Another new day in Mitakihara. Cars traveled on the roads, people walked around carefree, and some animals also walked around. A young teenage girl stopped in a small park, she had long hair tied in a ponytail and was wearing a blue jacket over a white shirt and dark blue shorts, as well as sports shoes. She took a deep breath and stretched her arms up.
"Good morning, new world!"
The scream made some people turn to the teenager. Some looked at her strangely, others smiled at the young woman's excitement, but she ignored any and all looks as she closed her eyes and let herself feel the world around her.
Even after almost three years since the universe was remade, she still didn't get tired of saying it.
Sayaka sighed in contentment, looking up at the sky for a moment longer before walking again. She didn't have any goals in mind today, she just wanted to walk and look around, and since Kyoko warned her that she was going to break into Mami's house for a 'good homemade lunch', she had plenty of free time. She could try calling Homura to see if she wanted to do anything today. If she's lucky, maybe she'll find something new that Madoka left behind.
Madoka...
A small, sad smile appeared on Sayaka, her left hand unconsciously going to the red ribbon that was tied around her right bicep, hidden under her jacket. It still hurts a little to remember that, by all means, her friend never existed in this universe. That she will only be able to see her best friend again after she dies and is taken by her to the Law of Cycles.
This just makes her want to live as long as she can in this new world. Live long, see the world, make new friends, so she can share everything she learned in this life with her friend when her time comes.
...Would this be a 'paradox desire' or simply 'conflicting feelings'?
The glow of her ring brought her out of her reflection.
Sayaka looked at her Soul Gem in surprise. Wraiths? In this time? They usually attack at dusk, but it wasn't even noon now!
She frowned, trying to sense the presence of the creatures. If they were attacking during the day, it means that either the Wraith is much stronger than normal, or an emotion was too strong and compelling for a horde to decide it was worth the risk. Maybe it was even a mix of both.
She entered the nearby alley, letting the presence of her enemies guide her steps. As she walked, Sayaka frowned even more as she felt another familiar presence nearby. Another Magical Girl, one she knows. One of her friends.
Homura.
Sayaka hurried her steps, a little worried about the fact that Homura's presence was slightly inconsistent. Transforming, Sayaka jumped onto a building, running as fast as she could, not only to get to her friend, but to draw as little attention as possible. She learned, somewhat by accident, that the faster she went between buildings, the greater the chance of people not seeing her or paying attention to her. For some reason.
The presence grew stronger as she arrived near a half-abandoned part of the city, just as the sound of battle began to echo.
A group of Wraith were outside a building, trying to invade the place. Sayaka quickly grabbed her swords and charged forward, slashing at least half a dozen of them with her initial strike. The Wraiths turned towards her, but Sayaka didn't give them time to counterattack and quickly summoned other swords and launched them at them, taking the opportunity to kick one of them in the face and storming the building, looking around in quick succession.
As she imagined, Homura was there, shooting at the Wraiths around her, but... Something was off about her. She had some bruises, her gaze was almost glassy, her movements seemed a bit lethargic, and most importantly, she wasn't using her wings. Sayaka frowned even more, something was wrong with her, she knew it.
"Take care of Homura-Chan for me, okay?"
And she won't allow it to continue.
"Okay, spill it."
Homura looked at her strangely, finishing cleaning her Soul Gem. The fight between them and the Wraiths had left the place even more destroyed than usual, and the two really hoped that the noise hadn't caught anyone's attention. Currently, they were sitting in the middle of the building, Sayaka already detransformed, sharing some cubes that had fallen from her defeated enemies, the perfect chance for Sayaka to find out what was going on.
"What do you mean by that?" Homura asked, still looking at the other teenager strangely. Sayaka snorted.
"Something is obviously bothering you, and usually when something bothers you, bad things tend to happen around you. So, let's just nip it in the bud and tell me what's bothering you, so that our normal Magical Girl life can return." ...By Madoka, she was acting like Kyouko! She really should hanging out more with people other than her girl.
"…" Homura looked away, flipping her hair. "... I am fine. You don't need to worry about me."
"You're definitely not okay." The blue-haired young woman's statement attracted Homura's gaze.
"How are you so sure of your words?"
"...You didn't use your wings in the fight just now."
"And?"
"Homura, you always use your wings, even when it is unnecessary. It's your signature move of seriousness, just as your extravagant hair flip means you're nervous about something. Which you just did, by the way."
"…" Without any arguments to defend herself, Homura simply looked at the ground.
Sayaka stared at her for a few seconds before sighing and standing up. She brushed off her clothes and looked back at Homura, who still refused to look up, but now her eyes were on the bow she had.
