A/N: So sorry for the delay! All of your comments on the last chapter are moving this story along, I have no idea what's to come but you all give me so many great ideas! Quick reminder for everyone, no form of hate speech will be tolerated on my stories. If you do not agree with the story, quietly see yourself out. Otherwise, thank you so much to my faithful and loyal readers! I hope you enjoy this next chapter
Chapter 7
He was pacing across his office, he didn't know why he thought it would be a good idea to invite her upstairs. They were in the middle of hosting a party, they were unavailable to each other, and they were currently both slightly inebriated. She looked so sad though, so disappointed and he needed to make sure she was okay. All night he had been trying to get a good look at her, to really take in her beauty, but the room was too crowded and there were too many wandering eyes. He needed a minute alone with her, just one minute to breathe her air and hear her sweet voice.
"Mr. Grant?" Her voice was soft, tentative. There was only a dim light illuminating his face, he looked stressed but she couldn't even begin to wonder why. He had stripped out of his jacket and tossed it onto the couch, and the sleeves of his white button down were now rolled up exposing his strong forearms. She took a deep breath, trying to ground herself before his intentions were revealed.
"Liv… lock the door behind you please?" His eyes met hers, the darkness of the room made it hard to tell for sure but from where she stood his eyes had shifted into a stormy gray color, much different than the soft blue she had grown accustomed to.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea." She was so quiet. Was she nervous, was he making her nervous? Or was she feeling the same way he was and didn't want to show her eagerness? He didn't know, at this moment he couldn't read her and it only raised his anxiety. At her rejection of his request, he walked towards her. He moved slowly, not wanting to scare her and stopped less than a foot in front of her. Even with her heels he towered over her and she let her eyes wander up, only being met with a view of his throat and jaw. She swallowed hard as her heartbeat quickened, being this close to him made her physically and mentally unable to function. He smelled good, she hadn't noticed downstairs but now that her nose was inches from his throat the mix of his sweat and cologne filled her and she never wanted to forget the sensations she was feeling.
He reached around her body, avoiding her gaze as he pulled the door closed and turned the lock. The gasp that left her lips when their chests came into contact was enough to cause a stir in his groin. For weeks he had been worried that the feelings he had were his and his only, but the way her body responded to him already confirmed that his feelings were shared. Maybe she did want him as much as he wanted her. All he had to do was ask, he had to stop being a coward and just ask her if he felt the same way. Of course that was much easier said than done.
He stepped away from her, still avoiding eye contact as he walked back to his desk. He sat down on the edge, stretching his feet out in front of him and crossing his ankles. Her eyes never left him, from his jaw to his back and now to his face she couldn't stop watching him. The room remained silent, only the sounds of their unsteady breathing lying between them. His hands moved into his pockets, mostly to hide the way they were shaking as his nerves rattled his entire being. She was the first to break the silence after what seemed to be an eternity of watching each other.
"What are we doing up here, Mr. Grant? Everyone is downstairs, they'll be looking for you eventually." She could only hope that her voice was steady enough to hide everything she was feeling. Her body was wracked with nerves, excitement, anticipation, but she was also hesitant. Now that they were alone, really truly alone for the first time she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to control her feelings. Until now there was always something or someone to keep her inhibitions in check, but now she was intoxicated and locked in a room with this man who consistently managed to steal her breath away and she was hurting because the man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with had left her alone.
"I just- I needed to see you. I needed to really see you, I haven't been able to look at you all night. Not the way I want to." His voice was low, but soft. It surprised him that there was no sense of arousal in his voice, only admiration. "I also wanted to make sure you're okay."
"Of course I'm okay, why wouldn't I be okay? Mr. Grant, I-I don't think this is appropriate." She turned to walk away but his voice pulled her back in, stopping her dead in her tracks with her back turned to him.
"Fitz. My name is Fitz, and I really need you to start using it. You're not okay, Livvie. You brought Jake here with certain expectations and he spent the entire night practically ignoring you before just leaving you standing in another man's arms. You've looked sad all night…"
"You've been watching me?" She turned to face him, her breath catching in her throat when her eyes met his. It was as if he could see straight through her, and his gaze was burning a hole into her skin.
