A/N: And here we are with the next chapter, thankfully having come much sooner than the last one, if still a lot later than I'd have liked. And this should be a fun one for you all, too.
Not much more to say beyond that, beyond the usual well wishes and hopes that everyone is taking care of themselves out there. Read on!
Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: The Invaders' tournament was carried out, with Zim easily earning victory after victory, all while Team Save Earth and the Resisty infiltrated the grounds in an attempt to undermine the Irkens. However, the NIO cells led by Bob ended up ruining everyone else's plans with an open attack; by the time it was done, with minimal loyalist casualties, the tournament's grand prize was in the hands of Commander Wiyn, who was tasked with hunting down the Resisty, who were given blame for the attack by the Tallest attempting to save face.
But those are worries for another day. For now, Zim, Tak, and Dib's teams have returned to Earth and their regularly scheduled conflict…
Disclaimer: I don't control the vertical or the horizontal, and no matter how I adjust my set, I'll never own Invader Zim. Just the OCs and the plot.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
The New Adventures of Invader Zim
Season 2
Episode 12: Channel Surfing
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
As night fell over Doomsville, most people made their way to their homes, ready to retire to meals and nights in front of the television, and relax away from the stresses of the day. But unbeknownst to most of them as they blindly went about their routine, someone else was still very much hard at work, much to the intended detriment of everyone in the city. And it was all happening atop of a television studio building in the city center.
"Yes, this will be my most brilliant plan to date!" Zim cackled as he stood amongst the tangle of cables and machinery now connected to the roof's collection of transmission towers and satellite dishes.
"What about the Big Plan?" Skoodge asked as he hooked up several cables.
"I said 'to date'! Ones still in the planning phase don't count!" Zim snapped, slapping Skoodge upside the head.
"Makes sense to me," Nyx said with a shrug as she and Ying stood next to the main component of the machine they were building. It was a large donut-shaped tube of a glass-like material that was pulsing with a rainbow of light, which was traveling down the cables attaching it to the already present human tech.
"Anyway, as I was saying, this is my most brilliant plan yet and will bring me ever closer to conquering this filthy planet," Zim crowed, only for his evil laughter to be drowned out by more genuine laughter nearby. Frowning at this, he turned to its source and was unsurprised to see GIR sitting in front of one of the monitors hooked up to the rest of the equipment. But whereas the others were displaying power levels and other such data, this one was showing the familiar image of the Scary Monkey Show, the titular monkey glaring at the camera and breathing heavily.
"Heeheehee!" GIR giggled, squeezing Minimoose like a plushy, the sentient weapon evidently not bothered by the action, "I love this show!"
"That horrible monkey," Zim grumbled, before marching over to the robots, "GIR, stop watching that, and-"
"Shh!" GIR hushed his master, holding up a finger in his direction without looking at him, "This is my favorite part!"
"It's all the same part! That filthy primate does nothing but stare at the screen without doing anything!" Zim snapped, "And Minimoose, I expected better of you!"
"Nyah!"
"There are no deep philosophical meanings to this dribble for you to contemplate!" Zim growled, before taking a deep breath and rubbing his face, "Just get back to work and get everything hooked up. It would be nice if, for once, we could enact a plan before the Dib-Human or that wretch Tak shows up to interfere with it!"
"Too late," Tak's deadpan voice called out. Zim's group all jumped in surprise and spun around to find Tak, Tenn, and MIMI standing perched on the ledge of the roof.
"Irk damn it! How did you find out about my brilliant scheme so quickly!" Zim snarled. In response, Tak gave him a flat look and pointed behind her, where the Deelishus Weenie building could be seen only a few blocks away.
"If you're going to try and carry out a plan without us knowing, might I suggest you set it up someplace we can't see by randomly glancing out the window?" Tenn commented dryly.
"Wow, how'd we miss that?" Skoodge asked, staring in disbelief.
"Why didn't any of you scout out this location to check if it was safe?!" Zim demanded, glaring at his minions.
"Sir, I feel obligated to point out that you only informed us that we were coming here an hour ago, before shoving us all out the door," Ying commented.
"Silence!"
"Normally, I wouldn't particularly care about whatever idiotic plan you're concocting," Tak said, cutting into the conversation, "But considering you're powering it with a quantum subspace generator, I'm understandably wary of letting you get whatever it is underway."
"Ha! Of course you'd be too stupid to figure out Zim's brilliant plan!" Zim sneered, "Now you'll have no choice but to watch as I hijack the humans' television waves to send out a mind control signal to all the city's dogs!"
"…What?" Tak asked flatly, while Tenn narrowed an eye at him.
"That's right, I'll turn the humans' own filthy pets into my slaves and turn them against them, and destroy them from within!" Zim said with a cackle.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Tenn said, "Why not just control the humans directly?"
"Well, while Zim will greatly enjoy the day all humans are my slaves, I don't want them brainwashed into fawning over me," Zim sneered, "I learned my lesson from those idiotic UFO humans."
"Oh, right, those guys," Skoodge said, scratching the side of his head, "Hey, you think they're still worshipping Phil?"
"Who cares?" Zim scoffed, "As long as they're staying far away from me, I don't care if they're worshipping the wolf beast, a rock shaped like a face, or Dib's big head!"
"My head's not big!"
The Irkens all froze, then slowly turned to face the transmission towers, where they were greeted by the sight of Team Save Earth doing a poor job of hiding among the Irken tech hooked up to them. Dib had slapped a hand over his mouth, while the twins were giving him deadpan looks.
"Dude, seriously?" Steve asked flatly.
"It's a knee-jerk reaction, I can't help it!" Dib protested.
"Hey, how long have you been there?" Nyx demanded.
"Long enough to have gotten concerned by Zim's plan, only to then be very relieved to find out how stupid it is," Viera said with a shrug, which earned her a glare from Zim.
"Shut your mouth-tube, Girl Not-Dib!" he snarled, "In fact, enough talking from everyone, and just kill these nuisances already!"
"Okay!" Nyx said happily, before whipping out her minigun and letting rip with it. Tak and Tenn leapt into the air to dodge, MIMI zooming under the plasma fire, while the humans ducked for cover behind the equipment.
"Isn't this risking blowing up everything before we can even use it?" Skoodge asked, watching their enemies scatter from Nyx's random attacks.
"We'll just rebuild it afterwards," Zim replied with a shrug, before deploying his PAK legs and leaping towards Tak, who brought out her own to block him, the two quickly falling into a duel. Tenn, meanwhile, tried to close in on Nyx from behind, only for Ying to switch into Battle Mode and intercept her, quickly driving her back. Skoodge watched all this, only to yelp as MIMI suddenly popped in from nowhere and grabbed him, proceeding to slam him into the rooftop over and over.
GIR, meanwhile, was still watching the Scary Monkey, oblivious to everything happening around him.
"Any chance we can just let them shoot each other and call it a night?" Viera asked as the satellite dish they were covering behind was peppered with plasma.
"I'm all for that, especially considering this is hardly an actually dangerous plan we're interrupting," Steve said, wincing as a piece of the dish near him was vaporized.
"Even if it is a stupid plan, I'm not risking Zim managing to pull it off," Dib stated, "I kinda doubt he'd manage to do anything too serious with brainwashed dogs, but I'm not taking that chance."
"So, does that mean you have a plan? Cause we're running out of cover here," Steve said nervously, looking to where much of the equipment they were hiding behind was rapidly disappearing under Nyx's constant fire.
"I'll take the attack with my gauntlets and grab her focus, then you guys hit her from the sides," Dib said, thinking quickly. The twins nodded in acknowledgement, and after a moment to brace themselves, the group sprang into action.
Dib leapt over the disintegrating equipment, gauntleted hands brought together to shield himself, the stream of plasma from Nyx's minigun splashing over the gauntlets and being absorbed into their channeling nodes. Seeing this, Nyx cursed and cut off the attack, only to then yelp and jump back as Steve and Viera opened fire with their own weapons, nearly catching her in the crossfire.
