DISCLAIMER I DO NOT OWN AIKATSU NOR THE SONGS USED

*Gray and Blue by Kenshi Yonezu

TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF CHRONIC ILLNESS AND DEATH

Shouta's POV

My title is Natural Rookie. A title given to me because of how instinctive I acted despite my very clear lack of knowledge on the extensive history revolving around Aikatsu. I couldn't understand how people could see that in me. Nearly a year ago I was a normal student. I was probably considered less since I barely talked to others and didn't participate in any school events. I never would have thought that I of all people would be where I was today.

The main person responsible for creating this version of me being the girl running like a headless chicken. Momo was always going around to arrange things that our group fan meet today was no different. It seemed as if she was almost rejuvenated by planning everything out. Even when we were trying to help she ensured that our jobs were to relax and later we would take over. Forgetting that she was supposed to go out there as well. That or she didn't really mind not having a break.

"Momo-chan, you really should sit down for a bit. We'll be heading on stage soon." Hayate called out as she rushed past us.

"Hayate's right. You're going to collapse at this point." Fumiko appeared behind her to make her sit down. She held her clipboard close.

"But there's still a lot that needs to be arranged." She stood back up when Takahashi joined in the mini intervention.

"Momo you need to sit down at this point."

She smiled at her. "Oh Charlotte-senpai, you know your eyes don't scare me even if you try it."

They all sighed at her attitude. I shared their concern that I felt the need to help out as well. I walked over to her, gently taking the clipboard out of her hands. Everyone else watched silently as I did it. "Momo-san, you can relax for a little bit. You already did so much that I'm sure the rest of the event can continue with you on standby."

"But-"

"Don't you trust the workers to do their jobs?" I interrupted her. "If they need you, you'll still be here. Just sit down for a bit. That's your main responsibility as an idol today as well."

Momo slowly dropped her arms reaching for the clipboard. She pouted a bit as she turned away from me. "Fine. Your points are valid. But I still want my clipboard on me just in case!"

I nodded, handing it back to her. Hayate threw an arm around my shoulders. "Trés bien Dobu-kun! Leave it up to you to be able to convince Momo-chan to relax."

"Momo-san is easy to work with if you know her habits. You do seem a bit more on edge today though. Are you alright?"

"I'm okay but I do admit that I feel a bit more pressure than past events that it all goes well today."

"Why's that?"

"Because, minus the event we have with SELF and Yu-kun next week, this is one of the last main ways to put our names out there for the Royal Cup. Fan meet and greets like this are vital to understanding those that will support us in the coming times and repaying them. This event should be handled with the intention of reminding everyone here today that we are nothing without those around us. To create that memory through backstage work and on stage is my desire as an idol."

"Thank you for the care Momo-san." We all understood her desire. We've been in the business long enough to see that nothing would have been possible without both our fans and those behind the scenes. Her way of doing it was different than ours but it suited her well. Only she could be so involved and enjoy it.

"But look at all of these people." Fumiko peered out through the curtain at the venue filled with eager fans. "Are they really here to see us? We're a bunch of first years. Minus Charlotte who is still new."

"Don't forget that all of you, though it is our first year as idols, have made quite the impression. You've all worked hard that I would be surprised if we didn't all be in the top 10 for the Royalty cup. Taking home a crown as well. When I was looking at the statistics of group fan meets for people with the same criteria as us, there was only 1 meeting that did slightly better than us in garnering attention in the last 3 decades."

"And what group of people was that?"

She smiled. "My mom, Auntie Aoi, Ran, Otome and Yurika-sama. Auntie Sakura wasn't enrolled yet at that time to note."

"Amazing! We are as popular as they were?!" She nodded, giving Fumiko a pat on the head.

"You all have grown spectacularly. In both gaining a fan base and as people. Hear those that take the time to love you. Make today another experience to learn from. One day we'll all surpass what we believe to be the standard. I know it." No matter how many times I saw Momo's idol aura, it never fails to impress me. Sitting with perfect posture and a light smile on her face, her words were her strongest form of inspiration.

"Wooo Momo is a real cool idol. All fancy talking and not even trying." The younger version of her would have moved away from her very excited roommate. This one accepted the form of affection. She's grown a lot more than we did.

"Suzukawa-san?" She almost stood up at a worker calling her when Takahashi placed a hand back on her shoulder to stay put. She forced a bit of a smile at not being able to work.

"How may I help you?"

"We're going to get started in ten minutes, you said you wanted to do a run check during this time?"