"Of course I've been watching you. I can't stop watching you. I want to know what you're thinking, I want to know what you're feeling every moment of every day. I want to know which smile means you're happy and which smile is just you being polite. I want to know every emotion on your face, I watch you constantly. My every move is based on the look on your face." He stopped for a moment, slightly out of breath from the drawn out rant that he didn't intend on making. He ran his hand through his hair as he once again began pacing across his office while she continued to stand still, mouth slightly agape as her eyes followed him.
"You can't… you can't keep watching me."
"Do you think I want to be looking at you?" He nearly hissed. He didn't intend to, but these thoughts have consumed him for five years and this may be the only chance he had to share it with her. "Do you think I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married, Olivia! But she doesn't drive me crazy, she doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal, she doesn't make me sick to my stomach seeing her in the arms of another man! I couldn't give two shits about the look on her face. But you? Everything, everything I do is based on the look on your face. My every feeling is controlled by you. I know I shouldn't be saying any of this, I know there's every possibility that I am going to scare you away but I can't stand here with you and not tell you how I feel."
A wave of relief washed over him, he wanted to tell her that he had been waiting five years to say these things to her but he didn't want to overwhelm her more than he just had. He watched her carefully, watching as a plethora of different emotions came across her face. For the first time since he met her, he couldn't read her. Until she said something he would be left standing there, unsure of what was to come of them. It felt like an eternity that he stood there, leaving his confession in the air as he awaited a response.
Suddenly she felt like she was being stabbed a hundred times over, it's not that his words had hurt her- his confession was far too sweet to be painful. She was hurting though, she hurt because no one had ever so candidly expressed their feelings for her that way. Sure, she had some short relationships in highschool, then she met Jake and men still flirted, but the way Fitz spoke about her was overwhelming at best. All thoughts of Jake had practically disappeared as she looked into the blue eyes of the man in front of her. After his declaration, his eyes had started to soften back into their cerulean blue that Olivia could only barely make out in the dark room. She stood there, breathing heavily with her mouth slightly agape before chuckling softly, her natural defenses kicking in.
"You can't. You can't say things like that. You're married, I'm engaged, and it's just not true. You only feel this way because you're having marriage problems and I'm a new woman in your life that you spend a lot of time with. That's all this is-"
"Don't tell me how I feel, Olivia! I wouldn't risk losing you for the rest of my life if it wasn't true. My marriage was in shambles long before you came along and Jake? Jake barely looked at you all night and I have never seen a man so eager to dance with another woman. I'm not trying to assume anything about your relationship, if you are truly happy then I'll walk out of this room right now and you'll never have to see me again." He was ranting, he was nervous and now he was rambling with absolutely no final destination. "I just think you're beautiful and smart and funny, I want to see you happy and I don't know I thought maybe you-"
"Fitz…" She said it so quietly he wasn't really sure she spoke. He must have heard her right though, because just like that his mouth was dry and his breath was stuck in his throat. "Fitz, it's okay. I- I don't know how I feel. I have feelings for you, but I agreed to spend the rest of my life with Jake."
"I know. I know and I would never ask you to step out-"
"Fitz, stop talking. I'm trying to tell you that right now I don't care. I should, I really should but I don't. Until we wake up tomorrow morning I don't want to talk about Jake or Mellie. I can't stop what I feel for you and for the first time I am giving myself permission to stop trying to stop it." Her confidence had come back and she stood a little straighter as she spoke to him. Her feet betrayed her and without realizing it she was getting closer and closer to him with each word she spoke until she was standing by his desk. He had stopped pacing and was now only one long stride away from her.
His lips turned into her favorite lopsided grin. There were no more words that he could speak right now. The way she said his name had made his entire body freeze, he knew it would sound good coming from her lips but nothing prepared him for just how mesmerizing the reality was. There were so many ways that he wanted to cause his name to fall off of her lips, and if tonight was the only night that she would let down her walls then he would have to draw all of them out within the next couple of hours. If she would allow him, he would pour every feeling he had out right here and now so that she never had to question him.
