Part One – Firewhisky and Lemon Sherbert Chasers
It had been 8 months since the Battle of Hogwarts that had seen the reign of the dark lord Voldemort end. Hermione Granger was sitting in the dark of her parents kitchen, deep in thought or rather stuck on one thought in particular. She never noticed her Mum slide into the room who had suspected Hermione would again be sulking as she had been for nearly every night for the last month.
"Hun are you okay?" She asked gently.
At first startled, Hermione quickly straightened her shoulders ready to give a nonchalant explanation that she was fine, but her shoulders dropped almost immediately and she lifted her head to face her Mum. "Not really" the tears slowly emerging and making tracks on her cheeks, glistening from the moonlight pouring through the window. Her Mum felt a sudden urge to go hug her daughter and provide a reassuring comfort only a mother can provide, it is a horrible thing for a parent to see their child in turmoil over matters of the heart. "What's wrong my dear, is it about Ron?" Her Mum asked as she placed herself in the chair opposite, her hands reaching across the table to take Hermione's. She gave them a gentle squeeze, they were warm and wet, clearly used to wipe away past tears. "No, not Ron. We're okay now, after the break up it was pretty awkward but we talked it through. He's actually met someone else now, one of Ginny's friends…" but she couldn't really finish, she wished it had been about Ron.
"Is it about Harry?" Her Mum asked carefully hoping not to make her cry.
"Of course it is!" She snapped, surprising herself but before she could apologize she felt the tears well up again.
"Dear, it's been 8 months and a lot has happened since then. You need to talk to him, tell him how you feel"
"How can I?! He's with Ginny, she's my friend and so is he".
"I know that, but it's tearing you up keeping all this bottled up. He's your friend, he'll understand darling. For once stop protecting others and do something for you". With that she rose leaned across, gave Hermione a kiss on the head and left the room.
Do something for you…
Maybe she was right, Hermione had always put everyone else's needs before her own and why shouldn't she get what she wanted for once. There was a sudden burst of excitement tingling inside herself, she got up, reached for her wand and an otter patronus emerged, illuminating the whole kitchen like a firework. Then just as quickly as it had burst into light, it plunged back into darkness as the patronus raced out into the night for its intended recipient. Hermione suddenly froze, she'd actually done it, she quickly moved to a cupboard and swiftly removed a bottle of Firewhisky. Her Dad always kept a bottle around even though he wasn't much of a drinker, she poured herself a small glass and drained it immediately. Before she could even place the glass down a loud crack came from the hallway followed by the sound of someone clattering into the coat rack.
Hermione held her wand tight and opened the kitchen door that led into the vestibule, where a dark figure was struggling against the multiple coats that had entangled them. Hermione carefully aimed her wand at the intruder but slowly dropped her outstretched wand arm and muttered "Lemon sherbet".
The arms of the coats that had held the figure in a tight grip automatically fell limp and the figure fell to the ground and then slowly rose "Lumos" he muttered as light spilled from the wand. "You enchanted the jackets?!" He quizzed while taking a couple of gulps of air glancing carefully back at the jackets as if they were going to mount a second attack. He fixed his skewed glasses which rested on his nose, magnifying the brilliance of his green eyes.
"Of course I did, never quite know who will appear in your hallway" Hermione quickly retorted.
"Fair enough" Harry commented, remembering he still had a number of the old enchantments active in Grimmuald Place, "but you were the one who called for me" he grinned.
Hermione blushed, how could she have forgotten she had literally sent him a patronus not two minutes beforehand. "I said can you come round when you had a spare minute or two. Not immediately!"
"I thought you know...you might've been in trouble or something," he protested.
"And I wouldn't have been able to have dealt with it myself?"
"No! Not at all! I just...you know" he faltered, but had not seen that it was now Hermione who was grinning in the dim hallway.
"Relax, I know" she reassured him. He soon caught sight of her grin, her bushy brown hair draping her shoulders on both sides. It was slightly matted to her skin, just under her right eye as if she had been crying.
"Are you okay, what did you want to talk about?" He asked.
