This tale is intended as a follow-up to season 17 episode 8.
But first, a little back story to fill in the blanks::
It turns out that after Jessica's Gallery Opening and hearing the news that he was leaving, Amy went to Caleb's house and that was the last time they spoke. Caleb moved to Kelowna. Amy hasn't seen, texted or spoken to Caleb in months.
Meanwhile Nathan Junior is a semi-reluctant, hot and cold partner. Obsessed with beef prices. At odds with Tim. Kissing up to grandpa Jack. Nathan Junior makes no secret of his doubts and insecurities about getting married, making a commitment, changing diapers, fatherhood in general.
—-
Season 18 opens with Amy looking at her pregnant self in a mirror.
Amy smiles in the mirror. Closing only one snap of her large flannel shirt. She places a hand her expanding belly. Happy that her long months of morning sickness are a thing of the past. She's feeling good again. A baby boy? Another girl?
Outside, promises a glorious early spring morning. Caleb's old duelly pick-up rolls into heartland while Tim is staging cattle gear outside the round pen. Caleb lives for this stuff: all day on a horse, working the cows, sleeping under the stars, joking with Tim. Happy to be home, he jumps to help Tim load.
In the distance, Amy and Nathan Junior emerge from the ranch house, stepping off the porch holding hands. As Amy's eyes adjust to the bright morning, she spots a figure outlined by the sun shining behind him. Even tho he's just a backlit shadow she recognizes Caleb straight away. She freezes dead in her tracks. Her smile and good mood rush from Amy like an alpine waterfall, cold and fast.
Caleb turns. He sees Amy. Trapped in her cold cascade, Caleb stares back, a look that challenges Amy and her fertile belly.
Tim watches the dynamic between his daughter and Caleb the ranch hand. Despite the unseasonably warm weather Tim shakes off a chill.
Amy drops Nathan Junior's hand. She walks, head down, alone, into the barn. Tears glassing in the corners of her bright blue eyes.
Approaching Tim, Nathan Jr quietly asks, "What is he doing here?" pointing at Caleb. Tim proudly replies, "I called him to help with the vaccinations since Amy's in no condition to ride…in case you haven't noticed."
Annoyed with Tim, Nathan Jr marches off to find Amy in the barn. Seeing her leaning against a stall.. "What now?" He pleads.
"I'm feeling queasy…again. Sorry." deliberately not facing him to hide her tears. "It will pass".
Trying to bring comfort, Nathan stands over her. "Tim says we'll be gone two nights Max. Try not to miss me too much. Ok, little lady?"
Amy forces a smile, "I'll do my best".
Back at the round pen, Caleb rushes to Tim..
"Tim, man, you could have mentioned something? How pregnant is she?" Tim is silent.
Caleb doesn't let it go, "Tim?"
Tim stumbles on words. "How Am I supposed to know? And why do you care?"
Caleb swings the round pen gate behind him and heads with purpose toward the barn.
Tim shouts after him "Hold on cowboy! She's been seeing Junior since you left." In a lower voice, "I don't like it either. But she's having Junior's kid. So… You and Amy are still friends? figured it was old news. I figured she told you?"
Caleb stops and turns to look at Tim. "Since I left?"
"Yeah, since you left. Six, seven months ago".
The news hits him like an avalanche. Caleb stands frozen in front of the barn. Jaw clenched. Fists balled. The sun fully risen higher over distant snow capped mountains.
Visions of the night they said goodbye, that beautiful night, flash thru his memory. Polaroids scattered on the floor.
Amy's hair falling over his face. Her hands gripped his shoulders. Nails polished for the gallery party. Her skin, flushed and warm radiating above him against a background of shooting stars. The cool grass under his back. Her eyes, looking into him, discovering his secrets. A late summer dream.
Afterward, their fingers still interlaced, Caleb pulls her up off the lawn in front his modest white and green double wide. Amy finds her footing, adjusting herself for the solo ride home, back to the ranch, her family, reality. Serious Amy.
Strenly, Amy made him promise. She told him it was a mistake. "If you ever bring this up, or even look at me in that way.."
"What way?", Caleb joked.
"The way you look ... when we...when you ... when you look at me." Turning her head to avoid his gaze, "Promise or I will never speak to you again. Promise to forget. You got it? Forget tonite like it never happened."
