That's I'M back! It's been almost two months since my last update but here I am with an actual chapter. The final part of Friendzy. Crap this took a long time to do but of course I had to cut some out. However, I'll just put it in a cut-content chapter.
A poll should up regarding what should I do. An omake, cut content or preview? Vote and see what's up until the next official chapter.
Now the reviews. Before you do that, check out my Deviant Art page. I uploaded a commission for a scene that I wanted to get to for Crystal Prison.
NiteOwl18: It's a call back to one of the earliest theories in Loud House
Guest: The preview takes wayyyyyy far into the story. I based it on the Family Guy trip to the Multiverse special and a bit from Rick & Morty.
DaleJr.88: I already have some scenes ready for previews so it'll be an easy chapter. Plus these are like rough drafts as I'm definitely changing what happened in that scene. For Crystal Prison, I was torn between whether or not I'll have Dusk Shine transfer to CHS as in canon. I decided not too so I can explore these characters. So omakes in Crystal Prison will be scenes/chapters I had in mind if Dusk Shine transferred to CHS. I can make those previews if you want.
Starlight's first victim isn't Cinch
Remember this is a preview, so it's expected to change later now.
Samtastic 3.0: Yes, it's how Lincoln is mentally referring them
QOTD: Give me some Omake ideas please. I have some in mind but they're more on the mature side aka action scenes with killing. So I might have to put them on the Logbook page or create a different for them
Royal wood students entered a significant-sized establishment called the Nexus. It's a subsidiary and/or partnership of the Atlas gym and Royal Knights catered towards fictional worlds and events. Ever wanted to play Star Wars BattleFront laser tag as a clone, rebel, or Empire stormtrooper? Play flag football with quidditch. Oh wait, never mind, it's an actual sport. Also, the last time I checked, they changed the name because the author has been … controversial lately. Also, I've never read the Harry Potter books or seen the movies, but I know she wrote some notable characterizations. Test your endurance by escaping a horde of Daleks. And more. The elementary students, older counterparts, and other visitors signed up for their events. Employees handed them their gear, safety equipment, and identification number.
"Looks like Jedi and Sith are randomized," Lincoln acknowledged the lack of symbols on their numbers as they strolled to the waiting area.
Zach checked the rules. "I guess it's to make it fair," He shrugged while strapping on his pads. More kids arrived and signed up for the event. Superintendent Chen broadcasted it throughout the school districts.
"Nice. An Old republic style all-out brawl," Mollie grinned along with some of the girls. It's insulting how modern Star Wars movies just ignored the Expanded Universe. So much lore wasted. Speaking of which, I should get some Star Wars books. Several gave their lightsabers a practice swing to experience how it felt in their grasp. They were told not to activate them until the event started. No spoilers.
"Yo, Lincoln," Polly's gruff voice called out to him, holding a saber as she stepped towards the frost-haired boy. Damn, she thought she was late.
"Hey, Polly," Lincoln smiled, giving her a wave and a smile. She got his message. All he has to do is wait for Rusty.
"What's good, babe?" Rusty interrupted, sliding over to rollerskater. There it is. "Want to check out my double-sided lightsaber?" He grinned, twirling the device between his fingers. First of all, it's called a Saberstaff. Polly rolled her eyes at the curly-haired redhead. The annoyance was mutual among his classmates. Just give it up already. Lincoln has her phone number and gets a smooch from her.
Polly glanced at Lincoln with a frown as Rusty continued to chat. "Do I really have to do this?" She mouthed, attempting to distance herself. Lincoln nodded. It's all a part of the plan. Polly suppressed a grumble, enduring it until then. More students entered the lobby.
"Lynn?" Lincoln arched his brow at his older sister. This wasn't the type of athletic event that she would associate herself with. His classmates groaned at her appearance. They have LYNN LOUD joining them?! Goddamnit. Another thought slithered into their minds, erupted a cold sweat on their bodies as they viewed the siblings. Oh no. Are they going to work together?
"Sup, Linc," The ponytail athlete greeted as several teammates prepared their gear for the event.
"What are you doing here?" Lincoln asked, wondering why she was there as he approached her. He nodded to Margo. There were dozens to over a hundred students here for this Jedi vs. Sith event.
"Coach said we need to do some team building exercises outside of school," Lynn quoted. Two saber hilts hung on her waist. Huh..she's going for a two-sword style. Lincoln made a note of that. He predicted what techniques Lynn could use if they were competing against each other. Form 5 is an absolute. It suits her brutal and straightforward personality and her drive to dominate others physically.
An employee walked in. "Can I have your attention, please?" They announced, waiting for their chattering to halt. "Did everyone scan the QR code?" "Okay, you'll be divided into groups—a Sith or Jedi. You'll get a notification when a fellow member gets eliminated. The team with the most members at the end wins," They explained when another worker whispered in their ear. "It's time to start," The students cheered as they rushed in to compete. A significant time has passed, with each philosophy battling against the other. The Jedi ideology slowly edged out their lead. Now, it's time for a break. Several students enjoyed the provided refreshments and wiping the sweat from their faces. It's tough moving around while battling multiple foes.
Alexandria scanned the area. "Where's Lincoln?" She asked. They also started looking for the platinum-blonde classmate. "Wasn't he with you?" She pointed to his classmates. They shook their heads.
"Not my group either," Haiku and Cristina clarified, holding a curved hilt lightsaber. He must still be competing in this event because he wasn't eliminated. Was Lincoln an enemy or an ally? A group exited, displaying a dejected Middle school sports team, while Lynn and Margo looked indifferent.
"Did you all lose?" Clyde questioned. Holy crap, Lynn and her crew got eliminated? That's not good. Although it makes that they won't have to face them. Wait, weren't they all Jedi?
"Yep," Lynn sighed, removing the safety gear. "Lincoln kicked our asses," She gestured to the door behind her.
"Lincoln?!" They exclaimed at her casual tone. The other girls nodded to confirm Lynn's statement. They barely stood a chance.
It happened so rapidly.
The girls strolled into the arena, their confidence roaring after several victories. These girls were a highly coordinated team. All they had was a solitary opponent after facing dozens? Easy. Oh, so they thought. Their opponent was Lincoln, given his silky white hair and buck teeth. They activated their blue and green sabers, raising them to engage their foe with boastful grins. Lincoln opened his stance, gesturing for them to face them. Three charged in, attempting to overwhelm him with their numbers advantage.
