A/N: Okaaaay, so I'm behind on finishing this story by three months even after my co-writer finished their work two months ago. I'd give a long apology, but... look let's just finish what we started and see Peter's goddamn beer issues.
INT. GRIFFINS' KITCHEN - DAY
Peter eats his food as normal while the family and his parents (minus Meg) stare at him in confusion.
CHRIS: So Dad, what's with the collar?
STEWIE: And uh, where can I get one? I wanna see if I can use it for (EYES BRIAN) special purposes.
Brian "accidentally" pushes Stewie's high-chair, which topples over with a crash.
PETER: This thing is what's keeping me from thinking about beer-(COLLAR SHOCKS HIM) Ah! O-Or anything related to... it. (COLLAR SHOCKS HIM HARSHER) Aah!
BRIAN: What did it shock you for this time?
PETER: Don't worry it'll be fine...(SHOCKED AGAIN) Dah! By the way, it might do that sometimes. I think Mr. Pewterschmidt put some extra words or phrases in without me knowin'.
LOIS: Wait, Daddy put you in that collar?
THELMA: Alright that's it. We're gettin' that collar of you.
Thelma goes to the back of Peter and tries to take off the collar, but it electrocutes her, making her yelp.
FRANCIS: I'm not surprised by that, Lois. Your father isn't exactly the nicest person. Especially with the (AIR QUOTES) "quality time" I spent with him.
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Carter and Francis crouch in the bushes. Both are holding hunting rifles.
CARTER: Francis, it's time us grandpas get together and bag our first Bengal Tiger. Now, go ahead into the clearing.
Francis steps carefully into the clearing. Carter aims his rifle at Francis' back. We see Francis in the cross-hairs of Carter's gun.
CARTER: You're doing great, Francis! Now a little to the left...
Carter clicks the action on the rifle. Hearing the sound, Francis whirls around.
FRANCIS: Are you trying to shoot me?!
CARTER: (STILL AIMING AT FRANCIS) No.
Francis looks unamused and shoots Carter in his left leg. Carter drops his gun and clutches his bleeding leg.
CARTER: Ah! You dumbass, you shot me in the leg! Arrgh!
Francis walks past Carter as he continues to roll in pain.
INT. PEWTERSCHMIDT MANOR - EVENING (BACK TO PRESENT)
Carter and Babs are watching TV. ANGLE ON the television.
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.): We now return to "Dinner, Movie, Bad Sex and Apology"
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT (ON TV)
The HOST lies in bed and looks at the CAMERA. We are in the CAMERA'S P.O.V. as if lying next to him.
HOST: That was hot! Sorry I chickened out with sex in the middle.
INT. PEWTERSCHMIDT MANOR - EVENING (BACK TO SCENE)
The phone rings.
CARTER: 1-2-3 not going to the phone!
BABS: (SIGH) I'll answer it.
Babs goes and answers the phone
BABS: (INTO PHONE) Hello? Oh, hi Lois. (BEAT) Carter did what?! (BEAT) Okay, I'll get him over. Don't worry, I know what to do. (TO CARTER) Carter, Lois just called and wants us to come visit.
CARTER (O.S.): Ugh, again?
BABS: She said she's divorcing Peter.
Carter soon comes rushing with a suitcase with a label saying "IN CASE OF DIVORCE". Carter takes Babs' hand.
CARTER: (FAST) Why didn't you say that? Let's gogogo!
EXT. ROADS - EVENING
The Pewterschmidt limo drives fast down the road and passes by the Goldman House.
INT. GOLDMAN'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Meg is on the couch with Neil and his parents, watching an old black-and-white movie while the "Hotel California" album is playing on the record player.
MORT: You see, Meg, we would watch old movies and see if any are in sync with the album. Enjoying yourself?
MEG: (THINKING) God, this is so boring! These people are total nerds! And I'm stuck doing nerdy things with them!
NEIL: She's enjoying it so much, she doesn't have time to answer.
MEG: (THINKING) Maybe I should hang myself. It'll be less boring.
INT. GRIFFINS' LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Carter bursts through the door with partyhorn and hat.
CARTER: I heard you're getting a divorce! (BLOWS PARTYHORN)
Lois pins Carter to a nearby wall.
LOIS: Dad, explain why Peter's wearing a shock collar. Now.