His eyes finally left hers when she lowered her big, brown orbs to his mouth. He mimicked her movements, letting his gaze fall on her plump, dark cherry red lips. The moment that her lips began to curve into a smile he quickly closed the gap between them, his left hand moved behind her neck as he crashed his lips against hers. The move caused her to gasp, and Fitz used the opportunity to dart his tongue into her mouth, quickly withdrawing it to allow her time to process what was happening. Her lips were soft, they melded against his perfectly as if they were made for each other. A minute ago Fitz would have been willing to let her go if that's what she wanted, but now he wasn't sure he could ever let her go. It was too good, too right to ever stop kissing her.
He was kissing her, she wasn't imagining it as she had a couple times before. This was real, his hand was really there holding her against him and his lips were definitely maneuvering with hers. She didn't fight it, how could she? Never had a kiss ignited her body the way his did and it was no surprise to her that her lips were involuntarily moving along with his. When his tongue entered her mouth she could taste the scotch lingering in his mouth and the sensation was enough to elicit an unexpected moan from deep inside of her. Once she fully relaxed into him, her hands moved to his hard chest and she opened her mouth further for him, sliding her tongue across his bottom lip as a way to grant him permission to do more.
He didn't need to be told twice that she wanted more, she tasted amazing and her lips had him in a trance. His tongue slid into her mouth, dancing over hers for nearly a minute before he pulled away and looked at her, his eyes wide. "You've been drinking tequila?" He didn't have a single complaint about the taste, in fact it was turning him on even more and he decided at that moment that he only ever wanted to taste tequila off of her tongue for the rest of his life. He lowered his head and placed gentle kisses along her jaw, making his way to her neck as he waited for her to answer.
"Only one shot, I needed a little liquid courage before I came up to see you." She laughed softly before her eyes fluttered closed and a low moan grew from deep within her chest. One of her hands moved into his hair, running through it gently. She had thought about running her hands through his hair so many times before, she had imagined how soft it would be and what sounds he would make when she pulled on it. But nothing compared to the reality of him groaning against her neck and grazing his teeth along her jaw as she tugged on the curly locks.
The moment the words processed through his mind Fitz pulled his mouth away from her skin, eliciting a whine from her. He cupped her face between his hands and drew her eyes to his. "You don't ever need liquid courage with me. I will never do anything to make you uncomfortable, and if I do you have every right to tell me and shut it down." She smiled softly at him, there was no denying the truth in his words. The way he looked at her made her feel like the only woman in the world, like all he wanted was to care for her for the rest of their days. "We should stop now, before we can't stop."
He couldn't help but chuckle at the frown on her face, but he felt it too. The last thing he wanted to do was stop, and before they started talking he had every intention of taking her in every way possible right here in his office. But something about her kiss gave him a new found hope that maybe tonight wouldn't be their only chance to be together. He kissed the frown between her eyebrows softly before moving his hands down her arms and to her hands, holding them tightly in his. "Trust me, I don't want to either. But you deserve better than sneaky sex in my office while we are both drunk. And the last thing I want is for you to feel guilty tomorrow because you didn't have time to think this through."
"What if I think this through and decide I don't want it?" Her voice was quiet and broken again, it was enough to make Fitz want to cry. Of course this was a fear he had, he was completely terrified that after tonight she would go back to Jake and never think of Fitz again. But he had to let that go, he had to be a better man for her and he had to have hope that what they had together was more than a futile affair.
"I don't think you will. If you did, you wouldn't be so worried about it. And if you do, if tomorrow you decide that you don't have feelings for me and you never did, then that's okay. I can let you go if that's what you want me to do." He dropped one of her hands and moved his now free hand to her face. He brushed a stray piece of hair back behind her ear and used the moment to draw her back in for another kiss. "I won't go anywhere until you ask me to. You don't have to worry about waking up a week from now and learning that I no longer want you. I want you, I want us and I'll wait for as long as you need. You need to decide what is going to make you happy and what is going to give you the life you want."
