WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN TO THE TWENTIETH EDITION OF MY KICK-ASS STORY! THIS IS BASED OFF OF THE HIT MOBILE GAME THE BATTLE CATS, KNOWN SIMPLY AS: THE BATTLE CATS: X. I HOPE YOU ENJOY!
In the great, powerful country of Egypt, The Battle Act is preparing themselves for this powerful bunch of enemies, as well as the new friends Bob will meet up with! They are all exercising outside in the backyard to prepare themselves for this powerful battle. Bob, Cat, Tank Cat, and Gross Cat are performing bench presses. While Axe Cat, Cow Cat, Bird Cat and Fish Cat all support them in that respective order.
Fish Cat: If I'm honest, THAT RUM TASTED SO GOOD! I want more of it.
Gross Cat: Be grateful you aren't lifting these weights, because you'll throw up all over them! he struggles to lift the home-made dumbbell
Tank Cat: Who knew rocks on a stick could be so heavy!? he pushes the dumbbell upwards
Bird Cat: If I were to lift them, my feathers would fall of the second I even try! I would highly recommend that you should be grateful for the chance to strengthen your paws.
Cow Cat: I want to lift these weights, but I can't, because of these dumb HOOVES! he grumbles as he continues to support Cat
Cat: Yeah, like this is fun? I'm breaking a sweat out here! And it's winter. Those two don't align. he barely manages to lift his weight up And I don't want to be all sweaty in front of the enemies.
Bird Cat: Well, some countries in the northern hemisphere still have hot winters! Only leaving room for their toxic summers.
Axe Cat: Hey Bob, do you mind if I add Matilda to your dumbbell? I want to see you try and lift her up.
Bob: Well, fine I guess, put it on my dumbbell and watch the magic happen. he cackles as he continues to lift up his weight
Axe Cat: Yeah! he grins as he places his axe on top of Bob's dumbbell Try it out now!
Bob: Yeah...Bob lifts his weight, the axe falls off Oh shit, my bad. Guess it doesn't work after all! he grins slyly as he continues lifting
Axe Cat: HEY! CAREFUL, WILL YOU? he growls as he picks up his axe Matilda is sensitive! I hope you realize that.
The Cats and Bob all continue to work out and prepare themselves. Meanwhile in the Enemy Base, there is a lot of commotion going on inside the building. Everyone is preparing to take down The Battle Act and The Special Forces. Baa Baa speaks up.
Baa Baa: The enemies are coming. he looks out the window to see them in the backyard
Doge: Huh? No they're not! They're just in the backyard doing whatever the hell it is that they're doing!
Hippoe: Ah, typical Baa Baa, what will we do without you? they smirk as they continue preparing themselves
Snache: Say, are we even going to attack these enemies or what's the big deal? he slithers towards everyone
Gory: We are just preparing to take them out when they least expect it! We don't want to cause any tension or illegal commotion, now do we? he crunches on a piece of toast I mean we made the fish drunk yesterday, he's probably way weaker now!
That Guy A: But we're meeting up with the Lizard guy! What was his name again? he stares out blankly
Pigge: This fucking idiot, HIS NAME IS LIZARD CAT! He is the main threat we have to come across, so it is better if we don't waste our time Dilly Dallying, and that we get a move on already!
Doge: I'm surprised to say this, but Pigge has a point! I just want to get this done with. Even if we lose!
That Guy C: But our army is way bigger than it ever once was! We should definitely win.
That Guy B: We have a plan, one that will defy the odds of the battlefield in its entirety. Everyone sneak behind the cats and just go into the base right now!
Baa Baa: That might work. he turns back emotionlessly and looks at Those Guys The Cats and Bob are distracted. We're not.
Snache: Ah, Baa Baa is using his soulless mouth of his to agree with Those Guys? That is actually insane. he smirks as he applies some water color paint on his scales
Gory: Well, let's get a move on! We don't want to delay ourselves now, do we? he smirks as he huddles in with all of the others The additional arrivals are always late! So we have a good shot at taking down these filthy Cats now! And we will keep the Hieroglyph treasures safe in our clutch.
Doge: Are we actually going into the CAT BASE!? This is a big milestone. Let's not waste this moment in vain, and with noise, we have to go in quietly, like Jackie Peng would.
Pigge: Ugh, don't remind me about that idiot! I'm glad he isn't joining us against these Cats now. she huffs before making her way out I'll be outside to wait if you need me.
Baa Baa: I made chicken casserole- gets interrupted by every other enemy
All the enemies par Baa Baa simultaneously: NOT NOW, BAA BAA!
