AN: Welp, it happened. I blew the streak just before I got to two weeks. Typical. Oh well, enjoy this post to make up

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

The One With Heavy Plotting & Heavy Petting

She came back to consciousness with a lot of shouting going on around her. Was she at another orgy? Rave? High Society Society secret fuck party? Her head hurt. The shouting going on around her was not helping her with that.

"–What the fuck were you thinking?!–"

"–She threw me on her bed and started making a weird face with her tongue! Ex-fucking-scuse me for getting fucking triggered by PTSD flashbacks!–"

"–You don't hit the Boss! That's the first fucking rule–"

"Wrong, dumbass! The first fucking rule is not to kill the client! And believe me, I could've fucking killed her if I fucking wanted to!"

"Could everyone please shut the fuck up!?" Verosika snapped, her eyes opening to glare at the ones that were so loud, only to stop and hold her jaw. "OW! Fuck, my mouth! Who needs remedial in fucking hate-sex safety?!"

"The same dumbass that you insisted we hire to protect you during the Spring Break tour!" Oh, that was Tex, which meant the other one was her furry-fuckboi-for-hire. ...Did he actually kick her in the face?

"Again, she made a weird face with her tongue in my face! I have fucking issues with people who get in my face and make weird faces with their tongues wiggling about!"

"...That makes no fucking sense!"

"Yeah, well, it doesn't fucking have to!"

"Stop fucking shouting! FUCK! OW!" Verosika whimpered and cradled her jaw. An ice pack was pressed into it and–Oh, this is bliss. Cool, cool, bliss. "I dunno who's doing that, but you get free head tonight."

"Yeah, hot offer, but I'll pass, thanks. It'd be weird to get head from someone that fucked Blitzø." Deadpanned a female voice she was not intimately familiar with. Not the first time she heard that.

"Oh, are you dating him now–" Verosika turned to look at the now disgusted Hellhound that Blitzø had thrown himself at earlier. She was pretty cute, if you liked the goth girl aesthetic. And she did have a nice top.

"Ew, fuck no." Not bad taste either, but then why–? "He adopted me."

"Oh. Oh! Ew, oh, fuck, I'm so sorry." Blitzø adopted this poor child?! ...Could she sue for custody just to take that bit of joy away from him, like he did to her? Possibly. She'd have to ask Bee's team of lawyers about it once the label exchange went through.

"Whatever." The Hellhound rolled her eyes and pushed the ice pack into her face. Ahh, that's nice and cool. Okay, pressure needed to let up. Let up! Let GO! This bitch–Hello, warm breath on her ear, that's causing some distraction that's more than welcome at this point. "If you ever try to fuck my boyfriend without my okay again, I don't care how much money you have, no one will save you from my Wrath."

Wow, that's almost hot. If not for the implications that it left. Implications that meant the Virgin Demon Dick was going to be taken from Verosika...No...FUCK. NO!

"I'll pay you–!"

"I'm not his pimp – Naruto, stop fucking snarling at the meathead! You fucked up; just own it! And you, Vortex, grow the fuck up! Your 'Boss' sexually assaulted him and he defended himself!" The Hellhound bitch snapped at the two, making them stop on the spot. Which, okay, Verosika thought that was a little hot. She growled and then grabbed Verosika's hand, put it to the ice pack that was on her face. "Here, you should be fine in a few hours if you get a good fuck before you perform."

"So, then–?"

"Fuck one of your posse, they smell eager for some action." The Hellhound spat as she stood up and went to talk to the Virgin Demon who's dick was supposed to be Verosika's fucking toy tonight. They spoke too softly to be heard, but then went quiet and–Are they...are they making out? In front of her?! Fucking, seriou–No, wait. ...No, they were just-just pushing their noses together? What the fuck kind of cutesy, kinky shit–?

"Dammit." Tex growled as he collected himself. He rubbed his face with a snarl, then came over to kneel in front of Verosika and look her in the eyes. "Boss...Did you at any time ask the little bastard if he wanted to fuck?"