"Yes I did!" She snaked her way out of the grasp of the two girls while Hayate and I laughed. Still the same girl as ever I guess. I wouldn't take it any other way.

After 10 minutes, the fan meet started. On my right was Hayate and on my left was Momo, Fumiko and Takahashi. Now I've met with fans briefly before. At concerts, before and after venues, randomly on the streets, nothing like this. With these kinds of events, everyone was given a chance to talk to me face to face. Prepare themselves to talk to me. I was supposed to be someone that people needed time to prepare to meet?

As per my lessons, I tried to sign, talk and make eye contact with each person that took the time to come meet me today. That was proven a lot more difficult than I expected in real life. Classroom situations didn't have the barring weight that I could make or break someone's day.

My signature was fairly simple too. My name linked together, musical eighth notes at the end and thank you written in English. The fact that I couldn't match Momo who put literal math equations and Fumiko who drew a unique face at the end of each was saying a lot. I won't mention Takahashi and Hayate who were always on top of things.

Everyone was so nice though! They understood that it was hard for me and were easy to talk to. Minus all the compliments that I could only thank them for. That was always going to be embarrassing to be on the receiving end of. Somehow my fellow idols took them really well though. Each of them having their own way of talking with fans that was both welcoming and fun.

"Um Higawari?" I focused back on the signature that I was currently doing.

"Sorry my mind was elsewhere. What was your name again?"

"Nagihiko. Oh but most of my friends call me Nagi." I chuckled a bit.

"That's funny, I had an old classmate that had the same name. You even have a similar pitched voice as... him..." Raising my head I was greeted by a familiar face. A boy my age with an almost girlish charm dressed in my old school uniform. The pen in my hand almost fell out.

"Yo Higawari, how are you doing?"

"Nagihiko-san..." I knew this person. Nagihiko was a popular-ish boy back at my old school. I didn't know him that well besides the brief passing. He was athletic, got okay grades and, above all, he was charismatic. We hardly talked much but we didn't think badly of each other. At least not on my end.

Last time I saw him was at his mini going away party. My classmates had thrown it to bid him goodbye as he went to study abroad half way through the year. I think it was to study different dance forms? I don't remember much about him other than word of mouth. Yet here he was at my fan meet. In front of me right now.

"Did I surprise you that much? Sorry I didn't know if your number was the same. Or if it was okay for me to message you."

"No no I was just- wow you're here! So you're a fan of one of us? What a crazy coincidence! Um when did you um come back to Japan? Did you meet with everyone else yet?" I stared down at the, basically, blank shikishi. I had to focus extra extra hard on not messing up this signature. This was probably the first time I had a real conversation with him that I didn't know where to start.

"Not yet. I only arrived early this week so I've been settling in. I do plan on meeting them next week though. They said that they were throwing a welcome back party for me; I'm excited to see how they changed. You definitely did. I couldn't believe them when they said that you became a Starlight idol! Checked out your work and now here we are. Oh! Are there any messages you wanted to pass along to everyone?"

I haven't talked to anyone since I transferred. No one even knew I was going to because I met Momo during our break before the school year started. It wasn't like I had friends that would particularly miss me. I was pretty much only invited to Nagihiko's going away party because of the fact that it happened in the classroom. I probably wouldn't have even known he was back if he wasn't standing in front of me.

"It's okay. It would probably make them feel uncomfortable to suddenly bring me up."

"No way! From their messages they seem to be fans of yours as well! Man am I going to rub it in their faces that I got to see you before they did." I could only laugh weakly at him. Holding a conversation with a fan was hard enough. An old classmate that was mister popular, even more.

"I'm glad that they don't look badly on me. You know because I disappeared on them basically. To be honest, having you in front of me is a lot. I haven't talked to you since you left. Any of them actually. Not just you. It would be better if I did it myself. Not that I could invite myself to such a party. That's rude of me. Sorry."

He blinked a few times. "Do you want to be invited?"

"Huh? I couldn't. I was just babbling. Don't mind me."

"No like I would totally be cool if you wanted to come. I obviously can't make you come and you're probably busy with preparing for the Royalty cup. I was more than happy that I could speak to you today. I'll be sure to tell everyone else that you're doing well though. We're all rooting for you so make us proud. The invite will still be open for you though. It's next Saturday at my place. I'll keep this between us so if you don't show, no biggie. Cool?"

"Y-yeah. I'll yeah I will try to come by, if I can. Sure." Truth be told, I didn't really know how to feel about getting invited. Or not invited originally? Nagihiko was always in a different world from me. To return to that as a different person, felt so unnatural. Still a part of me wanted to go.