Hippoe: they sigh Look, I'll just take it! Not only am I hungry and never ate this morning, but because no one else would.
Gory: I w- gets interrupted by Hippoe
Hippoe: I SAID NO ONE WOULD HAVE WANTED THE CHICKEN CASSEROLE! they give a sharp glare at Gory before eating it and joining Pigge
Snache: Yeah, I'm just going to go. Come on guys! he grabs Doge and Those Guys around his tail
Baa Baa: I'm coming too. he walks out behind them and joins in on the waiting
Gory: Why do I have to suffer on a daily basis!? I just wanted that casserole. he grabs a bottle of Rum, chugs it, and makes his way outside
Doge: I'm so excited! It's also a good way to see Cat again after not fighting him in ages, I can't wait.
Snache: Why the hell do you keep blabbering about Cat? he stares at Doge in confusion And plus, it was literally yesterday when you didn't see him.
Doge: Enemy loyalty, I have my reasons, you wouldn't understand. he smirks before pushing Snache away
Those Guys simultaneously: LET'S GO AFTER THE BATTLE ACT NOW!
The enemies all charge right into The Cat Base without any of The Battle Act paying attention to them. When That Guy A was about to pick the automatic doors open, everyone is suddenly stopped by a Cat, unrecognizable by Bob, but well known by the enemies. They speak up in a quiet manner.
?????? ???: they pick up That Guy A I'm sorry, is this yours? they grin slyly as they throw him into the enemies I'd recommend backing away, as I'm about to rat you all out to the others. This is why you don't sneak up on us when we're not fighting! they go into the Cat Base and lock the automatic doors once again
The mysterious figure approaches The Battle Act working out, and they yell out and grab their attention. Everyone is looking at them to see what they have to say. They all know who it is except Bob.
?????? ???: GUYS, GUYS! The enemies made their way to The Cat Base! We must get the hell out of here and fight them already! they waves their leg paws like crazy
All of the CATS simultaneously: LIZARD CAT!? WHAT DID YOU SAY JUST HAPPENED AGAIN?
Appearance wise, Lizard Cat is a white cartoonish Cat with lizard features. He has your average Cat face with Cat ears. But he has a lizard's body, he has a lizard's tail, and he has two stubby lizard legs. He also has two spikes on his chin to represent a cartoonish, simplified version of the dewlap of a lizard. Size wise, he is quite small, about the same size as Cat, Axe Cat, or Bird Cat.
Lizard Cat: Yeah, as I was saying- he interrupts himself as he looks at Bob Who in the Fiery Pits of Hell is this guy? he approaches him with caution
Bob: he looks up at Lizard Cat Huh? Oh shit, you came a LOT earlier than I thought you would. Bem impressionante. (Quite impressive)
Lizard Cat: he slowly walks to Bob and climbs on top of him, to his surprise Yeah, consider me, the punctual one. I never miss a deadline the second I receive it, I plan out how to meet it. Delaying is for chumps, which is why The Special Forces all received a letter explaining why I am here. And why they're lazy and delay themselves.
Axe Cat: So, you're telling me you actually managed to insult Ninja Cat!? he looks at Lizard Cat happily
Tank Cat: So, you're telling me you actually managed to insult Sumo Cat!? he looks at Lizard Cat, he looks upset
Fish Cat: Did you insult Zombie Cat by any chance? he seems surprised, but he's rather neutral on the subject of Zombie Cat being insulted
Lizard Cat: Yes, yes, and yes. I insulted all of them. And Samurai Cat too! he grins slyly
Axe Cat: YES! he hugs Lizard Cat
Tank Cat: Aw, how could you? his ears flop as he lays there, bench pressing
Fish Cat: GOD DAMN! You actually insulted Fish Cat? Impressive shit! He called me an "Annoying Shrimp" once, so that makes it some kick-ass payback! I hope he got humbled so hard.
Lizard Cat: Yeah, I am quite the talent, aren't I? he grins as he walks on Bob and stares him down I suppose it's only fair that I introduce myself. he wraps his tail around Bob's neck without strangling it My name is Lizard Cat. I am the back liner of The Battle Act. You may be wondering why. It's because I have extremely long range, longer than Gross Cat over here. I deal a LOT of damage with my attacks, I breathe out small pink embers! (small blasts of fire) But I'm afraid it's only single target, so I can't exactly attack everyone off. I consider myself to be the best negotiator around, and I tend to be sly to get my way sometimes, heh. I believe you are nice, so let's shake hands on it! he reaches out his tail and shakes Bob's hand Now, answer my question, who the hell are you? he smirks as he grabs onto Bob tightly
Bob: Why nice to meet you, Lizard Cat. My n- gets interrupted by the enemies outside
Gory: CLIMB THE FENCE! IT'S THE ONLY WAY IN!
