AN: No cyber cookies for the Shi identity reveal (Shi is Kakashi, BTW: Vegetables and one-eye smiles, people); Cyber Cookies are reserved for chapter by chapter reveals and or reference callouts. By the way, Hiramaki, sorry, here's your Cyber Cookie. Somebody forgot to take them out of the oven. ...Steve...
Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
One Knuckleheaded Glutton
One Week
"Again, I can't thank you enough, hon." A stout Imp said as she was followed by a taller, serpentine Imp, who carried some purchases of hers to her car while she carried a massive pack of feed. Behind her, shouts and shots were exchanged by various Wrathion Imps.
"Twern't nuthin', Ma'am. Just the right thin' t' do." The taller, serpentine Imp grunted as he adjusted one of the ten bags in his hands. "Hard enough in this Ring as it is."
"Oh, aren't you just a doll?" she tittered. They got to the station wagon that looked like it was on its last legs and loaded it up with ease. Once she managed to tie the trunk door down, she looked up at the taller Imp with a smile. "You know, our family farm is looking for another set of hands for the upcoming festival. Would you like to come and meet my husband? He handles the hires."
"Why, ma'am, I'd be delighted. Just gotta get my things. What ranch was it, again?"
"Rough n' Tumbleweed! It's just a lil' ways past the Hack n' Razorback up the road, on the right."
"I'll make my way out there this afternoon, Ma'am."
"Wonderful. Thanks again, Mr...Oh, my," She giggled. "I'm sorry, I don't think I got your name."
"Not a problem, ma'am." Golden eyes gleamed and a sharp-toothed smile went wide as he tipped his hat. "You can call me Striker."
The first thing he saw when he woke up was a bright light.
"That's too fucking bright." Adam groaned. He tried to lift his arm to block the light that burned past his eyelids and immediately sucked in a sharp breath. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuck! What the fu—Where the fuck am I?"
"You are home."
Oh shit. He knew that voice.
"H-Hey!" Adam squinted through a smile that tugged at the skin on his face in the wrong way. Ow. Wait, shit, yep. That stupid straight blond hair, a jaw he wanted to shatter on a knuckle or two, and a twink body that always confused his glorious boner. "Gabe! You look...glorious!"
"And you officially look like you're full of shit." Gabriel the Archangel deadpanned. He was wearing a neat white shirt and pants — as most angels or heavenly inhabitants did — that was tight as fuck on his ass and made it bubbly sweet like Eve's. The Archangel's arms were crossed as he sat back in his seat. "Father told us what happened."
"O-oh." Adam's already weak smile waned. Fuck, he was going to get dressed down, wasn't he?
"Your first mistake—" Yep. Adam let his head flop back with a groan. He was getting chewed out. If Gabriel was here first, that meant Raphael and Michael were still to come. Great—
"Ow! The fuck, asshole?!"
"You must pay attention so that you may learn from your failures and not suffer them again, dumbass." Gabriel deadpanned before he cupped his chin. "Where was I? Ah yes, your 'strategy' in attacking Raquel. How many times do we need to emphasize that quantity does not beget quality?"
Ugh, he was going to be here forever.
Wearing another 'borrowed' shirt that fell to her mid thigh – this one was a deep navy blue with SHHHHH...No one cares printed on it; her boyfriend had either band shirts or joke prints and honestly? She was here for it – Loona muttered obscenities about a certain phallic growth attached to a certain stupid boyfriend under her breath as she limped down the stairs to the main lobby, a firm grip on the railing. She'd use him as a crutch considering her state was mostly his fault - at her instruction, but that was semantics and detrimental to her directed ire - but the fucker was already out of bed with a text explaining he was roused before dawn to check another toilet on the third floor.
The hellish Sun over Pride had crested by the time she woke and read his text; and then posted an morning pic to her 'Gram. Last night's Brag capped at two million likes and a good half that in the comments; the most she'd gotten on a post before was barely into the thousands. She had a total of four climaxes between rounds, and explored several other positions during the second – before anyone fucking asks: Yes, she did enjoy doggy-style on a base level. Fuck anyone of you perverted shitheads that thought less of her for it. Shit, she was pretty sure Naruto liked it just as much as she did, if not more so...Wait, was he an ass acquaintance or a chest companion? He gave both ends the same amount of attention, very appreciated amounts of attention...She can worry about that later, first, she needed a smoke, or coffee, or both – but fuck all if it didn't leave her a little sore taking his fucking knot twice.