A few seconds passed, neither of them doing anything, before Sayaka sighed. She was really stupid. So stupid. She is talking to Homura, direct confrontation can work with Kyouko or Mami sometimes, but it was impossible to gain anything other than coldness and silent treatment with Homura. When it comes to the former time traveler, there was only one way.
Gently, she knelt down next to Homura, a small smile on her face.
"Is there any way I can convince you to open up to me?"
For a moment, the black-haired young woman said nothing. Then, she looked up, a strange mix of confusion, happiness, and fear in them.
"...I...I think there is a way..."
The restaurant they entered was not only empty enough to have a safe intimate conversation, but they also made a delicious breakfast.
Sayaka happily ate her slice of pie, humming to herself some song that she could swear she'd heard Kyosuke play before. She really wanted to see him and Hitomi, but they told her they were going back to Mitakihara soon, so maybe she'll just call to see how they are.
She looked away from the pancakes to her friend across the table. Homura was, honestly, devouring a giant stack of pancakes. Her third giant pancake stack, to be precise. This, along with the fact that her red ribbon was misaligned, and her outfit consisted of a worn dark purple sweatshirt, pants that looked like sleep pants and mismatched slippers made the blue-haired young woman a little reminiscent of Kyoko in her rebellious phase.
Kyoko is still rebellious, but she is behaving much better than when she was younger.
It also indicated that whatever was bothering Homura was consuming her mind to such an extent that she didn't even worry about her appearance before leaving. It's a fact that the former time traveler was never one to worry about fashion or anything like that, but at least she tried to look presentable. Mainly her hair, and even it is a bit messy, even the small braid that Mami makes for her in front of her right ear was out of alignment.
Sayaka finished her meal, slowly drinking her juice while carefully watching her friend. Silently making it clear that she wouldn't rush the other, but neither of them would leave until Homura said something. Homura also finished eating and stared blankly at her plate, her hands twitching every now and then as she had a blank expression.
"I fucked with Mami."
Sayaka blinked, then blinked again.
"Wow, direct as always, right?"
Homura glared at her, which made Sayaka laugh a little.
"Seriously, I doubt whatever happened is as bad as you imagine."
This is a problem that Homura has had forever, believing that anything wrong that happens is her fault. Sayaka isn't sure if the time she spent trapped in the loop created this problem or if it just made it worse. And she more than anyone else knows that Mami is incredibly forgiving when you prove that you are sorry, especially if the problem was caused unintentionally. She's kind that way, she even let Homura stay at her house when she found out that she also lived alone.
"Tell me what happened, and I can help with your case." The blue woman finished, going back to drinking her juice. Homura stared at her for a few more seconds before placing her face in her hands.
"... You are an idiot."
"Hey! That's not how you talk to someone who wants to help you!"
"This is how I will speak if the person I am speaking to does not understand what I say when I speak clearly and directly."
"What do you mean 'clear and direct'? The only thing you said to me was..."
Wait.
Sayaka stopped, her eyes slowly widening.
No.
Homura looked up, still covering the rest of her face with her hands, but she could see a slight blush on her ears.
There is no way...
"...You didn't just mean it in the sense that you messed up, did you?"
Homura adjusted herself in her chair, covering her mouth with her hands as she propped herself up with her elbows. She nodded.
NO. WAY.
"... You... You... And Mami... You literally..."
"... Yes." Homura's face turned a little red, but her gaze was still serious. "I fucked with Mami."
...
...
...
"...If the people at school knew, they would be so jealous of you right now..."
Homura turned redder, her gaze gaining a flash of fury towards Sayaka. She simply started laughing uncontrollably.
Mami and Homura? Sayaka can't deny that she never imagined something could happen between them. Mami became very close to Homura in recent years, always being there for her when she needed it, and Homura did the same for her. They alternated housework with each other, helped each other whenever they were in trouble, took care of each other when they were sick, and even left gifts for each other. Mami even commented that recently Homura has been doing most of the housework to lighten her load when she goes to college, so she started leaving the former time traveler's favorite treats in the fridge. To anyone else, Sayaka would point out that they were irrefutable proof of a healthy romantic relationship, but knowing how Homura and Mami's minds work, she just chalked it up to them trying to be good, devoted roommates or something.
Until Infestation Day.
The day a frighteningly large horde of Wraith appeared in the city. The day one of them almost took Mami's head off with a blow that would have destroyed her Soul Gem.
The blow that Homura took, tearing off her right arm, part of her stomach and almost hitting her Soul Gem.
