The room was dark and cloaked in shadows, the scent of alcohol and stale smoke heavy in the air. The man sat alone at the worn-out table, a half-empty bottle of whiskey in front of him, his hands trembling as he reached for it with a shaky sigh. The memories of his time in the military, the echoes of battles long past, haunted him like ghosts in the night, driving him to seek solace in the numbness that alcohol and drugs provided.

His brother's words echoed in his mind, a constant reminder of the pain he caused his siblings with each drink, each pill swallowed in his desperation. He could see his sister's worry, see her helplessness. Fal knew the toll his addictions took on Mer and Theo, the worry etched deep into their expressions every time they looked at him, their eyes filled with a mix of love and fear. They wanted to help, had tried to help. But the darkness of the past… it consumed him. It was a relentless beast, a shadow he couldn't shake no matter how hard he tried.

As the liquid fire burned down his throat, Fal closed his eyes, the memories of war and loss flooding back with a force that left him gasping for air. The faces of fallen comrades, the echoes of gunfire and screams… so far away and distant, yet it felt as if he was there again… the weight of guilt and regret that burdened his soul—all of it crashed over him in a wave of emotion, threatening to drag him under.

"I'm sorry," Fal whispered into the empty room, his voice barely above a whisper, choked and hoarse as tears welled in his once bright eyes, mingling with the bitter taste of alcohol on his lips. "I'm sorry, Mer. I'm sorry, Theo. I'm trying, I swear I am..."

The silence that followed was suffocating, a heavy blanket of despair that enveloped Fal in its embrace. He knew he was hurting his siblings, pushing them away with each self-destructive choice he made, but what could he do? He had to do something, anything to keep the memories away…

He'd tried the normal way, but it didn't help.

This was all that worked.

He didn't want to be like this, but he didn't know what else to do.

A thin and bony hand tightened against the bottle of alcohol, as he began to feel even worse.

He felt so helpless, useless, worthless… he was no good to anyone like this!

How could he cope? How could he be expected to go back to a normal life, knowing so many others had that chance taken from them? It wasn't fair!

Why did he get to be the one who lived?

Benji… he had a wife, they were expecting… a child who wouldn't know their father, only the sacrifice he'd made so they could be safe and free.

Juan… he'd just graduated and was planning on opening his own food joint once he paid off his student loans. His parents now had that burden.

Shawnee… she'd just celebrated her first grandchild's birth…

He could see them all. He could smell the blood, taste the dust and napalm in the air. He could hear the rapid popping of gunfire, the screaming of the mortars, the roar of the planes…

By the time he realized it was just another memory, he was on the floor, curled into a ball, and crying.

The alcohol had long been thrown against a wall and smashed, amber liquid pooled onto the floor.

He didn't know how long he was like that. He would never know.

His bony fingers were threaded through his dirty blonde hair, gripping tightly as he tried to get enough air into his lungs.

So much death, so much noise, so much going on, nothing made sense, everything was too loud!

And suddenly it was quiet. But even the silence was deafening, the sound of his own heart pounding within his ears, his ragged breaths echoing.

This was a dream, it had to be. Just a dream, he'd wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up…

Wake up!

A tightness in his chest scared him more.

He was going to die!

No, no! He couldn't, he couldn't do that to them!

Help, he needed help.

But who could help him?

Who would?

"Somebody, anybody, please!" He'd cry out, his voice cracking.

He thought he heard a voice. He thought he felt someone touch him.

Oh no! They found him; he was going to die! The enemy had found him, cowering in fear and shame, and they were going to kill him!

"No, no, no…! He'd flail his arms and kick his feet, trying to escape, trying to run away."

He had to get away.

Get away.

"Get away!"

He didn't know what was going on around him.

All he knew was that he wanted it to stop!

The room was dimly lit.

The air was sterile and cold.

He could hear the beeping of a machine near him.

He could hear voices. Muffled and quiet.

Did they sound familiar?

Or were they…?

He'd wake with a gasp, sitting bolt upright and looking around, muscles tensed as though he were about to flee or fight.

His chest was heaving already, and a thin film of sweat was on his skin.

Where was he? What was this place?

Voices… who were the voices?

"It's okay… you're okay, you're safe."

A woman's voice…

Slowly the bloodshot eyes would focus, and the face of his sister would come into view.

Deep blue eyes looked at him, worried and scared.

"...Sissy?" The man would ask, unsure if she was really here or not.

"I'm here." The woman would say, one of her hands slowly reaching out to grasp his. Delicate, feminine fingers squeezing slightly. "I'm right here, Fal."

