Author's Note: Title comes, of course, from Nathan's beautiful response when Elizabeth says, "Thank you for being there for me" (S9ep12). His one-word answer, "Always," still rings as one of his best lines ever and one of the greatest testaments to his abiding love for her, even when he thought she was lost to him. In my imagination, that one word becomes a mantra that Nathan would often repeat to Elizabeth, emphasizing just how completely he belongs to her no matter what may come.
This story is set in canon post Season 11. For this author's purposes, please imagine the last minute of the S11 finale didn't happen – no Superintendent Hargraves, no mysterious news about Jack. Given there were 5 episodes after Elizabeth told Tom in episode 7 that school was out for the summer, I'm going to assume the end of the season took us to late summer/early fall. So this story picks up soon after, let's say within a few weeks of Mike & Mei's wedding, and a new school term has just recently started. Allie is 15, and Little Jack will be 6 this coming Christmas Eve, so he's now one of Elizabeth's students also.
CHAPTER 1:
Late September 1921
"Good morning, Mrs. Thornton!" a chorus of young voices calls out one after the other as they traipse by Elizabeth where she stands at the base of the school steps. She cheerfully greets each one in return by name as she rings the cowbell to start another school day. She stops Little Jack for a hug as he passes by, struggling to accept that her precious little boy is old enough to be in school, before he joins one of the other first year boys taking their seats in the front row. Among the final students to approach are Allie and Angela.
"Allie," Elizabeth stops her, smiling conspiratorially, "I have a question for you."
"Sure," Allie replies, coming to a stop beside her.
"I'll meet you inside," Angela tells Allie before continuing up the steps.
"What do you think about surprising your dad at lunch? I already talked to Mrs. Canfield, and she can have some of her beef stew set aside for us to pick up before heading to the jail."
Eyes widening in delight, Allie grins, "That sounds like fun!"
"Now, we won't have long, but I thought it'd be nice for Jack to see where your dad works, and he'd love to see Scout."
"Ooh, that's the only reason you want to have lunch with Dad?" Allie asks with a knowing smirk.
"W-well," Elizabeth blushes, "I mean, I don't dislike the idea of getting to see your dad in the middle of the day."
"Riiight….I mean, it has been a long time…not since yesterday…practically forever," Allie teases, sighing dramatically.
"Oo-kay, time for school, Miss Grant, before you get completely carried away with your teasing!"
Elizabeth turns to head inside with Allie right behind her when she hears the teen mutter under her breath, "Well, I have been saving it up for years."
Elizabeth pulls up short, turning to glare playfully, as she questions, "Did you say something?"
"No, ma'am, not me!" Allie vows with a wide, faux-innocent expression.
"Mhm-hmm, of course not." They share a smile as Allie takes her seat and Elizabeth brings the class to attention.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Reading a report as he paces in front of his desk, Nathan glances up when he senses someone in the doorway. His eyes widen as does his smile to find Allie, Jack, and Elizabeth standing there.
"Wow, this is a nice surprise!"
"Well," Allie smirks, glancing between her dad and Elizabeth, "Mrs. Thornton suggested we visit you during our lunch break." Predictably, Elizabeth blushes and looks flustered while Nathan beams.
"Now, that's the best idea I've heard all day!" Nathan pulls up two more chairs so they can all eat around his desk.
"Scout!" Jack shouts excitedly, dropping to the floor to pet the scruffy dog as Scout thumps his tail in appreciation.
"Jack, you can pet Scout AFTER you finish eating. Now hurry and sit before it gets cold!" Elizabeth helps him into his chair & gets the wriggling boy started with his stew. Straightening up, she almost bumps into Nathan, their faces quite close.
"Hi," she says quietly.
"Hi," he smiles back. They might have kept staring into each other's eyes, the world around them fading away as often happens when their gazes lock, were it not for the children's noisy chatter breaking through. Allie asks Jack what he likes best about school so far.
"Recess!" Jack shouts excitedly, making the others laugh.
