Chapter 2 :: Law of Inertia (Universe in Action)

:::

A man in my shoes runs a light
And all the papers lied tonight
But falling over you
Is the news of the day

:::

"Finn?"

"Um... hi Rachel."

Talk about an awkward situation. Rachel wished for nothing more than for the earth to open up and swallow her whole right then and there. It was too much. Her heart was racing and she was certain she was going to have a full-blown panic attack right there on a New York subway car in the middle of the day. Being in such a confined space with him after all this time – even though he was still seated about thirty feet away – it was just too much. She never liked surprises BEFORE everything that happened; she likes them even less now.

Rachel felt the lump forming in her oh-so tight throat and hoped she wouldn't cry. She'd done enough of that already today in her therapy session (again). Time to put those amazing acting skills of hers to use, she supposed.

What was he even doing here? In New York? Was he looking for her? Surely he doesn't know, he couldn't have found out... unless... did Santana finally crack and spill the T? No, San wouldn't do that to her. And she was pretty sure if he knew, THIS wouldn't be the way she's seeing him again after all this time. He likely would have tracked her down a lot sooner if he knew, and he probably wouldn't be sitting across this train car the way he is right now.

Still, he's here, in New York, when he's supposed to be in college in Ohio. He's not supposed to be sitting here in a NYC subway car, her subway car in her city, looking at her with his beautiful whiskey brown eyes and his beautiful freckled face and making her want to crawl into a hole in the earth to avoid a panic attack.

And now it seemed like that thirty feet of distance wasn't even going to serve as the bubble wrap she needed, since she saw him stand up and begin walking her way.

. . . . .

He had to blink several times to be sure it wasn't his imagination. She's here. She's right here, right now, in the same space as him, breathing the same air... and this time she can't get away so easily.

Finn decided after this length of time he wasn't hurt anymore. He wasn't angry. He was just... confused, and still hoping for some real answers.

Most of all, he just needed to know she was okay.

He'd spent months in turmoil, worried sick about her. He'd known something was wrong on their last phone call – the one from more than a year ago (fifteen months, two weeks and four and a half days, to be precise – but who's counting?). The call where she picked a fight with him and ended their communications. He knew something was off back then but she refused to tell him anything. Or, well, what she did tell him was just a bunch of crap, he was certain of that much, but he couldn't seem to get through to her to find out what it was really all about.

For weeks after that last call, he continued trying to reach her. She'd refused to answer his calls or texts. She didn't ever seem to be on any social media anymore. Kurt was in France so he was no help, and Tana was acting like Rachel's personal sentry, refusing to let him past her locked gate.

About a month after that, he'd gotten desperate enough on one particularly bad night spent drowning his sorrows and commiserating with Puck over the fuckeduppedness of it all that he almost went there to track her down in person. And if he hadn't been so shit-faced drunk to the point where he couldn't operate the computer well enough to punch in his credit card info, he would've been on the next flight out to New York.

After that call, she just sort of disappeared. Like a ghost. She stopped communicating with any of their friends and eventually changed her phone number too. He actually sent her a handwritten letter but it came back marked return to sender. Nobody knew where she was or what had happened, but he was positive something had to be wrong for her to talk to him the way she had that night.

He even went to the extreme of stopping by to see her dads, hoping to get some shred of insight, but he was greeted by an empty house (his mother later informed him they were away on an extended year-long European cruise and would be gone until at least late spring).

He didn't think her reasons for this break in communication had anything to do with their last night spent together at the hotel after Mr Schue's non-wedding. He'd already talked to her plenty after that, right up until she was about to go on her Funny Girl callback. She even knew about his little detour to NYC to clean Brody's clock and had actually sounded thankful about it... by all accounts, she was happy and there seemed to be zero communication defects between them.

In fact, he thought things had been going so well that maybe they were finally finally getting back to the closeness they'd shared before their last breakup – not dating again yet, no, but still best friends. Friends with potential; close like they always used to be (before he crushed her on the day he was supposed to start calling her Mrs Hudson). Close enough to lean on one another for anything. ANYTHING.