One would think that after 'loosening' up the first time it'd be less painful. That hypothetical thinker needed a good punch to the face, a kick to the crotch and then to be electrocuted by a jumper cable hooked up to the I.M.P. Van. It was not any less painful, but she got accustomed to it sooner.
"Well, somebody looks like they had a good time." A snaggle-toothed Sinner smirked at her from where he nursed a – she sniffed – fresh cup of coffee. Black. Ugh, this sinner really was a psychopath. Angel Dust chuckled and raised his mug to her. "Thanks for the funds and the fun last night, Wolfie."
"I will rip your face off." She growled as she limped toward the kitchen and stumbled into a chair. Ugh, dammit, her balance was totally shot. "Fuck-!"
"Sit." A red hand led her around to sit in the same chair she stumbled into. Okay, uh, weird of Fatty to be so nice — she smelled fresh Vanilla latte. Why? Oh! Er…
"Uh, thanks, Millie." Loona blinked as an extra large cup of her usual Hotheads' latte was offered to her. The little Imp grinned at her.
"Anytime, hon." She skipped off to the kitchen around the corner while Fatty sat down on the couch across from Loona. The Hellhound didn't like how at ease the nervous wreck of an Imp was and the Sinner seemed to be way more amused than he needed to be, given his profession. Oh, Millie's back with a bag of breakfast treats and she put it right in front of her.
Uh-huh, alright. Suspicions are raised.
"...Alright, what the fuck is happening right now? Did you fuckers spit in my latte?" She growled. Co-workers or not, she would eviscerate anyone that fucked with her morning coffee. Even her dumbass cute boyfriend would suffer if he ever thought about it - a point she made clear at their last coffee date.
"Wh-no! Who would ever do such a vile thing?!" Fatty asked incredulously, as he drank from his cup with his long ass order on it. Oh, sweet temptation, but no, that was Naruto's prank — on the same coffee date, he made it clear in turn that if she messed with his pranks her coffee would not be safe from retribution; furthermore, if she messed with whatever the fuck his ramen was, it might be a dealbreaker — and she didn't like Fatty enough to tell him.
"We just want ya to be comfortable!" Millie grinned. "G'head and eat, there's a whole mess worth in the kitchen."
Too nice. Too suspicious. Loona didn't like it. Her eyes narrowed and her growl increased.
"Why?"
An answer came from the Sinner lounging to the side.
"Deez two schmucks and Princess Smiley Pants thinks yer knocked up. Apparently, yous and your fuzzy-wuzzy boytoy made a lot of noise last night." Angel Dust - which, so bizarre that she was in the same room as Blitzø's favorite porn star. Personally, Loona preferred Dawn Howlitzer's work, there was usually a lot more she could work with than just a drug-addicted twink that took it like a bitch - said around a chuckle. "And deys got the bright idea dat you might not want the little blighter."
"So, mix and I talked about it, and we'll take it!" Millie bounced in her seat as she clung to a less enthused, but still smiling Fatty. "Boy'r girl, don't matter to us none! That way y' can still be part o' their life if ya want!"
Wow. There was so much...that was a lot of things that were certainly said just now. She took a sip of her Latte and pulled her phone out. She sent a text off to her boyfriend.
(Need Boop.)
A faint clang from the wall caught her ear. A pipe? He probably read the text, got excited — she totally understood; their Boops were fucking awesome — and dropped something. She sent off another after she thought about her request.
(No clones. Coworkers r fucking idiots.)
She took another gulp of her Latte, then investigated the bag. Yep, as expected, mostly bagels. Blech, more than a few cinnamon. Oh, sesame! Sweet, and there was cream cheese, too. Her phone dinged while she was mid-bite and she checked the response.
(2 secs.)
Sure enough, the golden Lzebub House Seal formed at the base of the stairs before Naruto popped up out of it. Loona snorted at his drenched coat while he wrung out his tail.
