The dawn rolled softly over the red sandstone. All who had been drinking the previous night (in other words, the vast majority of beasts) were out cold. Sister Willy had gotten up bright and early to ask a few beasts a question that was on her mind since Lenny's performance. She went to the infirmary to see that all were still asleep. She tried to wake up Barley, but was only met by a soft groan and wave to go away. She frowned, "I guess I'm ignorant, stupid, and not worth anyone's time."
Do not ask me why she said this. I don't know and never cared to find out. Presumably there had been an argument of some kind but warlords don't waste time with petty disputes.
Deep in thought, with a sour frown on her face, Willy passed by the abbot.
Valentine stopped her. "Sister Wilhelmina, what's wrong? I hate seeing your joyful face being crushed with a frown."
She put a soft smile on her face. "Oh, It is nothing you need to worry about, Father Abbot. I will be over it by noon."
His eyes narrowed "Hmmm, well then, I won't ask any further. If anyone is picking on you, let me know. I will deal with them swiftly."
Before continuing down the hall, she said "Thank you, Abbot, for your offer…... I don't think that it will be necessary reaction for what happened. I must be off now, I have some Business to attend to before I start class today."
"I understand. Try to have a good day, Willy." he said.
"I will, Abbot." And with that, the Abbot went outside for his morning walk, and Sister Willy went to find Lenny to discuss an activity she had in mind for her class.
She found the mouse fast asleep among his soap barrels and gently tapped his shoulder "Mister Leftwit? I have a question that I would like to ask you."
"Notawarlord!" Lenny shouted, sitting up so abruptly that he rolled right off the barrel of produce and met the ground hard.
"Sorry for scaring you, Mr. Leftwit. I was wondering if you could help me organize a play for my class to perform. I know little to nothing about playwriting and really think it would be a great way to teach them theater in a hands-on way," were Sister Willy actual words.
What Harlapple heard was, "WOULD YOU HELP ME PUT ON A PLAY FOR THE KIDS? :DDD"
Despite now sporting a bloody nose, Lenny smiled wide. "That sounds fantastic! Just what the little tots need, a bit of theater practice!" He flailed his paws about dramatically. "Something dramatic! Might even pick up a talent or two. There's lots to theater after all. Got any singers?"
"Little Jake loves to sing, and so does Honeysuckle. The rest…... need work." she answered.
"And that's where I come in," he removed the warlord mask he'd been sleeping in to rub his face. He paused for a moment. "Do we start before, or after breakfast?"
She paused to think, "I was thinking after lunch, I still have to teach them their other lessons for today."
Good, if needs be, I have time to plot my escape.
Lenny deflated like a popped balloon, but smiled wide anyways. "Well then! Something to look forward to!" Clapping his paws he skipped over to another one of his barrels to check his supplies.
"Thank you so much, Mr. Leftwit. I have to go and teach them now. See you later."
And with that the fox left. I had until after lunch to prepare for what would no doubt be a similar affair to commanding hordebeasts. Nothing I couldn't handle.
Elsewhere, Oakwin was going through a pile of hardwood, trying to find the perfect pieces for his project.
None of the top logs looked suitable; he really did not want to use oak…... He flipped over a few more logs only to find some had begun rotting. Off to the next pile. There, he found a piece of walnut that would suit his needs.
He took the wood off to a little cutting station that he had set up outside a few weeks ago with the coming of warm spring weather. He planned the wood and figured out which sections he wanted to carve, and which sections he wanted to leave alone (the wood had a very nice grain).
He pulled out the plans he was using and marked the pieces accordingly, making sure to leave extra where he wanted to carve. He cut the pieces to their proper shape. This process took him until noon.
Sister Wilhelmina brought the class outside for lunch, putting an end to Oakwin's work (dibbuns + chisel sets= chaos).
She had made little sandwiches for her class, some fish, others jam, and yet others fruit ones. For a small dessert, she brought out cheesecake covered in raspberry sauce. After they were all done, she brought them into the Great Hall to start working on the play.
"Alrighty then, class, we will be putting on a play in a few days! Mr. Leftwing will help us out." she motioned towards Lenny.
