A/N: Thank you for checking out my Family Guy fanfic, Power Over Peter! We're back again doing another Family Guy Fanon fic after a slight detour, and we sure are returning with a very special episode as today we're delving into a serious topic:
Alcohol.
More particularly Peter and being an somewhat exploration of his drinking habits and answers the never asked question: What if Peter was so stricken by something he, he wanted to try quit drinking despite knowing he can't do it
But I'm not doing this alone! As I have guest co-author Tito-Mosquito with me! Tito's someone who will be writing the Meg and Neil subplot while I write the main plot, which I did as I didn't want to get rid of the side-plot, but also didn't know where to take it. So, I hit Tito up as I saw he was a MegxNeil writer and asked if he wanted to be involved. And of course
Also, before we start, this is where I give my usual disclaimer that most close readers of mine already know if you read my past works but for the people in the cheap seats who are unfamiliar to my work and let them know the big changes I will make in comparison to the original series and episode:
#1: This story does not take place in the OG Family Guy timeline, but instead the Family Guy Fanon timeline. As such, events were changed and episode orders were changed. If you want to know the complete timeline of the events place out, you can visit the List of Episodes page on the Family Guy Fanon (it's a mere search away), but for the basics, this episode takes place in Season 2, meaning Peter is working at the toy factory, Kevin is still around and not in Iraq and Horace is the current bartender of the Drunken Clam.
#2: Francis' personality was changed and tweaked. While he does still have some of his original Jerkass and Christian nature in him, it's more toned down and is cooled down. Mostly being because he had character development from Between Sanity and Madness - a fanfic I done in the past you can check out (heck in episode order this takes place a few episodes after that) - and learning to treat his son a little better than he use to.
With this said, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
Disclaimer: I don't own Family Guy; all characters and locations are owned by 20th Century Television, Fuzzy Door Productions and the Walt Disney Company.
Without further ado, let us begin…
Family Guy
Season 2, Episode 20
Power Over Peter
COLD OPEN
EXT./ESTB. GRIFFINS' HOUSE - DAY
INT. GRIFFINS' LIVING ROOM - SAME
PETER, LOIS, CHRIS, MEG, BRIAN, FRANCIS, THELMA, CARTER and BABS watch a hockey game with the Bruins against the Rangers. STEWIE enters.
STEWIE: Attention, family. I've been thinking about this for a while, so it's best to get this out.
LOIS: (OBLIVIOUS) Okay, honey.
STEWIE: When this world will be mine, I've been thinking how to deal with you all. As intolerable as you may be, I have to acknowledge all the good you all have done for me. So I've decided that all of your deaths will be as quick and painless as I can make it. How do you feel about that?
ON TV, one of the Rangers launches the puck into the Bruins' goal.
MEG: Awwww.
CHRIS: BOOO!
PETER: What the hell is wrong with him?
FRANCIS: He didn't even try!
CARTER: COWARD!
STEWIE: You want to be that way, hmm?! Then fine! I'll play your ways!
CARTER: What! Hold the clicker, I think he's going for redemption!
STEWIE: Oh you bet old man! I'll kill you all in an excruciating manner. And I'll take great joy in all of them. What do you say to that?! Hmm?
On TV, one of the Bruins launches the puck into the Rangers' goal on the TV.
PETER/LOIS/CHRIS/MEG/FRANCIS/THELMA: Sweet!/Alright!/Yaay!/Woo-hoo!
CARTER: I told you he would redeem himself! I bloody told ya!
STEWIE: Yes, well, I'm glad you're all on board.
Stewie flees the scene.
BABS: Did you hear something?
PETER/LOIS/CARTER/BRIAN/FRANCIS/THELMA: (BEAT) Nah.
ACT ONE
EXT./ESTB. SPOONER STREET - DAY
EXT. SPOONER STREET - CONTINOUS
Meg and Kevin walk home from school.