"You could have dried off first."
"I did." He deadpanned. A poof of smoke and he was rubbing a towel over his tail, which looked even more biteable now with it being floofed out like it was, then his head and neck. Once he deemed himself dry enough, he walked over and knelt beside her, a slightly damp claw massaged her neck — downside to knotting from behind, she had to turn her head to get Boops or full-on Kisses. What's that mean? A sore ass neck. It was balanced out by the upside of the act giving her her biggest orgasm to date — as she turned to meet his nose in a Boop.
Mm, soggy Naruto scent might be her least favorite variant thus far. If only because the Envy Water dampened his Violet and Almost-Coconut scent and the faint hint of her ...vanilla? scent.
"...Jesus Fuck, what is that?" Angel Dust muttered.
"It's their weird Eskimo kiss thing." Fatty poorly explained softly. Loona's ear twitched as a shutter went off; oh he thought he could abuse her fifteen minutes of infamy, huh? "They've got a lot of pictures on Voxtagram of them doing that. It'd be cringe if it wasn't cute."
"Ugh, I can't believe I agree with yous. It's so fucking cute I think I got an ulcer...Can I even get ulcers?"
"The both of you could keel over and I wouldn't give a flying shit." Loona muttered as she cupped Naruto's muzzle and gave her boyfriend a kiss. When it broke she patted his cheek and turned back to her bagel. "Thanks, babe. You can get back to work now."
"Not gonna tell me why you wanted one?" He asked, brows furrowed. She smirked and her tail flirted.
"I did." Her co-workers were idiots. That wasn't reason enough?
"Uh-huh." Naruto arched his brow and sniffed at her before he hummed. "Fine then, keep your secrets."
Cute bastard stole another kiss before he popped into a cloud that revealed...himself? No, wait — sniff, sniff — the scent was diluted and had a barely perceptible artificial tang to it, like colored syrup. A clone.
"Oh sure, just swap with me, Boss. I wasn't holding up anything important." The clone rubbed his face before he leaned down on the arm of her chair and grinned at Loona, his not-real wriggler whipped about wildly behind him. "Hey, Loon, what's say you and me get out of this dump and go tear up this city?"
"Not interested." Loona deadpanned with a hard whack on the snout, which dispelled him. She took another bite of her bagel when her phone went off again.
(Don't hurt me b cuz my clones r idiots)
(Stop hitting on me so poorly)
(Can't, u r 2 beautiful)
(Brain stops working)
"Cheeky sappy asshole." She mumbled, failing to fight back a smile as her ears burned and the tip of her tail wagged. She sent back a few choice emojis and finished eating the bagel in her hand before she went to work on her latte. Huh, why was it so quiet? Oh, right. She had an audience. Her tail curled around her feet and her ears folded back as she focused on her phone. She chanced a glance up and, uh, that's almost everyone in the fucking hotel. Fuck. She shifted in her seat and her tail curled tighter around her. "The fuck are you assholes staring at?"
Millie was biting her lip and leaning on a smiling Moxxie's shoulder. Angel Dust had a smirk on his face. Princess Morningstar was leaning on the couch behind the Imps with a wide grin and her hands propping her head up and...Were those little hearts coming out of her head? Was that intentional or accidental magic? Wait, where did she even come from?! ...That was a rhetorical question, jackasses.
"They're probably staring at you." Ah, yes, Morningstar's oh so pleasant, one-eyed and stab-happy girlfriend. Hm, she smelled familiar to something. Not that her individual scent wasn't notable, it was, it's just this scent also nearly matched something Loona had smelled recently. Ugh, shit, now that was going to bother her.
"Why?"
"Because-" "Is it true?! Are you pregnant?!" whatever Vaggie was going to say was cut off as Morningstar fucking vaulted over the couch and landed in front of Loona, before she leaned into her space. Okay, hot or not, this was not okay! Loona knows she can't react, but she needs to react, because this is Loona's space, but that was Princess Morningstar and if she attacked the Princess of Hell she was dead, but the princess got in her space and she has to protect her space! She can't attack the princess—she needs to defend her space—!