Bob: It's probably better if I tell you later. I believe it also saves the effort for when I do it with The Special Forces' unknown Cat! For now, let's kick some non-feline ass! he flicks his toothpick as he attempts to shake off Lizard Cat, but he stays on How are you staying on me? I'm completely vertical.
Lizard Cat: I have insanely good grip by the way, my paws have pretty sharp talons on them. he grins, staying on Bob
Cat: Let's go out there and get rid of these enemies before they can get rid of us! And Lizard Cat, you can trust Bob, he's really cool and a badass. he smirks as he makes his way outside, followed by everyone else
Cow Cat: One second, I want to get a better look at this enemy base here first. I believe you all want to see this. As it has the god damn treasure we need in there.
Bob: Heh. Sim, sem dúvida! (Yeah, without doubt!) he cracks his knuckles before flicking his toothpick If only I understood Arabic...
They all take a moment to look at the enemy base right in front of them. It is a stereotypical Egyptian base based off of the giant pyramids found in the country. Re-created from wood, we have a pyramid laying on top of a pillar behind re-created Egyptian Khafre with a cat body. Which is ironic because Ancient Egypt was all about worshipping Cats, yet the enemies want to battle them! Pretty funny if you think about it for a while.
Tank Cat: Ah, so this must be the Enemy Base! It looks even cooler in person. he giggles as he inspects the base even further
Cat: DOGE! he rushes towards Doge and pounces him in a tight hug, to the other enemies' confusion
Doge: Ah Cat! I haven't seen you in what felt like forever. How are you keeping? Heh, okay, your grip is pretty tight! he squirms around trying not to suffocate I get it, we miss each other!
Baa Baa: Did the fight start yet? he looks blankly at everyone else
Hippoe: Nope, it didn't. I'm just going to wait for "Whatever the Hell this is" to end! Just like everyone else. they finish off the chicken casserole
Cat: he eventually lets go of Doge Things are going decent, but now that you're back, things are even better, asshole! he grins as he makes his way back to the Cats
Doge: Same with me, Dumbass! I was just chilling when I wasn't fighting yesterday. But eventually, after a while it got boring, you know?
Snache: What are you talking about? There is actually a lot of shit you can do to entertain yourself. You are actually such an idiot.
Doge: IT'S NOT MY FAULT I ACTUALLY BOND WITH MY ENEMIES, AND END UP MISSING THEM! he grumbles
Bob: Yeah, I'm just going to interlude here. Everyone, nice to see you all again! I'm sure we will have a kick-ass battle. We will bring our all into this battle. So prepare to have your fucking shit handed to you.
Doge, Snache, Hippoe and Pigge simultaneously: Nice to see you too, Bob! they all prepare themselves to battle
Pigge: Now, are we actually going to fight these idiots or what?
Lizard Cat: Hey Fish Cat, can you lift me up onto your back for a second? he looks up at Fish Cat and shakes him
Fish Cat: Yeah sure! I can do that for you! he grins as he places him on top WE ARE GOING TO BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU GUYS!
That Guy B: Finally, I was waiting for this moment my whole life. Time to kick someone in the groin!
After everyone except Those Guys A and C stare at him in absolute horror, yes, even Baa Baa, The Battle Begins! Lizard Cat rides Fish Cat like a horse towards Baa Baa and they both attack him. Lizard Cat actually manages to fire an ember into Baa Baa's face. Causing it to burn out and blister. Fish Cat doubles down by biting into his legs. He bleeds out like crazy from the impact.
Fish Cat: YEAH! Take that you filthy little vermin, I am going to show you what hell looks like!
Baa Baa: Please don't. I don't want to see what hell looks like. How about a joke? he grabs a piece of paper Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. This is the moment where you laugh.
Lizard Cat: Okay, not bad for a sheep with no emotions whatsoever. he smirks as he jumps onto him How about I tell you a joke instead, hmm?
Baa Baa: Yes. I want to hear your joke. he looks up at Lizard Cat, who's on top of him
Lizard Cat: You got it! So a sheep and a lizard both walk into a bar, and the lizard says "Can I order a roasted lamb?". And what does the sheep say in response?
Baa Baa: I want chicken casserole.
