Epilogue I - Changing the World to be Ours

Returning to Forks had been more difficult than she had ever anticipated.

Isabella – Bella, she reminded herself, everyone called her Bella here – had snippets of memories, but everything had not returned to her as they'd hoped. Despite this, there was a heavy grief clinging to her like a shroud and it came from the knowledge that everyone she knew from her old life, everyone who ever meant something to her, with the exception of the Cullens, thought she was dead. She couldn't even honor that sacrifice properly with memories of them because those memories were lost to her.

Their pain was a heavy burden and it got worse the longer they remained.

"This is not a good idea," Edward argued for the millionth time as the family all sat around their posh living room that overlooked the woods. "The wolves are still dangerous and the treaty–"

Bella was undeterred, "I'm not suggesting to go gallivanting around La Push. Even just meeting at the treaty line is fine, but I have to go."

She hadn't told anyone but since returning to Forks, her heart ached within her chest – constantly, all the time, without reprieve. The conflagration of desire, the undeniable need that Bella had felt for Edward since Volterra was tempered by how disjointed everything felt in Forks. There was so much love she held for him, so much time they had to make up for, the mate bond that hadn't yet been secured, but Bella was left feeling like crawling out of her diamond skin. The air in this place seemed to fight her. She didn't need to breathe but her lungs burned. Everything was crumbling and she didn't know why.

She felt wrong being here… fractured.

Jasper knew; he could feel it for certain and she saw it every time he looked at her, but thankfully had kept the knowledge to himself for the time being.

Edward slipped his hand into hers, "I still–"

"Alice said that Jacob was my best friend and he watched me drown, that he tried to save me," she cut in more sharply than intended, but desperate to get them to agree by any means necessary. "He deserves to know that I'm alright."

Only silence followed. Even with their individual concerns about the wolves, they all acknowledged her need. Something inside her was pushing for this and she knew she couldn't ignore it. The thought of the Reservation was like a siren song and she was helpless to resist.

"We can be there with you, hidden but close enough to help if you need us," Carlisle smiled softly. "Is that alright?"

She smiled but it was forced, "I would appreciate the support. Thank you."

He stood, pressing a hand to her shoulder as he passed into the other room, "I will call Sam and arrange a time."

Edward was still uneasy with the situation as evidenced by his anxious fidgeting and constant stroking of her hand, but thankfully, he kept his mouth shut and allowed the arrangements to be made. His objections didn't matter anyway; she would go to the Reservation, even if she had to enlist every last Cullen to restrain Edward as she went.

x-x-x

Less than 8 hours later, Bella was standing at the treaty line seemingly alone but acutely aware of the presence of each Cullen scattered among the nearby trees. Their company was appreciated, especially since Carlisle promised that they would not interfere so long as she was safe.

A blur of movement about half a mile ahead caught her eye and Bella felt her muscles tense as the tall, russet-skinned teens she had vague memories of came strolling through the treeline and onto the wet road. Out of the entire group, she only truly recognized one and the memories hit her like a battering ram.

"...Jake?"

He stopped at the sight of her – they all did once they realized the blatant difference in her appearance.

It took a moment for her former friend to find his voice, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised," he snorted, coming right up the treaty line until they were toe-to-toe, and eyed her critically. "But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed."

Bella frowned, "Disappointed in what?"

"Don't tell anyone," Jacob lowered his voice conspiratorially, "but the whole bloodsucker aesthetic looks good on you. I was kinda hoping you'd look like Nosferatu instead of all hot."

There were three beats of silence before she and Jacob broke into raucous laughter. He stepped across the invisible line and into her space, easily pulling her into a warm embrace that brought a tightness to her throat she couldn't dispel.

"You know you're a fucking idiot for jumping without me, right?"

Edward could be heard growling in the distance and she knew it was due to the way Jacob spoke to her, crude and coarse to anyone else's ears. Instead, Bella just hugged him tighter.

