Train of Thought
Chapter 12
Two days later, Christine opened the door to Mike and Katie. Katie looked almost skeletal and had a very haunted look. As Mike had explained, Katie was in a wheelchair and didn't look strong enough to walk. Christine knelt down and gave Katie a hug.
"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry." Christine said.
"I'm so tired…" Katie said. Christine stood back up and looked to Mike.
"Do you want me to carry you into the couch, honey?" Mike asked her gently.
"Yeah." Katie said. Christine stepped out of the way so Mike could pick Katie up. He very tenderly picked her up and carried her into the living room.
"Are you either hungry?" Christine asked.
"I'm okay." Katie said as Mike settled her onto the couch.
"I'm alright." Mike answered. He helped Katie take her shoes off and settled the blanket over her lap. "Where are the kids?" Mike asked.
"Hannah and Peter are at school and Piper's napping." Christine answered.
"Katie, do you need a drink or anything?" Mike asked.
"I'm okay." Katie answered.
"Here's the remote." Christine said as she handed Katie the remote. Mike had gone back to the front porch and grabbed his and Katie's luggage, not that there was much of it.
"Do you have any coffee made?" Mike asked.
"Just from this morning. I can fix a fresh pot?" Christine suggested.
"No. This morning's coffee is fine." Mike answered. She followed him into the kitchen and waited, knowing he was upset. He got a mug out of the cabinet and began pouring the coffee. She noticed he seemed very shaky and was shocked to hear the sobs coming from him.
"Mike?" Christine asked gently. She had never heard him cry. She didn't know what else to do but wrap her arms around him and hold on.
"It…its horrible." Mike sobbed into her shoulder.
"Mommy?" Piper asked from the door. Christine handed Mike a paper towel and turned to Piper.
"Hey, sweetie. Did you have a good nap?" Christine asked as she picked Piper up. She turned her away from Mike so he had a moment to compose herself.
"Whose he?" Piper asked. It did nothing for Mike's composure.
"Piper, this is Daddy. Remember?" Christine asked, knowing Piper didn't. Mike hadn't been home for eighteen months and Piper was only three years old.
"Hi, Piper." Mike said as he held his hands out for her. Piper just looked at Christine in confusion.
"Just give her a bit of time. It won't take long." Christine said. "Do you want to cuddle with Katie?" Christine asked Piper, knowing that Piper always loved to cuddle.
"Yeah." Piper said. Christine squeezed Mike's arm before carrying Piper into Katie, who seemed thrilled to see her younger sibling. Christine suspected that Katie and Piper would both be asleep soon.
"Do you care if I go in and shower?" Mike asked.
"Of course not." Christine answered. She stopped him and gave him a long hug. Despite all the anger and frustration, he leaned into her again. He finally pulled away but kissed her forehead before heading towards their old bedroom.
Christine settled in the living room and smiled at Katie and Piper. Katie was reading to Piper and Christine listened to her for a moment before getting back up. "Katie, if you need anything, holler. I'm going to check on your dad." Christine said.
"Dad's really having a hard time, Mom. He blames himself and he's afraid that you'll leave him because of it. I heard him tell Uncle Tom that he was afraid of that." Katie said.
"I know, sweetheart. Don't worry." Christine said. She kissed the top of Katie and Piper's head and smiled down them both. Mike was still showering, so Christine settled on the bed and waited. Finally, about ten minutes later, he came back into the bedroom and looked down at Christine.
"I didn't expect to find you in here." Mike remarked.
"Mike…about the attorney…I was only exploring options. I was…angry. I have no other explanation." Christine said.
"We need to talk about this but not right now. I am exhausted." Mike said.
"Mike—" Christine started but he held a hand out.
"Not right now. I can't…I had to bathe my eighteen year old, because she was too terrified to have someone she didn't know touch her. I had to bandage her back and wrap her legs. I had to carry her. After seeing and dealing with that, I can't even talk about our marriage. This is all squarely my fault. Just give me a damn minute to process." Mike said.
