Trigger warning: nightmare, suicide, self-harm, murder

Updated 11 May 2024: I didn't think the chapter was conclusive enough to match the title.

Chapter 1: The Blood Brings Color and Fluoresce

Eastern Air Temple

Four months ago

The sun was hidden behind deep grey clouds, indicating rain approaching. Jinorah sat atop a pillar at the base of a staircase, watching two boys and a girl playing an air scooter racing game. The breeze picked up as the oncoming rain dropped the temperature a few degrees, but the siblings—Milo (13), Ikki (15) and Rohan (6)—playing in the courtyard were too preoccupied with their game to notice. They all wore matching red and yellow uniforms of airbender children. However, Jinorah, the eldest sibling and only one with tattoos, wore a yellow "Wan Era" (named after the first avatar) underdress with a long red dress, all secured in a brown sash around her waist, and a scarf over her hair. Her woven sandals rested at the foot of the old marble staircase, along with three other smaller pairs of slippers.

The young airbender looked up to see her parents, Pema and Tenzen, running towards them.

"Ikki, Milo, Rohan, Jinorah, come inside now!" Pema said urgently. The three younger siblings halted their game. Milo flew into Ikki, tumbling them both to the ground. Rohan laughed at them as he came to a graceful stop next to his father, who picked him up immediately. Tenzen's head was smooth as any male air nomad, sporting a long, greying beard from his age of 60, and the robes of a master airbender. Pema's darker red robes covered her heavily pregnant belly but light as she was essentially a walking furnace. At the age of 44, her pregnancy was considered high risk. She grabbed Milo's hand, heading towards the smallest tower of the temple.

The wind soon picked up as droplets of rain fell. Bringing the familiar, hollow sound music in the wind. However, Jinorah also heard the cries of griffins and dragons in the distance, a sound she would soon dread to ever hear again. She knew then that Tenzen and Pema were not escaping the rain at all.

"Daddy, why're we running?" Rohan asked, fear in his little voice.

"Don't worry, there is just going to be a bad storm, and we need you all safe," Tenzen reassured his son. They were all alone in the halls, having only come to the Western Temple for a vacation.

Republic City was officially on lock down due to the conflict between the Air Nation, and the combined alliance of the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom. Jinorah knew the vacation was a cover up for Tenzen hiding his family from the war. The eldest daughter knew things her parents wouldn't want the younger siblings to know. But that was all she knew, unfortunately.

Tenzen stopped before one of the massive double doors only opened through airbending. He took his stance, one foot in front of the other, then blasted wind into the two holes makes up the snaking tunnels of the low. And so, it was opened. The family ushered inside, then Pema pulled an unlit lantern on the wall to her right. A stone slab slid open, revealing a small room. Suddenly, an explosion erupted in the distance, causing the whole temple to rumble violently. Ikki yelped in alarm, fucking near her father. Rohan held his neck firmly, shaking in fear. Milo stood strong despite the tremors. He snarled at the massive door, now shutting them in darkness. His dark brown tail, ending in short, fluffy curls at the tip, lashed in fury.

"They're destroying our temple!" he shouted. Pema quickly covered his mouth as her arms instinctively became bushy feathers from the goosebumps on her skin. But before Tenzen herded their four children into that little room, flames blasted the double doors apart like paper, Jinorah instinctively whipped her arms out in a circular motion, spiraling air out to funnel the flames out of the way. Smaller flames locked away wooden remains of the doors as over a dozen troops surrounded the family. Pema took Rohan, holding his tightly as she tried to back the children into the room.

"Tenzen, for your crimes of conspiring against the Earthen Blaze Alliance, you will executed!"

Tenzen stood in front of his wife and children, putting his hands up in surrender.

"Please, spare my family, they're—"His words were abruptly cut short by a swift swing of a sword to his throat. Ikki screamed in grief as he father's head tumbled to the floor, followed by the rest of his body. Her screams were soon silenced. A bullet of lightning struck her in the face. Jinorah had never smelled human flesh burning so suddenly.

