Futaba Sakura (Isshiki) 19/02
(Title from P1 psp battle song, Lone Prayer)
Pre-canon and not happy headspace
When you were younger and needed comfort after a hard day, you would go to your mom. You would find her asleep napping on the couch, or at her desk, and wrap your arms around her, and tuck your face into her body. The feeling of another human being alive and breathing against you, trusting you utterly, is not one you knew to cherish when you had it. She was just Mom. Just your Mom. The best Mom in the world.
When she woke up, she would hug you into her, and kiss your head, and no words needed to be said for you to feel a sense of safety.
You never realized how much you took that for granted. What it meant that you could call her up in the lab, or from school, or wherever and she would just come for you. You didn't even deserve it, so much of her time and attention. It meant so much. You felt so loved.
And she didn't even love you. Everyone says so now, after all. And your relatives treat you like they should, like an orphan and a burden, and you know they are right to do so after what you did to her. You killed her after all.
You don't want to go outside. You don't want to be free in a world where she is dead.
So you stay Inside where you belong, uncaring of which relatives house you live in now. This is what you deserve. This is where you belong. A corpse still breathing.
You would give anything to turn back time. Back to the person you once were, back to before she died, and fix it. Be better, be more, be enough. Be a reason to stay, instead of a burden.
But you can't turn back time. You can only remember it and miss it.