CARTER: (BEAT) You tricked me, Babs! They didn't divorce!
BABS: Serves you right for going behind my back on that decision!
FRANCIS: Ya better start fessin', or things are gonna get ugly!
CARTER: What's there to explain? Peter came to me in the middle of the night and asked for help, so I helped him.
BABS: Carter, you gave him a collar that was made for slaves!
CARTER: I know! I thought it'd be funny to put it on him for kicks.
THELMA: I don't care how (AIR QUOTES) "funny" you think it is, I want my Petey out of that collar now! He looks miserable with that on.
ANGLE ON Peter looking worse for wear in his armchair. He has bags under his eyes. Stewie looks to study the collar with a notepad.
PETER: (DRAINED) I'm not miserable. I'm... I'm fine.
The collar shocks him again, knocking Stewie off. And again. And again. ANGLE ON Carter, revealed to be pressing a button to activate it on its own.
CARTER: Yeah, I'm not takin' the collar off him. It's too funny!
FRANCIS: You're shockin' him just for kicks?!
BABS: Carter Pewterschmidt, of all the nonsense you've pulled, this has got to be one of the scummist actions yet!
CARTER: Wait, hold on, I did it wrong. All right, group question. (PULLS OUT NOTE AND MIC; READING) "When Carter revealed he put a shock collar on Peter for kicks, the family was, blank".
BABS/LOIS/THELMA/FRANCIS/BRIAN : FURIOUS!
CARTER: Everyone says furious, let's see what the panel says.
PAN RIGHT TO REVEAL a set similar to Match Game in the living room. With the contestants being - from left to right, top to bottom - Charles Durning, Florence Stanley, Norm MacDonald, Sam Waterson, John G. Brennan and Patrick Warburton.
CARTER: Charles Durning, what do you have?
CHARLES DURNING: (HOLDS HIS CARD) AIDS.
CARTER: Florence Stanley?
FLORENCE STANLEY: (HOLDS HER CARD) Cancer.
CARTER: Norm MacDonald?
NORM MACDONALD: (HOLDS HIS CARD) Cancer, probably from AIDS.
Norm MacDonald does a chortle and winks at Carter, who laughs.
CARTER: Oh, Norm, you old popinjay.
FRANCIS: Carter, we're serious! You take that collar off Peter, or we're getting physical!
CARTER: Oh, yeah?!
FRANCIS: Yeah!
The two then put their fists up and begin circling around each other. Stewie leans in excited.
CARTER: Oh, yeah?!
FRANCIS: Yeah!
The two continue to repeat these lines and continue to circle each other. After a few seconds, the hype dies down. Stewie sinks to annoyance.
CHRIS: (TO BRIAN) I don't think they're throwing the first punch.
BRIAN: Of course, because if either does, the one who did looks awful. (BEAT) This is going to take a while.
While the others are busy, Peter slowly moves away unnoticed and out the door.
INT. NEIL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Neil and Meg both removed their clothes. Meg puts on her yellow pajama pants.
MEG: Neil, can you please help me put my shirt on?
NEIL: Why certainly.
Neil helped get Meg's yellow shirt on her and not to stretch it too much. Then it's her turn to help him put on his blue footie pajamas.
NEIL: Gee, thanks, Meg!
MEG: It's no big deal.
NEIL: (DREAMILY) It is to me.
EXT./ESTB. DRUNKEN CLAM - NIGHT
Peter drives up to the bar and exits his car. He looks miserable. His collar slowly lightens up.
PETER: (TO COLLAR) Settle down, I'm just going in for some water.
The collar ceases its fire.
INT. DRUNKEN CLAM - NIGHT
Peter enters and sits near the bar table. Horace, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe take notice and come to him.
HORACE/QUAGMIRE/CLEVELAND/JOE: Peter!
QUAGMIRE: Welcome back! It was starting to get boring without you.
CLEVELAND: Yeah. We started talking about filing taxes!
HORACE: The horror... ya want some beer?
PETER: Not here for beer. Just a drink of a non-alcoholic beverage.
JOE: Geez, Peter, you look terrible. What happened?
PETER: Been wearing collar. No beer no shock. No shock no...no...
Peter stares off. The guys can't help but feel bad for Peter.
