Red Skippy – Thank you for the compliment and for hanging around! I know my update rate has been deplorable lately, and it was great to see that you were still sticking around. We'll get there, I swear!
ultimateGambit – I am so sorry you had to read this whole thing through again – it is forever long! I hope you won't have to do it again this time, but I'm glad you're still enjoying. Some of those early chapters really make me cringe, but I hope it's gotten better as it goes. Thanks for reading and for your review.
SparklesInTheSun – lol – the tape marks are from Rogue's visit to New Orleans. Remember when he taped a sheet to the ceiling to make a partition since she was all shy about sharing room? I know, it's been so long ago and I suck at updating lately…So yes, to recap, Rogue knows about the Remy's past (at least with the massacre), but she's not sure how she feels about it yet. And I think you're onto me! I am trying to wrap this one up at some point, so it won't be a perpetual adventure. Thank you for reading!
Shandy – Thanks for keeping the faith! I've been writing this thing forever, I could never give up on it, just got to get better about making the time. And I know, these chapters where Remy and Rogue are separated are hard and I just wish they' get it together! But unfortunately perfect relationships are boring – we'll just have to see if they can work it out. Don't worry, Logan will strive to keep us entertained in the meantime.
Juno21 – Thank you for reading and for your review! I hope this latest chapter lives up to your expectations.
The Duplicitous One – By the way, love your screen name. Thanks for reading! I liked the word "captivating" – I'm flattered. I know, Remy is his most charming when he's his more confident self, but hardships are just opportunities to grow…I think I've given them ample opportunity, don't you? lol
Lurch2753 – Wow. Thank you so much for reading and your kind review! I had a great picture of you on your Blackberry at work (looks a lot like me trying to sneak in a few rounds of "words with friends" during a call blitz). I wish I was working for Marvel! But for now, I'm having a blast pretending. Hope you enjoy this latest piece.
Part 32: Arrival
It was cold and white. Empty and violent.
The scene should have been familiar from the danger room, but the adrenaline and reality emphasized the open space, stretchin' foah miles into a distant horizon of blazin' white. Every line was sharp and hard, outlinin' jagged shapes that did little to break up the barren landscape. The wind whipped furiously over the field of ice, searchin' in vain foah some obstruction on which to crash, screamin' it's frustration as it passed.
Visitin' Antarctica isn't like going to another country, it's like going to another planet.
Ah was hangin' onto Scott as he navigated over the frozen plain. Three other snowmobiles rode in close formation – Storm and Psylocke, Mystique and Pietro, and Hank with our equipment. We could only have been travelin' for a couple hours this way, but the light was constant; it gave no impression of time passin', and the empty, homogenous scene gave me the eerie impression we were actually standin' still.
Scott's voice came scratchin' into mah helmet yet again, "Comm 1, what's our current range?"
Wanda's voice replied immediately. "Sixty-seven miles remaining. On-time arrival is expected at current velocity. Continue south-south-east."
Ah had to hand it to her, she was certainly reliable. As rough as it was on a snowmobile foah the past few hours, it couldn't be easy to sit and stare at a screen foah that length of time without getting distracted. After having seen the tiny communications hub lined in cinderblocks - closer to a cell than a headquarters - ah couldn't help but admire her efficiency.
Nevertheless, another hour and half seemed dauntin'. The wind and motors didn't leave much room foah conversation, and there's no such thing as nappin' on a snowmobile. We were trapped behind our plexiglass helmets with nothin' but our thoughts foah company. Mah thoughts were neither comfortin' nor comfortable.
Ah had tried foah days to reach Logan as the mood around the mansion had grown moah and moah ominous and the day drew near. Ah had taken foah granted how much ah relied on Logan's solid nature when ah felt like the world was out of control. His temperament would make him seem unreliable, but to me, he was a good friend, and he was always there. He had been fit to be tied about us goin' on without him, so why the radio silence in the last few days?
And at the risk of sounding juvenile, things didn't feel right without Remy either, and ah needed Logan to tell me about him and make me feel like he wasn't so far way. Ah needed the time apart, but ah wished ah needed somethin' different, somethin' that would have been easier. Ah didn't trust mahself not to hurt him, and ah could barely live with the hurt ah'd already done. At the very least, ah had to know which feelings were really mine. Ah didn't want Marrow's venom using mah words as an outlet, or even worse, Caliban's compulsive violence. There is no textbook or support group in place for how to handle discoverin' the other half of your soul is covered in lies, secrets, and blood. The lack of control that had been mah crux from the very beginnin' had finally succeeded in drivin' us apart, and somewhere under the puzzle in mah head was moah than one broken heart.