Now with breathing room, the human trio took in the fight continuing to unfold around them. Tak and Zim were grappling near the ledge of the roof and seemingly blindly focused on their fight, Skoodge had slipped free of MIMI but was now running from her as she chased him around the roof, and Tenn's focus was solely occupied by trying to get past Ying, who was giving her no ground.
Nyx tried to take advantage of their momentary distraction to rush the humans, only for Dib to see her coming and thrust his gauntlets at her, unleashing a wave of plasma that sent her scurrying for cover.
"We're not going to have much time before someone else besides her starts focusing on us instead of each other," Dib said.
"Well, when in doubt, just go for the simplest solution," Viera commented, "We blow up Zim's equipment, that ends this particular threat, then we get out of here."
"Works for me," Steve said, firing a few quick shots at where Nyx was peering out from behind the transmission tower she was hiding behind, driving her back before she could try anything. Taking advantage of the opening this provided, they rushed towards the generator sitting at the center of Zim's equipment setup. The renegade Irken himself, while trying to avoid getting knocked off the roof by Tak, noticed this when dodging a punch had him incidentally looking in their direction, and his eyes widened as he realized what they were trying to do.
"No, don't!" he yelled, but it was too late, and he could only watch as the humans launched their attacks at the generator. The plasma and fire slammed into it, the material it was made of warping under the intense heat and beginning to crack within seconds. As the attack tapered off, it was clear that the damage had been done, as a spiderweb of cracks had consumed the side of the generator the humans had been facing, and were rapidly spreading across the rest of the device.
"Do you morons realize what you just did?!" Tak exclaimed, glaring at the humans.
"Yeah, destroyed the power source for Zim's plan. Figured you'd be happy about that," Steve noted with a raised eyebrow.
"Not if it involves creating a quantum subspace rupture!"
"Uh…"
"Short version, remember that time we all got sent into that alternate universe? Specifically how it happened?" Tenn asked, as she and the other Irkens began rapidly backing away from the cracking generator, streams of multicolored light beginning to pour out of the cracks.
The humans' eyes widened as they caught on to what Tenn was saying, and they turned to run for cover at the same moment the Irkens did-
BOOM
-which was the same moment that the generator finally burst in a technicolor explosion. Though rather than a fireball spreading outwards, this explosion soon shifted upwards to take on the form of a mini-tornado made of light, hovering over the roof. As energy crackled across Zim's equipment and the various screens began flashing through test patterns, the Irkens and humans scrambled to grab ahold of anything that could secure them in place. Unfortunately, the suction was too great, and they were all soon dragged into the vortex, screaming in terror — except for GIR, of course, whose attention had stayed on his screen even when it had lost its image, and whose response to being dragged off his spot was to laugh maniacally.
All of this took mere moments, and almost as soon as the roof was cleared of people, the vortex collapsed in on itself. Soon it had vanished from sight, leaving no evidence it had ever existed except for a large scorch mark where the generator had been. As for the screens, they had all gone to static, which for a few minutes were the only sound on the roof. Then they flickered back to life, and began displaying images that would have been quite surprising if anyone had been watching the sequence of events that had just played out…
Somewhere Else, Soon After
Dib groaned as he slowly regained consciousness. He felt like his whole body had been squeezed through a half-mile of inch-wide pipe, and his head in particular felt like someone was taking a jackhammer to it from the inside out. And oddly, there was a weird feeling of static electricity all over him.
Honestly, he'd walked away from fights with Zim feeling a lot worse, all things considered.
"Dib? Dib, wake up! We have a major problem!" Steve's voice reached through the haze in Dib's mind, managing to finish the process of waking him up. Forcing his eyes open, he was greeted by the sight of the twins looking down at him in concern… but, something wasn't right, causing Dib to frown in confusion as he tried to process what it was. Blinking to try and clear his vision, it finally clicked what was wrong — his friends were now both completely lacking in color, their bodies and clothes now all various shades of black, white, and grey.
"What the hell?!" he exclaimed in shock, jumping to his feet and looking around to make sure he wasn't imagining things. But no, everything the area he and the twins were in — which appeared to be a park, though not one he recognized — was all in various shades of the same sepia tones that Steve and Viera were in, as was Dib himself, he belatedly realized as he looked down at himself.
"Yeah, that was our reaction too, when we woke up a few minutes ago," Viera said, glancing down at her hands, "Admittedly not the weirdest thing that's ever happened to us, but definitely up there."
"Okay, so that quantum thing blowing up obviously did this, but what exactly did it do?" Dib thought out loud, "And where are we? Or the Irkens, for that matter?"
"WHAT IS THIS?!"
"Well, that answers that last question," Steve said, rubbing his suddenly ringing ear as the three looked in the direction of Zim's yell, finding his and Tak's groups standing nearby, looking just as confused as the humans were.
"Where are we, and why am I seeing everything like a filthy Earth canine?!" Zim exclaimed, angrily tapping at his eyes.
"So you're seeing in black and white too? I thought it was just something wrong with my ocular implants," Tenn said, looking around in confusion.
"According to my scans of both everyone present and our surroundings, there is nothing wrong with anyone's vision," Ying stated, "It would appear that this place is somehow totally lacking in light in the visible colored spectrum."
"How's that possible?" Dib asked, catching the Irkens' attention and earning a glare from Tak.
"It's possible when nitwits like you lot blow up something you don't understand and tear open the fabric of reality, sending us into another dimension! Again!" she snarled.
"Okay, let's just calm down," Skoodge said, trying to ward off a pointless fight, "We just need to figure out how to… uh… are you guys seeing this?"
Everyone blinked at Skoodge's sudden confused change of tone, turning to see what had caught his attention. What greeted them was the sight of a city with skyscrapers of an architectural design that seemed at least half a century out of date, though it was a little hard to tell, what with the fact that most of them were on fire, the flames just as sepia-toned as everything else. But what was really eye-catching was the fact that numerous flying saucers were floating about in the air… though honestly, they looked less like spaceships and more like someone had tied Christmas lights around porcelain plates, with large old-fashioned flashlights strapped to their bottoms. And one more detail that was particularly flabbergasting to the onlookers.
"Are those ships being held up by wires?" Nyx asked incredulously, squinting in confusion at the quite visible wires rising up from the "ships" and vanishing out of sight somewhere in the sky.
"What the…? This looks like something out of some cheesy old movie!" Viera said in disbelief, while her brother's eyes narrowed in thought. There was something oddly familiar about this, that he couldn't quite put his finger on.
BANGBANGBANGBANG
Then the sound of rapid-fire gunshots brought the group's attention to the other side of the park, in time to watch as several soldiers ran into sight from behind a group of trees, pausing to shoot at something back in the direction they'd just come from.
"Keep shooting, men! We can't let these vile invaders take one more step of glorious American soil!" the sergeant leading the squad declared in an oddly stilted tone of voice.
"Eh? What invaders? Who dares try to conquer Earth before Zim?!" Zim screamed angrily.
"Nyah!" Minimoose squeaked from where he was floating over GIR's head, the SIR giggling nonsensically about looking like static.
"I don't care if it's not our dimension, it's the principle of the thing!" Zim protested, earning eye rolls from everyone present. Before anyone could comment on it, however, the bushes that the soldiers were firing into swayed as whatever they were shooting at emerged into sight. To the onlookers' continued befuddlement, it was a group of what appeared to be people in cheap robot costumes composed of plastic panels strapped to their limbs and chests, helmets made of what looked like trashcans with eyeholes cut into them, and large flashlights like the ones attached to the flying saucers similarly attached to their arms.
"Annihilate," one of the faux-robots said in a forcibly high-pitched voice, as he and the others raised their flashlights to aim them at the soldiers. The lights flashed on and off rapidly, but didn't seem to actually do anything… and yet despite that, the soldiers all started spasming dramatically.
