as we reached locker 37. With one swift motion, Wendy pulled at the lock, the latch already broken. Inside a small video camera with a phone screen stared back at us. Wendy took the lead once more and pressed call.
Clyde's face appeared on the screen
"Hello, Douchebag!" Clyde's voice dripped with malice. "I bet you're wondering where the Stick of Truth is, huh?" He started laughing, "Well, I have it, and I've built a fortress in my backyard while you all were busy fighting each other."
The screen shifted to reveal Clyde's makeshift fortress, an unholy amalgamation of cardboard boxes and duct tape.
"Cartman banished me," Clyde seethed, his fury palpable even through the tiny screen. "But now, with the Stick of Truth, I am formally declaring that his authority and Kyle's are now mine! I am now ruler of the town!" After a few seconds of staged maniacal laughter, he held up a vial of green goo, "With this "Hulk Juice" my mad scientists have created, I will rule the kingdom with an iron fist! Watch as I turn this cat into a ferocious beast!" He tried to feed it to a nearby cat. However the feline's instincts took over and it bolted, leaving Clyde to curse under his breath before turning back to the camera.
"Prepare yourselves," he warned, a sadistic grin spreading across his face. "I am coming for you."
The screen went dark and silence enveloped us. I looked at Wendy, her face a mask of grim determination.
"Let's go," she said. I nodded beside her as we marched back towards the classroom.
Back in the classroom, we were all gathered around, trying to process what had just transpired. Clyde had taken the Stick of Truth and declared himself the enemy of everyone. It was a betrayal that none of us saw coming.
"Can you believe it?" Kyle exclaimed. "Clyde, of all people!"
"Unbelievable," Stan muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Alright, enough!" Cartman yelled, slamming his fist on a desk. "We can't let Clyde get away with this! We need to go to his base, beat the shit out of him, and take the stick back!"
In my head, I couldn't help but agree with Cartman's simplistic plan. Everyone here was angry and frustrated due to fighting each other for nothing. Butters looked worried, as he always did, but even he nodded in agreement with the plan.
"Cartman's right," Wendy said, though she looked a bit more angry when Cartman grinned brightly and pointed at her, "HAH!" Wendy continued talking over his laughter, "Let's get that stick back and show Clyde he can't mess with us."
"Fine," Kyle grumbled, clearly not thrilled about agreeing with Cartman. "But we do this together – no more fighting amongst ourselves. Agreed?"
"Agreed," everyone echoed, forming a united front against our common enemy.
"Then let's go kick some ass," Cartman growled, as we all made our way towards the door.
As I marched beside Cartman, the sinking sun cast long shadows across the sidewalk. The collective army leaders, united at last, strode purposefully towards Clyde's house, each of us angry for one reason or another.
"Remember, guys," Cartman said, his voice a low growl as we approached the front door. "We're here for the Stick of Truth, not to settle personal scores, except mine."
I grunted, my agreement. I knew that reclaiming the stick was all that mattered.
Cartman banged on Clyde's door with the force of a thousand hammers, causing me to wince at the jarring sound. When Mr. Donovan opened the door, looking both perplexed and annoyed, Cartman didn't waste a second before bellowing, "MAY WE SPEAK TO CLYDE PLEASE?!"
"Uh, sure," Mr. Donovan replied, visibly taken aback by the intensity in Cartman's voice. "He's in the backyard."
"Thank you, kind sir," Cartman said with exaggerated politeness, and we all filed through the house towards the yard.
Clyde stood there, smirking like the snake he was, surrounded by his so-called army of darkness – who I recognized as the vamp kids and… Craig, another betrayal. They all hissed at us, their faces twisted into grotesque parodies of human emotion.
It would've been comical if it weren't for the fact that they held the power of the Stick of Truth in their hands.
"Give it up, Clyde!" Wendy shouted, her voice filled with righteous anger. "You can't possibly think you'll win against all of us!"
But Clyde just laughed, his eyes gleaming with malice. "You're too late," he taunted, and my stomach dropped at the implication.
"Too late for what?" Kyle demanded.
"Isn't it obvious?" Clyde replied, his grin widening. "I've already won."
As if on cue, Butters' parents appeared in the doorway, their expressions stern and disapproving. "Butters, it's time to come home for bed," his mother said, her tone brooking no argument.
My heart sank as I watched the other kids exchange nervous glances, the fear of getting in trouble suddenly outweighing their determination to reclaim the stick. One by one, they began to slink away, their heads hung low in defeat.
I could only watch in horror as the united leaders disappeared, Clyde's mocking laughter echoing in the night, only stopping to tell his dad he would be down for bed soon…
AN2: This whole story is pretty much a joke. This chapter was REALLY rushed, cause I wanted to close up this section of the story by my Bday!
Let me know if you spot any errors!