CLEVELAND: Don't worry, Peter. We'll get this collar off you.
QUAGMIRE: Yeah. Friends don't let their friends torture themselves.
PETER: Wouldn't do that.
Cleveland and Quagmire get behind the collar to detach it, but get shocked with enough force to send them crashing into a booth.
PETER: Has safety precautions.
Joe looks at his beer jug, and whistles as he pours beer on the back of the collar, which short-circuits and deactivates the collar, which Peter fails to notice. Horace hands Peter a jug full of beer.
HORACE: Here. Free of charge. This round only. Other rounds charge.
Peter takes the beer and drinks. Soon, his eyes lighten up with life.
QUAGMIRE: Feel better, Peter?
PETER: The collar... is gone.
JOE: 'Course it is. I short circuited it.
PETER: (LAUGHS MAD) The collar... is gone.
He starts twitching and laughing madly. The guys slowly back away.
PETER: The collar is gone!
Peter looks towards a table with two bargoers drinking with a beer pitcher on their table. He dashes to them, chugs the beer pitcher and smashes it on the floor.
PETER: Woohoo hoo! I'm never goin' back! (SCREAMS)
Peter runs and breaks through a wall. ANGLE ON Horace and the guys.
HORACE: Wuh-oh.
CLEVELAND: This ain't good.
EXT./ESTB. GOLDMAN HOUSE - SUNRISE
INT. NEIL'S BEDROOM - SAME
Meg wakes up with Neil in front of her, cuddled in his blanket. Meg couldn't help but find him sleeping cute, kind of.
MEG: (THINKING) Neil looks kinda cute sleeping. So innocent.
NEIL: (WAKING UP) Good morning, my dear.
MEG: Morning, cutie.
MEG: (THINKING) Did I just say that out loud?!
NEIL: Ohh, looks like someone is admitting their love.
MURIEL: Neil! Meg! Breakfast!
NEIL: Coming, mom! Let's go, Meg.
The two went down stairs, still in their pajamas. The two share a chair together.
MEG: So, what's for breakfast?
Muriel serves their usual Jewish breakfast that doesn't look so appetizing to Meg.
MURIEL: Enjoy, Meg.
MEG: Gee, thanks…
Meg takes a bite of it with her fork, and nearly gagged before swallowing it.
MURIEL: (HAPPILY) Delicious, isn't it?
MEG: (FAKE SMILING) Very!
EXT./ESTB. GRIFFINS' HOUSE - MORNING
Quagmire's car drives up to the house.
INT. GRIFFINS' LIVING ROOM - SAME
Carter and Francis are still circling around each other, but more sluggishly. Most of the family is on the sofa sleeping, with Chris having a video camera on his stomach.
CARTER: (TIRED) Oh, yeah...
FRANCIS: (TIRED) Yeah...
Horace, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe burst through the door, startling the family.
HORACE: Check over there for him! I'll check in here.
Horace runs into the den, while Joe shoves Lois, Brian and Chris off the sofa and looks under the sofa and pulls apart sofa cushions, and Quagmire and Cleveland search elsewhere. The family looks beyond puzzled.
LOIS: Uh, excuse me, why are you four going through our house?
Joe stops, Horace peaks out from the den and Cleveland and Quagmire look down from the stairs to look at the family. Quagmire holds one of Lois' bras, which he quickly glances at before hiding behind him.
HORACE: (NERVOUS) Uh, just looking for Peter for no needed reason.
BRIAN: Peter? He's been right... here.
ANGLE ON Peter's now empty armchair.
FRANCIS: (ANNOYED) What did you do?
HORACE: What, we didn't do anything. Aside from maybe, uh ... ahem ... (FAST) Disabled his collar and gave him beer.
CARTER: Yooooooouuuuuuu WHAT?!
JOE: Calm down, calm down, he's fine.
QUAGMIRE: Yeah, he's not hurt or injured or some other negative body outcome.
CLEVELAND: Aside from him last being seen drinking large amounts of beer and running out in a wild state.
HORACE/QUAGMIRE/JOE: (ANGERLY) CLEVELAND!
THELMA: You mean my baby's roaming on the streets unhinged?!
HORACE: (SHEEPISHLY) Uh, unhinged is such a negative word...
CARTER: I believe I can locate him. I planted a tracking chip on him years ago.