...Ask? Why would he ask, she was...Right, consent. She got consent, she figured she would...didn't she? Hm. Let's recap, she pulled up with the posse, got in the building to settle, came outside to grab her smokes from the car and then she ran into Blitzø–Oh, fuck her throat raw with a sandpaper cock.

God-dammit. She forgot to ask. Seeing and dealing with her ex really threw her off the plan. Then the stud was just fucking there, and she was riled up from arguing with Blitzø over that stupid fucking mistake of a relationship and she just wanted to fucking forget he existed! The Virgin Demon's dick was just the fucking thing she'd needed, so she dragged him upstairs, threw him on the bed and...And now she has a sore mouth.

"Fuck my life."

"Shit." Tex sighed and hung his head. "Alright. Here's the situation: the label already shelled out a fuckton of money to get the little asshole on payroll, so he's still probably going to be on bodyguard duty–"

"Oh, I'm totally fine with that." Verosika mumbled, eyes drifting to the Hellhound and Foxfiend as they walked out of the room, lingering on the latter. She would just have to try again, a bit more properly than she attempted before, so it wouldn't be too hard. All she had to do was get the little Hellhound bitch in line, maybe have her Crew distract her?

"Yeah, I was afraid you'd say that." Tex deadpanned. "You and the crew will not approach him during this tour."

"...The fuck did you just say to me?" Verosika scowled. He couldn't seriously be suggesting they leave that fine piece of Virgin ass untapped! She'd been waiting literal months for this kind of opportunity!

"Boss," Tex glared at her. "My job is to protect you, right?"

"And you're doing great!" What happened was her own fault, she's not denying it, but if she couldn't fix it, she couldn't fuck the source of the problem stupid!

"Obviously. Look, if you try that shit again and I'm there, I'm obligated to step in. Not just because of the stacks you throw my way, but because of what I am. To be fucking honest, I don't want to have to do that. You saw Bee's place after they got in a fight." He gave her a pointed look and Verosika winced. Yeah, she'd never seen Bee-Lzebub's manor trashed like that, even after a three-day nonstop Beezlejuice Bender. "That little shithead wasn't exaggerating; if he wanted you dead? You're fucking dead. He isn't just a Duke of Gluttony because Bee took him in, do you understand?"

"That part yes," Verosika said, scowl still in place. "The part where you think I can't seduce him–?"

"It's not that I don't think you can't, it's more like I don't think you'll try; You didn't even last thirty minutes without trying to jump his dick! What the fuck, the only time I've ever seen you that bad was when you blacked out this past January!" Tex growled. He pinched the space between his eyes. "Just...What the fuck, Boss? What happened?"

"I'll explain in depth once my mouth stops hurting." Verosika groaned and rubbed the ice pack against her face. Bee's baby bro had a killer right kick. Maybe he watched hardcore BDSM in his spare time?

"Fine. Stay put and I'll send the Crew up. Let you guys do ..whatever it is you do, to fix that before the show." Oh, all he had to do was ask to join in. She knew he wouldn't, though. "I'm going to get the troublemaker and Loona squared away; they can have one of the guest suites."

That was fine, Verosika could keep an eye out for an opening, and then when Tex wasn't looking—

"If you try anything when I'm not around, and I hear about it, and I will, I'll be forced to tell Bee about this."

"You fucking Nark!" Verosika scowled at him. She knew exactly what side Bee would take after this exchange. She'd been warned by the Sin to leave him be and she didn't listen. That could end her career, if not her life.

"I'm only acting in your best interest, Boss." Tex rumbled before he walked out of the room. Verosika scowled at his exit and winced as it aggravated her jaw. Fuck, the little cutie had a powerful leg.

Dammit, that just makes me want his dick even more.

A shriek from her phone had her pull it out. The crew was giving her a heads up that—oh fuck her life hard.

"This fucking day can't get worse."