A little later, the stew is gone, and Nathan and Elizabeth begin putting away the remnants of lunch. Their hands brush, and their gazes lock again like magnets. Quickly, they look away and finish picking up. Missing nothing, Allie looks on approvingly.
"Okay, you two, we have to get going," Elizabeth tells the children.
"Aww, Mom, do I have to leave Scout?" Jack whines from his place on the floor next to the dog.
"Yes, young man. You'll see him again soon, but for now, Scout has work to do and so do you. You have history this afternoon!" his mother insists, resisting his pleas and holding out her hand to help Jack up.
"Hey, Jack," Nathan kneels down to look him in the eye. "What if I bring Scout to watch your next riding lesson?"
"Really?!" Jack beams. "That'd be GREAT! Thanks, Mountie Nathan."
"You're welcome, Jack," Nathan laughs as he stands up again and meets Elizabeth's pleased expression.
Glancing between the two adults, Allie reaches for Jack's hand. "Hey Jack, you wanna have a skipping contest back to school? I bet I can skip longer than you without stopping."
"Okay!"
"Just be careful, Allie," Nathan cautions. "Check your surroundings."
"Yes, Dad. Don't worry!"
With that, the two dart outside, leaving Nathan & Elizabeth alone.
"Thank you for this, Elizabeth. Seeing you and the kids unexpectedly when I thought I'd have to wait till this evening - it made my day." Nathan confides. He pauses, "Of course, seeing you always does."
"Well, I'm glad you feel that way, Constable, seeing as I would say the same about you."
She puts her hand on his arm, and he draws her in his embrace. They kiss sweetly, and Elizabeth begins to leave, only to turn back, "Hey, how about a short horseback ride this afternoon? Jack wanted to show Allie an ant colony we found earlier, so I think they'll be ok for a little while. Do you have time?"
"For you? Always. Meet me at the stables after school."
With one last quick kiss and warm smile, Elizabeth hurries to make it back to school on time.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Okay, class, don't forget to study for the math test and to pick out a figure to research for your history reports. Have a good weekend!" Elizabeth dismisses her students with parting instructions and a ringing of her bell. Jack runs up to his mother as other students rush out.
"Momma! Are you ready to show Allie the ant family we found?"
"Oh, honey bear, I would, but I actually need to have one of those grown-up conversations just between Mountie Nathan and me, ok? Can you show Allie without me?" Elizabeth answers.
"I guess so," Jack sighs as Aliie approaches with Angela and a few of her other friends.
"Allie," Elizabeth asks, "Sergeant needs some exercise, so your dad and I thought we might take the horses for a quick ride this afternoon. Would you mind watching Jack? He has an ant colony he wanted to show you, and maybe you all could stop by the library to get some ideas for your history report."
"No problem, Mrs. Thornton! " Allie assures. She and the other girls exchange knowing looks.
"Thank you, Allie. I should be back in about an hour, so please be home by then, and we can start dinner together."
"Okay. Come on, Jack," Allie says, putting her arm around the little boy before glancing back at Elizabeth and saying saucily, "You and Dad have fun on your ride."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Elizabeth hurries to the stables, but she isn't surprised to find Nathan already there with both horses ready. Slowing, Elizabeth strolls up to him.
"Good afternoon."
Nathan leans in, kissing her. "Good afternoon to you, Beautiful. Ready?"
"Yes, and I see you got Sergeant saddled for me …thank you."
"You're welcome. Is Allie watching Jack?"
"Yes, after they check on the ant colony, they're supposed to go to the library to get ideas for their history report. I told Allie I'd be home in about an hour."
"Then we'd better get going!"
Thankfully uninterrupted for once, they mount their steeds and head out of town.
"Did I mention what a nice surprise lunch was?" Nathan asks her, glancing over as they trot.
"You did, but I don't mind hearing it again. Besides," she winks at him, "maybe I'm on a mission to convince you surprises can be a good thing."