"I don't think she blames you and I sure don't." Christine said.
"And that is all well and fine—but, I blame myself." Mike answered.
"And you're afraid that if I went through with the divorce, that would be your fault too, even though none of it is?" Christine asked.
"In a matter of speaking." Mike answered. He had sat down on the bed.
"Mike—I was angry. I wanted you home. Not just for me. Hannah has been a basket case. And also for the younger kids. I understand that you felt you had to be out there trying to find Katie and I'm sure she appreciates what you've done for her and the sacrifices you made. I don't know how to make this better for you. I wish I did." Christine remarked. She walked to her nightstand where she had the divorce papers stowed away. She pulled the folder out and sat down next to Mike.
"What's this?" Mike asked. She opened the folder and showed him the pack of paper that was plainly labeled 'Dissolution of Marriage.'
"I had them drawn up but hadn't signed them. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Still can't and I know you can't." Christine said as she began ripping the pages in half. Once she finished, she handed Mike the papers and folder. "This is not all on you. What happened to Katie. Its not entirely your fault. I ask that you do not put it squarely on your shoulders. Katie needed you to bathe, bandage and carry her, because she knew she could trust you. I am glad she had you there when she needed you." Christine said. She stood back up and put her hands on Mike's shoulders.
"I don't know how not to blame myself." Mike admitted.
"I don't either but I do know that there is something incredibly beautiful about Katie needing you to do those things. I know you would have preferred not having to and if I had been there, I would have been. You have always struggled with Katie. But, you she sought out." Christine said.
"Not a lot of choices for her." Mike admitted.
"There is always a choice. I'm sure there was a female crew-member that would have helped her. My point is—while you may blame yourself, Katie apparently isn't. And she is worried about you. I don't know what your plan is for your career and I am not going to pressure you, but I do think you need to take a beat. Rest, sleep, heal. Be there for Katie and for the other kids. Piper's reaction wasn't shocking. There is nothing wrong with simply needing and wanting to be a husband and father." Christine said.
"In the Navy, I know the procedures and rules. With being a husband and father, it literally changes daily. I am afraid I won't be able to keep up." Mike admitted.
"You won't know if you don't try. I personally think you can excel. Just think about it. I'm not going anywhere and the kids aren't. Katie is strong. She will recover, somehow." Christine said before giving Mike a kiss.
"I love you." Mike said after the kiss.
"And I love you. Now; I am going to go in with the girls. I suggest you take a nap. If I need you, I'll wake you up." Christine said.
"Can you wake me up before Hannah and Peter get home from school?" Mike asked.
"Absolutely." Christine answered. She gave him another kiss.
"Please wake me up if you need help? She can walk a bit but her legs get really tired." Mike said.
"I will. You rest." Christine answered. She playfully pushed Mike back onto the bed.
"Don't hesitate." Mike said. Christine smiled at him before leaving him in the bedroom alone. Katie and Piper were still reading and Katie smiled slightly at Christine.
"I got the stuff to make a cherry pie for your dad. Can you eat it too?" Christine asked.
"I think so. It sounds really good." Katie said.
"You just rest. I'll make it." Christine said.
"Make sure you put an extra cup of sugar in the cherries so they aren't too tart." Katie said.
"Yes, ma'am. Dad is sleeping but said to wake him up if needed." Christine said.
"He needs the rest." Katie remarked.
"He loves you very much, Katie." Christine said.
"I don't think I ever realized how much. He was so freaked out." Katie replied.
"Everything is going to be fine. Anything special you want for supper? I didn't go over dietary stuff with your dad before he laid down. I have chicken out." Christine asked.
"Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, creamy corn and that pie." Katie said, obviously having been thinking about her first meal at home.
"Alright." Christine said. She kissed the top of Katie's head and smiled at the way Piper was cuddled up.
Before starting dinner, Christine stuck her head into the bedroom she would share with Mike. He was sound asleep and snoring already. It made Christine smile because once Hannah and Peter got home from school, the family would finally be altogether and they could actually start healing.