A/N: I know I'm mean I keep putting them together and pulling them apart again. It's all part of the plan so hang tight. This chapter is a slightly longer one so enjoy. Shoutout to tingtorn78 for being the most faithful reviewer.
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU, that belongs to Dick Wolf.
Chapter 9:
A month later the two women were still spending most of their down time together. Amanda was feeling guilty about not letting the other detective know about her secrets but she wasn't prepared to let them go for just a friend. She needed complete trust for her to be able to let go and she wasn't sure if Olivia's hesitancy for a deeper relationship was to do with her or herself so she continued to keep them held tight inside her.
A Thursday night in Amanda's apartment found them in front of the television each located in their usual positions in opposite corners of the sofa. Amanda had stopped drinking when Olivia had, she didn't need it, drinking wasn't her vice after all. She liked it sure but she didn't need it to unwind. She was more than happy sipping juice or soda with her friend and eating take out on one of their couches and talking into the early hours.
A knock at the door echoed through the room. Amanda got up and grabbed her wallet assuming it was the pizza she had ordered and was a little bemused to see the woman who stood in her doorway.
"Mama?" Amanda was astonished when the older blonde women pulled her into a hug and walked past her into her daughters apartment "What are you doing here?" She finally managed to get out when her mother released her hold on her.
"What I can't come and see how my eldest child is doing in the big city?" Beth Anne Rollins questioned her child and hadn't even noticed the brunette who had now stood from her seated position on the couch.
"No you can Mama, it's just so unexpected. You could of called to tell me you were coming" Amanda looked towards Olivia who had cautiously approached the two women. "This is my friend and colleague; Olivia Benson. Mama this is Olivia." She introduced the two women in her home and watched as her mother appraised Olivia, taking in everything from her naturally tousled brown waves of shining hair to her socked feet.
"Charmed to meet you Miss Benson" Beth Anne drawled and held out her hand for Olivia to shake warmly, her accent was even stronger than Amanda's.
"You too Mrs Rollins. Listen Amanda I should go. Want me to pick you up for work in the morning?" She started pulling her boots on and reached for her coat.
"No Liv what about the pizza? You haven't eaten yet!" Amanda tried to stop Olivia leaving her alone with her mother for the entire night.
"I'll grab something on my way home calm down, you should spend the night with your Mom. Sure you have lots of catching up to do" Olivia grinned catching on to Amanda's unease around her mother and it was amusing to her.
"Fine See you tomorrow morning but text me when you get home please" Amanda pressed a kiss to her cheek and showed her out as Olivia called out goodbye to Beth Anne.
When she had left Amanda turned to face to her mother a little annoyed at the way her evening had been ambushed.
"How long you here for Mama?" She tried to keep the annoyance out of her tone but was finding it difficult.
"Mandy dear that's no way to talk to your mother who has travelled so far just to see you!" She scolded her child "And for about a week I thought, I'd come and see how your life is shaping up out here so I could picture you here instead of worrying night and day about my baby" The older blonde informed her she pulled Amanda into her direct line and studied her from head to toe while Amanda moved restlessly under her mother perusal. "You're too thin, are you even eating out here? Other than that you look good honey" She hugged her again. The door knocked again and Amanda pulled the cash out of her wallet and paid the pizza guy and returned holding the large box in her hands.
"You want some pizza?" Amanda inquired looking at her mother again.
"Sounds good then you can tell me a little about your new life here?" Beth Anne was like a dog with a bone , she wanted as much information as possible but first "Do you have any wine?" She asked her daughter.
"No, Olivia isn't drinking so I haven't been doing it in front of her." Amanda answered "I can hit the store on the corner if you want though?" She knew her mother would likely need a drink or two most nights.
"Sounds good honey you know what I like, I trust you. Why isn't your friend drinking? She have a problem?" Beth Anne was curious about the other woman who had seemed too comfortable in her daughters home.
"She's pregnant Mama" Amanda rolled her eyes and shrugged her coat on "I'll be five minutes, make yourself at home" She let the cold air calm her nerves her mother was always a mystery to her. She never knew exactly what mood the other woman would be in . Whether she would be more likely to kiss her or cuff her across the back of the head. Tonight it seemed she was in the former mood and she hoped it lasted.
