Chapter 6 Fake Black Death

Roy did a double take. He stared at Larry, who by this point looked like he had the whole world wrapped around his little finger. That look really threw Roy for a loop. He wanted to feel hopeful because of it, as the idea of not having to go on the kidnapping mission was VERY appealing. But… well, how in the world could Larry pull that off? Especially seeing how he was talking about defying Bowser of all people?

"Uhh…" Roy scratched the back of his head, his emotions starting to dip into the category of negativity. "Dude… I don't think you can really decide that. If you go to Bowser saying that you don't want to go on the kidnapping mission, then he'll have your head." He paused. "And basically every other part of your body. He'll take your body, stuff it like people do to animals they hunt, and put you on display in his bedroom."

Larry snorted. "I know that; I'm not stupid." He adjusted his position on the bed. "But I don't care about that! In fact, I'm more than comfortable with taking that risk!"

"Really?" Roy asked with a blink. "Cause I really don't like the idea of you being stuffed…

"Roy, listen." Larry gestured for Roy to step closer. Uncertainty claiming him, he stepped forward. Larry looked him directly in the eye, appearing as though he wouldn't turn away for anyone or anything in the world. "Do you really think I want to go on another kidnapping mission?" His face fell, his nose wrinkling up. "Bowser always makes me patrol World 1! Always!"

Roy snorted. "He doesn't always do that. Remember that time you got World 7?"

"That was YEARS ago! And Bowser thinks I did such a piss poor job at giving Mario a challenge! He thinks I put no effort into the fight!"

"Well… you did put no effort into the fight."

Larry shook his head and waved his hand. "That's irrelevant! The point is I almost always get World 1, which means I'm always first on the chopping block! I get beaten up by Mario quicker than anyone else! And it hurts, Roy! It REALLY fucking hurts!"

Roy sighed. "Yeah. Getting beaten by Mario does hurt; I won't deny it." He paused. "Okay, I can see why you wouldn't want to experience that again. But Bowser really wants us to do this mission. And I don't think anything we do or say is going to make him change his mind."

"That's not necessarily true." Larry's eyes glittered. He reached into his hammerspace, pulling out a thermometer. "Bowser may be a big doofus, but even he wouldn't let his kids put themselves onto the battlefield if they are sick!" He reached for the lamp on his bedside table, turned it on, and placed the thermometer directly onto the lightbulb. All the while, he tried to contain his giggles. "If I pretend to be sick, I'll be able to play hooky for as long as I want!"

Roy looked at the thermometer, specifically seeing how the temperature rose. He would admit that this was a decent plan… if it wasn't for one very important detail that Larry currently wasn't aware of.

"Uh, buddy, I don't think this is going to work." Larry raised an eyebrow, all without taking the thermometer off the lightbulb. "Bowser said at the breakfast table that, unless we're sick with the plague, he is expecting all of us to fight against Mario."

Larry remained still for a few seconds. "He did, did he?" He removed the thermometer and placed it on the nightstand. "And he was serious about that?"

"As far as I'm aware."

"Ah." Larry sighed and lowered his head. "Fuck."

"Yeah," Roy said as he let out a breath. The two brothers were still and silent for a little bit before Roy took a step closer to the door. "Well… we should probably get going. Bowser would be mad if we don't…"

"Maybe we should get sick with the plague!"

Roy's eyes grew wide. "What? Are you crazy? The plague is dangerous! It wiped out a good chunk of the real-world continent Europe in the 1300s! More than fifty percent of the people died from it; it was a complete disaster"

A silence filled the room as Larry looked at Roy with incredulity. "Wait. You have trouble remembering what three times three is, and yet you remember the exact time period and location of the black plague, as well as the percentage of people it took out?"

Roy waved his hand. "My brain works in mysterious ways." He took a step forward. "The point is, the black plague is one of the most dangerous diseases of all time, in pretty much ANY universe. We can't get sick with it! That'd pretty much be a death sentence!"

"True." The confident grin from before returned to Larry's face. "Which is why we're not actually going to get it. We're just going to fake it."

"Fake it?" This time, Roy snorted. "How can you fake the black plague?"

Larry, still smiling like a crook, got off the bed. "Follow me."

…

The place that Larry decided to take Roy was Kamek's study, which… honestly confused him. When the two of them stood outside the door, Roy tried his best to think about what could possibly be happening here. What was Larry's plan? How could Kamek of all people help the two of them with faking the black plague? Sure, Kamek wasn't as dedicated to the kidnapping missions as Bowser, but even he wouldn't go out of his way to help Roy and Larry get out of it.

"Uh, Larry, if the plan is what I think it is, then I can think of a few dozen holes in it right off the top of my head."

Larry just laughed. "Well, clearly you haven't evolved enough to get mind-reading capabilities." Larry stepped toward the door and opened it. Roy seriously expected Kamek to be on the other side, prepared to give the two of them a long, angry lecture. Thankfully, he wasn't, which seemed to boost Larry's confidence. "Well, come on, Big Guy! The black plague isn't gonna fake itself!"