KEVIN: And then, Scott tried to prove he didn't cheat the training to play on the football team, but he ended up slamming into the goal post.
MEG: (LAUGHS) No way he did that!
KEVIN: I'm serious! He has a gash on his face from doing that!
Meg then looks around to see if the coast is clear.
MEG: Um, Kevin, since I got your free attention, there's something I wanna tell you.
KEVIN: Sure. Go ahead, Meg.
MEG: Kevin, I just wanna say, that I-
Meg is cut off by Neil covering her mouth.
NEIL: Am currently dating Neil.
KEVIN: Oh, you two are currently dating?
NEIL: Uh-huh. I swept her off her feet and she couldn't resist.
KEVIN: Well good luck to the both of you. See you later Meg.
MEG: Kevin, wait! That's not what-!
Meg was too late as Kevin already went inside.
NEIL: So, Meg, since you're free from distractions, would you like to go on a date with me?
Annoyed, Meg breathes in deeply before facing Neil.
MEG: Neil, how long have we known each other?
NEIL: Since elementary, my dear Meg.
MEG: And how many times have I actually said "yes" to asking me out?
NEIL: Hmm...one, two, three - you wanna go for a date?
MEG: No!
NEIL: (BEAT) Then never. But,...
MEG: There is no "but", Neil! I never liked you, I never will like you, and the answer I gave you in elementary and middle school is the same answer in high school. No!
Meg shoves Neil down and storms into her house.
NEIL: One day, Meg! Meil will be real! Or Neg. Maybe Negan? Nah, that can't be a love name.
Neil walks off still on thought.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT./ESTB. GRIFFINS' HOUSE - NIGHT
INT. GRIFFINS' KITCHEN - SAME
Peter is at the table writing down notes. Brian and Lois look through the doorframe.
BRIAN: He seems open. Everyone be ready.
LOIS: Brian, before we start, did you make sure Stewie was put to sleep?
BRIAN: Yep. The little runt's sound asleep and not getting out.
INT. STEWIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (CUTAWAY)
Stewie is in his crib, chained to the sides and seething.
STEWIE: When I get out of this, I am going to kick his furry ass.
INT. GRIFFINS' KITCHEN - NIGHT (BACK TO SCENE)
Brian enters the kitchen.
BRIAN: Say, uh, when are you leaving to go drinking, Peter?
PETER: Eh, in about fifteen minutes. Why you askin'?
BRIAN: So we can know how much time we have before anything bad happens. Everyone, come in!
PETER: We?
On cue, Lois, Meg, Chris, Francis, Thelma, Carter and Babs enter and stand beside Peter at each side of the kitchen table. A BEAT happens.
PETER: Is this because I crapped in the yard last week?
LOIS: Now Peter, we all have something to say to you. Daddy, would you like to start?
CARTER: Unfunny, fatso, dumbass.
BABS: And a poor excuse for our daughter's husband.
LOIS: Okay, maybe they weren't the one to start with.
THELMA: Lois, why are these two here? I don't think they even care about this matter!
CARTER: We didn't even wanna come! We're only here because ... reasons.
INT. PEWTERSCHMIDT MANOR - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Lois is talking to her parents Carter and Babs, the latter two looking uninterested.
LOIS: Mom, Daddy, Peter's having a drinking intervention Friday night and he needs all the support. Couldn't you two just come to it, for me?
CARTER: Sorry, honey. I'd rather drive cross-country with George Segal and that infernal banjo.
BABS: And I have no strong feelings for your husband, so I'm out.
LOIS: Please?
CARTER/BABS: No!
LOIS: Okay. By the way, I know my retarded brother Chucky didn't really fall through the ice.
Carter and Babs' eyes widen in shock.
LOIS: I'm sure insurance companies would love to know the real reason Chucky died was through-
BABS: Say Lois, when's the intervention at?
LOIS: Friday at seven o'clock.
CARTER: We'll be there.
