We all suspected it might happen... Maya and Claudine have irrevocably crossed paths after three years. Claudine chased after her, and Maya chose not to leave her alone. Now they must both face their new hazardous reality together...
Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.
Chapter 9. What Happens Now
A dream is all it could have been.
It wouldn't have been the first time Claudine had dreamt of finding Maya again - even though it was impossible.
Because Maya was dead.
Sometimes the dreams were bittersweet - kind, fairytale-like movies that would play out in her mind as she slept, letting her imagine what it might've been like to have a happy ending together with her…
But more often than she had those nicer, though still painful dreams, she'd have the nightmares. The graphic, terrible, bloody nightmares…
And the worst part of it all was that the nightmare was reality. That was what had happened. Maya had died horribly, though allegedly without having felt a thing.
Either way, Claudine always woke up crying, no matter how kind or cruel her night visions were to her. They always felt so real, too. Always painful.
But this one…
This one had been the most realistic yet.
Even now, as her senses gradually begin draining back toward her body, she can still feel a sharp stinging in her foot from where she'd stepped on something in that alleyway. Her chest is genuinely aching, as if she really had spent all that time running, gasping, crying…
Her mouth is dry, but her face is wet, and her heart just aches and aches…
When she tries to lift her eyelids, she finds them heavy and weighted from the aftermath of crying so much. That's something she'd gotten used to over the years, but this time it feels particularly difficult to fight them open.
And when she finally does, she finds herself gazing blearily up at a ceiling she'd never seen before, a creamy tan that is illuminated only above herself in a faint gold, indicative of a nearby lamp.
Wherever she is, she doesn't know this place. It smells clean, but lonely, with perhaps just a hint of sweet incense clinging to some of the furniture.
She blinks again, and a few tiny tears that hadn't gotten their chance earlier slip free now.
It must have been a dream. It had to have been…
...So why is she not alarmed at finding herself in some strange apartment…?
Why is she so oddly calm…?
"Claudine…"
A voice. And not just any voice.
That voice. Her voice.
Claudine's heart starts to pound again, and more tears sting behind her eyes.
It isn't real. It can't be…
But then she feels the movement of gentle fingers gliding over the back of her hand. A touch so achingly familiar…
She thought she'd never feel it again. But now that she is, it's like she'd only felt it just yesterday…
Claudine turns her head toward the source of that voice, already hiccuping even before she catches sight of those silvery lavender eyes.
It can't be real.
She breaks down all over again, but more quietly this time. She'd cried so hard and loudly earlier that her voice had scratched and scraped her throat, and comes out as nothing more than a rasp at this point.
That was proof enough that it hadn't just been a dream. All of this ache, this grief, this shock, this joy…
It's all real. As real as Tendo Maya herself.
"Maya-" Claudine chokes. "Ma… Maya… M-Maya, Maya-"
Her breath hitches, and she ends up in a slight coughing fit.
At this point, Maya squeezes her hand tighter, reaching out with her free hand, but stopping before touching her further. There might have been a time where she would have allowed herself to touch Claudine more intimately, by resting her hand on her collar or her shoulder.
But now… The best she can allow herself to do is let it curl up with her other hand over Claudine's fingers.
Once Claudine has gotten ahold of herself again enough to speak, she just keeps repeating her name.
"Maya… M-Maya…"
She's about to shatter all over again.
Maya's heart breaks as well. She'd been the one to do this to her, after all. It's the least she can do to try and ease even a tiny fraction of that pain.
"Claudine…"
She watches her flinch the moment Maya speaks her name. Evidently, just hearing Maya's voice still sends shockwaves through her. That made sense, considering how Claudine had been led to believe Maya was dead for the past three years, unable to ever really hear her voice again until now.
Whereas Maya had been able to listen to Claudine's interviews and watch some of her viral videos every now and then. Maya had allowed herself that selfishness, but Claudine had never been granted the same luxury.
Claudine continues to hiccup in between little gasps and sobs. Her eyes are flooding with tears again, but the emotions in them are all forms of desperation, disbelief, hope, and affection.
"Maya-" she blurts again. "A-Are you real…? Is it really you…? Are you… alive…? O-Or am I dead…? Ma Maya…"
She must've truly felt like she was going insane. Maya doesn't want her to hurt anymore than she already is - anymore than she already has been for the past three years. They've already passed the point of no return, so they might as well keep going.
"Your eyes do not deceive you, Claudine," Maya murmurs gently. "I am here with you now. I am, in fact, alive. I… I always have been. All this time…"
Claudine flinches, as if she'd been struck by a physical blow. Maya's chest hurts at the sight of her in such conflicted agony. All at once, Claudine pushes herself up, tears dripping.