"Well," he grins playfully at her, "I might be willing to concede that I don't hate all surprises, at least not the ones you plan."
"Wisely said, Constable. Very smooth."
"Why, thank you," Nathan beams.
"Oh, I didn't tell you – I spoke with Rosemary this morning," Elizabeth shares excitedly. "She said, if Lee can avoid getting roped into any more planning meetings with Lucas about the national park, they should be returning to Hope Valley in a week!"
"That's great. It'll be nice to have them back. I know you've missed them a lot, especially Rosemary."
"I really have; it seems like they've been gone so long, though it will only be about a month." Elizabeth pauses, looking at him conspiratorially from the corner of her eye. "Although… her not being right next door does make certain things a little easier."
Catching her meaning, Nathan's smile widens as he agrees, "Yes, indeed. Maybe we should come up with some kind of secret warning system for when she's in hearing or seeing distance."
"Maybe we should," Elizabeth acknowledges, chuckling. Changing subjects, she mentions, "By the way, I told Allie that when I get home from our ride, she can help me fix dinner for all of us, if that's ok with you."
"Hmm, being with my favorite people and eating your cooking instead of mine? Sounds great."
"Great!" Elizabeth repeats warmly.
By some unspoken understanding, the two find themselves approaching the spot where Nathan first declared his love. Slowly, Nathan's expression turns serious. Noticing something is on his mind, Elizabeth asks, "What is it?"
"I want to let you know I won't be around on Monday."
"Oh? Can you tell me why?"
He brings Newton to a stop, and Elizabeth follows suit. He sighs, "I received word this afternoon that I'm required to assist in a prisoner transfer to Granville."
Elizabeth's face falls, and she turns pale. Of course, Nathan notices. He knows they're both remembering that infamous prisoner transfer five years ago when he was nearly shot and another Mountie was killed. Sidling Newton closer to Sergeant, Nathan reaches out and takes Elizabeth's hand. Gently, he tells her, "Elizabeth, what happened back then was extraordinary. These transfers are done every day with no issues."
Before he even finishes, Elizabeth begins nodding. Subdued, she quietly sighs, "I know."
With a long look at her, Nathan suggests, "Let's stretch our legs a minute." He dismounts, then helps her down. They walk to the same log where he found her twice before. Today, however, they sit together. He draws her close with an arm around her back and grasps her hand again with his other. Her pain and fear impact him deeply, but he wonders how to assure her of that.
"Elizabeth, there's something I've wanted to tell you for years. I respect and admire you so much because you are the bravest, strongest woman I know. I can't imagine going through what you went through, the way you kept going after Jack's death. I couldn't really understand until, well, I got a taste when Jeanette held you hostage."
He stops as if gathering his thoughts. "As a Mountie, I'm trained to stay calm and controlled in any crisis, to never let my feelings interfere with my duty. …But seeing you held at gunpoint – I've never felt so out of control… so enraged and helpless and panicked that I could hardly think straight. The thought of losing you…" he pauses, swallowing, the memory of those awful moments choking him. He clears his throat roughly before continuing, "I couldn't bear it. I already knew, but that experience really drove home how much stronger you are than me. Because you DID bear it…you've borne it for years with such grace."
Elizabeth listens, then squeezes his hand, silently communicating how much his words mean to her.
After another pause, Nathan asks, "Remember the first conversation we had here after I'd been out to see Bill's land?"
She nods, wistful, and glances down before meeting his gaze again. "Of course, I do. Your words meant everything, but I was so paralyzed by painful memories and fear, especially after what happened with that prisoner transfer. In those horrible moments when I thought you'd been shot, I relived what I felt when I learned Jack had died." She glances away, then back before continuing haltingly. "I hadn't even known you that long then, and we weren't even together, so the similarity of my anguish… it shocked and terrified me. …Then when you stood here that day, asking for more, all I could think was to protect myself. I couldn't…or wouldn't… let myself admit that you were right, that I did feel the same way." Shutting her eyes in shame and remorse, she whispers, "I wasn't brave then. Because I let fear get in the way, I hurt you. I hurt both of us, and I'm so sorry."