INT. GRIFFINS' KITCHEN - NIGHT (BACK TO PRESENT)
BABS: (TO CARTER) You told me nobody was around when you did that.
CARTER: That's what I thought too!
PETER: So, is this like a roast session, or-? What's going on?
FRANCIS: Aw, screw the speeches. Peter, we need to talk about your drinking.
A BEAT, then Peter pulls out a suitcase.
PETER: If you need me, I'll be talking my luck with the Browns.
THELMA: Hold it, Hobo Pete. We really do mean this.
LOIS: Peter, we're getting worried about your drinking recently.
PETER: Lois, honey, alcohol doesn't affect me.
FRANCIS: Oh yeah? Remember when you ruined my WWII reunion party?
INT. MEETING HALL - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
The hall is full of elderly ex-WWII veterans with the banner "WORLD WAR II REUNION". Francis is talking to his WWII buddy AARON.
AARON: Francis! I haven't seen you since the trenches! How's life been?
FRANCIS: Eh, fine for the most part. Except for one minor thing-
A glass shatter is heard. PAN TO REVEAL a drunk Peter caused it accidentally breaking a drink bowl.
PETER: Heyy, this place has beer here! Somebody beer me! (LAUGHS THEN SINGS) "SEVEN MAIDS A MILKIN', SIX MAIDS A MILKIN', FIVE-"!
Peter passes out and breaks the table nearby.
INT. GRIFFINS' KITCHEN - NIGHT (BACK TO PRESENT)
LOIS: Or when you were drunk at the library?
INT. LIBRARY - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Lois, Meg, Chris and Brian are reading at a table peacefully. PAN TO Peter reading "Johnny Tremaine" intoxicated.
PETER: Don't be ashamed of your hand, Johnny Tremaine! You still live in exciting times!
A POLICE OFFICER walks up.
PETER: Ah, crap.
POLICE OFFICER: Sir, do you know how loud you were reading?
Peter suddenly takes off, running and reading loudly as the cop pursues him.
PETER: "The life of a silversmith's apprentice was not an easy one" – AAA!
Peter crashes into a stack of books nearby his family and falls to the ground as the book stack crushes Meg.
INT. GRIFFINS' KITCHEN - NIGHT (BACK TO PRESENT)
BABS: Or when you drunk dialed us at three in the morning?
INT. CARTER AND BABS' BEDROOM - TWILIGHT HOUR (FLASHBACK)
Carter and Babs sleep in bed when they're woken up by the phone.
BABS: Your turn, Carter.
CARTER: Fine. (INTO PHONE) Hello.
PETER: Hey, what are you... what are you doing?
CARTER: Peter, I was sleeping.
PETER: Yeah, I was just out with my bros. What, what are you..? What are you doing?
CARTER: I just told you.
PETER: Aw, that's right, I just- just asked that. I forgot. Hey, hey, this song made me think of you, so wait, listen to this song.
Peter plays a snippet of a song that due to the bad phone reception sounds like garbled guitar noise.
PETER: Wasn't that awesome? (BEAT) So what, so-so what's you doing?
Carter groans.
INT. GRIFFINS' KITCHEN - DAY (BACK TO PRESENT)
PETER: Okay, so I might have done some things I don't remember, but nothing bad happens.
FRANCIS: Yeah, if hanging with guys sitting around with a black marker and a checklist of the Ten Commandments is (AIR QUOTES) "nothing bad".
CHRIS: Heh-heh, thou shalt get drunk. Yeah!
LOIS: Chris, you're 13, don't talk like that, and Francis stops enabling him.
MEG: (SIGH) Dad, I know I don't speak up much and it's really hard for me to talk about my feelings, but we're not doing this because we want to be hard on you. We're all doing this because we genuinely care about you. If Grandpa going out of his way to this intervention says anything about how willing we are to care for you and your well-being, I don't know what will.
A BEAT as Meg looks close to crying. Then Peter belches in Meg's face.