Carter takes out a laptop from his suitcase and begins typing. He looks to see the family eyeing him.
CARTER: Chill out, it's harmless!
FRANCIS: I don't know. It's hard to trust you with your shotty track record of holy behavior.
BRIAN: Couldn't that also work for you?
A book is flung at Brian. He dodges it. ANGLE ON Babs.
BABS: A tracking chip? You didn't put those on us , did you?
A little blinking light emits from everyone except Carter, Horace, Cleveland, Quagmire and Joe. Carter, worried, quickly shuts off their trackers.
CARTER: (BEAT; EMBARRASSED) Would you believe me if I said no?
BRIAN: We have got to talk after this.
A beeping sound emits from the laptop.
CARTER: Got 'em! He's not to far away. Now, I'm sure you all can figure out the details, so I'll just... head out for a hill.
Carter tries to leave, but Babs quickly grabs his collar.
BABS: Nuh uh, Carter. (GRIMLY) You're coming with us.
EXT. GRIFFINS' HOUSE - DAY
The family (minus Chris), alongside Horace, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe exit. Chris looks out from the doorway.
LOIS: Chris, watch after Stewie! We'll be back soon.
Quagmire's car and the Pewterschmidt limo takes off. Chris waves them off. Stewie then enters.
STEWIE: Did you get the fight on the camera, tubby?
Chris then takes a tape out the video camera and hands it to Stewie.
CHRIS: They never laid a punch on each other dude, but I still got footage from the first six hours.
EXT./ESTB. GOLDMAN'S HOUSE - DAY
Nancy rings the doorbell. Mort answers the door, to which Nancy hands Mort a package.
NANCY: Package for Mort Goldman?
MORT: Ooh, I've been expecting this!
Mort slams the door going inside. Nancy groans.
NANCY: Not even a bloody thank you.
INT. GOLDMAN'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Meg and Neil are on the sofa. Meg is seen visibly uncomfortable as Neil looks at her. Mort enters, tearing open the box and revealing it to be a can of lubricant.
MORT: Guess what just came?
MEG: Yes! Finally!
NEIL: What a shame, our time as one has to come to an end. (HOLDS MEG'S HAND) I just wanna let you know, I'll always cherish our time together. And I know you will too.
MEG: (REMOVES HER HAND FROM NEIL'S GRIP) Can we get this over with already?!
Mort applies a drop of the lubricant into the spot where their braces get locked together. It starts becoming loose, and immediately, after Meg pulls a little, she's finally free.
MEG: Yes, I'm free! I'm finally free!
Meg rushed upstairs, leaving Neil slightly disappointed.
NEIL: (DEJECTED) Yeah, good for you.
She returns with her duffle bag ready to leave. As she heads for the door, she noticed Neil, sitting down in front of the door, looking a little down. For some reason she hated to see him like this. So against her better judgment, she decided to check up on him.
MEG: What's wrong, Neil? Aren't you glad to be free?
NEIL: I guess I should. But… (SIGHS) I kinda like being stuck with you. We got to spend time together a lot more than we ever did. I was hoping you feel the same way, and that maybe you'd start to like me more, and that you'd actually wanna go out with me. Meg, I really like you, a lot. I've always liked you. Nothing will ever change that. You're pretty, and smart, and you're strong enough to deal with a lot of crap in your life. Perhaps that's another reason why I want you to be my girlfriend, so we could be strong together. But who am I kidding? Even you think I'm a big nerdy loser.
Meg was surprised by Neil's sincerity and insightfulness.
MEG: Neil, I'm not gonna lie, you ARE too nerdy. That's why I always rejected you because I'm afraid to be even more of an outcast. Especially since we both wear glasses and now braces, which would only put me further down the social ladder. But, I appreciate you helping me a lot these past couple of days. And I'll admit, spending time with you was pretty fun for the most part. I don't mind us hanging out.
NEIL: Really? You wanna hang out with me?
MEG: Of course. But only as friends. And once in a while.
Neil smiles upon hearing that.
NEIL: (LEANS CLOSER) How about a little "friendly" kiss?
Neil starts puckering up, only for Meg to suddenly bitch slap him.
MEG: Don't push it, Neil!
Neil rubs his slapped cheek, then he grabs the hand which Meg slapped with.