There wasn't really a good excuse for spyin' on him – ah should have had the strength to live with all or nothin', but sadly ah didn't. Logan's updates were frustratingly undetailed and less than encouraging, but it was better than nothin': until they stopped.
But that last night, when we all went to our rooms knowin' we wouldn't sleep, ah spent a long time starin' at the ceiling, tryin' to organize mah thoughts, clear out everythin' except what ah needed to complete the mission - expel any fears, doubts or loose ends. There would be no room foah anything but a soldier. As some of the fog began to dissipate, the small, achin' need grew larger.
Finally ah shot out of the bed, grabbed mah cell phone, and dialed the number befoah the moment of clarity passed or mah courage failed. Ah held mah breath as the dull ringing began, tensing for the relief of hearing his voice. Once….twice…three times….four
Ah hung up when the beep of the voicemail came on and dialed back immediately, not sure why ah thought mah chances would be any better. Again, the beep of the voicemail. Ah shut the phone and swallowed an unforgiveable lump in mah throat. When Ah left for Antarctica, mah last memory would be of him drivin' away, and of knowin' it was mah fault. And even in the haze of confusion and conflict, ah knew that was wrong – ah wanted more.
Ah dialed back one last time without hope. When the beep of the voicemail came up, ah tried to make mah voice sound calm.
"Hi Remy. It's me. Ah was hopin' to catch you befoah we take off tomorrow, but ah guess yoah in bed or out someplace loud, " it made me a smile a bit to imagine which was moah likely true. " Look, um…ah know we haven't talked, but ah wanted to let you know that Ah'm thinkin' about ya, and hope yoah enjoyin' the time with yoah family. And voicemail probably isn't the best way to tell you that but….anyway, ah'll call ya when we get back. And….ah miss you. So, ah guess that's all then. Bye. "
Ah felt like an idiot as ah hung up, but better. It felt like there was moah of a reason to come back. And that gave me the last nudge of motivation ah needed to commit to the road up ahead.
The trip wasn't much of a tale. Everyone kept the mood light, but the doubts showed through in nervous laughter and awkward pauses. The best access point was from the Amery Ice Shelf on the east side of the continent. The Australians had one of the few coveted hard landing strips for the Blackbird and the chartered DASH-7, and our centrally-located destination was as convenient to the bases there as anywhere. First we headed over to Australia, which worked out because there's nothing like a 30 hour flight to dull one's senses.
We spent three days in Perth, and though almost everyone was itching to get out and see the wild continent befoah we headed off to the icy one, we spent the entire time in a series of briefings with special committees from the UN to ensure that we had the equipment and know-how to complete the mission. They stressed that this was a reconnaissance effort only, and that we would be reportin' back with any findings immediately so they could determine if future action was merited. Ah fought not to roll mah eyes. If it weren't foah the fact that the Professor was able to personally finance our little expedition, they'd just as soon do nothin'. Still, we needed to convince them that we would be good little muties so we could at least have the chance to look foah the missin' ones. From the clenched fists and tight expressions around the table, ah knew ah wasn't the only one tryin' to bite mah tongue.
Finally, we headed down and landed at the Amery airstrip, where we were quickly packed up and herded off to the camp. To our great disappointment, the researchers there had another briefin' for us, this one even less comprehendable than the ones in Perth. Hank alone took studious notes as they relayed information about weather patterns, gear, and the importance of not compromising the primary function of the camp as a scientific research center. Ah had to kick Jubilee under the table to keep her awake.
They gave us a tour of the small facility including the communications center, and then showed us to our temporary quarters: two rooms littered with cots and a closet each. It felt appropriately like a barracks. At long last, they left us on our own.
As the door closed behind the last of the outsiders, there was a moment of tense silence. The professor cleared his throat, and the adrenaline hit in full force as we all realized the same thing: this would be our last time together as a full group. Our missions started in earnest in the mornin'.
He addressed Magneto first, "I would like once again to express my profound appreciation to you and your team, Erik. This effort would simply not be possible without your assistance. I know that we work on a temporary truce and there is no lack of hostility between us, but it does me twice good to know that some ghost of our former friendship remains, and that true justice overcomes the most severe conflicts of ideology."
Magneto stood with his usual kingly heir. "Ideology and idealism are two different things Charles. Everyone here wants your imaginary world of kindness and cooperation to exist, only some of us recognize that the nature of man makes that world an absolute impossibility. It is my hope that this experience may lead you, or at least some of you, to awaken to that reality. It is not a malicious desire, only an understanding that if you could for a moment let go of a perfect world, we could all work together, as friends, as we are now, to establish the best possible world. Mutants should enjoy fellowship and brotherhood, and though our situation may prove temporary, we are proud to join you in your efforts to rescue our own. " At this last, Erik clasped the Professor's forearm, and they shared a silent moment that would have seemed almost tender but for the fact that we were watching two titans.