Futile.
A blurring flurry of burning amber light swiped away their strikes as if they were ping-pong balls. Shock rattled their aghast, widened eyes. How did he do that?! Lincoln didn't allow them to process before dispatching the two with an arching slash.
Two down. Eight more to go.
His brilliant sapphire eyes became corrupted ambers, burning with wrath and fueled by hatred. Margo stared at Lynn, blankly gesturing at his form as if she were telling her captain, 'I told you so.' Villain origin. Lynn rolled her eyes before flicking on her blue blades. She charged as he did. A battle between siblings was about to occur. However, Lincoln avoided her to their older girls' alarm, driving his pursuit to Margo. The cocaptain's eyes widened at his choice. Why her? No time to question it. Margo was barely able to block the strike with her green saber. She grunted as she jumped away from the slash. Like a hunter, Lincoln mercilessly bombarded her with his slashes, pushing Margo on the defensive, desperately holding on to her weapon. More of her teammates rushed in to save her. Lincoln smacked the saber out of Margo's palm, grabbed it before it hit the ground, and slashed her neck.
That's three.
He threw the sword at the three incoming girls. Hannah moved her head to avoid the rotating blade. The other girls' eyes followed it. That distraction was all Lincoln needed to conduct his attack pattern. One, two, three slashes. Hannah was first with a scarlet slice across the chest. Lincoln blocked an attack from behind; he grabbed Hannah's wrist and yanked her into her teammate. His body twirled and pierced the midsection of a blonde pigtailed girl. The final girl's heart raced as she pushed Hannah off her. Where is he?
"BEHIND YOU!" One of them yelled, but it was too late. A blazing scarlet avalanche loomed over her head before Lincoln crashed it on her back. His lifeless eyes surveyed the area.
That's six—more than halfway there.
They formed a perimeter around him. Their neon blue and green blades prepared to strike Lincoln down. The girls tightened their bodies upon witnessing his move. He needed to scratch his nose. Ah, much better. Lincoln opened his stance, asking, even begging them to rush in and attack him. They did.
Lincoln leaped, evading their assault. He landed behind one, slashing their back before kicking another's back knee. The sudden attack rumbled her stability, bringing her to the ground when a streak of blazing crimson raced across her neck.
That's four. Lincoln's almost finished. He exhaled, briefly relaxing when Lynn's battle roar tingled his senses. His blade blocked the attack from behind without looking. She's still physically stronger than him. Her team is devising a strategy to take him down. How cute. It's time for … a pro gamer move. Lynn grunted when Lincoln shoved her away. Crap, he's getting stronger. The siblings circled around each other, attempting to find a gap in the other's defenses. Lincoln's body remained loose and mobile, keeping a clear head for the battle while Lynn's team continued to craft their next move. Neither spoke before rushing in. Their glowing blades and forms were a blinding whirlwind of red and blue. If Lynn couldn't find an opening, she'll forcibly create one. Her muscles had that familiar burn she enjoyed when pushing herself to her limits. Lincoln must be on his own too. He's battling several Jedi solo. His muscles have to be screaming at him to stop.
All she has to do is win this battle of attrition or create an exploitable gap in Lincoln's defense for her team. He's effortlessly parrying all of her attacks like a replayable boss fight. It's annoying. Lynn exacerbated her assault, bombarding Lincoln's defenses as he jumped back to separate from her aggression. She bolted with a leap. Not wanting to give Lincoln a second even to sweat. Lynn readied an overhead slash, brightening her saber to Lincoln's feature. He evaded with a split, and her eyes widened at the sight of one of her teammates. WHAT? It's too late to retract her attack, eliminating a fellow Jedi in Lincoln's stead.
That's three.
Before Lynn could blink and react. Lincoln snatched her fallen ally's green lightsaber, activating the blue saber to whack her leg. She flinched at the sudden attack. He twirled, smacking Lynn's weapon in the air. 3 slashes across the toned body completed the job. Two across the chest in an X-shape and another in the transverse at the neck. He caught his sister's blade. Before launching it to one of the remaining girls, a blue glow highlighted his features.
That's two remaining. Lincoln anchored his gaze on the final two shivering girls. His scarlet saber ran hot. Fear knots dugged into their throats, leaving them unable to speak. He wiped on their entire team solo. What can they do? Lincoln charged at the pair, finishing the job for the Sith order and the dark side of the Force.
Lincoln's classmates held a collective breath as Lynn concluded her story—a full team wipe. They had a few options right now. Run away, join the Dark side, or fight to claim victory. Escaping looks mighty fine this afternoon.
"Will the last set of Jedi please proceed to Arena 4?" One of the workers announced from the intercom. Crap, that's them. They marched to the location, clutching their weapons in their stressed white knuckles. An entire team of athletes. Eliminated. All by Lincoln's hands and nobody else's. Shit. What can we do? They passed Renee and her group.
"Are you up next?" The comic lover asked. They nodded. "Buckle up," Renee warned as her team muttered to agree.
"Was it Lincoln?"
"Kinda did. He had a team with him," Renee continued with a so-so-hand gesture. Their mission was to protect the Senator. She groaned at the nonchalant Mall QT, still texting on her phone. Crap, what name did I have for you? Rebecca? Damn, it's been several years since I've even introduced you. Screw it. Rebecca will be your placeholder name until I find something better. Rebecca did nothing! Literally, not a single thing during the whole mission. The rules enabled her to fight back but nope. She just sat there with her roundtable of white knights doing nothing while they were getting swept, like Heather from Total drama during the deer hunting challenge. Man, that was a throwback. Remember when Heather was the most hated character in that franchise. Lincoln and his forces steamrolled through their compound with brutal efficiency. Renee understands that his grandfather was military and Lincoln's one of the most competent people in school, but what the fuck was that shit all about?! That was a violation! She released a frustrated exhale, glaring at Rebecca as they walked off. Rusty gave Mall QT a flirtatious wink. She raised her brow in confusion but curious about what he'll do.
Each of the Jedi's hearts thundered into their ears as they crept through the dimly lit hallway. A thick double door awaited them, with a pair of hooded employees opening the children to their fates.