"Shhh," he whispers back, shaking his head. "That's in the past. Everything happens for a reason, and we're stronger together now because of those long paths we took to get here. I only brought that day up because of something else you said, that it would hurt too much to lose me the way you lost Jack." He looks away, sighs, then regards her again. "I guess what I'm trying to say, not very well, is… I respect your feelings, your trauma, and I will do whatever necessary to help you, to ensure I'm never the reason you break a second time." He glances away briefly, clearly torn. He takes a deep breath before looking at her again and saying, "Even if that means quitting the Mounties."
Elizabeth casts her eyes down while he speaks, but at his final words, her head snaps up, eyes widening. Shocked and upset, Elizabeth shakes her head, "Nathan, no! I could never take that away from you. Being a Mountie is too essential to who you are."
It's his turn to shake his head. "It's a big part of who I am, but Elizabeth… you're far more essential to me. I could live without the uniform, but I can't live without you."
Sighing, Elizabeth glances down again, then casts her eyes over the landscape as she answers him. "Fear has driven me for a long time, Nathan. Too long. Fear made me choose something safe where I couldn't get hurt again, where I couldn't shatter like I did after Jack." Nathan understands she's referring to Lucas and realizes this is the closest she's come to explaining why she turned to the saloon owner all those years ago. "I was sleepwalking in a self-protection mentality. But do you want to know what woke me up and made me finally embrace what was in my heart for you all along?" He regards her silently, waiting. She explains,
"It was when you had gone to assist with the farmer standoff at Rock Creek last year. Word came that a Mountie had been taken hostage and that shots had been fired. The panic, the anguish I experienced in that short time until I saw you'd returned safely… that's when it finally became impossible for me to ignore any longer what my heart had been trying to say for so long. …The first time we stood here years ago, I convinced myself that by not being with you, I could insulate myself from the risk of pain and loss, but my reaction last year to you being endangered made me realize how foolish my plan was. Not being with you didn't prevent the worry, fear, or pain at all, and losing you would have gutted me as much as if we were together. …Because my whole heart was with you anyway, regardless of whether we were a couple or not. …And if that were the case, choosing not to be with you didn't accomplish anything, but only deprived us of the joys of living life together."
Elizabeth takes a shuddering breath, then earnestly states, "Nathan, being a Mountie isn't just a job you can do or not do. It's in your soul. It's your calling…as it was Jack's. And I know… better than most… what I'm signing up for. …And I choose you – all of you." She pauses, squeezes her eyes shut a moment, before urging,
"But you need to know what you're signing up for. Because I AM scarred from when I had to put the pieces of myself back together after being shattered. I may always occasionally struggle to gracefully handle what you're called to do. I may not always be okay with your assignments, and I may sometimes react irrationally when it comes to the risks. I know there are things you can't discuss, but I need you to be as honest and open about what's going on as you can. No more deciding what's best without consulting me or keeping me in the dark like you, Bill, and Lucas did about Jeanette. Okay?"
Squeezing her hand, Nathan nods and meets her gaze again. "I promise."
"And if the past still sometimes seizes control of me, will you be patient and bear with me?"
With his whole heart shining at her through his eyes, Nathan draws her closer. "Always. I love you."
"I love you too."
They kiss, and as they meet each other's eyes once more, their smiles grow wider. Their conversation was hard, but there is relief in having unburdened themselves. They feel even closer because of it.
"I'd better get back," Elizabeth reluctantly admits.
"Yeah, me too. I've still got some paperwork to finish and my evening rounds."
"And I don't want the kids waiting on me."
"No, although Allie probably wouldn't mind, given that she seems to think furthering our romance is a worthy cause."
"She's proving to be a valuable ally, isn't she?"
"Yes, I'm glad she's using her formidable skills for good and not evil."