MEG: DAD! Oh, of course he doesn't listen to me.
BRAIN: That speech would've been more powerful coming from anyone else.
CARTER: Oh, yeah.
BABS: Absolutely.
CHRIS: No doubt in my mind.
FRANCIS: She's not ready for emotional speeches.
A pebble tapped on the window. The family looks out to see QUAGMIRE, CLEVELAND and JOE outside.
CLEVELAND/QUAGMIRE: C'mon, Peter!
Peter runs to the door, being stopped by Thelma.
THELMA: Petey, can't you promise us you'll lay off drinking at least for a night? At least for me?
PETER: Alright, alright, I promise…
FRANCIS: Make it sincere, boy!
PETER: (SIGH) I, Peter Griffin, promise that I will not have any kind of alcohol in my body tonight...
Behind his back, Peter has his fingers crossed.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. DRUNKEN CLAM - NIGHT
Peter shows his finger cross to Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe. Joe looks unamused.
PETER: ...is what I told them while lying behind my back!
Horace comes by with the four beers.
HORACE: Here's your beers, boys.
PETER: Thanks, Horace. Cleveland, pay him for the beers.
CLEVELAND: This won't be a recurring theme for tonight, right?
A BEAT happens with Peter and Quagmire look at each other and give out an uncomfortable laugh. Cleveland glares.
HORACE: Only one beer tonight? What's the catch?
PETER: Well, me and the fellas are going on a beer run. (RE; notepad) I got the best places for us to hit and the Clam was the first stop.
CLEVELAND: And we're doing one beer per stop to make it faster
JOE: And I'm one to say this is incredibly dangerous. Peter, you put yourself on the designated driver.
PETER: Joe, come on. You gotta live a little.
QUAGMIRE: Yeah, nobody likes a wet blanket.
Peter glances at his watch.
PETER: Oh, jeez, it's already eight-fifteen. C'mon guys, we gotta move!
CLEVELAND/QUAGMIRE/JOE: Later, Horace!
HORACE: Okay, I guess you four can go. And leave me all alone...in this empty bar...on a Friday.
Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire leave, but Peter stops at the door to see Horace looking glumly at the bar.
PETER: Hey, uh, Horace, there's room for one more. Wanna come along?
HORACE: You-You want me to come?
PETER: Sure, Horace. That is if you want to come-
HORACE: Yahooie!
Horace throws his apron and jacket onto Peter and rushes outside.
INT. CAR - NIGHT
Peter and Horace enter the car.
HORACE: Guess who's joinin' you run tonight?
CLEVELAND/QUAGMIRE: Horace!
JOE: Peter, you're taking him with us?!
PETER: Joe, it's better for him than to be alone in an empty bar. C'mon guys! Let's go drink 'til we can't feel feelings anymore!
PETER/QUAGMIRE/CLEVELAND/HORACE: Beer run! Beer run! Beer run!
DRUNK DRINKING MONTAGE:
INT. BAR - NIGHT
Peter and Cleveland drink beer at a table while Joe looks annoyed. ANGLE ON Horace and Quagmire talking to an attractive SINGLE WOMAN.
HORACE: Hey there, sweetie. I got a trick for you. Write your phone number on this piece of paper.
She does.
HORACE: Now don't tell me what it is. Just put it in my pocket. (AS SHE DOES SO) Hey, it did work!
QUAGMIRE: Heh, works every time!
INT. CAR - NIGHT
PETER: Okay. Would You Rather do Dame Judi Dench with 30 minutes of kissing first or do Eddie lzzard in drag, but he has a working vagina?
HORACE: I would do Dame Judi.
CLEVELAND: Wait, really Horace?
HORACE: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, I would do everything to her. I don't care how old she is or anything. I would smash that chick.
JOE: You got some balls, Horace. I like that 'bout you.
INT. INDIAN BAR - NIGHT
The boys are now at an Indian bar, drinking Indian beer with CHANGE FOR A BUCK. Horace coughs out wildly.