NEIL: (LOVEY-DOVEY) Oh Meg, someday our two worlds will be one again.
Meg groans and pulls her hand away and stands up. But in a quick motion, she gives Neil a kiss on that same cheek. As Neil silently stares at Meg as she picks up her duffle bag and heads home, he suddenly jumps up and starts dancing, embarrassingly.
NEIL: Yes! Meg kissed me! I knew she liked me! (SINGING) Meg is gonna go out with me! Meg is gonna go out with me!
She stops and looks back at him dancing rather badly.
MEG: (SIGH) Neil always has to ruin the moment.
Yet, she couldn't help but smile.
EXT. GOLDMAN HOUSE - DAY
Meg begins to walk home. Soon after she leaves, the Pewterschmidt's limo and Quagmire's car drive after him.
INT. PEWTERSCHMIDT LIMO - DAY
Lois is behind the wheel. Brian is next to her looking at the tracking laptop.
LOIS: Brian come on, what's the news on Peter?
BRIAN: It's almost cleared... got him! (TO RADIO) He's at the Beer Lifetime!
INT. QUAGMIRE'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
BRIAN (O.S.): Repeat, he's at the Beer Lifetime.
PAN OUT TO show Quagmire driving while Cleveland, Horace and Joe listen in.
JOE: You heard the dog! Go!
Quagmire swerves to a right lane, which creates dust that covers the screen and transitions to the next scene.
TRANSITION TO:
MAP
A Peter marker moves from place to place, with a limo marker and car marker following behind. The Peter marker moves to a new spot on the map.
THELMA (O.S.): Wait, now he's at Quahog Cantina!
The limo and car markers shift to move to the Peter marker, which moves to a different spot on the map.
BRIAN (O.S.): Change course, now he's at The Brass Monkey!
BABS (O.S.): Now he's at Itali' Cabin!
Voices start ab-libbing new locations Peter arrives at. The Peter, limo and car markers start rapidly spiraling all over the map.
LOIS (O.S.): Stop, stop! This isn't working!
Lois' hand comes onto the map and rips it into her palm, transitioning to the next scene.
INT. PEWTERSCHMIDT LIMO - SUNSET
LOIS: We're just running around like idiots almost all day! We need a better way to catch Peter.
BRIAN: Hmmm, it seems he always seems to hit places that have beer in them. Wait a minute, wait a minute! I know how we can stop Peter, but we need someone to play bait.
ANGLE ON Carter. The family looks at him and he catches on.
CARTER: Oh no no no! There's no way I'm serving as...
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. ROADS - SUNSET
Carter is now strapped with beer cans and bottles. He looks annoyed.
CARTER: Bait. (TO EARPIECE) Why do I have to do this?
Carter touches his right ear. SPLIT SCREEN TO INCLUDE Lois and Francis in the limo.
FRANCIS: You're da one who put that damned collar on my boy. You got what you asked for!
CARTER: (GROANS LONG LIKE A CHILD) FINE-AH!
Carter pops open a beer can, which makes an echo.
INT. BAR - CONTINUOUS
Peter is seen drinking from the beer tap, when he hears the sound echo in his head, making him shoot up.
EXT. ROADS - CONTINUOUS
Carter looks around rather bored until he hears the ground start to rumble, which startles him. it's Peter, zooming towards them like a bullet and colliding with everything in his way.
CARTER: (FEARED) Ho... ly… Craaapp!
Carter begins running, screaming as Peter bullets after him. He rounds a corner that Peter follows, and Carter starts to speed up to get through the road while the light is still red. Causing a car to stop to avoid hitting him, and another car to rear end the front car. Peter takes no notice to this and jumps on the cars to get to Carter.
ANGLE ON Carter, who contacts his earpiece.
CARTER: (TO EARPIECE) You idiots better know what you're doing!
EXT. ALLEYWAY - CONTINUOUS
Carter turns down to a double way alley before he's pounced on by Peter. Carter throws a few punches, but is overpowered by Peter, who clocks him out with a punch, and rips the beer strapped on him. The Pewterschmidt limo and Quagmire's car come from both sides of the alley cornering Peter, they're car lights blinding him and making him hiss.
ANGLE ON Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland slowly exiting the car.
JOE: Now Peter, just put the beer can down.