Soon after, it rained down several energy arrows, destroying all the Wraiths in the process, and Sayaka still doesn't know if it was the work of Homura or Madoka.
The following days were the most harrowing Sayaka had felt since she remembered the old world. Since it was impossible to take Homura in that state to a hospital without making everyone freak out about how the hell she was still alive after being almost split in half, they had to take her to Mami's house. She and Mami spent several hours each day focusing their magic on healing Homura's body while Kyoko hunted Wraiths alone, collecting as many cubes as possible to bring to them and preventing the Law of Cycles from taking any of them in the process.
She still remembers Mami's expression: desolate, trails of tears dry on her face, bags in her eyes from refusing to sleep, eyes shining with determination as she focused all her magic on Homura. Even after they managed to heal all the injuries, Mami still refused to sleep until Homura woke up, tenderly holding her left hand while watching her.
And when Homura finally woke up, instead of ensuring that she could fight again and return to active duty like she usually did, she fixed her gaze on Mami's state. And then she gently pulled Mami onto the bed to lie down with her. And she didn't go back to sleep until Mami had already been pulled into the realm of dreams, gently stroking her hair the entire time.
It was the most adorable thing Sayaka had ever seen. It was still one of the wallpapers on her cell phone.
Since that day, it was quite obvious to the blue-haired girl that there was something between them, but she wasn't sure if either of them had noticed or not.
Apparently the answer is yes.
Sayaka gasped for air, trying to compose herself, still under the laser sight that was Homura's gaze. Eventually, she got the stability she needed and sighed, a mischievous smile on her face as she turned to her friend.
"So... Did you catch Mami's Mammies?" She commented, moving her eyebrows. Homura's gaze worsened, and her left arm began to twitch, as did her hand, as if she were trying to press a button.
Oops. She's really upset now.
Sayaka quickly coughed to erase her smile. She remembered and focused on the fact that, for some reason, the union between Homura and Mami ended with Homura almost getting beaten up by the Wraiths. Something was wrong and she needed to fix it.
"... You are right. I'm stupid." This made Homura blink, some of the defensive aggression disappearing. "If Kyoko and I ended up doing this, I would probably still be drunk with happiness right now. So I have no idea why you seem... Not exactly upset, but not very happy either." Sayaka gives a small smile. "...Do you mind telling me why you're like this?"
For a moment, the two are silent. Homura looks away from the window, watching people walk, and Sayaka finishes drinking her juice, playing with the straw and the ice that was melting in the cup.
"... Yesterday, Mami received an email, saying that she was accepted into the college she wanted." Homura began, Sayaka turned to her, but the former time traveler didn't look away from the window. "She was so happy that we decided to celebrate. She wanted to call you and Kyouko, but it was already late at night, and since you two spent the rest of the week studying for finals, she wanted to let you rest."
"Thank you for the consideration." She was being sincere. The last week was hell between studying and fighting Wraiths, so much so that yesterday she and Kyoko didn't even have dinner, they just fell into bed and passed out. If Mami had called at night, they would certainly have accidentally ruined the joy due to their lack of enthusiasm, if one of them woke up to answer.
"...So instead of going out to dinner, we did something special for both of us. Mami also decided this was special enough for her to open one of the wines her father had left... And she asked if I wanted to share a glass of wine with her."
"And when you realized it, it was already morning and you two were in bed, with nothing?" The blue one asked. If that's the case, then Sayaka can understand why Homura was not very happy. The black-haired yong woman looked at her from the corner of her eye.
"No. Not exactly."
Sayaka just tilted her head, still confused.
"...Do you mind explaining?"
"... We didn't get drunk. Not at all..." Homura's eyes went up, staring at the blue sky. "... But... Mami was so happy... And free... As if any and all weight she may have been carrying on her shoulders just didn't exist anymore... I was also very happy for her and. .." She looked down. "... When I realized, she kissed me, and I... reciprocated. I reciprocated."
Honestly, Sayaka still couldn't see the problem that was consuming her friend's mind. However, the fact that Homura's left arm and right hand began to twitch slightly again began to raise suspicions.
"Mami quickly realized and tried to walked away, apologizing, but... At that moment, I wasn't worried. Or rather, I didn't want to worry about anything other than... Us." Homura moved her right hand up her left arm. "So I kissed her and carried her, and we went to the bedroom... I think you know where it ended."
"Yep. Without so many details, please." Now Sayaka understood. Less because of the explanation and more because of how Homura reacted while she explained. "...You didn't just do that and leave Mami alone in the apartment, did you?"
"Of course not!" Sayaka's words made Homura look at her, almost indignant. "I left before she woke up, but I left a coffee on the table and a message saying that I would be a while, but would be back today with the supplies."