God knows there's nothing she could ever do to make him turn away willingly, not anymore. (And he still wishes he'd have just forgiven her for that fucking thing with Puck back in high school instead of derailing them for half a year and having to fight like hell to win her back all over again).

Bottom line was that he loved her. He always had and he always would. Didn't matter if she was upset or not talking to him or being crazy or dating someone else; their time would come eventually, and no matter what he was always going to love her. He looked at it as both blessing and curse but he wouldn't trade that or her for the world.

At least he'd recognized their pattern by now. Seems like every year or so their relationship just needs to hit the reset button in some big dramatic way – although he'd be damned if he knew WHY that had to be.

He thought during senior year they were finally done with the drama. They were happy and in love and everything was perfect. Then of course, he was the idiot who went and dropped them off a cliff again. (Okay maybe the holy-shit-bomb his mom dropped on him about his dad had a little something to do with his idiocy back then, or the fact that he still really didn't know what in the actual fuck he was going to do with himself in New York while she was off living her dreams, but he could've found another way to approach the situation. Add that to his long list of youthful regrets.)

All the past fuck-ups aside, after the Brody of it all, he honestly thought they'd just have this long period of calm, of friendship, rekindling, rebuilding... of working their way back to one another. He'd still planned to be there with her in New York one day come hell or high water, he knew it was only a matter of time.

He just didn't expect the water to get that high on a random weekday afternoon in a subway car. At least, not after that last phone call...

. . . . .

Almost Sixteen Months Ago...

"Rach? Hey, finally! Thought I was getting your voicemail again for a minute. I've been trying to reach you for days! Is everything okay? How was the callback?"

"Oh ah, it was... it was great. Yeah. I um, I chose Don't Stop, you know? I th-thought it really fit what you said I should do."

"That's awesome Rach! Perfect song choice too... see, and you were worried. I bet you just nailed it, I mean how could you not? But, y'know, you were supposed to call me after, and I got worried when I didn't hear from you. Is anything wrong? You sound a little... off."

He knew by the sound of her breathing that she was gearing up to tell him something difficult.

"Finn, I just... I've been thinking about things and... I think after my last trip to Lima, it's pretty clear that you and I need to... t-to take some space, to just focus on our own things for a while. "

"What? What does that mean?"

"I... I mean, Finn, you kissed Miss Pillsbury for god's sake! And you and Mr Schue have been at odds and you quit helping with Glee and, well, your life is a mess. You're a great mechanic Finn, but you're worth so much more than that. And your dreams are bigger than that too, I know they are. I want you to fix things with Mr Schue and focus on Glee club and your school plans and—"

"Hey, hey Rach, hold on a minute. Where is all of this coming from? And how did you even know about me and Mr Schue?"

"Kurt told me. He talked to Tina and she filled him in. Finn, I told you it was better not to confess to Mr Schuester... and I know y-you think you did what you needed to do. I'm sure it cleared your guilty conscience too, but really, all it did was interfere with their relationship more."

"I... No, Rachel, it was important for me to tell him the truth. He was blaming himself over Emma leaving him at the altar and then he was moping around like a giant sad-sack and not fighting to get her back and... and why don't you see how telling the truth was better, was the right thing?"

"Hey, being right doesn't automatically mean it's better. I told you the truth about something on two different occasions that nearly destroyed you... and that second time just.., it tore us to pieces for a very long time. And you, you need Mr Schue in your life. You don't need me distracting you, just like I don't need you distracting me."

"Wait, what the... what the hell are you talking about, Rachel? Just back up... Are you saying you wish you HADN'T been honest with me? Are you saying if you had a do-over, you wouldn't have told me about Quinn's baby, or or about you and Puck?"

"Well, no.. I don't regret telling you about Quinn, even though I knew how it was going to devastate you, you still needed to know... but that situation was completely different from the other one."