PETER: I'm gonna drink this beer and NOBODY CAN STOP ME!
Peter opens a can and drinks it, only to quickly realize it WASN'T beer and quickly coughs out while grabbing his throat.
PETER: This isn't beer! It's alcohol free beer! (WEAKENED) It burns! IT BURNS!
While he does this, the family, Quagmire, Horace, Cleveland and Joe slowly try to approach him, however Brian makes it there faster and just whacks Peter from behind with a fireplace shovel. Peter goes down.
BRIAN: Before anyone says anything, it was faster, less dangerous and you'll all welcome.
EXT./ESTB. QUAHOG MEDICAL CENTER - NIGHT
INT. WAITING ROOM - NIGHT
Dr. Kaplan is seen closing up his office, before bumping into Lois, carrying a knocked out Peter from the front. Francis and Thelma are seen carrying the behind.
LOIS: Hi Dr. Kaplan, uh, we're having some more issues with this patient and we need to double it down.
FRANCIS: You uh, got some package deal where we can put more visits in with him?
ANGLE ON Brian, who's holding up Peter's stomach area.
BRIAN: Preferably ten or twenty?
KAPLAN: (SIGH) I prefer not to push for frequent visits.BRIAN: Look, I can see he's a mess, but we'll pay you extra.
KAPLAN: Brian–LOIS: We-We'll give you a vacation paid in advance!
KAPLAN: Listen, I–FRANCIS: (ROLLING DOWN HIS SLEEVE) I'll give you my blood!
KAPLAN: Listen! The reason why is that I feel its not necessary to have multiple visits. While Peter and I were having our talk, we were able to see how many times he overdosed from beer.Dr. Kaplan takes out a notepad and shows it to Lois, Francis, Thelma and Brian. To their surprise Peter's tallies don't go as far as they thought. Almost staying around one to three, sometimes going over four to five, per year.
KAPLAN: To my surprise, he seems to do it quite rarely throughout the years. There seems to be a couple major overdoses but besides that, he seems to have a surprising amount of control over.BRIAN: Are-Are you suggesting something, Doc?
KAPLAN: I suggest maybe to let him have his beer? I mean, besides, all of us have addictions we may or may not admit. We're not too unlike Peter's beer problems in a way.Brian, Lois, Thelma and Francis ad-lib disagreement. "No way", "Not a chance", "We're not like Peter." ANGLE ON Dr. Kaplan, who raises an eyebrow and clearly not convinced, which makes them nervous.
LOIS: I guess I have a small thing with wine.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. GRIFFINS' LIVING ROOM - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Chris comes running down the stairs with a painting in hand.
CHRIS: Hey Mom, you wanna see my painting I made of you? (SHE'S NOT THERE) Mom? Mom?
Lois slams into the front window with a wine bottle in her hand, startling Chris.
LOIS: Hi, Charlie. You playin' with your kitty cat?
Lois slowly falls down from the window before crashing into the bushes.
INT. MEG'S BEDROOM - DAY (FLASHBACK)
BRIAN (O.S.): And I guess I drink a little too many martinis.
Brian is rummaging through Meg's room, looking anxious. Meg enters and sees the mess Brian made.
MEG: Brian, why the hell are you going through my room?!
BRIAN: (GOING THROUGH MARTINI WITHDRAW) Meg, I need money for dry martinis, like now. Like yesterday, like NOW!
INT. CASINO - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
A young Thelma in her 40s is staring at a casino slot. Continually pulling the lever to play, losing, and putting more money inside.
THELMA (O.S.): And I guess I'm too into my gambling sprees.
THELMA: (EVERY TIME SHE LOSES) Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
INT. WAITING ROOM - NIGHT (BACK TO PRESENT)
Lois, Brian and Thelma continue thinking. They then look to Francis.
FRANCIS: What? I got nothing to hide!
THELMA: Please Francis, you're no saint either.
INT. FRANCIS AND THELMA'S APARTMENT - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Francis is on the bed in a white jumper and his pants slightly loose, holding a magazine. There's tissues and lotion on the counter with a balled up wad of tissues. Thelma enters.
THELMA: Frany, were you masterbating again?
Francis quickly looks at the wad, grabs it and runs out. A flush is heard from offscreen. Francis then reenters.