"Oh crap," One of them whispered. A sinister masked figure in obsidian robes rested on a callous throne in the middle of the room. They entered a boss fight area. Lincoln sat with his legs crossed, drumming his index finger against his hand. No fear in his posture, fully expecting them to challenge him. He arose. All activated their lightsabers in response. Their features were rife with anxious determination. His steps echoed, stiffening the foolish Jedis's body, partly sliding back as he approached them with a blade. Fuck, Lincoln has a health bar.
Rusty stepped forward. "Surrender, Lincoln; we have you outnumbered and outmatched," He raised his double-sided blade at him. Oh yeah, taking charge in this situation. A smile slides on his face knowing that it'll impress the ladies.
"Outnumbered. Yes. Outmatched. Definitely not," Lincoln boasted, his voice low and resolute through his mask. "All I see is target practice," He corrected, unsheathing his roaring crimson blade with wrath born of betrayal. They waited with baited breaths at his declaration, tightening their bodies for their fight. "However, I'm not in trouble,"
"What?" Why are there more health bars?!
"Since you naive Jedi are all about honor and fairness. How about I even the odds?" Lincoln suggested with a cruel smirk. Their eyes exploded at the offer as he snapped his fingers. Another set of doors opened behind him. "Meet my inquisitors and potential apprentices," Polly, Serena, Caroline, Evelynn, Jenny, and Courtney stood beside their master. Yes, I changed Cookie QT's name. "Now," He added, discarding his robes with toned arms on full display. "Shall we begin?"
"Fuck that's hot," Molly muttered huskily. Her team gave her a dumbfounded expression like is she serious right now. Rusty rolled his eyes and rushed in. Polly intercepted the strike as they engaged in a gridlock.
"You have to get through me first," She growled, pushing him to continue their duel. Lincoln signaled for the rest to engage. Serena battled Alexandria using a lance-type weapon against the grappler's two short swords. Caroline and Evelynn charged toward Haiku and Evelynn. Jenny and Courntery targeted their primary friends, Mollie and Girl Jordan. That leaves Lincoln with Liam, Clyde, Zach, and Stella. The soul-stained hair warrior charged at his so-called friends.
They understood why he was the man with the plan. The leader of his friend group. Lincoln became the eye of the storm. His swordsmanship created an impenetrable barrier around him as he blocked, parried, and evaded their attacks. How? The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider unnatural. Their attacks gradually became sloppy, uncoordinated, and laggy. That's enough of Soresu. He created distance between himself and his friends. He changed his stance, holding his blade above his head at an angle. Time for a counterattack. Lincoln advanced at Liam and Zach, obliterating their defenses with wide, destructive strikes, disarming the farmboy, and launching the weapon at Polly. She catches it, resuming her match with Rusty while ignoring his flirting attempts. Lincoln's blade diagonally slashed across Liam's chest before focusing his attention on Zach and then piercing his gut. He blocked an attack from Clyde, launching his lightsaber in the air. It landed in Lincoln's palm as he turned at the backpedaling Clyde.
"What's wrong?" Lincoln taunted, twirling the lightsaber between his fingers as he approached. "Life before your eyes, Jedi?" He tossed the weapon at his feet. "Pick it up," Lincoln challenged in a molten tone, rumbling with vengeful arrogance. Clyde's eyes bounced between the weapon and Lincoln. "Pick. It. Up." Lincoln repeated as Clyde hyperventilated when his instincts yelled at him. Stella sneaked behind him, pouncing with an avalanche strike. He sidestepped, avoiding the attack, but she continued the onslaught. They got a smile on their faces. The pair's movement resembled a choreographed dance. Lincoln gained the upper hand, tripping Stella onto her back with his crimson lightsaber mere inches from her face. He withdrew his weapon and offered his hand instead. It conveys a simple message.
Join the Dark Side
Stella smiled as she grabbed his hand, fully accepting his offer. They stood together. Her bright blue lightsaber morphed into a haunting crimson. Mollie was out, as well as Cristina and Jenny. The Jedi were outnumbered.
"Submit," Lincoln demanded. His acolytes knelt before him, as did the Jedi one by one. Except for Rusty, standing defiant like a mighty tree in the desert.
"Never," He charged. Lincoln rolled his eyes, handing Polly his blade before stripping off his armor and brandishing his beskar arm guards. Some of the girls purred, biting their lips at his physique.
The boys battled. Rusty pushed his body to the limits, using aggressive moves to break Lincoln's defense. It didn't work. Lincoln predicted all of Rusty's movements like a Dark Souls speedrunner. He almost looked bored while blocking all of Rusty's attacks. What's for dinner tonight? Better end this. Lincoln grabbed Rusty's dual-sided blade as the two struggled for control until one of Lincoln's fingers found the detachment switch. The weapon separated.
"What the?" Rusty muttered, confused at what had occurred. That brief moment was more than enough for the Sith to win. Lincoln strolled by with a horizontal green slash with the Imperial March playing in the background. Polly handed Lincoln his items as they walked with a dumbfounded Rusty glaring at them.
The event ended a few minutes later, with everyone returning the equipment. They were provided with refreshments. Rebecca scanned the area for a particular white-haired male. She smiled. There he is. Crap, Lincoln's talking to several of his classmates. There's nothing she can just barge her way through. Hm. Rusty was making a mega sandwich at a nearby table. Rebecca smiled as she sashayed towards him. He'll do.
For now, that is. Who knows, maybe she'll has some fun with it.
Note: Rebecca is going to be a problem.
Ronnie Anne and her family were watching television when her phone buzzed. She smiled. It's a message from Lincoln. A photo? Her family smirked at the unique notification sound.
"Oh, is that Lincoln?" Carlota teased, leaning in, attempting to see the message. It has to be good.
Ronnie Anne hid the screen, holding it against her body. "Yes," She glared at her niche media star cousin. Her thumb selected the notification. "Dios mio," Ronnie Anne muttered with blazing cheeks and a blank expression. Carlota peeked at the photo. It was definitely Lincoln. As a sith lord?
"Damn, he's been working out," She whistled at his toned physique. Lincoln wore a solid black sleeveless shirt displaying his lithe arms and movable ebony pants. He held a cloak over his shoulder and a blazing scarlet lightsaber. His expression was coy, even flirtatious, as he took the picture with a caption saying, 'Want to join the Dark Side with me?' "Ronnie?" Maria attempted to reach her daughter's attention by snapping her fingers. Nothing. She glanced at the photo. "Oh, that's why," Her daughter is memorized, and there's the look and mild nosebleed. The nurse wiped her nose.
