Disclaimer: A large portion of this was deliberately written to be as edgy and cringe as I could without laughing too hard to type.
The Punisher Protocol
PHO: Brockton Bay: I am VENGENCE!
Page 01 of 01
Dark Vengeance (Original Poster)
By now Kaiser should know that one of his hangouts is no more. By now the authorities should be able to confirm that it was no accident. Let this be a warning to the scum of the Bay! NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE!
David shut down his computer. For too long the gangs had brought fear to the common citizen, for too long had they thought that they could act with impunity. Today was the day they learned they were wrong, today was the day they learned to-
"DAVEY! Dinner!" his mother called out.
"Okay, mom!" he called back.
Where was he? Right. Today was the day they learned they were wrong, today was the day they learned to fear, today was the day-
"Hurry before it gets cold!" his mother yelled. "It's your favorite."
"Coming, mom!"
Today was they day they stopped seeing the darkness as an ally, but as a thing to be wary of. Today was the day they-
"Are you coming?" again, his mother interrupted his internal monologue.
"Yes, mom, just making sure I'm presentable for the table!"
"Well hurry up! This isn't the White House, you don't have to spend all this time getting ready when you could be eating!"
"Yes, mom!"
Today was the day they learned to fear the wrath of Dark Vengeance, he thought quickly.
IIIIIIIIII
Emily painfully levered herself into the chair at the head of the conference table. To her right Armsmaster, world's second greatest tinker and head of the local Protectorate. To her left was Deputy Director Renick, her deputy. Maybe the eighth from the bottom PRT wide.
Piggot sighed in annoyance. "What do we got?"
"Seven dead. Someone threw a molotov cocktail through the window of an Empire hangout. Got a poster on PHO claiming credit."
"Uh huh. What do they call themselves?"
"Dark Vengeance, ma'am."
The director rolled her eyes. "Wonderful. How long since they posted?"
"Less than an hour, ma'am."
"Alright," she sighed in annoyance. "Punisher Protocols it is."
"Yes, ma'am."
IIIIIIIIII
PHO: Brockton Bay: I am VENGENCE!
PAGE 03 OF 09
PRT ENE OFFICIAL (VERIFIED PRT ACCOUNT)
Preliminary report from the investigators say faulty wiring. That could change of course, but so far there's no sign of foul play.
Oh, and the name 'Dark Vengeance' has already been trademarked by the Protectorate. You're going to have to start a new account with a different name.
Swamp Donkey
Nother idiot trying to cosplay some sort of edgy dark vigilante. Not like we haven't seen that a hundred times.
McFLY!
Any of them turn out to be real? I'm drawing a blank off the top of my head.
SueMePig
Shadow Stalker. But her antics ended up being a viral marketing campaign by the Protectorate. Hate to admit that I fell for it.
Toad Love 69
I almost did. Just something about her seemed off. Don't know what it was, they did a really good job convincing everyone that it was real.
Flucky Duck
It was too cliché, no one is that much of a try hard edge lord. I'm surprised anyone fell for it.
Honkey Donkey
One of the better marketing campaigns in recent memory. I just feel sorry for the poor kid having to keep pretending that she's some sort of loose cannon vigilante.
Zip Noodle
With how she hams it up? I bet the kid is having the time of her life. I really hope this doesn't sound like I'm trying to figure out her identity, but she seems like a theater kid that got powers. The reason for this belief? I was a theater kid and she's acting exactly how I would have if I'd gotten powers.
Hamburger HELLper
It reminds me of Mouse Protector when she was young. Well, and Mouse Protector now. Remember when she went through her goth phase?
Zip Noodle
Oh god! I forgot that. Remember how she would say something like: No one can understand me, my world is pain in a perfect deadpan?
Hamburger HELLper
Or that time she asked for 'ice cream as dark as my soul' in that public appearance and they gave her vanilla?
Zip Noodle
Ha! I forgot the ice cream incident. Classic Mouse Protector.
Hamburger HELLper
She's a national treasure.