She felt the tears pooling at her eyes and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop him. The events of the evening played through her head and she was sure that Fitz could see it too. When they arrived at the party, she had hopes of dancing and drinking and flirting with her fiance all night. She was excited to show him off and enjoy a real date night. Instead though, he had walked her around the party to talk and network with as many good names as he could. Most conversations he started didn't involve her and she was left to sip on her wine and watch the people around her. Every time her focus moved away from Jake she had looked for Fitz, wondering if he was having as miserable a time with Mellie. She wanted to see how he interacted in a social space, she wanted to talk to him just so that she could innocently flirt and laugh. She didn't though, she stood obediently by Jake and made sure to give him a supportive laugh and smile when it was necessary.
Then, she had finally gotten Jake onto the dancefloor and he hardly looked at her. His eyes continued to roam the room and if she had not had so much faith in him she would assume he was looking at other women in the room. Despite her trust and faith in her relationship, there was a twinge of hurt running through at the fact that she didn't have his full attention after all of the effort she had put into herself earlier in the evening. Fitz though, he spent the entirety of the night looking for her, just wanting to be able to see her and look at her any stolen moment he could. How could she really deny feelings for a man that was now so open about his feelings for her? Could she really let go of everything she knew about herself and everything they had built with Jake to be with Fitz? Would she be willing to engage in a secret affair with him to test the waters before giving everything up?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the feel of his thumbs brushing away the tears that had forsaken her and fallen on their own accord. His eyes were still on her, studying her face as she thought through every possible circumstance. Naturally, her body relaxed under his gaze and she felt herself physically grow smaller under his touch. She let instinct take over and this time it was her turn to initiate contact. Her lips met his in a gentle kiss, their mouths just barely grazing over each other as she breathed him in. Without pulling away, she smiled and let her eyes close before speaking. "I do have to think about things. But I think I want you too, I want this. I just need some time to figure out the rest." The words betrayed her, they were spoken with more emotion than rationality and she would curse herself later for it, when she wasn't so comfortably wrapped in his embrace.
Fitz smiled, it was the kind of smile to make Olivia melt and she hoped to see it everyday for as long as she was able. He pressed his lips against her forehead one last time before finally dropping his hands and removing himself from his space. "We should get back downstairs, otherwise I will end up making a liar out of myself." The lopsided grin on his face told Olivia exactly what he meant by that statement and she couldn't control the moisture that pooled between her thighs. In her twenty six years of life her body had never been so affected by a man, he didn't even need to touch her to turn her on. The only reason she could possibly come up with was the fact that he so openly and strongly declared his affection for her, she had never heard words like that spoken to her before and a part of her hoped that Fitz would be the only man to ever say those things again.
Two weeks, it had been two weeks of stolen glances and whispered touches. Ever since their night in his office the tension between them had been at an all time high, it was hard to concentrate anytime they were in the same room as each other and sometimes even when they were nowhere near each other. Olivia hadn't allowed them a single moment to be alone since the party, she couldn't trust herself to be alone with him now that she knew his touch. The feeling of his lips on hers still lingered, the taste of his tongue still caused her to toss and turn at night. Luckily for her, Jake had spent long days at work and had just left town for a new project so there was no time for intimacy between the two of them. She couldn't imagine sleeping with Jake while wrestling with the feelings that Fitz had ignited in her.
It was Friday, and Olivia still had a stack of work to complete before she could truly enjoy her weekend. She had made plans to see Abby, hopefully go out for a few drinks and allow herself to forget about the choice that lay ahead of her. There shouldn't be a choice, she felt guilty that she would even consider being with anyone other than Jake. She barely knew Fitz, it had only been a month and despite all of the time they spent together at work, they hadn't really gotten to know each other on a personal level. She couldn't possibly get to know Fitz any way other than professionally while she was engaged and he was married, it was wrong. Why would she ever risk her upcoming marriage for something that may only be a silly crush?