"So you wish you'd lied to me about cheating on me, kept the truth hidden, the same way Quinn lied about Puck? Rachel that's just—"

"I didn't say that! I.. I just wonder sometimes how differently things would have turned out for us if-if we'd never broken up that time..."

"I'll tell you how it would've gone, Rachel. Yeah, we probably would've made it past the whole Santana thing and stayed together, but at some point, either Puck would've told me the truth or you would have said something eventually. The truth would've come out and it would have turned out the exact same way – except by then, I probably would have never wanted to forgive you for cheating and also lying to me too.

"I mean, how could you – YOU of all people – even think that deceiving me would have been the right thing? You've always prided yourself on being honest and expected the same in return. It's like, one of the most impressive things about you, your truthfulness. One of the things I love the most about you. And if you'd lie to me over something that big, the trust would be broken, maybe permanently... But you KNOW that already, which is why you DIDN'T hide it from me."

He was sure he heard a sob break from her just then, but he continued.

"I just don't understand, Rach, baby, where's all of this even coming from anyway? Like, something is totally wrong here. And saying I need Mr Schue but not YOU in my life? That's bullshit too – and I know YOU KNOW it's bullshit. So tell me what's going on. I can hear how upset you are, just... talk to me, please... Is it your dads? Or did something happen at school? Because I know you, and I KNOW something isn't right, Rach."

"Finn..." He heard a few sniffles and then she was quiet for a long beat before saying anything else.

"Nothing's wrong Finn. Nothing except the fact that we keep trying to cling to our connection, our, our TETHER as you put it, and it's just, it's just strangling us both! We always thought it was our lifeline, but for me, it-it's becoming like a-a noose... I-I just think it's time we cut the cord, for now at least."

His stomach dropped to his feet and took his heart right along with it. He couldn't believe what she'd just said. "Rach... you don't mean that. I can't... I mean unless... have uh, have you and Brody, like... has something changed, and you're exclusive now or something? Please tell me you haven't gotten back with him or..."

"No! It-it's not about HIM or anyone else, Finn! It's just, it's ME! I need space! I can't... I can't focus on being ME here while you're there and always pulling me back into your world all the time, it's too hard. I need to just... I think it's best if we don't talk for a while, that's all. You go focus on the things you need to do, get your life back on track, and I'll focus on me here. Remember what you told me before, at the train station? If the universe wants us to be together, then someday we will be."

"But... no. I mean yeah, I know I said that, but I fucked up before, Rach! I shouldn't have ever let you go there alone like that. I wish I... but I didn't and I know I screwed it up, okay? But still, I don't understand what's happening here NOW. There's just no way you meant what you said. I don't buy it. No. I'm not buying it... C'mon Rachel, I lo—"

"Don't Finn. Please don't say it. Look, I... I have to go now... please don't try to call back."

"NO! Rachel wait, we still need to–"

"Goodbye Finn... take care of yourself."

"Don't hang up yet, please! Rach, hel – hello, Rachel? Rach?! FUCK!"

. . . . .

He walked across the length of the car and unceremoniously dropped down in the seat directly opposite her now, just staring at her as she stared back. Face to face (and heart to heart) for the first time in nearly a year and a half and neither of them seemed to know what to say to the other (still pretending?).

"How have you been?" She finally broke the silence (along with her eye contact). He wore the ghost of a smile on his stubbled face as he studied hers. She looked very nervous... uncomfortable even. Her clothes even looked uptight, skin tight dark wash jeans and a thin gray sweater buttoned right up to her throat.

"Fine. You?"

"Fine."

Okay, this was awkward as hell.

"Y-you look well."

"And you look beautiful as ever, Rach." Her eyes found his and she forced a small smile. He truthfully hated when she did that – especially when he had no idea WHY. Her eyes seemed just a little red and puffy, had she been crying?

"So, you're in New York... a-are you here for Kurt, because I didn't think he was back from Paris yet...?"