"Gah! Argh! Ahh!" they all cried out in a rather melodramatic fashion, dropping their rifles and flailing about before dropping to the ground in a way that seemed a lot more like they were intentionally lying down.
Everyone stared at this whole display in utter bewilderment, until Steve's eyes widened in realization.
"Holy crap, I recognize this!" he exclaimed, "This is Invasion of the Death Robots From Mars!"
"Eh? What are you talking about, Not-Dib?" Zim sneered as everyone turned to Steve, "Zim has been to Mars. The natives didn't look anything like this!"
"They're not actually Martians, it's the name of a cheesy sci-fi B-movie from the '50s," Steve explained, waving a hand to take in their surroundings, "All of this — the costumes, the bad acting, the terrible special effects, the fact that we're in black and white — it looks like we're actually inside the movie!"
"How could that… wait, that quantum thing was plugged into the TV transmissions when it blew up. Could that have caused this somehow?" Dib mused, asking the last question to the Irkens.
"Possibly. Quantum energy is unpredictable at best, so one can never tell what it's going to do if you lose control of it," Tenn explained, before scowling at Zim, "Which is exactly why no one with at least half a brain messes around with it!"
"Bah, you're just jealous you didn't think of it first," Zim scoffed. And before anyone could even try and retort to that ludicrous statement, the "Martians" suddenly turned and faced them.
"New targets identified. Annihilate," the lead fake robot said as he and his compatriots aimed their flashlights at the group. The group tensed as the lights flashed as they had when used on the soldiers, but after a moment, nothing happened.
"…Was that supposed to do something?" Dib asked after an almost awkward moment of silence.
"Alert! Targets are immune to death rays!" the lead "Martian" said in a raised monotone that was probably meant to be a yell, as he and the others waved their arms around wildly.
"What death ray? You just flicked flashlights at us! This is a death ray!" Tak snapped in annoyance, PAK legs popping out and firing at the faux-robots. To everyone's surprise, when the bursts of plasma hit the "Martians", they burst apart into smoldering piles of metal.
"What the…? I thought we were in a movie! Shouldn't they just be actors in costumes?" Viera asked, blinking in confusion.
"Well, if we really are inside the movie, that means we're in a reality where its events are real," Steve mused.
"Complete with the terrible effects?" Viera pointed out, gesturing to the wires suspending the UFOs, "You're the science guy. Shouldn't you be pointing out how this all makes no logical sense?"
"I'm also the guy who's watched enough movies to have seen this kind of plot play out more than once, so it's not that weird for me," Steve pointed out, "Plus, you know, multiverse theory says that there's literally a universe for everything, so when you think about it-"
"Enough of this prattling!" Zim shouted, cutting Steve off, "Zim has more important things to do than wander around inside terrible human entertainment! How do we escape from this quantum-whatever-thingy?!"
"Well, if the rupture dropped us in here, there should be a way out," Tenn stated, a scanner device on a robot arm popping out of her PAK. She waved it around for a few moments before it pinged as it was aimed off into the foliage covering the far end of the park. The group took that as their cue, and walked in that direction for several minutes, soon passing through the bushes and emerging into another clearing to be greeted by the sight of a tear in the air, glowing a bright blue in the only color in this movie reality.
"There we go, our ticket out of here," Tenn said, putting away the scanner as they approached the tear, "With any luck, it'll stay open long enough for all of us to get through."
"Wait, there's a chance that it won't?" Skoodge asked nervously.
"A small chance, admittedly," Tenn replied with a shrug, "Given how unstable this thing is, there's still a significant probability that it will collapse as someone goes through it."
"…So what you're basically saying is, we probably don't want to be the last people through this thing?" Dib clarified worriedly.
There was a moment of tense silence as everyone processed what had just been said. And then suddenly everyone's weapons were out and pointed at each other, the three groups all glaring at each other.
"Any chance we can just talk this out? I kinda feel like we have more important things to worry about," Skoodge said, being the only one who appeared hesitant to start another fight.
"There is nothing to talk about," Zim sneered, "Zim is not risking being trapped in this ridiculous movie thing! So I will be going through first, then my minions, and then if it stays open, the rest of you worthless dookie-stains can follow!"
"As if I'm risking getting stuck here while letting you escape," Tak scoffed.
"Ditto from us," Dib added.
Everyone tensed, weapons crackling as energy built up, ready to be released… and then, before anyone could do anything, triumphant music suddenly filled the air. Everyone blinked and looked around for its source, temporarily forgetting about the fight they were about to get into a moment ago. Looking back towards the city, they watched as a group of helicopters emerged from behind the buildings in what was probably meant to be a dramatic swoop, though since they were also being held up by wires, it looked rather ridiculous.
Also, for some reason there was a giant mirror being held suspended by wires underneath them. Unlike the ones holding up the helicopters, these appeared to be meant to be seen, suggesting that the helicopters were actually meant to be carrying it in the context of the movie.
"…I know I'm going to be sorry I asked, but what is that supposed to be?" Tak asked Steve flatly.
"If I'm remembering the plot correctly, this is the big climax where the Earth wins through a kinda stupid plan," Steve replied, watching as the flying saucers turned to point their "death rays" at the helicopters. The oversized flashlights flashed, only for their light to reflect off the mirror back at them-
FWOOSH
-which caused the UFOs to suddenly burst into flames, at least one wire on each popping loose to let them swing around wildly before crashing towards the ground.
"That's not how death rays even work! Stupid human propa-AH!" Zim started to protest what they had all just seen, only to be cut off as one of the saucers suddenly crashed into the ground only a few yards from the group and promptly exploded. The force from the blast hit the three teams, knocking them all off their feet and sending them flying into the tear, which flared as they passed through it, before vanishing and taking them with it.
XXXXXXX
No one lost consciousness this time, but they were all still left with the same sensations of their bodies being squeezed and static on their skins as they were dropped unceremoniously out of the air to land in a pile on the ground. Save of course for Minimoose, who halted himself in midair to float out of the way of the rest as they landed atop each other.
"Dogpile!" GIR said happily from his spot on top.
"At least we know that the portal was more stable than I thought," Tenn muttered.
"Stop crushing Zim's mighty form with your inferior selves!" Zim yelled, ignoring how he himself was crushing Skoodge, the latter's head being squished against the ground.
"Oh just shut up, none of us are in the mood for it!" Tak snapped back at him as she and Tenn untangled themselves from each other and the twins, which allowed the whole pile to come apart and fall away from each other. The three teams all then quickly stood up and backed away a safe distance from each other, giving each other wary looks before looking around to get their bearings.
"Well, at least we're in color again. But this doesn't look like anyplace familiar," Dib mused, taking in the woods surrounding them, lit by the glow of a full moon. They were in a clearing next to a lake, and nearby was what appeared to be a summer camp of some sort, rows of log cabins stretching from the lakeside dock to the edge of the woods. And on the far end of the camp, next to a dirt road leading off and away from the camp, was a large sign which read "Welcome to Camp Yergonnadie", the sight of which made Steve's eyes widen in shock.
"Ah, crap," he said, quickly getting everyone's attention, "Not only are we still in a movie, we're in a slasher film!"
"A what?" Nyx asked, blinking in confusion.
"It's a horror sub-genre about psychopaths in masks who run around killing random people in incredibly bloody ways," Steve explained, "Specifically, unless I'm very wrong, we're in one of the Flag Day movies."
"Is that the one about the guy who kills people with power tools and wears their skulls as hats?" Dib asked.
"No, that's the Oklahoma Power Saw Slaughter. This is the one about the camp custodian who died when a bunch of unsupervised campers playing street hockey accidentally ran into him while he was cutting timber, causing him to fall onto his chainsaw and die, so now he comes back from the dead to kill anyone at the camp as punishment for his death."
"I'm afraid I'm not following the logic of that," Ying commented.