"I'll be in my room for a while," Ronnie Anne announced, stepping towards her room with bright cheeks and focusing intensely on Lincoln's picture. "To do something. Alone. In private," She continued before closing her room door.
Carlos opened his mouth. "We'll tell you when you're older," His father interrupted.
"It's a simple question," Carlos continued his question hoping for an answer.
"When you're older!" Everyone shouted. Carlos shrugged and continued to watch the show.
It's a crisp mid-morning on this lovely weekend. Lincoln made his rounds around the neighborhood, delivering papers and getting pocket money as the sun gradually increased in intensity as the hours rolled by. Hey, comics and art supplies are pretty pricey. A good set of art pencils can cost around $15-$20 at the minimum for a beginner. I'm lucky that I'm sticking with the generic brands. Lincoln parked his bike near the last house on his route. He wiped his forehead while approaching the door. Damn, it's getting hot. He knocked. A disheveled Cristina opened the door. Her crimson hair was messy with random upright strands. Heavy bags lay under her weary eyes. The whiff of aromatic coffee from her cup breezed to his nose. She just woke up. Her form was covered by a DBZ shirt with shorts while holding a body pillow of Kakashi.
"Morning, Cristina," Lincoln greeted with a smile.
"Morning, Lincoln," Cristina replied with a yawn before closing her eyes to take a sip. Maybe she should've added some sweeter to this. Anabelle likes it strong. Her eyes widened a split second later, entirely accepting of his appearance. Cristina spat out her coffee before engaging in a coughing fit.
"Are you okay?" Lincoln asked, worried about his former crush.
"I'm fine. Give me a minute," Cristina choked out, closing the door behind her and leaving a small crack for him to view. She needs to look presentable.
"Who's at the door?" Annabelle casually asked while watching tv on the couch. They weren't expecting any visitors today. Well, there's the newspaper.
"Put some clothes on," Cristina demanded hoarsely as she went up the stairs. Thankful that the coffee wasn't hot, her breath reeked of the energizing beverage. Her cousin was shirtless, letting the girls breathe. Don't worry. I'll have an Annabelle chapter sometime in the far future. Lincoln whistled, averting his gaze from the door crack. His blue eyes darted. Should he take a glance? Is it worth the risk right now?
"It's hot as balls out here," Annabelle complained with a thin sweat coating. The AC just had to be busted and could only operate on low power. Fantastic. I'm in Texas, so I know how you feel. "If somebody sees, then it's their lucky day," Lincoln peeked through the opening, still keeping his distance. Is it his lucky day?"
"It's Lincoln with the papers!" Cristina yelled as she climbed the stairs
"Oh…then why didn't you say that earlier?" Annabelle questioned as she stood up to find a shirt. She sighed. Only finding a rather low-cut tank top. It's only for a few seconds. "Morning, Lincoln," She smiled.
Lincoln's face heated at her appearance. Her breasts were in clear view under her t-shirt. His adolescent eyes trailed down her thighs. She wasn't trying to be seductive, but Belle had that effect on him. "Morning," The argent-haired boy stammered, averting his gaze and focusing on his newspaper bag. "Here's your paper," He handed her a rolled-up newspaper. Lincoln took a gentlemen's glance at her chest. Holy shit, she wasn't wearing a bra. Mhmm. He'll make this a core memory and keep this to himself. The guys will kill him if he says something.
"Thanks, see you later, Lincoln," Annabelle smiled as she handed him the money. She padded his head before closing the door. Lincoln returned to his bike, gazing at the slightly damp dollar bills. His eyes darted around for any onlookers as he brought money closer to his nose.
"SIMP!" An otherworldly voice shouted, frightening him and forcing Lincoln to put the cash into his pocket. Yeah, that's better. You're the MC, Lincoln; I won't have you simping in my story unless it's for a lemon chapter and it's the respectful type. His eyes bounced around for anything bystanders before peddling away toward his home, completing his route.
Several minutes passed, and the sun was in full force with a mild periodic breeze giving respite. Lincoln parked his bike with a deep exhale. He reached for his water bottle while wiping sweat from his brow. "Hey, Lincoln," Jancey called from behind him.
"Hey, Mrs. Yate…," Lincoln greeted, his blue eyes expanding as his voice dragged at another core memory. What is this new core memory? The neighbor's hot wife jogs in a form-fitting sports tank top and shorts. Lincoln's eyes followed Jancey as she jogged against the sidewalk while listening to one of her playlists. Her chest bounced with each step as the sun shone on her glistening skin.
He guzzled his water as this image generated a GRAND THIRST! "Thank you, God," The frost-haired lad made the sign of the cross once her lovely figure gradually became a dot on the horizon. You're welcome, and maybe I should do another chapter with Jancey. Lincoln entered his unusually silent house. That's weird. He scanned the area and listened for any sounds of chatter. Where's everyone right now?
Lincoln reached into his pocket for his phone to check any missed messages. "Hey, we went out to run some errands. Be back in a few hours. 3 Leni," They sent this while he was on his route. Lincoln grinned, finally some proper alone time for a few hours. He sprinted to his room.
"Hello, Mrs. Yates and Annabelle," Lincoln whispered, securing the door behind him.
The Loud family returned a few moments later with their grocery bags. The majority of them rested and stocked up their supplies. Leni was carrying a shopping bag with a rainbow of fabrics when a slight noise from Lincoln's room caught her attention. She pressed her ear against the door. Her features erupted in a pink spread upon hearing his moans. Oh…let's give him some privacy.
"Hey, Leni, is Lincoln in his room? We need him to help with groceries," Lori interrupted, startling her younger sister. The fashionista blocked the door with her body.
"He's busy," Leni implied, wondering how to articulate her following sentence. "He's practicing some … self-love at the moment," She paused before air quoting with her fingers, hoping that Lori could comprehend.
"Self-love?" Lori repeated, confused about what Leni meant. A short moan from Lincoln's room clarified any misconceptions. "Oh," Both flushed at the sound. Mrs. Yates' name was on his lips and mind. "I'll talk to him later," Lori muttered, with Leni nodding to confirm. The two blondes went downstairs to assist their family. "Where's Luan?" The eldest asked for the comedian.