IIIIIIIIII
Sophia was stuck in console hell when her phone chirped, indicating a priority message. Probability piggy throwing another temper tantrum or something. Bored, she glanced at it to confirm that it was something she could safely ignore.
A smile appeared on the girl's face, looked like maybe the bay might have a real hero aside from herself after all. With a grin she logged into her computer for the first time that night and typed in the address for PHO in her browser's search bar.
"Fucking bullshit," she muttered to herself. Why in the hell did she need a useless fucking account to read a stupid fucking post anyway? Annoyance building, she created an account and . . . user name taken. Resisting the urge to punch the screen she tried her next choice, also taken. Fifteen minutes later she finally found something that would work and went to the forum indicated in her message.
It was good stuff, she thought in approval, the new hero had a cool name and sounded like they were doing real good in the world. Her earlier bad mood was forgotten as she imagined maybe meeting them on her next off the books patrol and joining forces to show the criminal scum what it felt like to feel weak. Then she read the comments.
Sophia's teeth ground together and it took every bit of her considerable will to not scream in rage. She was not a try hard edge lord! This would not stand.
The Br0ktun bay Pr3dat0r
HEY FUCKY DUCK! Bet you don't have the balls to tell that to Shadow Stalker to her face! She's seen shit you can't even imagine. While you're sitting on your lard ass, she's actually going out and making a difference in the world. Not like the other so called heroes, she's the real thing! FUCK YOU!
Sophia nodded, that showed the weak piece of shit. A thought occurred to her, what if other people were talking shit about her just because they thought they were fucking safe from consequences? Eyes narrowing, she started going through the rest of the Brockton Bay section in search of idiots to correct.
IIIIIIIIII
He ghosted across the rooftops looking for his next target, looking for his next victim. For too long the gangs had ruled Brockton Bay secure in their belief that none could stand against them. There was a debt owed to the good people of the Bay and Dark Vengeance was coming see that it was paid.
His smile was concealed by his black mask when he saw two ABB scum below him. Time to pay the piper.
Dark Vengeance pulled three throwing stars out of his pocket and threw them in quick succession. Two found their marks in the throats of the criminals, the third embedded itself in a lamp post as a warning. A warning that death stalked the streets. A death the common citizen need not fear for Dark Vengeance did not seek the common citizen, but only the criminal scum which infested his city.
David paused. Too wordy? Maybe he should think about working on his monologues before he went hunting? Dark Vengeance set that thought aside for later consideration as he leapt from his current roof top to the next roof top.
IIIIIIIIII
Armsmaster pulled up to the scene of the double murder and paused to go over the take from his sensor array.
The head of the ENE Protectorate keyed his mic. "Confirmed, post it."
One of the BBPD detectives approached. "Think this is your case or mine?" he asked and it was clear from his tone of voice that he was hoping it would be the latter.
"Mine," Armsmaster said confidently. "Oni Lee is known to have been in the area."
The BBPD officers smiled at that piece of news.
"Nothing for us to do but secure the scene for your boys, huh?"
"That seems to be the case," Armsmaster stated. He selected his next action from the list suggested by his suit's onboard computer. Slowly and deliberately he walked towards the throwing star embedded in the light pole and stared at it for a few seconds. "That confirms it," he said aloud.
"That confirms what?" the detective asked.
"The metallurgy, design, and construction of these objects are consistent with those known to have been used by Oni Lee in the past. Even if he were not involved this shows that there was some connection between this crime and Oni Lee. Thank you again for your assistance, officer.
IIIIIIIIII
Dark Vengeance scored three more kills on his patrol. Two Merchants and one lone nazi. It wasn't enough, it would never been enough. Not until the streets were retaken from the scum and given back to the ordinary decent residents of his fair city. A city that would then have no need of heroes, no, he couldn't call himself one of those. Heroes inspired hope while he inspired the opposite but only in criminals, he hoped. Wait . . . the opposite of hope was fear, wasn't it? That was probability something he should have looked into before he started his patrol. He shook it off, there would be time for looking up the antonym of hope later. But now, now he had crime to fight.
