— ⋆ ❖ ː ❛ Beast never minded not being human.
Especially as a child. He could always outrun his playmates—the servant boys of the castle—and he could climb trees better than any of them.
Of course, the servants who tended to him never quite knew what to do with his form. It was always a hassle to get him dressed, so most of the time he ran around shirtless when he played outside.
As he got older, being a beast started to take more of a toll on him. Not that he loathed his body or capabilities—quite the contrary. But he was often lonely. His servant boy playmates developed a disdain for him for whatever reason. And of course, no outsiders could ever know about him, so he spent most of his time with the older staff who attended him and sometimes his mother. He hardly ever saw his father, who detested his form and was ashamed of what he had created.
Beast began venturing out into the forest more often, and found a sort of presence there that kept him company. He also took up painting and music, and read more. Reading especially made him feel not so alone.
From childhood, he was often reminded that he was betrothed and would one day marry Miss Greta Newell. And subsequently, he would turn human. He should look forward to it, they said. His life would finally begin, they said.
He did not think much of it as a child, since it seemed so far away and he did not understand the dire consequences of turning human yet. Nor did he understand the consequences of marrying a dull, nosey, close-minded woman who would run from the altar as soon as she saw him. But upon reading a few romances as a young adult, something changed in him. The betrothal now seemed closer, daunting, civilization encroaching upon his forested sanctuary. His childhood that had at once seemed endless was now running dry, and he needed to make a decision.
It was determined that Beast in his loneliness needed a confidante. And so—one of the final decrees he made before deserting his family, title, and estate—the late Lord Ashworth, Beast's father, took in the son of a local gentleman. Judas Morgan Chesterton, whose parents had passed away and who at the time was too young to run an estate by himself.
Chesterton was debriefed on his new companion's predicament—which, although he had his suspicions, he could not really turn down the offer he was made just because he was afraid of an awkward young man who happened to be some sort of animal-human hybrid. Life at the castle—being treated practically the same as his strange new companion, and with far less expectations held over his head—was too tempting.
Chesterton, frightened at first, soon adjusted to Beast's form. They talked of what their futures might look like. How Beast desired a loving wife, someone he could choose on his own. Chesterton scoffed at the adolescent notions of the nightmarish monster he had been tasked with advising. Why marry at all? He suggested. For then he could remain a beast and not have to bother with the silly follies of women.
Beast considered the proposition for a while, before ultimately declaring to his parents that he would not marry. His father was disappointed in a quiet way, not even making eye contact with his son before retreating to another room. His mother was livid.
It was not long after that his father began spending less and less time at the castle, each departure longer than the last. And then one night, never returned.
In the spirit of saving face, Lady Ashworth declared her husband dead to the public. But Beast knew the truth. His father, although he was a lord and lived more than comfortably, could not face his son. He would rather spend his days as a beggar than the father of a monster.
Beast had little time to resent his father and wallow in hate and hurt before taking on the daunting title of Lord Ashworth. Soon, he was too preoccupied with running the estate and tending to the affairs of the surrounding areas to wonder whether he would find a suitable companion in life, or if his father might return someday.
In fact, for the past decade or more, he was too preoccupied.
The betrothal to Miss Greta Newell crept up on him like a predator creeping up on a harmless animal in the woods. And his mother's death hit him like a bullet.
Everything had been choking him lately. His mother's death, Miss Newell's rejection, the growing realization that he might become human against his will.
And then there was Rose.
Rose with her little rabbit heart, and strange affinity for names, and intoxicating scent of an elven forest. Her hair was so fiery, and her lips so red, that it was odd for her to be so delicate. The epitome of a rose, he thought.
They had known each other for such a short amount of time, and yet he felt that she had always been there, walking around his castle, delighting in his gardens, admiring his music and art.
