CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN

EVOLUTION

16x09 Memento Mori

She knew she was going to be in a world of pain before she even opened her eyes. The thumping of her head was so strong it was making her dizzy. Her stomach was in a knot and her mouth was dry. Emily groaned into the pillow. She opened her eyes, expecting to see JJ sleeping next to her but the bed was empty.

She remembered having her second glass of whiskey with Douglas Bailey. She remembered pouring the third glass once he'd left. And she remembered regretting the fourth. But after that - the next thing she remembered was the awful look in her wife's eyes as she gazed up at her from where she was kneeled on the floor. It was the dread of seeing that look that led her to getting so drunk in the first place.

She glanced at the time. 9:15am. Shit. Panic began to rise in her chest. She was in no shape to go into work right now. And she was already late. She sat up quickly and immediately became nauseous. Emily closed her eyes, hoping to muster the strength to keep herself from throwing up. After a couple moments, the feeling passed and she opened her eyes again.

"Don't worry. I took care of it."

JJ's voice came from across the room. Emily hadn't even heard her appear in the doorway. She looked in her direction but found it hard to hold her eye. She didn't know what to say. JJ looked fed up. She looked guarded. Like she was fighting an internal battle between the part of her that was terrified by the news and the part that was livid that Emily had kept it from her.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked in a small voice.

"I called Dave and he's gonna cover for us."

"You didn't tell him…"

JJ raised her eyebrows indignantly. She was leaning her side against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest. "That you got shit-faced at the FBI headquarters last night?" Emily looked down at her lap. She deserved that. "Don't worry, I spared him the details."

Emily let out a long breath. "I'm sorry, Jay." She brought her hand to her face and rubbed her tired eyes. "I tried to tell you -" She began, but was immediately cut off by JJ.

"Well, you should've tried harder."

"I know that."

"You don't get to do that to me again." She said sternly. Emily nodded in agreement. JJ didn't move from her spot, so Emily stood slowly and began walking tentatively towards her.

"The kids?" Emily whispered.

"Already took the boys to school. Charlie's with Derek." Emily stopped a couple feet from JJ. She forced herself to look straight at her wife. JJ didn't flinch. "I deserve better - Emily. Our kids deserve better."

"I know. I didn't plan it - I didn't mean to…" Emily trailed off. She felt a lump in her throat. And even though JJ was livid - Emily was glad that at least she knew about it. The weight of the secret was off her shoulders. And she was desperate for comfort. "I was scared," she admitted.

JJ nodded her head and looked off to the side. She could feel tears beginning to brim in her eyes and she clenched her jaw to fight it. She was scared too. "I know. But we're supposed to be in this together."

"We still are," Emily said gently. JJ continued to glare at her. Emily watched her jaw tighten then relax again.

"You've been sitting on this for… what? Two months?" JJ asked. "Closer to three?"

Emily didn't know what to say. JJ made her point and she was right. There were reasons why she had kept it from her - reasons that made sense. But ultimately, she deserved to know. Had the roles been reversed, Emily would've wanted to know.

"I'm sorry, Jay." Emily's voice was so small and soft, that JJ barely heard the words.

JJ finally pushed herself off the doorframe and her eyes dropped to stare at her feet. She glanced back up locked eyes with Emily intensely. But there was something else there - there was a degree of uncertainty mixed in. Emily saw the hurt and hesitation in JJ's eyes. Then she turned and walked out the door. Emily stood frozen for a long moment before bringing her hands up to her face and rubbing her tired eyes.

She made her way over to the bathroom and grimaced at the woman in the mirror. She objectively looked awful. Her eyes were sunken. There were dark circles around them. She groaned at herself and looked away. She noticed a full glass of water and a bottle of pain killer waiting for her on the counter. Of course. JJ was pissed at her - but she was still taking care of her. Emily sighed painfully, her guilt only intensifying. She had to make this right. For everyone's sake - she had to fix this. JJ was right - she deserved better. Their children deserved a better mom. Someone who they could count on - always.

JJ was sitting at the kitchen table nursing a mug of hot coffee when Emily finally made her way down stairs. JJ glanced up at her, surveying her change of clothes and tied back hair. Her eyes still looked awful and her complexion was ghostly and uneven. JJ briefly wondered if Emily had just thrown up.

"You look like hell," JJ muttered. Emily stood at the edge of the kitchen, unsure of how to respond to that. She felt like hell. JJ glanced back at the mug in her hand. "There's coffee… if you want it," she added, gesturing to the full pot on the counter.

