I didn't want to keep you waiting in suspense too long. You've waited so long for this moment.
"Careful, don't shake him! We just can't let him loose anywhere, you know. We have to find someplace safe…"
He had run them down the same path through the same path of trees, trusting that it would be just as secure for them to escape as it had before. This patch of trees was so familiar – he thought he'd be used to this feeling of déjà vu by now – but he knew that trying to assure Elphaba of their safety with her temper frenzied like it was would be a waste of time.
"Elphaba, calm down," Fiyero said with patience, resting the cage down on the gravelly forest floor with a nearly inaudible crunch.
"Don't tell me to calm down!" she burst, whirling about. "You're not the one who just magic-spelled an entire room full of people!"
"They'll be all right," he assured her. "When it wears off they won't even know what happened, let alone know to blame you."
"And how could you possibly know anything about it?" she seethed, exasperated, as she whipped and paced around.
"Gut feeling."
"Tell your gut it should be clenched in fear. How are you so unperturbed by this?"
"I'm used to breaking rules. Judging by how many schools I got kicked out of, I'd say I got really good at it. So what's so bad about straightforward Animal rescue? Easy-peasy."
"That's not what I mean, Fiyero!" Elphaba snapped, bringing home her point with an agitated wave of her arm at him.
"Ohh, you're talking about how you're acting all crazy," he goaded roguishly. "Isn't that kind of normal for you?"
"Oh! So you think I should just keep my mouth shut! Is that what you're saying?" Fiyero didn't bother to fight her. He closed his mouth and held back an irrepressible, wry smirk as he watched her fret about. "Do you think I want to be this way? Do you think I want to care this much? Don't you know how much easier my life would be if I didn't?"
He cocked an amused brow at her tantrum, his heart swelling at its predictability. "I have an idea."
"So you think I should act more like you? Self-absorbed and shallow?" Fiyero's smug mask fell at the echoed words as suddenly the familiar doubt and self-contempt drowned out his playfulness. "Because that's all it is, Fiyero, an act. Don't pretend like it isn't."
"T-there is no pretense here," he stuttered feebly. This seemed so improbable. He was a different man, one who was meticulously self-aware. He considered arguing against her point, a part of him desperate to keep up the façade, but the commiseration in her dark, deep eyes was unnerving and humbling.
"I know you better than that," she said, gliding inward so she could put a hand on his forearm gently. He looked down where his skin felt charged and warm, admiring the green against his tan hide. "Maybe if you really were, you wouldn't be so…unhappy."
His throat closed at this truth, keeping him from saying all the things he had long wished he could say. He wished he could tell her that she was his happiness, that having her in his arms had done more to fulfill him than anything else in his life. But he allowed himself to be burdened by the truth of the future and settled for this strange companionship they shared. He didn't strive for happiness anymore; he only expected contentedness, assuming he could manage to save her at all from her fate.
"Who said I was unhappy?" he asked carefully.
Elphaba's eyes moved between his as though she was reading him. "You're not the only one who watches when you think the other person isn't looking."
A short, soft burst of breath slipped away from him, the humorless laugh disguising his anxiety. "You ever consider that maybe that's all the act? Girls like brooding bad boys."
"You keep girls at arm's length. You keep everyone there. I just don't know why."
Elphaba's fingers, svelte and stirring, slid down over his wrist and entangled with his, amiably, and all he could do was grip her hand tightly and contemplate giving into his aching heart.
"Elphaba…"
It was only months ago that he stood in front of Elphaba like this, in a different forest in a different time, and told her he loved her. And if the little Cub at their feet hadn't miserably mewled right then, Fiyero feared he might have foolishly repeated himself.
She pulled away timidly, spinning away to crouch next to the cage. "Poor little thing, its heart is trembling…I didn't mean for…" She trailed off, most likely embarrassed by her outburst.
He kneeled next to her, staring intently at her profile as she tended to the Animal through the wire. She really did care so much for this creature—it was so palpable. But she cared about him too, she always had, which was why he had once again been immune to her turbulent magic, and at this realization he knew wasn't content with contentment.
He hadn't been able to let go of this day as a reference point. He had less than a month left to fix everything. Within a week she would receive the Wizard's invitation and for the next two after that Shiz would be inundated with final exams and projects. Then the semester would be over and she would be gone.
"Elphaba, there's something I need to ask you." He drew in a silent breath, steeling himself to ask a question that in some ways might be the culmination of every moment prior to this, past and present. "When you cast that spell…why was I the only one you didn't do it to?"
He spent so long after she had disappeared going over this moment again and again in his head, and if nothing else he had to know why he had not been a victim of her anger—what made him so special. Even after everything he tried to change he was brought back to this torturous moment and he couldn't let it go again.
He watched her hazel eyes as she deliberated this fluke, this singularity, until they settled onto sharp focus onto a spot on his face. Her concentrated expression fell with her concern.
"You're bleeding…it must have scratched you."
It wasn't the Lion. It was a branch and it didn't matter. "Elphaba." Her fingertips hovered over the spot timidly, and as he put his hand over hers on his cheek she seemed to snap out of her daze. "Why? Why was I the only one you didn't do it to?"
She didn't answer, maybe unsettled by his persistence. Last time his question faded away, seemingly inconsequential compared to the strangely enlivening feeling of the slightest of contact from her. But this time, he couldn't be deterred. "Elphaba, why?"
"I…I don't know."
"You do. Please. Tell me why."
The pressure he kept on her hand increased, not wanting her to slip away, and that look of marvel that plagued his dreams seemed to settle as she took in his earnestness. The intensity of this eye contact was something that that had wholly terrified him before. This time it seemed to fill him, easing some neglected ache that he was sure stemmed from the moment he had asked her that same question years before.