"You- Y-You-"
But a rush of dizziness slams over her, and Claudine immediately falls forward. Maya reacts instantly, reaching out to catch her without a second thought, just as she always did…
"Claudine-"
She'd tried to avoid touching her more than was necessary.
But now… now she just can't stop herself from squeezing tighter. Claudine slumps against her too, folding both arms around her shoulders.
"You… Maya… M-Maya…"
Maya hugs her hard.
"Yes… It's me, Claudine. I'm here…"
The two of them cry together. For a long time.
There just aren't any words right now. Only emotions.
The good, the bad, the painful and the joyful. Tears and tears and more tears. Shaking, clinging, sobbing.
It feels like hours. Like a lifetime.
They hold each other close as if to try and make up for all those years apart, wallowing in grief and sadness. When Claudine's voice begins to break again, Maya moves to sit up on the couch with her and cradles Claudine in her arms, rocking her back and forth and hushing her softly.
Eventually, Claudine's voice dies altogether, until there's nothing left but wheezing sobs and hiccups. Maya keeps her upright while managing to reach for the glass of water and encourages her to drink just a few sips.
"Claudine…" Maya puts the glass back down and raises her hand inquisitively to Claudine's face, but doesn't touch her, still uncertain of what their boundaries are.
Claudine sniffles again, turning tortured, yet adoring eyes up at her. She must sense Maya's hesitance, and understand that Maya doesn't want to go any farther than Claudine wants her to.
But Claudine responds of her own volition. Slowly, almost timidly, like she fears being burnt, she leans her head sideways until her cheek is resting fully against Maya's palm. It's a wordless gesture, but one that speaks volumes.
"Claudine-" Maya whimpers, feeling more of her own tears dribbling down. "Please… After all this time… allow me to explain to you…"
Claudine swallows thickly. But the tiny glare she sends up at her is so painfully and beautifully familiar.
"You'd better…"
In some ways, it was like they'd never lost each other at all. But in so many others, it was terribly evident that they had.
And so Maya tells her everything.
About the Yakuza, and the unjust debt her family had been in.
About the authorities and their plan to have the Tendos fake their deaths.
About how they'd fled to Europe without so much as a farewell to anyone.
About their new lives here, how Maya had taken a new name, and a new identity.
All the while, Claudine sits up with her face still in Maya's palm, still crying, but listening attentively.
"Tomita," Maya tells her presently. "Tomita Maya is my new name. It's different enough to be merely coincidental to anyone in this country. But legally, the person known as 'Tendo Maya' is dead-"
"Don't-" Claudine cuts her off there. It's the only time she'd stopped and interjected Maya throughout her explanation, and Maya understands why.
After three years of thinking Maya was gone from this world, Claudine had just found out it was all a lie. She can't bear to entertain thoughts of Maya's death anymore, not even as a cover-up.
Maya can see the overwhelming pain and sadness in her eyes. How much torture had she endured? How many nights had she spent crying, alone, in unbearable pain…? All because of Maya…?
"I'm sorry-" Maya pulls her into a full, warm embrace. She half expects Claudine to push her away, to yell at her to never speak to her again, that - after all Maya had put her through - as far as Claudine was concerned, she really was dead.
But of course, that never happens. Just the opposite.
Claudine clings onto her with all the force left in her body, fiercely refusing to ever let her go again.
"Mechante va…"
Those words… How long has it been since Maya had heard them? She can't even remember.
Claudine growls at her.
"Idiot… Why are you apologizing…?"
Maya's chest stings as though some blade had slashed across her flesh.
"Because-" she rasps. "I lied… To the world, but most importantly to you-"
"You're alive!" Claudine shouts. She pulls herself away, but only enough to glare up into Maya's eyes. "You're alive, Maya! Don't you get it?! I don't care about anything else! You're alive… You idiot…"
"Claudine…" Maya folds both arms around her and pulls her in again. Closing her eyes, she savors it all; Claudine's warmth, her scent, the sound of her cracking voice. She's still the most beautiful thing in the world to Maya.
"Idiot…"
Even when Claudine mutters the word again, Maya can't help but smile. In spite of how incredibly dangerous all of this is…
"You idiot!"
And then, Maya is met with a face-full of plush.
After her more somber emotions had registered and settled in, Claudine's trademark feistiness resurfaces full-force. She pushes Maya away just enough so she has room to grab a couch pillow and smack her full in the face.
"You absolute idiot, Tendo Maya!"
Claudine smacks her again, baffling Maya and buffeting her hair.
"Wh- Claudine-?"
Luckily for Maya, she knew the apartments around her own were unoccupied, so there was no risk of anyone overhearing Claudine's outburst of her true name. But even so, Maya is surely in trouble now.
Claudine hits her again with the pillow and shouts out in a croaking voice.
"Idiote! Imbécile! Mechante va! All these years! All these years-! And you had the audacity to never even call me?! Never even try to contact me in secret-?!"