There was a small beep noise that came behind me indicating that it was end of his session. It was both a relief and a burden that it was so short. I would have liked to hear a bit more how he was doing. There was a chance that he could show up again at a future fan meeting. There was also the chance that I could see him at his party. The latter being my choice to see him. And the rest of my classmates.

"That sounds like my time is up. It was nice seeing you again. I'll be rooting for you as your fan." He gave a quick bow as he took his signed shichiki to Momo. I mumbled my goodbye as it went so quickly.

"Nice to meet you. Forgive me for listening to parts of your conversation but I've never met someone from Shouta-kun's old school." She paused when she looked over Nagihiko. "You have a sunflower lanyard?"

He cracked a small smile at the green and yellow lanyard dangling out of his pocket. "Oh this? I got it when I went to Europe for my studies. The teacher that gave it to me said it would help me even when I came back home. Not many people have it here though."

"Your name is Nagihiko-kun, correct? What did you study?"

"Yes, you can call me Nagi! I studied different dance forms in order to improve my skills in traditional Japanese dance." She nodded and held her hand out. Nagihiko was a bit confused as touching us idols was strictly forbidden unless we gave our consent. For Momo, she hardly gave her hand out for longer than a high five. Towards Nagihiko she shook his hand with both of hers. Maybe because he was my past classmate?

"I hope I can view a performance of yours one day then Nagi-kun." There was a flash of sadness in his eyes that I couldn't figure out why.

"It's an honour to hear that from you."

"The fact that you feel honoured is the same for me." She released his hands to start signing. "So tell me what do you think of my performances? I would love to hear an evaluation from someone with a diverse set of knowledge."

I stopped listening to their conversation when the next fan in line came up to me. His offer lingered in the back of my mind throughout the rest of the fan meeting.

"To end off our remarks I, once again, thank everyone that took the time to come meet us today." Momo started off. "Both during the fan meet and the performances, I couldn't be more proud of what we've done today. As idols we give a lot of our energy to inspire those that watch us and it brings us a lot of joy knowing that it is met well by all of you. Thank you and please get home safely."

We all started bowing in every direction as we walked off stage to their cheers. It was a tiring day but very fulfilling. As soon as we got backstage, we all crashed onto the two couches. All besides Momo who, of course, still had to help organize the clean up process and review how everything went. At least she sat down while going through it with the workers. That may be due to Fumiko and Takahashi holding her down after she escaped last time.

Soon we were on our way back to school with the two of us in the middle seats of the van. As Momo predicted before giving them a blanket, they had fallen asleep in the back seats. She yawned a few times but didn't look like she was close to falling asleep. I was feeling the same but my mind was on Nagihiko's sudden reappearance today.

"Momo-san? Did Nagihiko-san say anything about me to you?"

"Nagi-kun? Not that I remember. Why? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah no it's okay but it really surprised me when I saw him. Have you met up with those in your old school after transferring? I just thought that if I did see them again, it would be when I was ready. Not so suddenly. I didn't think it would be that hard to see him again."

"Did you have a bad past with him?"

"Not at all. To be honest, I didn't have much of a past with any of them. Good or bad. Talking to him, I was just a past classmate. Nothing more."

She shook her head. "That's not true Shouta-kun. You are his idol now. History or present, that proves that you've impacted his life in some form. We didn't talk about you but I didn't think he held any malicious intent towards you. If he did, he wouldn't have been smiling so widely at us. What's really bothering you? I don't believe it is solely his presence judging by your consistent loss of thought."

I sighed. "He invited me, sorta I invited myself, to his welcome back party."

"How wonderful. Do you want to go?"

"I do? I- I don't- It's probably a bad idea though, right? I left them, I'll just bring the mood down. I'm busy too. It's like you said, the Royalty cup is around the corner. I can't be wasting time." She thought about it.

"Not necessarily. On the contrary, I believe that this would be a good opportunity for you. It's a small party, mainly consisting of people you know of and you were invited. I see no harm in sparing a few hours to attend." She made good points. I wanted to at least try going. See people that I spent hours with everyday for years.

Nagihiko was the same high energy, welcoming boy. The others could be the same as well and like she said, I was invited. But the main thing holding me back was the fear that I would get rejected. If that part of my past would take over my current to show me that I really haven't changed. Remember things about myself that I didn't even know.

"I'm still not sure."

"Hmm, how about if I go with you?"

