Chapter 35: Status Update
The Cooper Gang (minus Bentley) meet right by a lake in the valley a distance away from the main battles going on to give a status update.
Sly: Alright! How's everyone doing?
Carmelita: Defeated, but not sure if I killed my Police car captor with Bumblebee….wow! I never thought I'd say anything like that!
Sly: Fits your feisty attitude. Kinda turns me on.
Carm: Decepticon snuff? Really? Get a hold of yourself, Ringtail!
Dimitri: I slap'd a Jetbot in da face.
Panda King: I am sure I actually killed one. He barely felt like a challenge to an opponent many times smaller than his size.
Dimitri: (Groans jealousy)
Murray: Haven't taken out any Decepticons yet, but I am very proud of my son for braving up, saving that copter and then absolutely demolishing that tank guy!
Everyone gives him a look of confusion and concern.
Sly: Has Prime gone into the Lair yet?
Carm: I don't think so.
Sly: We should go in there with him….or at least I should…
Carm: Sly, no!
Dimitri: (Scoffs) Count me out!
Panda King: This Mighty Megatron I have heard of sounds like a noble challenge.
Sly: Has anyone heard from Ratchet? I don't know if he's gotten Bentley to a Medical Center or not. One seems pretty far away in these parts.
Murray: Nope. Have heard nothing, but I'm sure he'll be fine. Hey, has anyone seen Coopercus?
They all hear rumbling and see Lugnut, still amputated from the portal incident, tumbling down the mountain and stopping right in front of them.
Sly: REALLY!? THIS GUY AGAIN!?
Lugnut: Just because I have lost my arm with my P.O.K.E. attack does not mean I cannot decemate you all and prove my worthiness to my great and GLORIOUS-!
He gets cut off when Panda King and Murray attack and shoot at him in the legs. At the same time, Coopercus drifts around in his Van mode and races to Lugnut, transforming, jumping and punching him in the face. When Lug is down, Coop takes out his weapons and attacks anywhere on his shoulder.
Lugnut: I can still crush you with….(Groans)!
He struggles to get up. Coop is ready to attack him once more but…
Sly: Hold on Buddy! I'm starting to like this guy. We should leave him. (Semi-imitating Carmelita) I'll get you next time, Lugnut!
Carmelita gives him an unapproving look as the group walk back to the Autobot-Decepticon battle that's starting to get pretty intense now, leaving the weak Lugnut to sit there.
Lugnut: THIS ISN'T OVER YOU PUNNY BADGER BURGLAR PIECE OF ORGANIC SCRAP!
Sly: Hey Carm. Does Interpol ever assign you any missions like this?
Carm: No. Again, my bigger concern is how I'm gonna explain this to them.
Sly: Are you? Or at least the parts that involve me and us fighting in a big transformer war?
Carm: Probably not.
As the group run back into the warzone, they hear what seems to be the chuffling of a steam locomotive.
Sly: Guys, am I just hearing things or is that chuffing of a steam loco? Don't see any tracks around here?
Suddenly, the gang spot a huge steam engine fastly approaching them. A black, white and purple JNR Class D51 to be precise. As it quickly approaches, the group run the other direction, but Optimus and Bulkhead jump in front of it and hold it back.
Optimus: Astrotrain! Show yourself!
Sly: Is he like, y'know, Thomas the Tank Engine?
The locomotive transforms into a humongous Decepticon. Not as big as Devastator, yet still quite threatening looking.
Bulkhead: More like Thomas the Very Pissed Off Engine!
Sly: I'm suddenly expecting the dirty voice of George Carlin to come out of his mouth.
Astrotrain: None of you have a chance against me!
Ironhide and Grimlock jump in to assist, the former charging up his arm cannons.
Ironhide: Wanna bet, Astro Boy?
Astrotrain: (Screams) ASTROTRAIN!
Grimlock: (Yells) ME GRIMLOCK KICK SPACE SHUTTLE REARHOLE!
Murray: Space Shuttle?
The huge Decepticon uses all of his artillery on all four of the strongest Autobots, but can't take down any. He transforms into his Space Shuttle mode in hopes of getting shots at them from above ground, but as he charges forward to take off, Optimus and Grimlock use their Energon axe and Sword to jump onto and dent into his wings, holding onto them as he takes off.
Sly: I don't know what the absolute hell is happening anymore.
Carm: Yo tampoco.
Astrotrain feels Optimus and Grimlock on his wings who are shooting at him while still holding on. The Shuttle is still trying to stay straight until Springer in his Copter mode launches a bunch of artillery at him, causing him to spin out of control. Prime and Grim leap off of Astrotrain and land from a distance right before Astrotrain crashes to the ground, causing a big explosion.
Grimlock: This be proof that me Grimlock be Autobot king!
Optimus: In your dreams, Grimlock.
CURRENT AUTOBOT STATUS
Ratchet: Still rushing Bentley to any Medical Center he can find.
Blurr: Down and heavily injured legs, but still online (TF term for alive).
Prowl: Still protecting and covering Blurr, not planning to move.
CURRENT DECEPTICON STATUS
Astrotrain, Brawl and Dirge: Killed
Shadow Striker: Blinded, but is lying on the ground still online.
Thundercracker: Playing dead on the ground unconfident his faction will win the fight.
Lugnut: Left just to sit weak by the lake.
Despite Megatron's claims of a bigger army, the Autobots are somehow gaining the upper hand with the help of the Cooper Gang.