Queenofspades19 – I know! I'm so excited to be winding towards the end game that I'm really having to struggle not to rush. I have to admit, there's some stuff I'm not looking forward to, but there's a lot more that I'm dying to write!

Tfobmv19 – I am not going to have Rogue dump Remy in Antarctica. In fact I have a bit of an irony planned foah that particular continent. But let me stop before I spoil things. I'm glad you're enjoying, thanks for the feedback!

Bologna121 – I'm so glad you enjoyed the ending last chapter! After that hot night, I had to throw in at least a little steamy interaction. As per your request, here is the more!

Makbee – I'm really glad that the character development is coming across well. I gotta admit, its been a little tough to go back and forth between two first-person POVs and keep any semblance of organization, so thanks for the reassurance! I'm also glad you liked the Logan/Remy interaction. I get so used to Logan being gruff and aggressive that when he actually uses words I think its really effective. I don't think he could've hit Remy any harder if he'd punched him. I love the Logan/Rogue dynamic too!

Shandy – Aww!! Thanks! I love hearing your favorite parts! It lets me know I at least did something right. Yeah, Logan's usually the fist-over-diplomacy type, but I figured he had something really important to say, and sometimes words can hit harder than knuckles. And yeah, Remy definitely needs someone to knock some seriousness into him sometimes. Him and that silver tongue. And yes, Remy can't get through any situation without going into "Gambit mode" at least a little. That cracked me up by the way. Gambit mode. Well put! Glad you're enjoying!

Crack4sure – Hey there! Thanks for reading and the review! Hope you're still enjoying it and that it's not moving too slow. Its all coming together I promise!

Part 22: The Man in the Iron Mask

Gambit's staff landed broadly across mah shoulders, knockin' me forward to stumble through the snow. Sometimes Ah wanna take that thing from him and snap it in two, but in the end ah can never find it in me to do it, knowin' how attached he is.

We'd spent the last couple of weeks in overdrive. The UN correspondents had flatly refused an expedition to Antarctica. They weren't going to go through the expense and organization on something so vague as Hank's revelation. Of course, it wasn't hard to read between the lines: they weren't going to suffer that expense on a blind chance just to rescue four hundred no-account mutant civilians.

Fortunately foah us, Scott managed to convince the Professor to hold off on the order to ship out until we had something more concrete from the processor. Unfortunately, this meant we were all workin' double to prepare just in case. Gambit's free time had all but evaporated in light of helpin' Hank decode and trainin' in the danger room with the rest of us.

Scott, Logan, and Ah were busy trainin' as well, but our additional duty was upgradin' the Blackbird. The Blackbird's a great aircraft, but its structure and programming is so complex that any kinda alteration becomes a major headache.

So between preparation, trainin', and keepin' up with our regular duties, danger room sessions like this one were a rare opportunity to spend time together.

Admittedly we still tried to have a few guilty moments every night befoah bed, but we were both so beat by that time that it was usually minutes only befoah one of us was out cold.

Speakin' of cold, even though we had spent a few weeks trainin' in it, this Antarctic-type freeze was still crampin' mah style. Jean and Scott were hard at work tryin' to perfect our uniforms and apparatus foah the sub-zero temperatures, but still the best of us were lucky to make it through a half hour. There's just no way to appreciate this kinda cold if you've never been in it. Here at least we could get out of it in an emergency: Ah was havin' mah doubts about how long we could stand the real version.

We had scant been in foah a full ten minutes, and already the winds were sappin' mah heat away like it was no more than dust. Mah face and digits had long lost all feelin' but foah a dull sting. Ah had to keep movin' to try and get some blood flowin', but ah had to conserve energy at the same time so ah wasn't overwhelmed too easily. Ah was also shakin' so bad it was hard to concentrate on anything else, much less the rules of hand-to-hand combat.

Ah liked playin' with Remy at least. Since we're both so competitive, Ah was kinda surprised these danger room sessions went so well. Sometimes ah won, sometimes he did, but it didn't really matter. Befoah and after each match, he'd smile and bow, like a gentleman askin' a lady to dance. It was so adorable ah could never find it in me to get mad at him. Either that or Ah was just too thrilled that he was part of the team.

Ah had been so proud that the Professor had recognized under his nare-do-well exterior the same thoughtful, driven, honest, caring, dependable, and valuable person that ah had come to know. Moreover, ah was ecstatic at the thought of Remy stayin' here, foah real, from now on.

