Ok folks, this chapter is a bit longer than the other ones, but a bit less romance packed.

Those of you who've read this whole thing, I could particularly use advice as to continuity and believability. Basically, are the characters and events jumping to conclusions a little too easily? Romance scenes more cheesy and less breathless than you'd like? I'd love some constructive criticism. See it's tricky because I want the story and relationships to flow naturally, but I've never actually experienced romance or intensity in my personal life without feeling kind of awkward. I'm trying to find out if the awkwardness here is me projecting my experiences onto what I write, or if what I write is just plain awkward. I know it's a fanfiction about mutants, but I'd like to try to make this as believable as I can.

By the way, I don't know how many Twilight fans are out there reading this (woot to you) but Rob Pattinson expressed some interest in playing Gambit in X4 (which as always may actually happen sometime in the future). Yes please. We'll just have to reserve judgment until we see what Taylor does in Wolverine: Origins.

Part 16: Specks and Logs

It was too easy. Dangit ah let him walk right in and get to me easy as pie.

Ah don't know if this happens to all girls or just me, but it seems like you build and build the defenses you put around your heart and soul until yoah shoah you've closed yourself off forever in an impenetrable fortress. Then, magically, at the first sign of breach those walls turn out to be made entirely of honeysuckles.

What was ah thinkin'? Grabbin' Remy like that. Agreein' to trust him, let him try. What good was that gonna do anybody?

And what in all God's green goodness was ah gonna say to him today? Ah mean what had ah agreed to? Was he like…mah boyfriend? That seemed so…not…right…somehow. A boyfriend was somethin' you had in 9th grade. Describing Remy as a "boyfriend" seemed perfectly ludicrous.

These were the thoughts that flew around mah head as the minutes ticked by on mah digital alarm clock. Ah kept tryin' to think of a solution that involved me never leavin' this room again, but ah couldn't come up with a good one.

Stupid stupid stupid. No one had ever pushed back when ah pushed them away. Ah pushed Remy hard, and somehow he'd stormed back in a grabbed me like he didn't even know Ah could kill him by twitchin' wrong. Doesn't he think? Ever??

What had seemed so pure and sincere the night befoah made mah stomach turn this mornin'. "Only you can make me feel like dis"…how many girls did ah suppose he'd used that one on? And there ah sat, eatin' out of his hand like a poor puppy. Ah could feel the heat risin' to mah face just thinkin' about it. Ah sure had made a fair mess of things.

Ah was just gonna hafta set him straight, simple as that. Ah'd track him down and somehow maintain enough dignity to tell him that all this was going to stop.

Problem was ah had to mean it.

On the one hand, ah was convinced that everything he'd said and done last night had been a total rouse. Ah was just another game, and he intended to win. That kinda mind set would make this easy foah me.

On the other hand, the memory of his eyes glowin' down at me, his arms around me, his scent washin' over me had mah knees shakin' and mah breath ragged.

What was the dang matter with me?

Ok, ah just wouldn't think about it. Ah'd stick with the embarrassment and indignation angle. That way ah could march right up and say what had to be said. Ah squared off mah shoulders and went to face this ridiculous day.

Unfortunately ah couldn't find Remy anywhere. Chances were he was sleepin' in, but no way was ah goin' into his room. This conversation would be had on mah turf. He had enough advantages as it was. Between that smile, the scent, that way of catchin' yoah eye that made you unable to remember what you were about to say…

Stop! Enough of that! In the meantime ah had to go teach mah study hall class, so ah was just gonna focus on that.

"Rogue, are you well?" Piotr's voice rang out freshly as soon as ah entered the room. Mornin' people.

Ah tried to make mah voice less stony when I replied bluntly, "Ah'm fine, Pete."

"Geez are you sure? Your face is like, all red." Kitty jumped in, eager to be in any conversation with Piotr involved. Well, maybe that wasn't altogether fair. We were kinda friends now and maybe she was just worried, but ah wasn't feelin' too magnanimous today.

"Of course Ah'm shoah Why wouldn't ah be?"