"It's a slasher, they don't do logic, they just move one-dimensional characters around until they can die in entertaining ways," Steve replied flatly. As if to prove his point, two people suddenly walked up from the camp; they were a rather bland-looking pair of older teenagers, one boy and one girl, both wearing red shirts with the word "Counselor" on it. The pair completely ignored the group as they walked past them, heading down the path that led into the woods.
"Hey, wanna go smoke weed, drink beer, and fool around?" the guy asked, holding up a six-pack of beer and a plastic bag of marijuana.
"Sure! Let's go deep into the woods where no one in camp will be able to hear us, no matter how loud we yell!" the girl replied happily, following her apparent boyfriend out of sight, leaving the group looking after them in bemusement.
"See what I mean? They're obviously about to die," Steve said, deadpan.
"I do not get the appeal of these movies," Viera muttered, before turning to the Irkens with a critical eye, "But more importantly, why are we still in movies instead of back in reality? I thought that rupture thing was supposed to send us back!"
"The only explanation I can think of is that it was recursive, and dropped us down through multiple dimensions," Tenn mused, which earned a groan from Zim.
"Which means we have to travel through more portals. Zim doesn't have time for this!"
"I'd say that then maybe you should learn from this and not mess around with dangerous technology you don't understand, but I'm aware that you don't have enough functioning brain cells for such a complex idea," Tak said dryly. Zim turned to glare at her and opened his mouth to snap something back at her — only to be interrupted as the sounds of screaming and a revving chainsaw filled the air, before suddenly going silent.
The group froze at the sounds, and slowly turned towards the source of them, which happened to be where the two camp counselors had wandered off. And a few moments later, a figure emerged from the darkness they'd disappeared into, a hulking man in dirty and torn work overalls, wearing a hockey mask and wielding a large chainsaw. Which, disturbingly, was covered in fresh blood.
"So, uhm, I'm guessing that's the killer you were talking about?" Skoodge gulped.
"Yep, his name's Kane, and we should be running," Steve said nervously, but too scared to move as the slasher stared at the group.
"Psh, as if Zim should be scared of some deranged human sports fan with a gardening tool," Zim scoffed, before bringing out his PAK legs and firing a plasma blast at Kane, hitting him dead center and knocking him to the ground with a burning fist-sized hole in his chest.
"Ha! The stupid hockey human wasn't that tough," Zim preened, puffing up, to the annoyance of everyone else. Except for Steve, who just sighed.
"3… 2… 1…" he counted. And right on cue, Kane suddenly sat back up, wound disappearing as he climbed back to his feet.
"Eh?!" Zim exclaimed, as Kane started revving his chainsaw again.
"He's a slasher, they don't die, we can only slow him down!" Steve shouted, even as he pulled out his blaster and fired several shots at Kane, who stumbled back as the plasma bolts hit him but otherwise did little damage.
"Speak for yourself. Fire in the hole!" Nyx declared, pulling a plasma grenade out of nowhere, priming it, and tossing it at Kane before joining the others in diving for cover as it landed at Kane's feet.
BOOM
The resulting explosion threw up a huge cloud of dust, momentarily blocking Kane from view. But by the time the group had gotten back to their feet, it had cleared enough to reveal that Kane's legs and left arm had been blown off, the rest of him either smoldering or outright burning.
"See? You just had to hit him hard enough," Nyx said smugly… only for her smug smile to fall off her face as Kane grabbed his blown off arm and jammed it back into its socket, the wound seamlessly healing and reattaching itself, before moving to do the same with his legs, "What the-?!"
"Like I said, slashers don't-" Steve started to say, only for Tak to yell over him.
"MIMI, get rid of this thing!" she commanded. MIMI saluted, before zipping forward, slamming into Kane just as he stood up again and sending him flying back to slam into a tree trunk, dropping his chainsaw in the process. And before he could reorient himself, MIMI grabbed his leg with her extendable arm and started flinging him around through the air, smacking him against several more trees before letting go to send him flying through the air towards the lake, landing smack in the middle of the water.
"There, that should at least keep him out of commission until we can get out of here," Tak said as MIMI zipped back to her side, causing Steve to facepalm.
"Seriously, is no one listening to me? That isn't going to do anything except slow him down," he stated, right before Kane burst out of the water to land on the dock, chainsaw somehow back in his hands and revving again, "See what I mean?"
"Steve's right, stop being stubborn and run!" Viera shouted, unleashing a wave of fire from her amulet to ignite the wooden dock, the flames seeming to temporarily keep Kane at bay. The humans took advantage of this to finally start running, the Irkens reluctantly following after them as they ran towards the log cabins, which remained darkened and quiet. Despite everything, this still managed to catch Dib's attention.
"Okay, seriously? No one heard any of that?" he said.
"That's horror movies in general, people never hear anything until it's their turn to die," Steve said, before turning to Tenn, "And speaking of dying, I'd like to avoid that, so where's this next portal thing?"
"Give me a minute to find it," Tenn said, pulling out her scanner again but sparing a glance over her shoulder back towards where Kane was starting to slowly emerge from the dying flames, "Not that we need to rush, from the look of- AH!"
Tenn's scream was caused by the fact that just as the group reached the edge of one cabin, Kane suddenly popped out from behind the corner and luged at her, sending her scrambling back into the others, who stumbled over each other to put distance between them and the slasher. As they did, Skoodge managed to recover his wits first, and looked between Kane and the now-empty dock in confusion.
"How did he-? Did he teleport?" he asked in disbelief.
"Either that or just bad editing. Depends on who you ask," Steve said, even as Dib brought up his gauntlets to block a swing from the chainsaw.
"Enough with the commentary track! Someone get rid of this guy already!" Dib pleaded.
"Nyah!" Minimoose declared, antlers glowing as he seized Kane in a telekinetic grip. The masked maniac struggled against Minimoose's hold, but before he could manage to break free, he was suddenly flung through the air, slamming into a cabin and smashing through the wall, revealing the interior… including another glowing rupture portal.
"That's convenient," Nyx noted as everyone stared at the rupture, before noticing Kane starting to pull himself up out of the wreckage, "Ying, make an opening for us!"
"Yes Madame," Ying replied, switching into Battle Mode and charging Kane. The slasher swung his chainsaw at the robot, only for it to be batted aside, before Ying grabbed Kane and lifted him over his head. He then turned and threw Kane back out the hole in the wall, right over the heads of the others as they ran inside and dashed towards the rupture, Ying shifting back to his normal form as he jumped in after them, the portal closing seconds later.
Kane, having got back to his feet yet again as this happened, cocked his head in confusion at where the portal had been. Then after a moment he shrugged, and wandered off to find more people to kill.
XXXXXXX
Once again, the group got spat out in midair and landed in a pile. Though since they were more or less expecting it this time, they were able to brace themselves and more quickly disentangle, getting back on their feet and taking in their surroundings.
They were standing in the middle of what appeared to be a ballroom, decked out for a party of some kind, decorative streamers and balloons hanging from most surfaces and several large tables covered in food. Several groups of people in tuxedos and fancy dresses were scattered across the room, none of them seeming to have noticed the Irkens or Team Save Earth's sudden arrival.
"Anyone have any idea where we are now?" Viera asked with a sigh, already exhausted by this whole experience. Before anyone could respond, a pair of the party guests at the nearest table caught the group's attention, as a man with bleached blonde hair and a ridiculous goatee suddenly stood up from his chair and looked down at the young Hispanic woman he'd been talking to.
"I'm sorry, Maria, but I can't do this anymore," he declared, "I'm in love with your twin sister, Jaunita!"
"But Jacques, I am Jaunita!" the woman exclaimed.
"Oh, really? Then maybe I'm in love with Maria?" Jacques mused, while Jaunita gave an elaborate gasp.
"…I've got nothing," Steve admitted, as most of the group stared in confusion.