"Hello children, do call me Lenny, I find it's much easier on the tongue– and we're going to be using that a lot in here so best keep it in mint condition!" he waggled his eyebrows.
Of course, I was wearing a mask which covered my eyebrows so the waggling went unappreciated.
"Now, since this is our first class I think it's only natural that we start with the basics. Before we do that, are there any questions?"
A little harvest mouse raised his paw.
Lenny gave them a pair of thumbclaws-up as the go-ahead.
"Can I pee?" he asked.
Were I a less merciful warlord I would have slain him on the spot.
Lenny glanced about conspiratorially, gesturing for the harvest mouse to come closer.
The mouse approached him with extreme caution.
"Yes," Lenny whispered. "But not in here."
"WHERE DO I GO?" he whisper-screamed.
It crossed my mind that the play was merely a way to drag me down, humiliate me, make me a joke in front of the other abbeybeasts. To make me seem less threatening when I inevitably started actually sieging them.
"Just go in the lavatory, Milo." yelled another classmate.
"THE LAVATORY!" Lenny whisper-screamed, trying to maintain the persona of an actor imitating the child. "QUICKLY!"
The little harvest mouse darted off, but he did not make it out of the Great Hall before making a mess.
"I SAID NOT IN HERE!" Lenny continued to whisper-scream, though now he was no longer doing it in jest.
But then I remembered they were all idiots.
"Who wants to be CLUNY THE SCOURGE!" Lenny roared at the mass of enthralled children. "You get to wear the tail-spike." He waved around a flimsy, faux axe.
A little badger roared "Me me me me" as he ran over.
"Hahaha! Enthusiasm! I like it!" Adjusting the tail-spike so that it would fit, Lenny handed the badger-pup the prop. "And who wants to be the vile, the sneaky, the conniving, SLAGAR THE CRUEL!"
The children went quiet and shuffled awkwardly. One shouted "He's lame, he backed into a well."
"Now, now, children. In the eyes of Voolpooz, the vicious, red-skinned mole who presides over Hellgates, all warlords are equal."
But, actually, he was a bit lame, yeah.
Lenny whipped out his trump card. "You also get the whip!"
A little mole came forward at the sound of getting a whip.
"Perfect! What a slaver you are!" Lenny leaned in and added in a whisper. "We'll see what we can do about finding you a nice, fluffy tail."
The mole promptly wrapped himself up in the whip and started rolling across the floor.
Lenny hurried after them. "Now now, we don't want you backing up into a well!"
A little hedgehog shouted from the back. "Inna be fower!" Three others agreed and all began chanting in sync "Fower, fower, fower!"
The Abbot came through (avoiding the pee puddle) chuckling to himself. He liked the chaos that came with the dibbuns.
From behind, he heard a scoff. "Uch, of course you didn't step in it." Came Barley's voice.
"You'd all make such lovely decorations," Lenny smiled through gritted teeth. "We'll have to raid the orchards at dusk to procure the best flowers for your costumes."
And ruin both your fruit harvest and the orchard.
The mouse acknowledged the Abbot with a bow. "Hark, here be the warlord in chief! And here comes another!"
The abbot, still smiling, shook his head and continued on his way.
The badger cracked his knuckles, and neck, "Who gets to be Matthias, Lenny?"
"Eager for a rematch, are we Mr Scourge? Who here wants to be Matthias?" The mouse procured his most fantastic prop. "They get the life-sized copy of the sword of Martin the Warrior!"
Seeing that the badger was to be Cluny, all of the other looked at each other and decided that it would be Milo. A shrew came forward and said "We think Milo should."
"Perfect!" Lenny clapped his paws excitedly. The sooner the roles were handed out, the better. Then he could go back to scheming while the children played. "You think he'd be good for the role?"
"Well," the little shrewmaid said, "he is not here and he really likes Matthias, so we agreed to let him have the role." She smiled very sweetly.
"How very thoughtful of you all! What about Martin? Who wants to be Martin?" Lenny procured a shield from his seemingly bottomless supply of props.
All of the rest of the children tried to catch his attention.
