CHAPTER NINETEEN
6x17 Valhalla
Things were unravelling. She was losing control. Everyone was noticing. It wasn't just Derek anymore. It was everyone. Emily glanced around the room and Hotch's profile faded into the background. Her vision began to blur from the tears forming in her eyes. Rossi, Hotch - two of the best agents she had ever known. Spencer - a good person to the core. Someone who she had grown to love like a brother. Penelope... she had snapped at her earlier. One of the nicest people she'd ever known. Someone who only ever meant well. Who still only saw the beauty in an ugly world. Someone who always made her smile. Emily had apologized quickly but it wasn't enough.
And Derek - her first friend at the BAU. She had misjudged him. She thought he was all looks. But he wasn't. He was one of the most honorable people she had ever known. He was the only one that knew about her relationship with JJ and he was nothing but supportive. No matter the time or the place. No matter what - he was there for them. She felt horrible. Like she was betraying all of them.
She thought back to earlier that day...
"You know, Emily, you really need to trust people."
"I trust people."
"No, you don't. You don't because you can't. And I get it. Every time you tried to count on someone, they let you down, so you go it alone. And you'll never admit that because you're just too damn stubborn. It's all right. It doesn't really matter. But I'll tell you what does matter. There are people who love you. That you can trust."
Emily tightened her jaw, "Derek, don't you dare play the JJ card right now."
"Fine. I'll tell you this much. You can trust me, Emily. With anything. I'm serious. No matter how awful you think it is, I promise you, you are not alone. I just wish you'd believe that."
"I do," Emily said. Derek looked over at her unconvinced. "You profile me again, you'll wish you hadn't."
Derek chuckled and shook his head. It made her smile. Even if only for a fleeting moment.
She felt herself backing out of the room. She knew what she had to do. If Ian was determined to hurt her she wasn't going to keep hiding behind her friends. She owed them that. She owed JJ that. JJ… She never got to say a proper goodbye to her. Nobody would be able to get in touch with her. She wouldn't even know that Emily was dead until she got back to the states. Emily's chest ached just thinking about it. The call the Hotch would have to make. Or Derek.
They deserved better than that. At least she could die for them. It was the only thing she could do. It was her final mission. No - it was more than that. It was her dying wish. Emily turned and exited the briefing, a new fire burning in her gut.