"Where…where am I?"

"The hospital." She would answer. "The doctors say you had a panic attack."

"..." He didn't answer, unsure what to say next.

"Fal…?"

No answer again. He could see how that worried her.

"How…did I get here?" He'd ask.

"Theo. He went to check on you, and found you. He called the ambulance."

Ambulance…

Was that the lights he saw? He couldn't remember…

Wait…

"He's pissed, isn't he?"

"No. He's worried about you. We both are." The woman would say. "We want to help you."

Before he had said he didn't need help. He was fine. It wasn't bad, it was nothing.

But now…

"I need help." He'd say, voice barely audible, though cracked as his shoulders slumped forward. "I can't… I can't keep doing it… it's not helping, nothing is anymore…"

"We'll help you." The little woman would say. "You know that, Fal, we're here for you."

He actually said he wanted help, this time… That was a step in the right direction.

"...not much scares me, but that was terrifying." A man would say as he stood outside in the designated smoking area outside the hospital. "Seeing him like that, screaming and crying and begging and it was just him… I've heard about it, but I've never seen it." He'd go on, taking a drag from his cigarette, smoke furling gently from his nares as he exhaled.

"He said he needs help." The woman would say, a hand reaching out and silently asking. "I didn't offer, he asked. That's something, right?"

"It's a start." He'd reply, looking at her with a raised brow before handing over the cigarette. "I just hope he sticks with it if he does decide to."

"I think it scared him." She'd say, taking the cigarette and taking a drag before handing it back. "I think he finally realizes he doesn't want to do it anymore."

"About fuckin' time." The man would grumble. "He acts like there's no help for him."

"Well, he did try seeing a therapist but… i guess that didn't work."

"Probably because he had to face that shit again and he couldn't handle it. Didn't want to handle it. It was easier to try and numb the pain than experience it."

"...yeah…I can see that." She'd agree. "So…what do we do?"

"If he really wants to do it, we can start looking for places and people that can help." He'd reply. "But he ain't gonna quit halfway through."

"Aren't you the one that said we can't force him?"

"We can't force him to start, but he does of his own free will, we ain't gonna give up on him and let him slide right back down again. He's gonna have to learn he can't just give up if it gets hard."

"Right, I gotcha." She'd agree with a nod. "I wonder, do you think he'd have gotten like this if Mom and Dad were still around?"

"Hard to say, but probably. He probably would be even worse if he knew it was bothering them. Addicts think weird, act weird, they rationalize differently."

"...I don't like the word addict…"

"Mer, what the fuck else would you call him?"

"I know, I know, I just… I dunno." She'd say.

"Hmph." The man would grunt.

"Ya know, Theo, I've always the fact you don't sugar coat anything, but…do you really have to be such an ass about it sometimes?"

"Somebody has to." Was his reply.

"Tch… and you self appointed yourself?"

"Say what you want, doesn't change the fact I'm right."

"I never… gah you're annoying today…"

"Thank you, I'm here all week." He'd reply, stamping out his cigarette as it finished.

The little woman would let out a scoff and a chuckle as she'd move a strand of white hair out of her face.

"So… we're gonna help him?"

"Of course we are. He asked for it. We'll be nice about it, mostly, but we may have to get a bit… uh…fuck, what's the word im looking for… not aggressive…"

"I get what you mean." Mer would reply. "So, should we go back in and see how he's feeling?"

"Yeah… we did tell the nurses no narcotics, right?"

"Narcotics are just for pain, I don't think they have any that help with anxiety."

"Still… c'mon let's go see about starting his healing process." he'd mumble.

Ugh…

"Don't get too excited now." She'd tease her brother as they started back into the building. Which was difficult for her with her much shorter stride. "Slow down, I've got little legs."

"Walk faster."

"Hey, just 'cuz you got freakishly tall doesn't mean you can pick on me for my lack of height!"

"Not my fault your height ended up on the sheets."

The woman would stop and stare at her eldest brother, mouth agape.

"That's mean!" She'd say, though, laughing all the while. "That's not nice!"

"Truth hurts, now keep up Half-Nut." Though he was smiling too as he stopped and turned back to look at her.

"Woooooooooow….. We're just so proud of ourselves, aren't we?"

"Want me to continue?"

"No!"

"Then don't make it easy for me."

"Now you listen to me, ya big palooka!" She'd say as she walked forwards.

"I'm listening…"

"Shut. Ya face."

"My, my, so intelligent."