It seemed almost silly that ah had once thought Remy and ah were impossible; now we seemed almost inevitable.

Rather than catch mah balance, I left myself fall forward, knowin' from experience that he would already have another blow in progress. As his staff whipped over my head ah grabbed it and yanked it down hard: now it was his turn to be lyin' on the ice.

He grinned over at me. "You wan' to cuddle, you can jus' ask."

"You want a knuckle sandwich, you can just ask," Ah retorted, though I couldn't help but smile back.

Ah shouldn't have. The next moment there was a flash of pink that both startled and momentarily blinded me. Embers from the ruined playing card fell onto mah suit, and ah hastily brushed them off. Once Ah thought to look foah Remy again, he had vanished. Ah couldn't even see the last hint of his leather jacket.

Yeah, he insisted on wearin' the jacket over his uniform. Of course he did.

"Come on girl, focus. There's a reason yoah doin' this," Ah quietly admonished mahself.

Remy's fast, and Ah'm strong. If Ah can catch him, Ah win. We both know this. To save face, ah decided to do somethin' ah hated to do in "Antarctica": Ah flew. There's very little landscape there to hide, and an aerial view was a sure fire way to find mah prey.

The downside is the wind. Not only is it both constant and ferocious, but it also adds a wind chill factor to the already unbearable cold which can easily be deadly. Moreover, Antarctica is well prone to sudden blinding snow storms, which add up to a game over foah me if ah'm caught airborne in one.

So Ah needed to catch him fast. Ah soared up as high as ah dared, and just barely managed to spot him hidin' out under an outcropping of ice. It was almost a miracle ah managed to spot him at all, but as ah turned toward him, ah made mah fatal mistake: Ah turned directly into the wind.

The cold air whipped into mah face and made mah eyes water. No sooner had the tears reached the air than they started to freeze. Ah dropped and started wipin' mah eyes as fast as ah could. Ah ripped mah gloves off and pressed mah hands to mah eyes, hopin' they were warm enough to keep the water from freezin'. Ah heard Gambit call out the code to stop the simulation, and then he grabbed mah arm, pullin' me out into the warm hallway.

The blast of the heaters were almost uncomfortable against mah pallid skin.

"You all right chere? Do I need to get somebody?"

"Ah'm all right." Ah pulled mah gloves back on hastily. "This is ridiculous. We cannot go fight a dang war in Antarctica. If we had a thousand people on our team, we still couldn't do it. We've been trainin' foah weeks and we still can't stay in the dang thing more than what, twenty, thirty minutes?"

"Dey're working on our equipment all de time…"

"Yeah? Well so far it hasn't helped much. Besides, after all this trainin', Ah'm startin' to suspect that those coordinates really are nothing more than a red herring. How could anyone launch this kind of attack from a place like stupid Antarctica? The manpower and the technology…if someone really is down there doin' all this, then we're outta luck befoah we begin."

"I'm wit' you, but sometimes it's easier to show somebody dan to tell dem. De Professor knows how hard we've been working, and he knows how little progress we've made. He's a smart man, let him figure it out."

Ah sighed. "Ah guess yoah right. Ah just miss the old days in the danger room when a gal would win or lose, instead of gettin' off-ed by the dang climate."

"S' not yo' fault Gambit's so good at staying out o' sight."

"Yeah but it is mah fault that ah keep lettin' you talk every time ah get the advantage."

He seemed to consider this. "Well, I can be a hard man to ignore. D'ough really when else do we get to talk? And Antarctica isn' exactly fo' lovers, non?"

Ah tried to keep the heat out of mah cheeks, a feat ah was slowly startin' to master…at least sometimes. "Ah couldn't agree more, but we got work to do. It's gotta slow down eventually. Either you'll turn somethin' up on that processor or we'll get the equipment right foah the expedition or the Professor will give us a dang break and realize this whole thing is stupid."

"Dat's true…but also indefinite." He looked up and down the hallway mischievously. "What do you say we get out o' here and take de afternoon off?"

Sold. Ah couldn' help but giggle a little bit. Unfortunately, it occurred to me that there was one thing Ah absolutely had to do today.

Mah face fell. "Shoot."

"Aw come on, chere. S' only a couple o' hours. Surely whatever it is can wait jus' dis once?"