"Ooh, wait, I actually do!" Skoodge said excitedly, "This is that soap opera, All The Days of My Children's Lives."
"You watch soap operas?" Tenn asked in disbelief, narrowing an eye at him.
"Usually only when GIR's eaten the remote and I don't feel like getting up to manually change the channel," he admitted with a shrug, before scratching his chin in thought, "Anyway, if I'm not mistaken from what we just saw, the main plot of this scene is that it's a celebration Roberta is throwing because her husband William just got out of a coma, only to find out that he's actually William's evil twin brother Phillip, who stole William's identity the night before his and Roberta's wedding after trying to kill him by drowning, except William survived but with amnesia that just wore off, so he's here to confront Phillip over it."
The others stared at Skoodge blankly, before turning towards the front of the room, where a middle-aged man wearing just a hospital gown was standing in front of the main table, waving his fists threateningly at the identical (except with a mustache) man sitting at the center of the table, everyone around them looking on in shock.
"Get away from my wife, you fiendish imposter!" William shouted.
"Ha! I'm the one who married her, so technically that makes you the imposter!" Phillip sneered, earning more melodramatic gasps from the onlookers.
"Does anyone other than Skoodge understand any of this?" Tak asked flatly, utterly unimpressed by what she was seeing.
"All I know about soap operas is that it usually takes a month's worth of episodes to get through a single scene," Dib said, watching as Phillip stood from his chair and engaged William in a slap fight while Roberta dramatically fainted and was fanned by several nearby women.
"Are all these drama humans twins?" Zim asked Skoodge in genuine curiosity, looking between the fight at the main table and the nearby one where Jaunita was openly sobbing while Jacques happily flirted with her apparent twin a few chairs over.
"Oh no, William and Phillip are actually triplets. They have an even eviler brother named Leonard who's been in an asylum ever since he was declared criminally insane for embezzling stock funds so he could buy enough bronze to build a 30-foot statue of himself," Skoodge explained.
"What? That's ridiculous — marble is much better for building statues of yourself!" Zim exclaimed, earning facepalms from most of the rest of the group. Before anyone could retort that particularly stupid comment, the doors to the room were suddenly kicked open, revealing a man who looked just like William and Phillip, except with a wild beard and wearing the tattered remains of a straightjacket and an eyepatch.
"I'm guessing that's Leonard?" Tenn asked with a groan, before shaking her head and pulling out her scanner, "Never mind, I don't care about this nonsense. I'm going to find the next portal."
The others watched her go, then turned back to the overly exaggerated confrontation between the triplets at the main table, morbidly curious to see what was going to happen.
"…And that is why the entire world will yield to my genius!" Leonard was ranting, earning derisive snorts from his brothers.
"A drug that drives everyone crazy is hardly something I'd call worthy of praise," William said dryly.
"And what makes you think it would even work?" Phillip sneered.
As if on cue — and given where they were, it probably was — half the people in the room suddenly started seizing, before going berserk. Some of them started flailing about wildly, or dancing on the tabletops, or acting in other bizarre but harmless ways. But the majority violently lunged at each other or the unaffected party attendees, causing the room to quickly descend into chaos, over which Leonard's voice was still somehow audible.
"That's right, I put my madness drug into the cocktail weenies and infected the room without anyone realizing it!" he said with a maniacal laugh.
"Hmm, Zim reluctantly admits that's not a bad idea," Zim commented, rubbing his chin in contemplation, while the group stood unaffected in the middle of the madness.
"It doesn't work. Believe me, I've tried," Tak said with a resigned sigh.
"Wait, what? When?!" Dib demanded, turning to glare at her, which she was totally indifferent to.
"Unlike Zim, I have a life outside of fighting you and your little friends," she scoffed, pointedly turning away from Dib to watch the unfolding chaos around them. To her mild amusement, Jaunita was chasing her sister and Jacques around with a chair hoisted over her head as a makeshift weapon; Tak wasn't entirely sure whether she was afflicted by the drug or if this was just jealous anger.
A sharp whistle drew the group's attention, and they turned to see Tenn standing near an overturned table, revealing that the next portal was underneath it. Taking the unspoken cue, they dashed towards her and the portal, dodging and weaving around the chaotic mob.
"I know this isn't real, but it feels kinda wrong to just leave without helping these people," Viera muttered, watching as one whole corner of the room devolved into a mindless brawl.
"Oh, don't worry, it turns out that this whole thing is just a dream William had while in his coma, and that Phillip didn't replace him, he just faked his own death and is living as a drug kingpin in Mexico," Skoodge said as he casually ducked under a thrown potted plant.
"May I inquire as to who writes this nonsense?" Ying asked, metal tendrils emerging from his head to absently fix the scattered silverware of every table they passed.
"Never mind that! Everyone through!" Tenn snapped, before taking her own advice and jumping in, the others quickly following, leaving the soap opera's madness behind them.
XXXXXXX
By now, the group knew what to expect during the transition, and they all managed to land on their feet without piling up. Taking in their surroundings this time, they were greeted by a bright and sunny field, the colors being so bright that they all immediately realized they still weren't back in their own reality yet.
"How many of these ridiculous shows are we going to have to go through?" Tak demanded, looking to where Tenn was staring intently at her scanner.
"Hard to say," she murmured in response, "Theoretically, it could be an infinite amount."
"It better not be!" Zim snapped, kicking the ground in frustration, "And why does this place look so irritatingly familiar?"
"Beats me, doesn't look like anything I've ever watched," Steve said, before noticing movement just past some nearby bushes, "Hey, I think there's someone over there. Let's see if that's some clue as to where we are."
"Good idea, I'm pretty sure the next portal is in that direction anyway," Tenn said, checking the readings on her scanner. That was all the others needed to hear, and they walked towards the bushes, soon emerging into another field… and coming up short at the bizarre sight of what appeared to be a big light blue tusk-less walrus in a top hat wandering aimlessly around the area. While the others stared in confusion, Zim's eyes widened.
"Oh, no," he winced in dread, while GIR gave a happy shriek that made everyone else jump in surprise.
"Shmoopsy!" he cried in joy. And before anyone could question his outburst, some other nearby bushes parted to reveal what appeared to be a large pink beaver, which leapt at the walrus and hugged him tightly.
"I bloop you, Shmoopsy!" the beaver said in a high-pitched voice.
"D'aw, Floopsy," the beaver replied in a deep baritone.
"NOOOO! Not Floopsy Bloops Shmoopsy! Not again!" Zim screamed, falling to his knees and tugging at his antennae.
"Wait, isn't this that dumb cartoon that no one likes but still somehow has like a million episodes?" Viera asked, looking between the freaking out Irken and the obliviously happy cartoon characters.
"Zim wasted weeks binge-watching this never-ending unrequited blooping! I refuse to sit through it anymore!" Zim yelled, causing Tenn to glance up from her scanner and arch an antenna at him.
"Then why did you bother to watch it if you hated it so much?" she asked.
"I don't know! I couldn't stop!" Zim explained, before glaring at Floopsy and Shmoopsy, "But no more! Die, animated bloop monsters!"
With that, his PAK legs deployed and opened fire at full power. Almost faster than anyone could blink, the massive stream of plasma consumed the hugging cartoon characters, and obliterated everything for several yards beyond them. Which actually proved to be helpful, it turned out, as once the smoke cleared, the next portal was revealed to be floating just past the far edge of the scorch marks now adorning the ground.
Seeing this, everyone blinked in surprise, before Tak snorted and glanced at Zim, who was panting heavily from the exertion of his outburst.
"Well, I'm actually impressed. For once, one of your smeetish tantrums actually did something helpful," she scoffed. Zim glared at her but didn't bother to respond, instead quickly making his way towards the portal, the others all doing likewise and passing through in short order.
And, probably luckily for everyone's sake, this meant that none of them noticed when Floopsy and Shmoopsy popped out of the ashes, scorched but otherwise unharmed and still giggling as she continued to bloop him.