"Oh, fuck off…"

"Damn, safe worded already, means I got you good." he'd reply walking again once she'd gotten ahead of him.

"Ugh…please don't say that. People are gonna think-"

"I don't give a fuck. Let people think they know something. We know better."

"Bah… must be nice to not care."

"Oh it is, trust me. I don't have half the stress you cause yourself worrying what other people think of you."

"Hey, I'm better now."

"Yeah, true. Still need some work though."

"Oh, hush…" She'd say as they reached the room Fal was in. "Knock, knock!" She announce quietly before opening the door.

"I'm naked!" The blonde would shout before laughing, clearly still fully clothed and in his bed. "Oh, it's just you, I thought it was the cute blonde nurse again."

"Wow you bounce back fast…" Theo would comment. "Already trying to hit on the nurses."

"I gotta get the jump on you, the brunette couldn't keep her eyes off you a bit ago."

"And how mad would you be if I said I already got her number?"

"Jesus fucking Christ…" Mer would say, putting a palm to her face.

"No fucking way! Damn, you work quick!"

"Can the two of you think with the heads God gave you instead of the ones between your legs for five seconds, please?" Mer would ask. "I've never met two hornier people…"

"Hey, things got a mind of its own." Theo would defend himself.

"Yeah, stand up every time it sees anything female." Fal would interject.

"God y'all are gross… anyways… Fal…"

"I know what you're gonna ask me, and… yes, I'm sure." He'd answer, joking demeanor turning serious. "I don't want to do this anymore. There's got to be something better."

"There is." Theo would say. "But, I'm gonna warn you now… you start down this path, there ain't deviatin' off of it. We're going to be on your ass the whole time, keeping you on the straight and narrow. You may not like us sometimes, but we're gonna help you."

"I know… I've been thinking about it since I woke up. I gave up too easily last time, with the shrink. And I know y'all weren't sure what to do with me and didn't want to make me worse. But… I got worse anyways, and I don't want to get to the worst."

"Good, we're all on the same page then." Theo would say. "That was easier than I thought it'd be."

Fal, despite chuckling slightly, looked a bit down.

"Guys… I'm sorry." He'd say. "I know I say it alot and I've said it before, but I am. I… don't know what else to say besides I'm sorry."

"At this point, you don't owe us an apology." Theo would say. "We can see your remorse. What you do owe us, from now on, is results. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but… fuck, I'm just glad you're still alive."

"Yeah…Mer said you're the one that found me…"

"Yeah, ain't heard from you in a week, wanted to make sure you was okay. Scared the living shit out of me…"

"You, scared? Pfft, yeah right!"

Ha! Theo was funny. He wasn't scared of anything! Never had been.

"Yeah, well… I was. Now… next question. How do you want to move forward? Do you want a rehab facility? Do you want to stay home and try the old fashioned way? This is your journey, how do you want to start?"

"I… I dunno. I don't think going home is a good idea… I'm not that strong." Fal would admit.

"Facility it is. I know people that help with vets, I can get in touch and send 'em your way."

"And I know a top-notch psychiatrist.." Mer would offer, smiling a bit.

Fal would just sit there, not saying anything just yet.

God, he had the best siblings in the world! They were trying to help him, and were being nice about it. Sure, Theo was blunt and told him how the cow was gonna eat the cabbage, but he cared. And Mer was always so helpful and kind…

"Ya know, I'm glad out of all the kids that could have gotten adopted together, it was us three." He'd say. "Mom and Dad raised some cool people."

"We've all we got." Theo said. "Can't rely on nobody else except each other. And… well, I guess 'Stan now, too."

"...I forgot about him…" Fal would say, looking over to Mer. "How, uh… how do you think he's gonna feel about this?"

"He'll mainly be happy you're okay, and that you're getting help." She'd say. "He might be a bit cautious with the kids being around you for awhile, but all in all, I think he'll be alright."

"Yeah… I don't blame him." Fal would say. "I like him though, hims good people."

"Can't say I don't like him being part of the family, now." Theo would say just before a phone would start ringing.

"Speaking of…" Mer would say, grabbing her phone from her pocket and answering it.

"Yeah-lo. Everything's okay, now. Hang on, I'll ask-" She'd move the phone from her ear and look to Fal. "You want some tiny terror company for a few minutes?"

"...uh… actually, I don't want the kids to see me like this." The blonde would say. "Nothing against them, I just… no."

Mer would frown but nod her head.

"He said not right now. He doesn't want them to see him like he is. Okay. I shouldn't be too much longer, I'll call you when I'm headed home. Love you too."