Ah smiled ruefully. "Ah'm sorry, sugah, but this is one appointment Ah have to keep. But if you can give me an hour, Ah'd be happy to take you up on that offer."

"Gambit mus' be losing his touch…" He feigned a pout.

Ah nodded thoughtfully, which only made him irritable, but it was too funny. "That might be true, but hey, it's nothin' a little practice won't cure." Ah winked at him, and his smile returned. "Meet you in the garage? One hour?"

"And not one minute more, mind you."

"Cross mah heart." Ah hurried down the hall, relishin' the flutter in mah chest that was startin' to become familiar. Ah felt his eyes on me til Ah made it round the corner, and it made me giddy.

Oh yes, an afternoon off with Remy Lebeau was just what the doctor ordered.

Ah went upstairs to the study, which was just off the library. This particular study was restricted from students, and remained locked at all times unless somebody had an appointment. One, it had a lot of technology in it that we didn't want played with, and two, it was quiet and confidential place to do things like what Ah was about to do.

Ah waved at Jean, who was on library duty that day. Though no one knew exactly what Ah was doin', they all knew that the room was reserved for me certain times and days. She smiled and tossed me the key without question.

Ah went in, set up, and waited patiently. Ah didn't have to wait long. Dr. MacTaggart is very prompt.

Suddenly her smiling face appeared on the flat screen. "There ye are!"

"Aren't Ah always?"

"Aye, but not always on time." Her admonition had no bite. "So how are ye today? Charles still working all o' ye half to death?"

"Ah'm afraid so, but ah'm takin' a day off today."

"Oh really? Any big plans?" Sometimes Moira's manner was so casual it was hard to remember that ah was technically in therapy.

"Sneakin' off with Remy." The nice thing about therapy is that the person you talk to is legally bound to keep confidence. Ah had to leak somewhere.

"Shame on ye, brazen lass!" Moira giggled conspiratorially, but then her face tightened into concern. "Ye won't be getting in too much trouble will ye? Don't get me wrong, I'm more than pleased that ye're taking some risks, but-,"

"Oh Ah imagine Ah'll get scolded, but it won't be serious. Ah almost never take any personal time, so they can't really hold it against me."

"I must say I've become altogether curious about this gentlemen o' yours. Perhaps you have a picture?"

"Hmm…actually no."

"I'm no surprised. Ye don't really keep mementos."

"Sure Ah do."

She leveled her eyes at me. "Rogue, since ye've been seeing me, I've asked for pictures of parents, friends, boyfriends, comrades, items from childhood, anything that may have sentimental value attached. Not once have you been able to produce any such thing. Now either ye are lying, which I've no indication of, or this is yet another manifestation of the "burying" behavior we've discussed."

"In mah defense Ah have moved a lot. Ah mean Ah didn't always have the option of keepin' a bunch a junk."

"O' course that's part of it, but there's always the element of personal responsibility. So what part do ye think your actions played?"

This was one of those baited therapy questions. Ah thought back over our discussions about personal responsibility and recognizing choices and opportunities. We'd also had a talk about making excuses and denial, much to mah chagrin. So Ah took a deep breath and thought about mah answer.

"Ah guess that every time Ah've had a relationship end, it's on the premise of some kind of betrayal. So it kinda invalidated all the good stuff."

"How do ye mean? Can ye give me an example?"

"Well…Ah've kinda already told you a lot of them."

"What do ye mean by 'invalidated?'"

"Yoah digging, Moira."

"Aye, but ye're making me. Just explain what ye mean."

Ah sighed. Ah still kinda hated all this gooey feeling stuff, but Moira seemed to think it was important to talk about. She's the expert after all.

"Like Mystique, then. Ah believed foah a while that she really loved me like a daughter, but then her using me, using mah powers, puttin' me in danger again and again, and eventually nearly drivin' me insane…it proved to me that her feelings weren't real, weren't true. So why would Ah keep pictures of us happy together, when Ah knew it was just a lie? Ah don't wanna be reminded of this stuff all the time. Ah wanna get past it. That's why Ah'm here."

"Yes, but ye're going about it all the wrong way. Ye canna make things unhappen, any more with the positive than the negative."

"Ah know that."

