Even with sunglasses, it was pretty clear that Mitsuru was shooting with his eyes closed. They weren't opaque enough to hide that sort of detail, and the angle Kyon was filming from didn't help either. But Haruhi didn't seem to notice while checking the footage, and Kyon was in no hurry to point it out to her.
Maybe it was because she was distracted. Kyon could only guess as to what went on in her head, but he wondered if she was actually considering the questions the audience might have when presented with this scene. Where did the sunglasses come from? What's their purpose?
And there it was again. The lightbulb above her head that had been filling him with dread for six months now.
"Listen up, Mitsuru!" Haruhi said. "Do you understand why it is you wear those sunglasses?"
Mitsuru looked blankly at her, feeling fairly worn out after having to do another take of him showering Yuki in bullets.
"It's not because it looks cool!" Haruhi said. "That offers no practical advantage, especially against someone like Yuki! No, you're wearing them because they make you even stronger!"
Mitsuru made a truly commendable effort to follow Haruhi's logic, but it only left him even more frazzled. "...how?"
For just a split second, Haruhi looked like she hadn't thought far enough to answer that. "Well most of the time, it's like you're in a world made of cardboard. You have to take care not to damage anything. But with the sunglasses, you don't see things as clearly, and that can lead to you miscalculating when you try to pull your punches. Putting on the sunglasses is your way of throwing caution to the wind, and once you do, you unmistakably become the strongest man on Earth!"
Kyon tried to imagine a much more professional movie using logic like that. And surprisingly enough, he could easily picture it. Just as easily as he could picture himself refusing to watch another second of it.
Hearing Haruhi's explanation made Mitsuru feel… different. If he'd told someone that, he imagined they'd interpret it as him feeling encouraged by what she'd said, but that wouldn't have been at all accurate. If anything, it was more like unease. Maybe the 'world of cardboard' comment had something to do with it? The guns in his hands did feel a lot more flimsy all of a sudden, almost as if holding them just a little tighter would make them shatter into pieces, and those pieces would fly everywhere, and they might even be sharp and fast enough to…
Before he could imagine another moment of that scenario, Mitsuru very deliberately dropped the guns, doing some considerable damage to them in the process. Fortunately, Haruhi didn't seem to mind.
"Now you get it!" She said. "You said it yourself, who needs a gun when you can solve the problem with your fists? Now show Yuki what you're really made of!"
By this point, Mitsuru was at least familiar enough with Haruhi's directing style to understand she probably wanted him to rush over to Yuki. He was sure she'd be disappointed when all he could manage was gradual shambling, but he was wrong. Itsuki, Kyon and even Haruhi, who had dismissed her brief experience with Closed Space as a dream, were immediately reminded of the gait of a Celestial. It was almost too awe-inspiring.
As if to confirm Mitsuru could only be this good an actor by accident, the way he tripped and brought Yuki down with him looked just as monstrous, and Kyon was especially concerned when even she seemed to struggle under this behemoth.
"E-easy Mitsuru," Haruhi said. "That's looking more like something the bad guy would do…"
"I'm sorry!" Mitsuru shrieked, and Kyon wasn't looking forward to silencing that in post.
Yuki seemed eager to address Haruhi's complaint as she suddenly turned the tables. In a movement too fast for any camera, Mitsuru was now the one below her, but that didn't make him appear any less dangerous. Any time he tried to push Yuki away, her resulting motions were uncomfortably reminiscent of a doll being played with too roughly. In fact the closest thing to resistance she seemed to be attempting was swiping at his sunglasses.
If her intent was to remove them, it didn't seem like a very efficient way of doing so. But she was managing to bend different parts of them out of shape, and once they weren't attached too firmly to Mitsuru's face, she picked them up and threw them aside. With her mission accomplished, she got up and moved to one side, but Mitsuru appeared to be down for the count.
With the disaster finally over, Haruhi put her duties as director aside and ran straight to the greatest cause for concern: The sunglasses.
And she did not like what she saw.
"Those were 500 yen sunglasses, asshole!" She covered her mouth upon realizing what she'd said, looking almost as shocked as the others. "...sorry. It just kind of slipped out? But Yuki! Mitsuru's supposed to be the strongest man on Earth with those on! You shouldn't be able to overpower him like that."
"Why not?" Kyon said. "She's not a man, and she's not of this Earth… I mean, her character isn't."
Haruhi frowned. "...I guess? Loopholes like that aren't super original, but maybe I could make it work. I'll have to think it over while I go buy a new pair." With that, she headed back to the shopping district, leaving the rest of the Brigade behind again. Except this time, they had something to talk about.
"What was that?" Kyon said. "I'm pretty sure Asahina tripped, but everything after that… Nagato?"
Yuki turned her attention towards him and straightened her posture with an unsettling sound comparable to bones breaking… or mending? "I had to remove the glasses," she said.
A small part of Kyon suddenly missed Haruhi's convoluted explanations for inconsequential plot points. "...why?"
"Too strong."
As vague as that was, Kyon noted with some surprise that it still wasn't enough to make him lose his patience with her. Maybe he was just getting better at keeping his cool?
"I see now."
Of course not. Itsuki acting like Yuki had made anything clear was as infuriating as ever.
"Wh-what do you mean?" Mitsuru said, finally returning to his feet and approaching them.
"I shouldn't have to remind you," Itsuki said, "that Haruhi Suzumiya's whims can shape the world around her. Normally, her common sense is enough to keep this phenomenon from getting too out of control."
"That's something worth reminding people about," Kyon muttered.
Itsuki didn't acknowledge this comment. "...but as soon as she tries her hand at writing a story, the 'reality' she's influencing can get mixed up. There are a number of anecdotes about an actor getting too absorbed in a role and forgetting their real self. It's not unthinkable that something similar could happen to the director, especially when the characters share so much in common with the actors playing them."
"Enough beating around the bush," Kyon said. "What does that have to do with what happened?"
Itsuki sighed in disappointment, either with Kyon's ability to follow along or his own ability to explain it.
"...when Miss Suzumiya decided a pair of sunglasses made Asahina the strongest man on Earth… that became reality."