Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Parcheesi or Clue. Also, when people are communicating telepathically, I have denoted it by using hyphens on either side rather than quotation marks. Good luck.
Part 3: Mission Improbable
Never a dull momen' round here. Dat's fo' sure. C'est la vie. But despite de impossible missions an' ridiculous odds, dere's always an upside ta everything. Fo' instance, I didn' feel like going on a mission jus' den. I had already saved de day jus' a few minutes ago, and now I had ta go an' do it a'gin. But dere was a reward fo' my perserverance. Turned out ta be de first time I saw de X-femmes in d'ere skin tight, black leather uniforms. Stormy walked out, and my eyes got big. Betsy walked out, an' my jaw dropped. Rogue walked out, an' I started droolin'. Jean Gray walked out, an' I got hit upside de head wit' a telekinetic'lly guided gym bag. I love Jeannie. She was my fav'rite dat day. After dat experience, I was ready fo' a cigarette. But dat wasn' in de cards, I guess. Cyke started talkin', instead.
"All right people, we've got a report of a mutant being held captive in a remote location somewhere in South Dakota." Where else? Why does it always have ta be a remote location?
"We suspect there are several others being held there as well, but we don't have concrete data on that. Aerial survey shows a relatively small compound…"
"Relative ta what?" I said.
"Other compounds, of course." Bobby grinned. Storm shot him a look. Cyclops ignored the entire exchange.
"We're estimating man power to be somewhere over a hundred, which isn't too bad for a recovery mission, but the difficult part is going to be technological security."
"Ah'm assumin' you've already got a plan?" Rogue said. Scott opened his mouth to respond, but got cut off by Bishop.
"Are you sure you wanna send her out on this? A little high profile, don't you think?"
"What in tarnation is that supposed ta mean?" She challenged.
"It means I'm not entirely comfortable with you watching my back, given past history, and this mission gives you way too many opportunities to slip up, if you're going to."
"Well ah ain't gonna. An' if you think foah one minute that ah'm gonna put up with…"
Dang, she sho' ain't da social butterfly around here. Jus' runs from one mess to da uddah. Scott piped up den.
"Look, I don't really like the sound of this mission. It leaves one too many questions answered vaguely, and if I'm going to send a team out based on that, I'd rather overcompensate than end up short handed. We need as many people as we can possibly get, so Rogue goes."
"Yeah Bishop, lay off. I would think you of all people could appreciate a chick that operates like a living plasma cannon." Bobby quipped. Bishop didn' look amused. I wondered if all de missions started out on such a cheerful note wit' d'ese people.
"Any word from Logan?" Storm asked, tactfully changin' de subject.
"None yet. We could use him, too, but you know how he is about being on the blitz." Jean answered her, as though she was de authority on de subject. Scott looked at her strangely. Well, I guess it was a strange look. Can' really tell wit' dat t'ingy he wears over de top half of his face. Much as I hate ta digress, d'ere's somet'in I've always wondered 'bout Cyke's fashion sense. He's got a decent lookin' pair of red sunglasses dat mostly pass fo' normal. Den he's got dis really ugly visor t'ing dat looks like it came out of "Geeks Unlimited Catalog". Why would you ever wear dat t'ing, if you had an option? Was d'ere no way known ta man…or in dis case, Hank, ta put de blast control on de sunglasses too? It jus' bothers me. Has fo' years. But not somet'in I can exactly ask, either. Anyway…
"Who's Logan?" I asked. I guess dose are de magic words fo' makin' him appear.
"That would be me." Ev'rybody else turned ta look at de figure in de doorway. I turned ta look wit' utter jealousy at de smoke trailin' from da end o' his cigar.
"Logan!" Rogue said, a lil too excitedly, if ya ask me. I still wasn' after her, necessarily. As a matter of fact, I t'ought t'ings were going fairly well wit' me an' Betsy. But dat didn' change de fact dat I still felt tempted ta pout. She ran over d'ere, but what shoulda been a hug was jus' her puttin' her hands on his shoulders at arms length. He smiled at her.
"Hey darlin'. Did I miss anything?" Darlin'? Her name wasn' "darlin'". Her name was "chere".