XXXXXXX
Once again, they all managed to land on their feet with no problem. And once again, it was clear that they weren't back in their own reality yet, as they were standing in the middle of a large suspension bridge stretching across a canyon that was definitely nowhere near Doomsville. It also appeared to be deserted, aside from numerous abandoned cars parked haphazardly all over the place, though before they could examine anything closely, there was a sudden explosion at one end of the bridge.
Spinning around to face the source of the blast, weapons at the ready, the group was confronted by the sight of the newly-burning wrecks of cars being shoved aside as a tank emerged from the smoke to ram through them. Marching alongside it were soldiers with machine guns, who for some reason were all wearing large furry hats.
"Onwards, comrades!" the apparent lead soldier said in a bad Russian accent, "Death to all the American dogs!"
"Not so fast, ya Commie bastards!" a slurred Brooklyn accent called out from the opposite side of the bridge. Turning to face the voice, the group saw a man with bulging muscles and a prominent chin, wearing military fatigues and a bandolier of grenades across his chest and holding a large machine gun in each hand.
"The only place yer all going is straight to Hell!" he declared, before shooting both guns rapidly at the invaders, who immediately returned fire, neither side seeming to notice or care about the aliens and pre-teens standing in-between them. They yelped, and quickly took cover behind a large van, putting it between them and the invaders, agreeing without a word that it was easier to avoid the apparent hero's singular stream of random shooting than all that coming from the discount Russians.
"Great, now we're in some cheesy 80s action movie," Steve grumbled.
"Any idea of which one?" Dib asked, causing Steve to blink and look at him in confusion.
"What? No, that's what it's called. Some Cheesy 80s Action Movie, starring Arnie Calzone. It was a big cult hit in the 90s," he explained, earning flat looks from the others.
"Okay, I am officially at my limit," Viera said, eye twitching slightly, before turning to glare at the Irkens, "You all think you're so clever, how about figuring out how to finally get out of this nonsense?"
"Ha! As if Zim would do anything to help you pig-smellies!" Zim scoffed, earning an eye roll from Tak.
"In other words, you have no ideas," she sneered. Ignoring his indignant sputtering, she turned to Tenn, who was looking at her scanner again, "You've been studying this ridiculous situation from the start, please tell me we're finally near the end of it."
"Actually, we might be," Tenn replied, everyone else immediately perking up in response, only to flinch and duck back down as several bullets punched through the van above their heads, "Though I'll need to be somewhere a lot quieter and less dangerous before I can confirm it! Irk dammit, how are they not out of bullets yet?!"
"That's a good question, actually," Skoodge said, blinking in confusion as a thought came to him, before he dared a glance around the van to observe the firefight, "I don't think anyone's even paused to reload their guns this whole time."
"It's an action movie, no one runs out of ammo unless it serves a dramatic purpose," Steve explained, feeling exhausted from having to keep explaining the suspension of disbelief to everyone. Before he could vent his frustrations, however, the loud sound of a large revving engine caught everyone's attention. Looking around the van, they saw that the source was a military motorcycle being ridden by one of the faux-Russians, which came bursting out of the back of the crowd, past the burning hulk of the tank that had somehow been blown up when they weren't looking, and heading straight towards Calzone.
"Witness me!" the motorcyclist yelled, firing a shotgun at Calzone and missing completely. In response, Calzone fired off a single shot, only managing to blow off one of the motorcycle's rearview mirrors. Somehow, this caused the motorcycle's engine to burst into flame and the tires to stall, the motorcycle flipping over and sending the rider flying with a Wilhelm scream. As for the motorcycle itself, it skidded across the concrete to gently come to a stop against an abandoned car, lightly tapping the side of the larger vehicle.
BOOM
Which exploded for no apparent reason, the force of the blast somehow knocking over all the other fake Russians but not even ruffling the onlookers.
"…Wow, do all human cars blow up that easily?" Nyx asked with an awed tone that made everyone except Zim, Ying and GIR lean away from her in concern.
"No, it's just how things in movies… ah, forget it, I'm too tired to keep explaining this," Steve said with a sigh.
"Never mind that, look!" Tenn said, gesturing to the dispersing smoke and debris cloud from the exploded car, revealing that the next portal had been contained within it. The others didn't even need to be told; they all bolted from their cover, ducking under the crossfire of the still somehow ongoing shootout, and dashed into the portal, which flared and vanished behind them.
XXXXXXX
This time, the group was caught by surprise as they came up short when they emerged from the portal, something seeming to catch ahold of them as they did so. This caused them to flub the landing, collapsing into a pile like they had the first few times.
"Oh, come on! Now what?" Dib grumbled as the group untangled themselves and got to their feet. Looking around, they were surprised to see that they were standing in a large but completely vacant room. Well, vacant except for the lone inhabitant, whom they were seeing in profile as he stared off into the distance off to the side of the room. Seeing this figure, everyone stared in confusion, except for Zim and GIR, who both reacted after taking a moment to process the sight.
"Monkey!" GIR cried happily.
"You have to be flirking kidding me!" Zim snapped, glaring at the all too familiar visage of the Scary Monkey, glaring into the distance and breathing heavily just like it did in every episode of its titular show, "Of all the stupid human programming we could have ended up in, and it had to be that horrible monkey?!"
"Will you shut up so we can focus on what's actually important? Like what that was that happened when we came through that last portal?" Tak snapped at him, before directing that last bit to Tenn.
"I'm not entirely sure of the cause, but there appears to be some kind of exotic energy field surrounding this dimensional plane, which interfered with the transit," she replied, eyes narrowed at her scanner, before she grinned, "But on the bright side, I can confirm that this is the last stop before we're back in our own reality."
This caused everyone else to sag in relief, save for GIR, who was eagerly watching the Scary Monkey stare off seemingly into oblivion. After a moment, Skoodge was the first to compose himself, cocking his head in thought.
"You know what? That makes sense," he mused, "This is what GIR was watching on the TV hooked up to our equipment when it exploded, so-"
"Blah, blah, blah, who cares?! Just tell Zim how to get out of this horrid monkey den!" Zim screeched, shoving Skoodge aside so he could practically ram his face into Tenn's. Unimpressed, she gave him a flat look and shoved him away before examining her scanner again.
"That's the bad news," she announced morosely, "I can't seem to locate a portal that will act as an exit. I think that same energy field is blocking us in."
"Wait, are you saying that after all the ridiculous crap we've been through, we're stuck one portal away from home?" Viera demanded incredulously.
"NO! Zim refuses to spend eternity trapped with a monkey angrily staring at nothing!"
"Uh, about that. I wouldn't say he's looking at nothing," Steve said, catching everyone's attention and make them join him in actually looking in the direction that the Scary Monkey was looking in. To their surprise, it wasn't staring at a wall or even a void; instead, floating in the air were dozens if not hundreds of floating screens. Each one showed ordinary-looking people sitting on couches or beds, staring blankly at the screens from their ends. And for some reason, faint streams of blueish-white light were flowing from each screen and into the Scary Monkey, who didn't react to them in any noticeable way.
"Hang on, are those the people watching this show? Has there been stuff like this each time that we've just been overlooking?" Dib asked, utterly confused.
"No, at least one of us would have noticed something like this," Tak stated, eyes narrowed in suspicion, "There's something else going on here."
"Well, whatever it is, if we're going to be stuck here until my ingenious mind can figure out an escape that the rest of you are too foolish to find, I'm at least going to not have to share space and air with that filthy primate," Zim declared. Ignoring the dirty looks the others sent him in response, he deployed his PAK legs and started advancing on the Scary Monkey, "Prepare to finally pay for all the times you've darkened my screens, horrible beast! You will-"
The Scary Monkey's head suddenly snapped away from the floating screens to stare directly at Zim, who froze in place as a chill went down his spine at the look in the monkey's eyes. And then to his and everyone else's shock, it opened its mouth and started speaking.