Waking back to his current reality, somewhere between the round pen and the barn, Caleb whispers to himself, "It never happened." He puts his hat back on. Jaw relaxed. Head high and out loud this time, "It never happened."
—-
Nathan Junior comes out of the barn. Sees Caleb standing in the middle of the drive, staring into space, muttering to no one in particular. "Are you lost buddy?"
In true Caleb form he flashes a warm smile and a little chuckle, "Me? No. Nope. Is Amy ok? She didn't look too good."
"Nah, that's her normal look these days. Puking. Ready to puke. Asleep. Getting fat. Or crying. You have kids?"
Caleb with his signature reply, "Yes. Yes I do."
Nathan continues complaining, "Pregnancy is a nightmare. What's next? No sleep?"
Caleb smiles. "I'm here to help."
"Good then." Natahn pointing at Tim, "Why don't you keep Mr. Grumpy pants over there occupied while I attend to my girlfriend."
Caleb slyly grabs the opportunity to further assess the situation, "Girl friend? Jack didn't pull out the old shotgun and drag you two the Chapel?"
"Not yet. Cowboy."
He doesn't do it. Caleb doesn't shove Nathan to the dirt and run into the barn to check on Amy. He doesn't tip his hand. If he did, he would have seen Amy crying leaning against Spartan's empty stall.
—-
More than anything, Amy hates "leaving". Amy hated all the times Ty left to see his dad, to find himself, Mongolia. Everyone leaves. Her mom died. Ty died and it was horrible, still is. Lou left for college and never really came back—always preoccupied, trying to fill the mom role, hardly ever acting like a sister. Her dad comes and goes, revolving door of girl lady friends, now a wife, a stepmother. She doesn't even really remember Tim in her childhood, which is probably a good thing. Jack won't live forever. Spartans gone. Remi's gone. All her friends from high school left. But when Caleb left...
Oh god, when Caleb left…just remembering makes her nauseous.
Caleb said he loved her. Not news to her. Amy knew he loved her. Knew it for years, a lifetime. She also knew that she didn't love him. Not the way she loved Ty. Not the way she wants to love Nathan.
Caleb was different. Her friend. Her best friend. He was comfortable, like pajamas, like a hot cup of tea on a rainy afternoon. Easy. As sure as the sun rose in the morning, Caleb would be there when she called. And even when she didn't.
It tore her heart out. Watching him walk away down the sidewalk after the gallery party. Like he ripped the oxygen from her body, tucked it in his pocket and faded away into the night. She could not breathe.
It made her crazy. She felt her heart beating in her ears. Crying and choking for air. She drove up the mountain road to the land where his trailer once stood. The rusty tiny trailer hauled away years ago; now replaced by a tidy white doublewide that Caleb bought as a surprise wedding gift for Cass. Sitting in the truck she cried; like she cried sitting alone on the side of the road after Ty died. Terrified. It was Caleb who found her then, too.
She saw him open the screen door. Caleb was walking toward her truck. She had no excuse for being up on the mountain, parking outside his house in the middle of the night.
Resting his hands on the open driver's side window. He looked at her. He didn't say a word. Just his presence calmed her.
All she could think of to say was "I don't love you".
He smiled. His hair was wet. She must have interrupted his shower. He reached in. Turned the ignition off. The headlights too. Still looking at her he backed away three steps. Bare foot. Toes digging into the grassy lawn that he so proud of. No shirt. Paw Patrol towel wrapped tight below his waist. He stood in the dark. Holding her with his eyes. Just looking. That look. The scent of No MoreTears baby shampoo lingering in the space between them.
He was beautiful. He was close. Right where she thought he'd always be. Just three steps away…waiting for her.
She started to breathe normally again. Now that her panic attack was subsiding, Amy was even more embarrassed. She pretended it was just another casual visit. She got out of the truck and started walking toward the house.
Caleb whispered "Amy, Carson's inside. Asleep."
Even more embarrassed, she turned to leave.
"Stay for a while. It's a nice night. You don't have to go."
"But you do? You have to go? Tomorrow?"
"Yes. Yes I do. Tomorrow. Not tonite."
She remembers moving toward him. Standing in front of him. So close she could feel the heat from his bare skin. Almost hear his blood pumping.
Amy meant it as a question, as if to gain his consent. But ,her words came out more like a command "Caleb. Tonite." With both hands, she held his shoulders as he lowered her onto the grass. He said he loved her. More than once. He said other things too. Things she never heard before.