"Scott was just givin' us the rundown."
"Then the answer is no, I didn't." He looked around the room. "Where's Hank?"
"He's in Ohio, giving a lecture." Storm answered. "Good to have you back. Sometimes you have impeccable timing."
"I do what I can." He took a long puff on dat cigar I mentioned, and den his eyes fell on me.
"Who're you?"
"Well since you asked so nic'ly, my name is Gambit." He looked over ta Scott.
"He comin' with us?" Scott nodded.
"Got a problem wit' dat, homme?"
"If I did, you'd know by now, runt."
"Come on now, boys, ain't no reason ta get snappy. Play nice, Logan. Remy, you'll have ta get used ta Wolvie here." Rogue was lookin' back an' forth between the two of us, smilin' apologetically at bot' parties. An' she was still wearin' de skin tight uniform. I got distracted, so I didn' say anyt'ing. Logan was watchin' me though.
"He a friend o' yers, darlin'?"
"Sorta."
"Then that's good enough fer me. Are we gonna get this show on the road, or are we settlin' in fer a nice round of Parcheesi?"
Scott sighed an' shook his head. De unendin' joys o' leadin' de X-men.
"Ok, we need to get the security systems off, so Gambit, Psylocke, you need to get into the control room without being noticed."
"Dat's my specialty." I said, grinnin' at Psylocke. De femme rolled her eyes, but she smiled. Definite progress.
"Once you get the systems under control, you're gonna be monitoring us and giving us a heads up if necessary. We need a distraction, something to draw the manpower out so the inside crew can slip in. Considering that there may be possible discrepancies in my numbers, I'd prefer if we have two. Colossus and Bishop, I want you on the south side. Logan, with me on the west. Bobby and Storm, you're going to give us air support. There's a lot of radio waves surrounding the place to defer most forms of radar, so our communicators may be out. For that reason, and because it's impractical for us to be shouting into them when we've got people on stealth missions, Jean, I want you in reserve, and while you're there, you're going to keep us all in contact, and help us navigate." I felt like I ought ta salute or somet'ing. Dis was a far cry from da mechanics teacher he had been earlier dis afternoon.
"What am ah supposed ta do?" Rogue asked.
"You're going to be the inside crew. Once we've got security control, I want you in on the north side, and then Jean will guide you through. Gambit and Psylocke should be on monitor, but you're probably going to meet some opposition. Still, you've got the speed and the strength factor to get through there, and find our guy."
"All right, then ah guess mah next question is what exactly am ah lookin' foah?"
"His name is Kurt Wagner. We couldn't find much information on him, save he's originally from Germany, and he's a teleporter."
"Why doesn' he just get himself outta d'ere?"
"Could be incapacitated, could be controlled, we're not exactly sure. Any other questions?"
"If I'm not in class tomorrow, does that count as an excused absence? Or is it still cutting?"
"BOBBY!"
"Hey, I thought that was a fairly legitimate question."
"Any other questions?"
Colossus piped up, finally. "What happens if something does wrong? As it tends to do?"
"Let's just discuss that then rather than jinx ourselves. Any OTHER questions?"
"Can we get matching purses to go along with the rest of our ensemble when this mission is over?"
"I'll take that as a no, Psylocke. Ok, let's board up. Bobby, for the thousandth time, may I remind you that we use CODE NAMES ONLY in the field."
"Well then what am I supposed to call Jean?"
"Smart aleck." Jean replied.
"Again, I pose a legitimate question, and again, receive no answer. There is a conspiracy here!"
"Oh SHUT UP Bobby." Logan threw over his shoulder as he walked towards the jet.
"That's Iceman to you, Sparky."
"One of these days, kid….." he muttered.
"ALL RIGHT. Just get on the plane! For crying out loud!" Seems our fearless leader was already gettin' exasperated.
"Whatever you say, mon capitan!"
Took us a couple o' hours ta get dere. I opted ta sit wit' Betsy, an much as she put on like I was some kind of nuisance, she was startin' ta loosen up a bit. Rogue didn' say anyt'ing. She jus' sat wit' Logan, and dey talked all de way dere. She seemed ta relax a lot now dat he was around. I couldn' decide whether I liked dat or not. But I guess de seatin' positions ain't 'xactly interestin', so we'll move on.