"C-Claudine, please-" Maya puts her hands up to try and block the onslaught of attacks, but Claudine whacks her arms aside and fluffs her in the face again.
"All these years! And you've been here?! In France, of all places?! And you never once tried to find me?!"
And just as quickly as her vehement ambush had started, her voice quickly loses its force, and spirals into broken whimpers.
"Do you know… how many nights I've cried-? How badly it hurt to think that you were…? H-How I couldn't even get out of bed some mornings…?"
Her next swing of the pillow lacks any kind of impact, but Maya allows her to land the light blow anyway. After that, Claudine's arms begin shaking too much, and she drops the weapon.
"You… all this time…" She breaks down all over again.
Maya emerges from the fight with only disheveled hair now all loosened from the ponytail, so she just takes it out entirely and frees up her ribbon before pulling Claudine back into her arms.
"I'm sorry… I know that will never be enough, Claudine. But for whatever it's worth, I am truly, deeply sorry for the pain I've caused you with this… I don't ever expect you to forgive me… I could say nothing but apologies to you for the rest of my life, and it would still never be enough…"
Claudine must have so much more she wants to say. But her voice only has the volume for one word, over and over again.
"Idiot… idiot…"
Maya hugs her tightly, regretful that after already making her cry for three years, that's still the only thing she's managed to do upon seeing her again. She waits until Claudine's sobs have quieted enough, then explains things to her a bit more clearly.
"I was forbidden to make contact with you or anyone else," Maya murmurs. "The witness protection agency forbade it. In doing so, I could have jeopardized not only my life and the lives of my parents, but yours as well. I couldn't take that risk, Claudine. I couldn't…" She wants to apologize again, but at this point she fears it might just sound empty. "We had to leave everything about our old lives behind. We were lucky the authorities allowed us to take some of our belongings. But as for the people… we had no choice but to leave you. All of you. For your own safety as much as our own…"
Claudine half-sobs, half-scoffs.
"Safety…" she growls. "To hell with my safety… I would've chosen you… But you didn't even give me that choice…"
"I couldn't," Maya whispers. "I truly am sorry, Claudine. My heart bled every day. Mostly for you…"
There's a tense moment of silence, which is littered only with hiccups and sniffles. Claudine pushes herself away again and sends another glare up into Maya's face.
"I get it…" she huffs. "I do… I just…" She has no words after that. Or maybe she has too many words, and she just can't choose the right ones.
Maya is silent for a moment longer, until she senses Claudine is ready for her to continue. Maya draws in a deep breath.
"You see… I had been watching your performances over these past few years. Online, mostly. I could only watch what went viral on the Internet or what was played on popular television. Things that so many people in the world were watching that my particular view would have been untraceable in the mix. I've watched you… just like you'd always watched me… In my own way, while adhering to the constraints placed upon me, I did everything within my power to stay close to you…"
By now, Claudine had run dry of tears, at least for the time being. Sit straightens herself up again, looking more exhausted than ever with her face all red and puffy, and her figure still swimming in Maya's oversized coat. But her eyes are still stern and expectant, so Maya continues talking.
"Today… I hadn't been aware that there was a theater attached to the museum… let alone that you would be performing… The moment I saw you up on stage again, more resplendent and beautiful than ever before… I almost couldn't contain myself. I was so overcome with emotion that I nearly fled the theater right then and there. Perhaps I should have… Perhaps I shouldn't have even given you the chance to see my face and come after me…"
She's cut off by a soft slap of the pillow again.
"Idiot… Do you really think I'd be better off if I'd just spent the rest of my life never knowing…? Just thinking you were gone forever…?" She releases the pillow, and it rolls off onto the floor, leaving the two girls to lock eyes once again. Claudine is angry, relieved, and incredulous all at once. "Well too bad. There's no use in thinking about the 'what if's any more. It's too late for all of that. We're here - both of us - and nothing will ever be the same again."
Maya flinches at the conviction in her voice as Claudine reminds her of the hard truth of the situation. She swallows, but still reaches out to pull Claudine into another hug.
"I know. You are absolutely right… Mistake or not, this is what we have chosen…"
Claudine gives a huff, then a nod.
"The only question is… What happens now…?"
There's a long, long moment of silence.
Maya counts the beat of the pulse against her chest, uncertain of whether it's Claudine's or her own.
She had been debating this question with herself since the moment she'd decided to stay in the alley with Claudine rather than flee. She'd debated, and argued, and ridiculed herself for her foolish actions, and been mentally at war with herself all this time. And she'd come to only one logical answer.
"What happens now…" Slowly, Maya pries herself away again, gazing firmly into Claudine's eyes. She already knows her answer. She's sure of it. No matter how devastating it might be.
She draws in a deep, trembling breath, but speaks without wavering.