Lizard Cat: he impersonates Baa Baa This is the moment where you laugh.
Baa Baa: This is not funny. he looks away and focuses on Fish Cat
Lizard Cat: he grabs Baa Baa's face Oh, you're no fun! he pouts playfully before hopping off Fish Cat, finish him off!
Fish Cat: YOU GOT IT! I'll finish him off to the point where he's unable to separate prime and composite numbers. he pounces onto Baa Baa
Baa Baa: Ow. he grabs his head in pain
Fish Cat bites deeply into Baa Baa, making him go unconscious in seconds. Fish Cat pokes him with his foot to guarantee that he actually went down unconsciously. Meanwhile, with Lizard Cat, he approaches Gory alongside Bob. And the two of them begin helping each other take down Gory.
Gory: Ah, Lizard Cat, you ready to have your ass handed to you? he grins as he grabs onto Bob's fists and pushes him down, causing his back to bruise up
Lizard Cat: Hello Gory, I believe it is us who will be destroying your ass so hard, don't you think? he swirls his lizard tail around Gory
Bob: Hey Lizard Cat, attack from behind, I'll protect you! he grins as he flicks his toothpick and stands himself up
Lizard Cat: You got it, Human! he jumps behind Bob and prepares to attack Gory from afar
Bob: Pronto quando estiveres! (Ready when you are!) he jumps up in the air, making room for Lizard Cat's attack
Lizard Cat fires out an ember right into Gory's face. Causing it to burn out. He grabs his face and quickly puts out the fire. He stares at them in anger. Lizard Cat just giggles away at what he managed to do to Gory. He fires another ember, but unfortunately, he missed.
Gory: Agh! My face... WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME!? he rubs his blisters all over his face before pouncing on Lizard Cat
Lizard Cat: AHH! I was only messing with you. Let go of me. Otherwise I'll shoot you with another blast! And it will actually hit you. This is your last warning.
Gory: I don't give a shit! You burned my face, you will pay the consequences for your actions. It is only fair, that is how battles work. he punches Lizard Cat in the face, causing it to bleed out You weren't even supposed to be fighting us. Yet you showed up early...
Lizard Cat: GAH! he coughs some blood before glaring at Gory Oh, you son of a bitch, I'll get you for that. he slyly rubs his tail around Gory's waist, and prepares a finishing move
Bob: YOU LET GO OF THE LIZARD RIGHT NOW! he sends a punch right into Gory's face; causing his jaw to bleed out, Lizard Cat glares at him
Lizard Cat: I had him right where I wanted him, and here you are ruining every chance I get to guarantee his defeat!
Bob: I only ruined a single chance. he grins before flicking his toothpick And besides, you can still attack him. He's vulnerable at the moment! Hurry up!
Lizard Cat: Oh, thanks Human! he breathes an ember right into Gory's face once more
Gory: RAH! he attempts to bash his fist right into Lizard Cat, but is stopped by Bob
Bob: Heh, not so fast. I'll beat you up now. Obrigado! (Thank you!) he grabs Gory and flings him onto the floor, breaking his back and making him bleed
Lizard Cat: Wow! That was amazing. I know we don't have the time for your introduction, but can you at least tell me your name real quick? he climbs on top of Bob
Bob: Call me Bob. It's what everybody knows me by. he wriggles his brass knuckles before running towards another battle
Lizard Cat: Allow me to finish off Gory! I don't give a shit about his "pride" here! I can handle this shit fairly well unlike everyone else.
Gory: Oh god damn it! he sighs in defeat, knowing he'll either be killed or go unconscious
Lizard Cat fires a shot of ember right into Gory's face, making him burn up and go unconscious. Somewhere else. Bird Cat and Gross Cat are fighting off Hippoe. Hippoe bites down onto Gross Cat's legs, causing them to crumple and bleed out. But Gross Cat manages to get back up and fight them back. He slaps Hippoe across the face, causing them to bruise up on the cheek, and bleed from the nose.
Gross Cat: Yeah! Don't you ever consider messing with me. For I am a comedic genius around here. And no, I am not saying that as a self-confidence boost. I am making sure you know who you are fucking with! Although, some positivity would be appreciated.
Bird Cat: Indeed, we do not tolerate you biting us like that! Allow me to absolutely obliterate you in every way possible. As it is obligatory for me to make advances onto the enemies in order to acquire the victorious feeling of obtaining the Hieroglyph treasures and enjoying a good book as a reward.