We landed smack in de middle o' nowhere. Nothin' but trees fo' miles around. I couldn' help but t'ink dat dis was secretly just a cover fo' a bad remake o' "Swiss Family Robinson".
It started out jus' as we planned. It always does, doesn' it? Me an Betsy walked up to da wire fence dat had a big welcome sign on it dat read, "DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE. KEEP OUT!" I clucked ta myself an' shook my head. We walked around till we found da gate entrance. D'ere was a keypad d'ere, obviously fo' some kind of code input, an' a card scanner. Medieval at best. Dey obviously had no idea who dey were dealin' wit'. Underneath was de cover, so I took de screws out an' handed it to Betsy. Den it was jus' a couple o' minutes, playin' a lil wit' de wiring, before we got de green light an de gate opened. Amateurs. We walked in, wary o' any uddah presence, but as Cyclops predicted, night staff was minimal. We got in de buildin' wit' no incident.
-All right, Jeannie, where to?-
-There should be a long corridor on your left about 100ft. down the hall. And just "Jean" will do nicely, Gambit.-
-You people sho' are sticklers fo' detail.-
-Focus, please.-
-Course.-
We followed the directions dat far.
-We're in.-
-Third door on the right should be a staircase, you need to get to the fourth floor, and then the door across from you will be security clearance only. You need to get in there.-
-I's as good as done.-
Door on de right, stairs, good, fourth floor, check, and den security clearance door. Where is de security clearance door? Dis ain't funny.
-Well, two outta three ain't bad, dat I'll give you, chere, but in dis instance….-
-Gambit, it's JEAN for crying out loud, and what's the problem?-
-There's no door here. Jus' a wall starin' back at me.-
-Lemme double check….the blue prints say it's a door.-
-Well tell de blueprints dat Gambit is standin' right here, an' it ain't.-
-Hold on a second guys.- Psylocke's voice went through my head. Den I heard it too. Footsteps comin' round de corner. I grabbed Psylocke's arm and we went back into de staircase, an' watched out de window. Two guys in lab coats walked down de hall and stopped right in front of de wall. He had what I'm guessin' is a communicator on de lapel of his jacket, an' pushed a button on it.
"Jones, Collins, your shift is up. Requesting clearance for Sector 13 C." Dere was a response, but dere was too much static fo' me to hear. Next t'ing dat happened, de wall jus' opened up. Dis was a golden opportunity. I looked at Psylocke, an' she nodded. We flew outta dere and it was over fo' it ever began. I don' t'ink dey knew what hit dem. De bottom of my palm connected sharply ta de back of my man's skull, an' he was out cold. De uddah got better acquainted wit' Psylocke's boot before she brought her head down sharply 'gainst his an' dat was de quittin' time fo' him. Almos' disappointing. We pulled dem through the door, an' we were in.
-What the hell's going on?-
-Had some business to take care of, Jean. Sorry. But you were right about the door. However, it seems that all security clearance areas are going to be hidden, visually anyway. You have to communicate directly with the control center to open the doors. We were lucky that time, and it shouldn't be a problem once we get in there, but if we have any more on the way life it going to be difficult.- Psylocke clarified to Jean.
-Maybe not.- I t'ought to dem, an' picked up one o' de communicators.
-I doubt that will work, we would need the code name for the areas, and no Cajun accent.- Psylocke thought ta me.
-I's worth a shot. Let me work on de one, you work on de uddah. Where to, Jean?-
-Second on the left, security clearance, that should be it.-
Well dat was funny cause dere were no doors anywhere in dis hallway. Hmmm…if I were gonna put doors in dis hallway, where would I put de second one on de left? We stood where we thought we should be, and den Psylocke started puzzling over how ta override de system with no visible seams. I focused on lettin' de accent slip away, an makin' my voice as much like de one I had heard earlier as I could. I pushed de button on de communicator.
"All right Jones, we're here."
"Come on Richards, what area?"