Oh, Homura...
Sometimes, Sayaka forgets how socially stunted Homura can be.
"Did you prepare some coffee for her, and forgot to prepare something for yourself?"
Again, Homura looked away, her spasms a little more subtle but still constant. The blue young woman really hoped that it was just a sign that she was still tense, and not a sign that she was regressing into the 'stopping time to run away from her problems' mentality again.
Sayaka watched her for a few more moments, before getting up and going to the counter. She paid the bills and even ordered another pie to take away, returning to her friend, who hadn't moved from her seat. She gently fixed Homura's red ribbon, which made the other young woman stare at her, and smiled as she extended her hand.
"Come. I want to show you a place."
Near the city limit, there was a park. And inside this part, there was a large tree. In the other world, it wasn't a very big tree, but in this one, it was almost as big as a three-story building. The leaves were very green and some low branches had swings made of ropes. The children hadn't arrived yet, so it was empty except for a few animals. A sign warned that the tree was the city's heritage and should not be destroyed.
Sayaka couldn't help but give a wistful smile as she watched her.
She and Homura approached the tree, the blue one placing her hand on the tree's bark for a moment while her friend watched. She pointed to one of the upper branches and they both jumped onto it, sitting together and watching the city from there for a moment.
"... When Madoka and I were five years old, this tree wasn't much bigger than a small house. Still big for a kid, but definitely not that big." She started counting, attracting Homura's attention. "For some reason, I really wanted to get to the top of the tree, I think it was to prove that I could do it. Madoka thought it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway. I started climbing and climbing, and climbing, until I reached one of the upper branches, like this one... But then, I looked down and realized I couldn't get down." She gave a small laugh. "I started to cry. Madoka started crying because I was crying. We both cried until our parents heard and helped us. I got yelled at that day and was grounded, as well as being banned from climbing again until the end of the year. Madoka also didn't try to climb back then, even though she wasn't grounded. After that day, she started visiting my house for sleepovers, I think it was an attempt to cheer me up from my punishment." She placed her hand on the branch she was on. "This park had been destroyed and turned into a hotel or something, but I think Madoka didn't want that memory to be destroyed in this world too, so she made it an important tree for the city."
Homura made a low hum in acknowledgment, but said nothing about her suddenly blurting out this story. She didn't need to, though. Sayaka knew that Homura liked to hear about some of the adventures she and Madoka had when they were younger. Not only was it new knowledge she didn't have about Madoka, it's also proof that she actually existed and Sayaka remembered her.
"Somehow, it sounds like her." The former time traveler whispered, her hand going to the ribbon in her hair. "Taking care of things, even those that seem insignificant, just because she can."
"...That's the problem, isn't it? Madoka." Sayaka turned to Homura, still with a melancholic smile. "It's not the fact that you did it to Mami. In fact, I dare say you quite liked how the night ended, from what you told me. Am I wrong?" Homura's cheeks turned pink.
"... No. I... I liked last night. Very."
"... You like Mami. I dare say that you are in love with her."
"... Yes I am."
"And it scares you."
"…"
"Because you never thought you could love anyone other than Madoka. You deliberately ignored your feelings for Mami and pretended that you only saw her as a friend."
"…"
"And now that you realize that, without a shadow of a doubt, there is another person in your heart, that you can no longer deny or ignore your feelings... You are scared."
"…"
"Because you think that loving another person... Is the same as abandoning or leaving Madoka behind."
"... Yes."
"... I understand. I felt the same way about you."
Homura stared at her with wide eyes, which made Sayaka laugh slightly.
"Okay, not exactly the same thing, but it was very similar." She looked up, her wistful smile back on her face. "I felt something similar when I realized that I would never see Madoka again until the day I will be taken by the Law of the Cycle... And when I realized that I started to see you as my best friend."
If possible, Homura's eyes widened even more. Sayaka took her jacket off her shoulders, leaving it hanging on her elbows, and placed her hand on top of the red ribbon on her bicep, giving a small sigh.
"I hadn't realized it for a while, and I'm still not sure if I was ignoring the signs or not. But... I started to realize that some of the things I was doing with Madoka, I was doing with you. Go to the cinema to see the new film? If Kyouko doesn't want to go on a date today, I could call Homura. Lunch time at school? Hitomi isn't here, but Homura will be here soon, so I'll wait. Any lessons I still have to finish? Mami could help me, but I think it would be cool to do this task with Homura. Do I have free time to do whatever I want? Why not call Homura and we can go out together and do something fun?" Gently, she stroked the ribbon, looking at it for a moment before looking up at the sky. "When I realized this... I was in shock. I felt sick. I felt like I was committing some kind of implicit betrayal about Madoka... That I was leaving her for someone else just because I couldn't see her anymore. And that hurt."