"Thank you. Now if you would be kind enough to permit me to speak to my children for a moment?"
Erik nodded, and the Brotherhood left the room, no doubt eager to have a moment to be among themselves.
"My X-men," the Professor began, and took a long pause to look at each of us individually. When his sharp blue eyes fell on me, ah straightened mah shoulders, wantin' to show him that ah was ready. He smiled in a way that was almost sad. "The most difficult thing about being your leader is actually asking you to be X-men. Sending even one of you into danger sets a terrible weight upon me. Yet the world we live in does not allow me to use you sparingly. If there had been anyone else, I would rather have saved you this task. I know how very much it is to ask you, and believe me there is no one here more affected by our situation than myself. And of course I would know," he tapped his temple, and we all grinned, like a bunch of kids at camp with our favorite counselor.
After the brief levity, his face set hard, eyes alight with intensity. We unconsciously inched closer to hear his next words. "But let me reassure you: if there were one person here in who's ability, courage, and preparedness I lacked confidence, we would not be here. If even one of you could not be trusted to persevere even against remarkable odds, we would depart at this moment, task undone. But the truth is, as much as I may think of many of you as my own children – and believe me, I am old enough – you are not children."
He leaned forward, grippin' the arms of his chair, his voice sure. "You are X-men. You are the measure to which all other mutants must hold themselves, and I can never express how seeing you all here makes me overcome with pride. This was my dream for years, seeming unreachable even to me at times. And yet here you are, in this moment, in this place. This is the moment in which you show yourselves more than every before to be heroes. You have come willingly, selflessly, thanklessly, to the aid of mutants who's future was beyond all hope. Believe in yourselves. Believe in each other. And believe that there is nothing here that can overcome you."
His next words were still for all of us, but his gaze settled only on Scott. "And one of the greatest reasons to take courage is in your leadership. The task I set before Scott is more difficult than any other – I give him responsibility not only for your success, but to bring you safely through every battle, every hardship. The reason he is thusly appointed is because he is utterly capable. When it comes to tactical calm, strategic decision-making, and survival instincts, there is no one superior. Those of you who leave tomorrow, you leave in capable hands. Scott has my full confidence: respect and follow him. And come back safe."
Wordlessly, he yielded charge of us over to Scott, who now took up the floor.
"Ok team. Until we get on the plane to leave this place, we are X-men and X-men only. It's vital that we have full focus, that we give this our all. Whatever our situation was back home, whoever here is your best friend, your worst enemy, "and his eyes cast meaningfully on Jean "or the love of your life, here they are strictly your teammate. We are relying on one another as we go into a situation we know nothing about. You are trusting the person beside you with your life, and them you. Be trustworthy."
You'd think we'd all be used to the pre-mission pep talk, but this time every word put a little moah salt in mah spirit, made me stand a little straighter, and put mah head where it needed to be. If the Professor was helpin' behind the scenes, ah was honestly ok with it.
Scott continued, "I won't keep you here much longer. It's important we rest as much as we can – we'll need to be fully alert tomorrow. But as you're preparing yourself for the day ahead of us, I would ask that you take some time to remember why we are doing this. Remember being in the garage and hearing that horrible noise, waiting in fear to see if they would drop the building on us. Remember those big hunks of metal that dragged innocent people screaming from the streets. Remember that those people may just be alive, but even if they aren't, we owe it to mutants everywhere to find out what happened and make sure it never happens again. And yes, even it means breaching protocol with our hesitant friends in international politics. Let's be clear, I'm not encouraging anyone to act out in defiance, but what they don't understand is that this is personal. "
We nodded furiously, enjoying the cathartic relief of the validation. These were our people, and we were going to take care of it, with or without anyone's say-so.
We dispersed to spend the night in closely packed cots, one room foah us ladies, one foah the gentlemen. The close quarters were uncomfortable all the way around, especially if you happen to have a skin condition that kills. Ah chose a spot against the wall and no one argued. But mah new shadow, Jubilee, came and plopped herself down on the bed right next to mine, suddenly invigorated.
"Can you believe we're seriously in Antarctica? I am so jealous that you get to go out first. Maybe they'll at least let the rest of us out to explore, this base is the pits."
"Ah don't know Jubes, seems like we're on a pretty tight leash here."
"You're not scared of the dweebs in camo are you? Pssh, I could have taken those guys out by myself and I'm just a second stringer!"
"Yoah not second string, hell Colossus and Magneto will be runnin' with ya. But hopefully we'll just find a lot of rock and ice and then go sightseein', no need foah any dramatics."
Jubilee paused, her voice unusually grave. "You know, for once I hope so too."