David paused to consider what he wanted to say. A city that would have no need for men such as himself for men such as himself would not be needed. Dark Vengeance longed for that day, the day his home would no longer welcome him with open arms. He longed for that day when the city no longer needed him.
The city's newest defender slipped into his room three hours before sunrise. Curtailing sleep was the smallest of the prices he was willing to pay for the safety of his town.
IIIIIIIIII
PHO: Brockton Bay: Double Homicide on Fifth and Birch
Page 01 of 02
PRT ENE OFFICIAL (VERIFIED PRT ACCOUNT) (Original Poster)
If you have any information on this incident please call 555-ENE-Hero or contact us through this site.
Anonymous Throw Away
I saw Oni Lee leaving this area about fifteen minutes before I heard BBPD pull up. I'm not willing to give a statement or do anything else that might cause him to pay me a visit. Snitches get grenades in this part of town.
Fudge Willy
What do you want to bet our newest edge lord will try to claim credit after he sees this post?
Bad Detective (Unverified BBPD)
Be hard for him to do for the following reason: My sources in the department tell me that Armsmaster already knew Oni Lee did it since he was seen in the area and the metallurgy on the ninja stars matched the ones Oni Lee has been known to use.
Fudge Willy
Mark my words, he'll find a way.
IIIIIIIIII
Dark Razor (Original Poster)
I previously posted my warning to criminal scum here LINK under the name Dark Vengeance which I have been forced to change due to copyright issues.
Today's announcement pertains to my patrol last night.
I ended two ABB drug dealers on Birch street.
I ended two merchants on Pine.
Poison peddlers have no place in our town.
And finally I found one lone nazi and ensured that he would be able to harm no one in the future.
Fear the Dark Razor! I will cut the crime out of our town!
Fudge Willy
Called it!
PRT ENE OFFICIAL (VERIFIED PRT ACCOUNT)
Dark Razor is also taken. Dark Smoked Meats and Fishes is available.
Dark Smoked Meats and Fishes
Not anymore.
Honkey Donkey
Tough luck for the OP.
Zip Noodle
Quick! Someone check to see if Dark Dork is available.
The Br0ktun bay Pr3dat0r
Don't listen to the haters, predator, you're making a difference! Just like Shadow Stalker, the only Ward worth a damn in this shitty town!
Zip Noodle
Go Shadow Stalker! Best ham in the North East!
Hamburger HELLper
Now there's an idea! Think we could convince them to give us Shadow Stalker brand Ham?
Zip Noodle
I don't see why not, they gave us Mouse Protector sprinkles.
Hamburger HELLper
Dark, like your favorite hero's soul!
Zip Noodle
Available in vanilla and now rainbow.
Hamburger HELLper
Must be an absolute hoot to be in the Wards with Shadow Stalker. Bet she's the team joker.
Time Stopper
Nah, that's Clockblocker. Coolest and funniest of the Wards.
Zip Noodle
Please! That try hard? No, that's who PR chose to be the joker. Real one has gotta be Shadow Stalker, no one's that edgy in real life.
Hamburger HELLper
Where's Mouse Protector when you need her? We could use a bit of cheese with our ham.
Zip Noodle
Just got a sudden image of a Shadow Stalker cartoon with a Mouse Protector mentor. I'd watch it.
Hamburger HELLper
As would I
Honkey Donkey
Me too!
Fudge Willy
Hell YEAH!
PRT ENE OFFICIAL (VERIFIED PRT ACCOUNT)
I'll bring it up to my boss along with everything else mentioned in this thread. No promises at all.
Zip Noodle
Fingers crossed!
IIIIIIIIII
PM: Dark Edge → The Br0ktun bay Pr3dat0r : Thanks for the Support.
You're the only one on this whole site that understands me. Thanks.
AN: Looks like I forgot to post this. From here I think I'd have Shadow Stalker become increasingly focused on being a forum warrior, Dark whatever to go through an increasing number of aliases before breaking and going goofy and punny, they can't make fun of him if he's already making fun of himself. Who knows, this is all I plan to write.