All she could do was stand numbly as her frantic family were destroyed one by one. Rohan cried and cried endlessly. But even he was not spared. Milo tried to fight back, blasting one of the soldiers back with so much force they fell into a large wooden splinter on the wall, killing them instantly. But he was one boy against the dozen older, experienced soldiers. His neck was sliced open by the very sword that beheaded his father. Jinorah's eyes remained locked ahead in her shocked state, only hearing the choking, sputtering mess of her brother hit the floor.

"Kill the fetus, let it die quickly," she heard one of them say. There was no need to imagine the swift offing of her unborn sibling.

Let it die quickly.

Die.

Quickly.

That voice did all of the talking before and after the massacre. Would she ever forget the sound of such a beast?

Blood sprayed upon the walls and floor, soaking Jinorah's favorite dress in maroon—the blood of the one Earth griffon—and dark purple—the color of Air harpies. She felt a wetness between her legs, frozen in spot as a pale yellow dripped from her feet. Tears stained her face, her voice choking in her throat. But when Jinorah finally snapped her body out of the shock, the world was taken out from under her. All she could do was shriek in an immeasurable pain as she suddenly lost all feeling past her thighs.

Western Air Temple, present day

The girl screamed herself out of sleep, writhing in agony and terror of the things she dreamt. The 19-year-old girl had fresh bandages covering the remains of her legs, amputated at her thighs. However, her tossing and turning caused some stitches in her thighs to bleed, soiling the sheets a deep red on and under her.

"It hurts! It hurts!" she shrieked, tears streaming from her dull grey eyes. Her cries attracted the nurses in the hall, and she was soon surrounded by four of them, all dressed in soft white robes. One of them glided her tanned palm over a bowl of water, which soon flowed over both her hands, glowing. She hovered her palms at the injured girl's temples, intending to sooth her mind out of her nightmare. The air nomad's shouting soon decreased into whimpers as she tightly shut her eyes again, as if blinking would block out that bad dream.

"Very good, Kiana," an older nurse praised the younger waterbender. She smiled gently in return. "Thank you, Miss Senma," she whispered. The airbender breathed heavily, wincing as Kiana removed her hands from the girl's head. At the same time, the other two nurses were carefully removing her bandages to replace. They tried to let Kiana heal her amputation scars with her own technique, the patient responded poorly, lashing out at the waterbender. In her eyes, every other bender was a threat to her life. As so, they cared for her in the long, painful process of natural healing.

The few times the 19-year-old airbender was awake and responsive to the nurses, she preferred to sit alone in the courtyard, watching the female inhabitants of the temple tend to their work of laundry, caring fold the elderly and disabled, raise children, and more. They nurses learned that Jinorah was not comfortable around anyone who wasn't her four caretakers, so they kept other residents away from her. The Eastern Temple was quite large and held many empty rooms, so that was no problem.

"Sometimes just standing her room too long drains me," the third nurse, Yehn, muttered to the fourth nurse, Nora. Nora shushed her, frowning. "Don't speak of Councilman Tenzin's daughter that way, the spirits would not approve."

"I know, I know," Yehn sighed, slouching her shoulders as she stroked her long braid. "It's just, I hear her cries in my sleep now. It has been four long months and little progress."

"That girl witnessed things no child should ever see. Her healing could take a lifetime," Nora replied. The two nurses straightened their posture as Senma, their senior and superior, approached. Her hands were folding behind her back.

"Good afternoon, Miss Senma," the women greeted their upperclassman in unison.

"Ladies, Jinorah has made a request," Senma began, fixing her gaze on Nora. The dark haired non-bender met her gaze. "She requested a small showing of a bird in flight. And seeing as you are part griffin, Nora, she asked that you show her your skill."

"You want me to act as a circus animal?" Nora questioned. "I-I mean, yes, of course, Miss Senma."

"I understand it's not an ideal situation, but she needs all of us, even as "circus animals"," Senma said. "Everything we do is in support of her recovery. Her peace is our priority. Remember that."