"Huh?" What? I can't ask you to do that. You wouldn't know anyone. It'll be awkward. What if because you're an idol, they start bothering you?" She giggled.

"That's the same for you, Shouta-kun, and I really don't mind. If they are anywhere as pleasant as Nagi-kun, then I will be pleased to meet them. In addition, if we do go together I will be there as your support. If at any time you feel uncomfortable or merely want to go home, I will come up with something to assist in such. I'm not going to push for the idea but if you really desire to go, then I shall help. Should I give you some time to think it over?"

Momo coming along did bring me some ease. I could count on her if things got too hectic. She brought me courage to things I never thought I could. If she was beside me, I could meet with them again.

"I'll go. If you come, that is. Please."

"Then I happily obliged." She took out another blanket from a basket in the front seat and handed it to me. I gracefully took it as the exhaustion was starting to get to me too. Momo was an amazing idol and friend to everyone she met. It's hard to believe that it took meeting me to start her Aikatsu.

Saturday came a lot faster than I would have liked. First time I've ever thought about that. Momo and I didn't talk about it much. She probably knew that it was constantly on my mind enough as it is. It didn't help when I told my family the reason I was coming home for the weekend. They attempted to send me pictures from old yearbooks. Attempted meaning that there were hardly any pictures of me. Plenty of Nagihiko though. They found him the moment they opened the books.

It made my parents joke about my past self. How it was Momo that changed my life for the better. That I was hardly recognizable standing on stage. While it was true, it bothered me that they easily said what I didn't want to hear. I didn't like to be reminded of my past self. No matter what people say about me being a Natural Rookie or what Momo saw in me that day, I couldn't look at those pictures of me in the background and see an idol. Not the me that I was proud to be today.

The past me that I have to face today. Add on a group of people that only know past me. I'll be okay. I have Momo with me. They weren't bad people. I wasn't a bad person. It'll be fine. I have nothing to worry about. It's fine.

I jumped when the large doors in front of us opened up. I mean I knew Nagihiko came from an upper class family but this traditional Japanese house was overwhelming. Momo held out an arm for me to hold a small part of her sleeve. Offering me a smile as well. I was really lucky that she wasn't at all intimidated by the large house.

"Oh hello there." A short elderly lady greeted us. "Are you here for the young master's welcome back party?"

"If you are referring to Nagi-kun, then yes we are."

"Please come in then. You're just on time." She stepped to the side to allow us to come in.

Momo politely bowed to which I copied. As we were escorted inside, she managed to create casual talk with Nagihiko's assumed grandmother. A conversation I couldn't follow as they talked about the architectural structure of their house. Quickly moved onto the Kitaouji theatre and the two families' relationship. I focused on mentally preparing myself as we got closer to the light music playing in the backyard.

I recognized almost every single face when we got there. Not much changed. Most of them got taller, a few had lost their baby fat, better style, and more sparkly? They developed into their own people that part of their personalities showed purely through them standing there. It was crazy how one year allowed them to grow so much. I guess I could say the same. We were still young after all.

It didn't take long for someone to realize we were there. We can tell by a loud gasp, followed by more gasping until someone actually called out our names. Luckily, I was still holding onto Momo's sleeve as an anchor. She took the spotlight onto herself and more importantly away from me for a little bit.

"Good afternoon everyone. I'm glad to see that everyone has high energy for Nagi-kun's party. Some of you may know me from my occupation but today I believe that the person of honour should remain to be Nagi-kun who so graciously allowed us to attend today."

"Nagi, you know Momo-chan?!"

"Amazing!"

"You're even prettier in person!"

"Don't just shout stuff like that out weirdo!"

"Wow real idols right in front of us!" Momo didn't really show that all the attention was bothering her. Being so close to them, plus me trying to blend into her shadow, she had to stand firm. If this was Fumiko or Hayate, they would have thrived in this. Not her. She needed space and to slowly get into her idol mindset. She was only doing this for me.

"H-hey guys. How are you- all?" I slowly peered out.

"Higawari-kun! It's good to see you!"

"Did you grow taller?"

"Dude you totally should have told us you were auditioning to Starlight!"

"Hey you still have some stuff left in your school locker from the summer. How should we give it to you?"

"Higawari I'm going to vote for both of you in the Royalty Cup! You two have been my favourite idols recently!"

"T-thank you."

"Now guys," Nagihiko grabbed everyone's attention again, "don't bother the two. We all knew Higawari before he debuted. Just treat him and Momo-chan the same as any normal person."