When she returned with the two bottles of wine and 4 beers she put them in the fridge to chill. Grabbed two plates and put pizza out for the both of them. Her and Liv would've just eaten from the box but eating with her mother required a tiny bit more etiquette even if it was just greasy pizza from down the street.
"So your pregnant friend? Her husband alright with her spending so much time with you?" Her mother started grilling her again.
"She doesn't have a husband and that's a complicated situation Mama. It isn't like Loganville here. People don't just get married cause they're pregnant" She ran a hand through her exasperatedly.
"Hmm I see that. You're different here" She studied her daughter again over her wine glass "You making friends I hope?" She continued.
"Yeah I have Liv and the squad and I'm thinking about getting a dog" She answered quietly.
"is a dog a good idea with all the hours you work?" Beth Anne was on top form with her questioning tonight,
"Yeah that's part of the reason I want to get one, something to defend my place when I'm not here and it's not exactly the safest place to live here Mama. It'd be nice to be able to go for a walk after sun down occasionally. I could do that if I had a dog for protection." She replied before yawning loudly. "You can take my bed and I'll sleep out here tonight" Amanda got up to grab a pillow and blanket from the hall closet.
"Thanks honey, see you in the morning. I'm so happy I came" The other woman stumbled into Amanda's bedroom and sprawled onto the bed clumsily from the wine she had drunk.
The next morning a light rapping on her door awoke Amanda she glanced at the time and panicked it was already 8am. That must be Olivia to pick her up for work and she wasn't even dressed. She opened the door to find the older detective who raised an eyebrow at her when she saw how dishevelled her colleague was "Late night Rollins?" She laughed lightly "I bought you and your mother coffee and breakfast" She held up the coffee's and a paper bag, peace offering for ducking out on you last night" she admitted Olivia into the apartment and accepted the coffee she was holding it out for her gratefully. She glanced at Olivia again who was taking a sip from her own paper cup "Relax its de-cafe I swear" Olivia held her hands up in mock surrender.
At that moment Beth Anne chose to enter the room still wearing her clothes from last night she held the same expression as her daughter. It seemed both hated mornings the same way.
"Olivia bought us coffee and breakfast Mama isn't that nice of her?" Amanda informed her sleepy mother.
"I didn't know how you take it so there's cream and sugar in the bag. I also got real New York bagels with cream cheese" Olivia took another drink "And cinnamon sugar doughnuts for all of us" She added when she saw the younger Rollins arch an eyebrow about the cream cheese "I only got two bagels Amanda I'm aware I can't have any soft cheeses." She drank again.
"Congratulations are in order so I hear Miss Benson" Beth Anne said adding sugar and cream to the paper cup as Amanda held out a porcelain mug for her mother knowing she wouldn't drink out of the paper one. Beth Anne transferred the dark liquid into the mug and drank "The coffee's good out here I must say" She smelled the cup approvingly.
"Thanks and yeah I'm not really telling many people yet though" Olivia shrugged.
"You won't be able to hide it much longer honey, I can already see the start of a bump and I just met you" Beth Anne was not a woman to mince her words and Olivia glanced down at her belly and knew she was right. She was wearing her last pair of work pants that still fit and her button down blouse was straining at the last two buttons. Not to mention all her non sports bra's felt unbearably tight now.
"I know, but work is difficult and once I'm at my desk no one can see my belly and it's getting colder now so I can get away wearing my coat for the rest of the time" Olivia ran a hand over the gentle swell of her belly, she really wanted to wait until she had the amnio and results back in a few weeks before letting the world know about her baby.
"Say are you girls working this weekend?" Beth Anne had a thought.
"I'm on call tomorrow but Liv is off all weekend." Amanda bit into her bagel and put her mothers on a plate.
"What about Sunday?" She pried the information out of her daughter.
"I'm off Sunday." Amanda grudgingly admitted.
"Why don't we all go shopping? Girls trip? We can grab lunch and make a day of it. Olivia needs maternity clothes and I know Amanda needs winter clothes. We don't get cold snaps this bad down south" She suggested cheerfully to the younger women.