"Me too!" With another shared grin, they get back on their horses and gallop home.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The next morning, Elizabeth answers a knock at her door to find Allie and Nathan waiting there. As planned at dinner the night before, Nathan will give Jack another riding lesson while Elizabeth and Allie spend some girl time together.
"Good morning, you two!"
"Good morning!" They both reply.
"Come on in. Jack was just – " Elizabeth is interrupted by the boy himself running up to them.
"Mountie Nathan!" Jack exclaims. "Is it time for our riding lesson now?!" As an afterthought, he waves. "Hi, Allie!"
Bemused, Allie responds, "Morning, Jack."
Nathan smiles at the little boy, "Yes, we can get going, cowboy. What do you say we stop by our place and pick up Scout, then head to the stables and saddle up Pal?"
"Oh, boy! I can't wait! Let's go!"
He starts to dart outside until Elizabeth calls out, "Just a minute, Jack. Don't I get a hug goodbye?"
Impatiently, Jack turns and gives Elizabeth a perfunctory hug. "Bye, Momma!" And he's out the door.
With a smoldering look and wink for Elizabeth that leaves her blushing, Nathan follows Jack.
Elizabeth and Allie look at each other and start laughing.
"I think Jack is a little bit horse-crazy these days, wouldn't you say?" Elizabeth asks.
"I think that's an understatement!" Allie jokes back.
"So it's just us for awhile. You still want to help me make muffins?"
"Definitely! Sounds fun, and I want to learn how anyway."
"Let's get started then."
They move to the kitchen, and Elizabeth walks Allie through all the ingredients and steps as the teen listens intently.
"Here, I made a copy of the recipe for you to keep."
"Thanks, Mrs. Thornton!"
"Okay, now we just pop them in the oven for 25 minutes and hope your dad leaves some for the rest of us when he finds out we made these."
Allie laughs, "Yes, he's definitely got a weakness for baked goods. Especially yours, Mrs. Thornton," she adds teasingly, enjoying making the older woman blush. They sit together at the kitchen table.
"Oh, I don't know about that!" Elizabeth replies, then turns serious. "Allie, we haven't had much time just the two of us recently. I know your dad talked to you about…" she trails off.
"About him and you becoming a couple? Yes, he did ...not as if it was a surprise or anything."
"Well, you are the most important person in the world to Nathan, and I care about you so much, so I can't tell you how glad I am that you're okay with me and Jack being more in your lives. ...But change can be hard, so if you have any questions or concerns you want to talk to me about…"
"Mrs. Thornton," Allie interrupts. "I've always thought you're amazing. You've been super important to me for years. You helped me make friends when I first moved here when I didn't know where to start, you were there for me when I wanted to get to know Grandpa Archie, you baked me cupcakes so my first sleepover would be a success, you supported me when I stood up for Dad at that horrible inquiry, you challenged me to work harder at math, you encouraged my writing, you tried to get me to listen to Dad about Dylan and then you were so nice after I ran off and never once made me feel stupid even though I was. Every time I've needed help or someone to listen or give me advice or just be there, it's been you." By this point, both Allie and Elizabeth have tears in their eyes. "I love you, Mrs. Thornton."
"Oh, Allie!" Elizabeth cries, reaching to draw the girl into a tight hug. "I love you too."
Just then, the timer dings. Allie watches as Elizabeth removes the muffins from the oven and sets them on the counter. She helps remove them to a wire cooling rack.
Returning to their conversation, Allie asks hesitantly, "Just one thing…you're sure this time, right? Because I thought you two would work out years ago… and then you didn't, and I don't want Dad hurt."
"Oh, honey," Elizabeth gently answers. "I've apologized to your dad, but let me tell you as well how sorry I am for hurting him… and you… back then. The reason we didn't work out before has NOTHING to do with your dad or how much we love each other." She glances away before meeting Allie's eyes again, deciding Allie is mature enough to deserve at least some explanation for what happened four years ago. "You know I was married before, right?"