They followed Vortex to their actual place of stay for the duration of their time as Mayday's bodyguards. He kept the whole occasion professional, distant and guarded - which, fair; his boss was just kicked in the face by one of the temp hires - but got them settled in record time. Before he left, he told them they left in a few hours to set up. With that done, the Foxfiend collapsed back-first on the bed with an arm over his face, and the Hellhound stood over him with her arms crossed.

"So, are we just going to pretend that didn't happen?" Loona asked. Her tail flicked and her hackles rose when the ass in front of her just held one claw up. "Are you being fucking serious-?"

"Blitzø just challenged Verosika to a Demon Duel."

"I'm sorry, fucking what?!" Loona let her arms fall as her ears shot up. Demon Duels were empowered challenges overseen by Lucifer himself.

"Yeah." He sighed and then started to snicker. "Holy fuck, it's-it's over the fucking parking spot!"

Loona worked her jaw once, twice, before groaning into her hands.

"He's such an—ugh!" She growled, turned and slashed at the wall with a snarl. Then stopped, the outburst gifted her a moment of clarity. She looked at the Foxfiend over her shoulder. "How did you fucking know that?"

"Clone disguised as a fly following Verosika just dispelled." He lowered his arm, twinkling blue eyes aimed her way. His stupid cute little grin plastered on his face. "I'm very good at what I do when I'm being paid to do it."

"I'll pay-!"

Nope. That couldn't happen. Not when she had a claim to make. And even if they were in the midst of a fight– His tail wriggled, and she realized she'd been caught staring at him. That grin of his was just a smidge wider. Oh! Oh, he thinks he's hot shit, does he?

She crawled onto the bed, positioned herself over him again – not unlike she had on their date; not lying on him, but hovering over – and glared down at the slightly less wide grin he now sported. She leaned in, close, a hair's breadth from a Boop – Can't yet, not yet. Hold strong, girl – and growled at him again.

"You owe me two favors."

"I do."

"First one," she inched her nose closer to his. Mm, fuck, his breath smelled good—focus, Loona. Eyes on the prize. "Teach me the clone thing."

"Can't promise you'll get it, but I'll try." What!? She glared at him and he shrugged. "Bee can't figure it out; I'm all for helping you get it if you can, but I'm not a great teacher."

Ugh, whatever. She felt his tail wriggle into her leg. Okay, no. He was not allowed to find amusement right now. In quick succession, she lifted her knee when it danced away and dropped down atop of it, to pin it to the bed. His eyes shut as he snarled.

"Ow! What the fuck, Loo—?!"

Now!

Her claws dug into his shoulders. His chest Rumbled, the vibration started to shake the bed, and his blue eyes blazed as they met her red. She felt her tail wag as his hands found her hips and his claws returned the favor. The snarl that almost followed was silenced as she finally pressed her nose to his.

Boop.

She felt his tail struggle to wriggle beneath her knee and she grinned against his muzzle.

"This." Loona nipped his lip and shifted her knee to put more pressure on his tail. Her claws pierced the fabric of his jacket and dug into the skin beneath. The hiss he released sent an electric tingle up her spine. "Is mine. All of it. From the stupid head to the fucking toe. Mine. Understood?"

"Fuck, fine! Yes!" He growled back at her. "Will you please get off of my tail, now?"

"So, long as we're clear." Loona smirked and let The Wriggler go loose. She scowled down at him. "You owed me two favors."

"Yes, we've established that." Naruto grumbled. He shifted his shoulders and she tightened her grip on them. Where did he think he was going? "Guess I'm not done on the bottom yet?"

"Not by a fucking long shot." Loona snorted and pecked the Foxfiend on the lips. "Your second favor...take me out when we go topside."

"...You don't want to run security for a succubus' pop concert?"

"The same succubus that tried to force herself on you? No, I'm fucking good without that."

"Alright." He caught her off guard with a kiss. Damn him and his very delicious lips. When they broke apart, she glared down at him. Who the fuck did he think he was–Oh, oh shit, that's a spot. That's a spot on her side she doesn't let anyone touch because it's sen-si-tive! FUCK.