"No, he's not. No, I um... I live here." He watched as her eyes grew wide with disbelief and her mouth went slack-jawed. "But then, you would have known that, if we were still talking. I'm sorry... I didn't mean for that to sound shitty or whatever. It's just the truth."

She appeared to be finding the rusty spot on the hand rail next to him extremely fascinating all of a sudden and he really wished she'd just LOOK at him. Why was she acting like this?

Before Finn could say anything more, the train came to a sudden halt, jostling the pair of them and throwing Rachel forward toward his lap. He grabbed her by the arms to steady her and she stiffened under his touch with an expression he was pretty sure he'd never seen her wear before. He'd swear it looked like fear.

The conductor's voice came over the P-A system after a few seconds to inform them there was a maintenance problem. They had to wait for repairs before they could proceed so expect at least a thirty minute delay.

If Rachel had looked nervous or fearful before, she looked downright terrified now. She was a ghostly shade of pale and her eyes shifted back and forth from windows to door to door.

"Hey, Rach," he leaned toward her a little and gripped her knee, stunned when he noticed her whole body flinch. "Hey, it's cool, everything's fine. I'm sure we'll be moving again soon."

After straightening up in her seat and staring him down with narrowed eyes she snapped, "I'm well aware of how New York City transit works Finn." She began feverishly tapping away a message on her cell phone, then cursed under her breath when she realized there was no signal. She sighed loudly and looked back at him again, this time with a softer expression. "I.. I'm sorry. I'm just not having a great day and I really do need to be home on time."

He nodded in understanding. "It's okay. Sorry for your crappy day."

She offered a small smile and her body language seemed to relax just a little. "So um, y-you were saying... that you live here now? What happened to Lima University? I hope you didn't drop out, because I never wanted that for you."

"I didn't drop out. I transferred to NYU. Six months ago."

"SIX MONTHS? You've been here since... well. Well... th-that's really incredible, Finn. I'm proud of you. I always knew you were New York good, whatever that means. But it meant something to you, so... I'm happy for you." Whatever limited eye contact she was making was fleeting and didn't sit well with him at all.

"You said you really need to be home. So where's home now? Because I know you moved out of the loft."

"H-how do you know that?"

"Well, because when I first got here I tried to come see you. The new tenants were none too happy to find me on their doorstep demanding information."

"Oh. Yeah, I moved out of the loft almost a year ago."

When she didn't offer any more details than that he felt a little insulted, a little hurt. So what, she doesn't want him to know where she's living? Why would she just up and leave like that in the first place? She looks completely broken and if he was worried about her before he's fucking terrified now over whatever the hell made her cut ties with him so suddenly and go into hiding like this.

"Okay. If you don't wanna tell me where home is now, that's fine. Ssso... why don't you tell me how you really are, Rachel? And maybe include, like, what the hell actually happened over a year ago?"

"There's nothing to tell, Finn. I already explained it to you. I just needed to focus on myself, and I wanted you to focus on your life, on figuring out your future. Why does it have to be more than that?"

Now that he has her sitting in front of him in the flesh, it's even more obvious than it was on the phone that she's lying to him. Why the hell won't she just talk to him?

"Rach..." he placed a hand lightly on her knee, and this time she didn't flinch. "Look at me please? You aren't being YOU right now, y'know? I know something happened over a year ago, I just don't understand what was so bad that you wouldn't tell me or thought you coul—"

"Finn, there's nothing to tell. I've already explained myself, repeatedly. I'm sorry if that answer doesn't satisfy you."

He wasn't buying it at all, not then and definitely not now. Either her acting skills had completely gone down the tubes or he can just still read her as well as he always used to, but she was totally hiding something from him. He realized he was having to fight against the bite in his tone.

"Okay. So how's all of that been working out, the focusing on yourself thing without me distracting you? How's school? Have you been auditioning? Are you blowing away the producers yet?" He knew by the look on her face that she was NOT happy with this line of questioning, and if they were back in the choir room right now he was sure a classic Rachel Berry storm out would be on the near horizon.