"Who dares to disturb my realm?" the Scary Monkey demanded, in a deep echoing voice that made the room rumble.
"What the- you can talk?!" Nyx exclaimed, voicing the shared reaction of the whole group.
"Impossible! I have been subjected to GIR watching countless hours of this simian monster's show, and it has never uttered a sound!" Zim protested.
"Foolish mortal! I do not deign to reveal my true self to mere viewers," the Scary Monkey snarled, "The only reason I am speaking to you gnats is because you have somehow wormed your way past my defenses into my domain."
"Er, we're sorry?" Dib said hesitantly, "Us coming here was a complete accident, and if you'll show us the way out, we'll just go."
"Zim will not lower himself to asking for help from a monkey!" Zim protested. Everyone except his minions rolled their eyes at his egotistical stubbornness, but before anyone could make a smart comment about it, the Scary Monkey gave a laugh that made all their ears ring.
"You doom yourself with your own ignorance, mortal!" the monkey cackled, "I am no mere simian, this is merely the form I took so that the simpleminded lifeforms on this planet could comprehend me. Know this and tremble, tiny fleshlings, that you stand in the presence of an extra-dimensional being far beyond your understanding. For I am Dqxagnmklormoc the Devourer! …But my friends call me Dave."
Everyone blinked at that odd non-sequitur, but didn't have a chance to process it before "Dave" continued speaking, "And why would I let you microbes go, when you've stumbled upon my secret scheme?"
"What secret scheme? You're just staring at a bunch of people who are staring at you!" Steve pointed out.
"So it would appear to your primitive minds," Dave sneered, "But what I am actually doing is peering into their inner selves and consuming their pitiful intellects, as I have done on countless worlds."
"Eh, you're feeding on human intelligence?" Zim asked, narrowing an eye in confusion, "Then how come you haven't starved?"
"Hey!" the three humans snapped in indignation, while Dave chuckled.
"There's actually quite a lot of untapped genius in the collective human unconsciousness," he stated, "By feeding upon it before it is ever properly used, it is still raw and delicious and more filling than draining it from those who actually use it."
"So are you why humans are all so stupid then?" Tak asked, ignoring the repeated cries of protest from Dib and the twins.
"Oh no, humans in general are actually quite stupid on their own," Dave explained, "The vast majority of them never even try to nurture their potential, happily dwelling in their ignorance. Which is fine by me, as it gives me plenty more to feed upon."
"Well, this is all very interesting and all, but we should probably get on our way so you can get back to doing your thing. So, how about that dimensional exit?" Skoodge said quickly.
"Wait, what? We can't just leave and let him keep doing this to people! We have to stop him!" Dib declared, only to freeze in place as Dave's intense glare was suddenly turned to be directly aimed at him.
"…Maybe you shouldn't have said that where he could hear you," Steve commented with a wince.
"Yeah, I'm realizing that," Dib said, sweating nervously as Dave's eyes bored into him.
"And now you dare to challenge me?" Dave snarled, "For a moment, your presence was almost entertaining. But I will not tolerate threats to my bountiful feast, so now it is time for you all to die!"
"Well, we didn't threaten anyone," Tenn pointed out, gesturing to herself and the other Irkens, "So, maybe you can just kill the humans and spare the rest of us?"
"No one kills the Dib-Stink but me!" Zim snapped, before cocking his head in thought, "I mean, you can break a few bones and, I dunno, eat some of his less important organs if you want. Oh, and I don't care about the Not-Dibs, so you can do whatever you want with them, but the point is-"
"Enough of your prattling distracting me from my feeding!" Dave yelled, the force of the sound knocking everyone off their feet. Everyone, that is, except for GIR, who had been watching this whole exchange from the floor as if it had been just another installment of his favorite show. So of course, he reacted the only way he knew how.
"I love this show," he cooed. In response, Dave froze in the middle of about to say something else, and slowly turned to face GIR, whose presence he'd overlooked. Seeing him, Dave's face twitched as a bizarre mixture of emotions passed over it, the most prominent of them surprisingly being apparent horror.
"You," he snarled, glaring at the oblivious robot, "I know you. You are my great tormentor!"
"He is?" Zim asked in disbelief, "But he's always watching you!"
"Exactly, and that's the problem!" Dave growled, "He has no repressed intelligence for me to feed upon, he's just purely and simply stupid!"
"That seems a bit harsh," Skoodge commented.
"Nyah!"
"I know it's accurate, but it's still harsh."
"He is an abomination of idiocy!" Dave continued to rant, "Every time he views me, it actually cancels out some of the intellect I've absorbed! He is like poison, and you dare bring him into my presence?!"
"Hang on a second, none of us meant to come here, much less bring Zim's stupid robot along!" Tak protested, but Dave didn't seem to hear her.
"I was already going to kill you all for intruding on my realm and uncovering my feeding scheme, but bringing this thing into my presence is crossing a line! Prepare to die in agony!" Dave declared.
"Bring it on, horrible monkey! Zim's been wanting to destroy you for a long time!" Zim cackled in response as he deployed his PAK legs.
"Are you seriously picking a fight with some kind of eldritch abomination?" Viera asked in disbelief.
"Bah, what are you so worried about, Girl Not-Dib? It's just a little…" Zim started to scoff, only to trail off as Dave suddenly began convulsing. As everyone watched, he began growing, both in height and muscle mass. Additionally, spikes began emerging out of his forehead, joints, and along his tail as it extended until it was half the length of his body, while his fingers and toes rapidly expanded out into jagged claws. And finally, large tentacles burst out of his back and face, flailing about in every direction.
By the time the transformation was complete, Dave was now towering over the group as a twenty-foot-tall monstrosity. Staring at this wide-eyed for a moment, most of the group turned to glare at Zim.
"Happy now, you idiot?" Dib demanded, the others' looks silently echoing the sentiment.
"Er, uh- attack!" Zim stuttered, before shouting the command at his minions, and providing an example by firing with all four PAK legs. The streams of plasma peppered Dave's massive body and failed to do any apparent damage, but did seem to anger him further, as he gave a roar that shook everyone's bones. He then raised his fists and brought them down, narrowly avoiding crushing anyone, as they all jumped out of the way (save for the still oblivious GIR, whom Skoodge scooped up as he dashed past him).
As everyone landed on their feet, they turned and counterattacked, all the Irkens fired from their PAK legs, while Steve fired his own blaster, Dib punched waves of plasma from his gauntlets, and Viera unleashed streams of fire from her amulet. All these attacks washed over Dave, but other than scorch marks didn't do any noticeable damage. Roaring again, Dave spun around and lashed out with his tail like a wrecking ball. But fortunately for the group, Ying in his Battle Mode dashed forward and grabbed the tail, straining to hold it in place. And as he and Dave struggled against each other, Minimoose telekinetically tossed Nyx into the air, high enough to pass Dave's face. When he saw her and roared again, she used the opportunity to prime an entire bandolier of plasma grenades and throw the whole thing into the simian abomination's open mouth.
BOOM
The resulting explosion set the interior of Dave's mouth and most of his face on fire, and as Nyx fell back downwards, she pulled out her minigun to trace a constant stream of more plasma down his chest as she passed it, until Minimoose caught her a few feet above the ground. As Dave flailed in apparent pain from all this, Ying took the initiative to throw the monstrosity's tail back at him, the impact causing the spike-adorned appendage to impale into Dave's back, the force knocking him to the ground in addition. He hit it hard enough to nearly knock everyone off their feet, and then for several minutes lay there unmoving.
"Is it dead?" Steve asked hesitantly.
Dave's body spasmed, tentacles flailing around wildly and driving the group back as he ripped his tail back out into its proper position and started climbing back up onto his feet.
"That's a no," Tenn said dryly, but with a hint of franticness, "Anyone have any ideas that might actually work? Because I don't know how much longer we can keep this up."