But he felt there was something more to her, some mystery yet to be unraveled. How did she actually feel about him? Why was she so seemingly nice to him? He found the ways she saw the world around her to be fascinating—if only she would view those observations in kind. To her, they were far too insignificant or inappropriate to matter to anyone in the topic of conversation, least of all not to him. Who was she then, when not shrinking in shame at the smallest opinion or impression?
Perhaps that is why he insisted she stay. Perhaps he thought he could change her. Mold her personality into something as bold as her signature color.
What?
Did he want to change her? Was it wrong of him to think such a thing? He had always wanted a forthright woman, hadn't he? Then why did Rose have such a hold over him? Did she have a hold over him? Perhaps "change" was too strong a word…
But perhaps Rose was in a chokehold as well. The engagement, moving into the castle, being away from her family.
It's why he had allowed them to come visit her for a few days. So that she could revive her spirit, come out of her shell, remember who she was—all so that she might be more attractive and interesting to him.
Is that where he had gone wrong? In hoping she would somehow overnight display a newfound confidence if only her family visited, had he jinxed himself?
In truth, his theory worked. From behind the curtains of the gathering room, hiding in one of the castle's secret passages, he observed as Rose's nerves melted away and she transformed into a beautifully effervescent creature at the approval of her sisters.
Her beauty astounded him, she shone so bright, that he almost at first did not comprehend the detriment she had caused.
He had his answer now. What she truly thought of him. A grotesque creature whom she would never marry.
Perhaps he might have let it go, brushed it off, as he usually did.
Except that she continued to insult him, to make quips for her sisters to laugh at, openly admitting to taking advantage of the paradise he had offered her—he had shared with her.
Not only that, but she discussed his form with what he could only assume were two of the worst gossips in town.
His mane spiked up and there was a bubble in his throat. He knew he had to get out of there as quickly as possible.
Beast had never quite felt a sensation like it before in his life. It almost felt like the intense fear and panic the night his mother had fallen ill, but far worse. He could not control his shaking, just like that night. But it was more than just anxiety.
Anger. Seething rage that exploded through him. He shook violently, keeping his eyes closed and trying to calm himself, but to no avail. His breaths came out in barely-controlled spurts. No matter how hard he tried to keep it in, this sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach would not fade away.
He was so angry he could vomit, he could cry even. Each time he closed his eyes, her laughter burned in his brain. Her mockery stung him in his side.
To think, someone he trusted and shared his time and art and home and money with—even for such a short time—would… betray him. And it was a true betrayal this time. Not merely a misunderstanding between the two of them. She had broken the one stipulation he gave regarding her family's money.
And then he realized what it was he felt. It wasn't just anger at her betrayal, and it wasn't just the fear of his whole existence being leaked to the public by these gossipping girls.
It was hurt. Hurt that he had finally opened up and trusted someone just for her to blow it at a moment of weakness.
The cold inner sanctums of the castle were no comfort for him. Spider webs hung around him, and a draft blew in, rustling his spiked fur. He tried to calm his breathing in the dank musty space. He wanted to go back to his room, but could not move if he tried.
The walls closed in around him. He clenched onto his heart.
He needed release. Would he go to the forest? Run away like he had all those times before? Like his father?
His eyes narrowed suddenly, a small fire growing within them.
No.
He picked himself up from the wall, marching straight toward one of the secret passageway's exits. The one nearest her bedroom.
And then there it was, her scent, wafting through to him. It only fueled his anger, like alcohol to a blazing fire. He marched forward, breaking through the cobwebs, before landing at the exit. He pushed hard against the door disguised as a wall; it flipped around and he slipped out. His blood boiled within him, each step he took down the marble hallways faster than the last.
And then, there she was, around the corner. His heart stopped for a moment, skipping a beat at the intensity of her beautiful hair. His stomach sank. Was now the right time to do this?
Yes, yes it was.
He flipped his veil over his head and stalked up behind her.
"So, this is how you have chosen to repay me," he growled.
Her body stiffened. She was completely still, like his prey right before he attacked. But any attempts to hide and shrivel away this time would be futile.
