Chapter 18

"If Only"

Was this really happening to me? It seems as if every single terrible thing that these guys have done had disappeared from my memory. All I could think about was how much I had loved Phil back in high school and how perfect things were. Now he was trying to make up for what he had done.

But something wasn't right. Maybe if I was in the right state of mind, I could see past the illusions and false hopes. I would've noticed Punk's consistent clock checking as time moved closer and closer to midnight. I would've felt Bryce's gaze burning into my back.

I glanced over at Kaitlyn and saw her lounging in Jax's lap, admiring her ruby necklace. She caught my glance and knew that I was asking her what I should do. Of course, the beauty of the evening fucked with her head too, so she really wasn't all that much help. She smiled and nodded her head eagerly, practically telling me that I'd be stupid to not take the offer. I turned back to Punk, who seemed to be getting more anxious by the minute.

"Yes," I said with a smile, feeling just as happy as I did the first time he asked me out, "I'll be your girlfriend."

The clock ticked midnight. Something seemed different. His innocent, honest smile flickered dark and evil. "I thought you'd never answer," he complained.

"Well…you can't blame me, I mean things between us have been kind of…bad," I mumbled.

"Aw, I'm sorry AJ have I not pleased you enough?"

"You raped and hurt me way too many times," I said staring down at the ground.

He shrugged, "Not everything in life is easy. But I do have some good news for you." He leaned forward and within the blink of an eye, he leaped forward and tackled me to the ground, pinning down my arms. "You may have just made one of the biggest mistakes of your life."

Confusion overtook my expression as I felt my heart sink in my chest. It was all an act. "How the hell is that a good thing?" I asked, struggling beneath him.

"Oh, good point. I'm sorry I meant good for me. Wanna know why?"

"What do you think?" I snarled, causing him to smile, knowing that this was all starting to catch up with me.

He pulled my wrists closer together so that he could hold them with one hand. He used his free hand to trace down my chest until he reached my stomach. "Now that you agreed to being my girlfriend, you better hope that this baby in here is mine or else you'll be in for quite an unpleasant surprise."

My eyes widened…how did he know about that already? And more importantly, I had sex with two guys. Either one of them could be the father. "Yeah, well we'll see about that," I dumbly said, not really able to think of anything better.

All eyes in the room were glued to me. Guess everyone knows the "big secret" now.

Kaitlyn pushed herself off Jax's lap and came to sit down by me. "Are….. are you really pregnant?" she whispered.

I nodded, "And to make it worse…both Bryce and him raped me at once. I have no clue whose baby it is!"

"This is terrible…and fucked up. How can he change so quickly, right at midnight? Is he like a werewolf or something?" she said while hugging me tightly.

"I don't know, but one thing's for sure…we've gotta get out of here."

"Are you two done yet? We've got some business to attend to," Jax said standing up and towering over us.

"Not just yet. How about you cock suckers tell us what just happened? Do you all have some sort of mental/emotional disease or something?" Kaitlyn asked, glaring defiantly at everyone in the room.

"You seemed to have changed a bit yourself just now," Seth laughed. "What happened to sweet little Kaitlyn when she got her necklace?"

"What happened to sweet little Seth wearing an apron and cooking in the kitchen," she retorted.

"Look, clearly this is getting nowhere so I guess I'll be the mature one and explain what happened," Corey said, annoyed, "Christmas is a holiday for togetherness and happiness. We may be incredibly evil to you guys, but we do have a heart believe it or not."

Kaitlyn and I just stared at them as if that was the stupidest thing we'd ever heard. "If you guys can act so human for one day, then why don't you challenge yourself and do it everyday?" Kaitlyn mocked.

"Because being evil is just too much fun. Plus, we're too far gone," Corey replied.

"Speaking of which," Jax said reaching down for Kaitlyn's arm, "I believe you and I have some business to attend to."

He dragged her out of the room, purposely squeezing down hard on the burn mark on her wrist. I couldn't really bare to watch. Wherever he was taking her to, it wasn't going to be good.

