Tonks woke up to the bright late August sun peeking in through her curtains.
She had been making Remus sleep on the couch, but she had a fleeting feeling of fear wash over her each morning when she woke up and his side of the bed was empty.
That morning that fear was squashed when she heard a noise from the kitchen. She relaxed knowing Remus was close by.
Tonks sighed, before getting up to go to the kitchen.
"Hi" he greeted her politely.
Tonks nodded. "Hi" she said back curtly.
"I made you some tea." Remus told her cautiously.
"And toast." He added.
Tonks just nodded again, before sitting down.
Remus couldn't blame Tonks for being cold with him still, he had been horrible to her.
Tonks ate a bit of her toast with jam, but just swirled the contents of her mug around.
But, she didn't drink it.
After a few minutes, Remus broke the silence.
"You know, I've not poisoned that tea." He said, jokingly.
Tonks scoffed a little. "I know that. It's just that tea has been making me feel sick." She explained.
"Oh, I didn't know." Remus told her, honestly.
Remus felt awful, he had been back home with Tonks for a whole week now and he still felt like he was being more of a hinderance to his wife, than the helpful husband he wanted to be.
"What can I get you? Would someone else be better?"
She just shook her head.
"I'm gonna go lay down." She said, sadly.
She left Remus in the kitchen standing alone.
After a few minutes he went out into the living room. He found Tonks laying on the sofa, with a blanket draped over her lazily.
He went over and covered her better.
"Thank you." She said, looking up at him.
"Would it be okay if I sat with you?" He asked.
She nodded.
he sat down next to her. And she laid her head against his leg.
"Are you sure there's nothing I can get for you?" He asked.
"No, I'm alright I promise." tonks told him.
Remus nodded.
"You're still angry with me."
"I just have a lot on my mind." She told him.
"Perhaps I could help ease your mind. Is something worrying you?" He asked.
"You're not the only one who's worried about what happens Friday." She said, looking up at him.
"I'm not ready to say goodbye, okay. I-I need this baby to be okay. And, you've not been very optimistic. " she sad sadly.
Remus sighed, watching her hand travel down to her stomach.
"It's understandable that you would be nervous. And, I wish I could be here with you on Friday, but I can't. But, it's possible everything will be fine. I'm sorry I've not been more optimistic. that's potentially more of a personal issue than a true reflection of the situation." He explained, gravely. His lips pressed together hard, diffusing his emotions.
"if what Ashlee says is true, the baby could be okay." Remus added, trying to comfort her.
Tonks nodded. She had explained in greater detail about all Ashlee had said during their visit together.
"And, my dad will be here still. So you won't be alone. You can trust him if you need help. And I'll try to rush back here in the morning right away to check on you."
Tonks picked at her fingers.
"Let me make you something to eat. What do you want? Pick something." He told her, more forcefully than he typically would have.
He wanted to make sure it was no longer a recommendation. She would eat something.
Tonks pondered this thought for a few seconds before deciding. Shaking her head still unsure.
Remus still looked at her, expecting a real answer. His lips were slightly parted and she could tell he was feeling exasperated.
She considered what she wanted thoughtful. Playing with her fingers in her lap.
"I really want some popcorn actually." Tonks said eventually.
Remus smiled a bit. It was an interesting request at 10 in the morning.
He told her, "I can make you popcorn."
"I'd like that." Tonks said.
He went to walk out to the kitchen, when
she stood up and addressed him.
"I understand, alright. I understand that you're here out of obligation to me. Because you love me. I understand that you're not interested in being involved with anything to do with the pregnancy or the baby, or whatever. It's okay. You don't have to be involved if you don't want to be." She told him.
She needed to get it out. Tell him how she felt.
She wouldn't beg him to love his son.
She realized that it had taken him off guard though. It had been sort of random.
She could tell it affected him.
Remus looked startled and didn't say anything. But, He couldn't stop thinking about how sad her face had looked
"I-Ah" Remus tried to say something. Anything would be better than nothing. His nostrils flared, his body desperate for more air. It suddenly felt like there wasn't enough in the room they were in.