"Come, let's discuss this further, in private. I will decide you and your family's fate from there, Miss Bourne ."
He spun around, whirling his cape in the process.
After a few seconds, he could hear the pitter-patter of her dainty little feet struggling to keep up with his pace. He could smell the perspiration trickling down her neck. The sound of her rabbit heart pounding against her chest rang in his ears.
Her scent was absolutely intoxicating when she was so afraid, and he found himself falling once again into her haze, but he immediately shook it off, focusing on the task at hand.
Beast led her into a gathering room and shut the door.
"Please, have a seat, Miss Bourne. I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable," he said, his words seething through his fangs. He motioned for her to sit on the chair across from him.
She stared at the floor, and did as told. Her entire face was flushed, completely gaunt, sickeningly white. As the seconds ticked by, Beast's sneer only grew. Just by watching her, it began to dawn on him that such a meek and miserable young woman was not the love he wanted. And on that note, he truly did not want a romance at all, despite letting himself believe so for the past few weeks. Only her scent still grasped him, but he fought the urge to whiff it in like cigar smoke.
"Do you know why I've called you in here?" he asked.
It seemed an eternity before she shakingly replied, "N-no… Your Lordship."
"Don't lie," he spat. "Let us both agree to not lie to one another, is that understood?"
"Of course, Your Lordship." She dug her nails into her forearm. Tears welled up into her eyes.
"Good." He crossed his legs and leaned back into his chair. "Now then, do you remember the one stipulation I had for your family to receive my money, Miss Bourne?"
"Y-yes."
"Recite it."
She sucked in a huff of air, removed her fingers from her arm and clutched the hem of her dress. "Never discuss your true form." Her voice quivered with fear. He loved it, feeding off of it.
"Did you have a wonderful time with your family today, hmm?" He leered. "Tell me, what did you talk about? I should like to hear all about it."
She remained silent.
"Oh come now, Miss Bourne, only moments ago even your sisters couldn't silence you."
She looked up at him for the first time, her eyes wide. "How did you–?"
"Don't you know I have eyes and ears all over the castle, Miss Bourne? Did you really think you could break your stipulation without me finding out about it?"
"But I didn't, I swear!"
"Lies!" He banged his fist on the table next to him, a crashing thud echoing throughout the room.
Rose's face scrunched up, her eyes suddenly red and puffy. She became almost ugly.
"I want the truth. Did you or did you not discuss my true form with those two girlish gossiping maggots you call kin?!"
"I swear, I did not tell them you were a beast!"
"But you called me grotesque, did you not? 'All the rumors are true,' yes? So ugly and deformed in fact, you would never want to be married to such a creature!"
"But I did not say you were a beast!" she cried, tears streaming down her splotched cheeks.
Beast slowed his interrogation. It was true, she did not explicitly state what he was to his sisters. Should he continue to push her?
"Perhaps I should have set clearer boundaries. I did not want you to discuss my form at all with any outsiders! I thought that was understood."
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" she wailed.
"Everytime someone in the town gossips about my form, even just to say I have abnormal hair growth, it finds its way back to me!" He stood up at once, flinging his chair back. Pacing maliciously around the room, he sneered, "I lose benefactors. Villagers interrogate the staff each time they venture into town. I am sent exhaustive letters from important gentlemen with whom I have struck business deals asking me to show myself in front of them. I cannot under any circumstances have people barging into the castle to try and find 'The Beast'. There are too many issues I need to take care of." He waved his hands in front of Rose and she sank back into her chair. "The servants who need their jobs, the townspeople who require money and infrastructure, the damned forest I tend to and the animals I watch over so that we can have a sustainable amount of meat in the castle." After the eruption, his voice went into a low growl. "And as much as I would like to, I cannot disappear if someone finds out who I truly am. The castle and town would go to waste. Do you have any idea of what you have possibly sabotaged!"
Her face fell into her hands. Her body was wracked with heaving sobs. "I– I only wanted my sisters to be happy with me."
