I don't know what came over me at the moment. It was like balloon that was blown with more air, more pressure, it just kept pumping, and pumping and pumping, until pop. Just like that.

Gotta get out, gotta get out! Luan's eyes shifted left and right; a wall of lockers trapping her to the only gateway exit there was in that hall. The football field.

Her jogs turned into sprinting, sprinting turned to pumping; next thing she knew, she was out in the shivering cold, where sprinkles of snowflakes descended from the grey clouds. Standing under weather this cold would get her sick; who cares? Luan's boots crunched under three feet of powdered snow, her legs heavy as she dragged herself to the school's front. Wait a little longer… a few minutes. She shivered, gripping the straps of her backpack. School's out, I can go. I can go and hide somewhere. Run away, maybe?

She reached the entrance, dropping herself onto the first stair. It happened so fast. Luan pinched her chest, a futile attempt to hold her heart from bursting out. What the heck happened? What was that? Why was that?

'Fuck you!' And the words repeated ten-times over.

It was cold. It wasn't the snow this time. Luan felt her face, tingling against the fabric of her wool glove. I-I did that. Her shaky exhale came with a mist. I-I did that.

Creak—

She whipped her head to the entrance.

Nobody was there.

She wrung her hands together, each inhale rejected and forced out, only exacerbating the lazer-like tingle forming like a halo on her head. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Luan buckled over and , she formed a mouth with her hand and began voicing a familiar sound, although forced out and breathless. "Nobody can see you; nobody has to. Calm down, toots. You're spiraling—you're spiraling."

It didn't hit the same as when his eyes looked into hers. It didn't hit the same when it was just a fuschia glove reassuring her. But it did help a little… just as she pretended hard enough.

Just a little more…. Luan's breathing steadied on its own eventually. She pulled her bag near, afraid it'd freeze without her warmth. Her mind clouded itself with a new vision, one that… I might as well. I've come this far. What's the worst that can happen?

A rare little voice, Mr. Coconut's spirit lingered in her mind. Telling her to think of her choice, to rethink otherwise; his voice unusually serious and lacking the snark it had. "You destroyed me, you can't do that too!"

Her stomach churned, and her thought process was quickly cut by the piercing bell ring.

Would she…?

I do not condone my actions. What I did was wrong, and I apologize to Mr. Fernandez for the undignified behavior and disrespect I had exhibited. However, I would like to point out that I think the real issue here is with Mr. Fernandez' notorious knack for spitting baseless assumptions as such, and knocking below the belt to hit sore bruises.

"It's gonna be in the summer? Rockin'!" Luna grinned as she walked up the stairs. "Where'd you get the buzz?"

"I saw MDE's official Swiftypic page! They congratulated the winners and everything!" Sam responded through the phone. "Check it out!"

The second floor was brimming and full of life as all of them arrived home from school. After a hellish day of getting thrown everything she'd missed on for the Fest, all Luna wanted to do was pass out. "Eh, think I'll pass; too lazy to look through," She sighed tiredly, climbing up the last step. She walked into her room, adjacent as Luan walked in seconds prior. "Send me the link?"

"Sure."

Luna was greeted with her roommate hovering by the nightstand. She pushed the door close with her hip and as it clicked, Luan sharply twisted her head around, snarling. "Get out."

Her smile fell. Not again. She gripped her phone's bezels tightly. "I'll call ya later, babe." Luna muttered out, pressing the red button. The entire ride home, she hadn't spoken a word. Not that she wanted to pry again. Maybe she was just tired… and nope, she was prickly too.

And to think, just yesterday she was close to tears… over a good reason.

"What's with the attitude, dude?" She dropped herself on her beanbag casually, ignoring Luan's demand. A good talk will clear this out, for sure, she just needed to push her. "Bad day?"

They've roomed for so long; Luan was an enigma she'd figured out a long time ago… until recent events proved a rocky contrary. One thing's for sure though, Luan couldn't mime when she was bothered. To her, biting a mental maelstrom would be like grasping air; either way, it'd still exude. She'd thunder with defensiveness, cackle too hard over a knock-knock joke, or flood you with the storm if you wrecked through her walls.

