(TW: Feels so funny warning you about a sexual scene after that last chapter lol but mild one here.)
Toxin, Derivakat
Paralyzed, right when you laid your eyes on me
I'm all designed to keep you by my side, you're mine
Obsessed with me, obsessed with me
You're hooked on me, hooked on me
Invading your energy
I'm all that you'll ever need
Doomed and devoted, just bow before the throne
You're under my influence, I'll sink in my teeth and I won't let you go
I'll burn you like a poison, hooked up like a drug
Come and show me somеthing, begging for my love
I'm your toxin, your toxin
Baby, I'm your toxin your toxin,
You think that you can quit me? Better think twice
Addiction taking hold, now I'll become your vice
I'm your toxin
He was shaken awake by the frantic flailing of his arm just before sunup, the Dark Lord apparently forgetting that they were connected and then forgetting how to disconnect them. Harry jerked upright, brain fogged, startled to find Voldemort in his room at all, the memory of how they came to be there coming back first.
Then the rest, as the Dark Lord finally recalled he was a wizard and freed himself, his eyes wild, hands fumbling. He looked pale. Paler than usual. Like he might throw up. Tom kept Harry's face as neutral as possible as Voldemort scooped up his robes—still containing, to the best of Harry's knowledge, both a Lethifold and the last remaining male Horned Serpent on the planet.
"Nagini!" The Dark Lord woke his familiar by shouting in her ear, nearly earning him a snake bite on the face.
"Uh…" Harry said.
"Shut up! Do not—fucking—start—uhh-ing at me, you fucking pipsqueak."
The instant Nagini was a confused woman, Voldemort threw the enlarged invisibility cloak over their heads. He watched the doors open and close, probably alarming the Death Eaters outside. If they were clever enough, maybe they'd put two and two together and count to four.
"…Okay," Harry said to no one. Then, "Tom. That was… You made it sound like… That was not-"
"I did try to warn you, but I must confess, I was not factoring in your Horcrux when I did so. He is…" The way Tom trailed off immediately irritated Harry.
"Yeah, he seems to interest you plenty."
"Harry, I wasn't expecting that either. He made it sound- not like that. I mean, he hinted, but I didn't get details. Not even close to-"
He had an erection, couldn't tell whose it was, making it worse.
"What did he say?"
"He said he was going to change his mind. See how far he could push it. Then he discussed scenery. He said it had to be… There."
"Okay, this could be my boner, but you are rock fucking hard right now."
"…That's all he said."
"And you didn't think to ask?"
Tom rolled out of bed and yanked his shirt off, popped buttons free, the curse rolled up both arms, and he shredded his pants to ribbons. He went for the shower, disfigured the knobs as he turned the water on, sheering flakes of metal off. "You know, I was there with you. My hand was on your cock while your eyes were on them, Harry. Cease throwing blame; if I am guilty, you aren't innocent." He didn't let Harry answer, cursed hand on his cock washing away the weak words he'd been about to say.
"I look at him and see you. And make no mistake, you…" He was interrupted by Harry's moan, "Are all I want. Do you see my problem? I watched him… Ruin the Dark Lord. Ruin me. I'm not a pillar of salt I- he is you. Voldemort is me. I don't understand why neither of you can grasp-"
"Tom. Shut up." He leaned into the hot water and the familiar, normal pain.
"…Tell me you aren't about to deny how you felt."
Harry thunked his head on the tiles and groaned. "You are literally jacking me off right now I don't want to think about…"
Tom thought about it for him, displayed the image in his head, the sounds the Dark Lord had made, the look on his face, the sheer amount of blood—the words his Horcrux had fucked into Voldemort playing on a loop until Harry came astoundingly hard, his cries echoing off the walls until he forced himself into frowning silence.
"Okay, fine… Maybe it had an effect on me. Didn't need to prove it like that," Harry said when words returned.
"You were about to deny all of it and make it my fault."
Before he was ready for his classes—feeling far more ridiculous doing so after a weekend that had rocked his dissonance to its core—his Horcrux was tapping almost politely on his brain. Harry's mouth immediately filled with metallic spit, his heart vibrating.