"Second to the right and straight on till morning. I haven't had any coffee yet, cut me a break and let me in, huh?"
"You've gotta start using the codes, man."
An' magically, the door opened. We lunged in, an' took care of de aforementioned Jones an' Collins wit' almos' no effort. Psylocke turned an' smiled at me.
"Nice one, Gambit." I jus' winked at her in response. We took our seats and startin' hackin' the system wit' ease. If I had a nickel fo' ev'ry time I've hacked a security system….actually, I usually end up wit' more dan dat, but let's not get off subject.
-All right team, we're in. I put out.-
-Wolverine and I are in position. Colossus, Bishop? What's your status? Cyclops voice rang out militantly.-
-All geared up and bored as hell.-
-Storm, Iceman?-
-Oh the weather outside is frightful…-
-ICEMAN!-
-Let it snow, Cyclops. Just let it snow.-
-Nevermind. Psylocke, Gambit, turn the fence off and get us on the grounds.-
-Jus' point an' click…..you got it, Cyclops.-
-Rogue, you don't move until I give the word.-
-Wouldn' dream of it, sugah.-
-All right, Colossus, Bishop, you're on go.-
I got ta watch it all come together on de screens in de control room. It was beautiful. Bishop opened fire about 15 seconds later, makin' some nice craters in de concrete. I got to find dat man's rifle dealer. Didn' take de security guards long to get out d'ere after dat. Bishop seemed to be in an out o' de shadows, so dey aimed at Colossus, who's metallic self was shinin' like silver in de moonlight. As you can imagine, dat didn' do much good. Bounced offa him like raindrops. Dey charged in after him, but Colossus didn' seem too bothered. Actually, it looked like he was t'inkin' dey were dere fo' flyin' lessons. Bishop finally came out, and got hit a few times, but he jus' took all dat energy an' threw it back wit' a smile. What goes around comes around, I guess.
-Wolverine and I are going. Bobby, Storm, wait for my signal.-
An' den we watched dem emerge from de shadows. Dey had ta actually dodge de bullets, but dey did a nice job of it. Wolverine started lookin' scarier and scarier as he tore through anyone close enough wit' all de fury of a rabid…..well…wolverine. Cyclops blasted away with red beams. Dey were holdin' off pretty well till Wolverine got hit wit' somet'in special. Looks like dey were breakin' out de big guns. He just howled an' collapsed, an' smoke started risin' from him.
-WOLVERINE!- Scott ran over to him, keepin' de crowds off as best he could wit' de blasts.
-STORM, ICEMAN, NOW!- Thunder in de distance. Wolverine got up.
-Wolverine? Are you ok?- Jean t'ought out to him.
-Ow.- Was the response.
-What's goin' on?-
About dat time, Scott went down on hands an knees, grindin' his teeth. He got back up about 5 seconds later.
-SCOTT! Are you ok!?-
-I'm ok. They're hitting us with some kind of electric current. It feels like a ranged taser. It's not fatal, but it hurts like hell. Wolverine, Colossus, you need keep moving.-
-Why just us?- Colossus came back.
-Because we're free roamin' lightning rods, kid. And you don't have a regeneration factor.-
-Oh.-
-Storm, give us some cover, will ya? Lots of it.-
-That's going to make it very hard for Iceman and I to keep you covered from up here.-
-I'll just keep you posted. We've got too many ranged weapons out here, and besides, that'll give Rogue a little advantage.-
-As you wish, Cyclops.-
-As de fog started rollin' in, I turned to Psylocke.-
"You know, it's too bad we don' have any popcorn or anyt'ing."
"Can you be serious for just a second?"
"Why, you got a confession ta make?"
She turned back to the screen, but she chuckled.
-Rogue, get in there!- Cyclops called.
-Gambit, Psylocke, ah'm on the north side. Can y'all let me in the gate, please?-
-Even under stress, de femme has manners, non? Come on in, chere.- Rogue showed up on de screen, flyin' jus' above de ground. Jus' den an icicle flew past her head, an' she turned around in fightin' stance.
-Sorry! I didn't see who you were!-
-Dangit Bobby! You scared the bejeezus outta me!-
Y-ou better get in there fast, we're moving that way!-
She flew jus' as fast as she could. Turns out dat's pretty fast.