"Sayaka..."
For a moment, the two were silent. They continued to watch from above as some cars passed on the track nearby. People started showing up, looking like they were rushing to go somewhere, probably going to buy some lunch before going back to work or something.
"Do you… Still feel this way?"
"No."
"... Why?"
"Because I realized I was wrong."
Sayaka straightened her jacket and turned to Homura, with a relaxed and gentle smile.
"Madoka is still my best friend and she always will be. This is a fact. But that doesn't stop me from having more friends, does it?" She placed her hand on her chest, closing her eyes. "I have enough love to give to those I care deeply about, and you turned out to be one of them. I'm not replacing Madoka with you in my heart, I'm just making a space for you to enter."
"... Is not the same thing."
"No, it's not."
Homura hesitated for a moment, and then removed the ribbon from her hair. She cradled it in her hands carefully, staring at it for a moment. Then, with her other hand, she touched her braid and gently stroked it, an expression that seemed torn between hopeful and desolate.
"...Do you...Do you think Madoka...Would forgive me? For... For liking someone else? Even though my feelings for her haven't changed?"
"Of course I do. It's Madoka. There will be no one sweeter and kinder than her in this universe, even if she tries to create." This time, Sayaka looked at her ring. "Besides... If I ended up dying and Kyouko stayed alive, I would like her to be able to move on and live happily, even if we knew we would meet on the other side. And I'm sure Madoka feels the same way."
And because of this, Sayaka will live as long as possible before being taken away by the Law of the Cycle. Her best friend gave her life to give her and several other girls around the universe a chance, she won't waste this chance like she almost did in her time with no memories of the old world.
...She's still not sure if this is a paradox or conflicting feelings, though.
The blue-haired young woman felt her friend lean over and rest her head on her shoulder. She simply closed her eyes and remained silent. They probably still needed to talk more, mainly because Homura was terrible with her feelings and how to express them. But for now, enjoying the silence that settled in while the former time traveler reflected was peaceful.
And maybe ask Kyouko to help Mami too, she'll probably need some reassurance that things are okay. Mainly because of the way Homura left her.
Hopefully, she won't lose her head this time.
It was 8:16. It had been thirteen hours since she woke up, eleven hours and forty minutes since Kyouko showed up to help her with lunch, four hours and thirty minutes since Sayaka had called and an hour and two minutes since Kyouko left.
Still no sign of Homura.
Mami sighed dejectedly, hiding her face in her hands. It was useless. No matter what she did, her mind always turned to her housemate (?). The more she tried to focus on anything else, the more her mind reminded her of the one she didn't want to think about right now. She would lose her head like that.
And it didn't help that, randomly, her mind decided to remember what happened last night and...
'Gentle. That was the best word to describe it. Even when Homura kissed her like it was the last thing she would do in life, even when she suddenly laid her down on the bed, even when her hands and teeth began to explore and mark her body, somehow, she was still gentle.
Because whenever she shivered, Homura would hesitate for a second before going slower. Whenever she gasped, Homura would look up at her, wanting to know if the sound was in pain or pleasure. Whenever she moaned, Homura would focus on that spot, making her beg for more.
It was intense, very intense. Almost like an ocean and hell at the same time, Homura seemed like she would drown and burn Mami with such intensity of devotion and love that she showed at that moment. And Mami allowed it. Somehow, she knew that the moment she protested in any way, Homura would stop without hesitation. But she didn't.
And when finally, with Homura nibbling on her neck, her fingers reached the spot she wanted so much, Mami couldn't help but moan loudly. '
Mami blushed.
Correction, she's already lost her head.
The blonde threw herself against the sofa and remained there, defeated, her loose hair spread over the back of the sofa. She looked at her watch again. It was now 8:17. It had been thirteen hours since she woke up, eleven hours and forty-one minutes since Kyouko showed up to help her with lunch, four hours and thirty-one minutes since Sayaka had called, and one hour and three minutes since Kyouko left.
Still no Homura.
She sighed and covered her eyes with her forearm. Against her will, a small sob escaped her throat.
"... Idiot... Why didn't I try to stop her?"
She knew. She knew it was a bad idea. No matter how much her heart raced when she felt the brunette's lips against hers, especially when she felt the brunette reciprocate, she had realized it was a bad idea. Because, as much as it hurts, she knows that Homura's heart already belongs to someone else.