"Mama I don't need any new clothes, I have enough..."Amanda started to protest but was interrupted by Olivia muttering under her breath,
"Liar" Amanda shot her a look that could kill and Olivia just laughed at her "Manda we both know you need proper winter wear, it hits the minus temps pretty hard here and you don't have a real winter coat or even a hat or scarf." Amanda pouted she didn't want to spend an entire Sunday out with her mother when she had no idea how her mood was going to be.
"Fine!" Amanda gave up, there was no way she was winning this one so she shuffled to the bathroom and to get dressed she returned 15 minutes later and turned to Olivia who was now standing ready to leave. "Let's go to Work and Mama the spare key is in the dish on top of the fridge so you can come and go as you please. I'll be back at 7ish" she left the apartment with Olivia trailing behind.
"I like your Mom" Olivia said once they'd left" She's a lot like you" She surmised as they got into Olivia's car.
"I'm nothing like her!" Amanda spat suddenly tense.
"Woah easy tiger!" Olivia backed down apologetically "What's your problem with her exactly?" she was suddenly curious. She had felt the waves of tension coming off her friend since last night but had just assumed that it was because Beth Anne Rollins' visit was unexpected.
"She's just completely unpredictable, Sure she's charming now and last night but that can change on a dime and the next thing I know she'll be drunk and cursing at me and trying to hit me" Amanda growled "I never know what's coming with her, I love her cause she's my Mama and I have to but sometimes I really don't like her" She sighed after her admission.
"My Mom was like that too" Olivia took Amanda's hand in hers "She was raped and then 9 months later she had me and that was that. She hated me because I reminded her of him. The older I got the worse it was until eventually I hit her back and then I left home to go to college. She never stopped drinking though and it was that what killed her about 11 years ago now. She fell down some steps whilst she was drunk and that was that" Olivia paused "I know what you're going through , it'll be okay she has to go home sooner or later right?" Olivia pulled the young woman in her passenger seat towards her and hugged her briefly "Okay to go now?" She asked her friend and when Amanda shook her yes Olivia put the key in the ignition and began to drive to work.
The next few work days passed in a blur to Amanda, Having her mother around constantly was putting her on edge. Beth Anne hadn't done anything yet to make her daughter nervous but the longer it went by without her mother having an inevitable mood swing the more anxious she got as she knew it had to be coming.
Sunday morning rolled around and as she and her mother dressed for the day ahead they barely said a word to each other. Beth Anne was really trying to understand her eldest child for once and seeing her away from their home town and in her new environment gave her a nice unobstructed view of the woman her daughter was now. Amanda had always been bright and focused with regards to her education and now her career so it wasn't that she was so curious about. No, it was her private life that was so interesting now. Amanda had been very careful over the years never revealing more than she had to about her life outside of work and the older Rollins woman just assumed her daughter didn't have time to date but now she wondered if it was something more. Amanda hadn't brought anyone home to meet her since tenth grade and she couldn't remember ever hearing her daughter say any of her previous boyfriends names. Amanda was an attractive girl so surely she hadn't been single all this time through choice.
They met Olivia on the corner and walked to the subway in relative silence. Olivia not wanting to rock the boat with Amanda's obviously tense relationship with her parent. Today was going to a long one.
As the spent the morning going from store to store in search of clothes from the both of them. Amanda managed to find two pairs of warm woollen slacks that she could wear to work and a few sweaters but Olivia was struggling to find anything she liked in any of the maternity wear departments they had visited.
"It's all so pink and girly. Where's the maternity wear for the Mom to be who kicks ass occasionally?" Olivia grumbled to Amanda.
"Maybe you should just go up a size for now?" Amanda suggested.
"No I'll find something eventually." She protested as a sales woman came over and asked if she could help them with anything . Olivia was about to say no when Amanda interrupted "Do you have any professional wear in the maternity section? My friend needs some clothes to wear for work." She smiled at the sales woman charmingly catching Olivia's frown out of the corner of her eye.
"Oh yeah sure thing this way. We have a number of different selections here for the working mother to be. Suits, pants, blouses and skirts. Everything you might need." She gestured to the rack to her left and then caught Amanda's eye again and said in a lower tone "Call me if you need anything" She put her hand on Amanda's shoulder and strutted away.