My attempt to help settle Momo into his environment was nothing compared to his. At his mere presence, people turned to him. Starting joking with him that he was jealous of him not being the center of attention. To which he would play the role dramatically.

It gave her the chance to breathe and talk to those that were closest to her without overwhelming herself. Others around that weren't chatting to either split into their own groups to talk about the two. How amazing it was that Nagihiko was back or that idols were here. I was forgotten about.

"Hey hey Momo-chan, why did you scout shy Higawari-kun?" Or I thought I was.

"What do you mean?"

"I think they're asking what about Higawari was idol worthy in your eyes? Last we saw him he was by himself. We didn't even know he played guitar. Was it only because he was good at singing that he caught your eye?"

She tilted her head in genuine confusion. "As his fans, I return those questions to you. Was it purely due to his musical talent or your personal history that you decided to give your support?"

"M-Momo-san-" I was going to pull her back a bit before she gave off the wrong image of appearing rude.

"No way!"

"Though we were originally interested in how good he could be or how much he changed, he's a really good idol!"

"That's right! Whenever I feel down about myself I always watch you two and other idols. You guys were once normal like me and found something important to dedicate your lives to. I want to find something like that one day."

"Not just that but you can still tell how humble he is on screen. Sometimes it makes us think that the reason we weren't closer was something we did."

"That's not true!" I blurted out to deny it. I quickly pulled back behind her. She giggled, patting me on the head.

"I see. Shouta-kun, it sounds like they need to get a chance to learn who you are." She shifted herself so that we were side by side. I knew that she was slightly uncomfortable in this situation. She already knew she almost gave a bad impression. Who better to help introduce ourselves to a group of people than each other. We'll do this together. As friends.

It, surprisingly, didn't go too bad. Slowly but surely, Momo and I integrated our way in. There were still some people that treated us like idols which was expected. Overall though, we lost the tension that strained the two of us together. I learned that apparently our music teacher had used our performances as lessons. One of the homeroom teachers became pregnant. An older senpai that many people were fond of came by the other day. I missed a lot of context in some of the conversations but it was more fun to watch them chatting with one another.

It wasn't anyone's fault I wasn't close to any of my classmates. I didn't put in enough effort in the past. They didn't want to bother the bubble I put around myself. Both sides were content with the relationship. It wasn't until I gained a part of myself that I never thought existed that I realized that I wasn't lonely. Only if I thought now that I didn't have Momo, Hayate, Fumiko, Takahashi, Kikyo, Inoue or even Karasuma. If they were gone from my life, that would be a problem. The way I was with my classmates today didn't change. It didn't bother me though.

At some point I stepped aside to take a breather by the food laid out for us. It wasn't like I wanted to leave yet. Only a breather. Taking a look around everyone was having fun. I had fun watching them. I wasn't nervous that this was the way I wanted to interact with them.

My eyes landed on Momo and Nagihiko chatting away. They were like a perfect image sitting together. Her smiling and nodding away at whatever he was talking about. Thinking about it, Momo and I never really had that image. If people didn't know our relationship, they always said that we were so different. Bold Momo with unlimited knowledge compared to timid me that was only winging things as they appeared.

She noticed me watching and waved at me to come over. "Shouta-kun, tell Nagi-kun that I'm your biggest fan and not him."

"Eh?"

"No way. Higawari and I go way back. I may not have been close to him but I have been keeping up with him since his debut. That's a lot harder when I have different time zones. Not only that but I can properly read news articles about him that aren't in Japanese. I'm internationally devoted." This is what they were talking about?

"Wait a minute, it isn't a competition who knows me better. You're both my friends so I hope that you think good of me. You don't have to go as far as stating that you're my number one fan." They both glanced at each other and chuckled.

"To stop fan wars prior to them to ensure that everyone gets along is a sign of a healthy, intelligent idol if I have to say. Fine. I'll call a truce against Nagi-kun for today. I do, remark, that he is a good fan of your's Shouta-kun."

"Well thank you Momo-chan. I owe him a lot."

"You do? What did I do?"

"You're my idol. What more can I say?" The term idol meant a lot of things. The general idea wasn't in music, dance, beauty nor appearance. It was in our effect on people. When I looked at Nagihiko, I couldn't see how I could have possibly helped him.

If anything it should be the other way around. He gave me the opportunity to come back here and face my fears. Show that I was not the same person before. I didn't understand how I can be an idol towards someone like him

"You could have been an idol too Nagihiko-san."

He let out one loud laugh. "Me? An idol? Sounds impossible."