Suddenly aware they were both standing in the hallway, Hermione took Harry through to the kitchen and made him a cup of Honeydukes hot chocolate. Harry sat sipping the warm liquid as the steam from the cup fogged up his glasses, Hermione sat down across from him and Harry began, "Sorry I just apparated over here it was just that I wanted to check in on you, it's been awhile. Sorry about that too." He added guiltily.
"It's been hard, you know even after everything that we did to just try and be normal" Hermione said, thinking it best to just dive in. Harry gently placed the mug on the table but remained silent, he looked intently at Hermione. She continued, "It was really hard with Ron after everything and I think I began to realise that we had only ever been good friends. The other side of it had been born out of fear we might not make it out of the war, we got close during those dark times. But when that ended and it was just the two of us with nothing threatening to end the world as we know it...well we noticed all the big differences between us and how small the similarities were that had kept us together. Don't get me wrong I love him dearly but well you know what he was like".
Harry knew exactly what she meant, Ron as great as he was could sometimes be the most emotionally dense person ever. Harry had often wondered personally whether Ron would be able to keep up with someone as passionate and motivated as Hermione.
"I know what you mean," Harry said, taking another sip from his cup.
"Well it's just that I've been thinking a lot lately about things I felt at the time before the war had started properly, things I never acted upon"
"Like what?" Harry questioned her.
"Like…"she struggled to get the words out, she rose quickly, grabbed the Firewhisky and poured herself a quick drink. She then slid it along the table to Harry and said "you might want a bit too" before emptying the contents of her glass. "Harry, I felt things for you back then. Feelings that were more than friend feelings and ones that I never acted upon. I mean how could I! You literally had the weight of the world on your shoulders, I didn't want to jeopardize anything that could have got us all killed. More than half the time we were trying to avoid being killed nevermind me pestering you with my feelings." She paused but decided to keep it going, "I thought sometimes we had this connection and there were times I just wanted to tell you to see if you felt it too. As time wore on it just got more difficult for me to mention anything and then well, Ron and Ginny...well it all became really complicated".She finished, slightly out of breath as she has done a couple of laps around the kitchen table. She fidgeted slightly as she glanced at Harry trying to gauge a reaction.
Harry had taken in the words and tried to not to look stunned at this revelation, he had not expected anything like what Hermione had just said. He caught Hermione's big doe eyes, he had always liked her eyes, and stretched out his arm and twisted open the top for the Firewhisky. He poured a rather generous portion into his hot chocolate and swigged it in one. "Since when?" He spluttered slightly.
"Since when, what? Hermione hadn't quite caught the meaning of his short response.
"Since when did you start feeling those feelings?"
"Erm...it's hard to pinpoint because of everything but I definitely remember being confused around the time we saved Buckbeak and Sirius with the time turner in 3rd year".
"I had thoughts about you too, you know" Harry said almost silently, he was staring down into his cup. "It was during the Triwizard Tournament, you had stuck by me, through all the torment of Potter Stinks, studying relentlessly in the library to make sure I didn't die, it kept me going. But I had always known Ron liked you, even if he didn't quite know it himself. Plus everything with Krum at the time too, I didn't know where to place the feelings. Afterwards you got closer to Ron and I was getting closer to Ginny and I guess that's the way I thought it would be." He slowly raised his head, his eyes darting to Hermione's face trying to pick up if anything of what he had just mumbled into his cup registered with her.
Hermione was crippled with the information that had just dropped out of Harry's mouth, not only did she never in her wildest dreams expect Harry to admit he had at some point feelings for her or rather that in her 3rd year at Hogwarts she would of had three boys Ron Weasley, Viktor Krum and Harry Potter all thinking interested in her. That last part she thought was something she would like to relive with the knowledge she now had. She quickly gathered her thoughts for a response.
"I never knew that Harry, I was focused on keeping you alive. I didn't want to put confused feelings into a mix of dragons and dementors, I didn't want us to forget that we would at some point have to face You Know Who and be ready for that fight".