Hippoe: they cough some blood as they weakly stand up Are you sure I needed to know that, Bird Cat? Do I seriously need to understand when you are going to go the restroom after a long day of fighting me? they cackle heartedly I highly doubt it. they charge right into Bird Cat in order to wipe the floor clean with them, but Gross Cat interludes with the scene
Gross Cat: Nope, this is a job which requires me to finish! So I can obtain all the credit and earn some self-confidence in my life! he laughs playfully But now, I have to finish you off one way or another, Hippoe, and it is not going to be a smooth sailing experience.
Hippoe: Oh shut up you fucking idiot! they grumble I am going to kill you whether you like it or not! they bash Gross Cat, causing them to go flying, and bleed out from his forehead and go unconscious
Bird Cat: GROSS CAT! Why you little- Bird Cat tries to calm himself down become acting impulsively No, I am better than this. I am going to figure out that there's a decent enough strategy in order to clutch a successful win against the third party. Now let me think...
Hippoe: You're saying all this out loud, you know? they grin as they approach Bird Cat
Bird Cat: Affirmative! I require all of my thoughts to be said out loud because I have no room in my brain, it is completely full of knowledge and experience you see, hoot! he flies up in the air before going behind Hippoe I hope you had enough time to think of a counter to this move!
Hippoe: they're genuinely concerned Huh? What do you mean by that!? Are you saying y- gets interrupted by Bird Cat
Bird Cat: Time's up, act now! Because I'm doing the attack just as we...SPEAK!
As Bird Cat said "SPEAK", he pounces right into Hippoe's rear. Causing them to go flying right into the air, and land with a thud onto the ground. Since they landed head-first, their head really bleeds out as the top of the skin is peeling from the impact. Hippoe is also bruised up at the back of their hind legs. Bird Cat looks at Hippoe with a rather cocky smile. They're obviously unconscious after that event.
Bird Cat: Mission accomplished, Bird Cat. You showed off these enemies who the most knowledgeable soldier is. Now, time to tend to Gross Cat and read a good book. I single handedly took down Hippoe, I believe I deserve a reward for that. he flaps his wings in excitement as he approaches Gross Cat
Axe Cat is dealing with Snache. The two of them are clashing into each other with a lot of sheer force. They are pushing each other around the battlefield in hopes that one of them goes down. They are both quite injured after the events of the combat. Their heads are bleeding, Axe Cat's eye is blacked out, and Snache's tail is all crumpled. They both are fucked up.
Axe Cat: Heh, you sure know how to mess Matilda up! he checks on his axe before continuing to fight
Snache: Hah, you really believe so? Well, let me tell you this, Axe Cat. I do not fuck with your beliefs that your axe is sentient.
Axe Cat: I never said my axe was sentient, I just named her because of how much I LOVE HER!
Snache: Ooh, when's the wedding on!? he smirks slyly, to Axe Cat's annoyance
Axe Cat: Hey, do you know what? I don't have the time for this bullshit! I am just going to slice your face off instead, how about that?
Snache: Huh? YOU don't have the time for this bullshit? Give me a break, will you? he rubs his left temple with his tail I'll finish you off because I don't have anything better to do.
Axe Cat: You could sign my axe! he flings out his axe pointing it at him
Snache: I actually have a pen right here! I could actually sign it for you.
Snache walks over to Axe Cat and takes out his pen. He makes it to Axe Cat and signs the head of his axe with his name in a signature form. He feels genuinely flattered that someone wants him to sign something, and he can't help but smile ear to ear over it.
Snache: From your favorite enemy to face in the world, Snache T. S. he rubs the axe before slithering back
Axe Cat: Wow, you actually signed my axe! I did not think you'd actually do it... he stares in disbelief as he lets out a small chuckle Now I don't want to finish you off anymore!
Snache: Heh, I get that. I've been practicing, hoping I'd gain a cult following and actually needing to use it! But hey, if you like my signature, that's good enough for me! Thanks a lot. You're actually, not an idiot when you ask stuff from me.
Axe Cat: No bother, just making Matilda look as pretty as possible for her da-da! he kisses his axe
Snache: And we're back to idiot. he sighs before slithering towards Those Guys
Those Guys are fighting against Cat. The three of them all climb on top of Cat and start slapping him. He responds by biting off one of them and sending him to the floor and bleed from his head. The other two jump off and check on him.
That Guy A: Ow...my head! he rubs his head in pain as he cowers
That Guy B: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO OUR BEST FRIEND!? they both check up on him to make sure he isn't too hurt
Cat: he's tending his own injuries Well, you should have thought about that before climbing up on me and slapping on my ears. he grumbles as they flop down and rest on his head Now I can't get them upright anymore! Thanks a lot...