Ah had only been half payin' attention, but ah focused back in with a smile. "Yoah not worried are you? This is just like any other mission. The big wigs get everyone all worked up, we go out, ignore the plan, and everything ends up fine."
"Yeah we've gotten pretty good at step 3."
"Ah'm just glad Bobby's not on mah team. Can you imagine how horrible his puns will be considerin' where we are?"
Her face twisted up "Ugh! Just kill me now why don'tcha?"
"Well look at it this way – maybe he can finally get it out of his system on this trip and we can live in peace from now on."
"Yeah, right," she rolled her eyes, "and maybe Scott will grow a sense of humor."
Ah smiled, and then added seriously, "Just do me a favor – if foah some reason you guys get called out, and ah'm aimin' foah that not happen, stick close to Colossus and stay away from Sabretooth, ok?"
She nodded dismissively. Jubilee doesn't really like people worryin' about her, but it needed to be said.
"Well, I guess you probably need your rest. Sorry I'm just starting to feel a little cooped up and everyone else here treats me like I'm eight and ride the short bus."
Ah smiled, "Not a problem. Yoah good company, really. You distract me from thinkin' too much."
"Which you do all the time."
"It's a hobby."
Everyone else was pretty well settled in, and Jean pointedly shut out the light. We needed to be alert tomorrow, but if she really expected us to sleep on a cot, in the common room of a research station in Antarctica, the night befoah a mission, then the stress really was gettin' to her.
We laid quietly in the dark, which was startin' to feel familiar. After a few minutes, Jubilee whispered, her voice quiverin' just a little. "Do you think we can do this? …I have no idea what I'm doing here."
Ah waited a minute befoah answerin'. She wanted reassurance, but she wasn't just some kid: she was a member of the team, and deserved an honest answer.
"Ah don't know, but we'll find out tomorrow. We've been trained, we're ready. We're the X-men, and there are people out there countin' on us. There is no one else if we can't."
"But we don't even know who we're up against, and the machines were bad enough. What if there are more of them?"
"If there are, then it's that much more important that we stop them. There has to be justice, Jubes. You can't just erase a bunch of mutants and face no consequences. Would you rather stand by and wait for those things to show up at the school?"
She didn't answer foah a while. "I'm scared."
"Sometimes that's not a bad thing. Use it. Let it make you better, more aware, more cautious. And just remember that none of us are in this alone."
"It's being the second team that kills me. It'd be one thing if I was the first one out, but if something happens to you guys...I mean if you can't do it what are we supposed to do? It'd be heading out knowing you're not gonna make it."
Ah sat up and punched her in the arm. "If you don't think you can take it when the times comes, then stay behind. No one will stop you. But I don't want to hear any more bull about anyone not making it. You keep tellin' us yoah not just some kid, that you can do anything we can do. This is yoah big chance. Prove it."
She rolled over and tugged her covers around her. Mad. Good. Jubilee was moah productive angry than scared. And ah couldn't bear to think of leavin' her here alone and afraid. Alone and angry was easier. Logan asked me take care of her, this was the best ah could do.
A last thought occurred to me. "And in the meantime, just you think long and hard about what happened last time you faced those machines. If ah remember correctly, somebody held them single-handedly when Wolverine was taken out of commission."
She didn't answer. Ah closed mah eyes, willin' mahself to refocus. Ah took mah own advice and let mahself fall back into the day that had put us on this path. Mah mind called forth an image of a long steel tentacle flyin' towards me, wrappin' around mah face, cold and alien. The weight of the garage pressed down heavily, and the first pang of panic set in as ah realized ah had no way to fight back. Then a blur of brown leather and pink explosions streamed into view, and ah knew everything was going to be ok.
Miraculously, ah fell asleep.
The mornin' was all business. Food, pack, and ship out. Now we just had to get where we were goin'.
"Comm 1, what's our current range?"
Usually someone would have given Scott sass by now foah his military precision, but today we all just waited patiently foah the answer.
"Thirty-two miles remaining. On time arrival expected at current velocity. Twenty-mile alert will be issued, use extreme caution and investigate any apparent disturbances. Please execute individual check-in to ensure all communication modules are functioning properly at this distance."
Scott began the roll call. We all confirmed that two-way communication was in place. It seemed only seconds later that the 20-mile alert was given, and even though the situation wasn't at all funny, ah had to stifle a giggle. There was absolutely nothin' to see. Everythin' here was an endless stretch of the same, and with all the harsh lines left by the wind scratchin' at snow, and the angry lookin' rocks juttin' out of the earth, who would notice a disturbance?