"On a conscious level, perhaps. But ye also know on a conscious level that using your given name is really only a simple thing. It has such strong symbolism in your subconscious mind that ye can't bring yourself to do it. No experience is all good or all evil. If ye really want to accept your past, and the person ye truly are a result of those experiences, then ye have to accept all sides of it. Yes, Mystique used, betrayed, and did wrong by ye, but ye were still happy with her at times. Personally, I think she did care about ye, but in her own way, not the way you needed or wanted. There's nothing wrong with remembering that happiness."

Ah was quiet foah a while. "It hurts less to believe that she was all bad."

"Aye, of course it does. It's one of life's hardest lessons, that good people can do bad things, even to people they care about. It leads us to the next hardest lesson: that we ourselves can do bad things, and still be good people. But your constant belief that the people who have hurt ye are monsters has undermined your self-trust. I've heard ye talk about feelings of disbelief and self-deprecation. If everyone ye've loved were truly monsters, then how can ye trust your own feelings?"

"Ya can't."

"Exactly. You go through life mistrusting yourself and everyone around ye."

"Well what do Ah need to do then?"

"I want ye to try to turn the same eyes you give Remy onto your past. Remy seems to be the only person who can do wrong by ye and still garner your trust. I think it's wonderful that you have him, he's a very good influence on you, mostly because he doesn't back down when you try to chase him off."

Ah winced a little. That was true enough. Dang these psychoanalysts and their dang insights.

Ah hid behind a joke. "Ah don't mean to be obtuse, doctor, but Ah don't think Ah can think of Mystique the same way Ah think of Remy."

"Ye know what I mean, young lady. I want ye to tell me about a time ye were happy with Mystique. Dunna try to temper it with hindsight, dunna give me disclaimers, just recite the facts like ye're reading a story: no commentary."

The session wound on, Moira peggin' me every step of the way to the point it was almost insultin'. Ah mean, everyone likes to think of themselves as a complex person, but Moira seems to find me painfully obvious. But she's good at what she does, and Ah knew that if Ah ever wanted to be different Ah needed to step outside mah comfort zone. She was just the person to give me a push.

It was harder to talk about a good time with Mystique than it had been to talk about the bad stuff. Ah'd actually been surprised how well Ah'd relayed my sob story over the past few weeks. Ah watch tv like everyone else, Ah figured ah was supposed to have a big, uncontrollable breakdown at some point, then ah'd be cured. So far, no dice.

But talkin' about this happy stuff was more of a challenge. When Mystique had first found me, Ah thought of her as an angel. Turns out Ah was slightly off.

Finally the hour started winding to a close, and Moira started in on some positive reinforcement. Ah knew this was probably formulaic, but Ah liked it anyway.

"I'm very proud of ye, Rogue. I know that this is very difficult, and can make ye feel vulnerable or embarrassed, but ye're doing a great job, and I'm really feeling hopeful about your progress."

"Thanks, Moira."

"And actually, I have some good news for ye."

Ah perked up. Ah'm a sucker foah surprises. "Oh?"

"Ye've been doing so well at taking direction, and being proactive about your health that I have great confidence that ye will continue to move forward. So I've decided to recommend to Charles that ye begin the process for controlling your powers."

"Really?!?"

"Now granted I'm also going to have to continue the therapy sessions, but I think ye're in a positive and secure enough state o' mind that ye'd be able to make some progress."

"Oh Moira ya won't regret this Ah promise! Oh thank you thank you!"

"Now keep in mind that Charles still has to approve my decision, don't get so excited yet."

"But ah just know he will if its comin' from you!"

"Probably." She admitted sheepishly. "But I also want you to remember that this is still a process that takes time."

"Ah know ah know, you've told me. Ah'm excited to be startin'! Ah mean, if ah could control mah powers, everything would be…"

Ah couldn't find an adjective strong enough. Moira just laughed at my exuberance. "Well, I hope ye get the chance to find out. In the meantime, ye'd better not keep Remy waiting. After all, your conduct in regard to him has been a large factor in my decision."

"Huh?"

"Rogue, ye've shown me that ye're capable of trust, and affection, and intimacy. If those things were completely gone, we'd have much more work to do before you start really confronting your demons."

"Oh…"

"Now go on. Ye're not the only woman in this room with places to be." She smiled warmly at me and waved. I returned the wave, and then the screen went blank.

Since Ah was alone and the door was locked, Ah jumped up and danced around the room excitedly. They were really gonna help me get these powers under control! Ah couldn't wait to tell Remy!

