Chapter Thirty:

Wario's New Scam Partner

Saiko was walking by the lake, not even caring about anything else. While the anime girl desired attention, she was fine with being alone at the moment. Even though she was from a dating sim called Kevin's School, brought to life by an anime-loving Spike with a Magikoopa's wand, who cared about love at this time?

Just then, she heard a mew and looked up, seeing an orange Persian tabby cat stuck in a tree branch. The creature was so cute, seeing it in danger made the pink-haired waifu feel concern for the feline.

Some time ago, Luigi had given her lessons about being nice, and Saiko had been trying to be friendly to everyone she met. Until now, she'd given up, especially after a couple Toads ran from her. But, seeing that little creature stuck in a tree, Saiko was not about to let the animal remain in its predicament.

"Hold on there." Saiko called to the cat in Japanese, "I'm coming to save you."

As the cat meowed again, Saiko ran up to the tree, jumped onto it, and began to climb up to the branch the helpless animal was stuck on. The cat looked at Saiko nervously, but it didn't seem to be too scared of her.

She climbed, slowly and carefully, then she reached out and picked up the helpless cat. Saiko held the cat over her shoulder, then she grabbed onto the branch and dropped to the ground onto her feet. Saiko reached over herself and picked up the cat, checking to see if it was unharmed from being stuck up there for so long.

"Are you okay, Mr. Kitten?" Saiko asked, gently fingering its belly, "You don't have any splinters in your paws, do you?"

"Mew, mrow." The nameless cat replied.

"I suppose I'll look after you until we find your owner." The anime girl remarked, "You're lost, aren't you?"

Saiko was about to leave when a short guy wearing glasses walked up to her, giving the slender anime girl a flirty grin that looked a little creepy by Saiko's standards. "Hey, babe." The dude said, "You free tonight? By the way, that's a nice kitty cat you got there."

"Go find your own cat!" Saiko kicked the dude in the groin, causing him to fall over.

As the weird nerd moaned in pain, Saiko carried the cat as she walked towards the road. Just then, she heard engines and yelped, leaping back in alarm and hugging the cat tightly as a pick-up truck sped past the anime girl with a familiar mustached guy in yellow at the wheel.

Saiko heard a yell and ducked before Mario, tied to a chair and hooked to the truck, swung over her head.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING!" The anime girl yelled in Japanese, shaking her fist with fury as the truck passed.

"Meow." The cat whined.

Wario turned the wheel hard, driving around a corner, and he sped past a red light. He slammed into a car, causing it to flip over and crash into a cement truck. Wario turned another street corner, spotting a nearby parking lot.

And right as a humanoid fish was locking his own car, Mario's greedy counterpart sped into the area, slammed into the car, and hit the brake.

"MY CAR!" The fish yelled.

"Get outta here, buster!" Wario shouted back.

He jumped out of the truck, punched the poor bystander in the face, and then, he chucked him into the air. With one guy taken care of, Wario turned to Mario, who'd fainted from being thrown around for the whole ride. Now, it was time to reel the spaghetti-loving dimwit in and have him work for a worthy cause.

"OK, Mario." Wario told the slightly unconscious fat Italian as he started to untie him, "If I free you, you have to help me scam people. Got it?"

Mario's only response was an unconscious moan.

"Excellent." Wario grinned, "Welcome to Wario's Scam Business. Since Waluigi is gone, you're gonna have to fill in for him. No, that doesn't mean you're now my brother, but you are my new scam partner. Mario and Wario, partners in crime. OH, WAKE UP, YOU FAT IDIOT!"

He slapped Mario hard, then he slapped him again. Wario stomped his foot with annoyance. Moments later, the red-clad Italian superhuman finally opened his eyes and looked around. Wario finished untying him and Mario fell out of the chair he'd been cuffed to, he lay on his back, then he stood up and rubbed his head.

"W... *burp* What were you saying, Paisano?" Mario asked.

"You're my new scam partner." Wario told him, "Now shut up, I think I hear someone."

On a rooftop, just a street away, Deadpool watched Mario and Wario's interaction through the lens of technologically-advanced binoculars, and the Merc with A Mouth could hear every word that the latter was saying to his somewhat heroic counterpart. Beneath the mask, Deadpool, Wade Wilson, was frowning as he pondered his options.

"What to do, what to do, what to do." He muttered.

The disfigured mutant/superhuman/merc shrugged, then he put away the binoculars and continued to observe the two Italians' movements. Then he groaned in frustration; "Oh, damn it all, what is my mission here? Was I hunting someone? Or is my mission to observe? Heck, I don't even fit in with the people of the Mushroom Kingdom..."

He looked at the fourth wall, "...and not to mention that I'm not a big player in this story, I'm not the main hero. For shit's sake, I'm just a background cameo character. And I just remembered that I have a short scene coming up. I should prepare for that, shouldn't I? Yeah, I should. After that, fuck this bullshit SMG4 story arc that's going on. SMG4 is going to hell!"

With that, the infamous Merc with A Mouth departed the rooftop, heading to the nearest establishment where he would continue to observe, knowing that he would soon be spied upon. And he knew that, all thanks to his... special set of universal skills.

Little did he know, despite his fourth wall-breaking powers, that a certain someone was watching from the shadows...