Olivia was more than a little bothered with the sales woman's shameless flirting with Amanda. She was jealous but she knew she only had to say the word and Amanda would be hers.
Amanda was also taken aback by the woman who had come onto her , it had been a while since she had been hit on so blatantly and although she didn't feel any attraction to the woman in question she was flattered. She caught her mothers eye and blushed slightly suddenly remembering she was here.
After Olivia found a few outfits for work she also bought two pairs of jeans a couple of stretchy long sleeved t-shirts and a pair of leggings. She had also been persuaded by the older Rollins into buying a few maternity bra's, "these ones are quite the thing honey. They turn into nursing bra's after the baby comes" She demonstrated the clasp at the font of the cup for Olivia to see. Olivia has resigned herself to being measured up and fitted for the bra's to ensure she bought the right size. By the time lunch rolled around Olivia was exhausted and a little grumpy. Being 14 weeks pregnant and being manhandled by a rather large woman in a dressing room for a fitting had strained her nerves.
Beth Anne was still studying her daughter quietly as she had been all day. She observed closely every interaction between her daughter and Olivia Benson. There was something going on and she was determined to confront her daughter about it tonight.
As the day drew to a close both of the detective had gotten what they had come for and even Beth Anne had found a new outfit complete with shoes and accessories to take home with her. She also had picked out a beautiful bath silk bathrobe as a present for her younger daughter. Olivia bid the pair farewell as the subway reached her stop and kissed Amanda gently on the cheek.
"See you at work tomorrow? Or do you want a ride?" She asked knowing the younger woman didn't like driving early in the morning in New York when the frost still lingered on the roads.
"A ride would be great" She said her goodbyes and when Olivia was gone she caught her mothers gaze again and looked at her puzzled about the look upon her mothers face "what?" She asked Beth Anne struggling to find words.
"nothing dear we will talk at home" She shut down the conversation not wanting to start something in public.
20 minutes later they were inside Rollins apartment and Amanda had started the kettle for tea watching with apprehension as her mother opened a bottle of red wine.
"So Olivia...Does she know?" Beth Anne asked cautiously watching as Amanda's brows furrowed in confusion.
"Know what Mama?" She felt a sinking in her stomach as she realised her mother might know more than she thought.
"Does she know that you're in love with her?" She asked again watching her child's face turn red with embarrassment.
"Um she knows...I have feelings for her." Amanda answered finally still avoiding her mothers eyes.
"It's okay you know Amanda. I always wondered about you. You haven't had a steady boyfriend since the tenth grade and you never mentioned anyone by their name since then in fact you even avoided He/She pronouns whenever you talked about dates. It makes sense that you prefer the company of other women and it doesn't bother me either way, I just want you happy and settled. Now your Daddy might have a problem with it but it's not my business to tell him and I don't believe you two have spoken in years so don't worry about that" She took hold of her daughters hand and raised her chin with a finger tip to meet her eyes "I still love you so why don't you tell me about these feelings of yours and see if Mama can't make it better?" Beth Anne pulled her child into a hug seeing the tears brimming in her daughters eyes,
"She has feelings for me too, I know she does but she's afraid to commit and now there's all this baby daddy drama too. We kissed a few weeks ago but I stopped her before it could go any further because she still can't commit. She hasn't been with another woman before but that's only part of the problem, she's been hurt before obviously and doesn't want to have our relationship fail like all her previous ones have but by holding out she's preventing herself having the opportunity to let a relationship work for once. To be loved . I do love her Mama" She sobbed into her mothers chest. This was surreal, her mother was holding and whispering soothing words in her ear whilst she told her about her homosexual feelings.
"You know this weird right?" Amanda pulled back to look at her mother "You being okay with this?" She clarified "I never thought I'd tell you until I found a woman I wanted to marry" Amanda shrugged herself out of her mothers arms and poured the hot water into the teapot.
"Maybe you have already found her and that's why you're telling me all this now?" Beth Anne suggested. Amanda raised an eyebrow at her and realised at the same moment she did that her mother was right. Amanda was in love with Olivia and she wanted to marry her.