Madoka.
She...she had never seen this person, no matter how familiar she sounded. She never had the opportunity to meet the mysterious Magical Girl who was friends with the last members of her team. She died before Mami could reach out.
Both Sayaka and Homura didn't like to talk about what happened, or how she had died. It was a very sore spot for them, and as curious as she was, neither she nor Kyouko tried to force anything. Madoka was obviously someone very precious to them, and Mami and Kyouko know very well what it's like to have someone precious to you taken away just like that. Mami had her theories, however, mainly due to the fact that she had heard that a Wraith Infestation in a neighboring town had mysteriously disappeared, and less than a year after hearing this rumor, she met Sayaka and Homura.
If Madoka was really responsible for getting rid of that Wraith Infestation and ended up not resisting after victory, Mami hopes that the Law of Cycles welcomed her with open arms. Anyone willing to face such adversity alone to protect the innocent deserves nothing more than a peaceful and happy afterlife.
They didn't talk much about their deceased friend, but it was enough to know who she was. A sweet and kind girl who was Sayaka's childhood friend and met Homura at a time when she still needed several trips to and from the hospital. A person who always did her best to help those around her and did everything to make the world a better place. An inspiring young woman, whose tragic and sudden death was the necessary encouragement for her friends to decide to sign the contract and continue where she left off.
Someone she had won Homura's heart and still held in her hands, even after leaving.
Mami clenched her fists.
She knew. Ever since she heard Homura talk about Madoka, she knew. The way and voice the brunette used when she spoke about her deceased friend, the way her eyes shone in a melancholic and loving way, the way she takes care of that red ribbon, the last physical reminder of the girl. Mami knew from the beginning that she never had a chance.
Mami covered her mouth with her hands, stifling the sobs that refused to stop, her entire body shook slightly, her breathing completely erratic.
That's why she ignored her feelings. She ignored the way her heart fluttered when Homura showed her softer, gentler side. She ignored the way her chest hurt when the brunette looked at that red ribbon with so much love and affection. She ignored the butterflies in her stomach as she gave one of those rare smiles just for her. She ignored it because she knew it was impossible to achieve something that had already been achieved, so she didn't even try. She was happy to be Homura's friend, to help her regain her happiness and joy in life, to be someone she trusts, a great friend to whom she could say anything.
Things were going well. She was happy. They were all happy...
...And now she's ruined everything!
Mami closed her eyes tightly in a vain attempt to avoid the dizziness and wavering of her consciousness, feeling the moisture begin to accumulate in them.
She ruined everything! She always ruins everything! She was greedy, wanting more than she already had, and now she's ruined everything! She tried to force her ideology on Kyouko when she was obviously not okay and she ruined everything! She made her parents change her trip because she wanted to go to a new park and she ruined everything! And always.
All.
Her!
FAULT!
... Listen... Five...
...
... What?
Who... Who is...?
Five things... Listen... Can you?
Listen... Five things?
She could hear the sound of cars outside. The clock ticking. Her own racing heartbeat. The sound of a plastic bag being moved.
...And someone's voice.
"Good... Can you tell me four things you can feel?"
Something she feels? She could feel the upholstery of the sofa. Her own clothes. The floor at her feet, and someone's hands holding her arms.
... Wait.
Mami looks up.
Homura was in front of her looking at her worriedly.
The blonde blinked twice. Homura was still in front of her.
"...H-Ho..."
The words stuck in her throat. Still, Homura's gaze softened.
"You can talk again. That is great." She felt Homura's hand slowly moving up and down her arms. "...Do you think you can tell me three things you can see? But this time, out loud, not in thoughts."
Mami was still shaking, but nodded slightly.
"Y... Your face... The..." Mami's breathing hitched, making her lose focus. Homura still held her arms gently.
"All right. You're doing well Mami. I'm sorry for rushing you." She rested her forehead against hers for a moment. "Try to match your breathing with mine."
She began to breathe slowly, and Mami did her best to imitate. It was only when she started to do this that she realized how unstable her breathing was and her heart was racing. Unconsciously, she placed her hand on Homura's chest, feeling her heartbeat, trying to match hers with hers, and she felt one of Homura's hands going to the back of her head, stroking her hair.
"...My hands...The ground..." Mami raised her eyes slightly, looking directly at Homura's amethysts. "... Your eyes."
Homura's lips twitched upwards slightly, and Mami's heart skipped a beat for an entirely different reason.
"... I also smell the cleaning products I used and the tea I drank. And the taste I feel is the chamomile tea I made." She finished, closing her eyes and leaning back against the couch, taking a few more deep breaths. Once she composed herself, she again opened her eyes, taking in her surroundings better.