'Did you see that? Did you see how cool I was while you were fiddling in the bushes? Get a lot of peeping done, Tom? Get it? Because Peeping Tom? And you were peeping?'
"…I'm…" Harry clenched his fists and fought to swallow his tongue. 'You could have warned us.'
'I gave enough; you would have said no. And I wasn't really down with no, understand?' there was silence after his Horcrux's statement, and Harry decided again that he hated his Horcrux.
'Next time, you will give your detailed plans,' Tom thought.
'Next time? Next time?! Not next time? There won't be-'
'Gotta tell you honestly, I was just riffing; there was no plan. I did really want to rip his heart out in the moment. It seemed- I dunno… What's the word? Anyway. No plan, just went in. And oh. Inspired. You might not have seen it from where you were, but tears? Instant. Straight away, as soon as he saw me his eyes started swimming.'
'Are you listening to me?' Harry thought.
'Not fucking really? Shut the fuck UP.'
'Harry.' Tom was loud in his mind, but Harry felt his nerves, and so did the demon.
'Psh. Keep princess's fuckhole safe, sweetheart, 'cause he's outside your door. Couldn't hack it alone this morning for some reason.'
Tom opened their doors while Harry seethed directly at his indifferent Horcrux. He immediately wanted to slam them shut.
'Oh, and your red-headed girl is here, too. I meant to lead with that. No, I didn't; that's a lie actually,' his Horcrux thought.
Harry knew there was a look of horror on his face, but he couldn't wipe it clear. Neither could Tom.
He could feel Voldemort; the thread told him where he stood, under the cloak. Right beside Ginny—who was taking in his expression with confusion and misplaced anger.
"…You really shouldn't be here," he said, hating the way it sounded, saying it anyway.
She grimaced, but she didn't move, and he should have known it wouldn't be that easy.
"I have questions," she said.
"Great. I can't do it right now."
She stepped toward his doors anyway, determined, Voldemort right behind her. "I'll start asking in front of the Death Eaters in the hallway. I don't care," she said.
Harry considered slamming the doors shut and leaving her to it. He moved back instead, eyes darting to the Dark Lord as the thread announced that he'd entered the room with her. He hesitated to close the doors; he had no real idea how dire Voldemort's mental state was after the dream.
"Ginny, now is the worst time for whatever this is," he tried again. He held the bridge of his nose and turned her away from where the Dark Lord was standing.
"Well, I don't care? You can't turn my brother into a vegetable and then tell me to stay away from you. I don't care. And Eris… When you said that Voldemort released you from the vow when you came back to the school. The day Dumbledore died. Why? Why did he release the vow?"
Her pointed question told Harry she had either guessed or already knew for certain. He blinked at her anyway. The Dark Lord had inexplicably sat down in one of the beige armchairs. It made Harry want to scream, to strangle Ginny and then Voldemort and then himself.
"And then you wouldn't go in the viaduct courtyard…" She said it in a hushed whisper, and Harry threw up his hands.
"Yep. You got me. I killed Dumbledore. Motive, means, whatever, you got me." He barked a laugh that nearly became a sob, but kept going regardless.
"I've done it a couple of times now, Ginny. If it surprises you, I don't know what to tell you. It was the cost of some semblance of freedom. If I didn't do it, there was no coming back here, no real way forward. And here's the kicker," he took a breath, quick, so she couldn't interrupt, "I would have done it for free, given enough… Time. I wasn't forced, really. I was given the option, and I took it. I wanted to. I- and everything's changed while you've been off with Eris, listening to his bullshit, like we haven't been through all of this for nothing?"
She didn't seem shocked, only hurt, which seemed wrong. Incorrect. The words he was saying warranted disbelief, not solemn understanding. Of course Harry killed him. Harry was a killer. What else would Harry do.
His voice went up in pitch as he shrugged from under the thought and the look on her face, "So. I've said it a thousand times: who I am is not who I was. If you can't take it, then don't take it. I'll keep doing what it takes to keep you safe, and you can keep looking at me like I'm someone you used to know."