But he wasn't sure what to say. This only made the feeling he had worse.
"I-I know it's not enough to just be here. I know. And, I'm so sorry. I want to be a good husband, and I know I've not been very one good so far. I know you want me to be a father to our child. Ill-I'm-I'm trying."
"Like I said, if you want to be involved you can be. If not, I'll do all that other stuff on my own. If you can only be here for me right now, I guess that's okay" She explained.
"What kind of husband would I be if I did that?" He asked her.
"Remus, that's what you're already doing now."
She didn't say anything else, and went to sit down.
Remus just stood there in the hallway of their flat for a few moments. Feeling like the monster he always feared he was.
He took his time in the kitchen as he made her popcorn. He knew he should tell her he cared about the baby. in some way, some how.
He brought out the popcorn for her and sat it down on the coffee table.
"Thank you." She said. Taking some immediately.
She smiled happily as she ate it and it made him really happy to see.
He sat quietly with her for a few minutes. Collecting his thoughts before speaking.
"I just want to clarify, I am here to take care of you and our-our baby." He said, clearly with some difficulty.
He added, "I want to do that. I'm just scared, right now." He said quietly, not wanting to admit it or put it out into the universe.
Tonks just stared at him.
"But, I-I hope that can change. M-maybe you could show me the photo you got from the healer." He offered hesitation in his voice.
He closed his eyes. Why would he have made that suggestion? He wondered, cursing himself endlessly in his mind.
She looked as confused as he felt in that brief moment.
"O-Okay?"
"You said that you didn't want to know the sex of the baby, if I show you the photo you'll know. Is that okay with you?" She asked.
He blinked. But, nodded.
'Fuck!, No, why did you agree.'
" yes" he said. "I changed my mind. I'd like to see." He told her, practically holding his breath.
If she knew, he should too.
'Shit.' He thought. He was fairly terrified now.
Tonks nodded a little hesitantly and went into the bedroom to grab the photograph.
She returned a minute later, sitting next to Remus on the couch where they had been.
She had the photo turned upside and she handed it to him.
"Here." She said, handing it to him.
Remus held it on his hands for a few seconds before holding his breath and slowly turning it around in his palm.
He'd know once he saw it.
It was just a little small blip of sorts, floating around in the center of a larger orb.
But,
It was blue, just like the ones James had always carried around in his pocket with him.
He was having a son.
He closed his eyes, and exhaled.
There was no going back now, he knew that.
He didn't say anything but looked at the picture for a long time. maybe a minute or two.
"Thank you." He said, handing his wife back the photo.
she looked a little unsure but took the photo back.
He didn't say much else about the photo. It kind of made Tonks nervous.
In reality though, Tonks wasn't sure what had she been expecting exactly?
Surly he wouldn't see the picture and immediately fawn over their son. That was unlikely. But, she had still expected more of a reaction.
He was totally silent.
"Do you have any questions?" She asked after a few minutes of quiet.
"I don't know what I would ask." He told her honestly.,
"Is there anything you want to know? Like, his due date, or how many weeks he is, or-or something?" She asked.
"How many weeks?" Remus asked, as if he didn't understand the question.
"It's only been like three and a half weeks, hasn't it?"
"Well technically, yes. But the way the healers do the math is different. Due to their math they consider him to be currently 6 1/2 weeks. It'll be 7 weeks on Thursday." She explained.
He nodded and swallowed. Not sure how to process this.
"So, how many weeks is there left?" He asked.
He figured asking questions would make him seem interested and would make his wife happy.
"Hmm about 34 or 33 weeks probably." She explained.
He nodded.
His son would be born in April. If he was born at all. He considered. It was a bleak thought.
"I'm gonna go make some tea." Remus said eventually. He was desperate for a distraction.
"No tea for you still, right?" He asked.
"None for me, thanks." She said.
She rubbed her belly a little while he was in the kitchen.