Jinorah's thoughts were a blank slate, greyer than her empty gaze staring out her window. She observed two eagle cats picking dead prey on a cliff edge. Then she looked at the many lemurs that soared in the sky beside bisons and harpy airbenders, who typically only morphed their arms into wings, as a full transformation was such a hassle these days. Some serpents bathed under flowing fountain falls, where many old and retired Water Tribesmen and women spent most of their days.

And then, there were the fire lizards and earth rodents. Jinorah was disgusted by the sight of griffons and dragons soiling the nomadic land with their existence. No matter how much they came and went in peace, she boiled with anger just seeing them smiling and talking with the nurses and nuns.

Then, she saw airbenders on gliders beyond the cliff side. Even non-airbenders glides with small aircraft's perfected by Teo, a long deceased mechanist who envisioned a world where disabled and able-bodied creatures had equity. But in this world, Jinorah was bound to a wheelchair, dreaming of that freedom. All she could do was watch, living through those flying and gliding strangers.

She averted her gaze from the window, only to look at Nora quietly entering. She ducked, as if attempting to shrink herself to appear harmless.

"Miss Jinorah, how are you feeling?" she asked gently, smiling sickening sweet. Jinorah slightly curled a corner of her lip in disgust, looking down at her lap.

"Mmh."

"Miss Senma told me you wanted to watch me flying."

"Mhm," the 19-year-old nodded in response. Nora fidgeted her hands. "Well, would you like to go to your garden? I made sure to inform the other sisters of your arrival, so no one would disturb us." Jinorah perked up at this. Nora let out a relieved breath, walking over to the airbender, grasping the handles of her wheelchair. She rotated Jinorah to the door and walked out, strolling down the shady corridor.

She entered a wider space, separating them from the outside by two sliding doors on both sides of the corridor's end. Outside, bushes upon bushes of carnations, tulips, lavender, tiger lilies, roses, raspberries, and many more colorful plants of varying species, shapes and colors blossomed all around her in the "Pema Garden," named after her late mother. However, Jinorah couldn't bring herself to speak of them aloud. The reminder that her family would never come back haunted her. After Bumi was killed in combat, and his younger sister Kya vanished in the Spirit World on an expedition for the Avatar spirit Rava. No one knows what happened to that group.

Nora threw a door open to her right, then looked back at Jinorah. The non-bender's shorter raven hair faintly moved in the cool Autumn breeze, her long front braids weighed down with wood carved beads. Jinorah couldn't help but admire the natural beauty her most favored caretaker. She knew the nurse was not most enthusiastic about her responsibilities, but her smile made Jinorah's days a little less gloomy.

"It's already fall, but it still smells spring! It's almost like aromatherapy for me," she sighed contently. Then Nora opened the other sliding glass door before rolling Jinorah out to her usual spot in the garden when the bricks in the ground stopped her wheelchair from rolling anywhere. Nora then began to remove her outer two white robes, stripping down to her undershorts and tank top. Jinorah respectfully covered her eyes with both her hands, pretending it was a game. See a human, close your eyes, and a raven griffin soon takes its place, her black feathers appearing almost dark purple in the evening sunlight. Nora's legs became thoughts of a lioness, her wings stretching nearly four feet wide from her back. Feathers lined her eagle face, her beak parting to let out a triumphant screech. The 19-year-old cracked a light smile, to Nora's surprise. The girl rarely smiled, if at all. The nurse's fingers fused into the legs of an eagle, three sharp talons scraping the stones.

Although benders put the girl on edge, Jinorah was used to Nora in her true form. She watched Nora flap her wings, spreading a few feathers as she lifted off the ground, taking off into the fog belong the cliff. A few moments later, the raven shape shot upwards, twirling in the air, flying in loops and dropping down just to spread her wings wide, blowing a gust of window upon the garden. Jinorah's shrank down, whimpering, uncovering herself to see Nora running to her. Her lips curled back into a humanoid shape, a little grotesque on an animalistic form.

"Miss Jinorah, are you okay?"