"Well gosh I didn't mean anything by it." Kitty raised her hands defensively.

Ah closed my eyes foah a second to regain mah composure. "Its fine, let's just get to work, ok? Piotr, ah already got yoah books on post-modernism on the front table, so you better get to studyin' foah that art history test. Kitty, here's the book title you need foah child psychology, go grab that. Anyone else need any help feel free to shout. Now Jubes you want to start with the SAT or ACT?"

Pretty soon ah was back into rhythm. Xavier and Jean pounded me hard about college after ah graduated, but ah just wasn't ready to make a decision. Ah liked the academic stuff and ah usually got good grades, but ah'd had about all ah could handle of the social experience. The compromise we made was foah me to take on some adjunct faculty roles, the most important of which was mah study hall class. Ah wasn't too happy about it at first, but after a few weeks ah'd really gotten to like it. Ah'd learned a lot about the students that used to be mah classmates, and ah felt like ah was doin' somethin' that they really appreciated. Turns out ah'm pretty good at explainin' things, and have a decent memory when its not bein' trampled by mah other personalities.

Ah also served as teacher assistant and intermittently graded papers, did plagiarism checks, handled various paperwork, and acted as substitute foah the older X-men. Ah knew darn well that this whole scheme was another of the professor's attempts to integrate me into the team. Ah'd just been surprised when it had kinda worked. Ah definitely wasn't in the core, but at least ah was kinda in the circle now, so long as ah kept up with the grunt work. Pay mah dues and all that.

As far as mah students went, Piotr was fast becomin' a favorite. He was the oldest, basically attending classes here to become more familiar with the culture, but also because he was so curious about everything. He was quiet, but nothing escaped him. Today he was havin' some trouble understandin' how post-modernism was still art.

Ah tried takin' the objective route. "Oh, these images are meant to appeal to the subconscious, not the conscious mind. So even though you might not recognize the image, it should still appeal to your emotions on a more basic level."

"But it can be interpreted differently by everyone. White in America means 'pure', but in Japan is means 'death'. To me personally it means 'snow'. If the piece is meant to be completely subjective, then it can't be criticized. If it can't be criticized, its value cannot be determined. This has no value."

"Well to be honest Pete it isn't exactly mah cup of tea either, but that's opinion. You need to understand what other people see in it."

"How can anyone see anything in all this…how you say…gobbler?"

Ah tried not to but ah couldn't help but laugh at his attempt at southern colloquialism. "Gobbledygook?"

"Da. That."

"You find that answer let me know, sugah."

"Now Rembrandt, he knew what was art! His use of light and dark could take the ordinary…"

He went on one of his tangents. Normally ah love to hear a man talk about art intelligently, but mah mind kept dying foah an excuse to wander off, and this was a perfect one.

Light and dark. Turnin' the lights on and findin' Remy there. His hair twisted around mah fingers. His low moan as he melted into me. "I wan' you." He'd said. What would it have been like, if ah hadn't had to stop? What would his skin have felt like? What would it be like to have his panting lips against mine?

Suddenly ah became aware of mah name.

"Rogue? Hello? Are you all right?"

Ah started and mah eyes wandered up displaced to a confused and concerned Russian face.

"Ah'm so sorry Piotr…what were you sayin'?"

"I do not wish to make you angry again with this question, but are you well? Your face…"

Piotr didn't know a polite way to finish that sentence, so he just trailed off. "You know what? Ah'm not feelin' so well. Think everyone will be ok if ah check out early?"

"I think we can manage. I can help with the finding of books. Go and feel better, Rogue."

"Thanks sugah. Yoah a life saver."

"You have helped me always. I can help also."

Ah smiled and then left them to their own devices. This had to be taken care of. Now. No distractions.

Ah stormed up to Remy's room. To heck with it, ah'll take it on any turf. Unfortunately foah me, he wasn't there either. Where did he go? Sometimes he can be so hard to get hold of, like some kind of Cajun ninja.

Ah checked the kitchen, the danger room, the tv room. He was nowhere to be found and no one had seen him. What did that mean? Did he change his mind? Was he in trouble? Ooh! Ah was absolutely NOT gonna worry about him.