"What happens now… is we never see one another again."
Instantly, she closes her eyes, so she won't have to see Claudine's agonized reaction. Maya just keeps talking.
"That is how it must be, Claudine. You and I must never speak or see each other again. Even if you now know my secret, I trust you with my family's lives to keep it. But for the safety of everyone involved - yourself and your own family included - we must end this here and now…" Her tone is hard and somber, full of conviction, as she knows this is the correct, safe option for the both of them.
"Although it pains me, and I know it pains you just as deeply... we must forget this day ever happened. We must return to living our separate lives and try to live as comfortably as possible, given what we know now. But we must move on and leave each other behind. That is simply… how it must be…"
"I refuse."
"...Eh…?"
Maya blinks open her eyes to find Claudine not upset, but rather annoyed. She gives her own answer just as sternly as Maya had given hers.
"I said I refuse. Or did three years of hiding make you hard of hearing?"
Maya blinks again. And again.
Baffled. Dumbfounded. Stupefied.
"But… Claudine, the constraints and the rules I must live by-"
"I don't give a damn about your rules. Has anyone given you any problems since you moved to France?"
"No."
"Then what's the point of staying in hiding after so long? No. No way in hell am I going to let you run off again and leave me behind. I'm not just gonna roll over and pretend like I didn't just see you alive today and touch you with my own two hands. I refuse. You're not getting away from me again, and I'm not letting you go, Tomita Maya." The new name sounds strange to her, but Claudine will honor her new identity at the very least. "I'll keep your secret. You know I will. I'll keep it even if it means I put myself in danger."
"Claudine, I don't-"
"I wasn't finished," Claudine continues. "I'll never breathe a word of Tendo Maya again when anyone else can hear it. You'll be Tomita Maya, and we'll get to know each other as strangers in our new walks of life. But I will not accept being left behind again. Do you understand me, Maya?"
Maya had listened in a stunned state of shock, unable to interject or even attempt to change her mind in all of this. But even so, she has to try and talk some sense into her, for Claudine's own safety.
"Claudine… I appreciate your sentiment. Truly I do. But I-"
"This sounds like the rebuttal of someone who doesn't appreciate my sentiment," Claudine growls. "If you appreciate it, then accept it."
"I cannot." Maya remains as steadfast as possible. "Even in spite of the inactivity of the group in question over the years, I cannot put you at risk like that."
"You're not putting me at risk. I'm putting myself at risk."
"That isn't any better. Please listen to yourself, Claudine-"
"No, you listen!" Claudine snaps. "I am not going to live the rest of my life in misery without you, especially not now that I know you're alive! For three years you've lived your life in secrecy like you wanted. Well now it's my turn to live my life how I want - with you in it."
Maya deflates more and more with every word Claudine says to her.
"Claudine… really, I… I am so thankful to hear you say all of this… But I've spent three years running and hiding… What makes you think you'll be able to find me again after we part ways tonight…?"
"I literally know where you live now."
"A-And what if I have witness protection relocate me overnight?"
"You'd better not, if you know what's good for you. If you pull a stunt like that, the Yakuza will be the least of your worries. Besides, who ever said we'd be parting ways tonight? I'm not about to let you out of my sight for a second, Tendo Maya."
"Wh- You'd said you would honor my new name-"
"In front of other people," Claudine reminds her. "But when it's just us, you'll always be Tendo Maya."
With all of this, Maya truly has no option left but to relent, and admit defeat.
She should have known. Should have known from the very moment she'd turned back to catch her that she'd sealed her own fate right then and there.
Of course Claudine would never let her go again. No matter the danger. No matter the risk. Of course she'd never accept such a tragic ending to their story.
And of course Maya is too weak to resist her.
After all, she loves Claudine far too much - she always has, and she always will. Be it a platonic kind of love, romantic, or otherwise.
Either way, it's undeniable. They are soulmates. They are meant to be.
And now that they've found each other again, it would take more than just Hell or high water to tear them apart a second time.
So Maya concedes to her, just like old times.
"Very well." She dips her head. "You win, Saijou Claudine."
Claudine smirks up at her, wiping away the few little tears that had dripped free from her own face, and then reaching out to clear away Maya's too.
"I'll never get tired of hearing that from you." She wraps her arms around Maya again and presses close against her. "You can trust me with your life, and your parents' lives. You know that. And I'll trust you with mine."
Maya locks her arms around her back, solidifying the promise.
"Very well. What happens now… is that we live. Come what may, we live. Together."
"Damn right."
Even if things went wrong somehow from here on out, neither Maya nor Claudine wanted to have any regrets.
A/N: Maya and Claudine have spoken, released the pent-up emotions that have built for years and years... and they have chosen to stay on this new path. Together. In spite of whatever dangers or uncertainties may lie in wait...
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