Alright maybe he was still just a little bit angry.

"I'm... things are fine. I've been busy, working."

He shot an eyebrow into his hairline, noting the vagueness in her response but not wanting to push too hard. "Yeah? That's good. 'Cause y'know, I waited to hear from you about Fanny and then... nothing. I finally had to read about it on a Broadway blog that some Lea Rochelle chick got it. So like, did something go wrong at your callback? I mean, it's okay if you didn't get the part, but you didn't need to drop off the planet because of it. I would've—"

"Her name is Michele not Rochelle."

"Oh. Well, whoever she is... all I remember was seeing a picture posted with her and her boyfriend online. They looked awfully happy together. I guess he was supposed to be some big-shot actor on a high school musical type TV show, but I never heard of him. I just remember seeing the way he looked at her in that photo and thinking, y'know, that could've been us someday..."

Glossing over his musings, she sputtered out a statement that made his stomach twist. "Anyway, I - I always knew Fanny was a longshot. I mean, who am I, after all? Just some no-name nobody girl with no experience and a decent voice, and there are a million of those on Broadway."

What the hell? A decent voice? A no-name nobody? Nuh-uh. She is RACHEL BERRY and she has the most incredible voice he's ever heard – that ANYONE has ever heard. As a freshman she'd won a winter showcase at NYADA –the mere fact that a first year student was invited at all was a feat unheard of at the prestigious institution. And she knows how damn good she is – or well, she used to. Where the fuck was this self-deprecating crap coming from? These insecurities are worse than sophomore year Rachel; at least that Rachel had a fire in her belly and told herself and the world that she was a fucking star on the rise.

Where did his girl disappear to? What the hell happened to her? Whatever it was it had to be huge enough to shatter her entire world view... and not even tell him about it.

Finn sighed and sat back in his seat. She was still entirely emotionally walled-off to him, even though she was right here before him within arms reach. Even after all this time she wasn't ready to talk about whatever was the actual root cause of that call over a year ago.

"How's Carole? And Burt? Are they well?"

Whoa... does that mean she has not even talked to KURT? "Yeah, they're great. Mom was a little sad when I decided to move out here, but she was proud of me too."

"Rightfully so... And Glee? What ever happened with–"

"Rach? Why are you being like this with me? Did I really screw something up and I don't remember it? I mean, you called me nearly every day after Mr Schue's wedding for a little while, and then nothing, and then... then that last call. I just... You avoiding me, cutting me out so abruptly... it felt a whole lot like you never wanting to see me again or like, maybe you hated me, and I just can't figure out what I did."

"Finn, NO, I don't hate you! I could.. I could never, ever hate you. I'm sorry. I just... I've had a rough year or so and–"

He cut her off by pulling her out of her seat into a bear hug. "Rach I've missed you so much and I've been so fucking worried about you. I just... I need to know you're okay. I need to know that there's still room for me in your heart, if not right this minute then at least maybe someday... but mostly I need to know that YOU are okay."

Her rigid body melted in his arms after a few moments and she started to sob. "I'm sorry Finn, I'm so sorry... I've missed you too, and I... I'm sure I hurt you but I just needed..."

"I know Rach. You've said it over and over what you needed. I can tell whatever it was, it's not over yet, you're still going through it. And if you really can't tell me, or don't trust me to tell me that's... well, I'll accept it for now. I just want you to know that I'm still here, whenever you're ever ready to explain it to me."

She pulled back from his embrace and peered up into his gorgeous face. "Of course I trust you, it's not about trusting you... and Finn, you're always in my heart. I'm sorry I made you doubt that. I just wanted what was best for-for both of us at the time."

They suddenly felt the train shake back to life as it began to move away from the spot where they'd been stuck. The couple both took their seats, this time Finn sitting right next to her.

"Oh! Thank god we're moving again! I'm already so late getting home and... well. That's my problem. Is your stop coming soon? Mine is about two stops from here."