"I'm sorry. You were late."

"And you were depressed."

She felt the truth of his words shredding her heart, knowing he was right and that it had been bad… no matter that she couldn't remember all of it. Words escaped her, so she just nodded.

"Was it on purpose?" Jacob asked softly into her hair. "I always wondered–"

"I don't know," Bella admitted. "When I figure that out, I'll let you know."

They just held each other for a moment longer before separating. Jacob assessed her completely, top to bottom, as if looking for something.

"And… now? Are you okay?"

The question rattled her because she wasn't sure. Escaping Volterra, alive and relatively unscathed, with Edward had been exhilarating and she knew that they loved each other, that they were meant to be together. He was her mate, they were fated. And yet the closer they had come to Forks, it felt like she was breaking into marble pieces.

Or rather, that the pieces were all wrong.

"Bella?" Jacob pressed. "You are okay… aren't you?"

The wind picked up around them, pressing at her back and pushing her towards La Push. In her mind, she could see the jagged edge of the cliff where she'd jumped, feel the wind whipping her hair about as the storm she'd ignored grew above… and the siren song that was beckoning her forward felt closer than ever.

"Can you take me there? To the cliff? I think… I think I need to see it."

If Jacob was surprised, he didn't show it. He simply looked back at the oldest boy in the group and after a brief silence, the older boy gave a short nod before turning and leaving with the rest of them.

He turned back to her, "Alright."

Edward was beside her in a split second, "Are you sure about this?" His touch was gentle but it only amplified the feeling that she was, in fact, doing the right thing. She just knew.

Bella cupped his face, eyes never leaving his, "Yes. Come with me?"

"Anywhere," Edward vowed without hesitation and the depths of his devotion soothed her riotous heart. "Anywhere, Bella."

She took his hand and looked to Jacob, who was doing an admirable job of not vomiting at the sight of their open affection.

"Let's go."

x-x-x

Standing on the cliff was surreal, like something from a distant dream that she couldn't completely shake. The humid air around the ocean clung to her skin and hair, along with the brush of Edward's soft lips as the minutes ticked by. Despite the raging emotions within, Bella couldn't help but melt into him each time his lips made another pass across her skin. She knew he was doing it on purpose, in an effort to keep her present and grounded in reality with him… she knew she was scaring him with her oddness since returning to Forks. She knew that their ideations of forever still felt tenuous and he was terrified of losing her again. She knew Edward was constantly on edge since their return and, equally, she knew she had done nothing to dispel his anxieties.

Something was wrong with her and it needed to be corrected if they were going to move forward as they'd hoped. Otherwise – Bella sighed as Edward nibbled at the juncture of her neck – otherwise, she was going to fade away and leave him to a world without her again and she knew that, while there were alot of things he could handle, that was not one of them. Quite honestly, there was nothing she desired less than to be without him.

Jacob had quickly left them to their contemplations upon arrival at the cliff with a hug and a promise of keeping in touch, since she would always know where to find him. Bella had smiled and readily agreed, even if Edward had been clearly uncomfortable with the ease of their friendship.

Bella stared out into the ocean for a long time, unmoving, unseeing as Edward stood beside her, fingers entwined and pressing kisses to the back of her hand.

"Why are we here?" He asked her softly after a time. "What are you looking for?"

"Not looking… just…" What was the right word for it? She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, allowing clarity to wash over her. "...waiting for something."

There was a palpable shift in the atmosphere surrounding them before a man appeared from a swirl of mist to her right. Bella smiled at the feeling of rightness that engulfed her as she took him in – a mop of golden-ginger curls framing milky skin and ruddy cheeks, a simple blue tunic tied at the waist with a shimmering golden rope from which hung a small cloth bag, feathered wings bracketing his ankles.

"Kair?" Edward choked in panic. "What are you doing here?"

The man cocked his head with his sapphire gaze locked intently on Bella's face, "That is the question, isn't it Isabella?"