Harry squirmed, yet again one of the people closest to him had sacrificed something for him. It was the greatest feeling of despair when he realised the amount other people had given in the fight, a fight he would have wholeheartedly taken on of his own free will. It still gave him nightmares thinking of those that had given the biggest sacrifice. In this case Hermione had sacrificed her feelings to help him, to join him on his task to take down Voldemort without hesitation or fear she might never get to declare the feelings she had.
"Don't even bother Harry!" Hermione started, "You know bloody well I joined the fight of my own accord so wipe that look off your face". He smirked, he knew she would always pull him back from that abyss. "Look I just wanted to say that since everything has passed I've found myself thinking about those feelings and well...how they are unresolved. I know you are with Ginny but I just needed to tell you"
"Hermione...I'm with Ginny and…" he was struggling
"Forget it Harry" Hermione was not going to force him to explain something she knew already.
"No it's not like that...if only I had known earlier, it might have been different"
Hermione hadn't expected that response, she would have thought nothing less of Harry to say that he loved Ginny and that was that. But he was talking like something could have happened.
"Hermione, I sometimes wonder about it...about the feelings I had for you back then but I love Ginny and it would…" he was looking sad as if he was resigned to saying something that he knew could not change.
"Harry...I know"
"I would have said yes.."
"Yes to what"
"If you had told me back then...how you felt. I would have said yes…"
Suddenly conscious this was the sort of talk that leads to nowhere apart from feeling worse off than she already did, Hermione glanced at the clock "Thanks Harry, well look it's really late now. I just needed it off my chest. Get home safe, Ginny will be worried if she finds out you're gone". Harry nodded and readjusted his cloak, "oh and Harry, please don't mention this to anyone".
"Hermione Granger, you can always trust me" his grin flashing across his face as he turned on the spot and vanished.
"Jesus", Hermione sighed as she leaned back in the chair glancing at the ceiling. She knew the conversation could have only gone one way, what else did she expect. That Harry would have gushed about his undying love for her and they would start anew? But he had unexpectedly told her he had similar feelings...at some point. But he was right, at that time she knew Ron liked her and more to the point that Ginny had liked Harry. Everyone had figured Harry would end up with Ginny and her with Ron, although she fondly remembered a comment from Dumbledore years ago when he had caught her staring at Harry. "You know Miss Granger, it can be hard to find exactly what you want, sometimes facing a situation of overwhelming choice. It's hard to find but once you find it be sure to hold onto it". His piercingly blue eyes reading what was written across her face.
"Professor?!" She half screamed half whispered before catching herself. She began to digest what he had just said and was blushing. Was he? Did he know?
"Lemon Sherbet…that's what I love," he said, waiting then winking over his half crescent moon spectacles. Hermione was stunned...was he seriously talking about his love of lemon sherbert or giving love advice in the form of confectionery. This to be fair was what made Dumbledore...well Dumbledore. No one ever really knew what he meant...not until it was too late.
Crookshanks made a low purring noise as he slinked in between Hermione's legs causing her to startle a little. Her mind brought back to the present…"if only I had known earlier" Harry's voice echoed in her head. If only I could go back and tell him. She sat upright, two of the chair legs coming dangerously close to Crookshanks tail as they rested back onto the kitchen floor causing him to hiss in frustration. A small smile started to etch it's way across her face. She had all the time in the world, how could she have forgotten that in the bottom of her old school trunk sat the time turner that Dumbledore had given her. She left the kitchen immediately and made her way to her bedroom. She dashed across the room and pulled the trunk out from underneath her bed. There it lay at the bottom right corner, next to some inkwells and quills, she picked it up and admired it. Then suddenly a crashing realisation hit her, was she really prepared to do this? If she went back in time and told Harry how she felt, it could change everything. What happens if he laughs at her and tells her to stop being silly. But he had said he was feeling the same way so how could it cause any drastic change except that they would know how each other felt. She stared at the time turner intently, weighing up the options, the bronze glinting in the light from the lamp on her bedside table...she knew what she had to do.