"J-just windy," she murmured. Nora shrank into her human form, cracking bones in places to adjust to her weaker shape and size. She quickly redressed, thinking how foolish she was to attempt such a dive so close to Jinorah's head.

"It was... it was nice," Jinorah said quietly. Nora looked at her inquisitively. Nice...?

"I'm glad you were pleased," Nora smiled, shrugging her last robe over her shoulders. Jinorah, despite her blank expression, was shaking, hugging herself while staring off. Nora sighed sadly, the kind words falling on deaf ears.

No matter how colorful and florescent her garden was, there was always blood in her vision. Even when they utilized so many uplifting activities, the emotions stirred chaotically inside. Nora felt great sympathy for Jinorah, no matter how tired she was at times.

When Nora looked up, she saw three individuals in dark purple silk approaching from the edge of the cliff. Mist followed their footsteps, pacing a path through the grassy clearing where flowers did not grow. The three figures each wore a black mask with gold faces were painted in a Picasso smile. As soon as the nurse laid eyes upon the gold buttons on their robes, her blood ran cold.

No, not now. She isn't ready!

The Following Evening

Blood choked from the horrid wound in Milo's neck as Jinorah dragged herself to him. Her body was screaming, burning from the pain. She felt as if her life were actively draining from her veins, hopelessly pumping blood all over the floor. All she saw was purple and red, no beginning of a leg or end of a soaked, brownish strand of hair around her. She collapsed on her belly next to Milo, looking into his dead eyes. His tears stopping flowing, as did his ragged breaths.

suddenly, green veins snaked up his neck, out of his wound. His eyes became green pools of water, melting out of their sockets. All around the dying airbender, red and purple became many colors: lavender, mahogany, orange, white, black, and other shades her weak mind couldn't comprehend.

Nature blossomed from the corpses as the marble walls fell away, bringing a blinding light to her frightening nightmare.

In a moment's notice, Jinorah stood in a mossy clearing in what she assumed to be her afterlife. Exotic plants of the Spirit World grew around her. Mushrooms shied away from her. Lillies coughed pollen in the wind. Lightning bugs rose from the dozens upon dozens of bushes. She stood on her own legs, miraculously. She had to be dead at this point, right?

But she wasn't alone in her supposed final moments.

In front of her was another girl, a little more built and shorter than Jinorah. Her arrows were not solid blue, but a mirage of little black ink designs on her body. Her lower belly contained some kind of branding symbol in the shape of her heart, and another above her belly as well. Her whole body was covered in these artistic, binding designs. She saw small inked names in some places, in languages she assumed to be English and Latin, neither of which she could read. The girl wore fine, thin white silks draped over her naked body. The only coverage she wore was white shorts that hugged her hips.

"Such a beautiful spirit," Jinorah whispered. The young woman walked up to her, handing her a silver blade. It reflected sunlight, its gems sparkling blue and green. She looked at the silk clad woman, puzzled.

"We will make them bleed," she said. The 19-year-old hesitantly accepted the knife, unsure of what to do with it. Suddenly, the white spirit had her own knife, shimmering in her light. Her wrists and thighs were already bleeding from numerous cuts. She bled the red of an airbender. Jinorah felt compelled to match the spirit, raising the knife to her neck, her hands trembling. The tip of the blade broke skin, trickling down to her collarbone. Even here, she could feel the pain.

"The blood brings color and fluoresce," the spirit smiled. "The blood helps to forget the shit show that is my life."

"I don't want to hurt anymore," Jinorah whispered. Pools of blood flashed behind her eyes, all their dead eyes, no voices to cry. "Where are we, spirit?" The white spirit chuckled darkly at her question. Jinorah grew flustered with impatience.

"Where are we? We're in Hell." The spirit proceeded to drag the knife over her throat, gushing more blood over herself. She fell to her knees, letting the bodily fluids drips from her slightly purple lips. The crimson pumped to the beat of the spirit's heart in her veins, soaking the ground beneath her. Oddly enough, Jinorah was not afraid. She could join her, it would be so easy. Just one swift move, and it would all end. She could finally go to sleep in peace.