-Corey Graves-

Why couldn't we be normal everyday? I hated to admit it…but Kaitlyn made a valid point. We've become such heartless killers that I really meant it when I said we're too far gone. And yet I still have feelings for Kiara… feelings that I haven't felt in the longest time.

It's freezing outside and I'm sure that there haven't been too many cars driving down the path I sent her down. I should go out there and find her. The guys weren't too pissed when they found out that she got away.

"It's below 30 degrees out there," Jax shrugged, "Mother Nature will kill her before we'll have to."

I need to go find her. I can't bring her back here… but she definitely can't stay out there.

"I need to get some fresh air," I mumbled, getting up from the massive pile of cheery Christmas wrapping paper around me and heading for the garage. Nobody asked any questions.

The snow had let up for a bit, but the road I was driving down hadn't been plowed yet. I had the brights on, but still there was no sign of Kiara. After that whole freezer incident, I'm sure her body is going to be hurt in some way from even more exposure to cold temperatures.

As I continued driving, I noticed a large bump in the road. It was like a mini hill of snow. Could that be her? I put the car in park and ran out to examine. I pushed some of the snow aside and found Kiara's body, curled tightly together in the fetal position, with her eyes closed.

"God damn it, why am I so stupid?" I muttered as I lifted her up and set her in the passenger seat of the car.

I sped off down the road, not caring whether it was icy or not, as I headed for the hospital. I'm not going to let her die on me, not when she could be my last hope for redemption.

-AJ Lee-

After Jax took Kaitlyn away, I was left alone with Bryce, Jimmy, and Punk. Seth left to go watch porn or something in the other room. He was kind enough to have it on maximum volume so that the whole house could hear. It didn't help the situation very much.

I picked up the discarded picture frame next to me. What the hell happened? In a matter of minutes life seemed to take a 180 turn back and forth between reality and some other alternate reality. I feel as if what happened on Christmas was some sort of sick reminder of what we all could've been. It showed me what I had caused.

Punk walked over and pulled the frame from my hands. "I'll go put this up in our room. So we can see it every night before we go to bed," he laughed as he walked up the stairs with the frame. That is the last thing I want to see before I go to sleep.

Soon, Jimmy left the room as well, probably to go to bed, since it was already like 1 AM; this left Bryce and I alone in the room. Something has been on his mind all day, and I take it this will probably be my only chance to find out.

"Why don't you just spit it out already?" I asked vaguely, staring out into space.

He walked over and sat closer to me. "What are you talking about?"

"All day today, your expression suggests you've been in deep thought. Anything specific?"

He paused for a while, unsure as to whether or not he should tell me. "If you really must know. I think I like you, for real, AJ…"

-Kiara Carson-

Cold. Why was everything always so damn cold? I felt someone lift me up. Maybe I'm dead. Maybe my soul is being taken up to heaven. All I have to say is that it better be warm up there. But as soon as I was lifted up, I was placed back down. I felt movement and could hear the faint sound of a radio playing.

There was a dramatic difference in the lighting…from black to white. Several voices could be heard now, mostly the sound of worried females.

"We need a doctor now!" a guy shouted…funny, he almost sounded like Corey. Once again,

I was set down and being moved. The voices followed me. Someone else's hand held onto mine. A new voice entered the picture. "Hello, I'm Doctor Haymen. What do we have here?" he spoke strictly and urgently with quite a bit of concern.

"I found her on the side of the road. She was buried under a pile of snow. She's freezing and won't stop shaking. Please, you have to help her!"

"We'll do the best we can. First we need to warm her up so she doesn't suffer from hypothermia."

For the final time, I was laid down on a comfy bed and layers of blankets were thrown on top of me. A warm compress was placed on my forehead. The newfound heat was overwhelming.

My eyes blinked slowly a few times as my sight registered. I was in a hospital room. Corey was merely inches from my face with the biggest look of worry and concern I'd ever seen. When our eyes met, a small smile formed on his face. He squeezed my hand a little tighter.

Corey Graves saved my life.

If only I had known what was about to happen back at the house… if only I'd known what was about to happen to Kaitlyn. Then maybe I would've been able to sacrifice myself for her.

She's the one that was about to need a savior now.