Her train of thought was interrupted by a faint knock on the door and a familiar baritone voice. "Hi, Livvie." He smiled brightly at her as he entered her office, a hot cup of tea in his hand. "I brought you a gift."
"Ugh," Olivia nearly moaned, "You are a lifesaver!." She chuckled at him as she reached for the cup before relaxing back in her chair. She eyed him for a moment before panic sunk in and she raised an eyebrow. "You're not bringing me more work to do, are you?"
The terrified expression on her face caused him to laugh, probably harder than he should have given how stressed she currently looked. "No, the opposite actually. I was coming in here to tell you that you're free to take an early weekend, I already sent everyone else home."
"That's sweet of you, really. Unfortunately there's too much that needs to get done by Monday, so I'll probably be here until five. Hopefully no later than that or else I'll have to change my evening plans." She took a sip of her tea, trying to ignore the fact that they were alone in the office now. Her plans of avoiding him by overworking herself had failed, and now she was forced to face him head on.
"Ooooh, do you have a hot date?" Fitz wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. Of course the thought of her spending the evening with Jake devastated him, but he promised to give her time and he knew that he would never get anywhere without building trust and friendship with her first.
"Yeah right, I haven't had a hot date since the party. And you know how that turned out," she made eye contact with him, she shouldn't have mentioned it but talking to him just came too easy for her. "Anyway, Jake is out of town. I'm supposed to be going out with my friend, Abby, tonight. You know, girls night."
He watched her for a moment, trying to gauge any emotions she felt towards Jake being gone, or towards the night they briefly spent together. She wasn't giving him any of the answers he was looking for, so he smiled softly and began to stand up from his seat across from her.
"Tell you what, I don't have much more going on today so I'll take some of the contacts off your hands."
"Fitz, the entire reason you hired me was so that you didn't have to worry about these things. You don't have to do that." She sighed and placed her hand on the files he was trying to take from her desk.
"Actually, I hired you because you want to become a lawyer and I can teach you how to get there. Or at least I like to think I can. You have plans tonight, you deserve to go have fun. Please let me take these?" He looked at her with an almost puppy-dog look, his bottom lip protruding slightly.
She eyed him carefully, gently biting the inside of her lip. He could watch her contemplating and took the moment to grab her hand that sat on the files. Instantly a jolt of electricity ran through his body and it took everything in him to fight against it. He gripped her hand gently and removed it from the files before letting it go, leaving both of them disappointed from the lack of contact.
"Fine, and thank you," she said softly as she smiled at him, her big, doe eyes peering up at him.
"You're welcome. Have fun tonight, and if you need anything please call me. Mellie took the kids to visit their grandparents this weekend so I'll be available when you get yourself into trouble." His suggestive grin caused her to look at him, feigning shock and offense at his accusation.
"Excuse me, mister. I am very responsible, no trouble will be had tonight!" All he could do was shake his head as he walked out of her office, feeling elated from their short moment of banter as he made his way back to his office.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
"Okay, you have to tell me what it's like working for McHotty!" Both women were three tequila shots and two beers deep at this point. They had decided to spend the evening at Cafe Citron, a club they had grown to enjoy since Olivia's twenty-first birthday but neither returned nearly as often as they would have liked to. The music was loud enough that they nearly had to yell to hear each other, which meant discussing Fitz was far from a good idea right now.
"What in the hell did you just call him?" Olivia couldn't help but laugh. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was just the feeling of relaxation but she couldn't remember a night that she had laughed this much. "Do you mean Fitz?"
"Fitz? You not only call your super powerful and mighty boss by his first name, but by his nickname?" Abby raised her eyebrows suspiciously at Olivia. The problem with knowing each other for as long as they have is that Liv can't really hide anything from Abby, no matter how much she tries.
"He insisted, everyday for two weeks. It's really no big deal." Olivia averted her eyes, taking one last sip of her beer before ordering another round of shots and beers for the two of them. Normally, Olivia was strictly a wine drinker. When it came to wanting a fun, relaxing night out though she allowed herself to act like the twenty-six year old that she is and drink like the party girl she never really got to be.