That Guy C: That doesn't justify what you did though. And now we're all going to get you for t- gets interrupted as someone bumps into him...it was Samurai Cat
Cat: SAMURAI CAT!? he stares in disbelief as he watches him look around lost What are you doing here? And where are the others from The Special Forces? he helps him lift his helmet back up
Samurai Cat: Oh, yeah! Hey Cat. he drops his Sashimono, he picks it up I was here because I was trying to find the Cats in a Box!
Cat: Oh, so that's why the Log Book said there was three Cats considered as one! It's those three little guys...
Samurai Cat: he's unaware of Cat's Log Book Huh? Never mind, uhh, where are the others when I need them the most!?
Cat: They're probably somewhere. Who knows? he nudges Samurai Cat, causing him to drop his Sashimono and for it to fall and land on his head OW!
Samurai Cat: Oh shit, I'm sorry! Now let's find the Cats in a Box before they go wild!
Those Guys simultaneously: Cats in a Box!? YIPPEE! KITTY, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!
Samurai Cat: THERE'S THREE OF THEM, NOT FOUR! he grumbles as his helmet falls on his face again
Cat: I don't think that's what they meant when they were yell- he interrupts himself Actually, never mind.
Elsewhere, Cow Cat is facing against Pigge. But eventually, he is joined by Ninja Cat and Zombie Cat to help take her down. They both come out and pounce on Pigge. Ninja Cat uses her sword to slice through Pigge's abdomen, causing it to bleed out. And Zombie Cat bites her nose, causing it to crumple and swell. Pigge goes down onto the floor.
Pigge: Oh for fuck sake! It's The Special Forces and their sodding Anti-Red Cats! she grumbles as she stands herself up
Zombie Cat: Well, actually, we have a lot more anti-Red Cats in our army than you think! That being, well, two. But it is still not just us.
Ninja Cat: Yeah, we just came here with Samurai Cat and the Cats in a Box to beat the shit out of you! she chuckles before drawing her sword And I came to see Lame-o, and his pathetic misogynistic attitude!
Zombie Cat: And I came to see what Fish Cat had to say after I insulted him. As he looked quite surprised and offended after I insulted him. But that all goes in the day of being a student in a Film Academy!
Cow Cat: Oh hey guys! You came to help me out. God damn, I appreciate the help.
Ninja Cat: Not a bother, Cow Cat, your skills and speed are highly admirable. she playfully whacks his face with her sword Henry confirmed it!
Pigge: I'm still here, you know? she chuckles as she charges into Cow Cat and slams her torso into him, causing him to bleed out
Cow Cat: Agh! Why you little bastard! he growls before head butting her right into the Enemy Base
Suddenly, out of no where, Fish Cat and Axe Cat both charge into Pigge. Axe Cat slices Pigge's back with his axe, causing her to bruise up and bleed out. And Fish Cat bites into Pigge's stomach, causing it to spew out blood, she lays there unconscious. The Cat Base collapses and all of the treasure comes flying out. All of the Red Busters have nuked Pigge. Cow Cat just stands there in awe.
Axe Cat: Oh, Ninja Cat, I did not see you there! Were you impressed by the shit I managed to do? Or were you too busy complaining? he grins as he nudges Ninja Cat
Ninja Cat: Oh please, all you did was finish what we started. she rolls her eyes as she glares at him
Axe Cat: Oh, and Snache signed my axe! Isn't that cool? Is that what you always wanted, a signature? WELL I GOT ONE, AND YOU DON'T! HAH! Ninja Cat just shoves him, but he continues jeering
Fish Cat: Hey Zombie Cat! Could an "Annoying Shrimp" do that? he points at Pigge
Zombie Cat: Yes, an Annoying Shrimp is annoying, not bad at fighting. I never said you were terrible at fighting! You actual buffoon!
Fish Cat: But I just did something epic, and you're being unappreciative!
Zombie: Will you please learn off the basic terminology at hand!?
The Four Red Busters get into a huge argument. Cow Cat is just standing there as he watches it all happen right in front of him without any interruptions or distractions.
Cow Cat: Yeah, I'm just going to go... he slowly backs away, before turning and running away
Meanwhile, Bob, Lizard Cat, and Sumo Cat all meet up. And they all begin to try and find Tank Cat and the Cats in a Box. They eventually find Tank Cat and Doge fighting over a mysterious cardboard box! They both seem battered and are bleeding out. But it doesn't take long for them to notice everyone.