But at that thought, mah enthusiasm curbed. The professor had always tried to warn me that mah powers might not be somethin' Ah could ever control, and ah had to be prepared foah that. Ah didn't want to get Remy all excited over it, only to have to tell him later that it would never happen.

But then Ah got all giddy again. Wouldn't it be that much more exciting anyway? If it was a surprise? If ah just walked in one day and laid one on him? It had been nearly six years since Ah'd touched another person skin to skin without mah powers. Ah'd like that to be the first thing Ah felt.

Ah laughed to mahself just thinkin' of it. A surprise would be perfect.

Ah hurried to mah room to change out of mah uniform and felt the first uncomfortable pangs of havin' a man in mah life: what the hell was Ah gonna wear? Dang this skin thing! Ah could just suck it up and do jeans and tee-shirt…but surely there were options, even foah me. Ah had a skirt, but it was kinda more evenin' oriented and Ah didn't want him to know Ah made an effort. He'd jump to conclusions and become immediately unbearable. Hmm. Ah could just go with the jeans and try to dress it up with a nice top. Then Ah remembered: there was a sundress Ah bought during mah less coherent days after Sinister, pale green, empire waist, billowy skirt. It was perfect, except foah mah skin. Hmm. A pair of pantyhose would take care of the legs…obviously the long gloves, but foah the shoulders? Ah dug through mah closet, keepin' one eye on the clock. Beige cardigan. Good enough. Ah threw it all on, along with a pair of brown strappy sandals with just a tiny heel. Then Ah went to mah dresser, fumblin' in the top drawer foah some mah eyeliner and some sheer lip gloss. It was the best Ah could do under short notice.

When Ah walked into the garage, Remy revved the motorcycle. Ah smiled broadly at him, unable to contain mah good mood. Then Ah silently cursed mah decision to wear a stupid dress. A girl can't win some days. Oh well.

"Where to petite?"

Ah jumped on the motorcycle behind him, wrappin' mah arms around his stomach. It occurred to me briefly that this may well be the reason he chose the motorcycle in the first place, but Ah didn't care: Ah almost agreed with him.

"Anywhere so long as ya drive fast."

He lit up a cigarette. "I love it when you make t'ings easy on me."

Like that we were off, wind rushin' overhead and road underneath. There's just somethin' about a bike: it's reckless, it's stupid, but it's so much fun. Ah pressed mahself against him, guiltily enjoying his particular scent and the feel of his movement as he steered us in no particular direction.

After Ah while, ah had an idea.

"Take Saw Mill River parkway."

"How far?" He called back over his shoulder.

"You in a rush?"

He chuckled to himself as he merged on. We took exit 23 into the Bronx, and towards one of mah favorite hidey-holes.

An Beal Bocht is an irish café that has some of the best coffee above the Mason-Dixon line. It's also a great venue foah local talent to come in and play. Weekends were reserved for Irish music only, but the weeks were full of a bohemian assortment of homespun music, poetry, comedy, and small scale theatre: it was the kind of place that made you feel like you were far away from all yoah troubles, which was just where Ah wanted to be.

But also, the coffee…

When we pulled in, the crisp notes of an acoustic guitar were already driftin' across the lot, tangled hopelessly with a smooth male tenor.

Ah jumped off the back of the bike and headed inside, but Remy put a hand to mah shoulder, stoppin' me. Ah turned back to look at him.

"What's wrong?"

"We're not at de mansion."

"You noticed?"

"I agreed to playing coy at de mansion. Out here's a different story…"

He pulled in close, planting a stubborn kiss to the top of mah head and then looped his fingers through mine, pulling me along.

"You look beautiful, by de way, chere."

Ah flushed all the way to the tips of mah ears and followed him in a silly stupor. As soon as we entered the place, Pat, one of the managers, rushed over. Though he was a second generation American, he was every inch an Irishman, from his close cropped red hair, to his round middle, to his consistently beet red face, to his warm sense of hospitality, to his sudden and fiery temper.

"Well hello there pretty! I was starting to think I'd seen the last of you!"

"Me? Never. Just been a bit hellish at work."

"Ah yes, the young miss is a very important lady, to be sure. Far too important to come out and have a good time."

"Now ya know that's not what Ah meant. Ah'm here aren't ah?"