-Jean?-
-I'm on it. You need to get down to the basement. The nearest staircase is on the other side of the building. Just follow the hallway around, you should turn right twice and then it'll be first door on your left.-
She started dat way.
-Hold on, you've got three guards coming your way. Probably trying to get outside. See if you can hide somewhere long enough for them to pass.- Psylocke warned. Rogue just rose straight up into the air, wit' her back agains' de ceiling. Dey ran right under her, but de third one didn't quite make it. She brought bot' fists down on either side of his neck wit' as much force as she could muster. He collapsed, an' de uddah's turned around. She swung herself upright, an den pulled one fist back an' let it go, slammin' it straight into de one's face, an' even on de monitor we heard de crunch of his nose breakin' as he flew back down de hall. When he landed, he didn' move none. De last one fell victim to a roundhouse kick, but he was a lil' quicker an' caught her foot. She did what looked like a no-handed cartwheel an' slammed his whole body straight into da floor.
-Dat was pretty.- She blew a kiss to the camera.
-You could've just let them pass you know.- Psylocke admonished.
-Ah thought ah'd save the other's some trouble, while the opportunity presented itself.-
She flew on down de hallway, until she came to the door dat Jean had told her she needed ta get into. She went in cautiously, and den down de stairs. At de bottom, de whole floor was open jus' like some kinda warehouse, wit' cubicles dat looked like dey was jus' normal offices.
-Ah thought ah was supposed to get to the holdin' cells.-
-The blueprints indicate that the holding cells were on the bottom floor.-
-Well we already had an argument wit' dose very same blueprints earlier.-
-But they were right, if you'll remember, Gambit. Rogue, look around, see if you can find anything.-
We watched her fly around, but dere was nothin' ta see.
-All right, everyone hold on a second.- Psylocke said as she started in on her keyboard.
-Rogue, what's your status in there?- Cyclops' asked out of de blue.
-Not sure at the moment. Ah seem ta be lost.-
-We don't have time for you to be lost. Jean, where is she?-
-I don't know Scott, the blueprints are obviously a bit ommitant.-
-We're getting creamed out here! They've got every kind of explosive I can think of, and we've got no air cover because the fog is the only hiding place! We've apparently traded off team members, without authorization, cause Logan and Bishop got blood frenzied, and Colossus and I- -
-Whoa, chere, you got ta watch out! You got company!- She turned just in time so dat de bullet hit her shoulder instead o' de back of her head. She cried out and clutched the wound, and de blood ran over her gloves. She flew around, dodgin' de oncomin' fire.
-Rogue!-
-It's all right, Gambit, it's just grazed, most likely. It's just bleedin' some. However, ah'd really like to know where this is comin' from?-
-WOLVERINE'S DOWN!- Bishop shouted.
-What do you mean he's down?! Where are you?!- Cyclops answered.
-He got blasted back into the fence, you know, the one marked 1000 friggen volts?-
-That's supposed to be off! Gambit! Psylocke!-
Jus' den, a siren went off. "SECURITY ALERT. SECURITY ALERT. SECTORS 9, 13, 5….
-What the hell is- GAAAAAAH!- Cyclops cried out in agony.
-What was that??- Jean cried out.
-He just took a bullet to the leg! They're suddenly flyin' straight at us though, like they can see us!- Colossus sounded a lil frantic.
-I'm ok! Gambit, Psylocke!-
-I'm goin' I'm goin'! You people are stressin' me out like you wouldn' believe!-
-Ah'm dead! Oh gawd oh gawd ah'm dead!-
-Chere!-
-Who here is not dead right now?!- Psylocke screamed in frusteration.
-Ah've been shot in the head!-
-How are you still talking then?-
-Ah don't know! Help me!-
Try to put yo'self in my situation. I was always a lone gunman, so ta speak, so if somet'ing went wrong, it was cause I slipped up. Now I got all dese people runnin' around screwin' up an' dey all screamin' at me, "Save us, Gambit! Save us!" It's kinda funny in retrospect….actually, no, it ain't.