"Yes, to Mountie Jack. Opal and some of the other kids have told me a little about him. He sounds special."
Elizabeth smiles in remembrance, "That he was. He was also my first love, and we thought we'd spend the rest of our lives together. We had lots of plans." She stops, breathes in, then out. "But we were only married a week or so when he was called away on a two-month training mission. And less than two months after our wedding, I found out he'd been killed in a landslide while saving two of his trainees."
Stunned, Allie whispers, "That's horrible. How did you get through that?"
With a small, rueful smile, Elizabeth answers, "I was broken. Really, I don't know how I would've gotten through except shortly after, I found out I was going to have a baby. So Little Jack was my light those first months and years. By the time you and your dad moved to Hope Valley, I thought I was beginning to heal."
"Was seeing Dad in the same uniform hard?" Allie asks, perceptive beyond her years as usual.
"Only right at first. Once I got to know your dad, it wasn't hard. Talking with him has always been easy and natural. But when I realized we were starting to have feelings for each other, that's when I started messing things up."
"What happened?"
"I think I sensed back then that what Nathan and I were heading toward was big, the kind of love I had with Jack. I hadn't thought that would ever happen for me a second time, and I wasn't ready. I was too scared to let myself feel that way again, so I ran away."
Allie thinks she's beginning to understand, but she's skeptical. "So what's different now?"
Elizabeth chuckles lightly. "A lot. Time, for one thing. Y'know, I realized a few months ago that I can finally remember Jack with gratitude and joy instead of grief and pain. And with time comes perspective – y'know, what really matters, what you can live with, what you can't live without. Instead of not listening to my heart, I finally started following it. And there's only one place my heart will ever lead me, and that's to your dad."
Allie's answering smile is big not only because Elizabeth's words make her happy, but also because she notices something that Elizabeth, facing away from the door, can't see. Her dad and Little Jack have snuck in to surprise them, but Nathan is the one surprised, delightfully so, as he catches the end of Elizabeth's explanation. He already knows she loves him, but it still thrills him to hear more proof that she feels for him as deeply as he does for her.
Something in Allie's expression gives them away, and Elizabeth turns quickly, catching the soft, dazed look on Nathan's face that confirms he heard her. Sensing the adults need a minute, Allie calls out, "Hi, Jack! Come get a muffin, then we can go out back and play with Scout."
"Okay!" Jack shouts happily as he charges toward Allie and the sweet treats.
Nathan and Elizabeth only barely notice when the children slip out the back door. Elizabeth stands, and they walk toward each other, meeting near the stairs.
"Hi," she says shyly.
"Hi," he replies just as quietly.
"Sooo… you heard that."
"Yes."
"Y'know, one might assume that an officer of the law such as yourself would have a code against eavesdropping."
"Well, if I do, the prospect of overhearing something like that would be incentive enough to bend that rule."
"Ah, situational ethics, Constable?"
"Only where you're concerned. You're the exception to all my rules."
As they volley back and forth, they step slowly closer and closer until their faces are mere inches apart, the intensity of their connection and chemistry palpable in the air around them.
Elizabeth blushes, blows out a puff of laughter as a memory strikes her. "Nathan, remember our conversation at my kitchen table last year after Allie babysat the first time and thought Little Jack was lost?"
Brow furrowed in question, wondering where she's going with this, Nathan warily affirms, "Yes?"
"You mentioned you thought maybe you weren't 'good at this thing.' But I'm telling you now that if you get much better at it, I may not survive."
Pleased, he wraps an arm around her and teases, "Really? I didn't know flirting could be so dangerous."
"It is the way you do it!" Elizabeth insists, making him laugh as he draws her closer. Their kiss is interrupted in a moment, however, as Little Jack bursts through the back door.
"Momma, Mountie Nathan, come see what Allie and I taught Scout to do!" As quickly as he runs in, he runs out again, a whirlwind on legs. Elizabeth and Nathan look at each other and laugh before following Little Jack, hand in hand.