But in the meantime Ah couldn't help but be antsy. When ah get a bee in mah bonnet ah gotta get it out or ah can never rest. Ah tried to grade papers foah 'Ro, but after starin' at one essay foah a full thirty minutes and not even getting' through the first paragraph, ah had to beg out of that too. Ah went down to the garage, thinkin' maybe if ah kept mah hands busy mah mind would follow. Scott was there tunin' up the jeep, and was kind enough to let me help. He'd discovered ah'm fairly handy with tools and mechanics, and normally this was the one activity we used to bond. But after ah dropped his wrench foah the third time he suggested that ah go grab some lunch and let him do some "reconfiguring". So ah decided to run to the kitchen and grab some food, but when I got in the elevator ah pushed the wrong dang button. Ah was totally useless!

Rather than explode with frustration, ah opted to go run a course in the danger room. When ah got there ah found it occupied. Normally ah leave each to their own, but today ah had to blow off some steam. Ah pressed the intercom button.

"Hey Logan, you mind a little company in there?"

It took him a few seconds to answer, seein' as he was mid-pulverize on an innocent, unsuspecting robot, but finally he said, "No problem, but if yer comin' in turn it up a notch."

Ah did as he asked and then put a 30 second delay on the course so ah could get in there.

"Hey kid. You takin' high or low?"

"Ah'll go with high foah starters. Ah could use a warm up."

"Fair enough."

The scenario was a good one. We were evacuatin' mutants from riots and aggression in Atlanta. The rest of the team were presumably acting as herders, while Logan and ah protected the bus that was their ticket out as long as we could. The idea was to beat your previous time, but the course was non-repeating and enemies were randomly generated each run, so it wasn't like you could memorize it. The city setting gave us a multi-tiered line of aggression to ward against. Ah liked this mission because it reminds you of why yoah doin' this whole X-men thing.

The buzzer came on, lettin' us know the course had begun. The danger room melted away and "presto chango" we were in Atlanta. Ah had one eye on the windows, and one eye on Logan.

"So what are ya fightin' today kid?" Logan asked as he whipped around and sliced three digital aggressors in halves and then quarters.

"Well ah'm feelin' a little antsy if you must know, and ah thought this would be a good way to blow off some steam. By the way you know we're supposed to avoid killin' anybody."

"I'm not. I'm killin' robots and holograms. Getting a little healthy aggression out of my system so I can be a regular boy scout on the field."

"Yeah? Well then ah guess the question is: what are you fightin' today, Logan?" Ah yanked a bad guy out of the window he'd been usin' as a sniper base and gave him a nice chop to the shoulder to knock him out cold befoah droppin' him.

"Chuck found some old records."

"About you? That's a good thing isn't it?"

"Neither here nor there in this case."

"You wanna talk?"

"When have I ever wanted to talk?"

"There's a first time foah everything. Maybe one day the planets will align just right."

"I don't believe in that hippie crap. Up."

As per his cordial request, Ah snatched Logan up and tossed him claws first at the first of the armored vehicles. Then ah used mah own variations of "the windmill" to clean up the handful between Logan's truck and our bus befoah headin' back to the high ground.

With a loud screech of metal on metal, Logan emerged from the truck a few minutes later.

"So what's got you so 'antsy' today?"

"Mah own dang self bein' stupid."

"Yer not stupid. Usually anyway."

"Gee thanks.'

"So you gonna tell me who I've gotta beat up or what?"

"You know, violence isn't always the answer."

"If that were true we wouldn't be in here shreddin' doombots."

"Logan…do you ever find your personality…inconsistent?" Ah grabbed one joker in each hand and banged them together till they quit.

"Whaddaya mean?"

"Like you keep makin' up yoah mind about somethin' and then foah some reason you find yoahself doin' the exact opposite?"

"Not really. But then I don't think like you do. I'm more of an instinctual guy, less of the intellectual type." He kicked someone in the head.

"Does that work? Just followin' yoah instincts all the time?"