"I suppose you have a point there. And who's this with you? You've never brought anyone in with you. Well, you know any friend of yours is a friend of ours, so long as he's not the reason you've been so very busy…" He winked at Remy, who characteristically grinned rather than defend mah honor.

Ah rolled mah eyes and cleared mah throat. "This is Remy Lebeau. He's mah…uh…an acquaintance of mine."

He rushed forward and shook Remy's hand in both of his with vigor as he teased, "Acquaintance huh? Sounds serious."

"Gentil de vous rencontrer, monsieur."

"A Frenchman!" he exclaimed good naturedly. "Bless your heart, young lady! It would be a staunch woman indeed who could withstand the seductive talents of a Frenchman! Well then, I suppose Mickey will be heart broken." Mickey was Pat's brother, who could also be his twin. It was a long standing joke that Ah was Mickey's "one true love", even though he was hopelessly taken with his wife, who was best known foah smackin' him in the head at least twenty times a day.

Ah was quickly becomin' flustered when Remy jumped in. "Dat's de price o' having such a face. Every great beauty has to leave at least a short trail o' broken hearts. Surely even de Irish can appreciate dat, non?"

Pat shook with heavy laughter. "All right fair enough. Besides, Irishmen have a cure-all: a nice round of Guinness. Mickey will have to see his way through it. But please, don't let me keep you. Lord knows I've got work to do. Make yourselves right at home. Stage is open to anyone who wants on, and I'm just sure today's the day Miss Rogue would like to regale our company with her lovely voice."

"Not this or any other day and you know it."

"Well let's just see, shall we? The usual for starters?"

"And another foah mah friend?"

He nodded and smiled widely befoah he scuttled off to take care of Lord knows what.

"What did you just order fo' me?"

"The best coffee in New York."

"Dat's my girl."

The tables were all crowded, so Ah headed foah the lounge-area, where vacant, over-stuffed couches beckoned. Ah settled into one, expectin' Remy would sit across from me. Instead, he sat down next to me, drapin' one heavy arm across mah shoulders. Ah stiffened out of habit, but tried to relax into it.

"Yoah really pushin' today, Cajun."

"Gotta make de most of it. One, after dis stunt Hank will never let me see de light o' day again, and two, yo' in one o' yo' rare good humors."

"Am Ah really that moody?" Ah looked up at him, momentarily concerned.

"Yo' getting better all de time." He smiled down teasingly, and Ah shook mah head at him while secretly enjoying the warmth and feel of his closeness.

The man playing guitar had stepped down, and in his place was a girl at the piano. She wasn't much good. Ah love a good piano, but the song was a desperate "can't live without you" romance, and her whiny voice wound out the angsty lyrics as though her teeth were in the way. Remy winced as she wailed out a note just out of her range, and our eyes locked in quiet disapproval that made us both laugh.

The waiter brought us coffee and menus. Ah had determined to get something light, like a sandwich, but after the danger room mah stomach had other plans: hot and heavy. As such, Ah ordered the shepherd's pie. Apparently Remy had the same idea as he enthusiastically requested the roast beef and a Guinness brie wheel appetizer.

Once he left, Remy took a sip of his coffee and all but purred. Ah grinned.

"Told ya so."

"Fo' once, petite, it seems yo' right."

"Foah once? When have ah ever been wrong?"

"Only every moment since I met you."

Ah flicked him in the arm, and he feigned a wounded face. "All dis abuse all de time."

"As often as you earn it Ah figure you must like it at least a little."

"'S a plausible theory. Maybe we can experiment a little one o' dese days." He waggled his eyebrows at me.

"You just can't help yoahself can ya?"

"I could, but den I t'ink yo' starting to warm up to me."

"Oh yeah, what gave ya that impression?"

He shrugged and smiled. "Jus' a feeling."

"Where do you get a head like yoah's anyhow? Ah would think Mattie woulda beat it out of you years ago."

He nodded thoughtfully. "S' not like she didn' try. But I was born into an all boy generation. Only so much she could do."

"What do you mean, all boys? What about Merci?"

"Merci married in. Growing up was jus' me, Henri, Emil, Etienne, and Theoren."

"Lord have mercy, five boys?"

"Best time of my life."

"Ah'm sure."

We let it hang while the wailer stepped off the stage and two guys stepped up, one with a guitar and the other with a banjo. They started unloaded some traditional Irish tunes, always lively with touches of both humor and longing. We kept talking.