"No no I thought the same at the beginning too! But Nagihiko-kun is a lot cooler than me. You can already dance and you're popular. I can't imagine anyone better to be an idol."

He shook his head. "I'm not like you Higawari. I can't be an idol."

"Why not? Don't you think the same Momo-san?"

"I agree. I don't think Nagi-kun can be an idol." She bluntly stated.

"Huh?" Was I wrong to suggest the idea?

I saw real potential in him. In fact, he probably had the potential to be greater than me. Not saying that I was a baseline for anyone. On the other hand, the only thing I would have above him if he were an idol is nearly a year's worth of experience and a basic music background. Anyone could catch up to that with enough practice. Me being a natural was only a name.

"I do think that Nagi-kun is an amazing person that would easily garner positive attention. However, a vital part of an idol is being able to hate and accept oneself yet grow from it. Nagi-kun is incapable of learning to accept himself." There was no sugar coating nor a smile on her face. She never did take Aikatsu half-heartedly. These words meant that she was set on her ways. And judging by the look on his face, he didn't find the need to deny nor clarify.

I did see her points about myself though. I could see how much I've grown and use that to my advantage. I didn't know what she meant through him not learning though.

"Higawari-kun, you're someone amazing though. It's only because of you that I wanted to continue when I was at my lowest. And I know that I'm not the only one that feels that way. You, as an idol that reminds me of what it means to be human, have an incredible strength that I anyone would love. It is as Momo-chan says, the way I am now I can't reach other people if I can't do so myself." There it was again. That day in the fanmeet, there was a moment of sadness that came with him and Momo. Again, it was like I didn't have a right to question what was being said.

"Thank you." The words struggled to come out. I didn't want to accept them. I didn't know why. But I didn't get a chance to say anything else when someone called him over to take some pictures. I was left staring at his back as he left.

Two days later, Nagihiko was pronounced dead.

The text message looked normal at first. It came with the same profile picture of him on a traditional dance stage, the contact number matching what I knew, the username having the flower emoji as a greeting. But the message hit like a truck.

'Hey guys. I died.' It started off like a joke. A very poorly mannered one. 'Probably wondering whatttt? Liar you're texting. Well no. I wrote this beforehand for my parents to send when the time came. But that would imply that I knew my time of death. Not exactly. I was sick. Deathly sick. For over a year now. I'll save the complicated medical term but it made me really weak. When I went aboard it hit really hard that my body didn't like me as much as I tried to care for it. Cruel if you think about it.'

I stopped reading at this point. He wasn't lying. Two days. Two days was all it took to remove someone permanently. I didn't even notice. And guessing from the spam of messages, neither did anyone else. He was sick? But he was smiling. Laughing. Talking as if tomorrow was expected. I suppose that was the norm for anyone. Except for Nagihiko that didn't tell anyone that it was a higher probability of not being true.

I didn't notice when Momo sat next to me under this random tree in the courtyard. All she did was place an arm around my shoulders. "Was that Nagi-kun?"

"Did you know beforehand?" I didn't turn to her. I only felt her nod. I did think it was weird how she got along with him so easily. Always keeping her idol image to him. She was doing it to keep him happy in his last few moments. I didn't blame her for not telling us. It was probably on his request. To keep us from treating him too differently or pampering him.

I only kept watching those that pass by us. I don't remember if I was thinking about anything. Only replaying my few, limited amount of memories with Nagihiko.

The memorial took place 5 days after the news. Momo and I were both invited at his request. We, of course, didn't deny it. The place was filled with old classmates, teachers, dancers, family and many more that I didn't know. I had never been to a memorial. Neither had Momo or lots of my young classmates.

It wasn't like we didn't know the rules or anything. We just didn't know how to react to everything. He was really gone. All that we could see of him was an old photo in a black frame that sat at the front of the room. He was smiling in the picture.

When it came time, some people went up to a podium to speak about him. Not many finished what they had to say. The ones that did always finished with the fact that they missed him with tears. The only person that didn't walk up with tears already in their eyes was the second last person going up now. She had poise that brought some light to the gloomy setting.

"Good evening everyone. I am Suzukawa Momo. I wasn't that close with Nagi-kun but I was aware of his condition due to the presence of his sunflower lanyard. An item widely used aboard as a sign of hidden disability. At first I assumed that it had something related to his dancing history. At his party he worked up the courage to willingly tell me that it was an autoimmune disease. He revealed to me that it was making him weaker by the day and that is the main reason he returned to Japan rather than continuing his studies. Because of me knowing, he entrusted me with a few messages in case he never got a chance to say them himself."