"What the fuck is everyone shouting about down here?! Christ, I can hear you fuckers on the second floor!" Loona never thought she'd actually consider these words, but thank fuck for Blitzø's timing. He grumbled and dusted off his..is he wearing a pillowcase? What the f–No, you know what? Loona had more important things to worry about. Thankfully, Blitzø seemed to recognize her predicament because he froze. "Oh, shit. Um, er, P-Princess? I uh, I need you to get the fuck out of Loony's face before she bites you. You're in her bubble."
Thankfully, Princess Morningstar seemed to catch that and took a wide step back. She continued to smile and chew on her lip and unholy fuck, Loona could not leave her alone with her boyfriend because she is fucking certain they would mesh too well. A flash of memory of a horny thought she had concerning their True Forms and yeah, that confirmed it; they were both too positive and powerful and attractive to be left alone together. So distracted was Loona by her previous bout of lust, that she was almost startled to the point that she spilled her remaining Latte when Blitzø jumped at her.
"Yeah, besides!" Her adoptive father pushed his cheek against hers and hugged her shoulders. "Loony-Toony only lets me get that close."
"Get. Off." Loona growled, adding a none-too-gentle shove to emphasize how not okay his hug was. The second the Imp was off she started to comb down her fur and check the scent. Ugh, great. She smelled like him and his dried sex sweat. Gross.
"Not just you anymore, Little Daddy." Angel Dust snorted before he drank more of his black tar.
"The fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Blitzø scowled.
"You didn't hear it, sir?" Fatty asked.
"Hear what? And has anyone seen my phones? Shit, did I drop them when Valentino was after us or..or was it the cannibals?" Huh, how odd, that's a story Loona wants to hear. Chances are she won't ever get to, though.
"Your phones got busted yesterday." Vaggie deadpanned, giving Loona a pointed look. The Hellhound smirked back and looked back down at her phone.
"I thought it was weird he didn't react to Loona's Brag pic." Millie hummed, pulling her phone out. Wait. He didn't see that?
...Shit. Loona groaned as Blitzø darted over to her co-worker's phone. Her adoptive Imp father stared at the most recent pictures on her feed and his eye twitched.
"...Imma kill him!"
"I will move out and quit!" Loona snarled. He was not killing her boyfriend. The amped up asshole that was her father lowered his drawn pistols — weren't those in his jacket? Where was he keeping them?! On second thought, she didn't want to know — and rounded on her with a whine.
"Gah, come on, Loony! It'll be quick, he won't even know what hit him – the fuck am I kidding, I want it to hurt! I deserve this! He forced himself on-!"
Oh, she was not letting him suggest that in front of the goodie-goodie two-shoes that was Princess Morningstar. She wanted to keep what access she had to her boyfriend available to her thank you very much! It was bad enough he was being sent somewhere at the end of the week by fucking Lucifer himself. For a fucking month!
"If anything, I forced him inside of me." She growled. Ha! That's a great face, Blitzø; jaw agape and eyes narrowed: Angry and Shocked at once. What do you call that? Shangry? Angrocked? Meh, it was funny. Loona lifted her phone and snapped a picture. That was totally his new contact image. Way better than the stupid smile he had from her adoption portrait.
"Ooh, I hear a juicy sex story on the horizon!" The fucking pornstar grinned and leaned toward her with his head propped by a hand. "So, first and foremost: dimensions. What are we working with here? A grower? A shower? Microdick?"
Dare she discuss her boyfriend's wonderful cock with this near stranger in front of her co-workers, adoptive father and the Princess of Hell herself? ...Yeah, yeah she dares.
"About yea big." Loona held her hands apart. What? He was a porn star! If anyone knew good dick, it was a fucking Porn Star! Then cupped them appropriately together, mindful of her latte and phone. "Bit wider than that. Ridged, too."
"Bit smaller than I'm used to, but ridges are fun." Angel Dust grinned. "Can't be what made you howl, unless he went in dry."
"Well, first he ate me out–" Her tail wagged a bit at the memory and she adjusted her legs so the base wouldn't tug and so she wouldn't show anything off. What? She couldn't find her shorts this morning. Leggings either for that matter.
