CHAPTER SIXTEEN

6x02 JJ

"JJ's still in there?" Garcia asked, appearing behind Emily and Spencer.

"And Strauss," Emily added with a note of stress in her voice. This couldn't be good. Spencer absentmindedly reached for the bottle of tums she kept on her desk. "Oh, again with the dairy?" Emily complained trying to get her mind off what was happening.

"I can't help it. I love dairy."

"It's been, like what, 20 minutes?" Penelope redirected the conversation back.

"Well, 10 more minutes, we're in the air." It was Morgan. He had appeared behind them as well.

"I don't think it's about the case," Emily said before she knew what she was doing. Ever since JJ had received that phone call in LA a couple of days prior, she had been acting odd - hyperaware of every sound her phone made. Jumpy... She suddenly didn't want to tell Hotch about them. Penelope looked at her suspiciously.

"Do you know something?" Shit.

"Do I know something?"

"She just repeated the question. You always say that's a sign." Derek brushed it off, trying to get Penelope off Emily's back. But he couldn't help himself.

"Do you know why JJ's in there?"

"I have no idea," Emily answered honestly. This was beginning to worry her. Hotch and Strauss in a closed-door meeting with her girlfriend. Her girlfriend that she technically wasn't supposed to have because it was against the rules. Emily swallowed and trained her eyes on the blinds.

"What is going on?" Penelope asked again, mostly to herself.

"Maybe she asked for a raise," Spencer quipped. Emily closed her eyes before glaring at him. How could someone so smart be so stupid at the same time?

"Have his blinds ever been closed?"

"I have given it thought. I'm not interested." JJ shook her head. This was unbelievably unprofessional on Strauss' part. It was well within JJ's right to turn down a job offer. Strauss was acting like she wasn't capable of making her own decisions.

"Clearly. You turned down the job twice without consulting your unit chief."

"Agent Jareau is under no obligation to discuss it with me," Hotch said diplomatically. He glanced at JJ and she saw a cocktail of emotions in his eyes.

"If the Pentagon calls one of your team members, you should know about it. Why didn't you tell Agent Hotchner that you turned down the position?"

Hotch shifted uncomfortably. JJ felt like a little kid being called to the principal's office. This was completely unwarranted - being forced to defend her personal choices to her boss.

"I never wanted it to get this far because -"

"Because you know it's a better job."

"Because I don't want to leave this one," JJ finished. Strauss always annoyed her but right now she was being particularly unlikeable. She knew how this story ended. She'd take the 4-month detail and then she'd end up stuck there. She'd seen it happen to other agents in the past.

"You've been here for 6 years."

"Nearly 7, ma'am."

"Change is good. And from what I understand there's less travel with this position." JJ looked Struass up and down. She paused, not believing her ears. This was the problem - ever since she joined the FBI people misjudged her. All they saw was a young, wide-eyed, attractive woman. They didn't see the real her. They never saw her potential. Hotch did. And so did the rest of her team. Her family.

"Excuse me?"

"I understand the sacrifices."

"I do what I love. It's made me a better person. Any 'sacrifices' I have made have been for the people I love. I don't have a single regret."

Hotch interjected to cut the tension between the women.

"We're all in agreement that Agent Jareau's a valuable part of this team, and it's understandable why the executive branch is requesting a detail. However, if Agent Jareau respectfully declines their request, there's no way you can make her go."

"No, I can't," Strauss sighed, shifting in her seat. She was clearly displeased with how this went. She stood and left JJ and Hotch alone. When Hotch didn't say anything, JJ smiled tightly and made her way to the door.

"JJ. Pentagon?"

"Sorry I didn't tell you."

"It's okay. It's just - It's a big deal. Are you sure you don't want this?"

"Hotch, I belong here."

She said it more for herself than for Hotch. Because even though she still didn't like Strauss - even though she still thought it was incredibly inappropriate for her to ambush her the way she did - what was bothering her the most was that Struass was right. She wanted the job. She didn't want to leave per say. She wanted to be here with her family. With Emily. But she also felt like this was what she was meant to do. It was all so confusing. JJ just wished the offer would go away - wished the option would be taken off the table. Then she wouldn't have to make a choice.