Still we scanned our surroundings diligently, all of us exhausted of the tension and hopin' to find somethin' that would get this whole show on the road. As much as it would be a relief foah us to come back empty handed, it would mean a cold case foah the 400 missing mutants.
Wanda alerted us again when we were in 10 mile range, then 5. Everyone's heads were swivellin' furiously to see somethin', anythin', but we sought in vain. At long last, we arrived at the coordinates Hank had pulled from the downed Sentinel's guidance system. The snowmobiles came to a halt, and we dismounted stiffly.
Hank set to work unloading equipment to see if maybe there was something here we couldn't detect. Mystique, ever-talented with technology, set about helping him. Pietro took off to investigate the perimeter, two miles out. He'd be back in a few minutes. Scott and Betsy began ground surveillance, and 'Ro and I took cautiously to the wind foah aerial surveillance.
The icy gusts buffeted us about, but our suits protected us from the worst of it. We stuck close together so Storm could spare us the worst of the gales, but as we flew we a saw nothin'. After about 30 minutes, 'Ro came over the comm line "Does anyone have a suggestion as to where we should focus our search?"
Scott replied "Hank, we don't have any visual disturbances, are you getting anything on the readers?"
Hank's voice sounded incredulous, "The readings so far are normal. I'm still conducting my research, please be patient."
We waited another 30 minutes, but mah eyes were startin' to glaze over from seein' the same pieces of empty. Finally the base called in.
"Cyclops, please report your status."
His voice was blank, "We have reached location and dispersed to observe. At this time there is nothing to report. We are continuing to survey the area."
The feelin' of defeat started to creep in. All the trainin', all the speeches were foah this? We renewed our efforts to search, but this time with moah desperation than hope. We searched foah another hour, in vain.
Hank came in "Perhaps we should continue our search by moving outward out on a grid pattern. It's possible there may be more information to uncover in the surrounding area."
"Which direction do you suggest we start?" Scott's voice was flat. This would be stabbin' blind, and we all knew it. Ro' and ah started our descent to discuss our next, less confident steps, when a strange thing happened – a crag caught mah eye.
At first ah thought ah might be delirious, but they did say to investigate anythin' and everythin'. Ah headed off to take a closer look. It was only a few hundred yards off. Ah landed and went in foah a closer look. Ah ran mah gloves over the surface of the rock, checkin' foah anythin' unnatural or out of the ordinary, if anythin' in Antarctica can be called ordinary, but it looked just like any other rock.
Ah stared at it hard, tryin' to determine what had caught mah attention. But there was nothin' remarkable about it at all. It stood about 30 feet tall, gray with white and pink veins, patches of ice.
"Storm, can ah get a second pair of eyes?"
Ah didn't realize it, but conversation had stopped to watch mah progress. Storm hurried over.
"What am I looking for?"
"Ah don't know, anything that stands out."
She scoured over the surface with as much care as ah had, usin' her eyes and hands to try and perceive any unusual characteristic. Betsy joined us, surveying around the bottom of the structure, and Hank came over using his various equipment to scan.
After about 20 minutes, ah started to get frustrated. Somethin' had caused me to check into this thing, but ah couldn't put mah finger on what it was. The excitement faded quickly as we started to realize this was another dead end.
"I am sorry Rogue, there doesn't seem to anything out of the ordinary."
"Mah mistake, don't know what caught mah eye."
We started wanderin' back toward the snowmobiles in defeat, empty-handed. Cyclops radioed in, "Request to return to base. Recommend additional expeditions to search surrounding areas."
"Request granted. Approximate distance 148 miles. Arrival estimated in 3.5 hours." Even Wanda's voice sounded a little deflated.
"All right team, I know this wasn't exactly what we were looking for, but it's a good start. We reached our destination without incident, and we have the first of the findings to evaluate back at camp. We'll keep searching. We'll let B-team use a fresh set of eyes tomorrow. There's something here, we just have to find it."
We all hoped he was right, but day one wasn't very encouragin'.
By the time we got back to camp, ah was freezin' cold and cranky to boot. We took turns takin' hot showers, but the chill felt like it had settled deep into yoah bones, where nothin' could ever get it out again.
B-team went out the next day, and we listened anxiously foah any reports as they scoured the same area near Hank's coordinates. The air of drama was down somewhat after yesterday's underwhelmin' outcome, and ah had asked Jubilee if she would take another look at the crag. Frankly it was the only thing that really stuck with me about the scene.
We took turns botherin' Toad foah updates from the comm. line, and checkin' in with Hank as he studied the samples, readings, and photographs from our previous expedition. It was a long and slow day. Even the Professor was startin' to show signs of impatience.
Our hearts sank as B-team radioed to come back in, empty-handed as we had been. Magneto's voice carried in enough frustration to give you chills.