But no, Luan just brushed past her words, confusing her further. "Okay, Ms. Silent-Treatment, I get it." She sarcastically remarked, leaning back on her beanbag. Just a day you don't act like a grouse, just one day, is all I'm asking. "Thought we were done with this varsity mime stuff a long time ago."

The words hung in the air, and a thick tension settled in. Something bad was gonna happen, Luna's gut said. "Dude, turn around," She pushed. "What the heck's wrong with you?"

Luan shoved her nightstand drawer out to the point it nearly slipped out and fumbled around. She felt more unsettled than before. "Luan?"

A low growl slipped into her ears, and, God, it happened so fast. Luan grabbed her certificate from the drawer, and—

RIIIIIIP!

Luna practically jumped off her seat as she rushed to Luan, peering over her shoulder to witness her tearing the paper to shreds. With a horrified gasp, she did the only thing she knew. Quickly, she grabbed her wrists to keep her still. She was not gonna let her destroy one more thing! "Dude, stop!"

Luan thrashed under her hold, elbowing her on the stomach with a growl. "Let. Me. Go!"

Ignoring the dull throb in her belly, Luna tightened her. Luan was never this aggressive! What the heck! "No! Chill, dude!" Luan continued to thrash against her, violently throwing kicks onto her chin. The weight from all this stumbled flew them backwards, and the lamp fell, their photo frames cracked when her hip bumped against it. A sharp cry escaped her lips, but she didn't let up. "Listen to me, I'll only release once you sit your butt down and hand me that thing, ya hear me?"

Her grip against Luan was tight as she kept her as still as possible, and it was then Luan caught a glimpse of the door, saw her stunned siblings staring, realized everything was going wrong; she was embarrassed all over again, and Luna still had her pinned trying to stop her from breaking her certificate and—

Oof!

Luan elbowed her on the gut, but her grip only tightened further. Couldn't she see? Just how they were all looking? Just how embarrassing this all was!? She had to go. The door, they blocked it. The window? No! The bed? They'll still be able to see her! "Just let me go!" She demanded, grunting as she tried to elbow her again. Each gasp, her lungs would reject and her diaphragm ached. She was choking. Suffocating. Luna wanted a show. She wanted to do this. She wanted to get her embarrassed.

Luna knitted her brows, confusion and frustration swirling in her mind. "Why should I, huh?! You're acting like a freakin' maniac!"

Maybe she was, but either way, she had to get out. She had to get out. Her heart threatened to barge out her ribs. What the heck is going on? What is this? She wheezed; the world spun. The closet! Yes! That's it! No lock, but I can manage! I can… holy… her face tingled. Can faces fall asleep? Cheeks? what is happening to me?

She needed out. There were too many eyes. Too many to see her like this. Her voice sounded different. Like it was her but not really her. "Let me go, let me go, let me go,"

When her hands felt loose enough, she dashed to the closet. Hide, hide, hide.

Yanked it shut behind her.

By this point, all the other siblings were talking amongst themselves. "Should we call a doctor? Mom and dad?" Leni started.

Lola closed her gaped mouth. "What even was that?"

Lisa chimed in. "What we just saw was a panic attack. Perhaps, triggered by you—" She pointed at Luna. "—Pinning her down. But then again, we can't be so sure."

Luna winced, guilt already pooling in her stomach. Lisa was right, she really did pin her down and kept her confined like a wild beast.

A panic attack? Seriously? She pinched the bridge of her nose. Her knees buckled under her weight and she stumbled backwards before plopping on her beanbag. What's next? Luan was gonna say she lost her mind?

Oh, yeah, totally; and she was Mick Swagger's descendant.

Leni took a step forward into the room, scanning Luna's hand; her mildly irritated stance. She was wearing thin on this. It was obvious. "What happened?"

"I don't know! Ask her!" Luna glared at the closet, before throwing an exasperated hand at the idle shreds on the floor. "Something's gotten into her, and now she ripped this apart!"

Some of her siblings stepped into the room to peek. Lincoln kneeled down before the rest of his sisters and picked the pieces up. His eyes widening as he glanced at Luna- all she could do was shrug irritably.

"What's that?"

"Wait a second!"

"Whoa! That thing went down hard!"