HORACE: Ugh! This burns the back of my mouth! (BEAT) I love it! Gimmie another round.
INT. CAR - NIGHT
QUAGMIRE: Alright. The ability to fly or the ability to run fast?
CLEVELAND: I guess flying could make going on vacation and getting work less taxing...unless you run into trees or buildings.
INT. IRISH PUB - NIGHT
Peter, Cleveland, Quagmire and Horace chug down their beers.
PETER: Hey, look at me. I'm my Dad. (MOCKING FRANCIS) Rah, I'm Francis! I like to hit my son with a bible for petty reasons.
Peter, Cleveland, Quagmire and Horace guffaw. Joe looks fed up.
JOE: C'mon you four. Let's go home.
QUAGMIRE: Come on, Joe. Loose up.
HORACE/CLEVELAND: Yeah, come on. We're tryin' to have fun./Nobody likes a buzzkill.
PETER: Can't you just have one beer to at least feel like you're into this?
JOE: Fine! One beer and then we're leaving.
CLEVELAND: I think you'll come to see it's not so bad to get drunk.
JOE: Yeah, fine, whatever.
Joe drinks some of the beer and looks normal.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. ITALIAN PUB - NIGHT
Joe chugging down a pitcher of beer while the others cheer him on.
PETER/CLEVELAND/QUAGMIRE/HORACE: Chug! Chug! Chug!
Joe finishes the jug and smashes it while moving drunk-like. Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire cheer in excitement and carry Joe above them to carry him out while Horace wheeled his chair.
JOE: You all didn't think I'd do it. But I did it!
INT. CAR - NIGHT
Peter drives as he, Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland and Horace drunkenly sing.
PETER/CLEVELAND/QUAGMIRE/JOE/HORACE: (SINGING LOUDLY) "HOLD ON TO SIXTEEN AS LONG AS YOU CAN / CHANGES COME AROUND REAL SOON MAKE US WOMEN AND MEN!"
They continue singing the drum fills.
INT. SCIENCE CLASSROOM - NIGHT
The boys are at a science classroom trying out beers with RANDALL FARGUS. Each beer has a different reaction to it. Peter's breathes fire, Quagmire starts to get shivers, Horace gives a high powered sneeze, Joe conks out and Cleveland has no reaction, revealed due to him drinking a normal beer.
INT. CAR - NIGHT
Peter and the guys are now completely wasted and swaying.
HORACE: Okay... would you..? would you..?
CLEVELAND: Horace, just pass if you-
HORACE: Give me a minute! I can... think of somethin'.
END OF MONTAGE:
EXT. QUAHOG STREET - A LITTLE LATER
Peter, Joe, Quagmire, Cleveland and Horace exit out of "Beer Lifetime". and stumble and roll down.
CLEVELAND: Who knew those Bulgains could make some good beer.
Joe does 360s in his wheelchair.
JOE: Alvin? Alvin! A-a-a-lvin!
HORACE: (IN CHIPMUNK VOICE) O–kay!
A WOMAN looks down from her open window.
WOMAN: Hey! Keep it down or I'm calling the cops!
JOE: Don't bother. I am the cops! Wa-hooo!
Horace and Quagmire echo his "wa-hoo" . Joe picks up a brick and hurls it through a store window, and sounds off an alarm. Everyone stares at Joe, stunned.
JOE: (PUMPED) C'mon!
After a BEAT, Horace and Quagmire laugh.
INT. CAR - A LITTLE LATER
Sirens wail behind the car and worry the guys.
PETER: Aw, crap. It's the feds. Everybody look normal!
Peter pulled over the car as the cop exited his car and came to them.
POLICE OFFICER: Sir, I noticed you were doing some swerving back there.
PETER: Well, my fellas and I just heading back to the ol' homestead.
POLICE OFFICER: Uh-huh. You wanna step out of the car, please?
Peter complies, worried.