Lizard Cat: Phew! Tank Cat! Me and Bob were looking everywhere for you! Anyways I'm glad to find you fighting against Doge, for a box?
Doge: Oh hey Lizard Cat! Are you still fire breathing like usual? he grins as he tries to tug on the box, he bites Tank Cat's paws
Lizard Cat: Hi Doge, yep, I'm still breathing fire like a badass! They should put me on the magazine covers someday. Because I look quite sexy when I breathe fire! Don't you think?
Tank Cat: Hey guys, can you help me get this box? It's really heavy and I'm trying to get it off Doge here! But the problem is that he just won't let go. he heaves as he continues to pull on the box
Bob: Nah, why the hell are they fighting over some fucking box? Is that where the treasure is or some shit? he cracks his knuckles as he investigates the scene further
Sumo Cat: he grabs Bob's shoulder No Bob, inside that Box is one of our members, well, three actually! They're basically our version of Those Guys. They're no other than- he stops himself as Doge yells out in victory as he grabs the box
Doge: A-HA! in a sing-song tone I have the box, I have the box! he looks at it before opening it up I wonder what the hell is inside of this thing? he opens it up to see what's inside
Suddenly, out of nowhere, three little Cats pop out of the box. They meow quietly before glancing outside and looking at Doge. Suddenly, they grab a spiked club, and bash his head in. Causing him to bleed out and go unconscious within seconds. The box reveals to have a hole for legs as it zooms across to Sumo Cat.
Cats in a Box simultaneously: MEW! Hello Sumo Cat!
Tank Cat: Aww, such cute kitties! Except when they took out that mace and started zooming around in the box.
Sumo Cat: he chuckles loudly Ah, I suppose you three should introduce yourselves to the Human over there!
Cat in a Box 1: Oh, hello big guy!
Cat in a Box 2: We're the Cats in a Box! We are the melee rushers of The Special Forces! We speed towards enemies at a quick pace. We also deliver area attack, meaning we can take down many enemies at the same time. We are quite powerful little guys from the speeds we run at! We were abandoned inside of this banana box, so not long ago, we joined The Battle Cats association and became members of The Special Forces! Because we want to fend for ourselves. That is enough about us though.
Cat in a Box 3: Nice to meet you! he puts out a little paw for a handshake
The Cats in a Box are pretty understandable by design. They are three small little cartoonish white kittens, they have the same features as Cat does, except they are mush smaller, and their mouths are simplified even further! Cat in a Box 3 is different as he has a gray spot on his back, and on his left eye. They also have a spiked club inside their box. Their box was a box used to supply bananas in bulk, it is an old Japanese supermarket branded with the bananas. Size wise, they are probably the size of Bob's fists! They're tiny little guys.
Bob: he can't help but smirk at how cute they are, he shakes their little paws with his index finger and thumb Nice to meet you guys. I believe now I should introduce myself to you, Lizard Cat. My name is Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy, but everyone calls me Bob, as it is much easier to say. I am 16 years old, but I'm not from here. I come from Lisbon where my mother sent me on a boat to a disciplinary camp in North Korea for my aggressive behavior. But the boat ended up going across the wrong currents, where I landed in rural South Korea, where I met up with The Battle Act. So now I will be fighting alongside you guys. Nice to meet you all again! he shakes Lizard Cat's paw, because he never did
Suddenly Snache looks at everyone unconscious on the floor. He sighs as he goes to pick them all up from their slumber, apart from Gross Cat for very obvious reasons. Cat, Bird Cat, Cow Cat, Samurai Cat and all of the Red Busters make their way to Bob and the other Cats. Cow Cat rushes into the Egyptian Base and grabs all three variants of the Hieroglyph treasure. He makes it back to the other Cats and Bob once he finishes.
Cow Cat: I already obtained the Hieroglyph treasures, no need to worry! he smirks as he rushes towards the Cat Base OH SHIT, GROSS CAT IS UNCONSCIOUS!
Lizard Cat: Hah! He has shorter range than me, so it only makes sense that he overestimated his range! he smirks slyly as he climbs on Bob and sits on his head So, are we heading back or what?
Cat: Oh, sorry! I was just fixing Samurai Cat's helmet! It keeps falling on his face. he giggles as he takes it completely off, and puts it on his head again
Ninja Cat: Eh, I'd say just leave it! He never knows his size! He always gets stuff that is way too big for him. And it makes no sense. she chuckles as she nudges Samurai Cat
Samurai Cat: Actually, it does, see, if I eat a lot of Cat Food, I would gain a lot of weight, therefore, I need clothes that are big enough to fit an obese version of me! It's simple really.