"What was it like, growin' up in such a large family?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well it was always just me, growin' up. Ah always wanted brothers and sisters. Just wonderin' if the grass is really greener."

"Dere's ups and downs to everyt'ing. On de one hand, everyt'ing was always such a production. Even going out to family dinner was an exercise in scheduling and transportation. And den o' course you got to earn attention from people, find a way to stand out. We fought all de time. T'ings get political when too many people are involved. But on de uddah hand, you always had somebody around you were close to, always people to depend on and confide in. We were never bored, and we always cared about each uddah. I t'ink wit' any uddah family, I woulda spent more time wonderin' about my real parents. I was happy enough dat I didn' care. Still don', really, 'cept fo' idle curiosity every once in a while."

Ah frowned. "Then why do ya hate goin' home so much?"

He sighed, and looked over at me foah a moment thoughtfully. "De business. De business ruins everyt'ing. Dere's a reason people say don' mix business and pleasure, and 's cause de one kills de uddah."

His face was still passive, but his tone was hard. Ah didn't have a great record at approachin' him when he's in these moods, so Ah hesitated a moment. Ah remembered back in New Orleans: if ah pushed him, he'd just get mad and snap at me, then Ah'd be too distracted to ever get any answers. But Ah so desperately wanted to know him better. Maybe Ah could distract him.

Ah leaned in and snuggled closer to him, reachin' over to stroke his hand absently. Of course we both know Ah never touch anyone absently, but perhaps the gesture would count foah somethin'.

"So why can't ya just tell them yoah not gonna do the business part and see them anyway?"

"S' not like that."

"How is it then?"

"S' jus' complicated."

"Lots of things are complicated Remy, you normally sort your way out." Ah gave him a meaningful smile, but he only lowered his eyebrows. Ah frowned. "Come on, talk to me. We got time."

"Why are you so interested?"

"Aren't Ah supposed to take an interest in ya?"

"Dere's no point in 'supposed to'. Yo' not obligated to do anyt'ing you don' wan'."

Ah felt mah patience wearin' off, and Ah crossed mah arms over mah chest. "Would you quit bein' so dang stubborn?"

He jaw tightened defiantly. "Yo' calling me stubborn?"

"Oh Ah know Ah'm stubborn, Gambit, but the difference is, Ah'm makin' an effort to open up, like you asked. Least you can do is meet a lady halfway."

He withdrew his arm, suddenly foul-tempered. "Well den what is it you wan' to know so badly dat it can' wait til I'm ready to tell you?"

Ah glared at him and he glared right back. Ah watched him straighten and simmer, and slowly recognized that stupid, closed, aggressive stance that meant the conversation was over, whether Ah wanted to go on pretendin' or not.

Disappointment overshadowed mah anger, and Ah let mah shoulders drop and looked away.

"Forget it."

A shadow of confusion danced over his face befoah he settled back beside me. We sat, pretendin' to watch the stage acts and not talking foah a full five minutes. At first mah irritation was ample company, but then mah own mind ruined mah otherwise satisfied fuming.

Ah had been so happy earlier at the thought of surprising him with a kiss. Now here we were, another chance to be together out on a date like a normal couple, and again, spoiled. My feelin's took a terrible nose dive toward dejected and morose.

Why didn't he want to talk to me anyway? About anything? Ever? As long as we talked about me, us, or our immediate surroundings he was all charm. The second Ah ask him a personal question he turns into Mr. Hyde and gives me that look like "who do you think you are?"

Ah just couldn't reconcile his behavior with his outrageous claims that Ah was somethin' special. How was Ah supposed to be close to him if Ah couldn't know anything about him? Ah mean ah can certainly sympathize with reluctance to open up, but Ah didn't try to make him feel stupid and annoying foah asking.

Suddenly Ah felt like all eyes were watchin' me and Remy, his posture rigid with agitation, mine slouched with dejection. We were just the sort of couple Ah would normally make fun of. Ah slid mah eyes discreetly over to him, but he was still pointedly watchin' the stage. Ah sighed.

Well, he'd been patient with me so far, maybe Ah should just try a little harder.

"Ok, what did Ah do wrong?"

"What makes you t'ink you did somet'ing wrong?"