POLICE OFFICER: Now I want you to walk in a straight line to prove you're not drunk.
Peter nods and walks in a perfectly straight line ... into the streets. Going through quick, oncoming traffic, just narrowly avoiding getting hit by cars without even noticing what he's doing. PAN OVER TO Mr. Magoo watching this as he crosses the street.
MAGOO: My, I've never seen someone have the ability to absent-mindedly avoid traffic with such persistence.
Mr. Magoo then gets himself hit by a car due to not paying attention. BACK ON Peter, who finally makes it past all the traffic.
POLICE OFFICER: Well sir, you passed with flying colors. I guess I'm gonna have to let you go. My mistake. Be safe out there, sir.
The police officer gets back to his car and drives off.
PETER: So you guys wanna take this party to the new Strip Club bar a few minutes from here?
JOE: You know Peter, maybe we should head home.
QUAGMIRE: Yeah I mean, you had a close call with that officer.
CLEVELAND: And it is getting a bit late.
HORACE: Besides, we hit most of the bars. Best we call it a night?
PETER: Hmm. It is quite late. All right, I guess we can go home.
Peter then tripped over the curb and hit his knee on the sidewalk. In great pain, Peter grasps his knee and heavily breathes in pain.
INT. CAR - A WHILE LATER
Peter drives back home. Quagmire, Cleveland, Joe and Horace are completely out sleeping. Peter himself is looking sleepy as he starts to fall asleep. A car horn alerted him to see he went to the wrong side of the road and allowed him to swerve back to his lane.
PETER: Ugh, I need to get something to listen to something.
Peter turns the radio on to a station.
RADIO VOICE: Welcome back to WWE Radio. This round, we have Hulk Hogan going against (UNINTELLIGIBLE)
PETER'S P.O.V. - he starts to slowly fall asleep and black out as FADE TO BLACK.
INT. PETER AND LOIS' BEDROOM - MIDNIGHT
Lois is sleeping in bed with Brian on the front.
LOIS: (DREAMING) Mmm. Oh, Peter. This dance is so romantic.
BRIAN: (DREAMING) Oh yeah, Lois my darling. I'd love to elope with you in Paris.
PAN TO the door, and Peter - on a drunk fantasy - bursts it open and starts punching Lois which causes Brian to wake up.
BRIAN: (GASP) Peter?!
PETER: Take this, Hulk Hogan! Not such a tough guy now, huh?!
Brian jumps onto Peter to stop him, but gets decked and falls to the ground. Chris and Meg enter.
CHRIS: What's going on here? (BEAT) Dad?
Chris and Meg hold Peter back to prevent him from harming Lois.
MEG: Dad, what the hell's gotten into you?!
PETER: Oh, you brought your friends to defend you, Hulk?! I'll take them on! All take you all on!
Peter head-butts Chris and kicks Meg to the ground. PAN TO Stewie's bedroom, which Stewie exits and looks to see Peter beating up the family.
STEWIE: My God! The Fatman's beating up everyone! (BEAT) Go, Fatman!
ANGLE ON Peter holding Meg to the ground and from a P.O.V. of his, charges and punches Meg in the mouth as it SMASHES TO BLACK and the sound of teeth breaking is heard.
EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY
PETER'S P.O.V. - his eyes slowly open as he wakes up to see he's in an alleyway.
PETER: Oh, God, what a night.
PAN OUT TO show Peter's car crashed into a fire hydrant and water is flowing out. Cleveland, Quagmire and Horace exit the car, rubbing their heads.
CLEVELAND: What did we do last night?
QUAGMIRE: Whatever we did must have been wild! Giggity giggity ow, my head!
HORACE: Boy, I hate to be you, Peter. I'm sure you're family will kill you for totaling this car.
PETER: (UH-OH) Oh, crap! I promised them I wouldn't drink. If they find out, I'll be pulverized! (BEAT) Or will I?
Cleveland looks to the back of the car to see Joe and his wheelchair missing.