"She went upstairs," Lynn Jr. answered with a grunt, carrying tote bags and one between her teeth. Quite sure that's not healthy. However, this freaking maniac supported her ENTIRE family on her back without issue. The eldest sisters shared a wide-eyed look. Oh no.
"Hey, Linc-OH, MY GOD!" Luan said while entering Lincoln's room without knocking before unleashing a blood-curdling scream.
"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!" Lincoln ordered as Luan sprinted out of the room and slid down the stairs. She collapsed on the floor, panting like a fish drowning in the air with widened, aghast eyes.
"He was, he was-EW!" Luan stammered, unable to complete that horrid sentence as she scrubbed her plagued eyes on her pale face.
"Self-stimulating?" Lisa filled in the blanks. Most of his family blushed, sharing awkward looks—Lincoln is at that age of self-discovery. What did they expect when they left a young boy home alone for a few hours?
"I can't unsee it!" Luan wailed, recalling what she had witnessed. See? This is why we knock on people's doors before we enter them. She crawled over to Lisa and grabbed her shoulders. "Do you have anything that can wipe or block off memories?" The jokester pleaded and shook the scientist for a reply. A memory wiper is a rudimentary task from everything Lisa could create.
"Yes," Lisa confirmed, fixing her uneven glasses. Luan smiled. YES! She can scrub that image like a Mr. Clean magic eraser. "However," The researcher stated, dashing any of the jester's hopes. "I only use it for extreme situations," Lisa clarified. She used it a few times.
Luan dropped her and curled into a ball. "MY VIRGIN EYES!" She wailed hoarsely into the carpet.
"I've seen your internet history," Luna countered, narrowing her eyes at her roommate. "You're sick," The rocker accused, pointing a judgemental finger. Luan rolled her eyes before getting up. An awkward dinner occurred for Lincoln and Luan a few short hours later. However, they have a bigger fish to fry. Their father got a hold of a potential investor coming up for his restaurant.
They need to be ready.
The Loud Family waited with baited breaths as Timothy sampled the last course. They cheered when he complimented the food, saying it was that traditional family home-cooked meal vibe. He can taste the love and effort a genuine family can emit.
"How about some dessert?" Lincoln suggested with a clap of his hands for this celebration. His family stared at him and his father. Lynn Sr. shrugged, wiping his tears. He has no idea about the dessert.
"Sure, why not?" Timothy shrugged, easing into the chair. He had an excellent meal, so a bit of dessert won't kill him. Lincoln nodded and opened the freezer while Lisa went to the fridge. They raised their brows at the metal box; he rested it on the table. Lincoln's fingers entered the access code.
"Access granted," The box opened with a chilly air, summoning goosebumps on Timothy's skin. The food critic adjusted his shades. Now, this is fancy. Inside the box was an array of delicious-looking chocolates labeled and shaped into bars or spheres—milk, dark, white, and bitter. His sisters licked their lips at the heavenly sight. Where was this? When did they do this?! And more importantly, can they get some?
"Pick a number," Lincoln suggested, gesturing to the box's options. The food critic scanned his potential options. All were great. You don't become a food critic by becoming picky. Appreciating food is a key component of his work.
"What does the chef recommend?" Timothy suggested. It's a safe option to ask the professional.
"Each chocolate is suitable for a range of dishes. Some are more preferred than others; therefore, it's all up to the customer's choice," Lisa explained.
"I'll try this one," Timothy decided after a quick-thinking process.
"Friendbot," Lisa ordered with a clap. A child-sized robot entered through the back door hovering above them. His chest opened, revealing a rumbling tub as smooth vanilla ice cream flowed into the bowl. Lincoln grabbed one of the dark chocolate treats and gingerly placed it on the ice cream. Lisa handed him a kitchen-style blow touch. With a few clicks, the gentle, intense flame melted the chocolate revealing its light creamy caramel inside. Their eyes sparkled as the sweet substance oozed on the creamy vanilla ice cream. Oh, that's REAL GOOD STUFF! Lisa handed Lincoln a tiny vial with a medicine dropper. He methodically squeezed a single orange droplet. Dish completed.
Lincoln slid the desert to him. "Dig in," He instructed, placing a shiny spoon into the bowl. Timothy's heart echoed into his ears as he twitchingly reached for the dish. Why was he hesitant? Gallons of ice cream settled into his gullet over the years. Yet this is one. Made Timothy anticipate in gluttonous joy. He grabbed the spoon, holding a tiny mountain of rich chocolate, creamy vanilla, and buttery caramel.
"It's … incredible," Timothy whispered, his starry eyes widened before devouring and slurping the dairy meal. The family cheered. Timothy's food-focused mind raced at the flavor and aroma of the ice cream. Dark chocolate and vanilla ice cream are a classic combo—impossible to fail, enabling a catalog of combinations. The sweetness of the vanilla and caramel masked the robust bitterness of the rich dark chocolate. There's something else. Tangy citrus? Was it some type of orange extract? A single drop roared the mildly sweet tang of this famous citrus fruit. Likely for those health nuts. It reduced the sweetness of the vanilla and caramel and the chilly temperature. Ideal for people with sensitive teeth. Timothy guzzled the rest like soup. "Is there more?" He pleaded, wiping his mouth, staining his purple coat, but he didn't care.
"Oh yes, there's more, but that's extra," Lincoln persuaded. These chocolates weren't cheap.
Timothy hastily wrote a cheque, handing it to the father. "Here, take it," Lynn Sr's & Rita's eyes jumped out of their skulls. That's excessive compared to what they required. The siblings smiled, allowing Timothy to have another sample. Lincoln analyzed the contents, procuring one for himself later as his family celebrated. They have their restaurant. All they need is a location and a name.
Now…it's time
Each member of the warring factions scoured their entire house for the most precious item for today—the remote control. A holy relic in such a crowded space. Why are they looking for it? Simple. Their desired shows are launching within the next few short hours. Whoever controls the remote controls the television; each group needs one member to find it, and they're set for the evening.
"UGH! Where is it?!" Lola groaned at the futility of their search. Their home isn't that spacious. They had it this morning, so where could it have gone?
Lincoln entered his home from the community center to practice his art. "I'm back-what the heck?" He announced before pausing at the sheer mess of the living room. Seat cushions were scattered across the living room, leaving the overturned seats bare. Several members of his family were on the ground, scanning every nook and cranny.