The 19-year-old pushed the knife into her skin. The blade was cold and burning to the touch of flesh under pale skin. She did not feel the warmth of her blood, the blurring of her vision. Jinorah half expected the whole, "life flashing before her eyes," but nothing changed. Her knees bucked under the weight of herself, crackling and snapping like twigs. Jinorah landed on her face, causing the knife to plunge deeper.

Her choking gasps were the last thing in her mind, begging her to let go.

Jinorah woke with a start. On this rare waking occasion, she did not cry out in fear. However, she felt moisture in her sheets. The tired airbender sat up slowly, but there was no royal purple shade. She had soiled herself in her fearful sleep. Jinorah let her upper body drop back down, frustrated tears stinging her eyes. It was just a dream.

Her peaceful death was nothing more than an illusion. And to show for it, she was covered in her own urine. Of course, Nora, Senma, Yehn, and Kiana cleared her bedding away—as well as the thin mattress to soak—to the laundry room. Jinorah was in a daze. She could hardly feel the shower of warm water on her back as cocoa butter soap was gently massaged into her back. She trusted the nurses to handle her bathing, as she hardly had the drive to lift a brush herself. What use was the effort of hygiene in this dejected state?

"We have waited seven months for this moment, Miss Senma. She has to come with us now!"

"She isn't fully recovered, Lord Minnow. The trials could destroy her mind!"

Miss Senma and Lord Minnow were in the middle of a heated discussion, which Nora strained her ear to listen to from around the corner. The two superiors were in an office behind closed doors, but Nora remained close to the marble wall to hear them as best as she could.

Lord Minnow happened to be one of the individuals clad in purple robes and gold accented masks, demanding the nurses hand Jinorah into their custody. But Senma stood her ground insistent upon protecting Tenzen's only living daughter.

"She cannot walk, Lord Minnow. She is often catatonic and scared of her own dreams, for spirits sake. Jinorah is not fit for the trials in her condition," Senma explained, agitation in her tone.

"You told us she would have learned to walk on her prosthetic legs by now," Lord Minnow glared at the older woman.

"That was before we learned she feared bending, my Lord," she replied. "We have forbidden our Water Tribe sisters from using their healing techniques. I'm sorry, but she just isn't ready."

"This is no excuse, Miss Senma. Either she comes with us, or your nation is excluded from the Avatar cycle."

"You cannot do this, Lord Minnow!" she protested.

"The Avatar doesn't care who they become in the mortal world, remember? Wouldn't be the first time your element was skipped," he glared, hinting at the tragedy of the Hundred Year War. Senma furrowed her brows in a frown.

"I have devoted my life to protecting the legacy of Avatar Aang. You have no right to disrespect us, my Lord."

"Heal her, and tell Priya we expect her new legs as soon as possible. You have one more month, to prepare, or you are out."

"I understand," Senma relented, lowering her gaze. Nora gasped, then clamped a hand over her mouth to silence her noise. The Avatar's return was unheard of in their generation. The world essentially suppressed the entity, that demigod, for over 100 years. Even Avatar Aang could not pass on the Avatar spirit in his era! Have times become desperate enough to bring the Avatar back?

Nora slicked away from her hiding spot, rushing straight to Jinorah's corner of the temple. She had to warn her patient of what was to come. It felt like the right thing to do.

"Jinorah!" She burst into the 19-year-old's room. Luckily, the girl was awake and unfazed by her abrupt entrance. Jinorah sat in her wheelchair by her window, looking out at the scene of her garden and fountain below. They could not see the sky from here, so only a single candle lit up the room. She turned to Nora. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry if I disrupted you, but there is something I have to tell you at once," Nora began, clearing her throat after. "T-the spiritbenders, they've come for you."

All the airbender could do was stare at the nurse with that same blank look as always. Had the spirits driven the Earthlings mad? Jinorah refused to bend or be touched by benders for months, but now they expected her to stand before the Avatar spirit in the trials?

"No," she deadpanned, then turned back to the window. "I'm a broken cripple. They're wasting their time."