"I…" She faded off, shaking her head, her eyes fluttering shut as if to shut him out, to terminate this staggering connection from which he wouldn't again try to flee.
He clutched her wrist desperately, tight enough to bruise had her skin been more delicate, as though to keep her from running as he once had. "Why was I the only one? Why?"
His grip on her was too much; he had pushed her too far. Her fearful features finally crumpled, her brows knotting over her steely eyes as her jaw clenched tightly. She twitched reactively and he screwed his eyes shut when he saw her other hand fly to slap him, anticipating a pain that didn't come. Instead he felt pressure as her hands held his face and her mouth landed clumsily on his.
It was all wrong. His face was still tense from anticipating an attack, her kiss was too hard, and it ended as quickly as it began. But he didn't care because she had just kissed him. He couldn't yet breathe. She had kissed him of her own volition. The sensation still lingered on his lips. She had kissed him.
He finally knew. She had feelings for him. The question had weighed on him for months now, heavier and heavier every day, and all at once it went away. His heart felt like it was filled to capacity with helium and his brain was infected with something far stronger that left him euphoric.
He finally opened his eyes to see her, wanting to properly share this moment with her. Her eyes were wide as saucers and the hands that moments ago had been upon his cheeks were clapped in front of her mouth, as though horrified with what she had done.
"Fiyero, I'm so sorry," she said shakily, slumping from her knees to the forest floor. "I-I don't know what came over me, I—"
A smile pulled wide across his face as he reached out to take her hand back, energized by the spark the contact elicited and the way it made her lose track of her worried words.
"Elphaba," he laughed breathily, "Just stop talking."
His heart, swollen and pulsating, was erratic against his ribs as he memorized her brilliant but mystified eyes one last time before he leaned forward and claimed her mouth with his.
Had anyone in history ever experienced a moment like this? To properly relive such a highlight such as a first kiss, in all of its innocence and purity? Sweet Oz, her lips… He kissed them slowly and they were as warm and soft as he remembered, if not more, and kissed them again, and again.
Unsure of herself, she seemed afraid to react, but her hands finally settled on his chest as she inevitably surrendered to him, responding to his gentle kisses with her own until he felt dizzy with emotion. Wrapping an arm around her he pulled her closer, losing himself in the sensation of her lips, sweet and tender against his.
It was incredible. She was incredible.
She sighed between kisses, murmuring his name, but after so long of waiting he wanted more. His fingers became lost in her hair as he sought her mouth again, his chaste kisses growing more eager.
Part of him was terrified, unsure what consequences this selfish moment would have. In another future, when Fiyero had taken Elphaba's first kiss from her, that moment and each one after that was likely to be their last and their passions quickly overtook them, frantic to actually believe they had one another even if it just for one night. But this Elphaba lived every day dreaming of a future he spent his whole existence hoping to give to her. She didn't fear for her life. She wasn't the monster parents warned their children about. She was just Elphaba, the green girl who was rarely touched and who rarely touched.
But she touched him now. Her hand had returned to his cheek, her fingertips clinging to his skin as she forwent her diffidence and kissed him more firmly. His tongue sought out her lip and she gasped slightly at the contact, pulling away. He opened his eyes to see her tempestuous ones boring into him, stirring up fear of judgment, until she peeked down to his mouth again and reclosed the small distance between them, experimentally reciprocating his earlier action.
Fiyero deepened the kiss then and she moaned softly at the new, pleasurable sensation, but a horribly loud wail filled the clearing as the forgotten Cub cried out, frightening them both. They broke apart. Wide eyes, heavy breaths between parted, sensitive lips, and silence existed between them – for just a couple of seconds, maybe, but to Fiyero it could have also been entire minutes – until the Cat interrupted it again with its miserable yowl. Elphaba finally twisted around over the cage and attempted to soothe the Animal.
He reached out toward the handle of the cage, his golden hand almost overlapping her green one upon its latticed surface. And even with the slow, slight tests of physical contact they had had up until now, suddenly touching her hand set his skin ablaze; perhaps the heat of their momentary passion still lingered under the surface. As though she felt it too, she jolted her hand away nervously.
"I-I have to go," she blurted, stumbling backwards over the uneven ground as she hastily stood.
Fiyero rose as well, a feeling of hurt filling him as he took in her expression of panic and regret. "Elphaba?"
"I'm sorry, I-I…." she stuttered. Flustered with the explanation he needed trapped within her, she merely threw up her hands and staggered away.
"Stop," he begged softly at her back. His wish went unheeded, however, and at a loss he simply stood there, cage in hand. Her dark and otherworldly gaze glanced back, only for a moment, but fell to the ground as she retreated from the clearing. Just as she was about to release a handful of hindering branches, hiding her from him indefinitely, he called out her name again, but this time she wouldn't look at him.
He wanted her to stay; he wanted to talk to her about what just happened, he wanted to alter the events of the upcoming three weeks, and most of all he wanted to kiss her again. He was little better than an addict relapsing: he craved to feel her, to fill his arms with her and to saturate his senses with her, to somehow open himself up to her even if he didn't tell her the truth.
But he had an obligation to this pitiable creature whether he liked it or not. So as much as he wanted to run after her, stop her, shake her, demand understanding, then kiss her until the impossible moment that his heart would calm itself again, he watched her disappear into the forest and listened until the rustling of branches, the snapping of twigs, and the shifting of rocks faded away until only the woeful noises of the tiny Animal were left for him.
"I feel you, little guy," he said miserably.
What just happened?