"Nobody's exempt from trouble, darlin'. Door?" Ah ripped the driver's side door off the defeated truck and handed it to Logan. He proceeded to remove a row of rioters with it. "But I'm still alive. That's got to count fer somethin'."

"Well how do you know what yoah instincts are tellin' ya?"

"Words follow thoughts. Actions follow instincts."

"That is one of the most unhelpful things you've ever said." Ah grabbed a light pole and used it as a bat to get the next truck off the road.

"It's kinda hard to explain and keep in mind I have a limited vocabulary. What I mean to say is that yer instincts talk to yer body, not yer mind. Yer body decides when to eat, when to sleep, when to fight, run, all that stuff is instinct."

Crap. No way was ah gonna give my body free reign to make decisions foah me about Remy.

"Suppose yoah instincts happen to be stupid. Then what?"

"Instincts aren't wrong. They're there fer survival. They're just selfish is all. Instincts tell you what you need. Sounds to me like you could use an exercise in trustin' yerself, kid."

One of the trucks opened fire at the bus. People started screamin' inside. Ah rushed down and grabbed the bus, liftin' it into the air and carryin' it behind another buildin'. The bullets drilled against mah back. Felt like a hail storm. It stopped abruptly, and ah didn't have to look to know Logan had taken care of it.

Numbers were gettin' high though. Pretty soon one of us was gonna have to tell the bus to go and end the course.

In the meantime, we were due foah a subject change.

"So what's got you so upset about these records? Find out yoah real age or somethin'?"

"I'm 29. Don't you forget it."

Ah laughed. "Cross mah heart. So what then?"

"The records weren't about me. They were about my family."

Ah froze foah a split second and caught a baton to the head. Ah grabbed the cop by the collar and tossed him into the next county.

"Logan…that's…well that's fantastic! So where are they? Are ya gonna-,"

"Hold off kid. It's not like that. I don't know where they are, and I don't intend to find out."

Ah froze again, jaw dropped. Logan took one look at me and sighed. "Bus out." The course disintegrated. Ah made the conscious effort to close mah mouth as he stalked out of the danger room.

"Logan Ah'm sorry. Ah'm just a little surprised is all. You've been lookin' foah so long, ah thought you'd be…"

"Happy?"

"Ah guess."

"It doesn't mean anything."

"What??"

"I looked at the record. I couldn't even pronounce their names. The record is 15 years old. I don't remember anything. What am I gonna do? Go chargin' into their lives again? I don't know where they are, but I know fer certain that I'm not that guy anymore. I've got nothing of his to give them. Fer all they know, that guy is dead, and it's probably best that he stays that way."

"Oh Logan no!" Ah threw my arms out toward him, as though that would somehow protect him from these thoughts. "They're yoah family! They've probably been lookin' foah you all this time. They'll want you however you come!"

He snorted. "Yeah? Nice ideal. Is that how yer family felt about you?" It so caught me off guard that ah backed away unconsciously.

"Sorry, but lookin' around this place I've seen a lot of examples of family. A lot of pain and regret. A lot of selfishness. Parents don't wanna deal with mutant kids, no matter how good the kid is. Couples walk out on each other at the first sign of hard times. I'm not gonna do the selfish thing. I'm not gonna track my family down and disrupt their lives in hopes of remembering somethin'. As long as my memory is out, they won't mean anything to me. Some father."

He stiffened. A slip he didn't mean to make. Mah jaw dropped back down so hard ah thought it'd hit the floor. Mah voice sounded like it was underwater when ah was finally able to speak.

"You….got kids?"

"Rogue this ain't yer business and I'll thank you to keep it to yerself."

"Ah…no…of course ah won't say anything…but…Logan, you think that stayin' away is the unselfish thing to do??"

Logan's blue eyes narrowed and fell on me sharp as steel. "You got somethin' to say?"

Ah bit my bottom lip, sort of wishin' ah could stop mahself, but knowin' ah couldn't. "Ah know that part of you really believes that pushin' yoah family out of the picture is altruistic, but-,"

"But what?" He practically growled. Ah was treadin' on sensitive ground, and there was no way to tread lightly. Ah love Logan, but sometimes that temper means there's no easy way to deal with him.