He flipped them in her moment of weakness, the fucking cheater–Oh shit, he's still scratching it! That had to stop right now! Otherwise, otherwise – Don't! Don't stop. Fuck, that feels so good – No! She had a plan! She had to – had to make sure he – Wait, did he stop? Who told him to stop?! She was right fucking there, he didn't have to stop!

"Who told you to stop?!" She glared at him, huffing in an effort to catch her breath. Fuck him and his stupid giant blue eyes! He should be getting her across the fuckin–

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean wh–?"

"What you said to Verosika." Who? Oh, right, that bitch. The famous bitch her boyfriend knew. The famous bitch her boyfriend knew that tried to rape him. "Did you mean it?"

"What did I say to her?" She'll say it again if it means he just fucking finishes what he started!

"Uh...You called me your boyfriend?"

Loona stared at him. He...Was he–? Fuck, he was serious. He, he just edged her to find out–? ...Loona grabbed his face, claws tight on his head and a glare aimed into his eyes. She snarled as his ears folded back.

"Are you seriously asking me that right fucking now!?"

"Um." He blinked, looked around as if anything would fucking save him, and then gave her the weakest fucking smile she'd ever seen. "...Yes?"

Loona snarled again and then mashed her mouth to his. Her claws combed and cut into the mane that sprouted from his head, while her legs snapped up and wrapped around his waist. With the unbalancing weight she'd added to his position, she was once more able to reclaim the top. As soon as the kiss was done, she nipped and then bit onto his cheek, then she pushed him into the bed. Lips curled and eyes blazing, she forced a Boop.

"You're a fucking idiot!"

"...So, that's a yes?"

"A. Fucking. Idiot." She reiterated around a third snarl. "Yes! You're my boyfriend. I'm your girlfriend. There, fucking official. " One of her claws grabbed his wrist and put it back to her side. Goddamn, his hands were so fucking warm! "Now, finish what you started, Asshole!"

"...R-right–!"

The door opened and one of the succubus sluts from downstairs walked in. Tall. Thin. Female. Pretty, but so very much not welcome right now.

"Hey, just wanted to let you know we're planning to head up in a ho–Oh." She blinked and then grinned as she leaned on the door. She bit her lip. "So, I know you're both new, but there's this requirement that comes with working with Verosika–"

"I will rip out your trachea, shove it up your cunt, and force you to ride on a fucking cactus!" Loona snarled. She made to make good on her threat, to eradicate this fucking cum-sucker from the fires of Hell, when the blissful scratching started again. Oh, yes...So good...right there...

"If I were you, I would leave." Huh, wonder who he was talking to–Ooh, that's a sweet spot! Yes! Yes, right there. Fuck, she was so dying in bliss. A pressure that'd built up throughout this entire conversation suddenly burst when her boyfriend let out one of his growls. "NOW!"

The door slammed shut just as Loona howled. Her vision tinged with white and her tail stilled as her leg involuntarily kicked the air. For a solid minute, the hot sensation shook her body until it tapered to an end. She panted as she curled up in her boyfriend's arms, took deep whiffs of his amazing violet and coconut scent.

"...I didn't know Hellhounds could cum from that." He muttered. Loona blindly reached up once, missed her target, and then snagged his snout. She directed him to look her in the eye and curled her lip.

"And no one will ever learn it from you. Right?" It was a well kept Hellhound secret. She was not going to be the one that blew it. She hummed when he nodded and nuzzled his face. "Good boy. How much longer until we have to leave?"

"Uh...fifty minutes?"

"Good." Loona smirked and nipped his lip. She felt a pressure on her leg and had a good idea what it was. Her claws reached down through the collar of his shirt and she cooed as he Rumbled again. "That gives us forty-five minutes."

AN: Short interlewd. Sorry. I fucking hate Tuesdays.

Back to our regularly lengthed programming tomorrow.

And remember, kids, it's just fucking Fan-Fiction.