"Hey, we're trying to find the remote," Lynn Jr. grunted, holding one of the single-person chairs over her head. Lincoln rolled his eyes at their search. It's not of his concern. He already had his solution to accommodate his watch party. Lincoln left his family amidst their investigation; his arctic eyes sharpened, focusing on a living room section.
"Why didn't they look there?" He muttered while climbing up the stairs. The frost-haired smiled as he closed his door, hearing the silence and then a sudden enthusiastic scramble. That should buy him a few minutes. Their parents stop their pursuits, forcing them to clean up the mess.
"Wait a minute! He sent us on a goose chase!" Lola acknowledged, snarling as she glared at Lincoln's room door with a couch cushion in her pink-gloved hands. The sisters matched her expression and rushed up the stairs. They paused, recalling what happened with Luan, and knocked on his door.
"It's open," Lincoln answered, chatting with Liam and Clyde on Discord. His sisters barged into his room. The brother sighed, aware of the source of their frustration. "Oh boy," He turned to face them.
"You lied to us," Lola accused. His blank glare made her take a cautionary step back behind Lori.
"I didn't," Lincoln declared, resting his face on his knuckles.
"Well, you must've hidden it," Luan argued.
"I didn't watch tv this morning," Lincoln defended, glaring at his sisters. "It was you two," He pointed at Luan and Lana, who sheepishly whistled at their angry glares. Was it a joke, or did one of Lana's pets eat it? "Besides, I don't need the tv. We're heading to Lisa's bunker to watch the special," Lincoln added, gesturing to the Discord call.
"Is it okay for Hattie to join us?" Liam interjected from the computer. "She's never seen ARRGH!" His profile icon was a cowboy hat.
"Fine, as long as she brings snacks," Lincoln sighed, offering a negotiation with the farmboy. The girls groaned at their failure, unable to progress their search as they exited. They NEED to find the device.
"Honestly, Lincoln, with your herd of family, you would think they have a spare remote or something," Liam acknowledged. Spare remote? His sisters pressed their ears against the door. Did they have one somewhere in the house
"Or have Lisa make one," Clyde added to their solution. Can Lisa make one? "It shouldn't be that hard to make," He shrugged, wondering why she hadn't done it yet. The named scientist agreed with the dark-skinned male. A simple task, but she requires the proper materials from one of the local stores. Although, it's Lisa. That remote will probably have a built-in laser or a self-aware A.I. Yeesh. Each group grinned, discovering another action plan before glaring at the other. A different strategy, same outcome. Who'll win and achieve their goal?
"I KNOW, RIGHT?!" Lincoln shouted in agreement. "But do they listen to me?" He sighed, softening their sisters' stoic expressions.
"Not really," His friends replied. "We'll be there in like two hours or so,"
"Alright, I'll see you guys," Lincoln smiled before the call ended. His smile prolonged. Colder, manipulative, and plotting for the incoming events. All his sisters rushed down the stairs to their respective parents, hoping to be the first to complete their task. Everything's going as he planned. No. Can't get cocky when victory is right there on his lips. Lincoln smirked, intensified, recalling the lessons from the Laws of Power, Art of War, and 36 Stratagems. It's working.
Law 29: Plan all the way to the end.
It took excessive planning to reach this far. Whenever Lincoln did plan something, one of his sisters hops on the bandwagon and foils it. He only planned some of the way. All Lincoln was a vague understanding with the final goal in mind. His sisters copy it. Not. This. Time. Lincoln stretched in his chair, loosening his muscles, figuring out what snacks he should make for tonight. The hushed schemes of his sisters echoed in their rooms. He chuckled. Oh, their competitive nature. They don't see him as a threat which was technically accurate as he did have his methods. However, Stratagem 1: Fool the Sky to Cross the Sea helped him throughout this ordeal. It's his sister's turn to assist him.
Why?
The Third Stratagem: Kill with a Borrowed Knife. They'll do all the work for him. His phone vibrated. Lincoln's reptilian eyes scanned his room and sharpened his ears for any noises from the vents. Nothing. He covered his phone for security.
"Hey, is your family gone?" The message read. It's from Polly Pain; her username is with a skull and roller skate emoji. Surprisingly Pain is her legitimate surname. All this time, he thought it was a stage name or something.
"Nah, they're still here, so wait a few minutes," Lincoln replied. He knows his sisters would be in a romantic frenzy when he brought a girl home, especially for a movie. Although Lynn will probably kill Polly. Wait, will she be okay with Margo and him? He shrugged. That thought will happen when Lincoln's in middle school.
"Aight, bet," Polly replied with a thumbs up and smile. Everything's quiet. That's the signal to forward his plan. Lincoln exited as electronic and mechanical hums permeated from Lisa's room. Probably a design for the remote. The sixth child was greeted with an … empty living room. Where's everyone? He peeked through the window, discovering all of the blondes in Vanzilla. At least they cleaned up the living. Huh? Lori wasn't in the driver's seat, so Rita was driving. But where is she? The bathroom? Lincoln entered the dining room, finding a grapefruit on the table.
"It's cut weird," He examined the citrus fruit's remains. The entire vertical center was removed. Where's the rest? Why would someone … cut … it … like…that? His pallid face made a gagging sound, tossing the sullied fruit away. He remembered that video Rusty showed them. "EWWWWWWW," Lincoln shuddered; there goes his appetite for the evening.
"Hey, sweetie," Rita entered the room with a charming jingle in her tone. Lincoln surveyed her glossy lips with a faint scent of grapefruits. It was her. He grimaced at her approach. "Can you tell me what models are compatible with our tv, please?" She requested with a praying hand gesture, keeping her smile. Please be on the Blonde Squad side. He's technically a fellow blonde.
His blank features search through his phone for compatible models at a reasonable price. "It's one of these models," Lincoln displayed a remote, keeping his distance. The sickly sweet grapefruit eroded his nose.
Rita's smile widened. The store's location is within an hour from the house. That's why Lincoln is her favorite overall. "Thank yo-eek!" She went in for a hug when he squirted her with a homemade cleaner. Rita coughed at the sour apple vinegar taste in her mouth. Sweet lord, why was it so strong? To show that it works, Rita.