JJ finally made it out of the door and glanced in the direction of her team. They shifted quickly, pretending they hadn't been watching the entire time. Emily locked eyes with her for a brief moment but JJ couldn't talk to her at that moment. She needed more time to understand her own feelings about what was happening. She made her way down the hall and ran into David.

"You'd think profilers would cover better than that, wouldn't you?" he said sarcastically. JJ didn't smile. She was beginning to feel sick.

JJ stared at her reflection in the mirror. She'd been in there too long. Her team was already suspicious of her and disappearing in the bathroom for 15 minutes was only making it worse. She jumped at a knock on the door. It was Spencer.

"Hey, everything alright?"

"Yeah. You?"

"I just feel a little sick," he said as they switched places. JJ furrowed her brow but didn't linger on it. She was preoccupied with her own thoughts. JJ made her way over to the empty chair Emily had saved for her.

"Hey," Emily said with a polite smile. JJ forced a smile back. Emily looked worried but didn't press her for information. She had been very patient with her and JJ was thankful for that. But her face said otherwise. JJ motioned for Emily to follow her into the tiny airplane kitchen. JJ dropped her voice and leaned in closer to Emily.

"I got an offer from the Pentagon. I turned it down twice. I never told Hotch or Strauss… or you," She added guiltily. Emily stared at her girlfriend for a moment. If JJ hadn't told her, there must have been a reason...

"And now Strauss wants you to take it," Emily filled in the blanks. JJ looked down. "Well, of course she does," Emily continued. JJ frowned. "It'll make her look good if you get promoted."

"I don't trust her for a second," JJ replied.

"You shouldn't. What does Hotch think?"

"He knows I don't want to go," JJ said. Emily studied her face. There was something there. Why was JJ lying to her? It was subtle. So subtle she might not have noticed in the past. But now - Emily could read her better than anyone. There was something off about this.

"Well, then you won't." Emily said simply, but she wasn't convinced. It made her stomach drop.

JJ could feel Hotch's presence behind her. All of the secret phone calls and sad looks she'd been receiving from him all day… She knew what this meant.

"When do I leave?" JJ asked in a hoarse whisper.

"They wanted you to start tomorrow."

JJ whipped her head around. This was unbelievable. "No, I - I can't. I need to train someone."

"I'm not replacing you."

"No, Hotch, you can't take this on yourself. Your hands are full."

"We'll figure it out. I'm hoping I can get you back. Strauss wanted you to fill this out."

JJ scoffed, "Exit interview. Are you kidding me?"

"She's big on procedure. Just be honest. I was hoping I could do something about this. And I'm sorry I couldn't."

"I know." She glanced out of the conference room window at her coworkers. They were her family… "How am I supposed to tell them I'm leaving when I don't want to go?"

"The brass is really, really good at taking power away. It makes them feel like they're in charge."

"That sounds like a profile."

"You're going to be much better off than any of us, you know that?" JJ smiled dejectedly. She didn't believe that. "I'll miss you," Hotch added quietly. She believed that.

Upon seeing JJ's face and demeanor Emily already knew what had just happened. She knew what this meant. Emily felt the emotion forming a lump in her throat.

"Wait a minute. I thought Hotch was supposed to -" Derek said angrily.

"It's above his pay grade. Strauss' too."

"They can't just take you away." Spencer whispered in a soft voice.

"So, we do nothing?" Emily asked frustrated.

"It's done. It is." JJ seemed like all the fight was taken out of her.

"You're too good. That's the problem." Emily remarked.

"It's true. You're on everybody's wish list. Our loss is somebody else's gain."

Emily looked away from JJ, fighting tears. This wasn't fair.

"They can't just take you away." Spencer repeated. Emily glanced in his direction and saw his bottom lip was trembling. He loved JJ. He was breaking down. It only made Emily hurt worse.

"Hotch says he's going to try to get me back," JJ said doubtfully. She had had the longest day of work. It was exhausting saying goodbye to everyone. It was tearing her apart. But part of her - a part she couldn't show anyone, not even Emily, did want to take this assignment. If only because she knew the transfer was a backstop.

But Emily knew none of that and JJ was terrified that when she left, Emily would close herself back off. It had taken a long time for Emily to let her in - a long time for Emily to let her love her. JJ took Emily's hands in hers and stared intensely into her eyes, waiting for a response.

"I know," Emily whispered. JJ paused. She didn't know how to gauge her girlfriend's reaction. "It doesn't mean I have to like this."