"But takin' the decision away from them means yoah not even willin' to consider what they might want, or need. It means yoah too scared to confront the situation, and that fear outweighs their welfare. It doesn't make you self-sacrificin', it makes you selfish."

He charged at me. Ah was so shocked ah just stood there like an idiot as he grabbed two fistfuls of mah shirt and shoved me against the wall, pullin' mah face so close to his ah could feel the heat of his distemper.

"You callin, Rogue? Good. Cause I got a dose fer you. Don't make the mistake of applyin' yer logic to me. You don't know me all that well, you only know what I tell you. I'm not a sweet little girl with a skin condition. I'm a man with no memory who only knows blood. It's all I want and I can't always control the craving. If I decide that I don't belong in a family situation then I think I'm justified, and I don't care fer yer approval any more than yer permission. It's you that likes to attribute misery to the powers that be and call it a pity party. If only you hadn't have been a mutant, you wouldn't have had to leave home. You gave up on the situation and haven't been back since. If only yer parents had loved you more you wouldn't have teamed up with Mystique and the Brotherhood. You were 16-years-old, isn't that old enough to know the difference between right and wrong? If only Mystique hadn't been so damn persuasive you wouldn't have killed Danvers. Tell me, was she there physically holdin' yer hands in place? When you decide you want to grow up and take some responsibility fer yer own life then maybe I'll come to you for advice. Until then don't be stupid enough to analyze me. It only makes you look pathetic."

He dropped me and turned to storm out of the room. "Yoah right Logan."

He spun back around and it looked like he was exerting every shred of self-control he had not to come back over and thrash me limb from limb. "Don't you take the high road with me. I've got no stomach fer it."

Ah raised mah hands in front of me defensively, just in case. "No, it's not that. Ah don't know what its like to walk in yoah shoes. Ah was wrong to try to tell ya what you should and shouldn't do. Followin' mah own advice hasn't gotten me very far, like you said. Ah can't say what's right and wrong foah a parent to do. Ah never had any kids. But ah do know what its like to be on the other end. If ah could trade it all in and be back home with mah daddy, ah would. Even better if ah could go back far enough to have mah mama, ah'd do that too. But you can never go backwards, and that choice isn't open to me. So its very hard foah me not to take the part of yoah family, since ah don't understand yoah perspective. Ah know ah wouldn't want anyone takin' that choice from me, even if ah ended up makin' a bad one. Ah'm not tellin' ya what you should and shouldn't do…ah just wish you'd think about it from the other side befoah you get yoah mind all made up."

He clenched his fists and shook his head. "You don't listen. Its. None. Of. Yer. Business. So get out of it." He turned to leave again.

"Ah can't ah'm stubborn." He just kept walkin'. "But ah do know that if ah found out you were mah blood, ah'd be thrilled. And ah think yoah family would too."

He slammed the door. Ah slid down the wall till ah was sittin' on the floor and rubbed mah temples, which were startin' to throb from the adrenaline. Didn't take a genius to figure out that we were no longer on speakin' terms. Me and mah big mouth.

Logan had never laid a hand on me in anger befoah. He'd also never said the first hurtful word. Problem was, of the many flaws he has dishonesty isn't one of them. He had a point. Everyone could make excuses foah themselves, and somewhere along the line, maybe ah'd gotten into a bad habit of convincin' mahself that ah didn't have choices like everyone else did. It certainly made things easier, and cleared me of any wrongdoing.

Ah was 14 years old when ah left home. Mah life since then hadn't been typical, and there hadn't really been a way to prepare foah the experience. Now ah'm twenty, and its time to stop feelin' like mah life is spinnin' out of control. There are two ways ah could handle the words Logan had used to shatter my self-pride: one is the natural one. Go up to mah room and cry in the dark until ah was too tired to think about it any more, repeat as necessary. The other option was to take it to heart and see what ah could do to be better.

Honestly ah liked the sound of option one.