"Would you lay off the Socratic method and answer the dang question? Yoah mad, yoah not talkin', yoah not even tryin' to touch me or make any lewd comments."

"Maybe I'm tired."

"Look, if ya don't tell me what Ah'm doin' wrong Ah'm not gonna learn how to avoid it or make it right."

Ah waited but he just sat, sulkin'. Ah put one hand to the side of his face and turned him toward me a little less than gently. "You know you can trust me, right?"

He glowered down a moment longer, and then sighed. "Actually no, I don' know. But I guess I have to give it a try, at least."

Ah was a little miffed at the answer, but Ah decided to swallow it since Ah was gettin' close. "It might be helpful. Besides, who am Ah gonna tell?"

He looked tired all the sudden and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "What do you wan' to know?" He wasn't bein' defiant now.

Ah took a deep breath, and then lifted his arm back around mah shoulders. "We were talkin' about why you don't like to see yoah family."

"Oh yeah. Dat." He took a heavy breath. "De t'ieving business is not like uddah family businesses. S' neither a day nor a night job. No matter where you are, what yo' doin', or who yo' wit', yo' still a t'ief. S' de blood. Been dat way fo' centuries. Cradle to grave, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week."

Ah nodded thoughtfully, tryin' to figure out the questions that would keep him talkin', and avoid the ones that would make him shut up.

"So…why don't you like bein' a thief? From what I gather ya weren't bad at it or anything."

He looked almost curious foah a second. "You want me to go back to stealing go' a living?"

"Not if you don't want to. Ah just wondered what yoah problem is with it."

"You don' have a problem wit' it?"

Ah considered. "Not really. Ah've known lots of people that have done lots of bad things. Lord knows Ah'm no saint. From the time we spent with yoah family, they never seemed to take things from anyone who'd really miss it. In fact…" Ah trailed off, not sure if Ah should say what Ah was thinkin', but his eyes pressed me. "Ah kinda thought of it like Robin Hood or somethin'." Ah looked down, embarrassed.

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, a small smile returnin' to his lips. "Robin Hood hahn? Sounds dashing. Guess I'll just have to sweep some maiden off her feet to make de impression complete."

"What am Ah? Friar Tuck?"

He laughed loudly, and Ah started to feel a little more confident.

He wiped at a corner of his eye. "You always surprise me, chere."

"Why?"

He gave me one of those glances that makes it hard foah me to breathe, those red eyes of his borin' into me like fire. "All de t'ings dat uddah people hate about me, you like, or at least don' seem to mind. Like right now. When I look at you, you never look away. S' like you don' care what I look like, or what I do. Jus' who I am. It surprises me always."

It never in a million years would have occurred to me that Remy Lebeau would be self-conscious. It was hard to imagine anyone not likin' him. At least, any woman. Ah tried to fight through the bewilderment that his stare put on me to reassure him.

"Yoah a good person, Remy. Yes yoah charmin' and attractive, but yoah also kind, and perceptive, and patient. Ah don't want you to ever think that Ah care about ya because Ah'm lookin' foah a good time. Ah care about you. Behind all the quips and secrecy." Ah put a hand on his chest, tentatively. "Inside. The real you. That's the person Ah want to know better."

His face became serious, and he placed one of his hands over mine on his chest, closing his eyes. We he opened them again, they smoldered, and his smile was warm enough to melt ice.

"So I'm charming and attractive?"

Ah ignored his attempt to lighten the moment. Ah didn't know when ah could get him here again. "Ya take mah breath away."

He sighed. "I know de feeling." He pulled me back in close to him, and foah maybe the first real time, Ah felt close to him. Ah sank into his arms without hesitation, wrappin' mine around his stomach.

Finally, he answered mah question. "De t'ing about t'ieving is dat its basically wrong, any way you look at it. When you do bad t'ings, you find yo'self taking a path to uddah bad t'ings. If you go too far, you become someone you never wanted to be. I don' want to go dat far. So I left, hoping dat good t'ings will have a way o' leading to a better life, even if it doesn' seem possible from where you started."

"How's that workin' foah ya?"

He kissed the top of mah head. "Better dan I expected."

The music played on, and he talked about New Orleans, his family, travelin' on his own, bein' an X-man. We ate and talked and laughed so long that the sun fell and the stars came out, and all the while his heart thrummed under mah ear until the sights and sounds and closeness lulled me into a surprised and happy sleep.

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