Once B-team returned, the leadership team had a meetin' to discuss next strategy. They went behind closed doors, but the facility wasn't really designed for sound-proofin'. That and we were all tryin' to hear some explanation of our thus-far-failure and so we could get on the right track.
"It's not as if we're searching a city where 400 people might be a needle in a haystack. We're searching through the most barren place on the planet. An operation of a necessary size for large scale abduction should leave noticeable traces." Magneto's voice was drippin' with accusation.
"And what exactly do you suggest then?" Scott was simple as always, but his firm tone held a subtle warnin'.
Mystique was unimpressed by the apparent display. "Let's state the obvious shall we? Your amateur scientist pulled some information out of a badly damaged search unit, and translated a programming language with which he was completely unfamiliar. The theory was flawed from the start, and we're wasting time and resources here while the trail goes cold. Exactly how long are we going to be led by the blind?"
"Your assault on Beast's qualification is baseless. He is one of the most qualified men on the planet to conduct this research."
"If that's your level of confidence, feel free to wheel yourself out there and have a look."
The sound of a chair sliding across the floor alerted us that Scott had stood in a hurry. "That kind of attitude is unproductive and unprofessional. If you can't actually contribute to a leadership conversation, you can take a hike."
"Careful, you'll hurt my feelings."
"Mystique perhaps lacks some diplomacy, but her point is valid. At this point we continue by searching aimlessly on an inhospitable continent, when all of the evidence points to a flawed supposition. Exactly how long are you planning on entertaining this idea?"
"This is a search effort," the Professor's voice rang in calmly, but with some tension. "If any of us were expecting our objective to be complete within a few hours of searching, then that was simply naïve. It could be several weeks before we find anything. The information we have is not ideal, but it's the best we've got at present. We must keep looking. We can't possibly give up after two days."
"We also can't stay here indefinitely."
"We have run of the base for 30 days. I suggest we use each and every one of them."
"You can't really intend on keeping us here a month finding nothing?"
"On the contrary," and here the Professor's voice took a bitin' edge, "You can leave at any time and we will respect your decision. We will continue without your aid, provided you can manage your own way back. Our team has already incurred enough expense for this opportunity between training, travel, and research. But we understand if you find the work too exhausting."
There was a long pause. Ah held mah breath a little, hearin' that thinly veiled animosity from a man who seemed perpetually calm.
"Very well, Charles." Magnet's voice was placatin'. "Perhaps the disappointment has us all a bit on edge. We will continue for now. But I think it wise that you consider alternatives should our efforts continue to prove futile."
The plan was to widen our nets. We set out again the next day, and the second round on the snowmobiles had us all a little saddle-sore by the time we arrived. We were less hesitant now, our nameless fear now seemin' like a silly dream. We were searchin' foah clues now, not so much people. We scoured the rocks and snow drifts, Storm and ah took aerial photos foah analysis back at base. We did our jobs flawlessly, and yet at the end of the day were no better off foah our efforts.
Now we were startin' to get bored. Hank trudged off to the back room to study our samples, but without the thrill of new discovery he starts to wilt a little. The rest of us started to notice just how scant our accommodations were, and wondered how we would ever pass the coming weeks trapped in this tiny space with nothin' to do and no cable. How did these scientists hack it foah months out here without goin' nuts?
Once B-team went back out the next mornin' the cabin fever really started to set in. It would be hours befoah they even reached the next patch of nothin'. So, we started messin' with each other.
Betsy rummaged through 'Ro's bag to see whether she had conditioner. 'Ro was not amused, and some heated words were tossed around befoah they stalked off to take bunks at opposite ends of the room like feisty teenagers. Sabretooth challenged Colossus to a fight over the last porkchop MRE (army ration), and when he refused insulted his masculinity in a crude and Sabretooth like way. Uncharacteristically, Colossus jumped at the bait. Magneto pushed him back against the wall and Mystique talked Victor down. Scott let his macho side get the better of him when Pietro tried to flirt with Jean, and she turned off their depth perceptions foah 15 minutes. Ah thought it was an interestin' concept of time out as they stumbled around knockin' into things. Worst of all, Toad started tracking the days here like we were in prison – only instead of carvin' tick marks into the wall, he used his trademark mutation: bright green wads of spit. The scientists were not impressed, but not brave enough to do anything about it. It's not that Toad is all that intimidatin', he's just creepy and gross enough to ward folks off just the same.
