Disibod woke up from his very long nap to find that his black habit, cowl, and scapular were folded in a neat stack on the back of his bed.
For the record, he wasn't asleep the entire time- there was an altercation between him and Snowball earlier I didn't tell you about because I'm the main character and it's not part of my story.
As he donned his clothing he noticed everything was strangely quiet. A short while later he made his way to the Great Hall where he found a feast and a play in full swing...
Snow was seated at her harp, having gotten over her initial stage fright, her eyes closed tightly as she played an enchanting melody. The Abbeybeasts were enraptured by the performance, eyes glued to Barley Mae in her feather suit and Lenny as the dashing hero. At ease, Snowbelle seemed to float with each note she played, glad that the audience's attention was not focused on her.
Snowball was secretly seething that the audience's attention was not focused on her but that makes for poor writing.
"Stand back, feathered fiend," bellowed Lenny, looking suitably terrified behind his mask as he brandished a wooden sword. "Or else be run through by this blade and quartered!"
Barley popped up on the opposite side of the stage from a behind a bundle of sticks that served as a big birds nest. She cackled menacingly. "Keeyaaaaagh! Yer liddle tooth pick can'd pierce the hide of the bightyyyyy…" Her mind drew a blank. "Yyyyyrraaateagle! Keeyaaaaaagh!" She stood to her full height, spreading her wings and setting them in place, intent to take flight. Her modification to the costume was actually quite clever. She affixed mittens to either end of a mop handle and slung it along her back for all the world appearing to have her feathered arms spread. In reality her arms were positioned behind a hidden clasp holding the bottom of the beak to the top. "Prepaaaare to beeeaat your bakerrrr sdack!"
Everybeast watched with bated breath, eyes wide in excitement, as Barley Mae shot an unsubtle wink at the 'hidden' stagepaws. A moment later the rat flew, morphing into something akin a stumpy feathered snake as it swooped across the stage, unhinged it's jaw and scooped up Lenny in one swallow.
The crowd screeched in terror and delight.
Of course no play ever goes perfectly.
A small, vital piece of rigging, aged and overused on the abbey's renovations, snapped, sending the great eagle, Barley Mae, and Lenny, her unfortunate prey, hurtling towards Friar Clovis' proudest pudding. There was a tremendous gasp from the audience as food and feathers splattered everywhere and a soft, pained moan from Friar Clovis himself.
Wriggling his way out of the costume, Lenny struck a magnificent pose. "I emerge from the belly of the beast! The great hero has won after all! Alas, at the cost of the feast!"
As Barley made a great show of being extremely dead, the abbeybeasts burst into cheers.
It was at this moment that Disibod struck.
Armed with a fish, the dormouse tore forwards, tackling the masked mouse off the table and sending them both rolling across the ground.
"FOOD FIGHT!" shouted all the dibbuns simultaneously and with nary a thought for Friar Clovis' hard work the beasts of Redwall Abbey lay waste to the feast.
Valentine tried to end the war, but moreso because he hated to see food wasted rather than any consideration for Clovis' feelings. "Enough! Everybeast stop! Sit down! EVERYONE STOP. SIT DOWN!"
The Abbot's orders went unheeded. Chaos reigned as the Great Hall became splattered with all manner of food and drink, the Abbeybeasts throwing themselves bodily into the fray. The Dibbuns Bittle, Burbee, and Tassie, scampered across the table, flinging meadowcream and strawberries at the elders. Bryn, the molemaid, giggled in a deep alto, trying to block Sister Lillian from pelting her with a hunk of cheese. Meanwhile, Barley was serenely making a pudding angel in the remainder of the Friar's prized dessert. Snowbelle ducked behind her harp, giggling softly at the antics. Eager to join the fray she raced towards the fighting mice, only to slip on a puddle of soup and go careening headfirst into Sister Hazelnut, who was then knocked into old Brother Taif. The ancient water vole roared out in his reedy baritone as he smashed a pie into the haughty Sister's indignant face. "Oh? Fightin' me now, eh? I'm the best pie chucker in the Abbey, yiss yiss!"
Naturally the only beasts actually fighting were me and Disibod. He smacked me with his mackerel and I parried with an oatcake as we rolled across the food-strewn floor, locked in mortal coil.
"I hope hell is kind to you, Apple!" Disibod slashed with the fish, sending Lenny's mask skittering away and knocking the mouse to the floor.
Before I could process the realization that I had been discovered, I was saved by the typical, heroic nature of goodbeasts that I so despise.
Snowbelle finally managed to get between the mice, shoving Disibod away as she stood protectively over the actor mouse. "What is the name of seasons are ye doing?!"
Instead of answering, Disibod threw a pawfull of pepper in her face.