She felt the grip on her hand tighten, "You're the one who sent Edward to me."

Kair didn't answer.

Edward's voice was trembling, "If you're here for the timestone–"

The otherworldly being silenced him with a short wave, "The stone is not a concern. What I am more interested in at the moment is why I've been summoned back to this place when you have already found each other."

Bella contemplated his words carefully before responding as honestly as she could, "The pieces of me are… configured incorrectly."

Edward softly gasped beside her but Kair simply raised a brow, "I'd be surprised if they weren't, after fracturing into so many different facets. It's only natural for pieces of you to be left behind or restructured in new ways."

"I can't live with it this way," she admitted, knowing the words would break Edward's heart and they undoubtedly did.

Her mate came to stand before her, panic and terror and despair all warring for purchase in his ochre eyes as he struggled to maintain his composure. He cupped her face and she could feel his hands were shaking, "I can't lose you again," Edward pleaded desperately. "Don't leave me, Bella. Please."

Bella kissed him softly yet forcefully enough to placate him, "I need you to trust me, like you did in Volterra. Don't you remember what I said?"

It will be a very cold day in Hell before I'm parted from you again.

The reassurance seemed to be enough for Edward to soothe the edges of his panic. He looked into her eyes for a few moments and once he was content with whatever he saw there, he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and, with great difficulty, moved back to her side.

Kair watched them with a curious expression, "What is it you would ask of me, Isabella?"

This was it – the moment that would define how the remainder of their lives would go. They could move forward from this time and place, they could leave La Push and be together and be relatively happy in the knowledge that they had found their mates. Edward and Bella could turn around and go back home, back to the Cullens and plan their next moves like nothing was different. They could put all of this madness behind them and move on, together, immortal and unchanging.

But she would always be broken. Not quite right. Never the same.

So many, many things had gone wrong. So many choices taken from them. So many mistakes that could be avoided… fixed.

So many paths stolen from them that they could have traveled together.

Bella wanted the choices. She wanted the possibilities that a life with Edward presented.

She wanted another chance to do things her own fucking way.

"I want you to send us back to the night of my birthday party," she said with conviction, not missing the way Edward stiffened but remained blessedly silent. "I want to go back to before all of this so we can try again."

Kair considered her words, "You would be human – mortal – instead of the way you are now."

"I know."

"There is every chance that Edward could leave you again," the man pressed despite Edward's affronted assertion to the contrary. "You could end up on this cliff, jumping into the ocean and be right back where you started. Have you considered that?"

Bella hesitated, eyes sliding to see Edward's devastated expression at the mere suggestion of going through all of the pain for a second time. "Would we have our memories of this if we went back? Or would it be as if it all never happened?"

"The ache in your heart will not go away just because you try again. The sorrow you knew from everything that's happened will be with you, always, should you choose to go back. The pain will lessen with time, but it will always remain because you have already lived it. 'As if it never happened' is no longer possible."

"Give us a moment, please, Kair," Edward pulled Bella towards the treeline for some privacy, lowering his voice as he brushed her loose hair back from her face. "Bella, are you sure about this? If we go back…" He swept the pad of his thumb across the purple bruising under her golden eyes. "We'll lose this."

Her voice cracked at the weight of everything she'd been shouldering, "I don't want this."

Agony ripped across Edward's angelic face and she felt like the worst sort of blasphemer for putting such an unbearable thought in his mind, "What?"

"Don't misunderstand, I want you, Edward," Bella said the words with as much passion, as much conviction and truth as it was physically possible to muster. She gripped his cheeks and forced him to watch her speak when he tried to shrink away. "I want an eternal life with you… but not like this. You left me," he flinched but she pressed on. "You left me. I jumped off a cliff just to hear your voice. I died. Over and over and over. How can you want our life together to begin that way? Cloaked in nothing but regret and misery and heartbreak?"