Bein' out was hard, but it was definitely preferable to bein' stuck inside. When a sudden storm kept us all home bound foah two days, the Professor had to reinstitute trainin' just to give us some kinda outlet from bein' at one another's throats. We went out in shifts in our heaviest gear, scufflin' in the snow and practicin' maneuvers. Ah noticed that people weren't pullin' their punches anymore when Mystique sent Betsy tumblin' head over heels with one kick. Normally we would have cried foul and let leadership handle it, but everyone was too geared up to care and the exercise rapidly disintegrated into an all out brawl. Bishop launched an energy blast at Blob, which was somethin' he'd mentioned he was curious about earlier. It didn't work, and Blob gave him a punishin' blow foah tryin'. Toad's tongue flew out at Bobby and he froze it to the wall of the base. Foah mah part, it felt good to let Sabretooth's face eat some of mah frustration, but it was less funny when he slung me over his head by mah hair. The episode was brief – as usual Scott stepped in to be responsible and ruin the fun, blastin' at the X-men with an order to stand down. Still, the event improved moods considerably foah a few hours.
We were startin' to give it less than our all in the field – we now expected to find nothin' when we went out, but we stayed out and searched as long as we could anyway. If the mutants had ever been here, they certainly weren't here now. There was still a slight chance we could find some clue as to where they went.
A-team was packin' up after another unsuccessful expedition. Scott was recountin' in his captain's log the notes of the day, coordinates and area searched, readings and samples taken, which piece of the grid we were on, etc. At the end of the day, we would still have to report our efforts. If we were gonna find nothin' we at least needed to validate the fact that we tried.
Since the wind and weather was some version of cooperative ah was up takin' some last minute aerial photos. Ah turned around to get a final shot of the perimeter when somethin' caught mah eye – a shape in the distance. Ah stopped dead in mah tracks, not wantin' to charge off again on a wild goose chase. Ah stared long and hard at the shape, tryin' to figure out what exactly had mah instincts all stirred up. Ah couldn' put mah finger on it.
"Rogue, we're packing it in." Scott's voice was flat, but not as heavily laden with disappointment – like ah said, we no longer expected to find much.
"Wait please. Ah need a minute."
"What is it?" Mystique's voice was moah irritated than curious.
Ah stared and stared, feelin' frustrated. There was somethin', surely there was somethin' to this. But the longer ah stared, the moah it looked like just a rock in the distance.
Finally, heavin' a sigh, ah landed. "Nothin'. Nevermind."
Hanks' voice held a glimmer of hope. "Rogue, if you think there's something worth investigating…?"
"Nope. Got nothin'."
Ah was gnashin' mah teeth the whole ride back. Was ah delirious now? Somethin' in mah basic makeup just loved a good rock?
But as we rode ah had an idea – maybe the Professor could help with this one. There was clearly somethin' grabbin' mah attention that ah couldn't identify, but with his help maybe we could simplify it down into somethin' understandable.
Ah approached him as soon as we got back to camp, wantin' validation if nothin' else. He looked tired as he reviewed the maps to plot our next course.
"Professor?"
He looked up and smiled, but it wasn't one of his most convincin' efforts. "Yes Rogue, what can I do for you?"
"Sorry if ah've caught you at a bad time, it can wait a bit ah guess. You have been on the radio all day."
"Not at all. I think these eyes could use a break anyhow. Is there something on your mind?"
Ah pulled up a chair. "It could be cabin fever or wishful thinkin', but twice now ah've been out in the field and somethin' has suddenly grabbed mah attention without me knowin' why. The first time it was just a big rock, and the whole team searched but couldn't find anythin', and then this last time ah saw a shape in the distance, probably another stupid rock, and again ah couldn't figure out what was so special about it."
He shrugged "We are in a very strange place after all. It can give one a sense of otherworldliness, jumping at shadows-,"
"It's not like that."
He cocked his head to one side, givin' me his full attention. "What is it like then?"
Ah took a deep breath and paused, thinkin' of some way to express what ah meant. He waited patiently.
"It's kinda like…well, have you ever run into somebody and recognized their face? And you kinda stand there goin 'Ah know that person, but ah have no idea what their name is or where ah know them from'?"
"Certainly, though I have ways of unraveling those mysteries for myself rather easily." He smiled.
"But that's just it, ah think maybe if you'll take a look at what ah'm talkin' about you might be able to tell me whether ah'm bein' crazy or not."
He raised both eyebrows. "You want me to look at your thoughts?"
"Just these," ah warned.
He considered for a moment. "I can try if you are willing, but please understand that your mind is more difficult to navigate than most – it's difficult for me to target pinpoints of thought, I have to search through the strand."
"Yoah mutation, yoah methods."
He nodded. "Very well. Just try to relax and think about what you saw and how you felt. "
"Can do." Ah'd only been obsessin' about it foah the past several hours.
He wheeled in close and reached out one hand, lettin' it hover near mah temple. Ah closed mah eyes so it wouldn't make me nervous. If ah ever absorbed the professor ah think it'd be the end of everythin'.