As their remarks rang through the room, the more piercing their words were to Luna's ears. She watched as Leni headed to the closet, rapping at the door, her voice honey-like and tender. "Luan? You okay in there? Can we talk?"

Luna loved herself a party, that was the added benefit to having a clan of siblings; but pity parties like this? Except that. She pressed a palm against her eyes, her temples throbbing with each beat of her racing heart. She couldn't see them but could tell they were coaxing Luan out. The closet didn't even have a lock. Rule of the Loud house, you know it's bad when the sibling tornado turns up to your room. Especially to your room.

The heavy atmosphere held her by the neck. Handling an emotionally charged person was enough, but to have it all come together to form this alliance of sadness? Too much to handle. She gritted her teeth, and took a deep breath through it. She wanted to help her. She really did, but it was only a matter of time before that responsibility would be taken by someone else.

Yeah, let 'em have the torch. Life's too short to live with a toxic heart.

Luan wasn't coming out any time soon, anyway, and if she did, there were a dozen more people to sort her demons out.

Luna shot up and grabbed her axe, slinging it over her body. For now, this was none of her beeswax.

Her siblings overlooked her, only noticing the thudding of her boots as she walked out. Leni turned to the door, feeling responsible for what's going on. "I'll take care of this." Her face hardened as she looked at her siblings, gesturing at the door for them to leave. This was her chance to take Luna's spot in line. To be the sister Luan needed.

Lincoln nodded, sensing reign on the matter, and led all of the sisters out the room along with him. Waiting until they got out, Leni locked the door shut before them, leaving her alone in the room.

Not quite.

She peered over to the closet; deathly still. No sounds of life in there her ears could pick up on. But She could almost feel Luan in there, frozen still. Like she was playing dead just to avoid her, like what Lucy would do.

She's heard stories, both from Lori and especially Luna. What was making her act so unhinged lately?

"Luan?" Leni sauntered to the closet, hesitantly reaching out to the knob. "I'm opening it, okay?"

Nothing.

Either yes or no, she was gonna do it anyway.

She pulled it open and found Luan curled up.

She was as still as Tanya.

She should've been crying, right? Feeling the weight of her panic attack? Or the pain she'd dragged through the road and into home? It's not like anybody could just have a panic attack and then suddenly be okay less than a minute later, right? Leni may have known she was sort of dense, but after everything she'd seen from Luan lately, this couldn't just be a sick prank she was pulling.

But what if it was?

Was she just feeling dangerous and histrionic? Like all those times she pulled fake spiders and dog poop on her? That was Luan to you; she had her moments, after all.

"Hey," Leni knelt down in front of her, right about to reach out to her shoulder, had she not been taken aback by her features. She knew Luan wasn't getting sleep, and it showed. Her eyes were red-rimmed and distant; cheeks decorated with tiny zits, something she hadn't noticed until now. Was this still the happiest person she'd known? "Talk to me."

Luan glazed over her, her face unreadable, it kinda scared her. Was this what Luna meant by her brushing it all off?

The silence was palpable between them, a sickening agreement that yes, this was just an ordinary Wednesday. The stillness stretched on for what felt like long enough for Leni to catch on the hint. She had no intention of responding. "Luan, please," She finally reached out, brushing a stray hair behind Luan's ear. "What happened? Why did you rip your… your award apart? And… what's with that attack thingy Lisa mentioned you had?"

Helping out in any way was Leni's golden badge. In a way, she wore kindness on her the way she'd wear her sewed dresses. It was her pride, her duty. Her honor to go up to her siblings, and unselfishly do what they wanted her to do, so long as it made them happy. So long as she could get that thank you, that joy in return.

Now, she didn't get why in Luan's case, that'd backfire. Why it exhausted her to no end to have to be like a Mother Theresa to her group mates, saving them from falling from grace. That should've been something to be proud of; to be so smart, to have a special talent that made you dependable, that people come to you for help.

But come to think of it again, being a hero did come with a responsibility. When you've got the entire family relying on you as the eldest, and the new emotional rag… it does get a little tiring. It was like this every day now; just walking on eggshells with her little sister, because, and having Luna whine constantly about it to her.

But she loved the job nonetheless. And her heart ached to know Luan was struggling with something she couldn't fathom, mainly because Luan herself wouldn't bother opening her eyes to it. Luna was her only hope for this. They were closer. And all she really wanted was all of them happy.