"It is true; he was remarkably easy to convince," the Dark Lord said. He pulled the cloak off as he did. Ginny squealed in alarm.
She stumbled to stand behind Harry and face Voldemort, who looked midway between bored and pained.
'There he is. My pretty boy.' His Horcrux thought, 'I can't get over how weird it is to look at him from outside. Such an edible face. What day is it?'
"Yeah, you'd throw your two cents in, wouldn't you," Harry said, and the Dark Lord shrugged.
"I am busy. I do not have time for sappy…" He waved a hand, "Your Lethifold is in my pocket." He was still paler than usual; one hand gripped the arm of the chair tight.
"Technically, Nagini's. Where is she?"
"…Hot rock."
"What- What is he doing in here?" Ginny asked, barely above a whisper as her fear became a suspicious disbelief.
"He came in when you did. I did try to tell you that now's not a good time."
"…Lethifold?" She repeated. "…Harry." She wasn't moving; had her back to the door. "Dumbledore?"
"Keven Entwhistle, Demelza Robins, Albus Dumbledore… Bellatrix Lestrange. Four by seventeen." The Dark Lord said, counting each one on a finger, almost smirking save for the frown between his eyebrows.
Ginny was frozen beside him; he could see her staring in his peripherals, her bewilderment and sadness finally becoming shock. He was almost surprised to find he didn't care. Entirely desensitised to the Dark Lord's attempts to cut him, to cut his friends off, to make him feel like a monster. Difficult to find the thought and stay in it. Less consequential. Becoming the truth. A simple fact. He was a killer. It was a Monday. Fish swam in the ocean, and birds flew in the air. He liked pumpkin juice, Quidditch, and the occasional brutal murder. Facts.
"Bellatrix?! When? Harry…?"
"Ginny," he tried to find the words to give her but couldn't, so he turned to the Dark Lord instead. "Look at my face. Are your hits landing? You're boring. And I don't care."
He stood up and sighed, searched his pockets while Harry frowned. "…Lethifold." He tossed the small chest on the round coffee table, and it bounced. The second chest he placed gently, reverently, "Horned Serpent." The Dark Lord tilted his head. "You are boring me."
'Try telling him to GET ON HIS KNEES.'
The image of the night before sprung into his head unbidden, and he sucked his cheeks into his teeth.
'…Oh, you liked it too, huh? You did, didn't you? Didn't he? Tom?'
Tom had the good sense not to answer Harry's Horcrux.
'It's okay, so did I,' he almost sounded friendly.
"…We're boring each other then," Harry eventually said.
"Why are you doing this? What's the point? He's already doing… He's already… You've made him… Why drive everyone away? It's not like he's fighting you?" Ginny stomped her foot midway through her question, and Harry finally felt a spike of fear.
He stepped in front of her before she finished. "Don't. I've given up. You've won. She can barely even look at me, just like you wanted. She's just upset about it. And she's… Ginny."
'Yeah, nice, he loves it when you speak Parseltongue; makes his dick twitch. Insult him. Just do it. It's fun.'
'…Can you leave?' Harry thought.
"Is he not fighting me? That is certainly news to me, Ginevra Weasley. You will be sure to let him know?" The Dark Lord asked.
Harry kept stepping between them, hands raised as Voldemort circled. He was pushing her towards the doors, and she was resistant. "Gin. Ginny."
"Are you afraid, Harry?"
The way Voldemort said his name made his face, neck, and chest flush scarlet. Like it was a blasphemous slur. "…Why are you even in here? You couldn't wait till I went to class to stalk me all day? Got nothing better to do?"
"I have plenty of better things to do." The Dark Lord's face darkened and for the flash of an instant, Harry saw the fear and the fury.
He found he didn't know how to act, didn't know what to expect of Voldemort. He'd killed for far less. The dream was more than an irritation, a nuclear bomb in his head. Still, the urge to talk back was nearly indestructible, and Tom did nothing to stop him. Even with Ginny behind him, a strange immunity to his threats and erratic behaviour dulled his reaction.