Snowbelle promptly burst into a fit of coughing. "Brother Disibod, sir! Please, calm down!"
Before Disibod could reply that he had no interest whatsoever in calming down, he was grabbed from behind by Barley Mae. He swung the mackerel wildly, completely blinding the rat who nevertheless held firm. "Tides! I only god ode good eye!"
By now the Great Hall had managed to recover some semblance of peace (Sister Willy had managed to round up most of the dibbuns and escort them from the hall).
"What happened?" demanded the Abbot, glaring at Disibod and Lenny in turn.
Again, I was rescued by the foolhardy, heroic nature of a goodbeast.
Snowbelle pointed straight at Disibod. "I think he's having an episode! He has plenty of signs of physical and mental trauma."
Lenny couldn't resist a snide remark as, with the help of a table, he climbed to his footpaws. "I'm guessing he didn't like the play."
"Did you want me to clap, Applemums? Maybe help you into your favourite jumper the way Mummy does?" Disibod shot back.
"What are you talking about?" Lenny snapped feigning conclusion as he glared daggers at the restrained dormouse.
Most warlords don't tend to know their slaves' faces very well, so at this point in time I was under the impression I was talking to a Brother of Redwall Abbey. Only it made no sense whatsoever for him to know who I really was.
"Haaarl, are you embarrassed?" the dormouse chuckled darkly. "Stop lying and tell them the truth."
The Abbot had grown very uncomfortable by now. "Disibod, what are you talking about? Who is Harl?"
Snow's eyed widened, recognition dawning on her features. "No...I..I remember... I…I know who he speaks of."
And I was so convinced that she finally recognized me, after all I wasn't wearing my mask anymore, that I decided I'd rather let the cat out of the metaphorical bag myself.
"Fine then…" Lenny's eyes hardened. "The truth." He straightened up. Gone was Lenny's bumbling gait. Gone was the slipping and the falling and the clumsiness. He shrugged nonchalantly and grinned. "I'm here to conquer Redwall."
"Ha! It was all part of the play!" Old Brother Taif exclaimed.
Harlapple scowled, placed two fingers in his mouth and whistled sharply. A pair of barrels on the stage burst open, revealing a pair of rats.
There were cries of alarm from every corner of the Great Hall. Sister Hazelnut shrieked and shattered glass. Friar Clovis fainted. Barley Mae was a little offended.
The rats scampered over to stand besides their warlord, groaning and rubbing some feeling back into their backs. They had been cramped up in those barrels for a few days after all. "These are Dung and Durge, they followed me here on a little scouting expedition." He smiled, relishing the sudden fear and confusion. "I consider myself a fair beast. So I have outlined terms of surrender. You surrender!" Harl gestured for his accomplices to move when a sudden tugging at his clothes caused Harlapple to glance down.
It was Milo, wearing a look of confusion. "Lemmy, what's going on?"
This gave the mouse pause. He stopped and bent down to pat the young one on the head. "Dear sweet Milo. There never was a Lenny."
Snowbelle darted forwards, snatching Milo away from the warlord and staring at Harlapple with eyes filled with hatred. "Don't touch him!"
Harl frowned, his voice holding a tinge of sadness. "I see you remember me now. Bye-bye Snowball." And without a backwards glance, he got up and strode out from the hall.
Clutching Milo to her chest, Snow sank down into a chair, terror clear on her face. It felt as though the dibbun in her arms was all that cemented her to reality, as her mind threatened to shatter.
Milo gave her a hug. "It's ok, I'm sure there is some cake left for you."
The Abbot turned to Disibod. "Who in hell's teeth are you and what have you done."
Disi frowned, certain that he was probably going to get kicked out now…...
Footnote: Behold in all it's glory- the Lenny reveal! Honestly still one of my Top Ten Writing Experiences. There was just something raw and natural about *literally seeing* the reaction of the audience right as they read it that made me feel super accomplished about writing it.
Don't get me wrong- this wasn't writing of all that high a callibre or anything (which is kind of why I decided not to go for a twist with this here version of the story and instead just wrote it all from Harlapple's perspective) but it carried enough of an impact in the RP to be an Iconic moment.
For those of you who enjoy this mess of a fic- good news! I've decided to really ramp up production on this. For one thing it's old writing I'm publishing up here mostly for the sake of having it polished up and on display. There will be somewhere around 45-50 or so chapters and ideally I'll be able to get them all out to you within this year! This also means I can update on More Than Just Mondays because I have more than enough chapters to carry me through weekly updates for the rest of the year and in fact I have a rather large-ish surplus to get through at the moment!
Self-reminder to draw the Lenny shrug 'I'm here to conquer Redwall' scene.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Many more on the way!