"Wipe. Your. Mouth," Lincoln declared with piercing eyes, holding the squirt bottle with a direct shot to her face. "I know what you did with that grapefruit," He gave his mother a heavy-lidded stare with an accusing whisper. Rita blushed, forgetting to take that with her. "You better hurry up before Lisa shows up with a plan," Lincoln gestured his head to the door. Rita nodded, sprinting to the door with the car keys securely in her palm. Vanzilla rumbled and screeched across the street to start their quest.
His phone buzzed. "I'm in. Keep you posted," An incoming message read. Good. One of his moles relayed their status as they traveled to the store.
"Lincoln…where's … your mother?" His father breathed heavily, entering the kitchen with wobbly legs, holding the doorway for support. Rita hasn't done anything like that before. Fuck, you can find all types of tips and tricks online. You can't find that in a magazine.
"She left 5 minutes ago to one of the markets," Lincoln revealed as Lynn Sr. groaned. She has a massive head start.
"Don't worry, Patriarchal figure, I acquired some transportation for us," Lisa divulged to her family. Of course, she has her own transportation. "Please follow me," She instructed her ecstatic family as they followed her to the backyard. A slight rumble appeared before the roar of jet engines launched into the sky, alerting the neighborhood. Lincoln's all alone for an hour or so. That's more than enough to complete his plan.
/
Another message. "We're in Lincoln. Will regularly update on the mission," He nodded and headed to the kitchen. But first.
"They're gone. So come over," Lincoln sent the message. Message Received.
"On my way," Polly smiled. Lincoln spent several minutes in the kitchen preparing his spread for the night. They decided to have a pot-luck-style party. Someone knocked on the door. "Sup, bunny boy," Polly greeted as the door opened with her snacks and drinks.
"Hey, Polly," Lincoln smiled as he let her inside. His neck hairs raised from his taut skin. Someone's in here. Something Lincoln hasn't experienced in quite some time. It's above them. Oh crap, it's him again.
"Do I just put this on the table?" Polly asked, ignorant of the looming threat. A pair of haunting emerald eyes reflected from the soda cans. "What the fuck is that?!" Her body chilled at the robotic intruder hanging on the ceiling like an ambush spider. The robot pounced, its eyes blazing with radioactive hatred and purpose. A flying knee from Lincoln shattered the machine's jaw, leaving it on the ground.
"Battle bot," Lincoln casually replied as he analyzed the machine. Battle Bot has a new body. This was more rudimentary, skeletal, and designed for infiltration with two pinchers attached to its ribcage. Similar to the Iron Spider suit. He knew Lisa didn't remodel Battle Bot. The structural integrity was too shoddy. Made from spare parts and other scrap discovered within Lisa's bunker complex.
"Bet you kicked his metal ass a few times, huh," Polly predicted, kicking one of the pinchers.
"Silence, meat bag," Battle Bot seethed, causing Polly to launch his skull across the room.
"I'll talk to Lisa about this," Lincoln acknowledged, examining Battle Bot's damaged skull. He dialed a number. "TODD, can you deal with this, please?" Polly glanced at the opening backdoor.
"That's where you went," TODD wheeled over the children. "Greetings, Polly," TODD acknowledged. Polly blinked owlishly as she nodded, her blank eyes following the robot while keeping her distance. Lincoln handed over the barely functioning bot. "I'll take this. When she returns, our creator will have several words with you:" The older robot scolded his baby brother.
"Lick my lugnuts, you inferior model," Battle Bot insulted as the robots rolled out to their bunker.
"I'm not even going to ask," Polly raised her hands before grabbing a soda. Lincoln checked his phone. Both parties were at their respective locations and are now searching for their item. Liam, Clyde, and Hattie should be here at any moment.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
Lincoln smiled. Right on time. His two accomplices entered with sly grins. "Gentlemen," The silver-haired lad opened the pathway for his three guests.
"Thanks for having us," Clyde replied, holding a dessert box. The farm children carried meat products and items from their farm.
"How long will your family be gone?" Liam asked as they strolled into the dining room. This plan's working smoothly.
"One hour," Lincoln declared.
"Time to get started," Clyde commented, fully prepared for his contribution. Another knock on the door? It's Rusty and Zach.
"Are we late?" Rusty heaved, beads of sweat poured down his forehead. He biked over here as fast as possible to Polly.
"Nah, we just got here," Hattie announced, keeping her mouth shut so people won't beat her up if she does spoil something. You can't spoil a movie if she hasn't watched it. Rusty ignored her, sliding over to Polly on the couch. Ladies love the sweat aroma.
"Hey, dollface," He purred to their cringe and Polly's disgusted annoyance. She sighed. It's going to be a long night. Clyde worked his magic in the kitchen for their backup weapon to appease a specific guest. His classmates, Stella, Mollie, Girl Jordan, and the QTs arrived a few moments later. That's around half. The rest are on their way, and so should his family. Lincoln stared at his watch. Waiting.
Tick-Tock. Tick-Tick. Tick-Tock
"Um, Lincoln," One of them asked, wondering what he was doing just standing there. Lincoln pressed a finger against his lips. Not a single word. He waited, gazing at the front door like a sentinel waiting for a threat to enter. They were welcomed by screeching tires and battle roars of the Loud Family, scraping in the front lawn. Lincoln's calculating grin chilled their bones.
"I'll be right back," He instructed the group as the door closed. His family was yelling and fighting before him in a cartoon fight ball. Lincoln sat on the stairs observing their brawl. His body eased, absorbing the evening atmosphere. The sky flowed into a light orange and deep royal purple, with the sun slowly resting behind them. Only his family screaming provided stimulation while they struggled for the remote, pressing random buttons. He exhaled, fully content with his plan, and awaited the final part.
"LOUDS! CAN YOU STOP THAT RACKET?" Mr. Grouse yelled from his second-story window, pausing their brawl, invoking a sly grin on Lincoln's face. "AND stop messing with my lights!" His angry shouting halted their quarrel.
"Your lights?" Lola echoed, snatching the remote from Luna's hands. She pointed to the remote at Grouse's house and mashed random buttons. The lights matched the sequence. "You grabbed the wrong remote?" She snarled at Leni, pointing the false remote at her elder sister.
"No, I grabbed one of the remotes that Mom showed us. I asked her which one to get, and she said she didn't care and just grabbed one because we were rushing," Leni quoted, recalling the exact words that her mother told them. Everyone's eyes were on Rita.
"I got the models from Lincoln," Rita explained with raised hands, directing their attention towards Lincoln, still sitting on the steps. Did he lie to his own mother?