'He hasn't stopped thinking about it. Not for a second.' His Horcrux told him, a whisper in his head. 'He's fragile like a Fabergé egg. Made of chalk. That I stepped on. I'm hungry.'
"…What do you want me to do here. Really? You want me to tell her I'd kill her family if you said so? If you told me to? You want me to scare her? I've pushed her, and she's as far away as she can go. Apart from the fact that she's in this room." Harry kept trying to coax Voldemort into using the serpent tongue, and he kept resisting.
"You continue to prove yourself exemplary in politics," the Dark Lord said.
"…Who's politicking?"
"Not you. Never you."
"…Harry?" Ginny sounded small behind him, and he held both arms out in front of her, probably not making her feel safer.
"I'm gonna let her out. Okay…? I'm just gonna let her out. So. Cloak? If you don't want to be seen pacing in my bedroom?" As he spoke, he forced her into the doors and fumbled for the handles without taking his eyes off Voldemort, who had gone still, staring at him with wide, blank eyes.
"…Okay. Go. Go," he opened the door a fraction, shoved her out into the hallway, tried to angle the view and shut the door fast enough for no one to see the Dark Lord, unmasked, not blinking.
'Aw, Look, he's thinking about it again. I'm almost disappointed he didn't figure out it was you. Fuck, you'd be in so much trouble. Like, A LOT.'
The thought from his Horcrux triggered an immediate, knee-jerk clean-up from Tom. Thereafter, his Horcrux shot like a bullet right behind the contraband thoughts into Harry's hidden subconscious, and his heart fell into his stomach.
'Tom fucking get him,' he thought when nothing happened for too long. Stunned, pulse-thundering fear froze his limbs and brain so that he mirrored the Dark Lord, staring at each other like goldfish.
Tom followed his Horcrux, and a dread was cemented with each second that passed. Harry's Horcrux sprung out first, then clear out of his mind without a word.
'…Tom?'
'I'm sorry. I didn't think.'
'How much did he see?'
'…I don't know. There are things in there that… Fuck. Fuck.'
A heat swept through him; his clothes suddenly too tight, too hot. The Dark Lord was oblivious to Harry's suffering, staring at the floor, visibly sweating. Voldemort shot his hand out and summoned the two chests from the table, the cloak from the chair.
The sudden rush of panic blurred his vision, his legs unsteady, more Tom's fear than his.
The Dark Lord threw the cloak over his head and demanded Harry out of the room. It was almost time for class, but he wasn't shepherded to the Vivariums for Care of Magical Creatures. Instead, the Dark Lord walked behind him, first to his office to collect an indignant Nagini, remove the cloak, and summon his mask. Then, inexplicably, to the hospital wing.
"Oh, Harr- oh!" Lydia said when she saw them, quickly bowing as the two first years being seen to scurried, tripping, out of the wing.
"I have an obscene request to make of you, Lydia," Voldemort sounded like a robot.
"We need you to heal a Lethifold," Nagini said.
She had the sense not to ask if she was joking. Instead, she grimaced. "Isn't this more in… I dunno, Rookwood's wheelhouse? I don't know anything about creatures, let alone a Lethifold, however the hell that happened."
The Dark Lord drew his sleeve up and pressed two fingers to his mark. "You will collaborate. If it is not already dead. We can only hope."
"…What's the matter with you this morning?" Nagini asked, arms crossed. "You've been funny since you yelled in my sleeping face."
"Nothing is wrong with me," His words melded into one. He took the chest with the Lethifold out of his pocket and enlarged it, then kicked it over in nearly a single motion.
The Lethifold spilled out onto the floor without resistance, like a fanged silk bed sheet, far weirder to look at in the light of the hospital wing. It wasn't twitching anymore, but after Lydia regained her composure—screaming then swearing—she confirmed it was still alive with diagnostic spells.
Rookwood arrived soon after, bowing, then standing with his hands on his hips before he followed everyone's eyes to the floor and jumped two feet in the air. "Shit! Bollocks! What!"
"My familiar…" Voldemort paused to give her a withering look, "Wants this alive."
"Me too," Harry said, though it was mechanical and forced—a matter of appearances.
His Horcrux was all he could think about.