"Loona, what the fuck?!" Blitzø nearly shrieked as Angel Dust grinned, "Ah, I gotcha. Fuzzy-wuzzy munched on your taco real good, did he?"
"Oh, fuck you." Loona flipped both the Imp and the Sinner off. He might be right, but she wasn't going to give this asshole the satisfaction of knowing he was right.
"Wow, he's packin all that? Sounds like a good time, right hon?" Millie elbowed her husband around a grin.
"Don't talk to me right now, Millie. Please." Fatty whined into his hands as his face started to glow. Fucker better not be getting any ideas. Not that he had a chance of getting some of her cock.
"I officially know too much about Naru's/that Zorro's dick." Both Morningstar and her girlfriend deadpanned.
"Loony, why? Why are you torturing me this way?!" Blitzø whimpered.
"One: if you could hear your drunken sex rant that you have every other weekend since you fucking adopted me, you'd do the same." Loona set her phone down so that she could flick a claw up. Then a second went up beside it. "Two: I get the fucking luck to field all of our benefactor's calls." She lowered her hand to pick her phone back up from her lap. "And three: because I fucking can."
"Anything else you wanna scar 'em with?" Angel Dust asked as he swiped a cinnamon bagel. She let it happen, that shit was disgusting. She glanced from her phone to the pleading look on Blitzø's face. Then she looked at the porn star. Then back at her phone. She brushed some hair out of her eyes and her ear flicked.
"Well, I took his knot twice."
"Loona!" The Princess, Vaggie and Blitzø shrieked.
"He's got one?" Angel Dust grinned and ran a hand down his side. "Mm-mm, knotty times are sometimes the best times. Not fond of the sticking part, tho."
"Oh what, does it hurt too much, bitch?" Loona sneered at the porn star. He laughed as she finished her latte off.
"Yes! That shit spreads me too fuckin wide! 'S why I renegotiated that shit out of my contract."
"Well, fuck you, pussy. I like the challenge." Her thighs rubbed together as she closed her eyes and thought about the night before. Fuck, she needed a repeat tonight. Maybe sooner than that.
"Yeah, I know. Ya screamed so fuckin' loud ya shattered my fuckin' window."
"Only one?" Loona frowned. Now she kind of wanted to shatter more.
"Can we please stop talking about the Duke of Gluttony's dick?!" Fatty whined as he rested his face on Millie's shoulder. Angel smirked and waggled his brows Loona's way. She arched an eyebrow.
'Watch this,' he mouthed, before he turned to the married couple and propped his head up. "Aw, wassamatter ya lil bitch? Dick too hawd?"
Loona snorted. Angel Dust was a fucking riot. Millie didn't agree, but then she was always super defensive of her easy to maintain husband.
"No, I'm with, um...him?" Princess Morningstar asked – oh, right, she never got introduced to them. Meh, that was not Loona's problem. – as she looked at the two Imps. Millie took pity on her and nodded. The Princess sighed. "Yeah, let's um, stop talking about Naru's...penis."
"Dick. Call what it is! A dick!" Angel jeered.
"It's fucking cock, and I defy you to say otherwise." Loona scowled at the Sinner.
"Ooh, classy words."
"What did I just say?!" Princess Morningstar groaned. "Angel, please. Please! You're supposed to be rehabilitating! Let's-let's focus on the positive things! Loona is pregnant!"
"WHAT?" Blitzø shrieked before his eyes rolled up and he fell over. Well, that'll be fun for Future Loona to deal with later. She had a bigger issue to deal with right now.
"The fuck I am!" She snarled and shot to her feet. She bared her teeth at the alarmed quartet – well, Vaggie looked more irate than alarmed; which, fair, Loona was threatening her girlfriend. She got it. – and slammed her hands down onto the coffee table to properly snarl at them. "I don't know which of you moronic fucktards got it in your head that I was in heat, but I wasn't! I am not pregnant! I just wanted to fuck my boyfriend and when I got to last night, he rocked my fucking world!"
"...So, the howling is...normal?" Millie asked. ...Are they fucking serious? They just assumed, because her climax was a little loud, that…? Oh, fuck this!