Together, they spent the next few days like they had that day. they didn't talk about the baby very much, and Remus found himself feeling guilty for this. Especially since he felt so relieved to not talk about it. It made him feel like an awful father.
On Wednesday, Tonks realized that the full moon was just two days away.
Remus hadn't taken his potion yet that day. She ended up bringing it to him in the living room after they'd had lunch together.
"Here, you should have a dose again today probably, right?" Tonks asked, handing him the cup.
Remus blanched a little. He'd almost forgotten. He'd been too consumed with other thoughts and emotions to consider it.
"Thank you for reminding me." He said, kissing her on her temple.
"No problem." Her mouth twitched a little into a small smile.
A small crackle in the fire startled them both.
"Remus, Tonks? Are you there?" Remus' father asked from the fire place.
"Oh hi Lyall." Tonks greeted him happily.
Remus grabbed the table to help push himself up to stand, walking slowly over to one of the tall sitting cushions Tonks had near the fire.
"Hey dad. How are you?" Remus asked, slightly horse.
"Hi, I just wanted to check in make sure the plan for this week is still the same?" He asked.
"Yeah, still the same as long as that works for you. I actually may have someone else to transform after this month."
"Oh?" Lyall asked.
"I was left Mad Eye Moody house. Remus is thinking once we make sure it's safe he might be able to transform there."
Remus nodded in agreement.
"Okay, well we'll keep the plan the same then for now?" He clarified
"Yeah, that works. You can come over whenever on Friday." Remus replied.
"Alright, son. I'll see you soon. Take it easy, you two." Lyall said before disappearing from the fire.
The afternoon of the full moon seemed to come too quickly that week.
Remus kept checking on Tonks out of nerves but also didn't feel his best even with the potion, and eventually found himself resting on the sofa like he'd seen her do so often recently.
But Tonks seemed fine, great even.
"I told you. I feel pretty good today." She explained while he was resting on the sofa, and it was the truth. She felt positive too suddenly.
Around 5 his dad came walking through the fireplace. They had agreed they'd only go back and forth like this from now on. Remus wanted to reduce the foot traffic coming in and out of the apartment.
This way no one would be the wiser.
He was appreciative of his father's help and presence that night more than he could've known.
The next morning, Remus groaned as he stumbled through the fireplace around 530, and he found himself holding his breath again.
His father greeted him quietly.
"You all right?" His father asked.
Remus nodded.
Remus went to sit on the sofa, and felt relief from his aching body as he sunk into the cushions.
"Have a good night with Tonks?" Remus asked, unsure how to gauge how the night went. His lips were dry and there was no water in sight.
His father blinked, "oh yeah, went great, she taught me how to play muggle board games. Very fun" he explained without skipping a beat.
Remus sighed and felt relief wash over him.
"We fell asleep around midnight, so she may not wake up for a bit. I'm gonna go home and crash, I recommend you do the same." Lyall instructed.
Remus nodded.
Remus said goodbye to his father and attempted to get comfortable on the sofa, it wasn't the worst bed he'd ever had, but it certainly wasn't the best. He kept tossing and turning and kept trying and failing to get comfortable under the small throw blanket he had.
Eventually, Remus was finally comfortable enough he fell asleep.
When he woke back up some time had passed by, as more light was starting to come through the windows now.
But he was cold, his blanket had seemed to have fallen.
He closed his eyes and started to drift back off to sleep when a small noise startled him.
Tonks was leaning over setting water out for him.
He looked at her oddly.
"You've taken good care of me this past week, let me take care of you now." She said, putting his blanket back on him.
He laid back down, readjusting.
"I love you. I'm your wife, I'll always take care of you."
"And you're okay?" He asked, he had to make sure.
"Mhmm, I felt fine all night." She glowed ever so slightly when she said this.
He sighed in relief. She was okay.
"I'm beat though. Why don't you come rest with me in bed?" She asked.
He nodded, before she changed her mind. He grabbed his glass of water and followed her into their bedroom. Tonks curled up next to him and they both fell asleep.