Leni had heard of Luan's issue before. Circumstance. Just like how she was next in line to take Lori's throne as babysitter and oldest sister of the house. She was just lucky she got used to it, unlike in Luan's case—who had to deal with quadruple the clans she had to face day by day.

Could it have been too late? It didn't look like she was hurting anymore, it looked like she was already broke.

Now the grief was spreading like wildfire. Leni's face scrunched up uncomfortably. She shifted back to her knees as the hope washed out of her. When help was out of their hands, there were only… only two people who could help now.

"That's it," She felt her stomach churn. The negative energy that ironically, their most jovial sister radiated was too much to bear. Leni swallowed her heart down her throat. Her eyes began to sting. She let it pool over. It took all the willpower not to hug her right then and there. But… that's not what Luan would want. Luna was right, talking to her was like jumping hurdles far beyond her height. One hop up and slam. Blocked. "If you won't tell me what's up, I'm just gonna have to tell mom and dad."

The image of Luan's bone-chillingly nonchalant expression returned. They grew up sorting things out on their own, if it reached mom and dad's level, it was a tier too serious. And yes, this was beyond they could handle, but what could they do?

Luan's body noticeably tensed, and she pulled her head up. Her expression is devoid of any emotion. It… wasn't like last time. No. This was unnerving.

"It's just getting ridiculous," Luan spat out wryly, her eyes glazing over her absently. "I came back and suddenly I had to do everything again because Mr. Fernandez wouldn't approve our script."

The words were slow and firm, sounding like she was stating a fact over reiterating an event. "When we finally finish performing, I get blamed for passing the script late, for not having the initiative as a leader—it's like he just forgot that I was out the whole week for the fest."

Leni could barely comprehend the words she said—focusing more on how it was delivered. No anger, no panic, not even hesitation. Now it just sounded like she was a cranky kid without their complete eight hours.

Huh. That won her over.

"So, it was a bad presentation?" Leni asked. It makes sense, and ow, it sucks that she had to go through all that, but that didn't justify her self-destructive nature. "You could've just told us instead of ripping your certificate. That had so much value in it, gone to waste."

It was like a mirror cracked in Luan's soul, and a small hint of remorse flickered in her eyes. She hopelessly gazed at the ceiling as her eyelids fluttered close.

Poor kid. Leni rubbed her eyes for a brief second just to get the soreness and the pent-up pain out of it. "You look tired," She pointed out. "You should go to bed." She yanked Luan by the arm, helping her stand. "You're not going anywhere today. Forget it and just focus on resting for now."

Luan didn't even argue as she took her hand and stood up. Leni brought her to her bunk, and sat her there. She slid her shoes off, and slipped herself under the covers. Turning herself to the wall, and in her eyes—Luan was out like a light.

Just to make sure, she peered over to Luan's face, and yep. Her mouth was agape and unlike before, her breaths regained normality; a slow and steady rhythm found in the rising and falling of her back. Leni stared down at the idle backpack slouched over her bedside. She'd constantly hear Luan mentioning it like homework was her only obsession nowadays. You can always take care of that later.

She hooked one of its straps through her arm, and flung it into the closet before shutting.

It was only Luan. It was just one sibling. Leni swallowed through a dry throat, slipping out a low cough softly at the sensation. She turned the knob slowly and slipped herself out to the unusually quiet hallway. But suppose that's how The Loud House works, right? Like dominoes. One's down—everyone else falls too.

Right as she opened the door, Lincoln and Lisa barricaded the way.

"Uh…?" Her face scrunched up in confusion, yet Lincoln stared at her with determination she was all too familiar with.

"I think I know what's going on now." Lincoln stated confidently. "If you're telling mom and dad, we're coming too."

Leni glared at them as she realized something. "Were you guys eavesdropping?"

Lincoln and Lisa exchanged knowing looks before shrugging. She shook her head in resignation. "Fine, fine," She said exasperatedly, gently pushing them aside to walk out. Before heading downstairs, she glanced at them one more time, her eyes riveting between her younger sister and brother. "I'll send you guys a text. Keep your phones open."

They both nodded earnestly before spreading out.