"Your sisters are the most ignorant and selfish women I have ever had the displeasure of hosting. They do not care about you, and you are obviously too immature to see that. They used you."
Rose began to tremble.
He lowered his face down to hers. "So, now that the truth is out, where shall we go from here?" Beast shot up suddenly, whipping around. "I expect the money I have given to your family to be paid back in full within the next six months. Perhaps that will teach you and your sisters a lesson."
She started to plead, her eyes red with fear. "Perhaps I can speak with them! Tell them—tell them not to reveal the truth to anyone. Or else the money will be taken away. There. They have an incentive now."
He stroked his beard, thinking. "I am a kind and generous soul who would agree to such a proposition." He turned back around. "However, I do not think your sisters are the trustworthy sort."
Rose faltered, stopping mid-breath. She covered her face with her hands again.
"What can be done?" she whimpered. "Is there anything that can be done besides giving the money back?"
"So that is what this is about." He rolled his eyes. Behind that irritatingly feeble façade of hers, she only wanted one thing. "I suppose you could earn it all back yourself."
She perked.
"Marry into money. Earn it that way."
She shook her head. "No, I couldn't possibly!"
"Why not? Are there not hundreds of men laying themselves down at your feet?" he jeered. "Or does the prospect of marrying a rich, filthy man only to pay back your family's debt not sound like a good proposition to you? I'm afraid you're running out of options, dear. Unless you just want to be married to a horrid husband like me." He laughed, shaking the room with his booming voice. "Although I can assure you, Miss Bourne, I would be much more devastated than you if I were to marry a villainous snake such as yourself."
Rose shook as she stared into the void. He had never seen her so expressionless before.
"I'll work."
Beast's smirk faded, becoming a sneer. "What?"
"You–you heard me," she spoke, trepidation lining her voice. "I'll work to pay you back."
He knitted his thick brows together in frustration. "And what job could you possibly get that would pay enough to get the money back in time? Not to mention, one that wouldn't mar your pretty hands, nor jeopardize your family's social standing."
She pondered for a moment. He thought he saw the tiniest flickering flame in her eyes before she looked up at him once more.
"I'll work as your secretary."
◜❦︎◞
author's note
Phew! That was a rough ride, right?
I really hope y'all don't hate Ashworth after all that XD I have so much in store for him and Rose. After all, this is a slowburn.
What are we thinking about Rose becoming his secretary?
Thank you so much if you're still reading, I really appreciate all of you. If you want to stay in contact with me, find me on Tumblr where I post updates about my life and how my novels are going. I'm raph-fangirl. Feel free to message me or send me asks on there too. I also have ways to support me on Tumblr. Just go to the first masterpost I have pinned.
Here's a summary of my life since I last updated this story over a year ago!
For starters, I dropped out of college last year for mental health reasons. Lots of traumatic things happened to me in college and I just couldn't cope with it all. I was also super lonely and didn't have any friends. I've been home healing and going to therapy ever since.
I also don't have a consistent job and have just been doing odd jobs trying to pay my insurance, bills, debt, other expenses. So it's just been really rough and I haven't really had downtime to write much.
Plus, about a month ago I had this chapter almost finished, but my mawmaw had heart surgery and my mom had hip surgery. It was extremely traumatic for me and I've been caring for them.
I've wanted to update for the longest time, but just couldn't find the motivation or sanity or time this past year. But I'm doing much better now after a year of therapy and being home.
So yeah... I've had some really traumatic things happen to me I don't really wanna mention here. I just don't feel that they're appropriate here but I hope that y'all will understand and stick with me anyway. I have so many ideas for this story. For one, it's now turned into a trilogy! I already have the second and third books outlined and planned. I also have two spin-offs focusing on side characters completely outlined as well. Just bear with me, and I promise I won't disappoint!
I love y'all! Thank you for all the amazing commenters and readers I've had stick with me through these trying times.