CLEVELAND: Wait, where'd Joe go?
EXT. SWANSON HOUSE - NOON
Joe is sleeping ontop of the roof, with his wheelchair on the ground. Bonnie and Kevin look up at him.
KEVIN: How long has Dad been up there?
BONNIE: I think he's been up there since last night. I'd get him down, but I don't wanna wake him up.
EXT. SPOONER STREET - NOON
Peter drives his busted car nearby his house and drops Quagmire and Cleveland.
PETER: Okay, get home quick. And if anyone asks where I've been, tell them you don't know where I've been.
QUAGMIRE: But what about you, Peter?
PETER: I'll lay out for about a day or two. By then they'll surely have calmed down by then.
TIMECARD: MONDAY
INT. CAR - DAY
Lois, having a black eye and a bandaged arm, drives Meg, who now has braces in her teeth, in a rental car. Stewie is in the backseat.
MEG: I am so mad at Dad! How could he do this to me? Putting me in braces!
LOIS: Well, Meg, the orthodontist said you only needed to wear them for a few weeks.
MEG: But Mom, they make me look ugly!
STEWIE: Hey, hey, cheer up, Meg. You were already ugly to begin with.
LOIS: You're just over-exaggerating, Meg. Plenty of beautiful men and women wear braces.
MEG: But they don't go to James Woods High. The kids are gonna make fun of me. I'm already a social outcast as it is.
LOIS: Oh, sweetie, no one's gonna care if you have braces. In fact, no one will even notice.
EXT./ESTB. JAMES WOODS REGIONAL HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS - DAY
Meg barely entered the building when the students in the hallway, who were doing their own things, suddenly turned to stare at Meg. She feels self-conscious from their stares. She smiles nervously, showing her braces, and waves at them.
MEG: Uh, hi?
Scott, who has a gash on his face, points to Meg.
SCOTT: Meg's got braces!
They all burst into laughter and point at her. Meg's worst fear has come true. Connie and her peers walk up to her.
CONNIE: I always knew you were a loser, Meg! This just proves it! With both glasses and braces, that makes you a nerd.
MEG: No it doesn't!
CONNIE: Yes it does. Everyone knows it. You are a total nerd!
MEG: I am not a nerd, Connie!
CONNIE: Yes you are! Hey everyone, Meg is a nerd!
DOUG/SCOTT: Meg is a nerd! Meg is a nerd! Meg is a nerd...
PRINCIPAL SHEPHERD: (JOINING IN) Meg is a nerd! Meg is a nerd! Meg is a nerd...
Meg walks through the hallway, as everyone throws stuff at her and shoots spitballs, feeling lower than she has ever been before.
Just then, she found Neil standing by her locker.
NEIL: Meg, here are the top ten reasons why you should date me. Number one will surprise you.
MEG: Go away, Neil! I don't need this!
Neil already took out a piece of paper listing the 10 reasons.
NEIL: Number ten, we both have a dad who wears glasses. Number nine, we have a habit of cleaning our sinuses. You do it like Felix Unger. Number eight, we both have had pimples. I noticed you had one on your right cheek once…
While he's talking, Meg tries to open her locker, but finds it stuck and starts to yank it.
NEIL: Number seven, we both want to be loved. Number six, we are both considered undateable by everyone in school.
MEG: (SARCASTIC) Yeah, thanks for reminding me.
NEIL: Number five, we don't have friends.
MEG: I have friends!
NEIL: Then name them.
MEG: Esther, Patty, Ruth and Beth.
NEIL: Sound make up. Four, we're lonely. Three, we get picked on and bullied a lot. Number two, we both wear glasses, it makes us look quite smart.
MEG: (THINKING) I really wish I had laser eye surgery.
NEIL: And the number one reason why you should date me... You and I both wear braces now! Isn't this great, Meg?
Neil grabs Meg's hands.
MEG: What?! How'd you-?!