"Yes. You wanna fucking know more?" Loona growled. The three chucklefucks that had banded behind this idea nodded. Her eyes narrowed. "Then go read a fucking book about it! That's what I had to fucking do when that dumbass!" she pointed at the still unconscious Blitzø. "Adopted me!"
"...Wait, so how does that work exactly?" Angel Dust asked with a frown. "Are yous like his pet or–?"
"Read. A. Fucking. Book." Loona grabbed her phone and stormed off to the stairwell as best she could with the small limp she still had.
"Uh, where ya goin'–?"
"I'm gonna go find my boyfriend and fuck his brains out since her asshole father–" Loona snarled as she pointed at Princess Morningstar. "–is sending him to fucking Wrath at the end of the week and I won't be able to see him for fuck knows how long!"
"...Why is Dad–Ohh…" And the circle got the square. At least the Princess had the right idea to look a bit apologetic about it.
"He's working right now." Vaggie's interjection had a good point to it...but the argument was weak.
"You only need one of his abilities! Now you can either tell me what room you sent him to or I can find him myself!" Loona narrowed her eyes. "And if I have to find him? You'll have more than fucking plumbing to worry about."
"Are you threat–"
"317!"
"Charlie, what the Fuck!"
"Thank you, Princess!" Loona huffed and limp-stormed up the stairs. She had some coffee, a bagel and could bust a smoke out...but now she was really fucking horny. She winced once she was out of sight of the first floor and leaned against the wall. She looked down at her phone.
(Wanna fuck?)
(I'm working)
(That a no?)
(...No)
(Meet in the room?)
(Gimme 5 mins)
Perfect.
Now, it should be stated that Naruto wasn't going to complain about being ambushed with a kiss the second he opened the hotel room door; he just wished he had known Loona wasn't wearing anything under his shirt. Getting a sweet smell splashed onto his stomach as he lifted her up to carry her into the room wouldn't have made him stumble away from the door in surprise. Then he wouldn't have tripped into the bed and they wouldn't have cracked teeth together. Again.
"Fuck, ow! Shit, sorry Loon. You okay?" He asked, cupping his mouth and checking his tongue for any blood. Nope.
"There has to be a less painful way to do that." Loona whimpered. Both of them rubbed their muzzles before they smiled at one another. She pushed him onto his back and straddled him – to which, fuck yes. Naruto was all about letting her top. She looked amazing from this angle...Okay, she looked amazing from any angle to him, but he was biased – before she brought her nose down for a Boop.
Euphoria inducing nose-touches should not be a thing in Hell, but here we are.
"Make a clone." She muttered.
An-n-n-nd the euphoria was gone.
"Uh...What?" Naruto looked into Loona's eyes – goddamn, he loved her eyes. So red and pretty.
"Thanks, but yours are definitely prettier."
"...I said that out loud?" His ears folded back. She smirked and pecked his lips and what was he thinking about? She said something and he blinked at her. "Whassat? Overthrow the King of Hell and dump his responsibilities on Charlie so we can stay here forever? Yes, can do."
"We can't fuck if you're dead." Ah, right. There was that whole most powerful being in Hell thing that the Short King Wannabe technically had going on. See, this is why she's the brains of the operation. Loona gently combed back some of his ruffled fur on his muzzle. "Look, just do it, okay? One clone."
"One clone, comin up."
The bastard popped into existence lying down beside him, lounging. As if he was going to seduce his girlfriend. The sudden urge to deck him in the schnozz was strong.
"You rang for a real Foxfiend?"
So strong was that urge to deck himself in the schnozz. Everyone should be proud of his restraint! Especially Loona! ...Fuckin' clones, flirting with his girlfriend...
"I have one." Loona snarked. She crawled off of Naruto – do not whine, she'll be back. She wouldn't have called you here for a clone! ...Right? – and went over to ensure the door was shut. She then pointed at the clone and moved the claw in front of her. "Stand here."
"You got it!" The lucky clone stuck his tongue out at Naruto – It's weird that he's a little jealous of himself, right? ...Yeah, Naruto thought so, too – and hopped off the bed to stand across from Loona. "What can I do for you, Lo–oon?!"