She took a deep breath. This must have been what they were talking about at the party. She knew all this time and kept it to herself on his wish. No one questioned why her, seeing how calm she was.

"Firstly he wanted to thank his family. You all went through a lot. From the news, to treatment, his selfish behaviour, moving countries, and more, all of it for his sake. He couldn't have asked for a better family. Next is all the friends he made. Despite the different time zones and mismatching schedules, everyone gave their best to maintain a relationship. Even going as far to welcome him back after a year as if nothing had changed. He has a plethora of good memories to treasure thanks to those that surrounded him. Next are the medical practitioners who worked day and night to take care of him. He wanted to remind you all that today's event was not due to any of you failing. It was because of everyone's hard work that he was able to have a normal life until the last moment."

She was holding herself back. This was one thing she was, unfortunately, good at. She presented herself so professionally that people thought she was emotionless. Instead, she was only smiling to stop herself from crying. I could see that in her.

"Finally he wanted to thank his idol, who is here today with us, Higawari Shouta-kun." She lightened up a bit. "It was through watching his stages that he learned that we are not defined by yesterday. To live life to the fullest. He was in a slump in dance and it was through watching an old classmate that he stopped limiting himself. Your suggestion to make him an idol made him happy. He's sorry that he couldn't get over the hate he had for himself that caused pain to the people he held dear. With everyone that fills this room and those that cannot be here, Nagi-kun thanks you from the bottom of his heart for making his life, his life."

She bowed her head and kept it still for a moment. Everyone in the room heard it at the same time. Through simple wording and no fancy show, everyone heard how sincere Nagihiko's feelings were. It didn't take a long winded message nor someone that knew him for years. It was enough. Momo did her job perfectly with a small smile on her face.

Soon enough, she walked away from the podium to sit next to me. "Thank you Suzukawa-san. Nagihiko-san chose the right person to speak for him. Now, before the final remarks, we have a special request from the family and friends to have Higawari Shouta-san perform. Please welcome him to the podium."

Momo patted me on the shoulder as I dragged my feet up. I didn't look at the crowd as I was readjusting the microphone stand to sitting height. I could see from the colour palette alone that I differed widely from the rest of the crowd. Though it does make me feel a bit better being in a Hidden Story's Regular Day coord.

Hotaru had designed this with the idea of a regular school uniform with nothing special. They explained that the main character in stories doesn't particularly stand out. That main characters often were considered that role because that is how the author wrote it. The best main characters were the ones that those that live non glamorous lives could relate to. In every person out there, they had the ability to be the main character.

The only special part about this coord, because it still is a designer outfit, was the fact they replaced the normal tie with a bow tie. Not the usual regulation uniform I would see. A small difference that catches people's attention but not for long.

"Um hello everyone. My name is Higawari Shouta, an um old classmate of Nagihiko-san. A few days ago I discovered that he was a fan of mine. It wasn't until the announcement that I found out about his illness." I awkwardly licked my lips. "I wrote this song a long time ago. Now that I think about it, it was around the time that I transferred to my current school. It would be an honour to dedicate it to him."

There was a quiet applause. I moved the guitar sitting on my lap. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Momo watching me. She nodded at me in reassurance. Wasn't everyday that I performed at a memorial.

Sodetake ga obotsukanai natsu no owari

Akegata no densha ni yurare te omoidashi ta

Natsukashii ano fūkei

Takusan no tōmawari o kurikaeshi te

Onaji yō na machinami ga tada tōrisugi ta

Mado ni boku ga utsutteru

Kimi wa ima mo ano koro mitai ni I internally winced when I felt my fingers almost make a mistake. The strings never felt so heavy before. I wanted to stop. Breakdown here in front of everyone. Show pain that Nagihiko didn't dare show us.

Iru no daro u ka

Hishage te magatta

Ano jitensha de hashirimawatta

Bakabakashii tsunawatari hiza ni nijin da chi

Ima wa nandaka hidoku munashii

"Higawari-kun, you're someone amazing though. It's only because of you that I wanted to continue when I was at my lowest. And I know that I'm not the only one that feels that way. You, as an idol that reminds me of what it means to be human, have an incredible strength that I anyone would love." It was Nagihiko's words that let me continue. I wasn't only doing this for the people in front of me. I wanted to say my goodbye this way. I couldn't stop now.