NEIL: My Dad saw you the day you got them and told me (LOOKING INTO MEG'S EYES) We're now truly soulmates! Just perfect for each other.
MEG: No I don't! And we are not perfect for each other!
CONNIE: Check it out everyone, Meg is settling for Neil! I knew they would get together.
NEIL: That's right, everybody! We are now one!
Everyone laughs.
SCOTT: Yeah, one really nerdy couple!
MEG: We are not a couple!
CONNIE: Yes you are!
MEG: No! Neil, shut up!
Meg then walks away. But Neil follows.
NEIL: Why do you fight your love for me, darling?
MEG: Leave me alone, Neil!
NEIL: Not until you accept my love.
MEG: I said shut-
Meg suddenly tripped on her shoelace and fell onto Neil.
MEG'S P.O.V. - Blackness, as her eyes open and sees Neil's face-up.
MEG: Neil, get the hell off me-
Meg suddenly felt something in her teeth. That being her braces stuck on Neil's.
NEIL: D'awww, isn't this romantic, Meg? We're connected by love.
MEG: Noooooo!
EXT./ESTB. GRIFFINS' HOUSE - DAY
Peter slowly pulls his car in and carefully walks inside his house to see nobody home.
INT. GRIFFINS' UPPER HALLWAY/PETER AND LOIS' BEDROOM - DAY
Peter sneaks upstairs to still find nobody. He slowly opens his bedroom door and screams upon opening it wide. Yet there's no one there.
A beat , then Peter begins to laugh . PAN TO the rest of the family - sans Meg - behind him.
LOIS: Something funny, Peter?
PETER: Oh, it's just that I thought you all be here mad at me 'cause I lied about not drinkin', but you weren't there! Haha! (UH-OH) Ah, Lois!
The others push Peter in furiously.
CARTER: I knew it! I knew he couldn't do it, Lois!
FRANCIS: And I called that that promise was phoned in!
THELMA: You lied to us! Which actually shouldn't be unexpected, since we know you carry your father's consumptive lying, but it still makes me mad!
PETER: Okay, look, I see some tensions rising, so I think if we all just take a few deep breaths and talk this-
Peter bolts out the door and out the house. The family follows suit.
EXT. GRIFFINS' BACKYARD - DAY
Peter runs out and quickly climbs a tree as the family surrounds it.
THELMA: Peter Griffin, get down from there this instant!
PETER: No! You're all gonna yell at me!
LOIS: You damn right we're gonna yell at you. How could you do this to us?!
PETER: Come on, Lois, I lie to you guys all the time, it's no big deal like the other times.
FRANCIS: No big deal? I got a few bruised ribs thanks to you ya fat drunk!
PETER: Oh, there you go with your rants about sin - (BEAT) Wait, come again?
THELMA: You broke into our apartment at the dead of night and beat us up for no reason! You wouldn't stop 'til we pretended to be dead.
LOIS: And this black eye and arm cast? From you beating me in the night.
CHRIS: I lost five teeth that night! And I don't think the Tooth Fairy will take grown teeth
CARTER: You broke into our mansion to beat us up at three AM! How in the hell did you even break into our mansion?!
As the rest of the family AD LIB comments about Peter doing this or that to them, Peter starts to climb down.
PETER: I-I did that all to you?
BRIAN: You see, Peter? This is what we tried to avoid, but you were too stubborn to listen. And now look!
PETER: Oh my God. Booze made me think I was fighting Hulk Hogan when I was fighting you guys! Well, no more will that happen. From this day on, Peter Griffin will never drink again!
After a BEAT, Meg and Neil with their braces still locked together come out to the yard.
MEG: Mom, where do we keep the sharp knives? I want to kill myself.
A/N: And that concludes the first act! Quite a ballsy move for Peter. But will he stick to it? And how will Meg deal with being stuck to Neil? Find out in Act 2 when that releases... sometime soon I don't like putting release dates on these.