FRANCIS: Prove it.
INT. WAITING ROOM - NIGHT (BACK TO PRESENT)
FRANCIS: I had a bloody nose! That's why it was there!
THELMA: (NOT BUYING IT) Riiiight.
KAPLAN: Even I'm not immune to it. We all aren't! I'm not advocating for letting him fully off, but, maybe meet him halfway?LOIS: Meet Peter... halfway...
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. PETER AND LOIS' BEDROOM - SUNRISE
Peter slowly wakes up to see himself on the bed. Lois and Francis waited near the foot, not knowing he woke up.
FRANCIS: Hey look. The drunk finally got himself awake.
PETER: Lois? Dad? W-Where are the others?
LOIS: They gave up waiting for you to wake up after we knocked you out and left.
PETER: Oh, right. Boy, I got lota apologizing to do for my outburst, especially to Mr. Pewterschmidt.
FRANCIS: Don't worry 'bout Carter. We filed him one already, and he's taking it fine.
INT. PEWTERSCHMIDT MANOR - EVENING (CUTAWAY)
Carter now has a shock collar on his neck, which continually shocks him.
CARTER: GAH! That damn Griffin (SHOCKED) ARG! - Putting a collar on me while I was - (SHOCKED) DAAH! - Knocked out! This won't be the end of this, Griffin! (SHOCKED) AUUGH!
ANGLE ON Babs and Thelma, looking at Carter's shocking.
THELMA: Think we should tell 'im you were the one to put the collar on him?
BABS: (SLYLY) Carter can find out on his own.
INT. PETER AND LOIS' BEDROOM - SUNRISE (BACK TO SCENE)
LOIS: Listen, we were planning to get you more sessions for what happened earlier. But, we were talking with Dr. Kaplan, and we decided to try a different approach.
Francis pulls out a six pack of beer and tosses it to Peter, who fails to catch it and begins fumbling with it in the air. Upon catching it, Peter looks concerned with it and begins sniffing the cans.
FRANCIS: They're real beer cans. No lite version and with no strings attached.
PETER: W-Why are you letting me have beer?
FRANCIS: See son, my father told me that it's better to find a work agreement in issues than to make a bigger mess of it.
PETER: I thought Grandpa told you being Christian made you a disappointment in his eyes.
FRANCIS: (BEAT) Well, let's not get crazy...
LOIS: We'll leave you and take off to check repairs on the car. Which is still totaled from what I hear.
FRANCIS: What the hell did you do that night?
PETER: I don't know, beer's one hell of a ride, eh? (SMIRKS FUNNY)
FRANCIS: Don't push it lad. You should be lucky we even considered giving you a six pack.
Peter gives a sheepish smile as Lois and Francis leave. Peter takes out a beer and begins to open it, but he stops when he looks upon the photos of his family around the room. He looks back at the beer can, which he sets down on the counter and exits out the door. A BEAT happens, and Peter reenters to get a beer can he jams in his pocket and leaves again, for real and the screen goes BLACK.
EXT./ESTB. GRIFFINS' HOUSE - DAYS LATER
INT. GRIFFINS' LIVING ROOM - SAME
Brian sits on the sofa reading a newspaper (NOTE: the camera is shot to not show the full living room). Peter enters.
BRIAN: Hey, someone's back from their session. What Kaplan had to say?
PETER: Oh he said I'm fine. The beer incident was just an overdose and he told me if I play my drinking cards right, I can drink and keep my family safe. That sort of thing.
BRIAN: Well I'm glad you're learning more self-control.
PETER: Yeah. You guys can take off the protective gear now.
PAN OUT TO REVEAL the rest of the family, sans Peter and Brian, in protective gear.
FRANCIS: Well, I uh...
MEG: I just had my teeth fixed sooo...
CHRIS: Ehhh...
LOIS: Nooooo..
THELMA: I'd give him a week.
A/N: And, scene! Thank you all sooooo much for waiting so long for this to be done. And biggest apologies to Tito-Mosquito for having to wait so long for my dumbass to get off writer's block (sorry for that dude, hope we can collab again!)
So what did you think about the story? Did you like the story? Any parts you liked? Parts you would have done differently? Be sure to comment, favorite and share this story to show your love, as it makes me feel like someone's reading and until my next fan fiction, Adios!