"OOoooh I see! Very desireable role! We'll leave it for later then... who wants to play-" he made sure that Valentine was no longer in earshot. "The GRUMPY ABBOT SOURPUSS ABOUT TO DIE FROM A KNIFE TO THE BACK!"
They all pointed towards the direction of the actual Abbot, luckily for them, he was not in the room.
In this way, the roles continued to be handed out. It was by far the easiest audition anybeast had ever or would ever attend. One merely needed to scream 'Me, ME, ME!' louder than the beast next to them. At some point they had left the hall and gone into the orchard.
Barley emerged from a shadowy doorway like a grub from some dark hole into full daylight. Pausing for a moment to brace against the brightness, she trudged across the lawn consigning herself to dragging half a dozen excited dibbuns that crossed to meet her. She fought to hold up the last of a buttery croissant before the weight of three hungry young ones brought their quarry within grabbing distance. Barley gave it up to afford herself a moment to make it to a stump near the little gathering where she plopped herself down with a yawn. "Aaaaaaaaaahhmornin' all."
"A creature of the night is upon us, decrepit and rotting, though still full of cheer and politeness. Morning to you too, my fair maid." Lenny bowed low, his nose almost touching the ground.
Barley hissed playfully and indicated for the tiny pair of hedgehog brothers to hop into her lap. "Ouch! Easy there youngins. Alright, what'r'we doin' here?"
"Play practice!" the shrew shouted.
Milo had mixed feelings about his part. He got to be Matthias, true, but he was deathly afraid of the badger who kept testing the blade of his faux axe and wiggling his eyebrows at Milo.
"I've just finished assigning the roles," Lenny announced, very proud of his work.
"Thank you, Lenny." Willy said as she stood up.
A little mole, who had planted himself between Barley's foot paws, spoke up. "Mizz Bardey 'ere beez 'e h'abbot?!"
the field mouse turned red "No, I'm the abbot!"
Barley patted the mole's velvety head. "It's alright lil one, i'm sure Mister Lenny'll throw me in if he needs a tree or somethin'. Someone playin' the part a tha wall yet?"
She had just given me an excellent idea. Instead of letting the Redwallers play their conniving, subtle, cold war games alone, I would join they wanted a play, they would get it! And it would star all of them in ways that humiliated them.
"No, but we need an owl." Lenny grinned, brandishing a pair of wings.
Barley squinted suspiciously at them, attempting to reach back into a cloudy memory
"You slide them over your arms, like so, then flap and squawk about like a bird! Would be better if it wasn't just fabric, but it's the best I can do for now. Can't wait till I get to slap on a few feathers onto this bad boy!" Lenny gabbered about, making a vague noise of excitement. "And I know I have a beak here somewhere!"
The first lines were given out, all enthusiastically received. Everything was going well until the inevitable happened: the Slagar mole tripped over his whip and began to cry.
It was bound to happen sooner or later, Lenny thought wryly. Nevertheless the performer made his way towards Slagar, making vague shhhshhhshhhing motions and noises he'd seen mothers do. "Now, now, no needs to cry, little darling." The mouse crouched down so that he was on the same level as the wailing mole and whispered, very seriously. "Warlords never cry."
Inspired by Lenny's consolation, the little mole stifled his tears and attempted to walk off with dignity.
Lenny smiled, surprised that had worked. Normally he had no such luck with children.
The four "fowers" had wandered off a little way to play on the banks of the pond.
"Darlings! You're playing roses, not water lillies!" Lenny called them over. He paused, considering his options. "First one back gets a candied chestnut!"
The sight of four floppy flowers tumbling and tugging on one another in a top heavy race caused Barley to nearly fall over laughing.
In the end all four of them got two (2!) Candied chestnuts apiece.
At the end of the session, all of the adults were exhausted and the dibbuns still full of energy. Sister Willy called for their attention "Ok, children, children! Class is over for the day, hand the props back over to Lenny. You will have all day tomorrow to play and practice with them."
"Into the prop crate! No! Not that one, we don't open that one, nasty fellows lives inside. This crate." Lenny shook a jar of candied chestnuts. "Sweet for every prop that gets handed back! A scrubbing for any that try to keep them!"