Loona grabbed the clone by the muzzle and glared into his eyes.
"I know you all get this, so here's what's happening. The rest of this week, the original is mine. The rest of you fuckers will do the jobs for the Princess that she needs done. Is that understood?"
"Wh–What, but that's not fair! What's he got that I don't got?!" The clone whined.
"A scent that's not slightly artificial."
"...Good luck making the rest of them fall in line, bitch."
"Don't – don't challenge her." Naruto groaned and looked away. This was going to–Yep! Cold! Cold magic punch right to the exposed gut! He cradled his stomach as the phantom pain got to him. "Loona! Come on!"
"Make another." She growled as she shook her fist out.
"Do I–?"
"Naruto."
"Fine, fine. ...So wrong that you're hot when you're being scary." He grumbled and made a clone that immediately hid on the other side of the bed. The clone poked his eyes up over the edge.
"I'm not getting closer to you until I get assurance that you will not dispel me like that, y'know!"
"I will not dispel you like that. On my word." Loona put a hand over her chest. She smiled and it was not one of her cute ones. "Now come here."
"...Tch, man, we should be able to switch or something." The clone grumbled to him. Naruto shrugged and scratched away the phantom cold pain in his gut. He watched his girlfriend glare at his clone and decided to look up at the ceiling.
"As I said, you will do all of the jobs Princess Morningstar assigns to you and you will do them right."
"Or else what?"
"Or else I'll keep having the original make clones and going through them in various painful ways." Loona inspected her claws. "Or maybe I'll just help him tie you up and fuck him in front of you, then dispel you, so you can get the memory of sex, but never experience it."
"...You sassy bitch." The clone pursed his lips and crossed his arms. "Yeah, that'd work."
Naruto nodded his agreement. Now that he's had sex – with his super hot, sexy goth Hellhound girlfriend; eat it nerds – that does sound like literal Hell. And he lived There, so he would know.
"Good. Now dispel."
"Can't I get a ki–"
"No."
"...Boss, you're a lucky bastard." The Clone cursed him out and dispelled. Naruto got his memories and smirked as Loona came back to climb onto his lap again.
"Yes, yes I am." He agreed as his claws landed on Loona's waist. Their lips came together again before they started to scent, kiss and nip at each other's jaws. "So, what brought this on?"
"I've only got access to you for the rest of the week." Loona mumbled around the bit of his jowls she took into her mouth. A bit concerning – ...He should not be as aroused as he was by her suckling on his face, but...that damned boner don't lie. She released the skin from her mouth and maneuvered him around to get a perfect Boop aligned. Her next words sent a very fright-rousing tingle up his spine.
"And I'm using every fucking second of it."
Getting a cover was too fucking easy in this ring. The only downside was the fucking family that he had to deal with. The owners were pushovers, and their kids were jokes, especially the tranny. Ugh, he just didn't understand how that Imp walked around the way she did. Or why she was so insistent on being so...touchy.
"Just remember, sug, if you need anything – and I mean anything," the little fucker molested his arm and his eye barely refrained from twitching. "I'm just down the hall."
"I'll keep that in mind, Miss Mae." The transvestite Imp smiled and sauntered away. Striker smiled until he closed the door and then he covered his mouth as he retched. He closed his eyes and forced down the bile that tried to come up. Once his stomach was settled, he sighed and went over to the bed, where he set his equipment down and then sat beside it. He set his hat to the side and shuddered.
"It's just a few weeks from now. You've done worse, Striker. You've done a lot worse."
AN: Huh, just who is this dashing 'Striker' fella anyway? ...Kidding! It's just Striker, the total ace icon and self-loathing assassin we all aspire to be not like. ...Okay, yeah, you're right Steve, that's assuming a lot on my end. We don't know if he's ace.
Oh, yeah, and Loona's basically blackmailed Naruto's subconscious into letting her have Naruto to herself. ...That's a frightening development, right Steve? ...yeah, she used cold magic too, I don't see what the big deal is. I know I'm the writer, but I don't see the big fuckin–Ohhh, I should stop talking about it. I just saw it. Yep, saw it.
Anywhos, remember! It's just fuckin' Fan-fiction