"He picked up the kids?" Theo asked. "Ronnie's cool with that?"

"He's been pretty chill lately." Mer would say, putting her phone away. "It's been nice. I don't know what changed but I ain't mad at it."

"See, I told you he wasn't so bad!" Fal would say.

"Fal, with all due respect, shut the fuck up." Theo responded. "I'm still a bit peeved at the motherfucker…"

"Theo…"

"I know, I know.. anyways, back on topic, we keep getting off it."

"I think everything's decided." Mer would say, looking to Fal.

"Yeah… yeah, I've decided. I'm a hundred percent sure." He'd agree. "I'll uh… I'll let the nurse know when they come back in… ask how i get started and all that. Win me some brownie points, maybe. Maybe the doctors and everyone involved will take me seriously, and I don't know… respect me more. You know, the person that actually needs the help is the one that's asking for it."

"Holy shit that was perhaps the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say." Theo responded.

"I have my moments." Fal would answer with a laugh. "Y'all go on and head out… it's Mer weekend with the kids, and I'm sure you've got a hot date or two to fill up your off days."

"Three if I decide to call that nurse." Theo said with a wink.

"And Imma head out." Mer would say, coming over to hug him. "Call us if you need anything, Fal, and I mean anything."

"You got it." The blonde would say, giving her a half hug back. "Go home, enjoy your kids." he'd add, letting go.

"Bye." She'd say, heading out of the room.

Once the door was closed behind her, Fals smile would fade and he'd glance nervously at his older brother.

He knew now, without Mer here, Theo was about to let him have it.

The older brother would simply glare at the blonde.

"This is your last chance, Fallyn." He'd warn, using his brother's full name. "I've done what I could to protect her from your choices, and the other failed attempts at getting you clean, but this is it. You fail this time, you are on your own, do you understand?"

Fal would frown and slowly nod his head.

"I know." He'd answer, tone somber. "I… listen, I appreciate everything you've done for me, and I know I wasn't very grateful before. But… thank you, for hiding it from her."

"She is the only reason I've let this go this long." Theo would say. "On top of everything she's had to deal with, she didn't need you and your bullshit. I know that wasn't really helpful to anybody but her, and I know that sounds cruel to you but… she's better now, it's your turn."

"I know… I know… I… I tried-"

"That's bullshit and you know it. You weren't trying to get better, you were trying to act like you were okay when you weren't."

"... Yeah, you're right. But, Theo, I promise this time it'll be different."

"It had fucking better be. I ain't doing this song and dance again."

"You know…most people would-"

"I ain't most people, and neither are you. You know how I am, I know how you are. You, like to be spiteful and do what you want, and prove other people wrong. So, do that. Prove me wrong. Prove to me, that you won't just go sliding back down to the bottom. Prove to me you can use those scrawny fucking arms to climb yourself out. Prove to me, that this time will be different. I don't want your promises, I don't want your swears, I want results."

"You have that little faith in me?"

"I've noticed a pattern, is all. Come to expect the same thing again and again."

Fal would frown again, and his brow would furrom as his hands clenched into fists.

"You think I'm just gonna fall back into my addictions? You don't think I actually want to get better? You think-"

"Prove. Me. Wrong."

"I fucking will! You just watch me!"

"I am." Theo said. "Keep that in mind. You are under surveillance from this moment on, and if you screw up again, I'll find out. And if I find out, Imma beat the breaks off you and haul you back into the light my damn self. I'm done being nice."

"You'll have to find someone else's ass to kick, cuz I don't want no part of your right hook." Fal said. "If that's what's gonna happen if I mess up, you'd better believe I won't mess up."

"Good, then we're on the same page, finally." Theo would answer as the door opened and a nurse poked her head in.

"Everything okay?" She asked. "Sounded like you two were arguing.

"We were." Fal said. "But…we're good now. I think."

"We're good." Theo would say, looking at the nurse before looking back to Fal. "I'm heading out, now. You keep in mind what I said."

"Oh yeah, I gotcha." Fal said, nodding his head. "And when I prove you wrong, I want an apology. Hand written and heartfelt."

"I can promise one, but not the other." Theo replied with a click of his tongue. "Later bro."

Once Theo and the nurse had left the room, Fal just sat there, fuming.

Motherfucker didn't think he could get better, get clean? Didn't think he could kick these habits?

Well, he'd better buckle the fuck up, cuz he was gonna be in for one hell of a surprise.

Prove him wrong…

"Oh I'll prove you wrong, you motherfucker… you just fucking watch… I show you…"