Sumo Cat: Maybe I should wear shorts that are too big for me as well! he grins as he stretches
Bob: Yeah, I could go for some larger clothes! Soon enough none of my shit will fit me. And I'm growing a bit every day! I'm pushing 5'10 in height and 160's in pounds! (he's currently 5'9 and 159lbs)
Cat: I say we should make it back to the Cat Base! It is getting pretty late, see you guys later!
Zombie Cat: Ah, of course, see you all later, members of The Battle Act! he waves his arms in the air before walking away, followed by the other members of The Special Forces except the Cats in a Box
Gross Cat: he barely manages to wake up Huh? What happened? Did I miss anything?
Bird Cat: Nope, not really, now go to sleep once we make it home, you need your rest!
All of The Battle Act begin to make their way inside after a long day of fighting. They all lock the doors after what happened in the morning. And are genuinely happy they are almost completely full as an army.
Snache: Oh yeah, I suppose we should be going too...he grumbles as he clutches his injuries See you all in hell. he grabs all of the enemies in a big bundle as he makes his way out Wait...where the hell are Those Guys!?
Those Guys simultaneously: they all are surrounding the Cats in a Box Kitty, Kitty, Kitty! they all seem to love kittens
Cat in a Box 1: Nya! Aren't we the cutest little babies you've ever seen? he purrs softly as he leans into That Guy A
That Guy A: YES, YOU'RE SUCH A CUTIE PATOOTIE! he gently pets him under the chin
Cats in a Box 2 and 3 simultaneously: Don't let him pet you, GRAB THE CLUB!
The Cats in a Box grab their spiked Club and bash all three of Those Guys in the head, they all go unconscious. They send them flying and they land on Snache's pile! What a coincidence. The Cats in a Box now find the others and rushes towards them as they make their way to The Special Forces' Cat Base.
Snache: Oh, never mind, there they are. he grins as he makes his way to their next location
Inside The Cat Base, everyone except Gross Cat are downstairs eating some Cat Food and chilling out after another exhausting battle. Lizard Cat is still on top of Bob for some apparent reason, but he seems comfortable, so Bob doesn't speak up about it. Instead, he asks the following;
Bob: Say Cat, where are we heading to next? I bet it's somewhere in Europe, because we practically cleared the entirety of Africa just there, didn't we? he grins as he chills against the wall
Cat: he giggles before opening his Log Book You bet! Okay, let me see... he flicks through until he finds the correct page Okay! We are heading to Turkey tomorrow! And we will be trying to obtain the Rug treasure variants! We will be facing EVERYONE, including Jackie Peng! But since we have Lizard Cat with us, it shouldn't really be a big issue. Okay, everyone, get ready for bed! We have a big journey ahead, we need our rest!
Bob: Damn, we are facing everyone, huh. Well, this shit is going to be fucking intense, that's for sure! he flicks his toothpick Okay, good night guys. Uh, Lizard Cat, you can get off me!
Lizard Cat: Just five more minutes? Please...? he looks down on him
Fish Cat: Don't listen to the Con Artist! he forcefully grabs Lizard Cat and brings him to his bedroom GOOD NIGHT EGYPT! everyone else mutters in annoyance and confusion
Now The Battle Act has reunited with another member of the squad! All they can do now is go to sleep and dream of the possibilities that tomorrow brings. As it will bring a lot of action into the mix! It is going to be a tough challenge, but ever since they have acquired Lizard Cat, things will be easy with his long range nukes! They are now sound asleep, nobody is stirring, not even a single Gross Cat after his terrible defeat. Oh wait, never mind, he's stirring alright. CAN SOMEONE HELP HIM!?
TO BE CONTINUED
It's official, I have officially been doing this fiction for 20 days! And I have officially hit 20 chapters. Today we saw the debut of Lizard Cat and Cats in a Box, as you unlock them after beating the Egyptian level! It was quite a fun episode to write, and I decided to spice things up by having Lizard Cat be a punctual character, always ready to kick some ass! I hope you liked my interpretation. I was still loyal to the official descriptions/source material.
Stay tuned for the next edition coming very soon!
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are all owned by Ponos Corporation.
The character Bob is owned by me, however, feel free to use him without profiting, just as long as you credit me as the owner.
This fiction is 100% unofficial and can be considered as Fan made.