Ah forced mahself to think of that first day, the adrenaline as we raced over the snow wonderin' what we would find, our disappointment, and then that little burst of alertness as the rock jumped out.
"Stay there." He said softly.
Ah focused, thinkin' of the exact texture, shape, and height of the rock. A froze mah mind's eye in the air above it. Unnervingly, ah saw the Professor below me, approachin' the rock and examinin' it himself. He quickly reached the same conclusion we had: nothin' to it.
One of mah legs started bouncin' as ah got frustrated again. "Rogue, relax. I wanted to make sure I understood what you saw, and now I do. Next, I'm going to examine your thoughts and see what caused the reaction. Be patient with me, it's been a long day."
Ah opened mah eyes long enough to smile sheepishly, and then closed them again, goin' back to that moment. The image suddenly got a slight blur, like it was vibratin'. The psychic stuff never gets less weird.
All at once ah felt a strange jolt, like bein' shocked with a live wire. Mah eyes shot open and ah clutched mah head. The professor grunted, obviously also affected. "I'm sorry – you have….a scar of sorts. I didn't realize. Let me try more gently."
Ah nodded, tryin' not to let it shake me. This time the image didn't vibrate, but seemed to undulate like a picture floatin' on water.
"What are you lookin' foah?"
"The source of this thought. It should be simple to find – response is always linked to stimulus - but I'm having trouble pinpointing it. It really does seem to come out of nowhere, but you're right, it's not like it's imaginary or self-deluded."
"Gee thanks."
He chuckled. "I meant that in the textbook sense of the term, of course. Why don't you think of the moment from today? Perhaps it will be easier to see a link between the two."
Noddin', ah directed mah thoughts toward that shape on the horizon, mah agitation as ah tried to pull some meanin' out of it. The professor took a deep breath, and then ah saw a proection of him float out through the air in front of me, toward the rock in the distance. It gave me chills.
"Sorry. Sometimes the easiest way to find more detail is to use my own eyes. Just a little trick I've learned over the years."
"How do you ever get used to this?"
"I haven't. It's completely different each time I use it, because each mind is different. It wasn't really the control that was difficult for me, thankfully. It was overcoming my often unwelcome curiosity, finding some way of living with my abilities without being a perpetual intruder."
"But hey, at least no one can lie to you."
"Of course they can, people can lie to themselves can't they? You'd be surprised how often I find various conflicting versions of events all locked within a single mind."
Without me meanin' to, Remy came to mind, and with him Marrow and Caliban. Ah felt somethin' like the snap of a rubber band as the Professor snatched his consciousness out of mine, holdin' his ears.
"Ah'm so sorry, are you all right?"
He straightened up, willin' himself to relax and smiled reassuringly. "You can just be quite loud sometimes."
Ah sighed, "Tell me about it."
"It actually makes it a bit worse when you try not to think about it."
"Should ah try not to try not to think about it?"
"Now there's a brain teaser. I could try to turn them down a bit you know, but either way I'm afraid they won't lessen by being ignored."
"You can tell which one is me?"
He shook his head. "Not so much. You're very difficult to latch onto. But I can tell which ones are not you. Counter-intuitive, I know." His eyes lit up. "Wait a moment, maybe that's an idea. Think again of the incident from today."
He came back into mah mind, but this time it was just a feelin'. Ah didn't see anythin' but the rock in the distance. This time Ah had a strange feelin' like the kind you get when you miss a stair in the dark.
The professor's eyes shot open, "Rogue, this isn't your thought." Both hands flew up on either side of mah face and his eyes sparked with intensity. "This is something you've absorbed from someone else."
Ah didn't know whether to be thrilled with the progress or maddened by the continual interference.
"That explains the scar. You absorbed this forcibly in Sinister's lab, from Vertigo."
Mah breath came up short at the memory of her thoughts floodin' me out, erasin' me from existence. Just befoah mach chest started to tighten, a wave of calm washed over me like a sedative.
"I'm sorry. It's not my place. I just can't stand it."
Momentarily euphoric, ah smiled. "Ah don't mind. That's one feelin' ah can do without. Hell maybe you can just turn 'em all off and all mah worries will be over."
The calm started to fade down. "I would never do that. That would be erasing you. Now, where were we?"
With a gentle nudge, we went back one last time, and ah felt waves of triumph as the Professor had an epiphany.
"And there it is."
"What? What did you find?"
"The shape you saw today was the same rock you saw on the first day, just at a distance. Rogue, what you are recognizing is a landmark."
Ah shook mah head, tryin' to understand. "What does that mean?"
"It means," his voice full of excitement "That you know where we need to go. You're the map."
17