"Mmmhm, whatever you say. But seriously, what's he like? How is work?"
"It's great, he's great. I mean, him and I get along really well and we work well together. He actually took some of my work from me today so that I wouldn't have to cancel tonight. He seems like a good person and I'm learning a lot." The alcohol in her system was not helping her in hiding her feelings as she talked about him, she knew Abby could see right through every word she was saying but hoped that her best friend would ignore it, just this once.
"Did you ever figure out why Jake hates him so much? I mean, you obviously haven't seen anything repulsive in him."
Olivia sighed as the bartender handed over their next round of drinks. She picked up her tequila and nodded towards Abby, cheersing before downing it in one quick swallow. "I really don't want to talk about Jake tonight. I haven't even talked to him in a week, when I call he's too busy to talk and then I never get a call back. I don't want to talk about him tonight." She let out a sigh and shook her head before taking another drink. She plastered a smile back on her face, forcing herself to enjoy her evening.
Conversation went by for another hour, both ladies drinking far more than they should have but enjoying the way the alcohol loosened them up when they finally made their way to the dancefloor. After twenty minutes of non-stop moving in a crowd of hot, sweaty strangers they decided to push their way back to the bar. After drinking a glass of water each, they decided it was time for more shots.
They were standing at the bar, laughing as they waited for their drinks when a shiver ran down her body and a familiar baritone voice hit her ear. "I thought you weren't going to get into any trouble tonight."
She quickly turned around, shocked to see Fitz standing in front of her. He was wearing a black, short sleeve button down that clung tightly to his arms and chest paired with a sculpted pair of dark blue jeans. His smell was intoxicating, enough to drown out the smell of alcohol around her. Instinctively, she bit her bottom lip as her eyes roamed over him. She was pulled out of her trance by the sound of Abby clearing her throat behind her.
"Fitz, what are you doing here? You're not stalking me, are you?" She raised her eyebrows, half serious, half joking. She had told him she was going out tonight, but there was no way he would know where she was going and she couldn't imagine that he was the type to follow her.
"No, no I am definitely not stalking you. Scouts honor," he said as he held his hands up defensively. When he decided to meet Stephen for a drink at this particular bar, he didn't even consider the possibility that this was a place she still frequented. He figured it wasn't too far away from home, and if Olivia did end up needing something later he would call his driver to come get him. Running into her was a coincidence, and he would have found it amusing if he hadn't drunk so much. How was he supposed to control himself around Olivia when his inhibitions were so limited, he especially had to behave with her best friend hanging around.
"A friend from college is in town, he invited me out for drinks and I just couldn't say no. This was all his recommendation, I swear." He has to yell into her ear in order for her to hear a word he is saying and the proximity is driving her completely mad. He has completely invaded her personal space, his shoulder nearly touching her chin. His hot breath against her ear sent a warmth through her entire body and she had to force herself not to visibly shiver under him.
"Fine, I believe you. But I thought you were going to help me if I got into trouble. Kind of hard to do that when you're drunk, don't you think?"
"My driver is on standby, don't worry Ms. Pope, I would still make sure you were well taken care of." He shoots her an all too devilish smirk, confirming Olivia that his words had far more than only one meaning. "You know, it is kind of funny that we ran into each other here, again." The alcohol was talking, not him. He promised himself that he wouldn't be the person to tell this story, at least not now.
Olivia wasn't sure if she heard him right, she could see how it might be funny that they ran into each other, but given that this is the first time it happened she was having a hard time following him. She leaned into him, reaching up to his ear. "What? What do you mean by 'again'?" This was his chance, he could back out. He could backtrack and do the right thing, that's what he would have done four shots earlier.
"This is where we first met. Five years and two months ago we met right here in this very spot."
Her eyes went wide, she didn't remember him. Five years and two months ago this is where she met Jake. Was she just that drunk? Was Fitz even here or was she hallucinating? Nothing he just said made sense and just like that the room around her started spinning.
"I need some air."