The children rushed to put the props back without further beckoning. "Thanks again, Lenny." the Sister said.
"My pleasure!" The mouse rubbed his paws together in excitement. "Can't wait for tomorrow!"
The next day….
Outside, Sister Willy was helping hand out the props back to the dibbuns for practice that day. It would be a few days before they would be ready to perform.
The young badger was first in line to get the Cluny props back. He really wanted to 'practice'.
It was chaos as usual: Milo hid behind an otter pup, the flowers kept running to the pond, and one of the dibbuns started eating grass.
"Constance!" Lenny cried. "Stop eating grass!"
"Maybe we should move this inside?" Willy suggested.
"That might be for the best, Sister," Lenny agreed, prying Constance away from her impromptu lunch.
Willy called out to her class, "Children! Let's go inside, bring your props with you!" The strays had to be gathered, and everything was moved back into the Great Hall.
Milo was trying to make himself as small as possible under a table when one of the shrews told his location to the badger.
"Com' out 'ere mousey! So's i c'n mash ya into dus'!" Shouted the rather stocky little striped warlord.
Little Milo started to cry. He felt that the end was near.
A squirrel who was dressed up as a hare came up behind the badger and hit him with his own tail prop. "Take that!"
"Not fair!" Shouted Ashstripe as he rubbed the slate-gray area between his ears that was his name sake. "You can't hit da warlord wivout him lookin'!" The argument devolved into a scuffle.
Sister Wilhelmina picked them both up by the scruff and heartily scolded both of them. "Ashstipe, Ashpaw, you two behave or you will be stripped of your roles. You can take it out back after practice. Ashstripe, do not lay a paw on Milo until the performance."
The little squirrelmaid dressed as Methuselah shouted from the back of the crowd. "Sis'er wimna! Cornfower bit me!" A hedgehog dressed in a blue, oversized smock cried in indignation, "No i dinnint!"
She walked over to check for bite marks. Finding some she turned to the little hedgehog "Would Cornflower ever bite an old monk?"
The little hedgehog hung her head. "No."
"Why did you bite her?" Sister asked.
"A'cus she said i don' look like cornfowler."
The flowers giggled. "It's 'fower' not 'fowler'!" They teased. Cornflower stuck her tongue out at the lot of them.
"Little miss," she said to the squirrel, "that was not very nice of you to say that. She looks like a Cornflower, and you look like an old monk. Both of you need to apologize and you," she said pointing to the squirrel, "need to stop making fun of people, or you will have to be a member of the captives."
The dibbuns hugged and were instantly best friends again.
Back in the Great Hall, Sister Willy was trying to coax Milo out from under a table, "Milo, please come out. Ashstripe won't hurt you, I promise." The tiny harvest mouse moved farther under the table than he was before.
"If you don't mind, Sister, perhaps I could be of assistance?" Lenny offered.
"Please." she replied.
Without further ado, Lenny dived under the table. He was not quite as small as Milo, so it was a bit cramped. Nevertheless, Lenny offered the harvest mouse a smile and waggled his eyebrows. "Who're we hiding from?"
"THE BADGER" he scream whispered. He was violently shaking out of fear and clearly needed to pee.
"The Scourge!" Lenny whispered, his eyes bulging dramatically. The mouse held out his paw. "Quick! We must take refuge in the latrines!"
The flowers chanted "Peepaws, peepaws!"
The little mouse took his paw.
Lenny snatched him up, holding Milo at arm's length as if he were a biological weapon. "Hush! Flowers ought to be seen and not heard!" he snapped, emerging from under the table and racing out from the hall at lightning speed.
The rucus had attracted a smattering of abbeybeasts who stopped mid-chore to watch the cartwreck much amused.
"Out of the way! Out of the way!" Lenny screeched in exaggerated madness. "Can you not see that this is an emergency!?"
Chuckles were heard as the good beasts parted, allowing Lenny passage.
Miraculously, the two made it to their destination without undergoing catastrophe. Lenny thrust Milo into a stall to do his business, and shut the door behind the harvest mouse.