Emily walked slowly over to the machine and poured herself a mug. She did her best to ignore the severe pounding in her head. With new determination, she made her way over to sit down in the chair next to her wife. Emily sat in the chair sideways and focused her attention on JJ. She was still facing forward, watching her finger trace the rim of her coffee mug.

"I love you," JJ said in a hard whisper. The words were kind, but not the way she said them. As if she was saying it as a formality. Emily didn't know what to make of it. JJ finally turned her body to face her. Relief flooded her as she saw the concession in her wife's eyes.

"I love you too," Emily said back deliberately.

JJ knew it wasn't going to be easy for her to let this go. She stared at Emily's hand as it came to carefully rest on the back of hers. She briefly considered pulling away but she didn't. Her hand felt good. JJ flexed her jaw hard and raised her eyes to meet Emily's.

"When's your next appointment?"

"This Friday."

"I'm coming with you," JJ said sharply. Emily nodded in quiet concession. There would be no debate.

Emily arrived at Derek's house later in the day. She rang the bell and waited. When he came to the door she cringed at the way he looked at her - through a thin veil of badly-hidden disappointment. But he didn't bring it up. Emily wasn't completely sure how much JJ had shared, but it was enough. He stepped aside and let her in the foyer.

The thumping of little feet grew louder. Emily smiled at her daughter as she came around the corner, Savannah and Hank in tow. She glanced once more at Derek before crouching and welcoming Charlotte into her arms for a hug.

"Hi, baby," Emily whispered, standing up with Charlotte. She reveled in the instant happiness her daughter provided. Emily briefly buried her nose in her hair and smelled the top of her head. Her hair was the same color as Henry's, but curly. Emily kissed her forehead.

"We played with legos!" Charlotte screamed excitedly in Emily's face. Emily smiled and tried to match her daughter's enthusiasm. The world seemed to make a lot more sense when looking at a child.

"Legos? You did? Does Hank have a lot of Legos?"

Charlotte nodded. "Yeah, a lot."

Emily glanced over at Derek who was watching the interaction carefully. Emily's face became serious again. "Thank you, Derek."

He looked like he knew more than he was letting on. "Don't mention it."

Emily smiled tightly. She picked up Charlotte's diaper bag and slung it over her shoulder, turning towards the door. Savannah and Hank had retreated back into the house when Derek reached a hand out and stopped her.

"Prentiss…" She turned to him. When he used her last name she knew he was serious. He was talking to his old friend. His partner. He was talking to the woman who died in his arms… "You know you can talk to me, right? About anything." She gave him a contrite smile that faded quickly.

"I know," she paused, "I will."

Derek didn't seem content with her answer, but he turned the handle and opened the door for her. Charlotte was fading fast - she was resting her head on Emily's shoulder, already half asleep.

Emily threw her phone back on her desk. Dave wasn't picking up. And his fixation on Elias Voit was getting dangerously close to obsession. She'd given up on calling him. She sent one last text.

Are you there? Pick up your phone. I need you to report to Quantico immediately.

She stood and walked out of her office into the conference room. "Have you heard from Rossi?" she asked the room.

"No. Why?"

"He hasn't checked in. I'm having Garcia ping his phone."

"Rossi's phone is off," Penelope said, announcing herself to the group.

"Well, can you route his last-known coordinates?"

"Of course. Here you go."

Emily felt her blood run cold. She was sure everyone else felt the same. "Alvez, JJ, fly to Seattle. Do not engage with Elias Voit. Just bring Rossi home."

JJ glanced at her and nodded. Emily could see the fear in her eyes. Penelope played the voicemail that had tricked Rossi. Emily glared at her.

"You disregarded my direct order," she said sternly. JJ looked between them, confused. "This is what is gonna happen. Penelope, you are gonna join Alvez and JJ in the field, not just to find Rossi, but to pin down Tyler, too. And you three are gonna have some help."

"JJ?"

Her eyes darted towards her intensely. Emily almost flinched.

"Yeah."

"I need you to call D.C. Metro."

JJ put a hand on Penelope's shoulder. The ambulance had just disappeared into the distance. Tyler was dying - bleeding out. And Dave was nowhere to be found. Penelope gasped and JJ pulled her hand away quickly. At first, she thought it was something she'd done. But Penelope was staring down at her phone.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Uh, uh, call Prentiss. He's live streaming."

JJ pulled her phone out and called. Emily picked up immediately. "Hey, you seeing this?"

"We see it."

It was Dave - screaming for help.