"Well, why don't you come up with something if you're so smart instead of just complaining?" Zim sneered.
"How about you come up with something more complicated than just 'blow stuff up'?" Tenn snapped back.
"Don't blame Zim just because all your ideas are dookie!"
"Heehee, dookie," GIR giggled from where Skoodge was still holding him. Most of the others ignored him, except for Dib, whose eyes widened in realization.
"Wait a minute, that's it!" he exclaimed, as Dave finished standing up, "Dave said so himself, GIR's stupidity is poisonous to him! We can use that!"
"How are we supposed to-?" Skoodge started to ask, only for Zim to suddenly dash over and grab GIR out of his arms.
"GIR, your loyalty is vastly appreciated and your sacrifice will be honored for as long as I bother to remember it," Zim said quickly, before proceeding to chuck GIR through the air, the robot giving a happy cheer as he went, which was cut off he flew into the roaring Dave's mouth. For his part, the primate abomination instinctively closed his mouth and swallowed in response, only to freeze in place with a confused look as he tried to process what had just happened.
"What is…?" he started to say, only for his whole body to begin spasming wildly, "What? No! Get him out of me, get him- AAAARRRHHH!"
As everyone watched, Dave's body started warping and distorting, flickering like an out of tune image on an old TV. Then he started flashing the colors of a test screen, before finally dissolving into a shapeless blob of static. It twisted and warped even more, before suddenly ballooning out to consume the entire room, and then-
BOOM
ZAP
FWOOSH
XXXXXXX
-and the next thing anyone knew, they were flying out of a portal atop the studio building where this whole mess had started, landing in a heap on the concrete. As the portal collapsed behind them, they all lay there for several moments and slowly processed what had just happened. Then Zim broke the silence, jumping to his feet and laughing dramatically.
"Victory for Zim!" he yelled triumphantly, "Finally, that horrible monkey is dead! Just as I planned!"
"Okay, seriously? You're pretending this was your plan the whole time?" Dib asked deadpan as he and the rest stood up.
"Not even you can possibly be stupid enough to think we'll believe all this nonsense was deliberate on your part," Tak added with a glare.
"Of course I can be!" Zim snapped, only to blink as he realized what he'd just said, "Er, I mean, shut up! Zim indeed intended the entire time to destroy that primate beast, which I of course knew all along was an eldritch horror, and I just dragged the rest of you along as distractions!"
"But what about the brainwashing dog things?" Skoodge asked in confusion.
"The what?" Zim asked in response, making everyone except Nyx groan and facepalm.
"I can't tell if he's just messing with us and tripping over his own lies, or if he's actually managing to edit his memories on the spot," Tenn muttered. Hearing this, Zim opened his mouth to snap something at her… only for the portal to suddenly pop open again and a cheerfully screaming GIR to come shooting out to smack Zim right in the face.
"Tag, you're it!" he said happily as he fell to the rooftop, and the force of the impact managed to send Zim flying back to fall right off the roof and to the ground below with a yell. Everyone else blinked in surprise at this, spending several moments looking back and forth between the roof edge and the obliviously grinning GIR.
"Uh, should it really be possible for that portal to reopen just to spit him out?" Steve asked.
"Not at all, he should have been trapped in some terrible space between dimensions after the monkey's realm collapsed," Tenn said, eye squinted in confusion.
"They didn't want me!" GIR said, not sounding terribly off-put by that fact.
"…Right, I'm done," Tak said, eye twitching, "This has been a colossal waste of my time. The rest of you do whatever you want, I'm going home."
Without even waiting for a response from anyone, Tak leapt off the roof from the opposite side that Zim had fallen off of and vanished in the direction of her base, MIMI immediately following after her. Tenn hesitated only a moment before following her partner as well, leaving the humans and Zim's minions awkwardly looking at each other, until Ying chose to break the silence.
"Considering how exhausted I imagine we all are, might I suggest we declare this a draw and call it an evening?" the robotic butler suggested.
"Good idea, let's go," Nyx said, nodding an unspoken order to Minimoose.
"Nya!" the floating superweapon squeaked in response, before glowing as he reached out to telekinetically pick up the rest of his group. This included a clearly unconscious Zim as he was pulled up from the street as the group floated over him, the lot of them soon disappearing in the direction of their base. Team Save Earth watched them go, before turning to each other and shrugging, then heading towards the nearby fire escape to begin climbing back towards the ground.
"You know, I can't help but feel like there's going to be some last minute twist here," Steve mused as they made their way down.
"Please, can we forget about tropes and plot points and all that stuff now? We're not in a movie or a show anymore," Viera moaned.
"Viera's right, we're back in the real world now, so we can forget about living through fiction and go back to concentrating on fighting a bunch of aliens that want to take over the world," Dib said, only to pause as he processed what he'd just said, "And the fact that I can just say all of that so casually says so much about my life."
The twins nodded in agreement as they all reached the street, and then the three walked off towards home, happily already putting this night's events out of their minds.
Somewhere Else, Soon After
In the depths of a now ruined pocket dimension reduced to a sea of static, the scattered fragments of Dqxagnmklormoc the Devourer — aka Dave, aka the Scary Monkey — slowly pieced themselves back together. After a seeming eternity that could have been either minutes or days, enough had been reformed to allow the other-dimensional being's consciousness to become self-aware again.
"Damn mortals, always ruining everything they touch," he growled, "But fools if they thought this could permanently stop me. I just need to feed until I restore my strength, and then perhaps I will give that dimension a more personal touch…"
With that, Dave spread out his essence, once again projecting himself onto screens across the world, ready to present himself to unsuspecting viewers who would unwittingly feed him back to his full power. All he had to do was wait, and then-
"I love this show."
And then Dave froze in abject terror at the sound of that horrible, horrible voice. A screen appeared before him, showing GIR sitting on Zim's couch and staring in simple joy back at the screen, as a stream of his mental energy began to emanate from it and head straight towards Dave before he could stop it.
"Oh, sh-" was all the abomination could utter before the wave of pure stupidity slammed into him, shattering him back into his oblivion of static and wiping him from every TV in the world that had previously been displaying him. Humanity in general, being how they were, would soon forget he ever existed, and he would fade from the collective unconscious, just another forgotten entertainment figure.
GIR, in the meantime, would stare blankly at the now static-filled screen for hours.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
End Episode 12
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
A/N: Finally done, and… wow, going to be honest, this chapter was not as much fun as I thought it was going to be when I first imagined it. A lot of stuff just seemed to drag on repetitively, and the attempted parodying didn't seem as funny as I expected. Still, I hope you all managed to enjoy it regardless.
As for the parodies, a few quick notes:
*Invasion of the Death Robots From Mars isn't based on any particular movie, just 50s B-movies in general (with a bit of Doctor Who thrown in for flavor).
*Flag Day is obviously Friday the 13th (with the mentioned Oklahoma Power Saw Slaughter being The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), with the name "Kane" referencing Kane Hodder, who played Jason Voorhees in more movies than anyone else. And before anyone complains about how Jason never used a chainsaw, I know that, I'm just indulging in the typical parody. Also, in regards to Steve's dismissive attitude, slashers are actually my favorite horror sub-genre, but I admit that 90 percent fall into that pathetic pattern.
*My experience with soap operas only extends as far as a few minutes total caught whenever channel surfing. I just threw in every cliche I'm aware of, and then some.
*Obviously, Floopsy Bloops Shmoopsy is from Issue 20 of the IZ comics (my second least favorite issue of the series, hence everyone's reaction to it here).
*The last one before the Scary Monkey was just throwing out a bunch of action movie tropes. I was getting bored with the chapter by then and just wanted to get to the end.
I think that covers everything. Again, hope you all enjoyed this despite how it dragged on, but if not, please try to at least be constructive about it.
Best wishes, and again, stay safe out there.
Next time: A ghost from the past comes back to haunt everyone.
Until then, please review!