"It doesn't matter to me," Edward cried without physical tears, voice wavering. "I have you now, I brought you back. I don't care how it happened, Bella… I'm just thankful that it did! After searching for you for so long, I don't give a single fuck about anything that happened before. All I know is that I am finally where I belong – and that is anywhere you are."

"None of this is the way we wanted it, Edward. All of this, every piece of this life, was forced upon us in the wrong way. Doesn't that bother you?"

"No! Not when the alternative is a world where you don't exist. I can't go back to that, Bella. Don't ask me to because I can't. Loving you and watching you die, watching you suffer for my mistakes, over and over and over was something I cannot do again."

His torment was tearing her apart, shredding her heart to tatters but she knew she was right. The answers for them didn't lie in the present, they were waiting for them in the past. "I'm not asking you to. I'm just asking for you to trust that I know what I'm doing. You'd follow me anywhere, right?"

His face crumpled, "That isn't fair."

"We could go back, knowing everything we know now and learning from it. We could go back and plan our lives the way we want. You wouldn't leave me, I wouldn't jump, and someone who hated us wouldn't change me just to hurt you."

Edward looked up at that.

"She took that from me, Edward. I always wanted it to be you, to be tied to you in that way. I wanted you to be the one to…" The prospect of Edward being the one to bite her, to change her, had always been one of Bella's deepest desires though it was not a conversation he had been willing to entertain too much in the past. She had wanted to attend college with him. She had wanted to marry him, with her parents and friends alive and present. So many, many things that had been stolen and Bella was fairly certain that those stolen hopes were responsible for the multitude of holes left in her soul, for the reason she felt so wrong being back in Forks.

"Give us another chance to do things right," there was a crack of thunder overhead, lightning splitting the sky as Bella pressed her lips against his mouth. The lightning illuminated Edward's seraphic face and the boundless love, the absolute devotion shining through his eyes made her want to carve out her stone heart and place it in his hands for safekeeping because she knew that he would care for it, dutifully, always. "We can go to Dartmouth, get married, buy a house. I can stay human for 5 more years. I hardly care." Her fingers wound into the sensitive hair at the base of his skull and tugged, hard, to gain his full attention partnered with a deep groan. "As long as it's what we choose. Together."

Edward stared deep into her eyes for what felt like interminable moments and she simply waited for him to find whatever he was looking for. Slowly, so slowly, his forehead came to rest against hers and his eyes slipped closed, their sweet breaths mingling in the muggy air. One of his hands came to rest just above her heart.

"There is nothing in this world I want without you, Isabella," her mate, the one she waited the entirety of her lives for, kissed her deeply, slanting his mouth to capture hers completely and winding his free hand behind her neck to hold her close. She felt his whispered answer settle into her very bones. "Where you go, I go."

"Do you promise?"

"I swear, by this life and…" Edward chuckled softly, "any other we happen to find ourselves in."

Kair chose that moment to appear beside them, hand outstretched, a serene smile on his face. Bella held out her hand and gasped as he dropped the timestone, unmistakable in its simple beauty, into her waiting palm.

"It will take you where you asked to go," the ethereal man confirmed, "but no more. Everything after is up to you so be certain in your choice. There is no coming back to this time if you leave."

The raging storm within her finally quieted. A peace, unlike anything in recent or distant memory, swept across her and Bella let out a shaky breath of relief. She gripped the stone tightly and turned to see Edward watching her with a gentle, near worshipful smile on his lips; seemingly accepting and content with the decision. After winding their hands together, the stone pressing against both of their palms, he pulled her in close and pressed the entirety of his long, lean body against hers. The words were dropped into her mouth like the most decadent honey as she tilted her head back for him, "I'm at your mercy, Miss Swan."

"Well then," Bella breathed her answer into their kiss, "let's go home."

Their fingers tightened against each other's hands and just as their lips met, the ocean, the cliff, the world they knew fell away into nothing for the last time.