But there was no time foah that, because ah had another choice to face: Remy. And he might just be thickheaded enough not to let it go. So if ah really did want him as much as ah did…shouldn't ah at least try to meet him halfway?

However, if ah was gonna go after option two, ah had no choice but to admit ah needed help.

That's how ah found mahself an hour later knockin' on a big oak door.

"Come in, Rogue." Sometimes ah think ah never will get used to the Professor's little tricks.

Ah took a deep breath, swallowed mah pride, and then opened the door.

"I'm glad you've come to see me, though I must say your visit is somewhat…unexpected. Please, come have a seat."

Ah closed the door behind me before ah sat in front of the desk. The Professor smiled. "What can I do for you?"

The Professor can sometimes be intimidating in how welcoming he is. He's just so…together…and good. It's almost like his very presence emphasizes yoah own insecurities. Plus there's the added bonus of wonderin' if he's readin' yoah thoughts.

Ah looked down at mah hands to find they were already fidgeting. Ah took a second to still mahself befoah ah answered. We were here now, might as well just be honest.

"Ah really don't know how to say this…"

"Take your time."

Ah did. "Ah guess ah just don't want to sound like a twit."

He nodded, very understandingly. "I promise that I will take you seriously."

Mah fingers started dancin' again, and ah looked out the window, tryin' to fumble around foah a way to start.

"I make you very uncomfortable, don't I?"

Ah jumped. "What? No! Ah mean, you don't mean to or anything..."

"Rogue, I don't take offense. You find it difficult to locate a common ground on which we can relate to each other. It's quite all right. However, I think if I could find a way to put you at ease you may find this easier. Hmm…"

"Can't you just jump in mah head and turn all that off?"

He chuckled. "Its not exactly that simple, Rogue, but yes, I suppose I could. However the effects would be temporary and superficial."

"Might as well just let me squirm mah way through this, then." Ah took another deep breath and closed mah eyes. "Ah think ah need some help."

"With what exactly?"

"Yoah psychic aren't ya?"

He smiled again. "Yes, but that's cheating. You know perfectly well that I try not to use my powers unless it's completely necessary. I find its much more progressive to have you volunteer."

"Ah thought you might say somethin' like that, but it was worth a shot. You know how you always said that maybe all the folks in mah head could be dealt with if ah was willing?"

"I do recall saying something to that effect."

"Well ah'm willing."

"That is wonderfully encouraging Rogue."

"Ok, so…you'll help?"

"Of course my dear."

"Kay…just tell me if there's something ah'm supposed to do."

Ah closed mah eyes and tried to relax.

"Do you think it's that simple?"

Ah opened mah eyes. "Hmm?"

"That I can now just…jump in your head, as you say, and hope to undo everything?"

Ah shifted in mah seat. "Well no…not exactly. I figure it'll take some time and all that, but ah thought we could at least get crackin'."

"Rogue…how to put this delicately…coming to terms with your powers, their history, their control, and confronting the presences that I have contained in your psyche…those are the final steps. There is much preparation required in the meantime. You say it will take 'some time', but you will find that it will take a terrible lot longer than that."

"Well what do you mean? What do ah need to do?"

He paused foah a moment, surveying me as though looking foah a cue. "We would need to overcome your vulnerabilities."

"To psychics? Can you become resistant to-,"

"No. Your mental and emotional vulnerability."

My fingernails dug into the arms of the chair. "So that's it huh? Ah'm a basket case? See this is why it's so hard to come to you foah help. You just jump right to conclusions-,"

"Please let me finish. You did ask for my help, I am trying to give it."

My teeth met with an audible "click".

"I have never invaded your mind when it was not completely necessary or at your request, but I have learned from the glimpses that have been allowed, and from interacting with you on a verbal level. Confronting the presences you've absorbed will be nothing short of a battle, but the planes of the mind can prove a much more challenging sort of engagement. Not only must you wrestle with the will of the 'outsiders', but with yourself. Do you follow so far?"

Ah gave a stiff nod.