The most obvious thing was that yes, Homura really was there and it wasn't some hallucination that helped her through her little panic attack again. She was kneeling in front of you, wearing the sweatshirt and pants she usually wears to sleep in when it's cold. Behind her, she had several shopping bags, with some groceries almost visible because they were so full. And her hair was a little messy, including the braid she had done to her, which made her a little worried, Mami knows very well how much Homura cares and likes her hair.
But Homura wasn't looking at her. Instead, she was looking at the room, which Mami had tidied up three times before Kyouko stopped her from picking up the broom again. She looked at the small table, where there were five tea bags in the cup she drank. And then she looked at Mami, a strange look on her face.
"I am sorry."
Mami blinked.
"What?"
"What happened just now... It was my fault, wasn't it? You were worried about me or worried that you had done something wrong and that was why I left so suddenly." Homura's expression was guilt as she lowered her gaze to the ground. "I am really sorry."
"No, it's okay. I exaggerated." Mami tried to assure. "You left the message very clear on the dresser, I let my imagination run wild and..."
"You thought I left you because of last night, didn't you?"
It was impossible for Mami not to tense up, a light blush gracing her cheeks as yesterday's memories ran on loop in her mind. Homura also had a slight blush on her face, refusing to look up. For a moment, neither of them said anything, leaving an awkward silence hanging in the air.
"... Yes."
Homura closed her eyes, a familiar frown of self-disgust beginning to appear on her face as she clenched her fists.
"... But... You're here."
This made Homura turn to Mami, a shocked expression. She could still feel her cheeks warm, but she still gave a soft smile.
"So in the end, I didn't have to worry about anything."
For a moment, neither of them moved, and Mami looked away from her. Suddenly, Homura stood up, and before Mami could say anything, Homura pulled her towards her and hugged her tightly. Mami gasped in surprise, but soon reciprocated, also hugging her tightly.
Mami couldn't help but lean her face against Homura's shoulder, inhaling the natural scent of her hair, feeling Homura do the same to her. She gently caressed her back, pretending not to notice how Homura's body trembled sometimes, trying to decide whether she should release or hold back some feeling, as she usually does when she is overwhelmed.
"I am really sorry..."
"It's okay, Homura. We both overreacted, but we can handle this."
"No, that's not why…" If possible, Homura's hug became tighter. "... I love you."
Mami's heart raced as her mind stalled.
"...W...What did you say?"
"I'm sorry… And I love you."
The two were silent for a while after that. Slowly, Mami released her breath, which she hadn't even realized she had been holding. She moved her arms to wrap around Homura's shoulders, and Homura moved her arms to comfortably hold her waist. Mami looked forward as she felt her mind reset.
She... She should be happy, right? Homura just confessed that she felt the same way Mami felt about her, so she should be smiling and crying with joy, right? However...
"...Why are you sorry?" Mami's question came as a whisper. Homura's hands held her more firmly, she felt Homura breathe shakily, hesitantly. "I would like to understand, please."
"... You are wonderful, Mami. Even though I was cold and sometimes even cruel, you never stopped trying to help me. You were always by my side, stopping me from feeling more empty than I was, opening up to me even when I closed myself off..."
"Y-You were here for me too." Mami stuttered, her face turning red. "You were always willing to support me through my problems from the beginning, being my shoulder to lean on when everything seemed too much for me to bear, helping me and being by my side when I felt guilty or lonely... I... I really appreciate it. what you did for me all this time, even when we weren't very close."
"I didn't realize it for a while... And unconsciously, I tried my best not to notice what I felt. But... At some point, my feelings for you became more than just affection, and yesterday... I finally understood what it was. I realized that I love you."
If possible, Mami's face became even redder, her heart was racing. And still...
"...I still don't understand why you're sorry."
"...Because I still love Madoka."
Finally, the slight shaking of Homura's body stopped. And Mami felt her shoulder get wet.
"...I...I still love her, Mami. So much so that it hurts sometimes… And yet… And yet…" Homura sobbed as she cried, hugging her tightly again. "... The thought of never saying anything to you because of this... Of losing you to the Law of Cycles or for pushing me away because of how I feel... It hurts just as much." Mami returned to stroking Homura's hair, gently comforting her and subtly encouraging her to continue. "I don't want to ignore this anymore, but I know I will never forget Madoka. I don't want you to feel like you're replacing her, because you never will, and I love you just the way you are. And I want to show it to you, but I feel like I'm cheating on her and I... I... I don't know what to do."