"Senma already allowed them to take you away one month from now. She, um, she is going to have Kiana heal your scars... faster?" Nora smiled nervously, knowing she might just trigger the girl at the mere thought of being touched with waterbending. But to her surprise, Jinorah did not budge.

"Will it, will it stop the nightmares?"

"A healer may soothe your mind, but it won't erase the trauma or nightmares, I'm afraid." Jinorah looked down at her lap. She grabbed her wheels, rolling them backwards slowly to face Nora. Her expression was unreadable.

"I want to walk again," she said at last. Nora went up to her, sitting at the edge of her bed. She grasped Jinorah's hand gently. "You will walk again, I promise," she smiled softly. "Senma hired the best prosthetists in Republic City just for your new legs. Do you remember Asami Sato? When she perfected the design of the platinum prosthetic limb?" Jinorah nodded in response.

"The procedure is a little painful, but with her help, you'll even have functioning ankles and toes with time," Nora explained. Jinorah nodded, hope warming up in her chest. If she really wanted Asami Sato to perfect her legs, she had to put in the work. She would have to start training again.

The blood brings color and fluoresce, she thought, thinking of the fading memory of her odd dream. Was that girl trying to encourage her to die in real life? Whatever it was, Jinorah didn't truly have the heart to make an attempt. The thought of suicide saddened her. How could she end her life when people were counting on her? When people had so much faith in her?

"Is something on your mind?" Nora asked, tilting her head to the side. Jinorah quickly shook her head, pushing the thought away. She yawned after, then Kiana poked her head in.

"Oh, hello Jinorah, Nora," she said. "Am I interrupting?"

"Did Senma send you?" Nora asked, deflecting from Kiana's question.

"Uh, yes, she did," the waterbender replied, stepping in. "Did you hear?"

"She told me," Jinorah said, looking up at Kiana. "I want to walk again."

"Really? That's great!" Kiana beamed, but hesitated. "But that means I have to heal you myself. You understand that, right?" The 19-year-old nodded.

"I'll do it, although I really don't have a choice," the airbender said quietly, trailing off. "I'll do whatever it takes to get my body back."

The 19-year old was left alone for her meal, upon her request. The breakfast consisted of two sweet buns, pan fried tofu marinated in a savory spicy sauce, a bowl of steamed rice topped with light garlic oil, and moon peace juice. The cooks knew she wouldn't finish it all, but still went out of their way to prepare her some of her old favorite foods and drinks. It felt like such a waste as she took small bites of every item, sipping juice with the spicy tofu. A knife was provided, mostly for appearance's sake. None part of this meal truly required a knife.

The airbender picked up the knife, inspected the polished metal and sharpened edge. It was a fine quality for mere silverware.

Color and fluoresce.

She swallowed the last of her juice, then placed the tray on one of her nightstands. One sweet bun was eaten completely, a rare occurrence. Jinorah gripped the knife if her right hand, staring intently. Her pulse felt more intense than usual, anticipation coursing through her thoughts. She pressed the blade to her forearm, squeezing her eyes shut. All it took was one swift gesture to drag the knife across, but only enough to break skin. It stung at first. So did the second, and the third, and so on.

She remembered the last time something small but huge hurt this much. As a master airbender, she had received her tattoos at only age 11, when the pricks and needles were everywhere. The airbender never would've thought this would be the next thing marked on her skin in drops of royal purple. Would it be permanent? Would anyone notice?

Jinorah scraped another cut across the others, totaling six mildly bleeding cuts. Six lives taken, one of which never getting a chance to be. She tried to pull her legs up to her chest. Her eyes grew hot with tears, remembering the horrible stumps forever burdening her body. The 19-year-old couldn't even curl up and cry without her mind tricking her. She suppressed her sobs, shaking and sniffling quietly as the blanket remained firmly pressed into her arm.

The pain and color flowed from her skin, but it was a micro dosage compared to the real, gut wrenching pain in her heart, knowing she had to survive with the ugliest of scars. Even worse, she had to put on a brave front for a new burden.

Thank you for reading.

- ML