Rotaro Dojima 16/05

It had been painful to look at her. Your daughter had looked so much like your late wife that you couldn't stand it. So you avoided her gaze, and your home, but it doesn't stop the storm of conflicting feelings inside of you.

Find Justice for your wife. Care for her legacy. But every time you see her, you can't help but think about your wife. About how her killer still walks free. And that thought sent you away from her and home, back into the office to try to find Justice.

(You should have gone home, will forever regret not being there more)

There must be something very not paternal about your family. Some ingrained instinct that drives Dojima's to work instead of be around the house. Your sister sent your nephew (who you haven't seen since he was in diapers) to you, while she works overseas. Your protests fell on deaf ears, and it turns out to have been a blessing in disguise. At least someone was home.

(It should have been you, but at least he was there.)

He helped. He helped the two of you to communicate again, where you might have gone on living in awkward and resentful silence.

Did you truly lie awake at night and sometimes wonder if it would have been easier to loose a daughter instead of a wife? It seems inconceivable, incomprehensible, now.

You never would have wished to lose either of them, but the wondering what ifs that keep you up at night are not things that you should ever speak of in the light of day. So you kept your silence.

And now you are being punished for your thoughts. You must be.

Why Nanako?

Regrets fill your head. Things you should have done with your daughter. Time you should have spent with her. All the ways you failed her.

Why couldn't you have enjoyed her while she was alive and well! Why is it that you never take the time you have to be with people while they are alive! First Chiatso, now Nanako!

Even while you lament your loved ones, you can not stop thinking of Namatame. You were so close to killing in the name of Justice. You want to both Damn and thank Adachi for taking you away.

Namatame might not even be guilty. When you think about it, there is evidence to suggest otherwise. You find you don't care. You should care. But you really don't. What kind of fucked up world do you live in when a killer lives and breathes in the same hospital your little girl has died in!

But it's not up to you. That's a good thing. As you are now, you would shoot him and hang the consequences.

Maybe your nephew will kill him too. You are prepared to cover that up. If your nephew kills Namatame it will have been deserved. He will be one of your last remaining family members, and you are finished putting your job over your family.

But for now you can not do anything but wait. You wait for justice, or perhaps vengeance, on this terrible foggy night.

Dec 3 is intense for him