Kids, he shook his head fondly. Wouldn't last a day out in the real world…
"So… the badger's been picking on you?" Lenny asked, despite already knowing the answer. He was well-travelled enough to know what a bully looked like, irrespective of his salesbeast persona.
"Yeah."
"Not very nice, is he?"
"Yeah," Milo said again.
"Got any idea why? Or is he just one of those… mean-beans?"
"He's just a meany," Milo said as he opened the stall door.
"Well then! We're going to have to do something about it, aren't we?" Lenny tapped his nose conspiratorially
Milo had a bit of fear eliminated as he walked towards the door without washing his hands.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Lenny produced a bar of soap from out of thin air.
"Nooo, I don't fink so…" he said.
"Always wash your paws, Milo," the actor insisted, enunciating every word, and holding out the bar. "A bit of personal hygiene never hurt anybeast you know."
But try to tell that to my hordebeasts.
He dutifully washed his paws and was eager to get out of the lavatory.
"Do you enjoy my classes?" Lenny asked conversationally, leading the way back to the sounds of dibbuns screaming in a much more relaxed manner.
"Yes, I do, Lemmy." he said.
"I'm glad… yes… happy… Do you want to know a secret?"
He nodded rapidly, eyes fixed on Lenny.
"I used to be a lot like you. Small. Weak. Pathetic. Incapable of controlling my bladder! I swear I was such a sticky little child it's ironic I ever got into the soap business. I was pushed around and prodded. Scared to death of everything bigger than me. Which was, essentially, everything. Yes, I know the feeling Milo. Of hiding under a table because all your peers are somehow bigger and better than you are." Lenny nodded gravely. "Sound familiar?"
" Yes" he said looking down.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of." Lenny folded his paws behind his back. "To be scared, I mean. Fear lives inside of every creature great and small. I am scared all the time." Lenny winked broadly. "You wouldn't think it by looking at me, would you?"
"No, I would nevver fink you could be scared" he said, now looking at Lenny again.
"Oh but I am." The mouse nodded gravely. "I have nightmares more often than not. And there are beasts I try to avoid. Sometimes, when I'm travelling on a long and winding road in the middle of the witching hour…" Lenny shivered. "Just the other day I had a dream, a terrible dream that something was coming to Redwall. Something big and strong and ferocious. And I woke up screaming!" Lenny exclaimed.
The little harvest mouse's eyes widened as he gasped.
Lenny shrugged. "But it was only a dream Milo. Nothing to worry about. Fear is nothing to be ashamed of. But it's not something we can allow to consume us either. If I were to dwell on fear alone I would freeze everytime I stepped upon the stage. And never sell another soap again."
"Really?" Milo squeaked.
"Really! Think of Matthias, why don't you? He must have been teriffied fighting Cluny! No doubt he wet himself on the spot! But did he let that stop him? No! Of course not! He stood up straight, fought as good as he got, and in the end, triumphed!" Lenny patted the mouse on the head. "You can too."
Little lights of admiration lit up in the Harvest mouse's eyes. Lenny had rekindled the flame of courage in him and Milo went to confront the badger.
Sister Willy smiled and mouthed a thank you to Lenny.
Lenny brushed aside the thanks with a wave of his paw.
The rest of practice went smoothly, as Ashstripe and Milo were busy practicing separate parts of their lines. Willy did this on purpose so that they would not get into a fight.
"Very good, very good!" Lenny cheered, encouraging them all.
"How many days, do you think, until they are ready to perform?" Sister Wilhelmina asked Lenny.
"Another two or three, I reckon?" Lenny scratched the top of his head. "It would be best if we sorted out some of the infighting beforepaw," he added, eyeing Ashstripe.
"Yes, yes, I will have to talk to Ashstripe one on one tomorrow before class." she said as she watched him practice.
"Yes. Tell him that if he doesn't behave himself I'll give him a mouthful of soap."
She laughed a bit. "Don't worry, I will."
At the end of practice, all of the props were put away with relative ease as compared to the previous day. When it was over, the dibbuns exploded in all directions, eager to play outside.