"The weapons they can use are the ones you yourself equip. You do realize that you refuse to speak beyond a strictly factual tone about either of your parents, your home, your feelings in general, Rogue. You won't even reveal your own name."

Ah didn't want to admit it, but my shoulders turned to stone at just the mention of those kinds of things.

"I know from what I have seen that there are deep wounds that you have buried, rather than healed. All people do this from time to time. It is a way to protect your mind from injury it is not yet capable of sustaining. Yet if they are never allowed to surface, then they begin to fester."

"So yoah sayin' ah need to be all touchy feely?"

The Professor leveled me with a heavy stare. "No. I am saying that if you are clinging to feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and pain that you will not share with friends who you trust, how are you going to respond when it is your mind's vision of Mystique? Or Carol? Or Cody? Or Sinister? Damage that occurs in a mental battle is not a mirage, it is real. I will not risk you taking any damage that could be prevented if you would be kind enough to accept both good help and good advice."

Xavier has this particular tone that makes you feel like perfectly justified offense is actually a childish tantrum. Ah wanted to stay mad, but all the sudden ah felt like a sulky four-year-old and couldn't come up with anything to say that didn't sound petty.

"So…what do you recommend foah me?"

"I think it would help to begin with some basic psychotherapy."

"Wait…you want me to see a shrink?"

"While I'm not sure I approve of that term, yes."

"Seriously?"

"Rogue, I believe that by providing a safe setting for you to verbalize your feelings and experiences, you may become comfortable enough to address and overcome them. Moreover, with guided practice you may learn a healthy process for dealing with personal suffering in the future."

"You really think a head doctor is gonna do all that?"

"I agree that there is a certain…void of empirical evidence to support the efficiency of psychotherapy statistically, but I think in your case especially it will be not only helpful, but essential. Most people have personal influences and relationships that allow them to communicate, express feeling, and bond. You do not have these kinds of relationships, though I will not speculate why. This will provide you with an outlet."

Ah couldn't exactly argue, though ah was feelin' pretty aggravated with the turn this conversation had taken. "You got somebody in mind?"

"Actually, I do. I think you'll find it far less painful than you fear. Though we have several team members and residents here with appropriate certification, I wouldn't want to cause of conflict of interest for you here as either an X-woman or faculty member. So I believe I can arrange for you to meet with my good friend and associate, Dr. Moira MacTaggart."

"Who?"

"Moira runs a mutant medical research facility on Muir Island in Scotland. She is a great personal friend, and an advocate for mutant rights. You would meet with her via teleconference for one hour, twice a week pending her opinion. I think the physical distance, anonymity, and gender rapport will make her a perfect candidate for your particular needs. Is this acceptable to you?"

"Yoah the professor here, if its good enough foah you then ah suppose it'll do."

"I would much rather have your personal approval. I can arrange all the meetings and support in the world, but without your motivation and cooperation there is no reachable objective."

Ah couldn't help but sigh. Ah was tryin' to play nice but we were talkin' about psychotherapy here: key word "psycho".

"I know that it might not make sense to you now, but if you are really serious, and you want to make changes to the state of your mind, your powers, and your ability to relate to your past and the people around you, this is what must be done. Now is that what you want?"

Ability to relate to the people around me. Ability to relate to another person. Ability to relate to Remy.

"Yes, Xavier. Ah want that."

"Very good. I'll contact Moira this afternoon, and let you know when your first appointment will be."

Ah nodded resignedly, and then went to leave the room.

"And Rogue?"

Ah stopped but ah didn't turn. Mah pride was already in tatters. "I know that this is difficult for you…I appreciate your strength in coming to me, and…I want you to know that I am quite proud of you."

"Um…yeah. Thanks, uh, Professor."

Ah left his office as quickly as ah could manage without lookin' rude.

So grand total foah the day: Piotr thinks ah'm crazy, Logan's not speakin' to me, the Professor is makin' me see a shrink, and all thanks to one person: dang ol' Remy LeBeau.

But at least ah'd come to one conclusion: mah life was goin' to be made up of choices and consequences now, not just events with no rhyme or reason. If only that would make things easier somehow.

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