"This doesn't change anything between us," JJ insisted. Emily glanced at her with a doubtful look on her face. Of course this changed things. It was naive of JJ to believe it wouldn't.

"But…?" Emily saw JJ was still holding something back.

"But I got my assignment today," JJ said nervously. Emily sat up straighter, increasing the space between them. JJ swallowed. "All I can tell you is that I'm going to be out of the country for 4 months."

Emily shook her head, overwhelmed with this new information. "When?"

JJ took a deep breath, "Em - I leave tomorrow."

Emily was shocked to say the least. This morning when she woke up, JJ was her colleague. And now she was being shipped overseas in a matter of hours. They weren't going to see each other for 4 months… Her solid ground was shifting under her feet. There was fear in JJ's eyes as she looked into Emily's. But there was something else too. The same look she'd seen that morning - JJ wanted this. Emily could see it in her eyes.

"Okay," Emily finally whispered back.

"...Okay?" JJ was bracing for a bigger reaction.

"Jay, you have to go," Emily responded calmly.

But JJ was still apprehensive. And Emily figured she knew why. She was afraid that if she left Emily would close herself back up. That she would retreat behind the walls she built and JJ would lose her. Emily took in a deep breath. If she was allowed to be completely honest, she didn't want JJ to leave. If she was allowed to be completely selfish she would've begged her to stay. To keep everything as it was. But she had to trust that if she loosened her grip, JJ would still come back to her.

"You go. I'll be right here when you get back," Emily insisted. "I promise."

JJ nodded her head, the appreciation she felt for Emily was overwhelming. It made her eyes begin to tear up. "God, I hate this," she whispered.

"I know."

"Okay, there's no way I'm leaving now…" JJ mumbled lovingly into Emily's lips. She was placing sloppy kisses on Emily's lips. Emily loved it when JJ was like this - uninhibited, eyes hazy with sleep and adoration. This was a side of JJ that she only showed Emily. Emily laughed at her antics.

"You have to," She whispered, brushing the hair out of JJ's eyes. They were in bed. It must have been well past midnight, but they had not slept yet. Emily had accepted that she wasn't getting any sleep tonight. Even if JJ slept, she knew she wouldn't. She wanted to soak in all of the time she had left with JJ. In the darkness of the room, Emily could just barely see the outline of her face.

"I don't have to…" JJ breathed, playfully. It hit JJ just how utterly happy she felt in that moment. She tangled her legs with Emily's and revelled in the smile that it earned her. Emily's bare skin felt astonishingly good against hers. The more contact, the better. JJ felt Emily pull her in closer. It was a wonderful feeling - to be loved like this. To love like this.

Emily smiled knowingly, "All of this will still be here when you get back."

"And by 'this' you mean…" JJ said with a knowing, sly smile.

"Sex, yes." Emily rolled her eyes. JJ laughed and rolled onto her back. Emily grinned, leaning over her. Emily's face grew serious, "Among other things…" She kissed JJ slowly. Lovingly. The humor drained from JJ's face as well. She stroked her thumb across Emily's face. "You need to go, JJ. This is something you need to do."

JJ noticed the change of diction. She changed "have" to "need." She wondered if Emily could tell she wanted this.

"I know," JJ admitted. She continued to stroke Emily's cheek, studying her eyes carefully. Emily's stare was burning into her. It always made her timid when Emily looked at her like that. Like she was the prize instead of an incredibly lucky winner. JJ wondered what it would be like to see herself through Emily's eyes. What did she see that made her look like that?

"What?" Emily asked, sensing that something was making JJ self-conscious.

"Nothing it's just - I swear sometimes you can see right through me."

Marry me. The words burst into Emily's head out of nowhere. They surprised her. For a moment she thought she had said them out loud. But she hadn't. Marry me. Emily leaned into JJ's lips to silence the voice. This was certainly not the time to do this. Not with JJ leaving the following morning. Emily deepened the kiss, drawing a moan from JJ. She felt JJ roll on top of her, situating her legs on either side of Emily's hips. JJ leaned back to look at her. Emily swallowed hard and rested her hands on JJ's hips. Marry me. The voice wouldn't be silenced.

Yes... it was her fate to love this woman. Unconditionally. Comprehensively. It was her fate to be tied to JJ. That she had known since they had met. But now she knew how.