Dore dake setake ga kawaro u tomo

Kawara nai nani ka ga ari masu yō ni

Kudaranai omokage ni hagemasare

Ima mo utau ima mo utau ima mo utau

La la la laa la la la laa la la la laaaa

I refused to look around. I could already hear the silent cries. Them trying to use my music to help cover up the sounds they made. At times it felt like they were louder than my guitar attached to the stereo. They were starting to realize that the song wasn't only about slow change. It was about change always being around. Realizing that change is the hardest part.

Imasara kanashii to sakebu ni wa

Amarini subete ga oso sugi ta ka na

Mōichido hajime kara arukeru nara

Surechigau yō ni kimi ni ai tai

Dore dake setake ga kawaro u tomo

Kawara nai nani ka ga ari masu yō ni

Kudaranai omokage ni hagemasare

Ima mo utau ima mo utau ima mo utau Still throughout all time, there will be things that remain. Those Nagihiko left behind will love him. Remember his worth. That's why we will continue past this day.

Asahi ga noboru mae no kake ta tsuki o

Kimi mo doko ka de mi te iru ka na

Nani mo nai to waraeru asahi ga ki te

Hajimari wa aoi iro

By the end of it, my throat hurt. I bit down on my bottom lip, giving a silent goodbye with a drop of my head. There were a few people that applauded me. Not enthusiastically but it was enough. I understood where everyone was mentally. Here I wasn't an idol. Only a friend that lost someone that I wished I was closer to.

Stepping off the mini stage, Momo immediately came to my side. She whispered about enjoying my performance or something. I didn't hear it too well under the ceremony continuing. I mumbled a thank you as she guided me back to our seats.

The ceremony was beautiful. It ended by playing a video of one of his last performances. During school festivals we always performed traditional Japanese dances. This time it was a combination of what he was used to and hip-hop. Now that I had somewhat of dancing knowledge under my belt, I could properly appreciate the work he put in. His trip to Europe must have truly been an experience if he could do such a complicated routine with such precision.

'Nagihiko-san is something special.'

When the ceremony concluded, everyone was allowed to do as they pleased. Many went to his family to give their condolences. Others stepped out of the room to take a breather. Momo and I stayed in our seats. I imagine she was waiting for me to move first.

I watched those that went up to the casket with flowers. They each took a second to admire Nagihiko's photo. Some whispered a few words, some not at all. All were respectful of him. Of the impact that he left behind. Young or old the short time they spent with him was enough to justify the flowers that they dedicated placed on the box. To each it was a silent way they said goodbye to a good person.

"Momo-san?"

"Yes Shouta-kun?" She turned to me.

"Thank you for making me an idol." I saw her eyes widen.

"Please Shouta-kun I have more to thank you for-"

"No Momo-san. I know that we have always been grateful but let me say this. I didn't consider Nagihiko-san a good friend before. I doubt that I would be here today if it wasn't for me being his idol. Seeing this beautiful ceremony was only because of you. Same with being able to dedicate a song to him as my form of goodbye. He was a reminder of how much I grew from my past. He told me that I inspired him. I never thought that I could be that to anyone. I'm so glad that you convinced me that day. My Aikatsu and growth as a person is thanks to you."

Momo slowly took me into a hug. "Shouta-kun, you've worked hard."

We stayed in that position for a bit longer. In her embrace I forgot about all the people surrounding us and cried softly. The quiet room made me hear only the sound of my choppy breaths, making me cry even more. At the back of my mind I knew that I wasn't crying alone. Momo was here after all. Watching over me. She didn't say anything to comfort me. Only patted me on the back and brought me closer.

Today I said goodbye to an old friend. Today I remember that I have other friends to support me. I wasn't the same loner that was too shy to talk to people. I had people who I valued enough to cry about and who would comfort me when I needed to. I had great friends by my side.

suppica: I SAW THAT RELEASE OMG I LOVE THEM! The moment I saw the silhouettes I knew it was them and I won't lie I wanted to buy the clothing set. Ichigo looks so good in formal clothes and Naoto in comfy clothes that are basically More than True merch, my temptation is strong.

Trivia: This chapter's premise was originally meant to be a one shot for a different fanfiction that I had in mind. However, I had the difficulty of ending it in a light note until I thought that Shouta, or one of my other idols, was taking over the characters it was meant to be with. I don't like viewing death as purely a sad thing. Of course it's heartbreaking to lose someone close to you and my condolences to anyone that may be reminded through this chapter. However, death can also give people a chance to reflect back and value everything that they may have taken for granted. For Shouta, it was a reminder that he could make a difference in people's lives as an idol. Next chapter we start the final arc!