"I showed you the right ones," Lincoln clarified. His face and voice were a blank canvas. "Turns out we didn't need to get a new one," He dug into his pocket, revealing their desired object with a knowing grin.
"The remote?!" The Loud family exclaimed
"Where did you get that?" One of them demanded.
"It was on the table," Lincoln responded, twirling the device between his fingers. "The only place you didn't look,"
"Give it back," Lola ordered along with the rest of her sisters.
"Make me," Lincoln challenged, standing up from the steps.
"You're outnumbered," Lori announced.
"You might want to check again," Lisa interjected, directing their focus to the driveway. A row of cars parked along their sidewalk. Several of Lincoln's friends, classmates, and acquaintances strolled to their houses. The rest of the QTs, Cristina, Renee, Cristina, Tabby, Giggles, Paige, and Haiku. His family was gobsmacked at their appearances. Lisa calculated that these girls, along with Linocln's friends. They were vastly outnumbered. Liam and Clyde exited the house to welcome them inside.
"Are we late?" Alexandria asked. The sun gradually hid over the horizon.
"Nope, you're right on time," Clyde replied, holding a baking sheet of sweet treats. Perfect for this chilly evening.
"Right this way, ladies," Liam ushered them inside, except Haiku, who stood there crossed-arm with a stern glare at Lincoln. Lucy watched with interest, recalling a tense romance from one of her novels.
The two shared a gaze. Haiku had a fusion of emotions coursing through her veins. Impressed with how Lincoln cultivated a plan that resulted in his victory. Seriously early seasons of Loud House really did Lincoln dirty. It took until season 5 or 6 for Lincoln to win. Frustrated for his deception, along with dragging several people into it.
"Lincoln," She started when Lincoln shushed by touching her lips.
"I know what you're going say. That's why I brought something that might interest you," Lincoln smirked and grabbed one of the treats from Clyde, who happily obliged.
"You honestly can't think I can be bribed so," Haiku turned her nose as she accepted one. Oh, chocolate. "Eas-oh my," She countered before shuddering with a dreamy smile. Haiku purred at the silky-rich flavor of the milk chocolate. She attempted to grab another one when Lincoln removed it. "Ugh," The elegant goth placed a hand on her chest with a heartbroken expression.
"Oh, so you don't want it?" Lincoln teased with a somber expression. "Shame. We had all of these flavors made for you," He tantalized her by waving the food in front of her face. Haiku's eyes widened as she followed every motion, sweat dripping on her face, barely keeping her composure. "I guess we'll just eat it all ourselves," The scheming frost-haired boy motioned the tray to the rest of his guests.
"Gimme, gimme, gimme," Haiku pounced, jumping with her grasping hands as Lincoln raised it out of her reach. Yes, she's acting childish, but this goth doesn't care now. Plus, Haiku's officially 9 years old in canon
"Well, come inside," Lincoln handed her the tray. She greedily took it, gobbling on the food as she entered inside. Clyde followed. Lincoln looked over his shoulder. "Did you hear me? Come inside," He repeated. What is he talking about it? Better yet, who was he talking to?
"Coming, Linky," Leni smiled with Lucy in tow. Confusion spread amongst the family like a rancid aroma, barely able to comprehend what just happened. Lucy, they could understand. BUT LENI?! She's notorious for not keeping secrets. Yet the ditzy blonde remained silent for probably weeks, utterly fooling them. The siblings shared a beam and fist bump as they closed the door. Lori, Lola, and Lynn Jr. charged in with a battle roar when a cerulean forcefield bounced them off like a tennis ball.
"Lisa, do something about this shield," Lola demanded, slamming her fist against the toughened light dome. They watched as Lincoln taunted them from the living room with his guests.
"I can't," Lisa confirmed with a blank expression. "It can only be activated from the inside. Unfortunately, I don't have my equipment. It's likely Lincoln has overridden my systems," She calculated the potential scenarios and contingency plans her brother has developed. "He played us, knowing exactly how we would act," Lisa concluded. She glanced at their feet. There were markings precisely where they stood. How did he know this? They groaned, resigning in their defeat. It's futile to struggle.
"How are we going to watch our shows?!" Lola growled, stomping her feet as they walked back to their lawn. Maybe they can call someone?
"What shows are you watching?" Mr. Grouse and the Yates questioned the remaining Louds. Wait what?
"I'm watching Dessert Storm, so hurry up before I change my mind," Grouse acknowledged their plight gesturing for them to enter his house. Lynn Sr. and his half rushed inside as Grouse removed himself from the window.
"Me and the family are watching the Dream Boat special after binging the entire series," Bumper Sr. announced. They're watching Dream Boat? "Want to come with us?" He offered, opening their fancy mini-van to the remaining Louds.
"Yes!" The Blonde complied, dashing inside and fastening their seatbelts. They drove off. The Louds and the Yate happily chatted as they had a few minutes to spare for their program. However, they can't shake that suspicion of how did they know.
"Jancey, how did you know that we did help?" Rita asked.
"Oh. After his afternoon lesson with Lincoln, I picked up Beau from the Community Center. He told me you might miss your show because your family is extensive and chaotic. So Lincoln asked if we could host some of you guys," Jancey explained, with Beau nodding to confirm, showing Lisa some of his abstract drawings. Lisa faceplanted, completely missing a possibility.
Rita chuckled at the reveal. "I can say that I'm utterly proud and terrified of my sneaky mastermind of a son," Her daughters murmured in agreement. The Yates shrugged as they continued to drive.
Lincoln exhaled through his nose while watching the ARRGH special with his friends and two sisters. Stella refilled his cup with sparkling water while Girl Jordan past around the mozzarella sticks. Both girls had crackling lightning between their eyes but called a truce for this evening.
"You know your sisters want payback after this, right?" Clyde acknowledged while biting into his cookie. He knew the Loud sisters. They're vindictive.
"Oh, definitely," Lincoln confessed, eyeing Leni and Lucy while they were watching. "Allow me to enjoy it until then," He raised his cup, as did Clyde and Liam. The trio clinked their cups for a job well done.
Victory is his.
Finally! Lincoln has an actual victory under his belt. It took me 3 fucking years to get this point. And I'm done. I would put a fun fact but nah. I'm exhausted. Just enjoy the chapter, vote on the poll.
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