Mami allowed Homura to continue crying on her shoulder, releasing all the feelings she had been holding back all day, maybe even longer. Mami also had a few small silent tears streaming down her eyes, Homura's confession both warmed and hurt her heart. Still, at no point did she move away from Homura, only comforting her while she processed her own feelings. Feeling Homura's thumb gently caressing her in her embrace made her realize that Homura was also trying to comfort her, even while breaking down like that, and that only made Mami's tears flow harder.
It took a while for the two to compose themselves, and they separated just enough to rest their foreheads against each other. Neither of them said anything, just letting their breathing stabilize for a moment before looking at each other. Gold and amethyst met, before their lips met.
It was... Different from yesterday. Yesterday's were intense, dominating the senses, almost aggressive in a way even when Homura was gentle, seeming to burn her skin upon contact, trying to consume her in some way. This one was... Less intense, but more emotional in a way. No teeth clashing as their tongues danced together, just their lips meeting chastely and sweetly. No words were exchanged, and yet she could practically feel what Homura felt in that moment.
When they separated, Mami placed a hand on Homura's cheek, which she twitched before leaning into the touch.
"I... I understand." Homura looked her in the eyes, and Mami shivered. "I mean... I don't understand exactly what you're feeling, but... I think I understand the bigger picture." She gently caressed Homura's face. "You still have a lot of emotional conflicts and... Even though you want to try, you don't know if you're ready for a relationship, do you?"
A slight nod was her response.
"...Do you want me to give you some space for a few days?"
"No. Just..." Homura sighed and leaned in again to touch their foreheads. "I know what I'm asking is selfish, but... Can you wait for me? Until the day I can solve everything? Until I can... Not leave Madoka behind, but... Until I can love you freely and without guilt?"
"Of course. Take as long as you need." Mami responded without hesitation. She couldn't help but give a small, playful smile, though. "Just don't you dare keep me waiting until we're really old to answer me."
Homura snorted, which was the equivalent of loud laughter coming from her, which made Mami feel more relieved.
Neither of them moved, both still wanting to enjoy the other's warmth as they comforted each other. Maybe their relationship wasn't normal, their friendship started out full of ups and downs, and certainly if they became something more, it would be even more complicated. Still, the two were more than willing to try, to understand each other and to wait, and when the day came, they would cross the obstacles together hand in hand.
And as she thought about it, out of the corner of her eye, Mami could swear she saw a young girl with pink hair, golden eyes and a happy smile on her face, just as she was sure she heard a voice echo in her mind.
"Take care of Homura-Chan for me, okay?"
Some details about this AU:
-Currently, they are between 17-18 years old.
-Mami hasn't grown much in height in recent years, four centimeters at most, so she's still in the 160 cm range. Sayaka and Kyouko also grew a little, but they were already tall before, so now they are almost 170 cm. Homura has become a pole, and is now almost 180 cm tall.
- It begins the same way the Wraith Arc begins, but instead of Sayaka dying and being taken by Madoka, Sayaka managed to maintain a single strand of magic that left her connected to the New World. Mami and Kyouko quickly used all the cubes they had to prevent her from leaving forever.
-Sayaka's near death also made her meet Madoka, who gave her back her memories and gave her the ability to have a 'Perfect Memory', that is, it cannot be altered by Homura's powers.
-Homura and Sayaka mutually agreed to never tell their friends about what really happened to Madoka, not only would it be crazy, but they were also afraid that Kyubey would overhear their conversation and decide to follow 'The ways of the Old World'. They just said that Madoka was a Magical Girl who was their friend and let the rest theorize as they please with that.
-In the beginning, Homura was incredibly attentive to Mami because she hated herself, and found it horrible to see a reflection of herself whenever she looked at Mami. Now she does it because she likes Mami.
-Kyouko lives with Sayaka, just like in Rebellion. You don't want to know how the argument between Sayaka and her parents went, just that it lasted about a month before they agreed.
-Mami knows very well how... Emotionally and socially stunted Homura can be, which is why she agreed to give her a break without any hesitation. It's not the first time they've had a similar conversation, and it most likely won't be the last.
-I imagine Mami has a lot of PTSD, Panic Attacks and Survivor's Guilt, but she is very good at hiding it and pretending that everything is fine. Homura, having known hundreds of versions of her, simply stares at her, says 'Bullshit' and doesn't leave her side until she gets better.
-It probably took about six months before Homura asked Mami out on a date. And a few more dates before she formally asked her to be her girlfriend. Sayaka and Kyouko set off fireworks that day.
-Madoka is probably changing her and Homura's wedding plans to include Mami among them.