Fin'ly, I found what I was lookin' fo. -De security systems are back on!-
-We realize this!-
-Gimme a second, fo' pity's sake! I cain't work like dis wit' you people!-
-GAMBIT!-
-Ok, de systems shut down program from de control room is only temporary. Dey got heat sensor artillery on in all security breached areas, dat's what's gettin' you all. De only way to shut it down permanently is manual. We c'n shut it off ag'in, but it's gonna blink on and off ev'ry twenty minutes.-
-Well then shut it off LeBeau! Before I have to bring Wolverine home in a JAR!-
-Done! De fire stopped. Whew.-
-Ah'm still bein' shot at!-
I looked back at de monitor screen. Rogue was flyin' round, frantically, an' blood was running down de left side o' her face.
-An ah still don't know where ah'm supposed to be goin!-
-Bobby, Storm, keep these boys busy! Colossus and I are coming in, Rogue! Bishop, what the status of Wolverine?-
-Well I got him off the fence. He's still looking a little crispy.-
-Watch it bub.-
-He'll be fine, just give us a minute.-
-All right, you two wait for him to recover, and then get in here.-
-Rogue!- Psylocke finally called triumphantly.
-WHAT??-
-I found the map! Do you see the pictures hanging on the wall?-
-Yeah, ah see them.-
-There should be one with an iris on it…-
-THERE'S LIKE 50 PICTURES IN HERE! How am ah supposed to find the one with the iris on it? What is this, Clue?-
-That's what you've gotta do! Now do it!-
-All RIGHT! After what seemed like forever, she finally found it.-
-Take it down!-
-It's latched to the wall or somethin'! It looks like there's some kind of electronic key.-
-Ok, just let me look through the system and see if there's anything…-
She was interrupted by Rogue rippin' a huge whole in de wall, instead.
-How neanderthol of you.-
-So what? Ah've got a button here. Ah'm still bein' shot at!-
-What does it look like?? Push the button!-
She did, an the shootin' stopped.
-Thanks, Psylocke.-
-Anytime. There were murder holes in the ceiling. You just closed them. But you're going to have a whole lot of angry security guards after you in a second, so you need to move along. The holding cells are on the bottom level, but you aren't there yet. There's two sub-levels. So you need to go to the far end of the room, and stand about 15 ft. from the left, while I try to figure out which security door it is.-
She followed the directions to a "T", except fo' one quick stop ta grab some tissues. She waited where Psylocke had told her to, dabbin' at her face.
-So you've got all the directions now, Psylocke?- Jean asked.
-Yeah, I've pretty much got the whole place mapped out.-
-Good, then you take over directions and our currently telepathic communications. I'm going in for backup, now that we're playing by ear. Gambit, since she's got it nailed down, I want you to get down and help Rogue, pronto. The rest are moving too slow, and she's about to have a real problem if those guards get to her.-
-I jus' have one question, Jean.-
-What?-
-What do you people do in a relatively LARGE compound?-
-Not ask stupid questions at a time like this. Bobby, I'll need you to cover me. Get ready for communications to shut down, temporarily.-
Pfft. No mo' voices in my tired lil' head. It's kinda weird, havin' ten different voices in dere. Like one doesn' get irritatin' enough, sometime. Didn' take long fo' Betsy to have everyt'ing up an runnin' a'gin though.
-Check in, everybody?-
-Cyclops, reading loud and clear.-
-Bishop, 5 by 5.-
-Wolverine here.-
-Colossus.-
-The ICEMAN! Still alive and unscathed! Boo-ya!-
-Jean Gray, still perfectly capable of tossing a semi at Iceman.-
-Rogue, and when you've got a second, ah really need ta talk to ya.-
-Gambit, tryin' ta get ta you, chere.-
-…….Storm?- Cyclops asked.
-Oh yeah, almost forgot. Hold on….hey Storm?-
-Yes?-
-Ok, just checking. Rogue, where are you? I don't have visual on you any more. Must be a separate monitoring facility somewhere.-
-Ah'm not exactly sure. The wall opened up, an' ah went through, but ah don't much like what ah'm seein' down here…-