"Uh, no, I have like five more to go. Listen, I'd really love to take you out for lunch or drinks or–"

"My life is really busy and complicated, Finn. I don't think I have time for a social life right now."

"Okay, well, can I get your new phone number at least? Maybe we can talk more when we're not stranded on a train and blindsiding each other?"

"I... I don't think that's such a good idea right now either."

"Why not?"

"Because Finn, I know you, and I know that it starts with the texts then the calls then you'll want more, more of my time, more that I just... my life won't allow it right now. And I don't wanna disappoint you like that. I know you think I'm being cruel, but I just think it'd be better for us in the long run."

She was sure hell-bent on making this as difficult and complicated for him as possible. More stubborn than he's ever seen her. And it was KILLING him not knowing what the hell was going on with her, but he knew one thing for damn certain: he wasn't giving up on her. Or on them.

"Okay. I might disagree with you but then, I don't know what exactly you're dealing with. Tell you what. How about I give you MY address and my schedule, and, well you should have my number already, right?"

"If it's the same as it always was, then yes, I still have it written down."

Written down? So what, she didn't even add him as a contact in her new phone? Okay whatever, he wasn't gonna dwell on it. Rachel was always quirky and prone to bizarre diva fits, and whatever the hell prompted this new phase of crazy, he was gonna get to the bottom of it someday, somehow. He just hoped that maybe now that she knows he's HERE, in her city – their city now – that maybe she'll decide sooner than later to let him back in. He'll just keep being patient until she does.

"Okay. Well, I work at Ralph's Autobody in Brooklyn and the owner lets me and Puck stay rent free in an little apartment space in the back."

"PUCK? You mean Noah's here too?"

"Yeah... he said he didn't trust my pansy-ass to move to the big city alone... Whatever. Anyway... whenever you might have some free time or things change at all, you call me. Okay? Day or night, I don't care when or why, just... call me or come find me, when you're ready."

She added his employer contact info to her phone and took down his NYU schedule. Her stop was next and she knew she'd be stepping off this train in about sixty seconds and may not see him again, certainly not any time soon if she could help it. With only that much time left and wanting to go back into hiding, she did the only thing that made sense to her. She kissed him. The kiss totally caught him off guard, but she felt his hands slide across her cheeks and into her hair.

He simply cradled her head and reciprocated the soft, sweet gesture without trying to deepen it or lose himself too much – after all, she'd basically shut him down a dozen ways from Sunday and who the hell knew when he'd be seeing or hearing from her again. So he simply returned her gesture in kind, kissing back until she stopped.

She rested her forehead against him for a moment and he saw the tears collecting in her lashes again. He wanted to just wrap her in his arms and tell her whatever it was, that everything was gonna be okay, that he'd find a way to make it okay... but he knew he couldn't do that right now.

Without a word, she stood up and walked toward the exit door without looking back. A few seconds later she was gone.

This was surely the weirdest encounter he's ever had with this girl since she came into his life, and he had a sinking feeling whatever her secret was, it was unimaginable and horrific and he wasn't even sure how he'd handle learning about something so tragic happening to her... was she sick? Was she mugged? He just had no idea what could be causing this much change in her. At least she said two things that make all this uncertainty a little easier to bear: he's still in her heart, and she still trusts him. He can work with that for now at least.

. . . . .

That night in bed as he fought against his brain that didn't wanna stop replaying the events of the day as he attempted to sleep, he heard his phone buzz from the nightstand. Fumbling in the dark he reached for it and smiled. A new text message received that simply said 'coffee tomorrow?'

He saved her new contact info to his phone and tapped back a quick reply, setting time and location, then fell into a deep comfortable sleep.

. . . . .

A/N - Chapter Heading/Opening lyrics from 'The Ghost In You' by the Psychedelic Furs

Newton's First Law of Motion (aka The Law of Inertia): An object at rest stays at rest; an object in motion stays in motion traveling at the same speed and in the same direction – unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.