Swallowing a lump, Roy made his way into the study after his brother. He looked around the windowless room, at the shelves full of dusty books lying around the perimeter as well as the pedestal in the center that had a device called a memory sphere resting in the center. There was something so eerie about the room. Even if Roy hadn't been sneaking around, he would still feel as though he shouldn't be here. He felt like an outsider, an alien. He felt as though some forces were acting up in this room, forces he didn't understand and could never hope to.

"Uh…" Roy swallowed a lump. "Larry, I'm starting to think this is a bad idea."

"Roy, just chillax! Everything will be fine!" Larry searched around the room with a serious look on his face. He must've looked for about four minutes, with each second ticking by increasing Roy's anxieties. Eventually, Larry had finally found what he was looking for: one of Kamek's magic wands and his spellbook.

"Alright, now that's what I'm talking about!" Larry exclaimed as he gripped the wand in one hand and the spellbook in the other. Roy kept his eyes on the wand, at the purple gemstone that glowed even in the darkness of the study. Roy's stomach churned when he saw it. He only grew more nervous when he saw Larry's face rise at one specific page of the spellbook. "Okay!" He looked over at Roy, a wicked gleam in his eyes and his smile right on the border of being called a smirk. "You ready for this, Roy?"

"No, I'm really not. In fact, I think we should…"

"Bubonic falsa!"

Larry pointed the wand right at Roy, and when he did, when he did, lumps the size of grapefruits appeared all over his body. Is body in general also seemed to change color; not drastically, but there was a slight grayish tint to his skin. Roy gawked at these sights. He looked up at Larry, who looked pleased with his handiwork.

"You… you… did you infect me?!" Roy started hyperventilating. "Oh my God, you infected me with Black Death! I'm gonna die!" He put his hand to his chest as his heart pounded in his ears. "I know I always said that you were gonna be the death of me, but I never thought you actually would be!" He started shaking. "Oh, I need to make a will! I don't have many possessions, but I want to make sure they don't get in your hands, so…"

"Oh, settle down, you Anxious Annie! You're not gonna die!" Larry stepped forward. "I didn't give you the bubonic plague. All I did was make it look like you have the bubonic plague!" He gestured toward Roy. "Those lumps will go away in an hour."

It took a few seconds for that statement to sink in, but when it did, Roy could say he had never felt so relieved in his life. "Oh, thank God!" He tilted his head up to the ceiling. "Thank you so much, God! Your mercy and goodness know no bounds!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Larry giggled. "Okay, now it's my turn." He handed the wand to Roy. "Look at me and say Bubonic falsa so I can get in on this Fake Black Death action."

Roy giggled. "Sure thing!" He cleared his throat and held out the wand. "Bubonic Falsa!"

Like with Roy before him, Larry was covered in massive lumps, and his skin looked ashen gray. Roy smiled when he saw this, and Larry looked ecstatic beyond words as he examined himself.

"Sweet! We look disgusting; this is great!" Larry chuckled. "We are so gonna fool Bowser!"

"Yeah! Or at least, that's the hope."

"LARRY?" Roy heard Bowser's voice call out. "LARRY, ROY, WHERE ARE YOU?"

Roy gave Larry a sly grin. "So. You ready to put this to the test?"

"You know it!" Larry grabbed Roy's hand, and together they made their way out of the room. All the while, Larry giggled in a way that kind of made Roy think of Lemmy. "Just be careful. Don't oversell this; we want this whole thing to be believable."

Roy nodded.

…

Much to Roy's delight, Bowser looked downright horrified when he laid eyes on his "infected" sons. His jaw dropped, and there was a certain type of fear in his eyes. He looked like all his worst fears were coming true right in front of him, which admittedly made Roy feel a little guilty. He supposed he should've realized that coming up to your Father looking like you had contracted a serious disease like the bubonic plague could have horrendous consequences.

"You… you…" Bowser looked ready to faint. "How can you have the plague? I didn't even know that koopas could get the plague!"

"We didn't either." Larry faked a sneeze. "It might have jumped species, and you know how disastrous it can be when diseases jump species."

Bowser bit his lip and nodded. "Well… while I'm out with your siblings, I'll contact the doctor so that they can come give you a checkup." Roy tried to hide his smile, tried to hide his appreciation of the words he never thought he'd actually hear. "Meanwhile, you two get some rest. Okay?"

"Sure thing, Bowser." Larry faked another sneeze (or it could've been a real one, Roy couldn't exactly tell). "And don't worry. We won't let something as silly as the bubonic plague take us out. We've survived being dunked in lava AND having a castle fall on top of us like that one time. The bubonic plague doesn't stand a chance against us!"

Bowser smiled, but only a little bit. "That is true." He sniffled, wiping a tear from his eyes. "Well… I'll see you guys later."

"Bye, Bowser!" Larry called out. He and Roy waved at their adopted father. Once he was out of sight, Larry let out a triumphant laugh and looked up at Roy. "I can't believe it! We did it!"

Roy nodded. "Yeah." His happiness grew more and more. "We did it!"